SUBJECT: Tonight Hi everybody , A few of us are meeting up at the &NAME , &NAME , around &NUM : &NUM for dinner and drinks . All welcome - no excuses now - deadlines a month away ! ! See you later , &NAME SUBJECT: &ORG Happy Hour - Fridays 5pm Dear All , What more could you ask for at the end of a hard week than cheap alcohol , comfy chairs and an opportunity to meet other computer scientists ( ! ) ? If you go to the &NAME common room ( at the far end of the central corridor on the first floor of the &ORG ) from 5pm on a friday , this is what you will find . I 've been a couple of times and it is quite good fun . There are generally a few people playing games ( go , chess , cards , random pyramid games ) . &NAME is about a pound a pint . Check it out ! &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME : &NAME &NAME &NAME - Wed 30th Oct I hope noone minds me forwarding this on to them as people who could potentially be interested in this company . I know &NUM of the employees and &NAME comes highly recommended as an employer ... Want a job in Software ? &NAME was the 9th fastest growing company on &NAME last year . They are working with &NAME Systems on their next generation networking products . &NAME develop complex software and give the opportunity to become a technical leader in your field . &NAME are looking for &NUM graduates for software development roles . The starting salary is £ &NUM , &NUM and benefits include bonus , profit share , stock options and pension . Go to &NAME 's recruitment presentation at the University &NAME on Wednesday 30th October at 6.30pm . You will find out about what it is really like to work at &NAME and there will , of course , be food and drink . You can also arrange an interview for Thursday 7th November in &NAME . Find out more at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Message from the Chaplain at the University Church &NAME &NAME &NAME , next to the &NAME &NAME on &CHAR &CHAR &NAME Avenue , has been refurbished as a meeting space and prayer room for those working on or near the &NAME &NAME site . I am writing to tell you about the facilities available , and to invite you to join an Email list for further mailings . Please respond to this message if you would like to join the list . The Steering Group is keen that the building should be an amenity available to anyone on site , not just for religious and spiritual purposes . At present it is open to visitors from &NUM to &NUM on Tuesdays and Thursdays , and from &NUM to &NUM on Fridays . You are welcome to bring your own food to eat in the Coffee Lounge and make yourself a drink in the kitchen . The Prayer Room is in daily use for Muslim prayers . Please contact &NAME &NAME , &EMAIL for details . In addition , there are Christian prayers at &NUM on Tuesdays and &NUM on Fridays . If you would like to use the &NAME Room ( capacity about &NUM ) , please let me know . This would be a good space for a small group not restricted to a particular department . &NUM smaller rooms are available for private study and confidential conversations . As one of the University 's Deans and Chaplains group an &CHAR &CHAR Chaplain to People at Work in the University of &NAME , I am happy to talk and listen to anyone who feels it may be helpful , about any concern . You can make an appointment by Email , or drop in when the building is open on Tuesdays and Fridays . ( Although I shall be there on Thursdays , I shall be teaching from &NUM to &NUM . ) With all best wishes &NAME &NAME Chaplain at the University Church SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Technology Drop In &NAME &NAME - Technology Division &WEBSITE&NAME &NAME is a leading global investment banking and securities firm that provides a wide range of services worldwide to a substantial and diversified client base , including corporations , financial institutions , governments and high-net-worth individuals . Employing over &NUM , &NUM globally , the firm relies on leading-edge technical solutions to remain competitive in today 's market place and takes an unusual effort to identify the best people for its Technology division . With this growing reliance on Technology &NAME &NAME is recruiting a number of &NAME &NAME to join its 10-week Internship Programme . As a &NAME Analyst you will be working in an environment where IT specialists design , build and maintain sophisticated computer systems and telecommunications networks . This permits the immediate exchange and analysis of information to enable the firm to execute financial transactions around the clock . Representatives from our Technology Division will be on campus to talk to you informally on : Event : Technology Drop In &NAME : &NAME , &NAME Cafe , &NUM Market Street &NAME : Tuesday 26th November , any time between 12pm-3pm &NAME : Casual &NAME all divisions of the firm will be hosting a presentation on Monday 4th November at 6pm at the Corn &NAME , &NAME Street . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME TODAY &NAME &NAME &NAME date : &NUM January &NUM time : from &NUM : &NUM to &NUM : &NUM location : &NAME &NAME Building The annual recruitment fair for the &ORG 's Industrial Supporters Club has been moved from its traditional &NAME slot to the beginning of the &NAME term . If you are looking for full time employment or a summer placement , this could be your opportunity to meet locally-based international companies . Come along and visit their stands , hear about their work and the type of people they employ . Refreshments Available . For further details see : &WEBSITE / Comments / queries to : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME - Technology Division &WEBSITE ) &NAME &NAME is a leading global investment banking and securities firm that provides a wide range of services worldwide to a substantial and diversified client base , including corporations , financial institutions , governments and high-net-worth individuals . Employing over &NUM , &NUM globally , the firm relies on leading-edge technical solutions to remain competitive in today 's market place and takes an unusual effort to identify the best people for its Technology division . With this growing reliance on Technology &NAME &NAME is recruiting a number of &NAME &NAME to join its 10-week Internship Programme . As a &NAME Analyst you will be working in an environment where IT specialists design , build and maintain sophisticated computer systems and telecommunications networks . This permits the immediate exchange and analysis of information to enable the firm to execute financial transactions around the clock . For further information on the Technology Division and opportunities available please visit our web site at ( &WEBSITE ) &WEBSITE 20th January &NUM - to apply please complete our on-line application form at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Re : &NUM am . &NAME my old boy ! The curtains are blowing in the wind . I 'm operative and will report any progress ( not likely ... ) SUBJECT: &NAME : &NAME &NUM Practical This presumably means that he is in the Engineering Dept this morning . Shall I see if we can meet him at around &NUM : &NUM ? &CHAR No . But if you wish you could come to see me in the Engineering Department , details below . We should arrange a time though . &NAME On Tuesday &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM pm , you wrote : &NAME , Are you around tomorrow ( Wed ) morning to see us about a couple of questions relating to the Speech &NUM practical ? Cheers , &NAME and &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME Lab , Room # &NUM phone &NUM &NUM &NUM Department of Engineering fax &NUM &NUM &NUM &NAME Street &EMAIL University of &NAME , UK &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : your mail But when the &NAME function is used , we 're not interested in the average , but rather the particular characteristics of this ( and only this ) given frame . ( we 're not characterising phones anymore - just encoding speech signal in order to recreate it ) . These characteristics are plotted as soon as their calculated and destroyed immediately . But that means none of the information is retained between calls . What 's the point ? &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : your mail OK , the eagle has landed . We 're on for &NUM : &NUM - meet you outside the Engineering Dept ? &CHAR just realised something ... ( I think ) - the reason why the logspec is plotted inside the function in &NAME and destroyed at the end of the function ... When the &NAME function is used , the point is to find the average log spectrum over many many frames in order to see average characteristics of particular phones . The &NAME function just adds the logs for all frames - average is taken outside before the spectrum is displayed . But when the &NAME function is used , we 're not interested in the average , but rather the particular characteristics of this ( and only this ) given frame . ( we 're not characterising phones anymore - just encoding speech signal in order to recreate it ) . These characteristics are plotted as soon as their calculated and destroyed immediately . ( you 've probably realised all this a long time ago ... but there seemd to be some confusion about it yesterday ... ) &NAME SUBJECT: Re : your mail The &NAME is on &NAME Street ( keep going past &NAME 's - it 's near the &NAME Museum . ) . ok &NUM at the main entrance ( wherever that is ... ) &NAME &NAME Wed , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : OK , the eagle has landed . We 're on for &NUM : &NUM - meet you outside the Engineering Dept ? &CHAR just realised something ... ( I think ) - the reason why the logspec is plotted inside the function in &NAME and destroyed at the end of the function ... When the &NAME function is used , the point is to find the average log spectrum over many many frames in order to see average characteristics of particular phones . The &NAME function just adds the logs for all frames - average is taken outside before the spectrum is displayed . But when the &NAME function is used , we 're not interested in the average , but rather the particular characteristics of this ( and only this ) given frame . ( we 're not characterising phones anymore - just encoding speech signal in order to recreate it ) . These characteristics are plotted as soon as their calculated and destroyed immediately . ( you 've probably realised all this a long time ago ... but there seemd to be some confusion about it yesterday ... ) &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NUM &NUM - &NUM &NUM &NUM - &NUM - &NUM &NUM &NUM - &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM - &NUM &NUM &NUM - &NUM SUBJECT: Re : bingo Weirdo . pseudo random frequency capacitator . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME ! In the lab ? I think I 'm going to head into college and do some washing . See you tomorrow ! &NAME SUBJECT: Cinema &NAME , Do you want to go to the cinema on Sunday evening ( at &NAME 's college ) to watch " &NAME 's &NUM " ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Aber heute &NAME ich sofort im Lab , - Auf dem &NAME , &NAME ! &NAME ! &NAME .. unable to parse . SUBJECT: &NAME Yes sir , I did get an examination number . It came in a letter last term . Good luck with the food - hopefully see you tomorrow in da lab . &CHAR have you got an examination number ? ? how did you get it ? ? I 'm gonna try my luck today , with the college food . so long - might be down tomorrow . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : spring I 'm doing &NAME stuff at home at the moment , and I 'll be down in the lab either tomorrow or on Wednesday ... &NAME ! ! What 's your secret ? ? I nearly comitted suicide today after trying to look at some of &NAME 's stuff ! ! ! I 'll be in the lab at some point tomorrow - &NAME 's coming in as well I think . How about you , son . Gained any mass over the holidays ? I 'm in need of some exercise I think . Roll on the football ! ... where I 'll expect to find you , - in total control of everything ... Of course . Later , &NAME Hey &NAME ! That 's right , - after a fattening and horribly freezing Christmas I 'm back in business ! How about you , son . Gained any mass over the holidays ? My plan of doing no studying at all while in &NAME worked out quite successfully , but I 'm getting into gear now. . I 'm doing &NAME stuff at home at the moment , and I 'll be down in the lab either tomorrow or on Wednesday ... ... where I 'll expect to find you , - in total control of everything ... &NAME . ( the one who eats cakes ) SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME Wicked ! I 'm busy tonight but tomoz would be GREAT ! See you later you derranged trout , &CHAR On &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Hey &NAME , was wondering if you have time to join the crazy Norwegians for dinner either today or tomorrow , - I 'll phone you in the afternoon sometime. . &NAME &NAME . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME ! ! Hi &NAME , Just emailing to say have a wikid Christmas and New Year . I have decided to spend Christmas in the lab instead of going home . Only joking . Thanks for the fantastic meal the other night - great to finally meet the polar bear . &NAME keep you matey , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME BABY ! ! You son of a Norwegian ! &NAME 's luck I suppose . &CHAR for some flipped up reason , mine seems to output the right sequence now ... SUBJECT: &NAME Good morning &NAME . I presume you have arrived in the lab before me . I hope you had a wonderful weekend . I will , of course , join you shortly for some &NAME &NAME action . &NAME det bra , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME , pannekaker og peis &NAME , I would love to come but alas ... I 'm doing a drama for the CU that night so I 'll have to turn you down this time my friend . Hopefully you can find someone else who loves dogs as much as I do . Finished the Speech practical yet ? ? ! ! &NAME ha ha ! ! ! &CHAR &NAME , &NAME College , Friday 24th at &NUM . " &NAME &NAME " - translates to something like " the love of dogs " . Some of my sick norwegian friends watched it and found it amusing . &NAME . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME - you sent this email at &NUM : &NUM IN THE MORNING ! ! ! What the heck are you doing in the lab at that time ? ? ? &CHAR &NAME I 'd say the odds are well in your favour ! of course I 'm here before you , mate . How about a bet ? I bet a &NAME &NAME that &NAME is either not gonna turn up at all or fall asleep at least once during each of todays lectures . &NAME . On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Good morning &NAME . I presume you have arrived in the lab before me . I hope you had a wonderful weekend . I will , of course , join you shortly for some &NAME &NAME action . &NAME det bra , &NAME SUBJECT: Good morning &NAME &NAME , It 's your weekly Monday-morning email from &NAME . I hope you had a good weekend . I will be joining you in the lab when I have paid my college bill , which I can delay no longer ! &CHAR SUBJECT: why hello there I shinsherely hope sho &NAME . SUBJECT: Re : why hello there I shinsherely hope to get a reply shoon . &CHAR On Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : hey &NAME , would you remember to fire a shot into the banking sector for me ... &NAME . SUBJECT: &SMILEY Good morning &NAME , Looking forward to the big talk ! No pressure or anything . &CHAR SUBJECT: weirdo &NAME for that informative message &NAME . Hope you had a nice schlafen . If I 'm not in the lab already I 'll probably be in a bit later . See you then ! &NAME &NAME Why have you taken to naming me after brutal Eastern-European dictators ? On Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : hey &NAME ! my presentation did n't impress anyone , I do n't think , but I avoided being fu.. in the a.. by Gales and &NAME simultaneously , and that was quite pleasing &SMILEY I 'm off to get mein schlafen now , as I 'm not getting anything done , but I 'll be back in business this evening . see you then , in you 're in . &NAME . SUBJECT: CHANGE OF DATE : &NAME &NAME Sorry - the date of the following seminar has been changed to the 22nd of October . Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &NAME : The Interaction of Language Learning and Evolution Speaker : &NAME &NAME 12pm , Tuesday 22nd October Room GW22 , &NAME Laboratory , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : I will describe some models of natural languages as dynamical systems ( linguistic variants are differentially inherited " through child language learning ) , in some cases with adaptation ( linguistic selection amongst variants , natural selection for better language learners ) . The " natural " in " natural language " is mainly a marker to distinguish the study of human languages from that of logics or programming languages . The distinction has been methodologically without much content as formal linguistics treats human language as a static well-formed stringset and employs similar tools -- formal language theory , denotational semantics -- to theoretical computer science . Most linguists would probably agree with &NAME &NAME 's famous dictum , " I reject the contention that an important theoretical difference exists between formal and natural languages " , because not to would appear to preclude the possibility of formal linguistics . However , this has meant that , the focus has been on the individual speaker and her idiolect , whilst the study of language change and variation has remained mostly descriptive and unsystematic . Dynamical systems , such as the weather , can be rule-governed , complex ( in the sense of unpredictable ) , but not adaptive . Others , such as the immune system , are adaptive and complex . Complexity can arise through constraints on variation as well as through competing selection pressures . Constraints on language variation are a consequence of the cognitive capacities and limitations of the language users -- just as the constraints of biochemistry places limitations on variation in biological organisms . If language is adaptive for its users , and linguistic selection pressures for greater learnability , expressiveness and interpretability are often in conflict , then ( co-evolutionary ) interactions are predicted , and the adaptive landscape will be complex with many local optima and no fixed attractors . Nevertheless , stochastic computational simulations of such models , can shed light on major theoretical linguistic issues , such as : are commonalities amongst the world 's languages necessarily a consequence of an innate language faculty ? ; under what conditions would such a faculty evolve ? ; or is language change a directional process ? ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME : &NAME &NAME tomorrow 22nd October Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / &NAME : The Interaction of Language Learning and Evolution Speaker : &NAME &NAME 12pm , Tuesday 22nd October Room GC22 , &NAME Laboratory , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : I will describe some models of natural languages as dynamical systems ( linguistic variants are differentially inherited " through child language learning ) , in some cases with adaptation ( linguistic selection amongst variants , natural selection for better language learners ) . The " natural " in " natural language " is mainly a marker to distinguish the study of human languages from that of logics or programming languages . The distinction has been methodologically without much content as formal linguistics treats human language as a static well-formed stringset and employs similar tools -- formal language theory , denotational semantics -- to theoretical computer science . Most linguists would probably agree with &NAME &NAME 's famous dictum , " I reject the contention that an important theoretical difference exists between formal and natural languages " , because not to would appear to preclude the possibility of formal linguistics . However , this has meant that , the focus has been on the individual speaker and her idiolect , whilst the study of language change and variation has remained mostly descriptive and unsystematic . Dynamical systems , such as the weather , can be rule-governed , complex ( in the sense of unpredictable ) , but not adaptive . Others , such as the immune system , are adaptive and complex . Complexity can arise through constraints on variation as well as through competing selection pressures . Constraints on language variation are a consequence of the cognitive capacities and limitations of the language users -- just as the constraints of biochemistry places limitations on variation in biological organisms . If language is adaptive for its users , and linguistic selection pressures for greater learnability , expressiveness and interpretability are often in conflict , then ( co-evolutionary ) interactions are predicted , and the adaptive landscape will be complex with many local optima and no fixed attractors . Nevertheless , stochastic computational simulations of such models , can shed light on major theoretical linguistic issues , such as : are commonalities amongst the world 's languages necessarily a consequence of an innate language faculty ? ; under what conditions would such a faculty evolve ? ; or is language change a directional process ? ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME 29th October Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / &NAME : Language Models for Information Retrieval Speaker : &NAME &NAME 12pm , Tuesday 29th October &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : &NUM of the most difficult problems in Information Retrieval ( IR ) is to define a good similarity measure between queries and a documents . The goodness of this measure will depend on several factors , such as its precision and recall , its computational cost , its update time , its interpretability , etc. A new similarity measure has been proposed recently by several authors ( &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , D. &NAME and others ) which exploits the " probabilistic language model " paradigm . This new measure offers new exciting possibilities for &NAME , as well as some limitations . Its differences with the " probabilistic &NAME " model ( &NAME &NAME and &NAME &NAME ) are still subject of debate . In this talk I will describe the &NUM models and sketch its differences and similarities . I will then explore some new venues opened by the language model , in domains on the fringes of Natural Language Processing and Information Retrieval . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME : &NAME &NAME Tomorrow 29th October Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / &NAME : Language Models for Information Retrieval Speaker : &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , Tuesday 29th October &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : one of the most difficult problems in Information Retrieval ( IR ) is to define a good similarity measure between queries and a documents . The goodness of this measure will depend on several factors , such as its precision and recall , its computational cost , its update time , its interpretability , etc. A new similarity measure has been proposed recently by several authors ( &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , D. &NAME and others ) which exploits the " probabilistic language model " paradigm . This new measure offers new exciting possibilities for &NAME , as well as some limitations . Its differences with the " probabilistic &NAME " model ( &NAME &NAME and &NAME &NAME ) are still subject of debate . In this talk I will describe the &NUM models and sketch its differences and similarities . I will then explore some new venues opened by the language model , in domains on the fringes of Natural Language Processing and Information Retrieval . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NUM &NAME &NAME : 5th November and 8th November Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 5th November , &NAME &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : Focusing Effects in &NAME Resolution : Computational Influences and &NAME &NAME Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME University &NAME : &NAME research based on &NAME &NAME ( &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME , &NUM ) has reached the conclusion that an ambiguous pronoun is interpreted immediately as referring to the entity assumed to constitute the local discourse focus , even in the presence of prior semantic information that makes this interpretation implausible . This contrasts with other experimental research which supports the position that discourse focus exerts a weak influence on pronominal interpretation and is overridden by pragmatic plausibility considerations . Moreover , there is substantial experimental research demonstrating that , even though the processes of resolving a pronoun are initiated as soon as the pronoun is encountered , they are not brought to completion until much later , especially in the case of ambiguous pronouns . Such a result is hardly compatible with the assumption of immediacy of interpretation underlying Centering-motivated research . In this talk I will argue that the discrepancies between &NAME and other psycholinguistic research on focusing and pronominal resolution can be attributed to some extent to the fact that these approaches do not always share the same definition of focus ; that they employ different experimental paradigms ; and that perhaps they probe different aspects of the resolution process . Finally , I will briefly discuss the extent to which a computational model such as &NAME &NAME , which is based on distributional observations ( &NAME , &NUM ) , can adequately explain psychological processes in general . 12pm , Friday 8th November , &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : A Lightweight Approach to &NAME &NAME and Conversational Natural Language Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME &NAME &NAME : Many approaches to natural language processing require large dictionaries , large grammars or both . For reasons of development cost , runtime performance and complexity , it can be desirable to avoid this , relying instead on simpler , robust techniques that nevertheless are still fit-for-purpose for many real-world applications . In this talk , the following software systems will be described and demonstrated : &NAME : a real-time text retrieval system that implements a combination of tagged searches , &NAME keyword searching and statistical approaches . &NAME : a conversational natural language processing ( chatterbot ) system that uses &NAME as a back-end database . &NAME : a special purpose programming language with a syntax loosely based upon &NAME and that is intended for the preprocessing of natural language queries in conversational question answering systems . &NAME has been in commercial use for some time by a number of companies within the &NAME and worldwide . &NAME was seen on &NAME &NAME 's World in early &NUM and has been in continuous use within the &NAME &NAME " exhibit at the &NAME Point Exhibition in &NAME , &NAME since its opening . iScript is currently being used by &NAME to help develop a number of conversational question answering / multimedia retrieval systems for companies including &NAME &NAME Group , &NAME &NAME , Heating Direct and others who cannot be mentioned for reasons of confidentiality . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME : &NAME &NAME tomorrow 8th November Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Friday 8th November , &NAME &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : A Lightweight Approach to &NAME &NAME and Conversational Natural Language Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME &NAME &NAME : Many approaches to natural language processing require large dictionaries , large grammars or both . For reasons of development cost , runtime performance and complexity , it can be desirable to avoid this , relying instead on simpler , robust techniques that nevertheless are still fit-for-purpose for many real-world applications . In this talk , the following software systems will be described and demonstrated : &NAME : a real-time text retrieval system that implements a combination of tagged searches , &NAME keyword searching and statistical approaches . &NAME : a conversational natural language processing ( chatterbot ) system that uses &NAME as a back-end database . &NAME : a special purpose programming language with a syntax loosely based upon &NAME and that is intended for the preprocessing of natural language queries in conversational question answering systems . &NAME has been in commercial use for some time by a number of companies within the &NAME and worldwide . &NAME was seen on &NAME &NAME 's World in early &NUM and has been in continuous use within the &NAME &NAME " exhibit at the &NAME Point Exhibition in &NAME , &NAME since its opening . iScript is currently being used by &NAME to help develop a number of conversational question answering / multimedia retrieval systems for companies including &NAME &NAME Group , &NAME &NAME , Heating Direct and others who cannot be mentioned for reasons of confidentiality . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME : &NAME &NAME tomorrow 12th November Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 12th November , &NAME &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : The &NAME &NAME &NAME Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME , &NAME University &NAME : The &NAME &NAME initiative is a seed activity in the design and development of a new type of treebank . While several medium- to large-scale treebanks exist for English and some other languages , pre-existing publicly available resources exhibit &NUM or more of the following limitations : ( &CHAR ) &NAME is monostratal , either encoding topological ( phrase structure ) or dependency information , ( ii ) the depth of linguistic information recorded is relatively shallow , ( iii ) the design and format of linguistic representation in the tree-bank hard-wires a small , predefined range of ways in which information can be extracted from the treebank , and ( iv ) representations in existing treebanks are static , creating challenges both for consistency during the development of a large-scale treebank , and for relevance over time as the field advances . &NAME &NAME aims at the development of a novel treebanking methodology , rich in nature and dynamic both in the ways linguistic data can be retrieved from the treebank in varying granularity and in the constant evolution and regular updating of the treebank itself . Since July &NUM , the project hsa been working to build the foundations for this new type of treebank , developing improved tools for treebank construction and maintenance , and constructing an initial set of &NUM , &NUM annotated trees hand-selected from the full set of analyses for each example produced by the &NAME English Resource Grammar ( &NAME ) . Both the tools and the data are distributed together with the &NAME system and the &NAME under an open-source license . In this talk I provide an overview of the Redwoods initiative , demonstrate the available tools , and report on the current results of the first update of the treebank to reflect improvements in the &NAME during the period from July &NUM to October &NUM . &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , and &NAME &NAME ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME tomorrow 26th November Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 26th November , &NAME &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : Plug and Play &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NAME and Play is an increasingly important concept in system and network architectures . We introduce and describe a spoken language dialogue system architecture which supports Plug and Playable networks of objects in its domain . Each device in the network carries the linguistic and dialogue management information which is pertinent to it and uploads it dynamically to the relevant language processing components in the spoken language interface . This is joint work by &NAME &NAME Technology Limited and &NAME Research . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Tuesday 3rd December Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / &NAME : Automatic indexing and retrieval of crime-scene photographs : having recourse to Natural Language Processing Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME University &NUM noon , Tuesday 3rd December , Room &NAME &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : Current approaches in automatic text-based image indexing fail in capturi ng semantic information expressed in the captions , that is important for the subsequent retrieval of the images . The indexing and retrieval prototype developed within the Scene Of Crime Information System ( SOCIS ) project attempts to go beyond keyword-based approaches and methods that extract syntactic relations from captions . SOCIS relies on advanced Natural Language Processing techniques in order to extract relational facts from captions . These relational facts consist of a pragmatic relation '' and the entities this relation connects ( triples of the form : ARG1 - &NAME &NAME ) . In SOCIS , the triples are used as complex image indexing terms ; however , the extraction mechanism is used not only for indexing purposes but also for image retrieval . Extracting the corresponding relational structures from free - natural language queries , SOCIS attempts to match the query triples to the indexing triple &CHAR and retrieve the appropriate images with high precision and recall . We have implemented this approach for crime investigation , an application domain where efficient querying of large crime-scene photograph databases is of crucial importance . In this presentation , I will start with a demonstration of the current SO &NAME prototype and an overview of the application scenario and I will then focus on the &NAME techniques used for developing the prototype . The main extraction mechanism will be presented , as well as a preliminary retrieval mechanism ( the " query triples - indexing triples " matching mechanism ) . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME : &NAME &NAME Tomorrow 3rd December Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / &NAME : Automatic indexing and retrieval of crime-scene photographs : having recourse to Natural Language Processing Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME University &NUM noon , Tuesday 3rd December , Room &NAME &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : Current approaches in automatic text-based image indexing fail in capturing semantic information expressed in the captions , that is important for the subsequent retrieval of the images . The indexing and retrieval prototype developed within the Scene Of Crime Information System ( SOCIS ) project attempts to go beyond keyword-based approaches and methods that extract syntactic relations from captions . SOCIS relies on advanced Natural Language Processing techniques in order to extract relational facts from captions . These relational facts consist of a pragmatic relation '' and the entities this relation connects ( triples of the form : ARG1- &NAME &NAME ) . In SOCIS , the triples are used as complex image indexing terms ; however , the extraction mechanism is used not only for indexing purposes but also for image retrieval . Extracting the corresponding relational structures from free-natural language queries , SOCIS attempts to match the query triples to the indexing triples and retrieve the appropriate images with high precision and recall . We have implemented this approach for crime investigation , an application domain where efficient querying of large crime-scene photograph databases is of crucial importance . In this presentation , I will start with a demonstration of the current SOCIS prototype and an overview of the application scenario and I will then focus on the &NAME techniques used for developing the prototype . The main extraction mechanism will be presented , as well as a preliminary retrieval mechanism ( the " query triples - indexing triples " matching mechanism ) . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Tuesday 21st January Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 21st January , &NAME &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : Grammatical Relations , &NAME &NAME and Question Answering Speaker : &NAME &NAME - University of &NAME &NAME : In this talk , I will give an overview of my PhD thesis work on automatically finding grammatical relations to verbs in English . Grammatical relations ( &NAME ) , such as subject , direct object , temporal or locative adjunct , are interesting from a theoretical as well as from a practical point of view because they constitute a link between syntax and semantics . &NUM approach to finding &NAME is to have a parser construct a full parse of a sentence and to extract &NAME from the parse tree afterwards . By contrast , our relation finder directly extracts grammatical relations from part-of-speech tagged and chunked text . The relation finder is implemented through a supervised machine learning algorithm , viz . &NAME &NAME . I will briefly explain &NAME &NAME , show how I derived training and test material from the &NAME &NAME and give a summary of results . In the second part , I will show how &NAME can be used for open domain question answering ( QA ) on the &NAME . I will introduce the &NAME task and its evaluation , explain how I implemented a &NAME prototype and show examples of successes and failures . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: NL&IP Seminar Tuesday 28th January Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 28th January , &NAME &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : Document filtering : tasks , models and implementation Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME Research &NAME : Much information retrieval research revolves around a canonical model of a search task : a user issuing a query to a ( temporarily static ) document collection , and being presented with a ranked list of documents ( with perhaps a feedback loop ) . This model informs many aspects of the work - - the kinds of theoretical approach taken , many implementation issues including the design of efficient , fast-response systems , the measurement of effectiveness and the qualitative testing of systems . However , we may take a number of different views of the information task itself and the user context in which that task occurs . &NUM alternative is represented by the filtering task , as defined for the &NAME exercise . Here filtering is seen as a content-based , adaptive task applied to an incoming stream of documents , involving user needs represented by profiles . In this talk , I will explore the nature of this task , and some of the ways in which it must be treated differently from the canonical model . I will address both conceptual and implementation issues , and discuss some experimental results from &NAME . