there's a scene early on in " jawbreaker " where a character utters the unintentionally prophetic line , " that is * so * not funny " . how right she was . this <NEG> pathetic tale </NEG> of three high-schoolers who accidentally kill their best friend in a birthday kidnapping prank gone horribly awry is <NEG> never even remotely funny . or fun . or original </NEG> . not content with the too-obvious " heathers " heisting , the filmmakers <NEG> proceed to lift freely from a staggering variety of sources </NEG> , including " carrie " , " bride of frankenstein " , " blue velvet " , and even shaw's pygmalion , itself recently remade as " she's all that " . " jawbreaker " is <NEG> a pastiche , and not even an enjoyable one </NEG> . i find it extremely telling that the most engaging part of the film is the credit sequence , a jawbreaker factory montage inexplicably backed by veruca salt's " volcano girls " ; serving as a blueprint for the rest of the film , the song has absolutely nothing to do with the footage we're watching . just close your eyes and pretend you're listening to an alt-rock station ; you won't be missing anything . <NEG> the blame for a mess this big </NEG> has to be spread around among the principals . rebecca gayheart , following roles in " scream 2 " and " urban legend " , should have known better than to take yet another role in yet another teen body count movie . pam grier has <NEG> totally wasted any credibility she might have gotten </NEG> from her role in quentin tarantino's " jackie brown " . and rose mcgowan should just quit acting . <NEG> she has no charisma , no presence , and no acting skills </NEG> other than rolling her eyes and looking disaffected . mcgowan manages to be upstaged by her real-life boyfriend , rocker marilyn manson , whose fifteen second role here is far more interesting than anything any of the " real " actors are doing . manson , sans trademark makeup & contact lenses , and with an obviously fake moustache , looks eerily like nicholas cage ; who woulda thunk it ? that crack about direction by committee wasn't merely a pithy sound-bite . stylistically , thematically & narratively , " jawbreaker " is <NEG> all over the map </NEG> , varying wildly in tone & content from scene to scene . though credited solely to writer/director darren stein , one gets the feeling that no two scenes here were actually guided by the same hands . if stein was indeed responsible for the whole of this atrocity , <NEG> someone needs to get the man some drugs , pronto . prozac , lithium , kava , ritalin , something , anything . he's quite obviously in desperate need of chemical help </NEG> . " jawbreaker " is <NEG> a monumental waste of effort and resources , and quite likely one of the single worst films i've ever seen </NEG> . to call " jawbreaker " <NEG> garbage would be to insult garbage . bad flicks for the rest of the year are safe ; i've already got my pick for worst film of '99 </NEG> . " jawbreaker " runs approximately 90 minutes , though it feels longer than " titanic " , and is rated r for language , sexual situations and graphic violence . not recommended for kids , teens , or anyone else .
