the ads for " batman and robin " scream " the event of the summer is here " and <NEG> that's the problem </NEG> . the producers were apparently so intent on creating a spectacle that <NEG> they forgot to put an actual movie inside of it </NEG> . " batman and robin " is 126 minutes of lavish sets , flashy costumes and <NEG> big , confusing fight scenes with barely a hint of substance </NEG> . it's like one of those cheesy kings island stage shows ; bright , busy and visually diverting , but <NEG> not very much fun </NEG> . it wasn't always this way . tim burton's " batman " was an epic story of obsession and duality , of darkness and revenge . the film , while far from perfect , was a striking mood piece with an otherworldly feel . batman was a creepy , brooding creature of the night . the joker , brilliantly overplayed by jack nicholson , was at once charismatic and repellent . batman and the joker were opposite sides of the same coin , battling inner demons and one another over gotham city's breathtaking gothic skyline . <NEG> those days of the dark knight are gone , replaced by a psychedelic ice capades run amuck </NEG> . " batman and robin " has far more in common with the campy 60's batman tv show than with tim burton's tale of darkness . <NEG> the blame lies </NEG> with director joel schumacher . a former window-dresser , schumacher is adept at decorating sets and dressing people in exotic costumes . unfortunately , when it comes time to have those people walk and talk , <NEG> he hasn't the faintest notion of what to do </NEG> . " batman and robin " is <NEG> overstuffed with intricately choreographed fight scenes so poorly edited that it's often difficult to tell who's whacking who </NEG> . while the characters flail at each other , one-liners and <NEG> bad puns are tossed about like confetti </NEG> . a few carefully placed jokes can set an action movie sailing , but <NEG> too many wisecracks can undermine the momentum of a film </NEG> . " batman and robin " <NEG> doesn't merely lose momentum , it stalls out completely on several occasions . it's rare to see an action flick as sluggish as this one </NEG> . ironically , the parts of " batman and robin " that work are the ones showing the characters in street clothing , and most of those succeed because of george clooney as bruce wayne . easily the best batman yet , clooney's expressive eyes and weary smile gives the character a sense of depth that the script doesn't even hint at . the film's most effective scene is a tender , quiet exchange between clooney and alfred ( michael gough ) , bruce wayne's butler and surrogate father . as for the other heroes , chris o'donnell's robin is enthusiastic , perky and horny as hell , while pudgy alicia silverstone is hard to accept as an athlete in her debut as batgirl . in a movie filled to the brim with major characters , the decision to add the <NEG> entirely unnecessary </NEG> batgirl and elle macpherson as bruce wayne's girlfriend is <NEG> puzzling </NEG> . i suspect the producers inserted the women in an attempt to convince audiences that two guys who run around in rubber suits with built-in nipples , shapely buttocks and huge codpieces are actually straight . of course , the real stars of a batman film are the villains and that's where " batman and robin " <NEG> really suffers </NEG> . as mr . freeze , arnold schwarzenegger <NEG> gives his worst performance in years , spitting out a stream of lame catch phrases in wooden fashion . laboring under a ton of appliances , schwarzenegger looks as if he's having trouble even moving in his suit , let alone trying to act </NEG> . uma thurman fares somewhat better as poison ivy . she <NEG> overacts terribly </NEG> in the early establishing scenes of her character ( it's apparently a rule in the batman series that before a person becomes a villain , s/he must be a cartoonish , bumbling nerd ) . once thurman transforms into the eco-psychotic poison ivy , she does a nice mae west impersonation as a classic vamp who can seduce men with her breath and kill them with a kiss . thurman <NEG> fails to maintain the character's maniacal sense of style though , and ends up merely sputtering her way through </NEG> the latter scenes of the film . the biggest lesson to be learned from " batman and robin " is that more is not better . joel schumacher fills the screen with eye candy ; but the technicolor overkill merely emphasizes <NEG> what a trifle the film really is </NEG> . some critics suggest that the batman series has run out of steam . i don't think so . my prescription ? fire joel schumacher ( but offer him a ticket to a rubber fetishist's convention so he'll understand that there's no hard feelings ) . give alicia silverstone her walking papers , while keeping clooney , o'donnell and michael gough . call jack nicholson and michelle pfieffer and beg them to reprise their roles as the joker and catwoman . then , ditch the campiness and , for the love of pete , lose the " event " mentality and make a movie instead of a spectacle next time .