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: NL&IP Seminar 4th &NAME Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 4th &NAME , &NAME &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : " &NAME conversational agents -- the inside story " Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME &NAME , &NAME Center , &NAME &NAME : &NAME have produced the world 's first commercial embodied conversational agent ( &NAME ) - &NAME &NAME . Using a state of the &NAME &NAME and animation framework , &NAME &NAME enables a user to go to a web site and interact with a &NUM virtual agent using natural language . Aimed at the general computer scientist , this talk will include a high level introduction to the processing pipeline in &NAME 's &NAME : from the authoring tools for generating graphical and linguistic content , to the statistical &NAME system , gesture planning and client animation frameworks . &NAME &NAME will also include an introduction to &NAME and consider the challenges for current research in &NAME and computer graphics ( both for the individual fields and their integration ) . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME : &NAME &NAME Tomorrow 11th &NAME Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 11th &NAME , &NAME &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : &NAME 's Approach to Natural Language Understanding in &NAME &NAME Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NAME has been researching Natural Language Understanding for the last decade . Its resultant technologies offer many advantages over its competitors , with statistical language parsers replacing more traditional grammar based understanding methods as well as free form dialog offering full user control as well as features like digression and dissambiguation . This talk will present an introduction to these technologies , how they fit into the telephony environment and some of the design considerations deployed when developing such a system . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: NL&IP Seminar Tuesday 18th &NAME Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 18th &NAME , &NAME ( PLEASE NOTE CHANGE FROM NORMAL LOCATION ) &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : &NAME &NAME &NAME in a Semantic Web &NAME Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME Institute of Informatics , &NAME &NAME : &NAME mining aims to automatically and reliably extract prototypical facts from large text collections such as company take-overs ( news ) , protein-interactions ( functional genomics ) , missile tests ( defence ) etc. . Typical approaches based on information extraction technology will usually focus on shallow semantics such as named entities in order to build up a template view of part of the text but this approach suffers from not being able to offer the computer a deeper understanding of the mined information or allowing this deeper understanding to feed back and influence the tempate filling process . In order to increase portability of knowledge and to allow the text mining system to incorporate deeper semantic knowledge of concept classes , properties ( slots ) , relations and axioms we are developing a front-end environment which allows domain-experts to specify such knowledge cooperatively online in the form of an ontology . Once an ontology has been agreed , a representative set of texts can be annotated according to the specified classes and given to the information extraction system to learn from so that future texts in the domain can be automatically mined for similar facts . This talk introduces an overview of the system and also focuses in some detail on experiments we have recently done using support vector machines in extending the named entity task to domain-based terminology identification and classification for functional genomics . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: NL&IP Seminar Tuesday 25th &NAME Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 25th &NAME , FW11 &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : &NAME - A &NAME &NAME Approach to &NAME &NAME . Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME University &NAME : &NAME is a type of figurative language where &NUM entity is used to refer to another related entity . A typical example is ( &NUM ) Does he drive a &NAME ? In ( &NUM ) , the name of a company " &NAME " is used to refer to a car produced by that company . Most traditional approaches to metonymy understanding rely on large amounts of world knowledge and are not easily scalable and / or portable . In the MASCARA project we explored supervised statistical classification methods as an alternative approach . We will present the following results : &NUM The regularity and productivity of metonymic readings make it possible to reduce metonymy understanding to a classification task comparable to classic word sense disambiguation for the large majority of metonymic readings . &NUM Grammatical argument-head relations are an appropriate feature for such a classification task and , in particular , more predictive for metonymy recognition than e.g. , collocations . &NUM Data sparseness in argument-head relations can be at least partially overcome by the integration of thesaurus information without increasing the size of the training data . &NUM We also explore the effect that parser accuracy has on the recognition algorithm and compare the difficulty of metonymy recognition to classic word sense disambiguation . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: NL&IP Seminar Tuesday 4th March Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 4th March , FW11 &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : Modelling language resources - towards reference standards in &NAME Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME , &NAME &NAME : This talk will outline the current developments related to linguistic resources and their standardization . It will show the general standardizing context ( &NAME and &NAME TC37 / SC4 , see &WEBSITE modelling language resource formats , based on the experience already conducted in the domain of multilingual terminology . We will exemplify this model with examples taken from Morpho-syntax , syntax and semantic representations . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME : &NAME &NAME Tuesday 4th March Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 4th March , FW11 &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : Modelling language resources - towards reference standards in &NAME Speaker : &NAME &NAME - &NAME , &NAME &NAME : This talk will outline the current developments related to linguistic resources and their standardization . It will show the general standardizing context ( &NAME and &NAME TC37 / SC4 , see &WEBSITE modelling language resource formats , based on the experience already conducted in the domain of multilingual terminology . We will exemplify this model with examples taken from Morpho-syntax , syntax and semantic representations . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: &NAME : &NAME &NAME Tuesday 11th March Natural Language and Information Processing Group Seminar &WEBSITE / 12pm , Tuesday 11th March , FW11 &ORG , &NAME &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME Avenue &WEBSITE &NAME : Experiments on the Automatic Induction of German Verb Classes Speaker : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME - University of &NAME &NAME : The verb is central to the structure and the meaning of a sentence , so available lexical resources on verb knowledge represent an important means for Natural Language Processing applications . This talk focuses on the automatic induction of verb classes : a clustering methodology is developed which utilises the relationship between verb meaning components and verb behaviour to provide a classification of German verbs . In the first part of the talk , I describe the acquisition of lexical syntactic and semantic verb properties from an unsupervised trained statistical grammar model . The properties are used to define German verbs on &NUM levels of verb description , purely syntactic frame types , prepositional phrase information and selectional preferences . In the second part of the talk , I describe the adjustment of the standard clustering algorithm k-Means to the task of inducing semantic verb classes from the various verb descriptions . The clustering parameters , clustering evaluation and clustering results are interpreted and discussed . ( All welcome - For instructions on how to get to the &ORG , please see : &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: Careers Service - How we can help This unsolicited message comes to you from the University Careers Service , offering help and advice in planning what to do after you finish your postgraduate studies at &NAME Remember , to use us you do n't need to know exactly what you want to do . ... Whether you are interested in further study or research , taking time out to gather experience , finding a job - or have no ideas at all - we can help you . Some tips . . ... &NUM Look at the term 's Diary online . ... via &WEBSITE and employer presentations . This term 's events include . ... Teaching &NUM &NAME Careers Fair &NUM / &NUM &NAME &NAME &NUM / &NUM &NAME . ... better still , get the events listing emailed weekly to your inbox through CLICK . ... &NUM Sign up for our CLICK email service . ... delivering to your inbox information relevant to career choices across a range of areas including Engineering , For More than &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , and Science and more . ... everything from the conventional to the unconventional . Sign up on our website &NUM Look at the weekly vacancy information . ... targeted at &NAME students and updated on our website . &NUM If you are an international student . . . ... the following booklets might be of interest and are available from &NAME &NAME : " International students - Working and Studying in the &NAME " , " Finding work with Supranational employers " and " Careers and further study for international students " &NUM Come to a Start Here session . ... lasting &NUM minutes and regularly at &NAME House in &NAME &NAME Find out what we offer . Includes a tour of our resources . Drop in to sign up &NAME &NAME Deputy Director Careers Service SUBJECT: &NAME Language &NAME I have been asked by the University for details of students who are native speakers of a language other than English . Therefore , if this applies to you , I would be grateful for your name and the language you are a native speaker in. Thanks &NAME This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: Message from the Senior Tutor We have just received a report of a suspected spiking of a drink at a night club in &NAME . Please be vigilant . This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: Re : Athletics &NAME&NAME , that would be wonderful ! There 's a map up on the board ( or there will be very soon ) telling you where it is ( if you do n't already know ) . As yet the team is pretty sparce , although I 'm hoping to get more people together this evening . I do n't know if you 've tried out any field events , but if you would like to try any out on the day , and we have a space , then you 're more than welcome . Also , as you seem to be a runner , we might need you for the 4x100m ( if you wanted to ) but , again , I 'll just have to see how the team is going . But , yes , for the 200m , 400m and 800m , thanks for running ! See you Saturday , &NAME On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Hi . If you are &NAME &NAME , &NAME athletics captain , then I have remembered your email adress correctly , if not I apologize . I 'd like to take part in the inter-college competition tomorrow and Sunday , in the 400m , 800m and 200m events ( Men ) if there 's room . Cheers . &NAME &NAME . SUBJECT: The &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME ! + Below is the list I have of all the people competing Saturday and Sunday . + Sorry if I have spelt your name wrong ! + As you can see , there are lots of gaps ( in the women 's team especially ) . If you can fill any ( or find anyone else who can ) just turn up and go for it ! + Try and come along before your event starts ( obviously ) but at least &NUM minutes before and pick up a number and pins either from me or from the organisers box . + We have a GREAT team so far , and we are seriously going to do well ! See you all tomorrow or Sunday . &NAME MEN 'S TEAM 100m : &NAME &NAME , ? 200m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME 400m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME 800m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME 1500m : &NAME &NAME , ? 3000m : &NAME &NAME , ? 110m hurdles : ? , ? 200m hurdles : ? , ? 1500m &CHAR / &CHAR : &NAME &NAME , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Pole &NAME : ? , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME Peace Shot &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME ( ? ) , ? &NUM &CHAR 100m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME ( ? ) , &NAME &NAME WOMEN 'S TEAM 100m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME 200m : ? , ? 400m : ? , ? 800m : &NAME &NAME , ? 1500m : &NAME &NAME , ? 3000m : ? , ? 100m hurdles : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME 200m hurdles : ? , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Pole &NAME : ? , ? &NAME &NAME : ? , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , ? Shot &NAME : &NAME &NAME , ? Discus &NAME : ? , ? &NAME : ? , ? &NAME &NAME : ? , ? &NUM &CHAR 100m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , ? , ? SUBJECT: Athletics time table Here is the time table for the events . It 's also up on the board opposite the &NAME . Also up on that board is a map of how to get to the ground , if any of you are unclear about that . My Mobile number is &NUM is any of you have any worries . ( although I might not be able to answer it is say , I 'm doing pole vault ... ) . If you 're competing on Sunday , remeber that the clocks go back tonight ! I 'll send out an email about organising our formal hall after the weekend . Try and keep that Friday evening free ( 1st November ) See you all this weekend ! &NAME The time table : &NAME &NAME &NUM &NUM &NAME Track events &NAME events &NUM 00pm 1500m Steeplechase ( &CHAR ) &NUM 30pm 200m Hurdles ( &NAME ) &NAME ( &NAME ) &NUM 15pm 100m ( &CHAR ) &NUM 30pm Triple Jump ( &CHAR ) &NUM 45pm 100m ( &CHAR ) &NUM 00pm 400m ( &CHAR ) Discus ( &CHAR ) &NUM 30pm 400m ( &CHAR ) &NAME &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM 00pm 1500m ( &CHAR ) &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM 30pm 1500m ( &CHAR ) SUNDAY &NAME &NUM &NUM &NAME Track events &NAME events &NUM 00am &NAME &NAME ( &CHAR ) , &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM 45am &NAME &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM noon 110m Hurdles ( &CHAR ) &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM 30pm 100m Hurdles ( &CHAR ) &NUM 00pm 800m ( &CHAR ) &NAME &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM 20pm 800m ( &CHAR ) &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME ( &CHAR ) , Discus ( &CHAR ) &NUM 40pm 200m ( &CHAR ) &NUM 10pm 200m ( &CHAR ) Pole Vault ( &NAME ) &NUM 30pm 3000m ( &CHAR ) &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM 00pm 3000m ( &CHAR ) &NUM 30pm &NUM &CHAR 100m ( &CHAR ) &NUM 40pm &NUM &CHAR 100m ( &CHAR ) SUBJECT: Athletics Cancelled As you might have guessed , the weather today has made it impossible to keep doing athletics . They are going to try and rearrange it for next weekend , and the formal we were going to have this friday I 'll try and arrange for next week as well . Whatever happens I 'll send out an email to let you all know . &NAME SUBJECT: 2nd Day of Cuppers +Do n't buy formal tickets for Friday yet ! If you have , then it 's easy to go to the catering manager and explain that you do n't want the ticket that you booked . +The 2nd day of Cuppers is going to happen next Sunday ( weather permitting ) with the same times for events , and the points from yesterday 's events carried forward . I will have to chat to the catering manager , but I will try and rearrange our formal for the week after that . I will email you to tell you what is happening in the next few days . +In case you did n't know , at the moment we lie about 4th / 5th in the competition ( which is fantastic ! ) &NAME SUBJECT: THIS FRIDAY - Athletics &NAME Hall &NAME &NAME ! +Thanks so much for turning out and doing your stuff at the track . We were 5th in the men 's at the start of Sunday ( I do n't know about the womens ) , but I 'll hopefully have all the results for Friday . +Buy your formal hall tickets for Fridays formal hall in the usual way that you buy them . The &NAME is providing drinks for us before hand in the &NAME room ( I think that 's what it 's called - the small room next to the steps down to the gym ) which will be at &NUM : &NAME , so come along for that before the meal at &NUM : &NAME . ( You might also want to bring some other drinks for the meal ) . +You need to buy them BEFORE Wednesday lunchtime ( as that is the cutoff point for the catering people ) . +Do come along , as it will be great to have a laugh together as a team . See you all Friday &NAME SUBJECT: Athletics this Sunday &NAME &NAME ! + &NAME , as you know the second day of cuppers is taking place this Sunday , after being postponed from last Sunday . + The time table is the same , and hopefully all the people who were able to come along last Sunday will also be able to come along this Sunday . I know some people are unable to make it , and that 's fine , but if anyone knows anyone else at &NAME who would like to come along and fill in some of the spaces , do get them to come along with you . At the end of the email I 've included the team list , and the time table for Sunday . + We 're 5th ! We just have to do the same as last weekend to stay the same ( and hopefully do better ) . + Our formal will hopefully be next Friday , as long as the day does n't get canceled again ! I 'll send out an email about that after Sunday . + If it is cancelled again , I will send out an email as soon as I can , or come round and tell you . Or if you think it might be cancelled due to the weather , then give me a call to find out on : &NUM . + &NAME , see some of you Sunday ! &NAME MEN 'S TEAM 100m : &NAME &NAME , ? 200m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME 400m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME 800m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME 1500m : &NAME &NAME , ? 3000m : &NAME &NAME , ? 110m hurdles : ? , ? 200m hurdles : ? , ? 1500m &CHAR / &CHAR : &NAME &NAME , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Pole &NAME : ? , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME Peace Shot &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME ( ? ) , ? &NUM &CHAR 100m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME ( ? ) , &NAME &NAME WOMEN 'S TEAM 100m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME 200m : ? , ? 400m : ? , ? 800m : &NAME &NAME , ? 1500m : &NAME &NAME , ? 3000m : ? , ? 100m hurdles : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME 200m hurdles : ? , ? &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Pole &NAME : ? , ? &NAME &NAME : ? , ? Triple &NAME : &NAME &NAME , ? Shot &NAME : &NAME &NAME , ? Discus &NAME : ? , ? &NAME : ? , ? &NAME &NAME : ? , ? &NUM &CHAR 100m : &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME , ? , ? TIME TABLE : SUNDAY &NAME Track events &NAME events &NUM 00am &NAME &NAME ( &CHAR ) , &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM 45am Long &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM noon 110m Hurdles ( &CHAR ) &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM 30pm 100m Hurdles ( &CHAR ) &NUM 00pm 800m ( &CHAR ) &NAME &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM 20pm 800m ( &CHAR ) &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME ( &CHAR ) , Discus ( &CHAR ) &NUM 40pm 200m ( &CHAR ) &NUM 10pm 200m ( &CHAR ) Pole Vault ( &NAME ) &NUM 30pm 3000m ( &CHAR ) &NAME ( &CHAR ) &NUM 00pm 3000m ( &CHAR ) &NUM 30pm &NUM &CHAR 100m ( &CHAR ) &NUM 40pm &NUM &CHAR 100m ( &CHAR ) SUBJECT: Re : THIS FRIDAY - Athletics &NAME Hall Remember - get your tickets before tomorrow lunch time . in fact , get them NOW ! There will be a lot of other people around having a football formal as well , making it even more fun ! &NUM : 00pm in the &NAME room . &NAME On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME &NAME ! + Thanks so much for turning out and doing your stuff at the track . We were 5th in the men 's at the start of Sunday ( I do n't know about the womens ) , but I 'll hopefully have all the results for Friday . + Buy your formal hall tickets for Fridays formal hall in the usual way that you buy them . The &NAME is providing drinks for us before hand in the &NAME room ( I think that 's what it 's called - the small room next to the steps down to the gym ) which will be at &NUM : &NAME , so come along for that before the meal at &NUM : &NAME . ( You might also want to bring some other drinks for the meal ) . +You need to buy them BEFORE Wednesday lunchtime ( as that is the cutoff point for the catering people ) . +Do come along , as it will be great to have a laugh together as a team . See you all Friday &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME on Saturday Just to let you know that if any of you wanted to come and do a pentathlon tomorrow one is going on ! You can compete in a group of &NUM or on your own and the events are : 100m , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and 1500m . Or you can just turn up and do any of the events that you want , just to see how you do . I 've included the email I was sent from the uni if any &NUM is interested . &NAME Dear captains , Just to clarify , each College can enter an unlimited number of teams in the two-man pentathlon on Saturday . Please make sure that your athletes know about this as many of them may not be on the &NAME list . Please also strongly encourage anyone who wants to just do a couple of events to come along as we will cater for anyone who wants to guest in any event , and can also pair up individuals without partners before the competition starts . As a reminder , the timetable is below : &NUM 30pm 100m &NUM 00pm &NAME jump &NUM 45pm Shot put &NUM 15pm Long jump &NUM 00pm 1500m Regards , &NAME &NAME &NAME This is the &NAME College &NAME mailing list SUBJECT: test message this email is to test the cstit-students mailing list . Please let me know if you think you have got this message in error , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME : volunteers needed for &NAME experiment ( native English speakers ) This experiment sounds interesting but I 'm just forwarding the request for &NAME - please address any questions to her , &NAME Subject : volunteers needed for &NAME experiment We are a group of researchers at the University of &NAME who are presently conducting an experimental study of language use . As part of this study , we 're looking for people who are willing to take part in an experiment conducted over the &NAME Wide Web . By taking part in this experiment , you will automatically be entered into our PRIZE draw . We will randomly choose &NUM participants who will each be sent a cheque for &NUM pounds . The &NAME is open to anyone willing to receive a &NAME cheque . To participate , you need to be a native speaker of English . The experimental procedure is simple ; you 'll see a small number of texts in which the order of the sentences is scrambled . Your task is to arrange the sentences so that they form a coherent text . The experiment will take approximately &NUM minutes to complete . To participate , you will need a web browser that supports Javascript . The experiment is called Sentence Ordering '' and can be found at the following web site : &WEBSITE / Thanks in advance for your help ! - -------------------------------------------------------------------- &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME / School of Informatics --- &NAME of &NAME &NUM &NAME Place , &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME -------- &NUM &EMAIL ------ &WEBSITE / - -------------------------------------------------------------------- SUBJECT: lg1 practicals Hi , Just a friendly ( I hope ) message to say that we noticed you did n't have the tick for session one of the practicals yet . There 's no requirement to get a tick every week as long as you get them all by the end of term , so if this is just because you forgot , or the demonstrator was too busy , or whatever , then that 's fine . But if you are having problems , please let me ( or &NAME ) know asap . Best , &NAME SUBJECT: late tick session for Language &NUM practical If you ca n't get a tick for the Language &NUM practical by 5pm on Friday , I will do a late tick session in &NAME at 2pm on Tuesday 10th . Please email me at the end of Friday 's session if you 're going to need this . &NAME SUBJECT: late tick session I should 've said - there will be no penalty for missed deadlines if you get the final Language &NUM ticks on Tuesday . That is the last chance to get the tick though . &NAME SUBJECT: heating problems there was no heating in the &NAME rooms this morning but the problem should now have been fixed . In general , if there 's a problem with anything like heating or lights , the easiest thing to do is to talk to reception and ask them to notify &NAME &NAME . There 's a phone in the practical room - reception is &NUM . &NAME SUBJECT: today 's lecture I realise some of you found it difficult to get in for my lecture today - what I suggest is that you go through the handout and have a look at &NAME and &NAME &NUM ( even those of you who were in the lecture would probably benefit from having a look at that , since my notes are somewhat sketchy ) . If there 's demand , I will then schedule a tutorial session for 11am on &NAME 14th , where I can go through that and anything else that 's come up about dialogue systems or language &NUM . The rest of the dialogue systems lectures do n't depend on you knowing about this stuff , however . &NAME SUBJECT: more answer files in /usr / groups / mphil / qa03 / rmrs / ans - missing &NUM will be added incrementally &WEBSITE - will be moved to /usr / groups / mphil / qa03 / reports when I get write permission on that directory - later versions will have version numbers , so you can see if there are updates &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME files All but one of the answer files are now in /usr / groups / mphil / qa03 / rmrs / ans - the missing &NUM files are &NUM , &NUM , &NUM and &NUM . If we can repair the problems we will add those files and let you know . Otherwise these are the final versions for this practical ( unless very serious bugs are reported ) . You may notice that the dates have changed on some of the files that you had before - these files should be otherwise identical to the versions you have been looking at . Although the old &NAME and &NAME files remain , please use the top_docs files instead . I have replaced ques-out-jan29.rmrs with a version which has &NUM structure for each of the &NUM sentences ( the older version had &NUM structures missing ) . There should be a &NUM mapping between the sentences in this file and the answer files , apart from the missing answer files mentioned above . Please let me know at once if you suspect that this is still not the case . I will attempt to answer all the outstanding questions that you have sent tonight or on Sunday if not . Thanks for your patience , &NAME SUBJECT: practicals &NUM ) the &NUM missing .rmrs files are now in the same directory as the others - there should be no further changes or additions &WEBSITE which contains lines of the form base &NAME &NAME ... derivedn where the base is always a verb ( because I 've only done things which can be taken to have a base verb ) and the derived forms are mostly nouns ( but there 's the occasional adjective ) e.g. &NAME &NAME It only contains forms where either the base form or a derived form is in the questions . Note that I 've entered the " ing " forms as &CHAR since that 's how the &NAME treats them when they occur prenominally ( the &NAME will generally treat these as derived , however , so you get the base relation and a nominalize_rel ) . However , &NAME at least sometimes tags them as adjectives and does n't treat them as derived . Some zero-derived forms are included . The file was created semi-automatically and is no doubt buggy in some respects - if you improve it , you should make this clear in your writeup and include the improved version with the code you submit . &NAME SUBJECT: access to machines in the Intel lab Just to let you know that your COTAG cards should now allow you access to the Intel lab ( big room full of machines on the other end of the top floor from the &NAME rooms ) . This may be useful if you want access to a &NAME machine ( or , when the weather is better , if you 'd like to sit on the balcony watching the horses ... ) If you do use the lab , please note that , though it 's rarely full , there are times when it 's used intensively and undergraduates and Diploma students always have priority . &NAME SUBJECT: missed &NAME lecture I 'll do an extra lecture in Language &NUM on Friday next week at &NUM ( i.e. after Dialogue systems ) to make up for the one I missed yesterday . &NAME SUBJECT: Language &NUM practical - parsing your own questions ( OPTIONAL ! ) This is strictly optional , but if you want to parse your own example questions to look at the &NAME , here 's what you have to do : &NUM start &NAME &NUM M-x allegro ( this assumes you still have the &NAME from last term ) &NUM at the &NAME ( &NUM ) prompt ( require : climxm ) &NAME ( &NUM ) : ( load " /usr / groups / nltools / lingo / newlkb / src / general / loadup " ) &NAME ( &NUM ) : ( load-system 'mrs " ) this loads a modified &NAME &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME complete grammar /usr / groups / nltools / lingo / erg / lkb / local-script it is important to load local-script rather than script . you will need about &NUM &NAME spare space in your ~/tmp directory for the lexicon etc ( you can always link it to local scratch if necessary ) you can then parse sentences as you did with your own grammar last term , but you will see an &NAME option on the menu that you get by clicking on the small parse tree . This displays the &NAME in a compact notation . To get the &NAME , use &NAME to Expand menu , then &NAME / Output level and choose &NAME . then everything you parse will get an &NAME &NAME in the * common-lisp * buffer of your emacs . If you want to save your own preferences , you will have to copy /usr / groups / nltools / lingo / erg / to your filespace . then load the grammar via script rather than local-script &NAME PS - I have no way of checking that I 've got all the file permissions etc right , so if you try this and it does n't work , let me know . I am sorry for the cumbersome &NAME loading procedure , but other methods require sys-admin to set things up . SUBJECT: Re : Practical report Mainly in response to questions from &NAME , but &NAME to everyone for info : - Do you have any preference as to whether or not the code is listed in appendices ? we 'd prefer that you do n't give code - but do make sure that your directories are readable by us when you hand-in . The exception is that if there 's some algorithm you 're especially proud of and are writing up in detail , feel free to give pseudo-code ( preferred ) or fragments of actual code to make the algorithm clear - Do you have any preference as to whether single or double-sided printing is used ? Normally double-sided , but it so happens that we 're going to have to photocopy some or all of the marked practicals this year , so anything you can do to make this easier would be appreciated . Single-sided with a binding or staple that can easily be removed would help . The same applies to the essays . Also , in response to a couple of questions , you do not have to get high &NAME to get good marks on the practical . &NAME SUBJECT: Athletics Hi &NAME , The website address is &WEBSITE training is posted . There is 400m training for the men at 3.30pm at the track . On Thursday there is sprint training and 400m training at 3.30pm at the track . I will not be at either session , but there will be lots of people there . Lots of love , &NAME xxxx SUBJECT: &NAME Christmas Party ( Fwd ) Hi everyone ! Have been told to let you know we are welcome at the &NAME xmas party , details below . &NAME xx Ladies and Gentlemen , By now you should all be aware that the CU Athletics Club Christmas Party is taking place at &NAME on Tuesday 3rd December . The evening will begin at &NAME , in &NAME Party Room . ( Although the main college bar will be open from &NUM so feel free to come straight down after circuits ! ! ) There will be a free drink on arrival , and the party room bar will be open for the duration of the evening . There will be copious quantities of mince pies , and other Christmas eats to keep you pigged-out ( if you should so wish ) . Theme is " Pimps and &NAME " , so start thinking now for costumes . There will be plenty of party games like last year , hopefully coordinated by &NAME again ( although I 'd rather not make another appearance on the &NAME video camera . . . . . . . ... ) . Cost is £ &NUM per head , and the evening goes on until &NUM , giving plenty of time for &NAME 's action afterwards . If you 'd like a ticket , email me to let me know ( &EMAIL ) and get a cheque for £ &NUM payable to CU &NAME Club either into my Pigeon Hole at &NAME , or through the door of my house ( &NUM &NAME Road - the road most of you have to cycle up to get to the track ) &NAME . So far I 've had the grand total of &NUM cheque , from some bloke called &NAME Hall . . . . . . . ... Thanks all , &NAME Hall &NAME &NAME &NUM &NAME Road &NAME &NAME &NAME &NUM &NUM You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: Sunday training &NAME , Just a reminder that training this Sunday is at 10.30am rather than the &NUM 30am of last week . hope to see you all then , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Hi &NAME I 'm doing plyometrics at the track again on Tuesday if your interested . Going by last weeks timing &NAME is probably a more realsitic time . bye for now , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &CHAR we'll be back 3.00am monday morning ok , &NUM more thing : Do you have an approximate time when we 'll be back on Monday ? I basically have to be back before 11.00am on monday since I have a presentation to make then ... cheers . &NAME On &NAME &NUM &NUM , &NAME " &NAME " &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME Do n't know why you were n't sent this with everyone else &NAME Hi guys I 've got some bad and good news . BAd : the youth hostel we where going to stay at got fire damaged this weekend and we ca n't stay there , and all the other yostels close to glawsgo are already full . Hence I 've had to book alternate accomodation that is a little more pricey . GOOD : The deal is that we get contential breakfast , and a really nice evening meal on Friday and Saturday . YOU NEED TO BRING : Kit , as much cuac kit as possible , you need at least the club vest+ black shorts safety pins Cheque for &NUM quid made payable to CU athletic club . Shower stuff etc. Small amount of petty cash . Camera 's etc. THE PLAN meet at wilberforce road car park @ 1.15pm on Friday Arrive in at &NAME around 9.00pm in time for evening meal We are now staying the &NAME Inn , &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME in Twin rooms . This is &NUM miles from &NAME hall Breakfast 8.15am Saturday morning Take bus to &NAME &NAME 8.40am Bus back from &NAME hall after last &NAME competitor runs that day Evening meal at holiday Inn. Do exactly the same on Sunday but leave all your stuff on the bus and then we 'll leave straight from &NAME Hall after the last event . Arrive back in &NAME very early Monday morning . REPLY TO EMAIL TO &NAME ME KNOW YOU READ IT AND WILL BE MEETING THE &NAME AT 1.15pm ON &NAME hey &NAME , just checking to see what the plan for BUSA is as I might not make it to training tomorrow ... &NAME . SUBJECT: Further VFEAR details for the team of power Hi guys By now you should have received a selection letter from my good self . If you still havent replied letting me know your availability please do so . FRIDAYS GET TOGETHER , &NAME &NAME has manage to collect a load of vouchers that lets &NUM people eat at &NAME ( opposite &NAME ) for a fiver so she 's booked &NUM places for us and the girls for 7.30pm on Friday . First come first served email &NAME &EMAIL if want to rock up More importantly were meeting up at the ofspreys club to watch an inspiring vid at &NAME also on Friday to get us in the mood for but whipping . It would be good if as many of the team as possible get to meet up before the match so please try to make it . The ofspreys club in behind the masters lodge at &NAME College . Go past the main entrance for &NAME ( going out of town ) then turn right into the drive of the masters lodge , at the corner of the drive there is a door go though it into the ofspreys club , DRESS FOR SUNDAY We 'll be travelling down , as tradition dictates for varsity events in smart dress / blazers , trousers shirt and tie at the least . Bring on the &NAME ! &NAME " &NAME &NAME " &NAME &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: VFEAR tommorrow Hi everyone Remember bus leaves 9.15am from wilberforce road tomorrow , shirt an tie to travel down in. &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Animal of the week I think &NAME Z-P and I should at least be in the running for our first ( and probably last ! ) mountain marathon ( B-course of the &NAME ) . Over 50km in the &NAME with gales , &NAME , hail and a leaking tent . &NUM hours and &NUM mins of running . Not exactly speedy , but very determined ! Also &NAME &NAME who did very well in the C class ( not sure of the final results but was 3rd after the first day 's run ) . &NAME . &NAME : Can anyone else bring a &NAME player to circuits tonight ? I 'm in pain and I do n't want to fall off my bike and make it worse . On Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME award for last week goes to &NAME &NAME of &NAME for his excellent performance at the &NAME relays on Sunday . Not only did he get the fastest time of the day ( well - joint fastest with some other part-timer ) he also led his team to a highly convincing victory . Mention must also go to everyone who ran at the wind-swept race yesterday - good work . Sorry if I 've blantantly missed any other animalistic performances . . . . ... See you around &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME College , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . New Mobile Number : &NUM &NUM &NAME Address : &NAME &NAME , Moor Lane , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Mobile : &NUM &NUM &NAME &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM " You can take a man out of &NAME but you can never take the &NAME out of a man " . You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: Re : Animal of the week Highly commendable stuff . You will be put in contention for