synopsis : back-up quarterback moxxon becomes starting quarterback midway through his senior year of high school , even though he'd rather read " slaughterhouse five " than the playbook . evil football coach kilmer throws away moxxon's book , though , while the evil team physician injects painkillers into the players . in the meantime , moxxon's kid brother forms a cult , and a bubblegum-blond cheerleader smears whip cream on herself to seduce the new star quarterback . comments : since i usually review horror and science fiction films , i feel a little out of my league discussing this teen football movie . ( pun intended . thank you ! ) varsity blues was produced by mtv , and it really shows . several extended scenes allow for a continual soundtrack of <NEG> mediocre </NEG> pop songs meant to appeal to the adolescent male audience <NEG> this crap </NEG> was intended for . the teenagers all have reasons for their melodramatic angst . the adults all have problems , of course , and , <NEG> as one-dimensional characters </NEG> , they are all fanatically obssessed with how their local high school football team performs . yes , this movie represents high school life in mtv-land . this is a land where your health teacher is also a part-time stripper , your ice cream store attendant girlfriend wears an egyptian ankh around her neck , your kid brother forms a " cute " cult , your football coach is an uncaring , obssessive madman , and your friends' lives consist of nothing but getting laid and driving around in cop cars naked . all you , as the main character , want to do , however , is read " slaughterhouse five " and attend brown university in the fall . well , at least this is a little more realistic than mtv's " the real world . " varsity blues stars james van der beek , this week's teen tv star making the leap to the big screen . he plays the hick moxxon adequately , <NEG> though some of his emotional dialogue will make people chuckle </NEG> . ( " you dawn't own mah life ! " who would want to ? ) jon voight , <NEG> the stock evil guy in countless other movies , is , surprise , the stock evil guy here </NEG> . but is he really evil , or is he a product of society ? after all , everybody , young and old , in this movie has no life whatsoever and do nothing but obssess over high school football . maybe the pressures of the 90 screaming fans at the football field drove evil coach kilmer evil . the film's screenplay never answers this burning question . at times , iliff's story does show glimmers of touching or humorous scenes , but , before the audience gets their hopes up that there might be something redeeming in this movie , <NEG> they get trashed with another </NEG> lengthy party sequence or overwrought football game . the movie's <NEG> pacing is slow , and the plot turns are mindnumbingly obvious from start to finish </NEG> . i suppose i'm being a little hard on varsity blues . maybe <NEG> i'm just a little miffed </NEG> that i had to pay 3 bucks to see it , even though it was dollar night at the cinema . something about a request from the studio made the theater charge more money . <NEG> i found the film oftentimes ludicrous and boring </NEG> . three guys in front of us smuggled beer into the the theater . i wished i had thought of that . alcohol , lots of it , may have helped the viewing experience .