this weeks award . Ca n't make it to circuits 2nite I 'm afraid . . . . . . ... &NAME I think &NAME Z-P and I should at least be in the running for our first ( and probably last ! ) mountain marathon ( B-course of the &NAME ) . Over 50km in the &NAME with gales , &NAME , hail and a leaking tent . &NUM hours and &NUM mins of running . Not exactly speedy , but very determined ! Also &NAME &NAME who did very well in the C class ( not sure of the final results but was 3rd after the first day 's run ) . &NAME . &NAME : Can anyone else bring a &NAME player to circuits tonight ? I 'm in pain and I do n't want to fall off my bike and make it worse . On Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME award for last week goes to &NAME &NAME of &NAME for his excellent performance at the &NAME relays on Sunday . Not only did he get the fastest time of the day ( well - joint fastest with some other part-timer ) he also led his team to a highly convincing victory . Mention must also go to everyone who ran at the wind-swept race yesterday - good work . Sorry if I 've blantantly missed any other animalistic performances . . . . ... See you around &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME College , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . New Mobile Number : &NUM &NUM &NAME Address : &NAME &NAME , Moor Lane , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Mobile : &NUM &NUM &NAME &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM " You can take a man out of &NAME but you can never take the &NAME out of a man " . You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: BONFIRE NIGHT Re Tuesday 5th November . Dear All , The fireworks start at 7.30pm on Midsummer &NAME . For anyone who 's interested ( up to certain numerical limit ) , the plan is to stroll over to my place after for some food ( at about &NUM - 9pm ) . I 'm at &NUM &NAME &NAME 's &NAME ( NOT &NAME &NAME 's Street ) which is off Park &NAME by &NAME &NAME . * * * If you fancy coming along then let me know &NAME so I get an idea of numbers * * * - there 's enough room for about &NUM - &NUM maybe a couple more if we really breathe in or if not everyone comes at once . There will be various autumnal dishes including pumpkin soup , jacket potatos , roasted veg + salads etc. Please let me know if your a veggie or not - so we know how much meaty chilli / veggi alternative to provide to go on the spuds . I will work out the cost when I 've done all the shoppng then email all those coming to pay me back in cash on the day . Should n't be more than a few quid . &NAME : bring your own wine / beer / soft drink etc. In case you need to get in touch other than by email , my phone no 's are : &NUM ( though this might be changing soon ) or &NUM &NUM ( mobile ) . See y' all , &NAME You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: Bonfire night Hi everyone ! Just as a little extra to &NAME 's email - we will be meeting in the Maypole at &NUM : &NUM before the fireworks so we can have a drink and all trundle down to Midsummer common together . Feel free to come along even if you ca n't make the food afterwards . &NAME &CHAR You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME MATCH DETAILS- &NAME vest ! Further to &NAME 's e-mail , it 'd be good if everyone running for &NAME were wearing a &NAME vest . Those of you who do n't have this stunning piece of kit can either borrow or buy ( £ &NUM ) one from the club . Could any freshers ( or others ) who need a vest let me know , giving their approximate size . I 'll probably bring them along on Saturday rather than dragging them all to a training session . &NAME . On Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: &NAME pub crawl &NAME , now everyone is on the list - here are the details for the pub crawl on Thursday , &NAME : - Thursday 31st October 8: &NUM : &NUM &NAME 8: &NUM : &NUM &NAME 9: &NUM : &NUM Bun Shop 9: &NUM : &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME 10: &NUM ... &NAME You must wear at least &NUM halloween themed item or suffer the consequences ( i.e. a drinking fine ) The above times are a rough guide for anyone planning to meet us later on , but I also recommend you ring one of us just to check where we all are . Any questions , just get in touch &NAME to see lots of you there ! Also , does anyone else want to come on the &NAME swap at &NAME with the uni footie lads next week ? ( &NAME only please ! ! ) &NAME &CHAR &NUM You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . Hey guys , &NAME and I were wondering if anyone was planning to drive to the &NAME &NAME half marathon as we need a lift . My idea of cycling there and back did n't appeal to him . &NAME You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Just a quick reminder that beginners / novice training will take place again at 7.30am at Wilberforce Road athletics track . Hopefully , in a couple of weeks I can move this to a less antisocial time . If you did n't make it last week , do n't worry come along anyway . Those of you who did come last week , I hope to see you again on Friday . Get a steady run in today if you can . take care , &NAME " When you choose the lesser of &NUM evils , always remember it is still an evil " . &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME State NMR ( &NAME Group ) Room &NUM , &NAME &NAME &NAME Road &NAME &NUM &NUM ( lab ) You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Forgot to make it clear that it is FRIDAY at 7.30am . &NAME " When you choose the lesser of &NUM evils , always remember it is still an evil " . &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME State NMR ( Duer Group ) Room &NUM , &NAME &NAME &NAME Road &NAME &NUM &NUM ( lab ) You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: Women - Be Careful This one is for the ladies . This is not meant to scare you but I urge you all to be especially careful where you run alone . You may have all heard in the news about the serial rapist who has just recently struck in &NAME ( his 10th attack I think ) . Unfortunately , that is uncomfortably close to &NAME . It appears he tends to attack in daylight , approaching from behind and often in wooded areas , often public footpaths close to wooded areas . He does n't seem to be put off by risk , as a number of his attacks have been close to residential areas in broad daylight . In light of this , please try and run accompanied at all times , preferably come along club sessions . If you have to run alone ( I do all the time ) , try to avoid areas where you could be vunerable . DO NOT WEAR PERSONAL STEREOS . The risk of being attacked or raped out training is very small but do n't tempt fate . Take care , &NAME " When you choose the lesser of &NUM evils , always remember it is still an evil " . &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME State NMR ( Duer Group ) Room &NUM , &NAME &NAME &NAME Road &NAME &NUM &NUM ( lab ) You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: &NAME tomorrow Just a note to all about tomorrow . &NAME went to &NAME Down yesterday . The ground is good to firm but will take a &NAME , although unless there is an downpour over night it wont be too wet / muddy to make spikes essential . Trainers will therefore suffice , and ( not being biased at all ) a fell shoe would be ideal ! ! ! Cheers &NAME Good work to you all that , once again , are unable to sleep and turned up at 7.30am this morning . &NUM of you were there , and a few new faces too so that is excellent . The session was a little harder than last week and I also cut the rest between reps down as well , so excellent stuff . Please try and get a couple of runs in between now and next Friday . Just to remind you that the long run on Sunday at 9.30am ( &NAME ) does have cutbacks . &NAME at Monday for circuits at &NAME and / or run at 6pm . The other steady session is at 5pm from &NAME too . Also there is the cross country match against &NAME on Saturday ( details on &WEBSITE Sunday , so go along and give it a go . You may even be selected for the Freshers Athletics Varsity match in a couple of weeks time ( check out the athletics website for the date ) . See you soon , take care , &NAME " When you choose the lesser of &NUM evils , always remember it is still an evil " . &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME State NMR ( Duer Group ) Room &NUM , &NAME &NAME &NAME Road &NAME &NUM &NUM ( lab ) You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Good work to you all that , once again , are unable to sleep and turned up at 7.30am this morning . &NUM of you were there , and a few new faces too so that is excellent . The session was a little harder than last week and I also cut the rest between reps down as well , so excellent stuff . Please try and get a couple of runs in between now and next Friday . Just to remind you that the long run on Sunday at 9.30am ( &NAME ) does have cutbacks . &NAME at Monday for circuits at &NAME and / or run at 6pm . The other steady session is at 5pm from &NAME too . Also there is the cross country match against &NAME on Saturday ( details on &WEBSITE Sunday , so go along and give it a go . You may even be selected for the Freshers Athletics Varsity match in a couple of weeks time ( check out the athletics website for the date ) . See you soon , take care , &NAME " When you choose the lesser of &NUM evils , always remember it is still an evil " . &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME State NMR ( Duer Group ) Room &NUM , &NAME &NAME &NAME Road &NAME &NUM &NUM ( lab ) You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: girton formal hall ( Fwd ) Hi everyone ! Below are details of a planned hall at &NAME on Thursday 14th November . Let me know if you want to go ! &NAME x hi &NAME I 've now got permission for a formal at girton &SMILEY Here 's all the details you should need ; Thursday 14th November £ &NUM ( a bit more expensive but usually worth it ! ) Meet in the bar about &NUM as we usually have to start getting into hall about 7ish you can bring your own bottle of wine or buy it from the bar , usually only &NUM bottle allowed . Directions for town ; if your cycling ? ? ! go out of town along &NAME Road , that 's over &NAME bridge and up castle hill past &NAME and fitz and keep going . Past a beefeater pub called the traveller rest ( on your left ) and &NAME garage ( on the right ) then a bit further and cross the road at the cycle crossing and the main entrance is on your right . It should take about &NUM mins . or just get taxi ! The p' lodge is the left door at the main entrance I 'll try and be around there or just ask the porters or anyone else and they 'll point you in the direction of the bar . I need to know definite numbers and dietary requirements etc by 6pm on friday 8th . Anyone who want to come from girton could also let me know I can get their ticket cheaper . hope this is everything probably &CHAR &CHAR tonite luv &NAME You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Well done to everyone who ran in &NAME yesterday . Congratulations to individual winners &NAME &NAME and &NAME &NAME , and college champions &NAME and &NAME . Fast times all round show we 're in excellent shape for the varsity races , more details soon from your captains . Full results are attached , any mistakes , typos , please reply to me . Thanks to all who came to help , especially the walking wounded . Bring on &NAME , &NAME . You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: &NAME PHOTOS Photos from this afternoon are now on line at &WEBSITE ( only use this if you 're on the university network ) and &WEBSITE I have yet to look at them myself , so apologies for any personal embarrassment . Also , do n't expect to see them in the wee small hours , coz I turn my computer off at night . Well run today everybody &NAME You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: A matter of pride and honour As a former &NAME captain I thought I would get the ball rolling with some words of encouragement for everyone involed with the events of this coming weekend . As everybody on this list will either be running on Saturday or coming to support the club in our quest to defeat the auld enemy , consider this directed at you . Of all the hype that surrounds the build up to the Varsity Matches , there is &NUM message that you need to understand : EVERY SINGLE RUNNER WILL COUNT TO OUR OVERALL VICTORY I am sure that anyone who has ran a few cross-country races has at times , found themselves running around a race , wondering why they are doing it and knowing that if they lose or gain a place or &NUM nobody else will really care or even notice . 2-5ths is very different to this . Every place that every runner gains will not only matter , but it wil be crucial . Even if you are the 8th man / 6th lady in the team , if you can get ahead of the last &NAME scorer , that will make an equal effect to the final team result as the person who manages to move up from 2nd to win the race . The &NUM unique aspect of the race is that you are not running for yourself , you are running for every other member of your team . Furthermore , you are running for the pride and honour of &NAME University &NAME and Hounds , as every single place will be added up at the end of the day to decide who wins the Varsity Challenge Trophy . You can do no more training . All our preparation is complete . All you can do is give everything you have on Saturday . We have all ran the &NAME course and this will give us an advantage . However , when I stood at the finish of cuppers , I did not see a single person collapse as they crossed the line exhausted . There was no vomit or blood spilt through the effort of the race . If we are to be successful on Saturday , this will have to change . Everybody will have to run the race of their life . &NAME will come here arrogant and confident after they won the Challange Trophy last year . They will want to win again . We must want to win even more . The key factor will be team spirit . You must want to run faster not for yourself , but to ensure you do not let your team mates down . Make sure you attend pre-varsity strides on Thursday and make it to you team socials in the evening and then let the &NAME ROAR carry you round The Race . That way , celebrating victory on Saturday evening will be even sweeter . Finally , this weekend will be a great sporting occasion . What makes it great is the camaraderie and competitiveness of those who take part . For many , participation in and the winning of a Varsity Match is the pinnacle of thier sporting achievement . &NAME or lose though , it will certainly be a day you never forget , so make sure you take time to enjoy it . May The Force Be With You &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM &NUM You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: Re : A matter of pride and honour And do n't forget guys , when you 're giving your best out on the course you 're not just doing it for yourself but for every other guy who 's busting a gut at the same time . Now that means something . &NAME &NAME Wed , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &CHAR &NAME wrote : As a former &NAME captain I thought I would get the ball rolling with some words of encouragement for everyone involed with the events of this coming weekend . As everybody on this list will either be running on Saturday or coming to support the club in our quest to defeat the auld enemy , consider this directed at you . Of all the hype that surrounds the build up to the Varsity Matches , there is &NUM message that you need to understand : EVERY SINGLE RUNNER WILL COUNT TO OUR OVERALL VICTORY I am sure that anyone who has ran a few cross-country races has at times , found themselves running around a race , wondering why they are doing it and knowing that if they lose or gain a place or &NUM nobody else will really care or even notice . 2-5ths is very different to this . Every place that every runner gains will not only matter , but it wil be crucial . Even if you are the 8th man / 6th lady in the team , if you can get ahead of the last &NAME scorer , that will make an equal effect to the final team result as the person who manages to move up from 2nd to win the race . The &NUM unique aspect of the race is that you are not running for yourself , you are running for every other member of your team . Furthermore , you are running for the pride and honour of &NAME University &NAME and Hounds , as every single place will be added up at the end of the day to decide who wins the Varsity Challenge Trophy . You can do no more training . All our preparation is complete . All you can do is give everything you have on Saturday . We have all ran the &NAME course and this will give us an advantage . However , when I stood at the finish of cuppers , I did not see a single person collapse as they crossed the line exhausted . There was no vomit or blood spilt through the effort of the race . If we are to be successful on Saturday , this will have to change . Everybody will have to run the race of their life . &NAME will come here arrogant and confident after they won the Challange Trophy last year . They will want to win again . We must want to win even more . The key factor will be team spirit . You must want to run faster not for yourself , but to ensure you do not let your team mates down . Make sure you attend pre-varsity strides on Thursday and make it to you team socials in the evening and then let the &NAME ROAR carry you round The Race . That way , celebrating victory on Saturday evening will be even sweeter . Finally , this weekend will be a great sporting occasion . What makes it great is the camaraderie and competitiveness of those who take part . For many , participation in and the winning of a Varsity Match is the pinnacle of thier sporting achievement . &NAME or lose though , it will certainly be a day you never forget , so make sure you take time to enjoy it . May The Force Be With You &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM &NUM You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: &NAME : A matter of pride and honour Yet again &NUM cannot be running on Saturday because of injury , but I will nevertheless be at &NAME all day , not just because those running value support , but because the Varsity match is a simply unique experience . I still cite my last Varsity match of &NUM years ago as being the best race of my life , but the thing I remember most about it is not my own position , but the fact that our team placed &NUM , &NUM , &NUM , &NUM , &NUM and &NUM in the race . What made that race special was not just that I ran harder than I 'd ever run before , but that every other member of the team did too , and it was because of that that we won . That year &NAME won all &NUM men 's races , and I want to see you do it again this year . Believe me , there would be few things that feel worse than crossing the line on Saturday , as &NAME cheer , victorious , knowing that you could have run better . Cross-country races can often feel like you 're running for nobody but yourself , but &NAME is different . You have been selected to run for a TEAM , and victory , when it comes , will be as much for that team as for you individually . Try and go to your team social , think about how the race will feel , know how you are going to run it , and then go out there and do it . I wish I was able to run it with you . Make sure that you earn your place , &NAME THERE IS ONLY &NUM RACE THERE IS ONLY &NUM ENEMY THERE IS ONLY &NUM VICTOR As a former &NAME captain I thought I would get the ball rolling with some words of encouragement for everyone involed with the events of this coming weekend . As everybody on this list will either be running on Saturday or coming to support the club in our quest to defeat the auld enemy , consider this directed at you . Of all the hype that surrounds the build up to the Varsity Matches , there is &NUM message that you need to understand : EVERY SINGLE RUNNER WILL COUNT TO OUR OVERALL VICTORY I am sure that anyone who has ran a few cross-country races has at times , found themselves running around a race , wondering why they are doing it and knowing that if they lose or gain a place or &NUM nobody else will really care or even notice . 2-5ths is very different to this . Every place that every runner gains will not only matter , but it wil be crucial . Even if you are the 8th man / 6th lady in the team , if you can get ahead of the last &NAME scorer , that will make an equal effect to the final team result as the person who manages to move up from 2nd to win the race . The &NUM unique aspect of the race is that you are not running for yourself , you are running for every other member of your team . Furthermore , you are running for the pride and honour of &NAME University &NAME and Hounds , as every single place will be added up at the end of the day to decide who wins the Varsity Challenge Trophy . You can do no more training . All our preparation is complete . All you can do is give everything you have on Saturday . We have all ran the &NAME course and this will give us an advantage . However , when I stood at the finish of cuppers , I did not see a single person collapse as they crossed the line exhausted . There was no vomit or blood spilt through the effort of the race . If we are to be successful on Saturday , this will have to change . Everybody will have to run the race of their life . &NAME will come here arrogant and confident after they won the Challange Trophy last year . They will want to win again . We must want to win even more . The key factor will be team spirit . You must want to run faster not for yourself , but to ensure you do not let your team mates down . Make sure you attend pre-varsity strides on Thursday and make it to you team socials in the evening and then let the &NAME ROAR carry you round The Race . That way , celebrating victory on Saturday evening will be even sweeter . Finally , this weekend will be a great sporting occasion . What makes it great is the camaraderie and competitiveness of those who take part . For many , participation in and the winning of a Varsity Match is the pinnacle of thier sporting achievement . &NAME or lose though , it will certainly be a day you never forget , so make sure you take time to enjoy it . May The Force Be With You &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM &NUM You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: photos from today Photos from 2nds-5ths are online at : &WEBSITE / E-mail me back if you would like higher quality copies . I ca n't say much for the quality - everybody was running so fast that many pictures are quite blurred . Those pictures containing an &NAME runner ( of which there are fewer , I confess my obvious bias ) are marked with an &CHAR in the name . Well run today , both sides . &NAME fought valiantly , and in some races it was a very close thing , but congratulations obviously go to &NAME . Now let 's see if the tables are turned on &NAME &NAME ! &NAME You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME I have put some pictures from Saturday onto my web site at &WEBSITE / They are not good - the light was terrible . The originals , which are about &NUM mbytes each can be significantly improved by Photoshop or Paintshop etc. If you want a copy at a higher resolution of any of them please let me have the number of the picture ( put the cursor on the thumbnail ) and let me know the maximum size of e-mail that you can receive . &NAME &NAME You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: &NAME Road League Race - This Sunday 9th Feb The penultimate college league race of the year is this Sunday 9th Feb at &NAME Road . The leagues are very close , with the men 's and women 's top spots still open to challengers and relegation looming for the unlucky colleges . It 's a short race taking in some good running paths close to town and not even a cycle ride to the course , so lets see lots of teams on the start line . &NAME : &WEBSITE . &NUM 10pm Men 's Race , 8km . No registration , names taken at finish . The start is just off &NAME road , 100m down the track that runs along the side of the university &NAME ground closest to &NAME . &NAME shoes would be ideal , trainers are okay , but spikes not recommended as some sections on tarmac . As always , volunteers for timekeeping and marshalling would be very welcome . See you there . &NAME . You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: BUSA results and pictures Hi animals , &NAME stuff this Saturday ! Have n't heard anything from the party , yet . ... For all results : &WEBSITE . Spotted so far : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and " &NAME " . Congratulations to &NAME 'D' beating &NAME 'D' by &NUM points . &NAME You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: Well run at BUSA ! ! Welcome home folks , fantastic work today ( and some results for those who stayed in &NAME ; word of mouth only though , so apologies if they 're wrong ) . Superb running from the ladies again , with bronze medals to bring home , and a great result from the men in 5th ( both &CHAR and &CHAR ) . &NAME led home the men in 8th , with &NAME breathing down his neck in 12th . Captain &NAME also in top &NUM . &NAME first &NAME lady with top &NUM place . &NAME . Every bit as good as we think we are . Grrrr. [ &NAME : the writer of this message bears no responsibility for today 's successes , as he was moping , lame , at home ] You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: Long Run Hello , This email is aimed at the &NAME partygoers , and of course " Sicknote " &NAME and " Pedaling over &NAME " &NAME ( sorry guys ) . Who 's up for a nice long run tomorrow , then ? Based on the " kill or cure " approach to post-race training , such a jaunt would allow us to take advantage of all that freshly thawed mud just waiting to be pasted up some lean fella 's legs . See you all Sunday at &NUM : &NUM at &NAME 's for the perfect end to a hardcore weekend . &NAME . You are on the &NAME mailing list either because you are a member , you have expressed an interest at some time or by a complete fluke . If you would like to be removed from the list please email &EMAIL and not the whole list . Remember when posting to the list that 180-odd people will be reading so please keep it relevant . SUBJECT: Athletics &NAME - 27th April Hi &NAME Back home in &NAME , I 'm the team manager of our Under &NUM league team . On Sunday 27th April I have to travel back there for a match . As your not from this country and &NUM will know , if you like you can come with me and compete for my club in the match . I think you 'd find it just the right level of competition . I imagine the 400m will be won in &NUM . ? , the 800m in under &NUM mins and the &NUM in &NUM : &NUM ? . ? Anyway , let me know , I know it would bring a lot to the team . I 've also asked &NAME and &NAME &CHAR &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME this coming Sunday Hi &NAME I 'm going to try and get on the track for around &NUM or &NUM clock ? &NAME best for you ? &NAME Hey &NAME , Are you training tomorrow ? I 'll do an easy track session of some sort I think . If not , when and where should we meet on Saturday ? see you . &NAME . On &NAME &NUM &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME I 'm just checking that you 're still ok to run the &NUM and &NUM next Sunday ( 27th ) We 'd have to leave sometime Saturday and you can stay at my house . It will cost a train fare , its possible I might be able to get most of it re-imbursed from the club though . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : LANG-2 practical : Named Entities for extension &NUM &WEBSITE has been fixed , for those doing the named entity extension . Cheers , eh SUBJECT: Lang2 Practical Update There is a new version of the &NAME code available in the usual directory . It addresses &NUM issues that were brought up , and although these are not bug fixes they may help in your development . Note : You do not need to use these new files , they are simply enhancements . The new files will also work with your existing code with no change in behavior . Issue &NUM : A new method has been added called eof ( ) that allows you to test whether all sentences have been read from the file . You may use the &NAME returned from this method in place of the return value from &NAME ( ) as your loop test variable . This allows you to continue processing the file even if you get a buffer overrun ( &NAME ( ) returns false ) . If you determine that there are only a handful of very large sentences that you do n't want to accommodate with a huge buffer , you can &NAME them using this method . Note you still need the return value from &NAME ( ) to determine whether to process the &NAME or not from that sentence ( a return value of false indicates an error reading the sentence and the &NAME is not valid ) . &WEBSITE for an example of how to implement this . Issue &NUM : Some buffer overruns are due to line length overflows . These have not come up in the regular &NAME but may show up in the named entities because they are stored as &NUM sentence per line . Long sentences may overrun the maximum line length used to read the sentences . In this case , the error message would not display helpful information . I have now remedied this by moving the previous hardcoded maximum line length into a # define in the header file . Also the error message will indicate this value needs to be increased . SUBJECT: Lang2 Practical Named Entities The named entity files have all been regenerated as a result of some bugs that were discovered . Specifically , several anomalies were appearing in the &NAME file format that were not being handled . This caused some sentences to fail the named entity recognition and be omitted . This has now been addressed . Cheers , eh SUBJECT: University Hardship Funds Dear &NAME This is just a reminder that the closing date for the first round ( &NUM / &NUM ) of the University Hardship Fund Applications is 1st December &NUM ( fully completed forms signed by tutor and arrived at &NAME &NAME office by this date ) . Only &NAME home students are eligible to apply . You can collect an application form from myself of &NAME &NAME ( &NAME &NAME 's Secretary ) . You also need your Tutor to add comments . You need to give details of income and expenditure etc. The applications are means tested , but have the capability of being fairly generous ( up to £ &NUM last year ) . If you are successful in the first round , you can apply again in March &NUM . If you are unsuccessful of do not apply in December , you should only apply in March if you circumstances change in the meantime . Last year there was a final " emergency " round in June . Do ask if you want further info . &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Free Graduate Tutors " Office &NAME College , &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM &NUM email : &EMAIL This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: University Hardship Applications 18th November &NUM To : All &NAME ( &NAME ) graduate students From : &NAME Free This is the final reminder to anyone who wishes to apply to the University Hardship ( formerly &NAME ) Fund for financial support . The closing date is 1st December . ( by this date forms should be completed and countersigned by you Tutor and then posted - by Tutorial office - to &NAME University offices . ) . The funds are applied on a means-tested basis and take into account your income and outgoings . They have the capability of being quite generous ( between &NUM and &NUM pounds ) . Next round will be 1st March . &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Free Graduate Tutors " Office &NAME College , &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM &NUM email : &EMAIL This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: Keeping Term Dear &NAME This Friday is the last day of " Full Term " . If you have been residing in &NAME ( nights and days ) without a break since 8th October then you will now be able to confirm that you have " kept term " . This is a requirement of your degree course . It is also a requirement that you let me know that you have indeed kept term . Please reply to this message to confirm the fact . ( please do make sure that your name appears in the email ! ! ) If you have not been in &NAME for the whole period of Full Term ( &NUM Oct to &NUM &NAME ) then you can make up the missing days by using the Residence Period . This extends either side from 1st October to 19th December . ( you cannot go earlier or later than those dates ) In total you are required to be residing in &NAME for &NUM weeks between the dates of 1st October and 19th December . Sorry about the length of this message - it is of course the first time for many of you , so I hope it is all clear . If you have any questions , do ask me please . Of course , those of you who have already completed the required &NUM terms for their PhD and are overrunning , are not required to " ' keep term " . Equally , anyone who has permission to work away on fieldwork does not have to . Best wishes for a happy break over the Christmas period . &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Free Graduate Tutors " Office &NAME College , &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM &NUM email : &EMAIL &NAME &NAME Free Graduate Tutors " Office &NAME College , &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM &NUM email : &EMAIL This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME Awards To : &NAME ( not &NAME ) graduate students at &NAME 5th Feb &NUM This is just to remind you about the &NUM &NAME ( &NAME Research Scholarship ) competition . Details have now been sent out to all Departments and if you are eligible to apply , you need to discuss it with your supervisor , or administrator at your Department . The &NAME award pays the difference between &NAME tuition fees and &NAME tuition fees . Please note that it is the Departments who nominate you . You do not apply individually . Please do not ask me for any more info on &NAME . This message is just to alert you to the procedure . Deadline for Department to make applications is 17th April &NUM Are you Eligible ? - You should be a first or second year PhD student in the academic year &NUM / &NUM . If you are currently an &NAME student , but applying to continue to &NAME next year then you are eligible . You should not already have an &NAME award ( renewal is via a different route ) . These awards are for next academic year . Best wishes &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Free Graduate Tutors " Office &NAME College , &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM &NUM email : &EMAIL This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: Tutorial for Speech Processing I ( pattern processing ) I have been asked to organise a tutorial session on Speech Processing I ( pattern processing ) . There are &NUM possible dates ( both Tuesday at &NUM : &NUM ) . My prefered date is 26th November ( the aternative is &NUM week later ) . Please let me know - &NUM ) If you are interested in a tutorial on the 26th . &NUM ) If interested areas / particular questions that you are having difficulty with . Assuming that there is some interest I will have a tutorial class at &NUM : &NUM Tuesday 26th . If only a couple of people are interested I will arrange to meet them before one of my lectures instead . &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Club I have received the following choices from people for the speech reading club . If I have missed you off the list , or not shown the correct preference please let me know &NAME . You should also let me know of any changes of preference . Where a topic preference has been expressed it is in [ ] , &NAME student . No preference : &NAME &NAME &NAME Disc / Adapt / &NAME : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Speaker &NAME : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME ( GS ) &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Acoustic Modelling : &NAME &NAME [ &NAME ] &NAME &NAME [ DR ] &NAME &NAME [ &NAME / &NAME ] ( GS ) Language Modelling : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Club I have produced an initial ( draft ) assignment of people to theme / topic . If you want to express another preference let me know . &WEBSITE I would like to meet &NUM minutes before the start of next weeks lecture , so Monday 2nd December at &NUM : &NUM , to quickly run through some general aspect of the &NAME &NAME Club . If you have any questions about the reading club that are not on the &NAME &NAME &NAME web-page &WEBSITE let me know . &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME at the Engineering Department It has proved to be significantly more difficult to get a &NAME number set-up for this than I imagined . The simplest solution is : Register with the computer officers to obtain a &NAME number - fill in a form and then allow an overnight period of time before it is issued . ( I think ! ) A job number that should work for this is &NUM Any problems ( or anyone get the system to work ) please let me know . &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME at the Engineering Department Just to clarify - this is the computer officers at the engineering department . It has proved to be significantly more difficult to get a &NAME number set-up for this than I imagined . The simplest solution is : Register with the computer officers to obtain a &NAME number - fill in a form and then allow an overnight period of time before it is issued . ( I think ! ) A job number that should work for this is &NUM Any problems ( or anyone get the system to work ) please let me know . &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME The &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME starts on this Monday afternoon . The set-up for the practical is that there will initially be &NUM demonstators on the Monday afternoon and one on the Tuesday afternoon . This practical is concerned with phoneme-based continuous speech recognition using &NAME &NAME Models ( &NAME ) . The aim is to train a set of speaker independent models on a subset of the TI&ORG Acoustic-Phonetic speech database and then measure the performance on a second different subset . The software required to train the models is provided but the recogniser is to be written by you in C++ . The handout for the Speech &NAME is available from &WEBSITE ( This will be shifted to the main &NAME site shortly ) . Any problems let me know . &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Club Theme dates for &NAME &NAME Club are given below . For details of the theme / topic assignment see &WEBSITE Preliminary meeting : These are to allow you to sort out any technical questions , or presentation issues , with the theme organiser ( &CHAR ) . &NAME &NAME &NUM : &NUM : &NUM Monday &NAME 3rd Acoustic Modelling : &NUM : &NUM : &NUM Tuesday &NAME 4th Speaker &NAME : &NUM : &NUM : &NUM Monday &NAME 10th Language Modelling : &NUM : &NUM : &NUM Tuesday &NAME 11th Presentations : See &NAME Club page for details . All presentations start at &NUM : &NUM . Acoustic Modelling : Monday 17th &NAME &NAME &NAME : Monday 24th Feb Language Modelling : Monday 3rd March Speaker &NAME : Monday 10th March If you have any problems with these times please let me know as soon as possible . &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: Error in &NAME There is an error in the version of &NAME that you currently have . Could you copy the version from my home directory at &WEBSITE( the only difference is line &NUM should read vit.setInsertPen ( &NUM ) ; The HTKBook is in my home-space at &WEBSITErather than in the docs area . &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME An html version of this should be available by running netscape &WEBSITEI will arrange for a version to also be placed in the file indicated in the handout . Sorry , &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME in the Engineering Department I have been told that the &NUM number that I was given does not " work " . Please use &NUM instead . &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: Speech Processing &NUM lectures The speech processing &NUM lecture notes are available at &WEBSITE ( Note access from the &NAME machines . If you have an &NAME address that you need access from let me know . ) I will try to keep these upto date , so they reflect any problems that people mention . If you know of any errors in the notes let me know . &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Club - presentation reminder The first Speech &NAME Club presentation will take place on Monday at &NUM : &NUM . The presentation will be on acoustic modelling . All people taking the &NAME &NAME Club are required to attend all the presentations ( it is important that you let me know if you have to miss one of the presentations ) . If you are not doing the &NAME &NAME Club you are welcome to attend any of the presentations . The dates for all the presentations are ( all presentations start at &NUM : &NUM ) Acoustic Modelling : Monday 17th &NAME &NAME &NAME : Monday 24th Feb Language Modelling : Monday 3rd March Speaker &NAME : Monday 10th March &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Club - presentation reminder The third Speech &NAME Club presentation will take place on Monday at &NUM : &NUM . The presentation will be on language modelling . All people taking the &NAME &NAME Club are required to attend all the presentations ( it is important that you let me know if you have to miss one of the presentations ) . If you are not doing the &NAME &NAME Club you are welcome to attend any of the presentations . The dates for all the remaining presentations are ( all presentations start at &NUM : &NUM ) Language Modelling : Monday 3rd March Speaker &NAME : Monday 10th March &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Club - presentation reminder The final Speech &NAME Club presentation will take place on Monday at &NUM : &NUM . The presentation will be on language modelling . All people taking the &NAME &NAME Club are required to attend all the presentations ( it is important that you let me know if you have to miss one of the presentations ) . If you are not doing the &NAME &NAME Club you are welcome to attend any of the presentations . This final presentation is Speaker &NAME : Monday 10th March &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Club - presentation reminder Of course the topic is speaker adaptation not language modelling ! ! The final Speech &NAME Club presentation will take place on Monday at &NUM : &NUM . The presentation will be on language modelling . All people taking the &NAME &NAME Club are required to attend all the presentations ( it is important that you let me know if you have to miss one of the presentations ) . If you are not doing the &NAME &NAME Club you are welcome to attend any of the presentations . This final presentation is Speaker &NAME : Monday 10th March &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: SPeech Processing &NUM tutorial As I mentioned in the lecture there is the oppurtunity to have a tutorial on my part of the Speech Processing &NUM module . The idea of having one yesterday was unpopular , so . ... Please email me whether you want to have a supervision and when you are available in the week starting 24th March and 31st March . I will try to sort out a time that is convenient with most people . I will mail the date of the tutorial out around March 24th ( if there is enough interest ) . If you have specific questions feel free to email me them ( note I will not be replying to emails next week ) . &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Group &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME University Engineering Dept. &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME , &NAME &NAME . Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: Speech Processing &NUM tutorial SUBJECT: Welcome Party May I remind you about the &NAME Welcome Party this evening at &NAME College in the &NAME Library from &NUM p.m. until &NUM p.m. . Please accept my apologies but I will be unable to make the event . Thanks , &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Staff Student Consultative Committee - call for nominations Staff Student Consultative Committee Each year the &ORG calls upon representatives from each class group of the student body to form the Staff Student Consultative Committee , or SSCOM . The Committee is a valuable forum for voicing concerns and discussing issues in the Computer Science Tripos , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME &NAME or &NAME programme that directly affect you or your colleagues . Many issues have been discussed by past Committees : we recommend that you read the past minutes on &WEBSITE / The SSCOM meets twice a term and the first meeting this year has been scheduled for Thursday &NUM November at &NUM p.m. . Lunch will be arranged . If you would like to nominate yourself as a student representative for your class group please email &NAME at &EMAIL ( and cc to me at &EMAIL ) using the appropriate topic in the subject line . Class Group Subject in Email Part &NAME &NUM : &NAME Part &NAME ( &NUM ) - Nominee Part &NAME &NAME : &NAME Part &NAME ( &CHAR ) - Nominee Part &NAME &NUM : &NAME Part &NAME ( &NUM ) - Nominee Part &NAME : &NAME Part &NAME - &NAME Part &NUM : &NAME Part &NUM - Nominee09 Part &NUM ( General ) : &NAME Part &NUM ( &CHAR ) - &NAME Diploma in &NAME : &NAME &NAME - &NAME &NAME ; &NAME &NAME &NAME - Nominee09 Research Students : &NAME Research - &NAME The closing date for nominations is Thursday &NUM October at &NUM : &NUM . We will let you all know the list of nominees on Friday &NUM November and the election will take place on Monday &NUM November until &NUM : &NUM . &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: &NAME - &NAME feedback forms I have placed a pile of &NAME lectures feedback forms on the far south-western desk in the &NAME Lab . We would appreciate it if you could complete the forms and return to me via the Student Administration Office by the end of term . Many thanks , &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Diploma , &NAME and Research Students - &NAME &NAME &NAME Dear &NAME , &NAME and Research Students , The Diploma , &NAME and &NAME students were given exemption from attendance at the Safety Course held at the beginning of term . Some first year Research Students arrived too late for the Course . If you fall into any of these categories please arrange to collect the special Safety Pack from &NAME &NAME in &NAME Administration in &NAME from 09: &NUM tomorrow onwards . The Safety Officers will be trying to arrange &NAME safety courses later in the year that may be particularly useful to Research Students . Thanks , &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Application Forms The &NAME have kindly arranged that their application forms and information is available online at &WEBSITE . Thank you , &NAME &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Invitation - Industry Day Dear &NAME &NAME , You are cordially invited to attend the annual Industry &NAME events on the 17th January &NUM from &NUM : &NUM in the &NAME lecture room and Seminar Room &NUM ( FW11 - first floor ) . There will be a series of Industry talks , a buffet lunch and talks on current research in both the &ORG and Department of Engineering , and lots of opportunity to talk with members of the Industry Supporters " Club . The day is scheduled &NUM days after your examinations , so you should be feeling relaxed , and we expect a good turnout . Please RSVP to &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) . &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Last Year 's papers I have copies of last year 's exam papers and solution notes available in the Student Admin Office , &NAME &NAME . The Office will be closed until 14: &NUM for lunch . Spares will be in the Reception Office if you want them on Monday ( &NAME &NAME closed all day ) , and older papers will be available , for reference and photocopying only , in the Library from Tuesday . Thanks , &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Masters in &NAME - Examinations - Slight change of venue Dear &NAME , The Masters in &NAME Examinations will be held in &NAME Theatre &NUM ( Large ) and not &NAME Theatre &NUM as previously advised . Apparently everyone prefers the Large Theatre over the &NAME , including the invigilators ! Thanks , &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Industry Day Dear Masters &NAME , In preparation for the Industry Day on Friday 17th January and meeting various members of the Industry Club , could you provide me with a brief ( very brief ! ) &NAME to provide to the Club members ? I am looking for Name : Date of &NAME : Institution of 1st degree : Further degree / &CHAR : Work experience ( last &NUM positions ) : Any outside interests ? . ... Could I have this by noon Thursday 16th please , and I do apologise for the short notice . Many thanks , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Open Source Award &NUM May I draw to your attention the following &NAME : &WEBSITE / . Thanks , &NAME &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME The &NUM &NAME &NAME Competition09 The &NAME is calling for teams to enter the annual &NAME &NAME Competition . Each team should consist of a Manager and up to &NUM programmers . The deadline for entries is &NUM January &NUM and the regional heats will take place on Saturday &NUM March &NUM . The final will be on Saturday &NUM March &NUM . Please see &WEBSITE contact &NAME &NAME at &EMAIL for further details . &NAME &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Examinations - &NUM January Dear Masters &NAME , May I remind you that there will be examinations on January &NUM . Please remember to bring a note of your Examination number with you to the exams . &NUM Time and &NAME of Examination These will be held on Wednesday 15th January &NUM in Lecture Room &NUM ( &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Building ) . There will be &NUM one-hour papers : Speech &NUM &NUM - &NUM &NAME and the Web &NUM - &NUM Language &NUM &NUM - &NUM Candidates will be allowed into the room &NUM minutes prior to the start of the examination and &NUM minutes reading time will be given . In accordance with &NAME procedures for " anonymous marking " you will be issued later with a card giving your personal examination number , to be written on all your answer papers . &NUM Calculators Only officially marked Casio fx-100D or fx-115 ( any version ) or Casio fx-570 ( any version ) calculators are allowed . Any other calculators are forbidden . This is a University regulation and is not changeable by the Department . The official calculator , fx-115-W is available from the Student Administration office at a cost of £ &NUM . If you have a suitable but unmarked calculator , you can have it marked at &NAME Administration at no cost . &NUM The Written Examination Papers There is &NUM examination paper for each of the &NAME Term modules : Language &NUM , Computing and the Web , and Speech &NUM . Each examination is &NUM hour in duration . The examination papers consist of &NUM sections that correspond to the &NUM parts of the module . There are &NUM questions in each section . Candidates are required to answer &NUM question from Section &CHAR and one from Section &NAME The questions on the paper will correspond to topics taught in the relevant module , but may also assume knowledge of background material taught in the courses : Foundations of Linguistics and Speech Signal Processing . Thanks , &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Drinking water Chilled water dispenser I am very pleased to be able to tell you that a drinking water supply has been installed at the south end of the Street in the &NAME &NAME Building . The machine supplies filtered mains water at &NUM temperatures , ambient ( green switch ) and chilled ( blue switch ) . If you notice that the cup dispenser is empty then please inform Reception or Stores . Professor &NAME has agreed that you may take cups of water into the lecture rooms , as well as the bottles already permitted , but has asked me to reiterate that apart from water , no other drinks and no food are allowed in there . &NAME Administration SUBJECT: Exam results Dear &NAME Student , You will be able to collect your examinations feedback letter from &NAME &NAME ( down in the Student Admin Room ) from &NUM : &NUM Monday 27th January . Any uncollected letters will be posted to your College . Thanks , &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Considering doing a PhD ? Are you thinking about staying on to do a Ph.D in either the &ORG or the Department of Engineering ? It is essential if you have any leanings towards a Ph. &CHAR , or even if you just want to discuss the possibility , that you contact the relevant department approaching an individual staff member but also by making a formal application . You will need to apply to continue as a graduate student ( see &WEBSITE for details ) and use the appropriate form available from the &ORG . The Course organisers wish to point out that quite apart from your own enthusiasm and merits , there are may other relevant constraints on being accepted , notably whether there is an appropriate supervisor with spare capacity available and space , and , of course , &NAME support . The Engineering Department and &ORG receive many applications which may pre-empt supervisors , space and grants , and you should therefore make an early application , although a potential supervisor will probably not make a decision until he / she has a clear idea of your achievement on the course . The detailed administrative position about accepting you for doctoral work is also complicated by the fact that many decisions on the award of &NAME , &NAME and other grants will have been taken before you have done your project work and completed your dissertation . You cannot , therefore , rely on your dissertation as evidence of your capacity for research : you have to carry conviction to your potential doctoral supervisor before that , and of course , the examinations and coursework assessment will be taken into account . Please do not operate on the basis of inference , presumption , or &NAME gossip about the status of departments or supervisors . At least raise the matter properly with a qualified member of staff , and make a formal application using the form from the &ORG , as this will ensure that your application is seriously made and seriously treated . If you would like a copy of the current Graduate Studies &NAME and the &ORG 's " Blue Book " please see &NAME &NAME in &NAME Administration , ( FC06 ) . &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Practical Class in the Intel Laboratory There will be a formal practical class for Part &NAME students in the Intel Lab this afternoon ( Thursday 30th January ) , tomorrow ( Friday 31st ) and next Thursday ( &NAME 6th ) . It is likely that all the machines will be needed between about &NUM : &NUM and &NUM : &NUM , so please be prepared to leave if asked . We do apologise for the inconvenience and the short notice . Many thanks , &NAME &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: &NAME Club - change of venue &NAME &NUM As the Building Services will be hanging sound-dampening curtains in &NAME on Friday 28th &NAME , the &NAME Group that would normally run from &NUM : &NUM until &NUM : &NUM will meet in &NAME ( &NAME &NAME &NAME - off &NAME &NAME ) . All other &NAME Groups will be in &NAME as normal . We apologise for the inconvenience . Thank you , &NAME SUBJECT: Painting in &NAME Rooms - Wednesday 19th Feb Building Services have arranged for painting work to be done in the &NAME &NAME Room and Lab on Wednesday 19th &NAME . As this is likely to be a dusty and rather smelly job would you please avoid using the rooms - you should be able to use the Intel Laboratory if you do n't have access from your College machines . Thank you , and sorry for the inconvenience . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME Students , May I remind you to email me your project selections by tomorrow , Friday 14th - I have received only &NUM project selections so far . Thanks , &NAME SUBJECT: Examinations notification Dear &NAME , I have learnt that one of you , and perhaps all of you , have received incorrect information about the exams at the beginning of next term . The examinations are &NUM hours each , not &NUM hour . If the information you have received differs from the schedule below please let me know whether the information has come from your College office or the Board of Exams . The schedule is as follows : The &NAME &NAME module examinations will take place on 22nd and 23rd April &NUM in the &NAME Theatre &NUM of the &ORG . There will be &NUM 1.5-hour papers : Tuesday 22nd April &NUM &NUM Speech Processing &NUM &NUM &NUM &NAME &NAME Wednesday 23rd April &NUM &NUM Language Processing &NUM &NUM &NUM - &NUM Dialogue Systems The full-time students will take all &NUM papers . The &NUM Year &NUM part-time candidates from &NUM will take Language &NUM and Dialog Systems . The &NUM Year &NUM part-time students will take Speech &NUM and &NAME Applications . Many thanks , &NAME &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? Students_-_all3A_The_CU_Entrepreneurs_£ 31K_Business_Plan ? ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? _Competition ? &NAME University Entrepreneurs ( &WEBSITE to your attention the annual £ 31K Business Plan Competition . There are up to &NUM cash prizes of £ &NUM each to give away ... and there are no strings ! Do you have a business idea ? However small / big / crazy , we want to give you some money for having come up with it . You never know where this could lead . Just write it up in &NUM words or less and submit . Submissions are due by &NAME , &NUM March on the 3rd floor of &NUM &NAME &NAME ( next door to the &NAME ) . * * * NEW FOR THIS YEAR , you can also submit the business plan electronically * * * Winners of the £ 31K ( and £ 350K ) competitions will be announced at the annual Prizegiving Event , to be held this year on &NUM May at the &NAME &NAME , &NAME Road . CU Entrepreneurs have distributed over £ &NUM , &NUM in prize money over the last &NUM years and we 'd like to break all previous records in &NUM . Full details of the competition can be found on the website &WEBSITE . Please e-mail the £ 31K lead , &NAME &NAME , on &EMAIL to join the £ 31K e-mailing list and to receive your entry form , disclaimer and competition recommendations . Go on , it 's easy ! Give it a go and ... make it happen ! Best of luck ! CU Entrepreneurs Committee ( Please note : Should you have any concern , only judges have access to the business plan submitted , who are bound by non-disclosure agreements . ) SUBJECT: &NAME project assignments Dear Masters &NAME , Please find below the list of project assignments . Could those students who have not yet supplied a title to " Own Project " please do so by &NUM : &NUM Tuesday 25th &NAME . May I also remind you that we require a work plan to be submitted , including any special resources required and agreed by your supervisor , to be submitted by the end of term ( March 14th ) . Please drop them off with Reception or Student Administration labelled " for the attention of &NAME &NAME " . Many thanks , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME domain-specific and non-domain-specific anaphora resolution techniques &NAME &NAME Apte , &NAME &NAME text using linguistic features &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME Detecting Sentiment Shift for Improved Automatic Sentiment &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME A Web &NAME and Dynamic Text Filter for &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME and predicative &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME conversion in a concatenative unit-based &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME ( &NAME ) / &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Fractal dimensions in &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME Own &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Classification using Linguistic &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME Own Project &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME Own project &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME as a frontend for speech recognition &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME Improving the &NAME System ( Named Entity Recognition and Classification ) &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Text Using Linguistic &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME Statistical Language Modelling using a Hidden Vector State Model &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME Temporal Linear &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Using hybrid static / dynamic grammars to minimise redundancy in Name and Address recognition . &NAME &NAME ( &NAME &NAME ) / &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME Techniques for aiding aphasic comprehension &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: Change of exams venue The examinations last term were held in &NAME Theatre &NUM and not Theatre &NUM . Please accept my apologies and amend the examinations notices to &NAME " These will be held on Wednesday 22nd and 23rd April &NUM in Lecture Room &NUM ( &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Building ) . " May I also remind you that the project work-plans ( &NUM copies , &NUM to your supervisor and one to me ) are due by Friday 14th March . Your &NAME Club essays are due on Tuesday 22nd April - please submit them to me ( via &NAME &NAME in Student Admin Office if I am not available ) after your Tuesday examinations . Many thanks , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Examinations Notice MASTERS COMPUTER SPEECH , TEXT AND INTERNET TECHNOLOGY Written &NAME &NAME &NUM &NUM Time and &NAME of Examination These will be held on Wednesday 22nd and 23rd April &NUM in Lecture Room &NUM ( &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Building ) . There will be &NUM &NUM minute papers : Tuesday April 22nd Speech Processing &NUM &NUM : &NUM - &NUM : &NUM &NAME &NAME &NUM : &NUM - &NUM : &NUM Wednesday April 23rd Language Processing &NUM &NUM : &NUM - &NUM : &NUM Dialogue Systems &NUM : &NUM - &NUM : &NUM Candidates will be allowed into the room &NUM minutes prior to the start of the examination and &NUM minutes reading time will be given . In accordance with &NAME procedures for " anonymous marking " you will be issued later with a card giving your personal examination number , to be written on all your answer papers . &NUM Calculators Only officially marked Casio fx-100D or fx-115 ( any version ) or Casio fx-570 ( any version ) calculators are allowed . Any other calculators are forbidden . This is a University regulation and is not changeable by the Department . The official calculator , fx-115-W is available from the Student Administration office at a cost of £ &NUM . If you have a suitable but unmarked calculator , you can have it marked at &NAME Administration at no cost . &NUM The Written Examination Papers There is &NUM examination paper for each of the &NAME Term modules : Language Processing &NUM , Dialogue Systems , &NAME &NAME , and Speech Processing &NUM . Each examination is &NUM minutes in duration . Candidates are required to answer &NUM questions . The questions on the paper will correspond to topics taught in the relevant module , but may also assume knowledge of background material taught in the courses : Foundations of Linguistics and Speech Signal Processing . &NUM &NAME Students will be given an indication of their performance in the module examinations by letter . &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME / MStudies in &NAME Speech , Text & &NAME Technology March &NUM SUBJECT: Re : Handing in your workplans and practical work &NAME , you are quite correct - the practicals are due in Friday next week BUT if you want to submit them tomorrow when I am away you need to do so via &NAME . Sorry to cause panic ! &NAME Hi &NAME , Exactly what about the practical is due tomorrow ? We ( most cstit students I know ) were under the impression that practicals were due next week . Your e-mail generated some panic in the lab : ) zeynep On &NAME , &NUM Mar &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME &NAME &NAME , Please submit your workplan and practical work to &NAME &NAME ( in the Student Administration Office ) by tomorrow , Friday March &NUM . Though I will not be around on Friday , I will be reading email over the weekend . Thanks , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Laboratory Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME 0FD &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: Handing in your workplans and practical work Dear &NAME &NAME &NAME , Please submit your workplan and practical work to &NAME &NAME ( in the Student Administration Office ) by tomorrow , Friday March &NUM . Though I will not be around on Friday , I will be reading email over the weekend . Thanks , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Laboratory Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME 0FD &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Deadlines I would like your work in by &NUM : &NUM , please . You can drop it off in Reception if I 'm not about , and ask that it is put in my pigeonhole . ( This is relevant to all Masters students . ) Thanks , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NAME I have now put all &NAME Students on the Intel &NAME Lab 's printer credit lists and given you each £ &NUM credit - &NUM pages . If you need any more please phone me on &NUM ( today and Monday ) and I 'll pop down to the Student Admin office . Thanks , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Laboratory Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME 0FD &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME feedback forms Dear &NAME student , The feedback forms for the &NAME Term courses are now available online at &WEBSITE . Please complete and return to me by the beginning of next term - say , 25th April . Many thanks , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Laboratory Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME 0FD &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM Email : &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME , &NAME &NAME Conference in Language Research &NAME THE UNIVERSITY OF &NAME FIRST POSTGRADUATE CONFERENCE IN LANGUAGE RESEARCH in association with the &NAME Institute of Language Research Saturday &NUM April &NUM , &NUM am - &NUM pm Law &NAME Building , &NAME &NAME , &NAME Road , &NAME We are pleased to announce that the titles of presentations to be included in the programme for this year 's &NAME conference will appear shortly at &WEBSITE parallel sessions of oral presentations and a poster session showcasing the work of postgraduate students engaged in research in a wide variety of language-related topics from &NAME , around the &NAME and beyond . The conference will also feature a keynote address by Professor &NAME &NAME of University College &NAME entitled " Modularity and Modality in second language learning : The case of a polyglot savant " . Further details about &NAME can be found at &WEBSITE / . &NAME We hope that as many students as possible will be able to attend this exciting event . The registration fee for participants in &NAME is £ &NUM , which includes lunch , tea , coffee , snacks and wine . If you would like to attend the conference , please print out and complete the registration form below ( also available at &WEBSITE return it to the address below , together with a £ &NUM cheque made out to The University of &NAME . Registration for &NAME closes on Friday &NUM April &NUM . Student Helpers The &NAME committee is seeking expressions of interest from students who would be willing to help out on the day of the conference . We need people to help with serving and washing up for tea and coffee breaks , lunch and the wine reception . We also need people to assist with the technical side of the conference - assisting with the operation of equipment for powerpoint presentations , etc. Serving / Washing Up Helpers will be required to give approximately &NUM hours assistance each . Technical Helpers will be required to provide trouble shooting for &NUM sessions ( &NUM &CHAR &NUM talks ) each . Students who work as &NAME helpers will receive a £ &NUM discount off their registration fee . If you are interested in being a &NAME &NAME , please email &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) by &NUM March , indicating the type of help you are offering . Please only volunteer to be a technical helper if you are experienced in resolving powerpoint problems and similar . &NAME positions will be allocated on a first come , first served basis . Volunteers will be informed as to whether their help will be needed prior to the due date for registration . Session Chairs The &NAME committee would also welcome expressions of interest from students who would be willing to chair a session . This would involve welcoming and introducing the speakers for a given session , making sure each speaker keeps to time , and guiding the question time after each talk . If you are interested in helping out with this , please email &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) by &NUM March , indicating any preference for subject area . We look forward to seeing you at &NAME ! &NAME &NAME On behalf of the &NAME Committee &NAME REGISTRATION FORM I would like to attend &NAME on Saturday &NUM April &NUM . Please find enclosed a cheque for £ &NUM made out to The University of &NAME . Name : Contact Email : Contact Phone Number : Surface Mail Address : University Department : Has your paper or poster been accepted for presentation ? Yes [ ] No [ ] As lunch is included , please let us know if you have any special dietary requirements . Please return to : &NAME Treasurer c/- Department of &NAME University of &NAME &NAME Avenue CB3 9DA SUBJECT: Re : ask for a dinner on Sunday evening Dear &NAME First , I should say sorry that I mis-spell your name . Sorry for that . Next time , it would not heppen ! I have handed in my &NUM reports . You know , yesterday , I spent the whole night to write my reports , for somehow problems with a part of data . Therefore , I had to cover these kind of things in my reports , you know this kind of thing should not be revealed in them . &SMILEY Anyway , everything is ok . Hopefully , teachers can not find some tricks in my reports . By the way , most of us did those kind of things in our reports . &SMILEY And please ask &NAME to confirm a restaurant , for , you know , he has lots of social programs . Therefore , he must know which restaurant is best ! &NAME , see you guys soon . &NAME SUBJECT: ask for a dinner on Sunday evening Dear &NAME , &NAME and &NAME How are you these days ? I hope this message finds all of you are very well . How is &NAME 's exam ? Is that ok ? I write this letter want to confirm if you guys have time on the Sunday evening ? I think perhaps at &NAME , for it should after the service of &NAME which will begin at 5pm . If all of you are available , I hope we can meet each other at somewhere and have a meal . In addition , I should say to Wayn that the book we bought last week is really a little difficult for me to read and understand , although one of the authors is physicist and deals with the things I am interested in. But I have been trying my best to read the book and will discuss with you on Sunday afternoon . &SMILEY I am looking forward to hearing from you guys . And send my best regards to all of you . Your family member &NAME SUBJECT: meet at my room Dear &NAME Yes , if you guys are agreeable , we could meet at my room at 7pm . I wish we could take a photo together . Also , we could have a cup of tea or coffee . Of course , I have some white wine for you . &SMILEY See you soon . Regards to &NAME , &NAME as well . &NAME SUBJECT: additional message Or all of you can come here at anytime , for I will stay in my room to waiting for you from 6pm . By the way , ask &NAME speed the process of wearing his Tuxedo . &SMILEY Otherwise , you will be late . &NAME SUBJECT: LANG-2 practical : Named Entities for extension &NUM The files needed for working with the named entities ( NE ) are now available in qa03 / xmlrmrs directory . The README.HTML file has been updated to explain what the NEs are and how to access them in your code . In brief , the named entities are kept in a corresponding &NAME file , which is a plain text version of each answer sentence ( &NUM per line ) with tags marking the NEs . The &NAME class has been enhanced to support these files inserting the NE sentence as one more node in the &NAME . Note that you will need to increase the buffer size ( specified in the constructor ) to accommodate the NE sentence . Suggested size is &NUM . &WEBSITE and I will be adding the rest in the next few days . If you have any problems please let me know sooner rather than later . &NAME SUBJECT: L2 Practical - NE updates I have made a small enhancement to the date NE recognition , to correct a deficiency brought to my attention . I have updated the NE files for the following questions : &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM Cheers , eh SUBJECT: Re : &NAME event detail Hey everybody , I wo n't be able to make the meal tomorrow night for a good reason : it is ( was ? ) my birthday on Sunday , and myself and &NUM friends whose birthdays are also nigh are having a party tomorrow night . It 's in &NAME grad bar , which is dead easy to get to , and you are very welcome to come along after the meal if you fancy it . ( The theme , which is not of my choosing , is " pimps and hos " , but given that I do n't intend to adhere to the dress code that implies , neither should you ) . Anyway , see you there if you come , otherwise , have a very good evening . &NAME &NAME &NAME &EMAIL On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Hi Everyone , Just a quick reminder of the time of the meal . We meet at the &NAME pub on &NAME Rd. at &NUM then make our way to &NAME House . Anyone who wants to go and has n't replied just come alone , I 'm sure we can make room for you . see you there &NAME &NAME &NAME House &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME ( &WEBSITE ) SUBJECT: Training Saturday Hi &NAME , What do you think of the idea of doing a session on grass on Saturday instead of on the track ? My legs are a bit sore and need a rest from the hard surface . If you 're interested , maybe we could do something on &NAME 's Piece ( still at &NUM am ) - perhaps &NUM &CHAR ( &NUM &CHAR &NUM at &NUM second intervals ) with &NUM minutes rest between ? &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Hi &NAME , Sorry to be slow in getting back to you about this afternoon . I 've been waiting to hear from &NAME about whether there will be any hurdles coaching . He has n't got back to me yet , but in any case , I will be out at the track at 4pm this afternoon , either hurdling ( if &NAME is there ) or doing a speed session ( &NUM &CHAR [ 4x150 ] ) . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Training Friday Hi guys , &NAME &NAME , have n't been checked my email for a few days either ! Hope you had a good session on Saturday - I did n't train as I was rowing that afternoon . Thought I 'd let both of you know my training plan this week in case you want to meet up . I 'm planning on doing a session Wednesday afternoon at 4pm . &NAME will be away , but he 's suggested something a bit longer - maybe 3x400 and 4x300 ( with &NUM mins in between ) , or maybe &NUM , &NAME , 3x300 ( same recovery ) . I think I 'll do some hurdles Thursday afternoon ( 4pm ) , weights Friday , a speed session on Saturday ( 4pm ) and then speed endurance on Sunday morning ( &NUM ) . Let me know if you 're want to join me for any of these . By the way , &NAME &NAME is having a &NAME tomorrow ( Tuesday ) evening for some of the team that are still around town ( eg &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) , and has asked me to spread the word . It 's at his family 's place ( he lives just out of &NAME ) . If you want to go , meet at the track at &NUM - there 'll be a couple of cars giving people lifts . &NAME On Mar &NUM &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Actually , I wo n't be out on Saturday until &NUM or so . Woke up late . Take care ! On Mar &NUM &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , I 'm planning on doing a speed / endurance session tomorrow afternoon if you want to join me . I 'll be out at the track from 4pm . I was thinking of doing something like &NUM &CHAR ( &NUM , &NUM ) with &NUM seconds between the &NUM and &NUM , and &NUM minutes recovery . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Fwd : Re : Training Saturday &NAME and I are planning on doing the &NUM [ &NUM , &NUM , &NUM ] session tomorrow ( Monday ) afternoon . I suggested &NAME , but since the clocks have been wound forward and we have an extra hour of daylight , I 'm wondering whether we should make it &NAME . What do you guys think ? On Mar &NUM &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Thanks for the message ! I wo n't likely be awake at that time but have a good run anyway . Maybe I 'll see you Sunday or Monday at the track ? Peace ! On Mar &NUM &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : In case you 're interested in joining us ( I understand it might be a bit early ) ... yep , sounds good to me . see you there at &NUM , say on the part of the grass closest to &NAME . I 'll bring my 1-inch x-c spikes ! &NAME . On &NUM Mar &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , What do you think of the idea of doing a session on grass on Saturday instead of on the track ? My legs are a bit sore and need a rest from the hard surface . If you 're interested , maybe we could do something on &NAME 's Piece ( still at &NUM am ) - perhaps &NUM &CHAR ( &NUM &CHAR &NUM at &NUM second intervals ) with &NUM minutes rest between ? &NAME SUBJECT: Fwd : Re : training I think I 'll head out to the track at &NUM rather than &NUM - I 'd like to do a hurdle session , and he 's got the keys ! Hey everyone . I have failed to speak to &NAME as I do n't know his number ! I have sent an email to himn tho , which he may or may not get . Either way , &NAME and I are planning to train at &NUM tommorow- I will be there warming up from &NUM iuf you wish to join me for that ! Do we know who else is still around ? anyway see you soon hopefully &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME social event details Hello Everyone , Since the interest in the class going for a meal and a drink has been good , I have made a provisional booking at &NAME House for Monday the 11th . As &NAME suggested , I also think we should meet in the &NAME pub which is also on &NAME Rd. at &NUM : &NUM . We can have an unhurried drink and then make a move toward the restaurant . Just reply to this email by Wednesday if you would like to come . Hope you all had a nice weekend , &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Christmas Meal Detail Hello all , I have some Christmas meal detail for you all . It 's all happening on Friday the 6th December the meeting point , I thought should be at the &NAME pub on &NAME Lane at around &NUM pm . Then we can take a short pre dinner walk alone the river , to the &NAME &NAME , sitting down to eat at &NUM pm . So far I have only heard back from the following people , so if your not on the list and would like to go just reply to this email . &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Wife of &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Hope you all had a nice weekend &NAME SUBJECT: CLICK - IT ( Exploring career options in business and information technology - course 22-24th March ) Is IT for you ? - Exploring career opportunities in business and information technology 22-24th March - &NAME CRAC in partnership with a number of industrial sponsors are running a three-day residential event for students which aims to explore the career opportunites in the business and information sector , as well as to provide an opportunity to develop and enhance their employability skills . Applications for this course will be accepted online and you can find out more about this event by visiting &WEBSITE ( frame ).htm Closing date for applications is 14th March &NUM . We also have many sources of information on careers in business and information technology in the Information Rooms at &NAME House - both take away and reference material . If you would like to research these careers further call in at the Careers &NAME and our Information Staff will help you find the resources you need . This message was sent by : &NAME &NAME Information Services Manager SUBJECT: Vacancies at &NAME &ORG at &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME Research Laboratory is looking to fill the following posts . A new group located in the heart of &NAME city centre , the &NAME &NAME focuses on developing and creating innovative algorithms for automatic speech recognition and text-to-speech synthesis with an emphasis on European languages . &NAME / Computational &ORG Position This post is for text processing and prosody modelling in a &NAME system . Candidates should have a good honours degree . Ideally , candidates will have a higher degree in a relevant subject and industrial experience . Required skills : - &NAME knowledge of shallow parsing and &NAME tagging - Knowledge of pause prediction , prosodic chunking , probabalistic models and decision trees preferred . - &NAME software skills &CHAR / C++ - Experience with low memory footprint coding desirable - Knowledge of English required and of at least &NUM other European language preferred Research Engineer Position This post is for building language dependent components of a speech recognition system e.g. acoustic models , lexicons , grammars . Candidates should have a good honours degree . Ideally , candidates will have a higher degree in a relevant subject and industrial experience . Required skills : - &NAME knowledge of &NAME - Experience with training acoustic models , creating pronunciation lexicons and tuning &NAME grammars and systems preferred . - Experience using &NAME desirable . - &NAME software skills &CHAR / C++ , &NAME , &NAME - Knowledge of English required and of at least &NUM other European language preferred The successful candidates will be practically-minded , innovative , and will be able to interact effectively within a group environment . An attractive salary and benefit package will be offered . Please send your &NAME with the names of &NUM referees by email to &EMAIL &NAME &NAME , Group Leader , Speech Technology Group , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME Research Lab , &NAME &NAME House , &NUM &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME T: &NUM &CHAR : &NUM &WEBSITE SUBJECT: CLICK - Presentation by &NAME Wed &NAME &NUM &NAME &NUM : 30pm ) Message from &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) &NAME Electric Company Ltd Presentation on Wednesday 5th &NAME &NUM commencing at &NUM , &NAME Lane Lecture Rooms , Room &NUM Many of you will have seen recent announcement in Future Jobs , the Vacation / Internships vacancy list and in the &NAME &NAME Diary about the above presentation . This is a reminder that &NAME &NAME &NAME , the Global &NAME Manager and a number of his colleagues will be talking about &NAME 's fast track development programme tomorrow evening ( see details above ) . The presentation is aimed at those with high potential . &NAME want to recruit individuals who have the capacity to develop into senior positions within the Group to both manage current operations and establish new businesses . There are opportunities for &NAME and &NAME graduates and &NAME are also offering &NUM , &NUM month fast track internships which may be best suited for those who are graduating this year . The internships will provide the opportunity for you to gain experience of the Group by working on a variety of projects in departments such as &NAME , Legal , Corporate Strategic Planning , Marketing and Operations . &NAME describe their programme as " full of adventure , challenge and people orientated " . Interns will have their flights ( economy ) and accommodation paid and will be given an allowance of approximately £ &NUM per month . &CHAR &NAME graduate has just successfully completed an internship with &NAME in &NAME . SUBJECT: ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? CLICK_-_Psychometric_Test_Practice_Monday_17_Feb_-_Earn_ ? ? iso-8859-1 ? Q?£ &NUM : 50_and_get_feedback_on_results ? I have just been contacted by &NAME ( they are a leading psychometric test provider ) who are looking for current students to act as " guinea pigs " for &NUM new graduate assessment tests they are developing . If you 'd like to participate , full details of what you need to do are below . &NAME Dear &NAME , &NAME Group plc are looking for approximately &NUM volunteers to complete some new paper-and-pencil ability tests that we have developed . &NAME is a company that , amongst other things , develops psychometric tests for use in selection and development purposes ( &WEBSITE tests , one measuring verbal reasoning ability and another measuring numerical reasoning ability . The tests will provide a useful opportunity for you to experience the sorts of tests that you are likely to encounter in selection situations , and we will be able to offer each participant an incentive of £ &NUM for taking part . You will also be able to receive confidential feedback regarding your test scores ; we will check the names and addresses of each participant at the end of the session and will post your test results ( and payment cheques ) to you within &NUM weeks of you completing the test . Your results will remain confidential and will be used for research purposes only . If you are interested , we have arranged to trial the tests in &NAME on Monday 17th &NAME at &NAME &NAME 's College . Each session should take less than &NUM hour ( the numerical test takes &NUM minutes to complete and the verbal test takes &NUM minutes ) . This will also allow time for you to complete a short feedback form to provide us with any comments you may have about the tests . We will be running several sessions throughout the afternoon in the &NAME Room , each lasting approximately &NUM hour . These sessions will be held at &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and 5pm . To book your place , please e-mail me at " &EMAIL " and specify your name , e-mail address , postal address , year of study and which session you intend to come to . I will respond to confirm your place , and will also e-mail a reminder a couple of days before . I will endeavour to guarantee you a place in you chosen session , but if demand exceeds availability , places will be allocated on a first come , first served basis . Thank you very much for your help with these trials . I hope that you find the experience useful . Regards , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME The Pavilion &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME Road &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NUM e-mail : &EMAIL &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NUM SUBJECT: CLICK - &NAME Work Abroad Programme - &NAME 14th Feb INTERNATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES The local &NAME committee of AIESEC , the International Student Society , has asked us to forward the following email to you . If you 'd like to know more , please contact them directly . &NAME offers placements of &NUM months in over &NUM countries around the world , in the fields of : &NAME : Marketing , Finance , Personnel , &NAME &NAME Technical : IT database management , web design , software development ; Engineering Development : Language teaching , charity work , environmental work So what 's special about &NAME 's Work Abroad Programme ? We offer you the chance to immerse yourself in another culture , whilst providing you with an extensive support network . You will become a member of another AIESEC community in the area you go to . You will have help finding accommodation , setting up a back account , getting visas , etc , you 'll be met from the airport , taken to your first day at work and offered the opportunity to go and visit local tourist attractions with local AIESEC students . The placements we offer all go through a rigorous selection procedure . They are designed to challenge you and make the most of your skills . You will have constant contact with members of AIESEC throughout your stay , who can deal with any problems that may arise . We also operate a measurement system that allows you to give feedback on your experience during and after the placement . We 're looking for people who are interested in a cultural experience while working for top firms across the world . We want people who are enthusiastic , open-minded and flexible . Takes your fancy ? Visit our website , &WEBSITE placements and go to our online application form . The website also has the committee 's contact details and links to our national AIESEC webpage . The application deadline is Friday 14th &NAME , and if you are successful you will be invited by email to an assessment centre on Sunday 16th &NAME . I look forward to seeing your applications ! &NAME &NAME &NAME Local Committee President &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME outage : Tuesday 29th Oct , &NUM Mains power in the &NAME &NAME building will have to be switched off on Tuesday 29th October to allow new supplies to be connected to the main distribution board for the second floor works . &NAME is scheduled to go off at &NUM and to be back by &NUM , with a contingency period to &NUM . The main computer room should remain running on battery power . The inconvenience is of course regretted . At &NUM stage it seemed that we were going to be faced with &NUM separate disruptions of this nature over the next few weeks , but strenuous efforts by &NAME and others have enabled the jobs to be combined . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME outage : partial reprieve Earlier in the week I announced a power outage for &NUM next Tuesday , 29th October ( with possible overrun to &NUM ) . After much discussion , it has now been decided that the work can be carried out safely with the majority of the power distribution board " live " . Only the circuits immediately adjacent to those being worked on will need to be switched off . The circuits to be switched off supply the telephone equipment ( which has battery backup ) and some of the air handling units . Thus there is likely to be some degradation in ventilation and environmental control , but all power and lighting circuits are now expected to remain on . There is a remote possibility that when the work starts it will be found necessary to switch off after all , so the time period advertised should still be regarded as vulnerable to possible disruption of supply . SUBJECT: &NAME administration I regret that &NAME &NAME is on sick leave this week so &NAME &NAME is managing student administration single-handed . This means that some things , e.g. the Diploma photo , the final arrangements for Part &NUM supervisions , will be delayed for a few days . We hope that normal service will be resumed next week , but in the meantime we appreciate your patience and co-operation . If anyone has a * serious * problem that needs resolving urgently then please contact &NAME in the first instance . She and I will do our best to deal with it . &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: IMPORTANT - Closure of the &NAME &NAME Building NOTICE OF CLOSURE OF THE &NAME GATES BUILDING The building is to be used for a major University event on the evening of Tuesday &NUM November &NUM . A security sweep will be done before the event and that means the building has to be vacated at &NUM prompt . There will be no access to * any * parts of the building from &NUM until after the event has ended , so please do not attempt to return before &NUM . I apologise for the inconvenience and hope that we can rely on your full cooperation . &NAME &NAME Departmental Secretary SUBJECT: correction to flu vaccine poster You may have seen posters around the University advertising free flu vaccination . Occupational Health have asked us to clarify this and to apologise for any misunderstandings : the free vaccination is for university employees only - not students . &NAME SUBJECT: reminder about floor cleaning Work is now underway on cleaning and sealing the granite floor in the Street . This means that there will be restricted access to the main doors , the student entrance and the front stairs over the weekend . Please be careful where you walk , and cooperate with the cleaners by avoiding the areas where they are working . They have a mammoth task to get the work done in &NUM weekend . Many thanks &NAME SUBJECT: Building closure reminder Please remember that the &NAME &NAME Building will be closed at &NUM today and everyone on the premises must leave by then . This applies to all parts of the building and its immediate surroundings , ie the cycle store . Please note that the cafe will close at &NUM today . I regret the inconvenience , but trust in your full co-operation . &NAME &NAME Departmental Secretary SUBJECT: Notice of an Election Notice of the election of &NUM Junior &NAME ( &NUM undergraduate and &NUM graduate ) to the Computer Science Syndicate . The procedure for the election shall be that prescribed in the Single &NAME Vote Regulations except that the duties of the &NAME under those regulations shall be performed by the returning officer ( &NAME &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ) . He has deputed the performance of the duties of the returning officer which do not involve the exercise of a discretion to me as Secretary of the Computer Science Syndicate . Nominations must be submitted to me IN WRITING and must be signed by the persons proposing and seconding the nomination and shall be accompanied by a statement , signed by the person nominated , that &CHAR / he consents to her / his nomination . The final date for receipt of nominations will be &NUM on Tuesday &NUM November &NUM . Nominations will be published by e-mail and the list displayed on the notice board outside the Student Administration Office in the &NAME &NAME Building . Voting will take place on Tuesday &NUM December &NUM at &NAME Administration reception in the &NAME &NAME Building between &NUM - &NUM and &NUM - &NUM . An electoral roll of all the persons who are eligible to vote and stand as candidates in the election is provided by the &NAME Schools and is displayed on the notice board outside the Student Administration Office . Please ask &NAME or me if you are in any doubt about your standing or that of a proposed candidate . The nomination of any candidate whose name , or the name of the proposer or seconder , is not included in the roll , or in the roll as amended by the Registrary , shall be declared to be invalid . This Notice will be displayed on the notice board outside the Student Admininstration Office . &NAME &NAME Secretary of the Computer Science Syndicate &NUM November &NUM SUBJECT: Re : Notice of an Election - what do Junior &NAME do ? I have been asked to explain about the Computer Science Syndicate and the role of the junior members . The Computer Science Syndicate is the &ORG 's equivalent of a Faculty Board . Broadly speaking , the Syndicate has the same powers as a Faculty Board , overseeing the running of the Department and administering its teaching . The membership consists of the Head of Department , the professors in the department , the Director of the &NAME Service , &NUM representatives of the General Board , &NUM person from Engineering and one from Maths , &NUM representatives elected by officers in the department and &NUM junior members elected by the student body . The Head of Teaching and the Secretary of the School of Technology attend as non-voting observers , the Departmental Secretary is co-opted annually and acts as Secretary to the committee , and the Deputy &NAME is co-opted unless he or she is a member in another category . The Chairman of the Computer Science Syndicate and the IT Syndicate ( the &NAME Service ) are historically the same ; the office is currently held by &NAME &NAME , the Head of Department at the &NAME Laboratory . &ORG receives the Minutes of the Staff Student Committee and the Teaching Committee , and itself reports to the General Board of the University . &ORG Minutes are sent to the Secretary General of the Faculties , the members and to Officers in the &ORG . Copies are filed in the Departmental Secretary 's office , currently Room &NAME , &NAME &NAME Building . The junior members , &NUM Tripos student and &NUM research student , attend the first part of each meeting during which unreserved business is discussed - that 's the bulk of the business and includes things like the &NAME 's annual report , accreditation matters , examiners " reports , teaching matters related to the Tripos and diploma courses , the use of calculators in exams , new proposals for courses , etc. Reserved business covers matters referring to named members of staff ( e.g. promotions and leave of absence ) , and such things as the appointment of Examiners and the Form and Conduct of examinations . The Chairman may ask for the junior members " views on any of the unreserved items , or they can address the meeting through the Chair if they have anything they want to volunteer . If a junior member has a particular concern that they think should be discussed by the Syndicate then they are welcome to talk it over with me first ; the matter can then either be included on a Syndicate agenda , or referred to another person or body . Syndicate meetings are fairly formal and reasonable dress is required ! The timetable for meetings is set a year in advanced and published in Reporter and the University Diary . There are usually &NUM dates in each academical year , but routinely &NUM or &NUM meetings will be cancelled because of lack of business . Meetings are held in the Syndicate Room ( FW11 ) in the &NAME &NAME Building at &NUM on Thursdays . There is nothing to stop someone being on both the Syndicate and the staff student cttee . The jobs do n't overlap much because the latter deals with ongoing day to day questions , suggestions and complaints - how lecture notes are distributed , such and such an exam question was too difficult - whereas the Syndicate is another step up . So if the SSCOMS raised a serious problem that needed higher level discussion , then the matter could be put to the Syndicate . &NAME that helps . &NAME &NAME Departmental Secretary and Secretary of the Computer Science Syndicate SUBJECT: Notice of an Election Notice of an Election of Student &NAME of Faculty Boards - Computer Science Syndicate The following nominations have been received : Undergraduate students : &NAME &NAME , Part &NAME , &NAME College &NAME &NAME , Part &NAME , &NAME College Graduate students : &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME " College The position of graduate representative being uncontested , &NAME &NAME is duely elected to serve on the Computer Science Syndicate for &NUM year from &NUM January &NUM . There will be an election for the undergraduate representative , the candidates being ( in alphabetical order ) : AKHUND , &NAME &NAME , &NAME Voting will take place on Tuesday &NUM December &NUM at &NAME Administration Reception between &NUM - &NUM and &NUM - &NUM . Ballot papers will be provided and the names of the voters checked against an electoral roll provided by the &NAME Schools . The electoral roll will be displayed on the noticeboard outside &NAME Administration . Regulations make provision for amendment of the electoral roll by the Registrary on my recommendation as Returning Officer , at any time before the time fixed for the start of voting . The results of the election will be published on Wednesday &NUM December &NUM by electronic mail and on the Student Administration noticeboard . &NAME &NAME Secretary , Computer Science Syndicate &NUM November &NUM SUBJECT: Grants / Funding Sorry to those who this does not concern . This email is to direct all of you who are expecting cheques to look in your college pigeon holes . Sorry for the delay in finding out , this is the first year we have had to deal with this and there has been a little confusion as to what the procedure is . Yours sincerely &NAME &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NUM &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: &NAME representatives for SSCOM Dear &NAME , On Monday , November &NUM , we will be holding the election for group representatives on the Staff Student Consultative Committee . You can vote between 9am - 2pm and can only vote once . Please find below the list of nominees for your group . To vote please send an email to &EMAIL with your choice of candidate in the subject line . Candidate Subject &NAME &NAME &NAME ( &NAME &NAME - &NAME ) &NAME &NAME ( &NAME &NAME - &NAME ) Yours sincerely &NAME &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NUM &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: The New Staff / Student Consultative Committee Representatives ( SSCOM ) The following students have been nominated as represenatives for the Staff - &NAME Consultative Committee ( SSCOM ) Research Student - &NAME &NAME &NAME &EMAIL &NAME &NAME - &NAME &NAME &NAME &EMAIL &NAME &NAME - &NAME &NAME &EMAIL &NAME Part &NUM - &NAME &NAME &EMAIL &NAME Part &NUM ( &CHAR ) - &NAME &NAME &EMAIL &NAME Part &NAME - &NAME &NAME &EMAIL &NAME Part &NAME &NUM - &NAME &NAME &EMAIL &NAME Part &NAME &NUM - &NAME &NAME &EMAIL &NAME Part &NAME ( &CHAR ) - &NAME &NAME &EMAIL &NAME Please get in touch with them if there are any issue you would like to be raised at the next SSCOM meeting on Thursday 7th November at 1pm-2pm . Yours sincerely &NAME &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NUM &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NAME : 9th November * * * Apologies if you have already received this message . This message is being forwarded onto to a temporary list of &NAME College &NAME members , as it appears that the official college e-mail distribution list is missing many email address . Apologies if you have received this in error . All the details of &NAME events are also available on the web site &WEBSITE * * * UPCOMING EVENTS : GRADUATE HALL : &NAME 12th &NAME - &NUM for &NUM p.m. * Last chance to book ! * The booking deadline for Tuesday 's formal hall is fast approaching ! If you 'd like to go , please book in the Porters " lodge before &NUM p.m. on Sunday . A reception will be held in the &NAME from &NUM p.m. , followed by dinner in hall at &NUM . ( &NAME , etc. required . ) &NAME AND &NAME CARDS TUESDAY 12th &NAME - &NUM : 30pm - &NUM : &NUM , &NUM - &NUM : &NUM I will be giving them out before and after the Formal &NAME this Tuesday in the &NAME . Because &NAME affiliates to the &NAME ( &NAME &NAME of Students ) , all its members can obtain &NAME &NAME , giving a wide range of discounts across the country and providing convenient proof of student status . I can provide you with a blank &NAME Card , for you to fill out your &WEBSITE photograph of yourself ( i.e passport photo sized ) . This will then be stamped with the College stamp to act as proof of identity . &NAME Discount Cards , will also be handed out along with your &NAME / &NAME Card , which entitle you to a range of student discounts in a number of high street shops . An example of the discounts your &NAME cards brings : &NUM discount in &NAME , TopShop and TopMan stores . If you ca n't make it on Tuesday , I 'll give them out at another session later in the term . CHEESE & WINE : &NAME 28th &NAME - &NUM p.m. Try a selection of matched cheeses and wines in the comfort of the &NAME ! To book , please e-mail Roman &NAME - mailto : &EMAIL - and put a cheque for £ &NUM in his Pigeon Hole . Please hurry , since the number of places is limited . &NAME &NAME External Sports Officer &NAME College &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NUM November Hello , I cannot do &NAME cards for people who leave me their details and photo in my pigeon hole - you have to sign the card before it is laminated , which of course you need to do in person . Also , I can only get the college stamp ( which validates the card ) for a limited amount of time . So please try to come to the session before / after &NAME Hall on Tuesday . There will be &NUM more session after this . Any problems e-mail me and I 'll see what I can do . &NAME &NAME Sports / External Officer Dear all , I will be issuing &NAME keys and collect order forms for the matriculation photos , tomorrow before and after the formal hall , &NUM and &NUM in the &NAME . &NAME &NAME &NAME Treasurer This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error , or wish to opt out of the list , please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME Just put them in my pigeonhole by Friday evening . Cheque payable to &NAME College &NAME . &NAME &NAME &NAME Treasurer &NAME Wed , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Hi , I 'd like to order a copy of the Graduates Photograph . How can I get my order form and check to you ? Cheers , &NAME &NAME . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NUM November This is a reminder of Thursday 's talk by Dr &NAME : &NUM p.m. in the &NAME Room , &NAME College . Do n't forget that the talk is followed by a FORMAL HALL . If you 'd like to come to this , please book in the Porters " Lodge before &NUM p.m. on Tuesday . There will also be a GRADUATE LECTURE ( and formal hall ) on Thursday 5th December . Details to follow soon . " PLAYING IN THE SAND : PROCESSING GRANULAR SOLIDS " A talk by Dr. &NAME &NAME Senior Lecturer in Chemical Engineering and Senior Tutor at &NAME College Thursday 28th November - &NUM p.m. The &NAME Room , &NAME College &NAME &NAME read Mathematics at &NAME , and then earned a PhD for his work on quarks in DAMPT with &NAME &NAME . He subsequently undertook postdoctoral research on theoretical high energy physics at the &NAME &NAME ( UK ) , University of &NAME ( &NAME ) and &NAME . He has been a chemical engineer for nearly &NUM years ; as well as granular materials , he has worked on heat transfer and fluid mechanics , and has a publication in the Journal of the Institute of Brewing . He has also been a Visiting Academic at &NAME University ( &NAME ) , for a year . Dr &NAME has been at &NAME since &NUM , during which time he has been Safety Officer , &NAME , &NAME &NAME and Senior Tutor . He is married ( to a teacher ) and has &NUM children ( an environmental hydrogeologist and barman ) . This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error , or wish to opt out of the list , please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NUM November Graduate Christmas Dinner - Monday 9th December . This event is FREE for all &NAME members ( £ &NUM for guests , limit of &NUM guest per person which can go on host graduates college account ) . &NUM 10pm - &NAME Reception in &NAME Room &NUM 30pm - Waiter-served Dinner in &NAME ( Menu will follow ) &NAME : &NAME Tie / Lounge suit - appropriate evening wear for ladies . Please reply to &NAME &NAME at &EMAIL confirming your invitation with indications of whether a vegetarian / special diet will be required . Replies must be made by 4pm on 4th of December at the very LATEST . Would be great to see you ALL there ! ! ! ! &NAME and &NAME &NAME Social Secretaries &NAME College &NAME AND &NAME CARDS THURSDAY 28th &NAME - &NUM : 00pm - &NUM : &NUM ( during the &NAME ) and &NUM : 00pm - &NUM : &NUM I will be giving them out before Dr &NAME 's lecture and after the Formal &NAME this Thursday in the &NAME . Because &NAME affiliates to the &NAME ( &NAME &NAME of Students ) , all its members can obtain &NAME &NAME , giving a wide range of discounts across the country and providing convenient proof of student status . I can provide you with a blank &NAME Card , for you to fill out your &WEBSITE photograph of yourself ( i.e passport photo sized ) . This will then be stamped with the College stamp to act as proof of identity . &NAME Discount Cards , will also be handed out along with your &NAME / &NAME Card , which entitle you to a range of student discounts in a number of high street shops . An example of the discounts your &NAME cards brings : &NUM discount in &NAME , TopShop and TopMan stores . This will be the last chance this term ! &NAME &NAME External Sports Officer &NAME College &NAME This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error , or wish to opt out of the list , please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NUM November GRADUATE LECTURE : &NAME 5th &NAME - &NUM p.m. Next Thursday , &NAME &NAME , graduate student at &NAME College will give a graduate lecture in the &NAME Room : " Like white light through a glass prism : Metaphor , Meaning and English Renaissance Poetry " All very welcome . There will be a formal hall afterwards . ( You 'll need to book for this before Tuesday lunchtime . ) NOTICE ABOUT FORMAL HALLS It has come to our attention that some graduate students have not come to formal halls , because they thought they could only come to one a year / term . This only applies to the special " High Table dinners " ( which are free ) Graduate students are always welcome to formal hall , particularly the fortnightly " &NAME Tables " for graduate students only . " &NAME Tables " are subsidised to make them relatively cheap - Pounds &NUM per head - and there are drinks before and after the meal . ( " &NAME Table " is an historical term dating back to the time when all first degrees where BA 's. &NAME 's, &NAME 's, etc. , are of course equally welcome . ) Do n't forget the * free * &NAME Christmas Dinner on Monday 9th December . To book , please e-mail &NAME &NAME - mailto : &EMAIL - as soon as possible . There will be a &NAME , dancing , and a late bar - hope you can come . This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error , or wish to opt out of the list , please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NUM December &NAME &NAME TABLE & GRADUATE LECTURE This is a final reminder about Thursday 's &NAME Table . If you want tickets , please book in the Porters " lodge as soon as possible and no later than &NUM p.m. on Tuesday . The lecture will be preceded at &NUM p.m. by a Graduate Lecture by &NAME &NAME : " Like white light through a glass prism : Metaphor , Meaning and English Renaissance Poetry " All welcome , whether or not you 're attending formal hall . &NAME &NAME DINNER - DEADLINE APPROACHING If you would like to attend the _free_ &NAME &NAME DINNER on Monday 9th December and have n't already booked a place , please e-mail &NAME &NAME as soon as possible - mailto : &EMAIL . There will be a &NAME and a late bar ! This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error , or wish to opt out of the list , please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME Christmas Announcements Christmas College , &NAME &NAME 3D3D3D Will you be staying in &NAME for some of the vacation ? If so , you might be interested in " Christmas College , &NAME " . No , not a new college discovered beyond &NAME , but the society organising a range of social events over the Christmas break , from Solstice Snowballs to indoor skiing . For more details , please see : Christmas College , &NAME &WEBSITE / Thanks for reading ! 09Friday 13th December 0909Christmas Party 090909Ramsay &NAME 09090909Magdalene College 09DJ from 9pm 09Bar " til 1am Come along to dance away the cold and enjoy Christmas festivities with your friends ! Entrance £ &NUM This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error , or wish to opt out of the list , please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: ( &NAME ) &NAME " Night FINAL REMINDER - BURNS " NIGHT FORMAL HALL Thursday 30th January , &NUM for &NUM p.m. This is a reminder that bookings for Thursday 's " &NAME " &NAME " formal hall will close at &NUM p.m. on Tuesday . Hope you can come , and please bring lots of friends . &NAME is &NAME 's national poet , and the dinner will feature traditional " &NAME " &NAME " including haggis , " neeps " and " tatties " and a dram of Scotch whisky . The dinner will be followed by a traditional &NAME , which you are very welcome to even if you 're not coming to the hall itself . This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error , or wish to opt out of the list , please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NAME Forthcoming Events from your &NAME : * * FIRST FORMAL HALL BACK AFTER THE NEW YEAR * * Thursday 23rd January - &NUM for &NUM p.m. Drinks will be served in the &NAME . We 'll move onto the Hall at &NUM for Dinner at &NUM p.m. This is the first one back after the break so please come along and bring guests ! Book as usual using the computer in the Porters " Lodge - remember that you need to do this before &NUM p.m. on Tuesday ! * * WELCOME BACK PARTY * * Saturday 25th January - &NUM " til late As a reward for all our hard academic work it is only fitting that we have a party to celebrate our collective genius . &SMILEY Hence , all welcome to the &NAME on the 25th at &NUM p.m. for our first &NAME party of &NUM . Refreshments will be provided - but feel free to bring along a bottle or &NUM ! Guests are very welcome ; however , please bring a bottle if you are bringing a guest ! * * BURNS " NIGHT DINNER & &NAME * * Thursday 30th January - &NUM for &NUM p.m. In celebration of this much-loved Scottish Bard all are welcomed to attend our ( slightly late ) &NAME " Night Dinner on the 30th . The usual reception in the &NAME will be followed by a special Formal Hall with traditional &NAME " Night fare . This will be followed by a &NAME ( Traditional Scottish Dance ) . This is led by a " caller " , so there is no need to worry if you are unfamiliar with Scottish Dancing as the steps will be gone through prior to each dance . This will be a great evening so bring along guests , and your dancing shoes ! Any of you who have been to a &NAME before will know how much fun it is , and if you are unfamiliar then do n't worry - this is a guaranteed good night with plenty of opportunity to laugh at yourself and others ! Tickets can be purchased in the usually way from the Porters lodge . The cost of Pounds &NUM includes a Dram of Whiskey to toast the night . As usual , tickets must be purchased from the machine in the Porters " lodge before &NUM p.m. on Tuesday 28th December . Please join us for as many of the above activities as you can - looking forward to seeing you ! ! &NAME and &NAME &NAME Social Secretaries &NAME &NAME This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error , or wish to opt out of the list , please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: Registration for &NAME &NAME &NAME : Online Software System * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * University of &NAME - CL &NAME for &NAME Software Center : This message has been generated automatically from your &NAME . Please do not reply to this message as you will not receive a response . Please click on the SUPPORT link in your &NAME &NAME Software System for support contact information on your campus . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Hello , Welcome ! You have been registered in your university / college &NAME for &NAME online software system . Here you can download and access a wide range of &NAME developer tools , servers , and platforms . There is no charge to download the software as long as you are an eligible user in the System . How Does it Work ? Your university / college is licensed under the &NAME Academic Alliance Program which enables eligible students and faculty members to access software available under the Program . e-academy Inc. , a partner of &NAME , is providing &NAME for &NAME to you . &NAME log into the System using your username and password included below and start browsing / ordering the software available to you . Your &NAME &NAME Software System can be found at : &WEBSITE Your username is : &EMAIL Your password is : &NUMTechnical Support If you have any technical difficulties while downloading the software , please go to the support section in the website and click on Request Customer Support . Technical support is provided by your &NAME Program Administrator at your school . General Information If you have general questions about the &NAME Program , who is eligible , general rules and regulations , etc. , please go to the support section in the website for contact information . Please keep this e-mail for future reference , as you will need your username and password in order access the online software system . Remember , by accessing the &NAME software through this system you are stating that you are authorized , and are agreeing to comply with all usage guidelines . Sincerely , &NAME for &NAME Staff e-academy Inc. SUBJECT: Re : Dinner for Graduate Students - Monday &NUM October &NUM Noted , thank you . &NAME At &NUM : &NUM AM &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NUM , you wrote : Dinner for Graduate Students - Monday &NUM October &NUM I SHALL be attending the dinner . NOT vegetarian . Name : &NAME &NAME Subject : &NAME &NAME , Text and &NAME Technology . With &NAME . &NAME &NAME . SUBJECT: Opportunity to study and travel in &NAME - &NUM / &NUM Opportunity for &NAME students to study and travel in &NAME &NUM / &NUM The College has received an invitation to send a number of students to &NAME University of Economics for the academic year &NUM / &NUM . &NAME is a private university situated in Fukuoka , on the island of &NAME , &NAME . This is a generous offer as &NAME will provide each student with return air fare , free accommodation , &NUM hours a day of Japanese language instruction , all meals and excursions within &NAME . Students will also have the opportunity to earn money through teaching English . Please see below for a brief summary of the scheme . This offer is open to undergraduate and graduate members of the College who are due to complete their course of study and graduate this summer ( ie summer &NUM ) . The offer does not extend to students who will not graduate this summer . If you are interested in this scheme there will be an opportunity to ask the &NAME and Dr &NAME questions on Thursday &NUM January at 7.00pm in the &NAME &NAME Room . You are encouraged to attend : this is a remarkably generous offer ! Students who are selected for places at &NAME University of Economics will be expected to stay there between September &NUM and July &NUM . Selection will be made by the Tutorial Committee . Any eligible person wishing to apply for a place should send a written application to the Senior Tutor to arrive no later than &NUM noon on Wednesday &NUM &NAME &NUM . Applications should include a full cv and a personal statement , in not more than &NUM words , giving the reason why you wish to travel to &NAME and what you hope to gain from the experience . A brief summary of the scheme : * Up to &NUM students a year ( &NUM from &NAME , &NUM from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME ) * Air fares paid by &NAME ( details of flights and visa requirements to follow ) . However , these have to be repaid in full by the student if the student leaves the scheme before Christmas , and &NUM repaid if the student leaves before &NAME . * Accommodation provided at no cost to students in individual rooms , each with en-suite bathrooms and small but well-equipped kitchens , in the new building . * Free use of computer facilities . Computers will be installed on the top floor of the building which will be reserved for foreign students , and includes a lounge area and Sky TV ( &NAME &NAME , Premier League Football etc ) . All other facilities in the new building ( such as table tennis , billiards , karaoke ) will be available for use and free of charge . * Students eat for free in cafeterias in either the dormitory or university . * Access without charge to all university sporting / library facilities e.g. tennis courts , swimming pool , gym and students may join any sporting clubs . * Tuition in Japanese language . This is envisaged as being either &NUM or &NUM hours a day , with that amount of time again being spent by students in preparation for the following day 's lessons . This conducted by qualified teachers of Japanese . Upon completion of the course the level of students " Japanese ability will be Level &NUM of the Japanese Proficiency &NAME , which is the level demanded by London-based recruitment agencies specialising in Japanese-speaking staff . * Lectures in various aspects of Japanese culture , history , politics etc. * There will be staff fluent in both Japanese and English on hand &NUM hours a day in the event of a problem , medical or otherwise for which a Japanese-speaking person is necessary . * Trips to various places of cultural and scenic interest are also planned , but details have not been discussed yet as to destinations . These will tie in with the content of the lectures mentioned above . * For none of the above will any students incur any cost whatsoever . * &NAME to run from September to July . There is no reason why any student who wishes to stay on a little longer or arrive earlier cannot do so . It is not offically part of the scheme but worth noting that evenings will be free and work teaching English privately is readily available and quite lucrative with &NUM pounds an hour being a rock-bottom rate , and &NUM to &NUM being more common . This is English conversation , so no knowledge of Japanese is necessary , or in fact any English teaching qualifications or experience . &NUM or &NUM hours of work a week nets &NUM to &NUM hunderd pounds a month , and most students work more hours than that . In these days of student loans this will be a boon to any impecunious student , especially as no tax is payable in &NAME for &NAME citizens for the first &NUM years of residence . This message was sent to the &NAME &NAME &NAME List . If you have received this message in error please send an e-mail to &EMAIL SUBJECT: &NUM sessh on Sunday Cheers for the training info . I 'm up for a &NUM session on Sunday . See you then , &NAME On &NAME , &NUM Mar &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : hi , just short & explosive stuff for the next few days - but feel free to join in whenever . Today , I 'm gonna do plyometrics ( all sorts of funny jumping ) at the track at &NUM Tomorrow , &NAME and I are doing &NUM sets of 8x100m with 30sec rest on the grass at &NAME &NAME , 10.00am . On Sunday , I think the deal is 400-session , &NUM at the track . see you soon . &NAME On &NAME , &NUM Mar &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Hi , Its &NAME . If you 're going out training , e-mail me &NAME I might be interested . Cheers , &NAME SUBJECT: Hi Hi , Its &NAME . If you 're going out training , e-mail me &NAME I might be interested . Cheers , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME &NAME but its my rest day today . I did a mega leg weights session yesterday and my legs feel really heavy . But keep posting me on sessions . If you 're interested , me and a friend are doing some speed and agility tomorrow around &NUM on &NAME fields . This will involve drills such as running around cones etc. See you around , &NAME On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : Hey &NAME , I 'm gonna do a plyometric session at the track at 5.30pm if you 're interested . &NAME . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Hey everyone . &NAME and &NAME would like to have the session at &NUM tommorow instead if that 's okay with any &NUM who is coming down ? see you then &NAME &NAME Sat , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME " &NAME " &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME Just letting you know I intend to do some speed work on grass at &NAME on monday , I 'm pretty flexible with times so I 'm open to suggestions if anyone wants to join me , otherwise I 'll be doing around lunch time Doing a Jump session with &NAME &CHAR 2.00pm on Tuesday also . &NAME &NAME / Hurdle session If we 're going to do a &NAME session this week I 'd quite like thursday ( I 'm quite flexible with times though ) , and I know &NAME would prefere lunch times . Does anyone have &NAME email address ? Later all &NAME &NAME , when Are you planning to train this week SUBJECT: Re Language &NAME Club Natural language processing techniques for text retrieval &NUM ) I have had to hand over primary responsibility for this to &NAME , but I have agreed to assist and am very willing to answer questions about the topic . I may also have copies of further material you are interested in seeing . &NUM ) the listed &NAME : the background paper is available electronically as indicated . &NAME &NUM book is in the &NAME library . I also have a copy . &NAME paper and &NAME paper I have just arranged that &NAME &NAME will hold a master of these so go to him if you want to make a copy ( they may or may not be electronically available from their authors - I havent searched ) . &NAME book is in the &NAME library , and I also have it . A possible further paper is &CHAR &CHAR &NAME et &NAME , Linguistic knowledge can improve information retrieval " &NAME &NAME / &NAME &NUM , &NUM - this indirectly raises the question of what the &NAME task is and hence how one is evaluating performance &NAME &CHAR &CHAR SUBJECT: Training tomorrow ( &NAME ) Hello , &NAME has a lot of work on and so we 've decided to move the 400m session to &NUM 30pm on Tuesday , so that work can be done before hand . &NAME mentioned that you may be planning to be there . Hope your all well , and training fast ! See you tomorrow , &NAME SUBJECT: Volunteers ( native English speakers ) needed for &NAME experiment I am posting this for a friend . - - &NAME Subject : Volunteers needed for &NAME experiment We are a group of researchers at the University of &NAME who are presently conducting an experimental study of language use . As part of this study , we 're looking for people who are willing to take part in an experiment conducted over the &NAME Wide Web . By taking part in this experiment , you will automatically be entered into our PRIZE draw . We will randomly choose &NUM participants who will each be sent a cheque for &NUM pounds . The &NAME is open to anyone willing to receive a &NAME cheque . To participate , you need to be a native speaker of English . The experimental procedure is simple ; you 'll see a small number of texts in which the order of the sentences is scrambled . Your task is to arrange the sentences so that they form a coherent text . The experiment will take approximately &NUM minutes to complete . To participate , you will need a web browser that supports Javascript . The experiment is called Sentence Ordering '' and can be found at the following web site : &WEBSITE / Thanks in advance for your help ! &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME / School of Informatics --- &NAME of &NAME &NUM &NAME Place , &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME -------- &NUM &EMAIL ------ &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: Meeting with your course advisor Hi &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME . I am your course supervisor , and I would like to meet with you before this term finishes , to see how you 're doing . Could you please let me know if you would prefer to meet on Wednesday , or after the labs in the afternoon ( ie at &NUM ) , or if you 'd prefer some other time . Thanks . - &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Meeting with your course advisor Hi &NAME , how about 2pm on Thursday &NUM ? &NAME SUBJECT: &CHAR and &CHAR practical Hi students , the description of the computing and the web practical will be on the C-W webpage coming Monday . &NAME SUBJECT: &CHAR and &CHAR practical -- a question and its answer Hi I got an email asking how the same &NAME file could be associated with both a &NAME and a &NAME &NAME schema at the same time ( without editing the &NAME file ) . The answer is that this is not technically possible -- for this practical you can comment things in and out of your files . Here 's the long answer : &NAME and &NAME &NAME are alternative schema languages , and in no real-world application would anybody have BOTH associated with the same file , as I asked you to do for this exercise . Thus , the &NAME specifications do not define an elegant syntax to connect an &NAME file to both . In the practical , you will have to comment the DOCTYPE declaration ( and for later answers , certain processing instructions ( &NAME ) in and out of the &NAME file during this exercise -- send the final &NAME file with all lines in it , but commented out , I will be able to figure out what you meant . As a reminder : &NAME validation needs a hard-wired DOCTYPE declaration in the &NAME document . Use &NAME to validate . RelaxNG validation works with the program jing -- give it the RelaxNG schema as a parameter , and comment the DOCTYPE declaration out . &NAME this clarifies things-- &NAME &NAME : &NUM small remark about what you said -- you said that if you omit the DOCTYPE declaration , your &NAME is VALID . This is not the case -- for validity you need a schema by definition ! What you probably meant is that the parser does not complain , but in the given case this only means the &NAME is WELL-FORMED -- the parser automatically switches to a well-formed parse only if it finds no DOCTYPE declaration . If there is a DOCTYPE declaration , the stakes are higher , and several things must now hold : the dtd must exist , must comply with &NAME syntax rules , and must correctly describe the structure of the &NAME instance . - ------ End of &NAME Message SUBJECT: &NAME exercise submissions Hi &NAME , according to my counts , I have so far received submissions from the following people : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME If you are not mentioned on this list , please remember to submit by tomorrow . Thanks . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME : Language &NAME Hi &NAME , I was wondering if you could please let me know where the top-docs and question files that we can use for testing our baseline system or could you please make these available ! thanks &NAME : ) &NAME , the parsed questions ( currently best version ) are in ques-out-jan29.rmrs &NUM parsed answer files are in rmrs / ans ( namely questions &NUM and &NUM ) . This data should be enough for your immediate testing needs -- please let me know if this is not the case . We are currently working on &CHAR ) parsing all top_docs and &CHAR ) the exact rmrs 's will also change in the final version . They will contain more information , but are already syntactically correct ( cf. the corresponding dtd ) . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME : Language &NAME I was just wondering if you could unzip the files so that we can test our programs using the documents in that folder . Unfortunately our disk quottas are so low we ca n't fit in an unzipped version of the files in our own directories and do n't have permission to unzip them into that folder ! It makes little sense to unzip the &NUM ( example ) files now , as in the long run , the &NUM files will have to remain zipped due to limited disk space ( remember , these are the analyses of &NUM &NUM documents ! ) You 'll have to find a way to unzip them on the fly , eg. using zcat , or , if your program cannot read in from standard-input , you 'll have to put a temporary file on the /tmp of your machine . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME : Language &NAME Hi , we had to fix something in rmrsdump - thanks to &NAME for finding out . You have to copy the C++ classes and headers again from /usr / groups / mphil / qa03 / xmlrmrs / and recompile if you start trying things out on the big files . Sorry for inconvenience caused . - &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NUM Practical Hi students , a number of questions about the &NAME &NUM practical have accummulated . Here are the answers : &NUM The baseline system should include treatment of &NAME arguments and other information -- just word matching is not enough . &NUM The deadline for it ( you should be finished with it by Friday next week ) is just an internal deadline -- you will describe the entire system , baseline Plus extension , in your report . &NUM The eval directory should now be visible from your directory . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME : Language &NAME -- buffer size Hi &NAME , as &NAME found out , sentence [ &NUM ] in &NAME has &NUM bytes and is too long for the current memory buffer ( default &NUM bytes ) . So use the constructor with a buffer size : &NAME rmrs ( &NUM ) ; instead of &NAME rmrs ; and slowly upgrade this should you run into this problem again for future sentences . - &NAME SUBJECT: LANG-2 practical : new version of &NAME * Hi , &WEBSITE is available ( thanks to &NAME ) that deals with the buffer size problem by printing out how much space is needed in case of a buffer overrun . This will keep people from having to guess . ( &NUM was the size needed to get all the way through q1 ) . Please copy this new version from /usr / groups / mphil / xmlrmrs / xmlrmrs. * and recompile . &NAME SUBJECT: xmlrmrs fixed Dear students , in a version of last night 's xmlrmrs , the last sentence ws not processed to the end . &NAME built in some changes , this is &WEBSITE again and recompile . ( Then you do n't need &NAME 's workaround ) . &NAME says : &NAME this is fixed now . The behavior of the Windows stream library is slightly different then gnu and gnu was returning a fail bit set on a call to getline ( ) with a long line . &WEBSITE and xmlrmrs.h Other changes : Implemented the &NAME error handlers so we will get line number information if it detects a malformed &NAME file or &NAME . For the students : &NAME : : &NAME ( ) now takes a boolean value . If false is passed in , it will &NAME the creation of a &NAME for that sentence . This is helpful if you are analyzing a sentence , say [ &NUM ] and want to &NAME the others : A value of true is the normal behavior . This is set as default so you do not need to change your programs unless you wish to take advantage of this feature . SUBJECT: Language Practical &NUM : &NAME about Extension Systems Hi , next Thursday at &NAME , &NAME and I will talk about the possible extension systems for Language Practical &NUM , in the lecture room . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME project Yes , we should discuss this , but we have to do it on Friday or on Thursday because I am not here tomorrow / Wednesday . Either Thursday around &NUM , or Friday &NUM &NUM . Let me know . The Web interface project has had an awful lot of interest , so no guarantee you 'll get it . - &NAME SUBJECT: Re : LANG-2 practical ( Fwd ) I copied it over &NAME - ------ Forwarded Message There was another bug I fixed for one of the students this &WEBSITE . Can you copy it over from my home directory please ? I think to be fair everyone should know about it . The bug was that after using &NAME : : close ( ) , the next time you called &NAME : : open ( ) , it would fail to parse the &NAME header . The open ( )/close ( ) pairs now work as intended . eh - ------ End of Forwarded Message SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NUM paper for Lecture &NUM Hi &NAME , The paper " Description of the TREC-9 &NAME System " is not in the &NAME &NUM Proceedings . I also checked the author 's web site , no luck . Will you please help where to find this paper ? By the way , are you going to prepare a list of literature for each lecture as seen on the web for last year ? Such as : Lecture &NUM : ( &NAME ) Paper &NUM Paper &NUM or chapter ? ? from book ? ? . Lecture &NUM : ( &NAME ) Paper &NUM Paper &NUM or chapter ? ? from book ? ? . I think it will be very helpful . Thanks , &NAME Hi &NAME , it 's great that you keep up with the reading material in the lectures . As for the papers , we are trying to train you to be independent researchers . With google and / or researchindex as search tools , you can find virtually any recent paper on the web . To make it easier to you , each lecture note already lists the papers which are covered . As you might have found out , most of my topics are not covered in detail in juraffsky / &NAME so you have to read papers . ( I will add some useful pointers to other books in some cases , eg. Schuetze / &NAME has some good chapters ) . I assume the paper you are looking for is &NAME et &NAME 's paper . What you might not know , because you are a part timer , is that there is a copy of it in /usr / groups / mphil / qa03 / reports . &NAME , do a web search to find their slightly different version which is on TREC-9 , and many other versions of this paper from conferences . &NAME SUBJECT: URGENT : reschedule &NAME lecture &NUM Hi students , due to a family emergency , &NUM cannot give &NAME lecture &NUM ( discourse processing ) on Tuesday . The question is when to reschedule . I suggest Monday , 10th ( day before ) , at &NUM noon . Please let me know if this causes any conflict in your schedules . If it 's okay with you , you do n't need to email . Thanks . - &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME project , Detecting sentiment shift Hi &NAME , I think we should have a meeting soon , so that you can start writing your work plan . How about this friday afternoon , or thursday afternoon ? &CHAR SUBJECT: Language practicals -- evaluation Hi students , some questions have come up concerning the evaluation of your systems , and here are the answers : &NUM The question parses will not change anymore , they are in their final form . &NUM For evaluation , please exclude questions that are not parsed . &NUM You will receive " unseen " ( &NAME ) data in the same format as the development data you use up to now , sometime next week . Because you should report your system 's performance on the test data without any changes to your system , this data is deliberately held back until the very end . The difference between the system 's performance on the test data and on the seen ( development ) data -- which you should also report -- tests the generalisability of your strategies . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Language practicals -- evaluation &NUM For evaluation , please exclude questions that are not parsed . &NAME , does this mean that the system should provide no output for these questions , i.e : &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM if question &NUM does not have a parse structure . Correct , this is how you should be doing it -- &NAME is not lowered if you have no output for a given question , cf. eval.pl . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME project , Detecting sentiment shift &NAME , could you please bring some printouts of reviews with you to the meeting tomorrow ? SUBJECT: Re : &NAME project , Detecting sentiment shift &NAME , I am not feeling well today and therefore I have to cancel our meeting at &NAME today . can we do the meeting tomorrow instead ? how about 5pm tomorrow , after the practical ? &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME files for Language Practical &NUM now available Hi students , the &NUM test files are now available , in /usr / groups / mphil / qa03 / test . The top_docs documents contain &NUM documents each , not &NUM each like in your development set . &WEBSITE . Question rmrss are available in questions.rmrs . &NAME rmrss in top_docs_rmrs . NE versions of the documents , necessary if you 're doing the NE extension , in &NAME . And in case you want to look at the raw text , it 's in top_docs . Please let me know if there are any problems . - &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME project workplan the workplan is good . Needs more detail for weeks &NUM . Make up some potential milestones . Separate into " overall algorithm " ' feature detection " ' feature determination " . Time for installing an off-the shelf &NAME text classifier or &NAME algorithm . Week &NUM could be half same incremental eval / improvement as in week &NUM , and half human evaluation and analysis of results . &NUM day running the experiment of asking sb ( partha ? ) to annotate sentiment shift , a day or &NUM for analysis . Automatic eval on test corpus should not take as long as a week . It 's just a guess at this point : it 's gonna change a bit anyway . I can give you detailed comments on a draft if you manage to get the draft to me &NUM days before the final deadline . This is a hard deadline -- later than that , an &NUM cannot give you comments anymore , because I am also one of the examiners . Calculate this in , with the exact date , when you write the workplan . It definitely helps the mark / report to get these comments . So it 's in your own interest to have something ready by then . I suggest to split the data into : &NUM -- annotated training data . I do n't think you want to promise you 'll do &NUM , but if you find &NAME fast , you can do it and it will improve your results . Do n't promise it though . &NUM -- unseen test data , for final eval . &NUM should be enough . &NUM -- seen development data : you can allow yourself to do searches in it , look at them , see how the current system classifies and make decisions on the basis of it , because you are allowed to look at it . Important for developmetn corpus to be reasonably large . &NAME text overall -- Possibly replace " in parallel " for " interchangably " - or is that what you meant ? &NAME &NAME when you say shifting-window technique . Define topic shift when you first use it . Annotator agreement : you with yourself after several weeks is called intra-annotator agreement . You with somebody else is called inter-annotator agreement . &NAME resend me the more detailed plan for weeks &NUM before you submit . - &NAME SUBJECT: Numbering on test data Are you guys okay with the data as it is ? Somebody suggested I change the numbers to &NUM . I will do that , but only if there 's sufficient interest . If your systems deal fine with the data as it is , I will leave the numbers ( they are original TREC-9 numbers ) . &NAME SUBJECT: LANG-2 practical : &NAME directory contains questions and answers as &NUM &NAME for your convenience &SMILEY You can use either test or test2 . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : powerpoint I did n't attach anything here 's the file SUBJECT: Re : hope this email is correct Hi &NAME , Thanks for the email . You reached the correct person . The site you sent looks very interesting ... I 'll check it out . Could you please send me you &NAME . Thanks . I need it for the entry material . Cheers , &NAME If you 're not &NAME &NAME ( whoose email have trouble remembering ) , I apologise - and please ignore this . If you are , however - here 's my email to you : Hey &NAME - this probably repeats much of what you 've already said , but elaborates a bit more ... It 's mainly taken from some guy who seems to have studied this a bit ... &WEBSITE pick and choose from it as you wich . &NAME It should be noted however that there is no such thing as a game only for women . &NAME efforts should be in the direction of games that appeal to both genders and utilise the female market that way rather than targetting them exclusively . To do this &NAME will try to appeal to " what women want " from games , while preserving traditional game ingrediences and avoiding to portray females as stereotypes . Among the things women want more of from games are the following : - ) Female roles ( to identify with ) - ) Females should never be portraid as sex objects ( because they are not identified with ) - ) Relationship issues , e.g. families , romance ... ( to provide emotional interest ) - ) Character interaction and development ( to provide commitment and involvment ) - ) Evolving story ( to provide commitment and involvment ) - ) Fantacy setting ( to provide escapism ) - ) Historical settings ( to provide interesting information ) - ) Logical puzzles ( to provide intellectual stimulation ) - ) Learning e.g. mythology , history , science . ( to provide intellectual stimulation ) - ) Combat should be presented only if rational and well integrated into the story ( because violence must be justified ) . - ) No difficult real-time combat in Adventure games ( as this is disliked by adventure games player regardless of gender . ) Now some stuff about indian software / games development ( you 've probably read this ) It 's from &WEBSITE The games software industry in &NAME is expected to grow to $ &NUM mill . within the next &NUM years , - hence awareness about gaming in &NAME is raised ( you need gaming-aware people to build successful games ) . hm ... reading this it seems more and more like this is the article you 've based your stuff on ... so I 'll leave it at that . and some suggestions for you to reject about the name : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME ( after the rocket used by the russians in ww2 ) &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME enjoy . &NAME SUBJECT: Fwd : Booking for &NAME " Dinner Hi guys , This is the dinner I spoke about . I was mistaken about the cost , it will be £ &NUM per person . Let me know &NAME if you would like to come . I have reserved spaces for you but I need to cancel if you ca n't make it . Thanks . Cheers , &NAME &NAME New Year & welcome back ! We hope you had an enjoyable break . Last term ended on a high note for the £ 350K - we received &NUM entries for the first round of submissions ... making this a new record ! This term , we continue with our speaker meetings ( e.g. &NAME &NAME , founder of Car &NAME Warehouse ) , and social events . We also have our annual general meeting ( 12th Feb ) where we seek a new committee to take on the reins of this world-renowned society . The end of term also sees the deadline for the £ &NAME competition ... which you should all have go at . Separately , the £ &NAME competition will step up a gear as the finalists start getting serious in a bid to claim their share of £ &NUM , &NUM in May . There will be an opportunity for members to join the finalist teams later in the term . More on that soon . Meanwhile , talking of finalists ... * * * * * * Qualifiers " Dinner * * * * * This term kicks off in grand style on the 16th of January with the eagerly anticipated and ever-popular " £ &NAME &NAME " Dinner " . This exquisite black-tie event brings together international and local entrepreneurs , with members of CU Entrepreneurs to celebrate the entrepreneurial spirit and , most importantly , to announce the finalists of the £ &NAME competition . It always promises to be a highly entertaining and charged affair and is not to be missed . This year , the dinner will be held in the stunning &NAME 's College &NAME Hall . The guest speaker is &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME of &NAME , and all of the ( up to ) &NUM finalists will be giving a short pitch on their qualifying entries . Places are strictly limited and we are working on a first-come-first-served basis . Tickets are highly subsidised . Event : £ &NAME &NAME " Dinner Venue : &NAME 's College &NAME : 16th January &NAME : £ &NUM for members and students Please e-mail &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) to book a place and send a cheque to : CU &NAME Institute for &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME will close on Sunday , 12th January ( &NUM days ) , so make sure you respond &NAME . The menu will be available on the website soon . On behalf of the committee , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Tuesday at &NUM : 00pm Hello All , Can everyone make it to a meeting tomorrow ( Tuesday , &NAME 28th ) at &NAME &NAME ? We can meet in the Judge , 2nd floor by the sofas . Broadly , we can talk about how to go forward . Cheers , &NAME SUBJECT: women gamers sites Hi &NAME , Below are the &NUM websites we talk about ... enjoy ! &WEBSITE / Cheers , &NAME SUBJECT: meeting Tuesday &NAME 4th at &NUM : &NUM . Hello All , We are meeting tomorrow at &NUM : &NUM in the Judge , same place as last week ... We can discuss our progress and future steps . Cheers , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Tuesday at &NUM : &NUM See you there ! SUBJECT: Re : who wants to be a &CHAR programmer ... Hey Mr. &CHAR , I 'm not drunk , yet ! Just slightly toasted . It 's a happy feeling . I 'm done with the exam , it sucked but was a joke . I hope I passed ! Thanks for the reminder because I would have forgotten otherwise ! &NAME stuff : Look for either &NAME or reference number : ST-09032003 / &NAME at : &WEBSITE Then goto the &NAME website for more info ... do n't apply for the &NAME office because its impossible to get into ... go for an office in the middle of nowhere and you can transfer after a year ! I 'll bring the p&g case tonight . See you tonight ... Cheers , &NAME On Mar &NUM &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , if you 're not drunk already , could you email me that &NAME stuff + the case study about &NAME . Wicked Sir , When I 'm done fucking with this &NAME .. SUCKER OF &CHAR C++ PROGRAM I 'll return with a vengance for some serious &NAME partying . ( home between &NUM and &NUM ) &NAME SUBJECT: Re : [ &NAME ] &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Thank you for submitting your solution to the &NUM &NAME and the Web mid-term exercise . I am pleased to advise you that your solution is satisfactory and that you will be awarded full marks for this part of the practical assessment . &NAME &NAME The " mini-browser " has been tested on &NAME &NUM . SUBJECT: Speech data needed &NAME &NAME ( KK ) and myself are doing some experimental work on voice transformation . We need &NUM or &NUM volunteers ( male and female ) who are willing to record about &NUM sentences . They must be native British English speakers . There is no cash payment , but each volunteer will receive a bottle of champagne or vintage wine in compensation for the time spent ( about &NUM hours total ) . Any volunteers please email &NAME directly . &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: &CHAR and &CHAR mid term exercise The following students have qualified so far If your name is not on this list and you think it should be , please email me asap . For those who have still not handed in your solutions , the last chance for getting feedback is &NUM noon today . After that time &NUM cannot guarantee to check it til after the closing deadline , which means that you will get no second chance to deal with any problems that I find . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Invitation - Industry Day To all &NAME &NAME &NAME is being very polite . This day is organised for your benefit and we expect all students to attend ! So please RSVP positively to &NAME 's request . Have a good Christmas . &NAME Dear &NAME &NAME , You are cordially invited to attend the annual Industry &NAME events on the 17th January &NUM from &NUM : &NUM in the &NAME lecture room and Seminar Room &NUM ( &NAME - first floor ) . There will be a series of Industry talks , a buffet lunch and talks on current research in both the &ORG and Department of Engineering , and lots of opportunity to talk with members of the Industry Supporters " Club . The day is scheduled &NUM days after your examinations , so you should be feeling relaxed , and we expect a good turnout . Please RSVP to &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) . &NAME &ORG Student Administration &NAME &NAME Building &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Avenue &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME &NAME Telephone : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM Email : &EMAIL &WEBSITE / SUBJECT: link to electronic journals here is the link to UL 's list of electronic journals ... &WEBSITE SUBJECT: &NAME Dear Sir / Madam , I am looking for a venue to hold a private formal dinner for between &NUM and &NUM people sometime around the end of November . Do you cater for such events ? If so , please could you send me some details including an estimate of the cost involved for such a function . Thank you very much for all your help . Yours faithfully , &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Dear Sir / Madam , I am looking for a venue to hold a private formal dinner for between &NUM and &NUM people sometime around the end of November . Do you cater for such events ? If so , please could you send me some details including an estimate of the cost involved for such a function . Thank you very much for all your help . Yours faithfully , &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Dear Sir / Madam , I am looking for a venue to hold a private formal dinner for between &NUM and &NUM people sometime around the end of November . Do you cater for such events ? If so , please could you send me some details including an estimate of the cost involved for such a function . Thank you very much for all your help . Yours faithfully , &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Dear Sir / Madam , I am looking for a venue to hold a private formal dinner for between &NUM and &NUM people sometime around the end of November . Do you cater for such events ? If so , please could you send me some details including an estimate of the cost involved for such a function . Thank you very much for all your help . Yours faithfully , &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Thank you for your enquiry . In order to assist you better I would be grateful if you could forward a contact telephone number and address in order we may send some literature for your attention and discuss your needs in more detail . &NAME &NAME &NAME Event Manager &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NUM : 14am ) ) ) Dear Sir / Madam , I am looking for a venue to hold a private formal dinner for between &NUM and &NUM people sometime around the end of November . Do you cater for such events ? If so , please could you send me some details including an estimate of the cost involved for such a function . Thank you very much for all your help . Yours faithfully , &NAME &NAME This message has been checked for all known viruses by MessageLabs . This message has been checked for all known viruses by MessageLabs . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Dear &NAME &NAME , Thank you for your reply . My details are as follows : &NAME &CHAR , &NAME &NAME 's &NAME , &NAME , &NAME &NUM &NAME : &NUM I would be pleased to receive any literature you send me . Yours sincerely , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Thank you for your enquiry . In order to assist you better I would be grateful if you could forward a contact telephone number and address in order we may send some literature for your attention and discuss your needs in more detail . Regards &NAME &NAME Event Manager &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NUM : 14am ) ) ) Dear Sir / Madam , I am looking for a venue to hold a private formal dinner for between &NUM and &NUM people sometime around the end of November . Do you cater for such events ? If so , please could you send me some details including an estimate of the cost involved for such a function . Thank you very much for all your help . Yours faithfully , &NAME &NAME This message has been checked for all known viruses by MessageLabs . This message has been checked for all known viruses by MessageLabs . Dear &NAME Thank you for your enquiry regarding holding a formal event at &NAME &NAME Hotel . Can you confirm if you are looking for a daytime or evening event ? These events vary according to day or night , buffet or dinner etc. Please forward full postal address along with further information and I shall send menus and pricing by return . &NAME regards &NAME &NAME Events Manager Scanned by &NAME &NAME and &NAME &NAME . Visit &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Re : Dear &NAME , Thanks for your reply . I 'm hoping to hold an evening event . My address is as follows : &NAME &CHAR , &NAME &NAME 's &NAME , &NAME , &NAME &NUM Thanks very much . Yours sincerely , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME Thank you for your enquiry regarding holding a formal event at &NAME &NAME Hotel . Can you confirm if you are looking for a daytime or evening event ? These events vary according to day or night , buffet or dinner etc. Please forward full postal address along with further information and I shall send menus and pricing by return . &NAME regards &NAME &NAME Events Manager Scanned by &NAME &NAME and &NAME &NAME . Visit &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Dear &NAME , Thank you for your reply . I would appreciate costing for &NUM course and &NUM / &NUM course dinners as I have not at this stage decided on a preference . My address is : &NAME &CHAR , &NAME &NAME 's &NAME , &NAME , &NAME &NUM Thank you for all your help . &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME Thank you for your recent enquiry . I apologise for the delay in replying as we have had difficulty with our server . We do hold private dinners at &NAME &NAME and do cater for such events . If you would be so kind as to give me a general idea of the type of dinner that you are looking for - &NUM course , &NUM &NUM course , wines , reception drinks .. I would be happy to prepare a full costing for you . I would also be grateful if you culd forward me your address so that I may put some details in the post to you . &NAME regards &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: An invitation to celebrate my 21st birthday Dear all , In &NUM weeks time I will be &NUM ! I would like to invite you all to a dinner at &NAME &NAME , near &NAME , on the evening of Saturday 30th November to celebrate my 21st birthday . Dress code will be black tie and I have booked a room for the occasion . Cost will be between £ &NUM and £ &NUM each depending on numbers ( probably nearer £ &NUM ) . Thanks to those who I 've already told about this and have said that they can come . I realise you will not all be able to , although I am giving you some advance notice in the hope that as many as possible will manage to make it . Could you let me know by email , telephone or face to face communication , as soon as is convenient , whether you &NUM ) Would like to come &NUM ) Will be able to come &NUM ) Might be able to come &NUM ) Wo n't be able to come Thanks very much for considering this . I know it is quite expensive , but I would like to do something memorable to celebrate my 21st ... Hoping you are all happy in whatever you are doing . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : An invitation to celebrate my 21st birthday um , think that sould be fine , tho it will def . depend on where I am and what I 'm doing . but it will be a priority , worry not ! love &NAME xx From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME To : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME &NAME , &NAME &NAME Subject : An invitation to celebrate my 21st birthday Date : Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear all , In &NUM weeks time I will be &NUM ! I would like to invite you all to a dinner at &NAME &NAME , near &NAME , on the evening of Saturday 30th November to celebrate my 21st birthday . Dress code will be black tie and I have booked a room for the occasion . Cost will be between £ &NUM and £ &NUM each depending on numbers ( probably nearer £ &NUM ) . Thanks to those who I 've already told about this and have said that they can come . I realise you will not all be able to , although I am giving you some advance notice in the hope that as many as possible will manage to make it . Could you let me know by email , telephone or face to face communication , as soon as is convenient , whether you &NUM ) Would like to come &NUM ) Will be able to come &NUM ) Might be able to come &NUM ) Wo n't be able to come Thanks very much for considering this . I know it is quite expensive , but I would like to do something memorable to celebrate my 21st ... Hoping you are all happy in whatever you are doing . &NAME Chat with friends online , try &NAME &NAME : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : An invitation to celebrate my 21st birthday &NAME , hey , have to be quick as I 'm supposed to be working . yes , &NAME and I should be able to make your birthday party on 30th ! ! Exciting ! &NAME to see you and others in &NAME yesterday , hope alls well and be in touch again soon , &NAME &SMILEY From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) Subject : An invitation to celebrate my 21st birthday Date : Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear all , In &NUM weeks time I will be &NUM ! I would like to invite you all to a dinner at &NAME &NAME , near &NAME , on the evening of Saturday 30th November to celebrate my 21st birthday . Dress code will be black tie and I have booked a room for the occasion . Cost will be between £ &NUM and £ &NUM each depending on numbers ( probably nearer £ &NUM ) . Thanks to those who I 've already told about this and have said that they can come . I realise you will not all be able to , although I am giving you some advance notice in the hope that as many as possible will manage to make it . Could you let me know by email , telephone or face to face communication , as soon as is convenient , whether you &NUM ) Would like to come &NUM ) Will be able to come &NUM ) Might be able to come &NUM ) Wo n't be able to come Thanks very much for considering this . I know it is quite expensive , but I would like to do something memorable to celebrate my 21st ... Hoping you are all happy in whatever you are doing . &NAME &NAME &NAME is the easiest way to share and print your photos : &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : An invitation to celebrate my 21st birthday Hi &NAME I came round to see you twice in &NUM days but your whirlwind of social activity clearly thwarted my plans ... And I 'm now told you 've been taken ill again and gone home ! I therefore resort to an electronic reply - I 'd love to come and celebrate your birthday with you , am available to and want to , so count that as a yes . Sounds like it 's going to be quite an occasion ! Hope you get well soon &NAME &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear all , In &NUM weeks time I will be &NUM ! I would like to invite you all to a dinner at &NAME &NAME , near &NAME , on the evening of Saturday 30th November to celebrate my 21st birthday . Dress code will be black tie and I have booked a room for the occasion . Cost will be between £ &NUM and £ &NUM each depending on numbers ( probably nearer £ &NUM ) . Thanks to those who I 've already told about this and have said that they can come . I realise you will not all be able to , although I am giving you some advance notice in the hope that as many as possible will manage to make it . Could you let me know by email , telephone or face to face communication , as soon as is convenient , whether you &NUM ) Would like to come &NUM ) Will be able to come &NUM ) Might be able to come &NUM ) Wo n't be able to come Thanks very much for considering this . I know it is quite expensive , but I would like to do something memorable to celebrate my 21st ... Hoping you are all happy in whatever you are doing . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : An invitation to celebrate my 21st birthday It is really unlikely but as I really want to come I 'll see what I can do . I think in all likelyhood it 's not going to work . I gues that 's the pain of having a youth work job . &NAME Dear all , In &NUM weeks time I will be &NUM ! I would like to invite you all to a dinner at &NAME &NAME , near &NAME , on the evening of Saturday 30th November to celebrate my 21st birthday . Dress code will be black tie and I have booked a room for the occasion . Cost will be between £ &NUM and £ &NUM each depending on numbers ( probably nearer £ &NUM ) . Thanks to those who I 've already told about this and have said that they can come . I realise you will not all be able to , although I am giving you some advance notice in the hope that as many as possible will manage to make it . Could you let me know by email , telephone or face to face communication , as soon as is convenient , whether you &NUM ) Would like to come &NUM ) Will be able to come &NUM ) Might be able to come &NUM ) Wo n't be able to come Thanks very much for considering this . I know it is quite expensive , but I would like to do something memorable to celebrate my 21st ... Hoping you are all happy in whatever you are doing . &NAME &NAME your FREE portable and private address on the net at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : An invitation to celebrate my 21st birthday &NAME ! I hope your lung is holding up . With regards to your birthday , I hope that will still be on . &NAME and I and possibly &NAME will be coming up together for that , so , it sounds fun ! &NAME ! &NAME Do You &NAME ! ? Everything you 'll ever need on &NUM web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : Private dinner - 30th November Dear &NAME I am sorry to hear you have been unwell , I hope you are feeling better now . The &NUM deposit is to secure the booking and will be taken off the full balance . On the contract is have sent this confirms the timings the room is available from and to , if I can help you further please contac me . &NAME regards &NAME &NAME Events Manager Dear &NAME , My apologies for having not yet returned the ? &NUM deposit to book a room for the private dinner I wish to hold on the 30th November . Unfortunately I was taken ill last week with a collapsed lung and have been unable to complete the form as yet . I will try and send it off early next week . I hope this is not inconvenient . Could you clarify whether or not the deposit is separate from the cost of the menu per person ? Also , for what length of time will we have the room booked for that evening ? I will send you details of exactly how many people I require catering for and which menu I have chosen as soon as I know . Many thanks once agin . Yours sincerely , &NAME &NAME Dear &NAME Thank you for your enquiry regarding holding a formal event at &NAME &NAME Hotel . Can you confirm if you are looking for a daytime or evening event ? These events vary according to day or night , buffet or dinner etc. Please forward full postal address along with further information and I shall send menus and pricing by return . &NAME regards &NAME &NAME Events Manager Scanned by &NAME &NAME and &NAME &NAME . Visit &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Re : Birthday parties ! &NAME ! Oh wow , a birthday at &NAME &NAME ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I 'd love to come , thank you . As for Scrabble on Sunday I 'd really like to , but am meant to get back from a fieldtrip at &NUM on Sunday evening , grrrrr ! I 'll probably be muddy , wet and shattered , so I doubt the rest of your flat would want me there , but I 'd love to play scrabble with you and &NAME another time . I 'm glad you can come to my party , I 'm really looking forward to it ! Love from , &NAME ( who thinks her husband SHOULD be ashamed of his matrimonial record ! ) Do You &NAME ! ? Everything you 'll ever need on &NUM web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Private dinner - 30th November Dear &NAME , My apologies for having not yet returned the £ &NUM deposit to book a room for the private dinner I wish to hold on the 30th November . Unfortunately I was taken ill last week with a collapsed lung and have been unable to complete the form as yet . I will try and send it off early next week . I hope this is not inconvenient . Could you clarify whether or not the deposit is separate from the cost of the menu per person ? Also , for what length of time will we have the room booked for that evening ? I will send you details of exactly how many people I require catering for and which menu I have chosen as soon as I know . Many thanks once agin . Yours sincerely , &NAME &NAME Dear &NAME Thank you for your enquiry regarding holding a formal event at &NAME &NAME Hotel . Can you confirm if you are looking for a daytime or evening event ? These events vary according to day or night , buffet or dinner etc. Please forward full postal address along with further information and I shall send menus and pricing by return . &NAME regards &NAME &NAME Events Manager Scanned by &NAME &NAME and &NAME &NAME . Visit &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: 21st Birthday Hi &NAME , Just wondered if you 'd like to come to a formal dinner at &NAME Castle on the 30th November to celebrate my 21st ? Dress code will be black tie and I have booked a room . Cost will be £ &NUM . Let me know if you want to come / can make it or not . Have a good day , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME , I think I 'll probably be up at &NAME 's on the saturday . Some of us will be staying in my flat and some in college , but I 'm sure we could meet up . Would love to see you in the afternoon . I 'm very sorry you ca n't make it , but I hope you have a nice time at home . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , &NAME you 're doing OK and in good health . I 'm really really sorry but there 's just no way I can make it to your party - I 'm going home the night before and so cannot takt the evening off &NAME 'll be at youth club until &NUM then at a Church social . I 'm really sorry , I would have loved to come to help you celebrate your 21st . I 'd like to try to come over in the early pm to see everyone and to wish you a happy birthday . Will you all be around in college after lunch ? Have a good couple of weeks and I 'll see you soon , &NAME &NAME &NUM helps ELIMINATE E-MAIL VIRUSES . ( &WEBSITE &NUM months FREE * . Hi &NAME , &NAME you 're doing OK and in good health . I 'm really really sorry but there 's just no way I can make it to your party - I 'm going home the night before and so cannot takt the evening off &NAME 'll be at youth club until &NUM then at a Church social . I 'm really sorry , I would have loved to come to help you celebrate your 21st . I 'd like to try to come over in the early pm to see everyone and to wish you a happy birthday . Will you all be around in college after lunch ? Have a good couple of weeks and I 'll see you soon , &NAME &NAME &NUM helps ELIMINATE E-MAIL VIRUSES . Get &NUM months FREE * . SUBJECT: Re : An invitation to celebrate my 21st birthday Hi &NAME , I 've just realised that I never actually replied to this ... sorry ! Is it still possible to come ? - in which case , please count me in. See you at supper , &NAME &CHAR &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear all , In &NUM weeks time I will be &NUM ! I would like to invite you all to a dinner at &NAME &NAME , near &NAME , on the evening of Saturday 30th November to celebrate my 21st birthday . Dress code will be black tie and I have booked a room for the occasion . Cost will be between £ &NUM and £ &NUM each depending on numbers ( probably nearer £ &NUM ) . Thanks to those who I 've already told about this and have said that they can come . I realise you will not all be able to , although I am giving you some advance notice in the hope that as many as possible will manage to make it . Could you let me know by email , telephone or face to face communication , as soon as is convenient , whether you &NUM ) Would like to come &NUM ) Will be able to come &NUM ) Might be able to come &NUM ) Wo n't be able to come Thanks very much for considering this . I know it is quite expensive , but I would like to do something memorable to celebrate my 21st ... Hoping you are all happy in whatever you are doing . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME news ... &NAME ... I 've got some bad news about your party ... I do n't know whether to ring you or email , but you 're ( probably ) not going to like it . you can choose your medium . I do have an alternative . &NAME . and I 'm deeply sorry in a very heartfelt way . &NAME &CHAR STOP MORE &NAME with the new &NAME &NUM and get &NUM months FREE * Hi &NAME , Well , trying to organise your life is certainly a full-time task . The only possible option seems to be for you to get to &NAME for around &NUM o' clock . Then &NAME would meet you and take you to &NAME with &NAME and &NAME . This plan rests on the assumption that you can get the afternoon off work ... Here is the train information from &NAME : &NAME &NAME &NUM : &NUM &NAME &NAME &NUM : &NUM &NAME : £ &NUM ( cheap day single with &NAME railcard ) £ &NUM ( cheap day single ) Then perhaps on the way back your parent / I could meet you in &NAME or &NAME or somewhere ? Oh , and there also appears to be a 7-day advance saver ticket from &NAME to &NAME ( single ) for only £ &NUM if being in a cramped box on wheels with &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and possibly some guitars does n't appeal to you . I think it leaves &NAME at just after &NAME ish . Hope you 're having a good day and you can make it next weekend . Love &NAME &NAME , sounds ok , but then I still have to get back . I know about the cheap wol-dur tckts , but that does only cover &NUM way . Hmmm. Will have to have a think . * Try and make sure you can get off work . * See if your parents can pick you up at &NAME / &NAME on Sunday . If they ca n't then you could consider getting another single ticket back from &NAME to &NAME . Give me a ring when you get home from work . &NAME &NAME , &NAME wrote : &NAME , sounds ok , but then I still have to get back . I know about the cheap wol-dur tckts , but that does only cover &NUM way . Hmmm. Will have to have a think . SUBJECT: Regarding the private dinner I have booked for 30th November : I would like to confirm that the final number of attendees will be &NUM . Also , I have chosen suggested menu &NUM . I wo n't be selecting any wines . One of my guests is a vegetarian , would it be possible for him to have a suitable main course ( all other courses on the set menu chosen seem fine ) provided and how much extra woiuld this cost ? Also , since the dinner is to celebrate my 21st birthday , I would like to bring a cake . Would it be possible for this to be served after the meal ? Many thanks once again for all your help . Yours sincerely , &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME , Greetings , Do any or all of you wish to dine with &NAME &CHAR at &NUM : &NUM on Friday evening , after your long and arduous journey from the barren wastelands of the deep south , or have you made other arrangements ? &NAME &NAME &NAME will be cooking . I await your responses . &NAME SUBJECT: Confirmation details - Contract &NUM Dear &NAME , &NAME , but could I change the number of attendees to &NUM for my dinner on Saturday evening ? Many thanks . &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Yes , if &NAME is invited as well . ( pleeease ... ) - -- &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) wrote : ) &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME , Greetings , Do any or all of you wish to dine with &NAME &CHAR at &NUM : &NUM on Friday evening , after your long and arduous journey from the barren wastelands of the deep south , or have you made other arrangements ? &NAME &NAME &NAME will be cooking . I await your responses . &NAME Do You &NAME ! ? Everything you 'll ever need on &NUM web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Cars , &NAME & &NAME Dear &NAME , Of course she can be ! &NAME ! &NAME , I ca n't remember if I have already asked you , but would you mind taking people to &NAME &NAME and back on Saturday in your car ? This would obviously mean you could n't drink much alcohol , so if you 'd rather not then that 's fine , I understand , but we 'd probably have to get taxi 's. Hope you have a great week . &NAME &NAME Have you got Trillian ? SUBJECT: Re : Cars , &NAME & &NAME I do n't know what trillion is , other than a number . Yes I 'll take people to the castle , I wo n't drink anythign and thanks for inviting &NAME . &NAME - -- &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) wrote : ) Dear &NAME , Of course she can be ! &NAME ! &NAME , I ca n't remember if I have already asked you , but would you mind taking people to &NAME &NAME and back on Saturday in your car ? This would obviously mean you could n't drink much alcohol , so if you 'd rather not then that 's fine , I understand , but we 'd probably have to get taxi 's. Hope you have a great week . &NAME &NAME Have you got Trillian ? Do You &NAME ! ? Everything you 'll ever need on &NUM web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : Cars , &NAME & &NAME Oh &NAME , &NAME has just remided me that we might not get there till later cause the last friday I came up it took much longer than &NUM hours . Expect us around &NUM or &NUM : &NUM and then you probably wo n't have to keep the food warm . &NAME - -- &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) wrote : ) Dear &NAME , Of course she can be ! &NAME ! &NAME , I ca n't remember if I have already asked you , but would you mind taking people to &NAME &NAME and back on Saturday in your car ? This would obviously mean you could n't drink much alcohol , so if you 'd rather not then that 's fine , I understand , but we 'd probably have to get taxi 's. Hope you have a great week . &NAME &NAME Have you got Trillian ? Do You &NAME ! ? Everything you 'll ever need on &NUM web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : Confirmation details - Contract &NUM Dear &NAME Thank you for your email , I have amended your booking to read &NUM guests and &NUM Vegetarian . The Chef will provide an alternative &NAME &NAME and the price will be the same . Please contact me if I can help you further . &NAME regards &NAME &NAME Events Manager Dear &NAME , &NAME , but could I change the number of attendees to &NUM for my dinner on Saturday evening ? Many thanks . &NAME &NAME This email and all attached file ( &CHAR ) are confidential and intended solely for the use of the addressee ( &CHAR ) . If you have received this email in error please notify the sender and then delete it from your system . &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NUM &NAME : &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM &NUM Web : &WEBSITE SUBJECT: &NAME &CHAR are good cooks - discuss Hi &NAME , It wo n't be baked beans ( I do n't like them ) . Nor will it be fish ( we are having a fortnight of poverty ) . I 'll try and make sure it is n't poisonous . Oh , &NAME emailed me to ask what time you 're getting in to &NAME station ? Could you let me know please ? Thanks ! Very much looking forward to seeing you ! &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Excellent choice ! We had to make it a bit earlier because some of my flat are going out , so I 'm afraid it 'll be just after &NUM : &NAME now , but I 'll try and delay it - we could have a fire alarm or something . &NAME &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME , tough decision ! Maybe I 'll do both ! Though I guess that 's very naughty ... Yes please , I 'd love to come to dinner and can always sneak out of choir a bit early if necessary , I 'll ask &NAME to give me a call when they arrive and I 'll walk up . &NAME ! Love , &NAME xxx SUBJECT: &NAME update Just to let you all know that dinner will now be at about &NUM : 15pm on Friday if you 're coming ( I 've heard yes from everyone except &NAME ) . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME that would be cool thanks &NAME . ... I 'm going to stay in college with &NAME so do n't worry about that but food would be lovely ! Thanks , see you soon , &NAME On &NAME &NUM &NUM , &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME , Greetings , Do any or all of you wish to dine with &NAME &CHAR at &NUM : &NUM on Friday evening , after your long and arduous journey from the barren wastelands of the deep south , or have you made other arrangements ? &NAME &NAME &NAME will be cooking . I await your responses . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME hey &NAME boy ! just to let you know ( in &NAME &NAME has n't already ) - she can come ! ! &NAME its ok to fit her in with &NAME castle . Obviously , if nothing can be done , please let us know asap ! cheers &NAME , lovely to talk to you yesterday - have a fab birthday tomorrow ! ! take care , &NAME &SMILEY &WEBSITE &NAME &NAME &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : &NAME ok , provided it is n't: a. fish b. baked beans or c. &NAME From : &NAME &NAME To : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME Subject : Re : &NAME &NAME : Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM ( &NAME ) Count me in &NAME . &CHAR On Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME , Greetings , Do any or all of you wish to dine with &NAME &CHAR at &NUM : &NUM on Friday evening , after your long and arduous journey from the barren wastelands of the deep south , or have you made other arrangements ? &NAME &NAME &NAME will be cooking . I await your responses . &NAME &NAME &NUM helps ELIMINATE E-MAIL VIRUSES . Get &NUM months FREE * . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Count me in &NAME . &CHAR On Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME , Greetings , Do any or all of you wish to dine with &NAME &CHAR at &NUM : &NUM on Friday evening , after your long and arduous journey from the barren wastelands of the deep south , or have you made other arrangements ? &NAME &NAME &NAME will be cooking . I await your responses . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME , tough decision ! Maybe I 'll do both ! Though I guess that 's very naughty ... Yes please , I 'd love to come to dinner and can always sneak out of choir a bit early if necessary , I 'll ask &NAME to give me a call when they arrive and I 'll walk up . &NAME ! Love , &NAME xxx &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , Yes , that made sense ! &NAME has just reminded me that you have just reminded him that he might get here later than planned , so dinner will now be just after &NUM : &NAME . Do you want some , or will you have eaten before ? Oh , and of course you 're very welcome to come over after choir if you decide not to eat with us ! &NAME that made sense too ! &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME , &NAME has a place at &NAME &NAME and &NAME has a vegetarian meal for the same price - I 'm a happy 21-year-old ! See you both soon ! &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : hey &NAME boy ! just to let you know ( in &NAME &NAME has n't already ) - she can come ! ! &NAME its ok to fit her in with &NAME castle . Obviously , if nothing can be done , please let us know asap ! cheers &NAME , lovely to talk to you yesterday - have a fab birthday tomorrow ! ! take care , &NAME &SMILEY &WEBSITE &NAME &NAME &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &CHAR are good cooks - discuss WELL . I DO N'T KNOW . AND I HAVE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT CAPS LOCK ON . I WILL FIND OUT IN MY LUNCH BREAK . MY MIND IS &NAME WITH THE BOREDOM . &NAME XX Hi &NAME , It wo n't be baked beans ( I do n't like them ) . Nor will it be fish ( we are having a fortnight of poverty ) . I 'll try and make sure it is n't poisonous . Oh , &NAME emailed me to ask what time you 're getting in to &NAME station ? Could you let me know please ? Thanks ! Very much looking forward to seeing you ! &NAME Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . &NAME , what time is &NAME gettin into &NAME ? I 've installed &NAME now &NAME Do You &NAME ! ? Everything you 'll ever need on &NUM web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : Excellent ! I look forward to seeing you there sometime . I do n't know when &NAME is getting into &NAME yet , but if she gets the train I suggested then it will be . However , I will let you know for definite as soon as I do . And you 've all decided to come for dinner - including &NAME - excellent ! &NAME &NAME &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME , what time is &NAME gettin into &NAME ? I 've installed &NAME now &NAME Do You &NAME ! ? Everything you 'll ever need on &NUM web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Sorry , forgot the possible time ! Possible time was &NUM : &NAME . Will let you know . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME update &NAME with me &NAME anf &NAME - -- &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) wrote : ) Just to let you all know that dinner will now be at about &NUM : 15pm on Friday if you 're coming ( I 've heard yes from everyone except &NAME ) . &NAME Do You &NAME ! ? Everything you 'll ever need on &NUM web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : &NAME update Excuse me but I just sent you an email saying I 'd like to come . ... before I got this email infact . ... &NAME , glad you 're coming . ... thanks for the bag . ... I really really like it . ... wore it on my bike yesterday ... &NAME . ... hope you got your bike fixed ... &NAME . ... &NAME for taking us on Friday you are brilliant ! &NAME ... you 're nearly &NUM &NUM . . ... you 're SO YOUNG ! Your birthday has made me think about buying anti-wrinkle cream but I 've decided that even I 'm not that old yet ... I 'm Getting really excited about Friday and it 's only Tuesday ! But I 'm going to town this afternoon as a treat to myself which is quite exciting too . ... love &NAME On &NAME &NUM &NUM , &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Just to let you all know that dinner will now be at about &NUM : 15pm on Friday if you 're coming ( I 've heard yes from everyone except &NAME ) . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME , forgot the possible time ! Cool . thanks &NAME - -- &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) wrote : ) Possible time was &NUM : &NAME . Will let you know . &NAME Do You &NAME ! ? Everything you 'll ever need on &NUM web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : &NAME update &NAME , Excuse me , but there must be a temporal delay between &NAME and &NAME . I assure you I did not receive your email until after I 'd sent mine ( okay , so &NUM second after , but nevermind ) . Glad you 're dining with us . I happen to think &NUM &NUM is very old and can hardly believe I am this age . I guess that does n't do much for your self esteem though . See you on Friday ! &NAME N. &NAME wrote : Excuse me but I just sent you an email saying I 'd like to come . ... before I got this email infact . ... &NAME , glad you 're coming . ... thanks for the bag . ... I really really like it . ... wore it on my bike yesterday ... &NAME . ... hope you got your bike fixed ... &NAME . ... &NAME for taking us on Friday you are brilliant ! &NAME ... you 're nearly &NUM &NUM . . ... you 're SO YOUNG ! Your birthday has made me think about buying anti-wrinkle cream but I 've decided that even I 'm not that old yet ... I 'm Getting really excited about Friday and it 's only Tuesday ! But I 'm going to town this afternoon as a treat to myself which is quite exciting too . ... love &NAME On &NAME &NUM &NUM , &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Just to let you all know that dinner will now be at about &NUM : 15pm on Friday if you 're coming ( I 've heard yes from everyone except &NAME ) . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Hi &NAME , Have just been emailing &NAME . , and he 's having dinner at &NAME &CHAR on Friday evening at &NUM : 30pm after his long drive up from the south . Would you like to come too ? Hope you have a good week . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Hi &NAME ! &NAME , I 'd love to . Are you sure that 's ok ? Do you want me to bring anything ? Oh no , I 've just realised it 's one of the last choirs before the concert , arghh ! &NAME , I think I 'll have to say no , but is it ok if I turn up the moment choir finishes ? Probably about &NUM / &NUM , not for dinner , just to see &NAME and you guys ! I hope this email has made sense , the &NAME thought process in action ! Love from , &NAME xxx &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , Have just been emailing &NAME . , and he 's having dinner at &NAME &CHAR on Friday evening at &NUM : 30pm after his long drive up from the south . Would you like to come too ? Hope you have a good week . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Hi &NAME , Yes , that made sense ! &NAME has just reminded me that you have just reminded him that he might get here later than planned , so dinner will now be just after &NUM : &NAME . Do you want some , or will you have eaten before ? Oh , and of course you 're very welcome to come over after choir if you decide not to eat with us ! &NAME that made sense too ! &NAME &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME ! &NAME , I 'd love to . Are you sure that 's ok ? Do you want me to bring anything ? Oh no , I 've just realised it 's one of the last choirs before the concert , arghh ! &NAME , I think I 'll have to say no , but is it ok if I turn up the moment choir finishes ? Probably about &NUM / &NUM , not for dinner , just to see &NAME and you guys ! I hope this email has made sense , the &NAME thought process in action ! Love from , &NAME xxx &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , Have just been emailing &NAME . , and he 's having dinner at &NAME &CHAR on Friday evening at &NUM : 30pm after his long drive up from the south . Would you like to come too ? Hope you have a good week . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Hi &NAME , Just to check that you 're sure you do n't mind taking people to &NAME Castle on Friday in your car ? This would mean you could n't drink much alcohol . Let me know . Hope you have a good day . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : OR DO N'T BOTHER &NAME &NUM at &NAME barring delays , which there might well be . &NAME text &NAME with delays . .. xx Hi &NAME , Trillian will allow you to access MSn , &NAME , &NAME , and a few others . You can delete it at any time . It 's a small folder and it 's all self contained so there 's only &NUM thing to delete . &NAME to see you there . &NAME &NAME , &NAME wrote : WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER IF I DO THIS ? WILL I BE ABLE TO ERASE IT WHEN I LEAVE ? WILL IT ALLOW ME TOUSE MESSENGER OR JUST &NAME ? AND WHY CAN I NOT REMEMBER TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK ? Oh dear . Caps lock is okay , I thought I had said something wrong for a moment . If you 're bored , try trillian ... &WEBSITE It allows you to use &NAME and &NAME ITS has n't blocked it so I use it here . See you , &NAME &NAME , &NAME wrote : WELL . I DO N'T KNOW . AND I HAVE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT CAPS LOCK ON . I WILL FIND OUT IN MY LUNCH BREAK . MY MIND IS &NAME WITH THE BOREDOM . &NAME XX Hi &NAME , It wo n't be baked beans ( I do n't like them ) . Nor will it be fish ( we are having a fortnight of poverty ) . I 'll try and make sure it is n't poisonous . Oh , &NAME emailed me to ask what time you 're getting in to &NAME station ? Could you let me know please ? Thanks ! Very much looking forward to seeing you ! &NAME Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . SUBJECT: &NAME Hi &NAME , Yes , I was right . &NAME 's train is due in to &NAME at &NUM : &NAME . She will text you if it is delayed . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME ! ! ! ! ! Fire alarm ! And I thought you were such a nice guy , though I should have guessed from the tales I 've heard of your 2nd year ... ! I 'll get there as soon as I can , is there anything you need me to bring ? And. . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! Are you having a good day ? I hope it 's really fun . Lots of love , &NAME xxx &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Excellent choice ! We had to make it a bit earlier because some of my flat are going out , so I 'm afraid it 'll be just after &NUM : &NAME now , but I 'll try and delay it - we could have a fire alarm or something . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Hi &NAME , I was n't being at all serious about a fire alarm ! Also , I did not turn your milk pink ( ! ! ) and am most aggrieved you suspected me &SMILEY Have a nice day and you do n't need to bring anything on Friday . &NAME &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME ! ! ! ! ! Fire alarm ! And I thought you were such a nice guy , though I should have guessed from the tales I 've heard of your 2nd year ... ! I 'll get there as soon as I can , is there anything you need me to bring ? And. . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! Are you having a good day ? I hope it 's really fun . Lots of love , &NAME xxx SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Hi &NAME , &NAME 's &NAME email address is &EMAIL I am about to send out details of Saturday evening . Cost was specified in the initial email invitation , i.e. £ &NUM each . Thanks for the email . Hope you 're having a good day . &NAME &NAME Thanks for remembering my birthday was yesterday and not Saturday like a lot of people seem to think ! I appreciated it very much . &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , I ca n't remember &NAME &CHAR 's &NAME email address . Please can you check that she will be able to have &NAME stay in her room on sat night ? If she ca n't as she may have several other females filling up the floor space , please email ( oh , better still , text ) &NAME and tell her she needs to sort something out accomodation-wise . cheers ! Hope you are having a fun-filled ( I guess it 's more like work-filled , but - hey - not long till the weekend ! ! ) birthday . Oh , and &NUM final request ( for the moment ) . Please can you send all those invited to your party details of the cost / plans for the evening . All I am aware of is &NAME &NAME , &NAME til late . How much do we all need to pay and what is involved ? I know its a sit down meal etc but do we hang out in a bar or something afterwards ? &SMILEY Just thought it may be useful to let us all know ( maybe you have already and I did n't get the email ) as I 'm in the dark - quite exciting , but my finances are pleading for information , as is my curiosity ! Really looking forward to the whole event ! ! ! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! bye for now , &NAME &SMILEY From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Re : &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM &NAME , &NAME has a place at &NAME &NAME and &NAME has a vegetarian meal for the same price - I 'm a happy 21-year-old ! See you both soon ! &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : hey &NAME boy ! just to let you know ( in &NAME &NAME has n't already ) - she can come ! ! &NAME its ok to fit her in with &NAME castle . Obviously , if nothing can be done , please let us know asap ! cheers &NAME , lovely to talk to you yesterday - have a fab birthday tomorrow ! ! take care , &NAME &SMILEY &WEBSITE &NAME &NAME &WEBSITE Help STOP &NAME with the new &NAME &NUM and get &NUM months FREE * &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME , I ca n't remember &NAME &CHAR 's &NAME email address . Please can you check that she will be able to have &NAME stay in her room on sat night ? If she ca n't as she may have several other females filling up the floor space , please email ( oh , better still , text ) &NAME and tell her she needs to sort something out accomodation-wise . cheers ! Hope you are having a fun-filled ( I guess it 's more like work-filled , but - hey - not long till the weekend ! ! ) birthday . Oh , and &NUM final request ( for the moment ) . Please can you send all those invited to your party details of the cost / plans for the evening . All I am aware of is &NAME &NAME , &NAME til late . How much do we all need to pay and what is involved ? I know its a sit down meal etc but do we hang out in a bar or something afterwards ? &SMILEY Just thought it may be useful to let us all know ( maybe you have already and I did n't get the email ) as I 'm in the dark - quite exciting , but my finances are pleading for information , as is my curiosity ! Really looking forward to the whole event ! ! ! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! bye for now , &NAME &SMILEY From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Re : &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM &NAME , &NAME has a place at &NAME &NAME and &NAME has a vegetarian meal for the same price - I 'm a happy 21-year-old ! See you both soon ! &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : hey &NAME boy ! just to let you know ( in &NAME &NAME has n't already ) - she can come ! ! &NAME its ok to fit her in with &NAME castle . Obviously , if nothing can be done , please let us know asap ! cheers &NAME , lovely to talk to you yesterday - have a fab birthday tomorrow ! ! take care , &NAME &SMILEY &WEBSITE &NAME &NAME &WEBSITE Help STOP &NAME with the new &NAME &NUM and get &NUM months FREE * &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Arrangements for Saturday evening Dear all , Just to let you know a little bit about the plans for Saturday evening since some of the more curious among you have been asking . The cost will be £ &NUM per person . Please make cheques payable to &NAME &NAME and present them to me on Saturday . There are &NUM of us going and the transport arrangements at present are as follows ( if any of this is wrong , I 'm sorry ) : &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME are going to take people there in their cars . I think I am right in saying that &NAME and &NAME are getting a taxi , so if anyone else wants to do that too then that would mean &NUM people per car , which is perfectly manageable . People leaving from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME People leaving from College : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME 's car ? ) &NAME , &NAME , and anyone else ) ) ( taxi ? ) We aim to arrive at &NAME Castle for 7pm so will probably leave &NAME at about &NUM : &NAME . Dress code is black tie if you are male , and if you are female then please wear a nice dress . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME That 's great , thanks &NAME - oh , and as if I would forget it was your birthday yesterday . As you said , my memory is very good ! &SMILEY Oh , by the way , if &NAME did n't text you a happy birthday yesterday - well , he meant to ! I am not sure if he got round to it but it was certainly an intention of his , and - if you 're counting - he was another who was aware your birthday was yesterday ( ok , I told him ) &SMILEY I apoke to &NAME last night and she said she 'd forgotten and called you ! &NAME - typical &NAME ! &SMILEY &NAME , will email &NAME now - have a good day and looking forward to the email with details of the weekend ... I am SO excited ! Bye for now , &NAME &SMILEY From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Re : &NAME &NAME : Wed , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , &NAME 's &NAME email address is &EMAIL I am about to send out details of Saturday evening . Cost was specified in the initial email invitation , i.e. £ &NUM each . Thanks for the email . Hope you 're having a good day . &NAME &NAME Thanks for remembering my birthday was yesterday and not Saturday like a lot of people seem to think ! I appreciated it very much . &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , I ca n't remember &NAME &CHAR 's &NAME email address . Please can you check that she will be able to have &NAME stay in her room on sat night ? If she ca n't as she may have several other females filling up the floor space , please email ( oh , better still , text ) &NAME and tell her she needs to sort something out accomodation-wise . cheers ! Hope you are having a fun-filled ( I guess it 's more like work-filled , but - hey - not long till the weekend ! ! ) birthday . Oh , and &NUM final request ( for the moment ) . Please can you send all those invited to your party details of the cost / plans for the evening . All I am aware of is &NAME &NAME , &NAME til late . How much do we all need to pay and what is involved ? I know its a sit down meal etc but do we hang out in a bar or something afterwards ? &SMILEY Just thought it may be useful to let us all know ( maybe you have already and I did n't get the email ) as I 'm in the dark - quite exciting , but my finances are pleading for information , as is my curiosity ! Really looking forward to the whole event ! ! ! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! bye for now , &NAME &SMILEY From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Re : &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM &NAME , &NAME has a place at &NAME &NAME and &NAME has a vegetarian meal for the same price - I 'm a happy 21-year-old ! See you both soon ! &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : hey &NAME boy ! just to let you know ( in &NAME &NAME has n't already ) - she can come ! ! &NAME its ok to fit her in with &NAME castle . Obviously , if nothing can be done , please let us know asap ! cheers &NAME , lovely to talk to you yesterday - have a fab birthday tomorrow ! ! take care , &NAME &SMILEY &WEBSITE &NAME &NAME &WEBSITE Help STOP &NAME with the new &NAME &NUM and get &NUM months FREE * &WEBSITE The new &NAME &NUM : advanced junk mail protection and &NUM months FREE * &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Now what I look forward to is &NAME hockey ( with &NAME ! ) , sleeping with &NAME and playing &NAME 's " games " . &NAME " anyone ? ? &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening &NUM in &NUM cars ? &CHAR Dear all , Just to let you know a little bit about the plans for Saturday evening since some of the more curious among you have been asking . The cost will be £ &NUM per person . Please make cheques payable to &NAME &NAME and present them to me on Saturday . There are &NUM of us going and the transport arrangements at present are as follows ( if any of this is wrong , I 'm sorry ) : &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME are going to take people there in their cars . I think I am right in saying that &NAME and &NAME are getting a taxi , so if anyone else wants to do that too then that would mean &NUM people per car , which is perfectly manageable . People leaving from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME & &NAME 's cars ? ) People leaving from College : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME 's car ? ) &NAME , &NAME , and anyone else ) ) ( taxi ? ) We aim to arrive at &NAME Castle for 7pm so will probably leave &NAME at about &NUM : &NAME . Dress code is black tie if you are male , and if you are female then please wear a nice dress . SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening what &NAME means by " things that &NAME will suggest " is games ( I can see &NAME 's face dropping ! ) ( Do n't worry &NAME , only &NUM or &NUM . ... ) Does anyone have any suggestions ? ( Not Risk &NAME ) ( and not board games ) . ... we COULD do taboo ( I can see &NAME and &NAME 's faces dropping now ) and maybe one other ? see y' all soon , &NAME GLAD YOU ARE COMING &NAME ! On &NAME &NUM &NUM , &NAME wrote : &NUM in &NUM cars ? &CHAR Dear all , Just to let you know a little bit about the plans for Saturday evening since some of the more curious among you have been asking . The cost will be £ &NUM per person . Please make cheques payable to &NAME &NAME and present them to me on Saturday . There are &NUM of us going and the transport arrangements at present are as follows ( if any of this is wrong , I 'm sorry ) : &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME are going to take people there in their cars . I think I am right in saying that &NAME and &NAME are getting a taxi , so if anyone else wants to do that too then that would mean &NUM people per car , which is perfectly manageable . People leaving from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME & &NAME 's cars ? ) People leaving from College : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME 's car ? ) &NAME , &NAME , and anyone else ) ) ( taxi ? ) We aim to arrive at &NAME Castle for 7pm so will probably leave &NAME at about &NUM : &NAME . Dress code is black tie if you are male , and if you are female then please wear a nice dress . SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening &NAME , you make it out like &CHAR and I are loners going all by ourselves ! It 's very simple , &NUM cars of &NUM and &NUM car of &NUM . If I do n't hear otherwise , I will order a taxi on the saturday ( for saturday ) to arrive at &NAME at 6.40pm . &NAME and I will walk up there and that way we can have for example ; &NUM car from college with &NUM in it &NUM cars from margarets with &NUM , &NUM , &NUM Not too complicated and then hopefully I wo n't look too gay not driving . If people really want me to drive I will , but I would rather not . Sorry if everyone 's making this all complicated , it really should n't be , I &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear all , Just to let you know a little bit about the plans for Saturday evening since some of the more curious among you have been asking . The cost will be £ &NUM per person . Please make cheques payable to &NAME &NAME and present them to me on Saturday . There are &NUM of us going and the transport arrangements at present are as follows ( if any of this is wrong , I 'm sorry ) : &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME are going to take people there in their cars . I think I am right in saying that &NAME and &NAME are getting a taxi , so if anyone else wants to do that too then that would mean &NUM people per car , which is perfectly manageable . People leaving from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME & &NAME 's cars ? ) People leaving from College : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME 's car ? ) &NAME , &NAME , and anyone else ) ) ( taxi ? ) We aim to arrive at &NAME Castle for 7pm so will probably leave &NAME at about &NUM : &NAME . Dress code is black tie if you are male , and if you are female then please wear a nice dress . SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening &NAME et all , Am happy to drive as it will make practicalities a lot easier , cheaper ( for me ) etc. So &NAME and I will boogie on up to &NAME Saturday evening and then : &NUM car of &NUM can leave from college &NUM cars of &NUM , &NUM , &NUM can leave from &NAME I think that maths is correct . Anyhows , that should be sorted now . Now what I look forward to is &NAME hockey ( with &NAME ! ) , sleeping with &NAME and playing &NAME 's " games " . I 've already let her know that we should play some of the games I 've learnt down here at &NAME , but I do n't think they 're appropriate . Anyhows , see you sat if not before , I &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear all , Just to let you know a little bit about the plans for Saturday evening since some of the more curious among you have been asking . The cost will be £ &NUM per person . Please make cheques payable to &NAME &NAME and present them to me on Saturday . There are &NUM of us going and the transport arrangements at present are as follows ( if any of this is wrong , I 'm sorry ) : &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME are going to take people there in their cars . I think I am right in saying that &NAME and &NAME are getting a taxi , so if anyone else wants to do that too then that would mean &NUM people per car , which is perfectly manageable . People leaving from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME & &NAME 's cars ? ) People leaving from College : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME 's car ? ) &NAME , &NAME , and anyone else ) ) ( taxi ? ) We aim to arrive at &NAME Castle for 7pm so will probably leave &NAME at about &NUM : &NAME . Dress code is black tie if you are male , and if you are female then please wear a nice dress . SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening &NAME , as you can see , I am happy driving now , cheers , I &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear all , Just to let you know a little bit about the plans for Saturday evening since some of the more curious among you have been asking . The cost will be £ &NUM per person . Please make cheques payable to &NAME &NAME and present them to me on Saturday . There are &NUM of us going and the transport arrangements at present are as follows ( if any of this is wrong , I 'm sorry ) : &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME are going to take people there in their cars . I think I am right in saying that &NAME and &NAME are getting a taxi , so if anyone else wants to do that too then that would mean &NUM people per car , which is perfectly manageable . People leaving from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME & &NAME 's cars ? ) People leaving from College : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME 's car ? ) &NAME , &NAME , and anyone else ) ) ( taxi ? ) We aim to arrive at &NAME Castle for 7pm so will probably leave &NAME at about &NUM : &NAME . Dress code is black tie if you are male , and if you are female then please wear a nice dress . SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Hi &NAME , No , no , I 'm quite happy with you getting a taxi ! It would be a shame if you could n't drink ... ! ( And if I had a car then I would n't want to drive it if it meant no alcohol either . ) &NAME 's not really all that keen on alcohol anyway and &NAME is on painkillers so that 's why they 're driving . Basically it 's up to you , but if you get a taxi as long as &NUM or &NUM others share the it then the car situation should be fine . Hope you have a good week and looking forward to seeing you on Saturday . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , you make it out like &CHAR and I are loners going all by ourselves ! It 's very simple , &NUM cars of &NUM and &NUM car of &NUM . If I do n't hear otherwise , I will order a taxi on the saturday ( for saturday ) to arrive at &NAME at 6.40pm . &NAME and I will walk up there and that way we can have for example ; &NUM car from college with &NUM in it &NUM cars from margarets with &NUM , &NUM , &NUM Not too complicated and then hopefully I wo n't look too gay not driving . If people really want me to drive I will , but I would rather not . Sorry if everyone 's making this all complicated , it really should n't be , I &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear all , Just to let you know a little bit about the plans for Saturday evening since some of the more curious among you have been asking . The cost will be £ &NUM per person . Please make cheques payable to &NAME &NAME and present them to me on Saturday . There are &NUM of us going and the transport arrangements at present are as follows ( if any of this is wrong , I 'm sorry ) : &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME are going to take people there in their cars . I think I am right in saying that &NAME and &NAME are getting a taxi , so if anyone else wants to do that too then that would mean &NUM people per car , which is perfectly manageable . People leaving from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME & &NAME 's cars ? ) People leaving from College : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME 's car ? ) &NAME , &NAME , and anyone else ) ) ( taxi ? ) We aim to arrive at &NAME Castle for 7pm so will probably leave &NAME at about &NUM : &NAME . Dress code is black tie if you are male , and if you are female then please wear a nice dress . SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening What 's that ? &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Now what I look forward to is &NAME hockey ( with &NAME ! ) , sleeping with &NAME and playing &NAME 's " games " . &NAME " anyone ? ? &CHAR SUBJECT: &NAME Dear all , Do n't worry about transport arrangements for Saturday . TRUST ME ! Everything is under control ... &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening hello , looking forward to seeing everyone this weekend ( some of you lateish tomorrow evening - &NAME 's Bar ... be there ! ) Re - &NAME : I 'm perfectly happy with whatever - party games : bridge ? &SMILEY I can just see &NAME 's face ! - &NAME sleeping with &NAME : I 'm concerned . no , worried . seriously . See you all soon ! love &NAME x From : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) &NAME : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Date : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM &NAME et all , Am happy to drive as it will make practicalities a lot easier , cheaper ( for me ) etc. So &NAME and I will boogie on up to &NAME Saturday evening and then : &NUM car of &NUM can leave from college &NUM cars of &NUM , &NUM , &NUM can leave from &NAME I think that maths is correct . Anyhows , that should be sorted now . Now what I look forward to is &NAME hockey ( with &NAME ! ) , sleeping with &NAME and playing &NAME 's " games " . I 've already let her know that we should play some of the games I 've learnt down here at &NAME , but I do n't think they 're appropriate . Anyhows , see you sat if not before , I &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear all , Just to let you know a little bit about the plans for Saturday evening since some of the more curious among you have been asking . The cost will be £ &NUM per person . Please make cheques payable to &NAME &NAME and present them to me on Saturday . There are &NUM of us going and the transport arrangements at present are as follows ( if any of this is wrong , I 'm sorry ) : &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME are going to take people there in their cars . I think I am right in saying that &NAME and &NAME are getting a taxi , so if anyone else wants to do that too then that would mean &NUM people per car , which is perfectly manageable . People leaving from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME & &NAME 's cars ? ) People leaving from College : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME 's car ? ) &NAME , &NAME , and anyone else ) ) ( taxi ? ) We aim to arrive at &NAME Castle for 7pm so will probably leave &NAME at about &NUM : &NAME . Dress code is black tie if you are male , and if you are female then please wear a nice dress . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME I 'm sorry ! Our suspected person was lying through his teeth ( a certain Mr. &NAME &NAME ! ) , so we were suspecting anyone who knew about the prank in former years , though I did de-suspect you very quickly ! ! ! The pink milk is grotesque , and I ca n't get over the fact that it should taste of strawberry . I 'll see you Friday ! Love , &NAME xxx &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , I was n't being at all serious about a fire alarm ! Also , I did not turn your milk pink ( ! ! ) and am most aggrieved you suspected me &SMILEY Have a nice day and you do n't need to bring anything on Friday . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Come now &NAME - you 're not fooling anyone with that innocent facade . We all know you 're well acquainted with desire ! &CHAR On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : What 's that ? &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Now what I look forward to is &NAME hockey ( with &NAME ! ) , sleeping with &NAME and playing &NAME 's " games " . &NAME " anyone ? ? &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Not wildly &SMILEY &CHAR Now what I look forward to is &NAME hockey ( with &NAME ! ) , sleeping with &NAME and playing &NAME 's " games " . &NAME " anyone ? ? &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Hi &NAME , I do n't actually drink alcohol so its definitely not a problem to me . Sorry I did n't reply sooner but I 've been at home for a funeral . Will pick the girlies up at &NUM at college . See you soon . &NAME xx &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , Just to check that you 're sure you do n't mind taking people to &NAME Castle on Friday in your car ? This would mean you could n't drink much alcohol . Let me know . Hope you have a good day . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Most unfortunately , I do n't think bridge is a party game . Oh well . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : hello , looking forward to seeing everyone this weekend ( some of you lateish tomorrow evening - &NAME 's Bar ... be there ! ) Re - &NAME : I 'm perfectly happy with whatever - party games : bridge ? &SMILEY I can just see &NAME 's face ! - &NAME sleeping with &NAME : I 'm concerned . no , worried . seriously . See you all soon ! love &NAME x From : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) &NAME : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Date : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM &NAME et all , Am happy to drive as it will make practicalities a lot easier , cheaper ( for me ) etc. So &NAME and I will boogie on up to &NAME Saturday evening and then : &NUM car of &NUM can leave from college &NUM cars of &NUM , &NUM , &NUM can leave from &NAME I think that maths is correct . Anyhows , that should be sorted now . Now what I look forward to is &NAME hockey ( with &NAME ! ) , sleeping with &NAME and playing &NAME 's " games " . I 've already let her know that we should play some of the games I 've learnt down here at &NAME , but I do n't think they 're appropriate . Anyhows , see you sat if not before , I &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear all , Just to let you know a little bit about the plans for Saturday evening since some of the more curious among you have been asking . The cost will be £ &NUM per person . Please make cheques payable to &NAME &NAME and present them to me on Saturday . There are &NUM of us going and the transport arrangements at present are as follows ( if any of this is wrong , I 'm sorry ) : &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME are going to take people there in their cars . I think I am right in saying that &NAME and &NAME are getting a taxi , so if anyone else wants to do that too then that would mean &NUM people per car , which is perfectly manageable . People leaving from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME & &NAME 's cars ? ) People leaving from College : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME 's car ? ) &NAME , &NAME , and anyone else ) ) ( taxi ? ) We aim to arrive at &NAME Castle for 7pm so will probably leave &NAME at about &NUM : &NAME . Dress code is black tie if you are male , and if you are female then please wear a nice dress . SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Oh yes it is ... it 's a game for refined social gatherings ( like ours in a castle ! ) ! &SMILEY I 'm getting really excited - I finish work in just over &NUM hours and then am heading Northwards ... yay ! hope you have a good day and see you tomorrow ! &NAME &SMILEY PS - for your information , I do n't like party games very much , so lets not get too carried away with them . Please do n't go making any plans which will force me to partake if I do n't want to . &NAME &NAME boy ! &SMILEY From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Date : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Most unfortunately , I do n't think bridge is a party game . Oh well . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : hello , looking forward to seeing everyone this weekend ( some of you lateish tomorrow evening - &NAME 's Bar ... be there ! ) Re - &NAME : I 'm perfectly happy with whatever - party games : bridge ? &SMILEY I can just see &NAME 's face ! - &NAME sleeping with &NAME : I 'm concerned . no , worried . seriously . See you all soon ! love &NAME x From : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( &EMAIL ) &NAME : &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Date : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM &NAME et all , Am happy to drive as it will make practicalities a lot easier , cheaper ( for me ) etc. So &NAME and I will boogie on up to &NAME Saturday evening and then : &NUM car of &NUM can leave from college &NUM cars of &NUM , &NUM , &NUM can leave from &NAME I think that maths is correct . Anyhows , that should be sorted now . Now what I look forward to is &NAME hockey ( with &NAME ! ) , sleeping with &NAME and playing &NAME 's " games " . I 've already let her know that we should play some of the games I 've learnt down here at &NAME , but I do n't think they 're appropriate . Anyhows , see you sat if not before , I &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear all , Just to let you know a little bit about the plans for Saturday evening since some of the more curious among you have been asking . The cost will be £ &NUM per person . Please make cheques payable to &NAME &NAME and present them to me on Saturday . There are &NUM of us going and the transport arrangements at present are as follows ( if any of this is wrong , I 'm sorry ) : &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME are going to take people there in their cars . I think I am right in saying that &NAME and &NAME are getting a taxi , so if anyone else wants to do that too then that would mean &NUM people per car , which is perfectly manageable . People leaving from &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME & &NAME 's cars ? ) People leaving from College : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ) ) ( &NAME 's car ? ) &NAME , &NAME , and anyone else ) ) ( taxi ? ) We aim to arrive at &NAME Castle for 7pm so will probably leave &NAME at about &NUM : &NAME . Dress code is black tie if you are male , and if you are female then please wear a nice dress . SUBJECT: Re : Arrangements for Saturday evening Dear &NAME , I am not organising any games - &NAME is . It is all her responsibility . Oh , I 'm too excited to revise this afternoon ! Have just had lunch in college and am heading back to &NAME 's now . " &NAME you have a good day and see you tomorrow ! " - &NAME , how did you guess I would n't be going down the bar this evening ... No , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME &NAME and &NAME are having dinner with us all at &NAME &CHAR from about &NUM : &NUM ( would have invited you and &NAME , but we ca n't make it any later - sorry &SMILEY and hope you do n't mind ) . Have a nice day ! &NAME SUBJECT: pesky me agan &NAME , hate to be a pest , but I have just remembered that &NAME said banoffi pie is on the menu . I really do n't like it ... is there any chance we get to choose something else ( chocolate cake or &NAME for example ? &SMILEY ) on the night or is it a set menu ? should have mentioned this earlier , but as I just remembered I thought I 'd mention it as it 's an expensive meal and I want to be able to eat all I 've paid for &SMILEY do n't worry if we ca n't do anything now . take care &NAME and see you and lovely &NAME soon , &CHAR &SMILEY STOP MORE &NAME with the new &NAME &NUM and get &NUM months FREE * &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : pesky me again Hi &NAME , Sorry , but it is a set menu and ca n't be changed . It would cost much much more if everyone got to choose whatever they wanted to eat . If you like you can pay me &NUM or &NUM pounds less . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , hate to be a pest , but I have just remembered that &NAME said banoffi pie is on the menu . I really do n't like it ... is there any chance we get to choose something else ( chocolate cake or &NAME for example ? &SMILEY ) on the night or is it a set menu ? should have mentioned this earlier , but as I just remembered I thought I 'd mention it as it 's an expensive meal and I want to be able to eat all I 've paid for &SMILEY do n't worry if we ca n't do anything now . take care &NAME and see you and lovely &NAME soon , R &SMILEY STOP MORE &NAME with the new &NAME &NUM and get &NUM months FREE * &WEBSITE SUBJECT: a reply to a reply ( this could get complicated ) Hi &NAME , * * hey &NAME , how 's it going ? Yes , sadly Please never start emails to me like that again . I thought someone had died , or was in hospital or something . Seriously . * * if you 're being serious- and I can never tell- I 'm sorry . this is another generalised email to clog your inbox and generally annoy you by not being personalised in any way . Would I be being very sad to admit that it 's actually the first email I 've received since leaving &NAME ? I thought so . * * no. it 's the first I 've recieved , and that 's only because I 'm accidentally on my own mailing list . and incidentally , do &NAME and &NAME never check their email ? ( for all the comp boffs that they are ... ) the sight of talking chickens amused me &NAME ! That 's a healthy sign . Now tell me , what do you think of singing sheep ? &NAME ! We 'll get along like a house on fire next year ! * * hmmm . house+fire usually damaged clothes . not convinced . I 'm sorry I do n't have anything more interesting to say So am &NAME * * err ... I am again ? Hopefully something disastrous will happen in the next few weeks so you wo n't all have to read these dull emails . Thanks for the quote . I hope you 're all well ... to those of you lucky enough to be jaunting off to foreign places , send me a postcard . Yes , I 'm well . Just a little bored . Yes , I 'll send a postcard . So , do you like chicken ? As a food , I mean . I see . &NAME . Me too . Yes , well , most people say that , do n't they ! &NAME . This is a great conversation . I agree with everything you say ! &NAME may it continue . You may be interested , but probably wo n't be , to know that I am practising cooking for the flat . No disasters yet , as such . Now , would you like me to paint your room bright pink with green dots , or black with blue and white interlacing octagons , when I 'm down at the flat in a few weeks time ? I thought so . See you . I have run out of words to write down , as I 've just written &NUM in an email to someone else . &NAME [ in ] * * hmmm . the interlacing octagons sound ... interesting . have fun . and then I 'll have fun slowly torturing you to death if you 've messed up my room in any way at all . you see , I want it plain white so that the mess shows up nice and clearly against the walls ... just kidding . glad to hear about the cooking ; now there 's &NUM of us who can cook ( do n't trust &NAME and &NAME 's cooking , do n't trust &NAME 's methods of cooking , tend to be of the " what 's this ? how interesting ! I 'll put that in , then " variety ) . have signed up with several job agencies in desperate search of work . the grimace that they all give when I reply " I 'm studying english lit " does not give me confidence for post-uni time and reinforces the message behind that joke " what do you say to an arts graduate ? big &NAME and fries please " . my sister ( &NAME [ toria ] ) is moping about the house after her a levels saying " I 'll never get to &NAME with the amount of revision I 've done " . unfortunately this is probably true , and she 'll end up at &NAME 's ( her 2nd choice ) . &NAME ! woe , woe , thrice woe . but smile because &NAME loves you ! until we email again , au revoir ! love &NAME ps thanks again for doing those photos for me . I REALLY appreciate it . Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE &NAME , &NAME you are well and that kids camp is going / went well . I am quite surprisingly unbored , despite the fact that I still have no job and &NAME of my best friends have gone away for the rest of the summer . I seem to have a lot to do , and even though I 've given my name to countless places ( I do feel like I 've been a bit of a job prostitute ) , &NUM wants me . Everywhere else in the country seems to want employees , why does n't &NAME ? I am becoming increasingly desperate . I have lost lots of weight since I got to &NAME ( one of the first things my Dad always says to me is " Have n't you lost weight ? ! " . We are a bit obsessed in this house , my Mum is stick thin and does lots of exercise , my sister disappears behind lampposts , my Dad wants to lose weight [ thats what my Mum tells him , anyway ] , and then there 's me ... ) . So , anyway , I felt that I 'd lost enough to wear a bikini , so little &NAME and I went bikini shopping , I have a pale blue thing , it is not worth &NUM quid for that little material , and I think I 'll take it back anyway because when will I EVER EVER wear a bikini in &NAME ? ! It 's not exactly &NAME , is it ? So that 's my bikini story , sorry , you 're probably either embarrassed , disgusted or bored , but I have very little else to tell you , due to the dullness of &NAME and the fact that being boring is genetic ... you should meet my parents ... kidding . We had the church youth group over for a &NAME on Sunday , they are a noisy , rowdy lot and I escaped to my room with a book . I am going into &NAME tomorrow to get some sandals from &NAME , even though I ca n't afford them . I am a bit depressed because it looks like I 'll have to get a proper loan next year ( ! ! ! ) , so I am very anti-Labour at the moment . I am actually seriously thinking about going to see my &NAME ; to protest about tution fees and to give me something to do . He would be glad to see me , I 'm sure . It would make a nice change from all those old ladies moaning about water rates , anyway ( not that water rates are n't important at all ) . My sister 's 18th is soon and she is having a murder mystery party on Saturday . I am novelist and I get to wear a blonde wig . I have always wanted to be blonde ! ( to give me an excuse for behaving the way I do , you know ... ) . What can I give her for her present ( given my present cash flow situation and lack of imagination ) ? I sat out in the sun today and got a bit sunburnt ; I must go and apply moisturiser . Love &NAME xx Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: blonde young men with a penchant for bleach ... From : &EMAIL To : ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Blonde old ladies with water rates &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , Yes , I 'm well . I 've just returned from my camp . It was fantastic , although I am absolutely totally exhausted . I only got &NUM hours of sleep per night for the week . Sleeping in a dormitory with &NUM hyperactive unnaturally energetic ten-year old kids has many disadvantages . However , I really enjoyed it all and the weather was perfectly splendid . I knew a few people before I got there and knew a lot more by the time I left . By the way , have you ever seen a video series called &NAME &NAME ? We watched it a lot at camp . I was in &NAME &NAME yesterday ( not to see the golf , but to get a kettle ) and it was totally packed because of the Open . * * yes heard of veggie tales . nearly as entertaining as &NAME potter- just read the latest installment- glad you had a good time at camp . So that 's my bikini story , sorry , you 're probably either embarrassed , disgusted or bored Yes . * * sorry . My sister disappears behind lampposts How curious . A trick I 've always wanted to master . I have always wanted to be blonde ! So have &NAME When my hair is exposed to sunlight it becomes slightly more blonde . * * that explains so much , &CHAR , &NAME , if only you knew ... Well , I 'm going down to &NAME on Wednesday to see the flat , buy textbooks , shop , check e-mail , visit some banks , etc. So , I shall e-mail and tell you how many holes there are in your bedroom wall , how many stains on the carpet , how many scratches on the coffee table etc. on Wednesday evening . * * hmmm . by the way , parents have said that they 'll buy us lots and lots of dried stuff ( ithink they mean like spices and stuff ) , which is not as helpful as plates , but is still quite nice . I guess we really should have divided stuff up before we left but hey . I am a bit depressed seriously thinking about going to see my &NAME old ladies moaning about water rates get to wear a blonde wig ! I must go and apply moisturiser . Quite . I could n't agree more . Have you ever heard of &NAME ? Just wondering . * * unfortunately yes . Anyway , I 'm getting forms and the like filled in as I am leaving for a &NUM week holiday in &NAME on Saturday . I am looking forward to it all except the heat , the flight and the language difficulties . I only speak Scottish and English . Oh well ! It will be an experience I am sure ! * * O my word , how jealous am I ? ? you lucky thing ... the furthest I 've been this holiday is &NAME to visit my great aunt . hmm . See you , &NAME &NAME &NAME IS &NAME to us Scots ! &NAME I do not know what you could give your sister for her birthday . Perhaps a * * thanks . thanks a lot . Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : &NAME ( &CHAR ) ? dear &NAME , there is no audible anto . she is my other being and does not talk . she answers to nothing but &NAME or &NAME . hope switz was good and that you brought me back loads of choc . love &NAME xx I have a job . it is fairly disreputable but at least I am not a teacher . ps I know all about &NAME and frankly these sick perversions disgust me . From : &EMAIL To : ( &EMAIL ) Subject : &NAME ( &CHAR ) ? &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , Do you mind being called &NAME ? It 's just there 's &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME is there an &NAME ? Anyway , as I said , I went down to see the flat yesterday . I had a great day and saw &NAME too . I think the bedrooms all need a coat of paint . The rest of the flat is optional . We have acquired ( do n't ask me how ! ) an ironing board and a TV table which are not in the official inventory . There were no letters for you in the post box . Have we decided finally on bedroom allocation ? If it 's what I think it is then your room smells of smoke . No , I have n't been careless with those matches House + fire usually damaged clothes etc It 's cigarette smoke . Most of the curtains do n't match . In the living area there are &NUM darkish blue two-seater settees . The fridge has a minor defect . We have a telephone socket ! ! ! It 's in the hall and there is a telephone ( extremely old , disgusting , dirty , unhygienic , will be disposed of as soon as I remember the rubber gloves type ) but the line is not connected . The little intercom system with the front door is fun ! &NAME and I played around with it for a while . We need air freshener musty smell in most areas . No bed linen , duvets , pillows etc. are provided . There are no headboards on the beds , which are thick metal and extremely ugly I 'll be bringing a valance . The toilet makes a noise like an aeroplane taking off . ( At least it 's not an elephant trumpeting this year ! ) The windows are quite nice . There is a cool little spy- hole in the flat door &NAME and I played with that too . The flat address is ; &NAME &CHAR , &NAME &NAME 's &NAME , &NAME , &NAME 4DS . The electricity works by a meter . There is an electronic key which must be taken down to a power shop and recharged in return for money . There is £ &NUM left in our meter . Most flats use £ &NUM per week , so we 're rather lucky . We also went to College in search of &NAME 's shirts . Outside his room is basically a builder 's yard ! The floors are up , etc Unfortunately we could n't find the shirts , but they may be in a lock-up so do n't give up hope yet ! I also went to the &NAME bank and enquired about flat accounts . &NAME . We shall need to discuss that nearer the time . Basically we need &NUM other person to operate it . Anyway , I 'm off on holiday early Saturday morning . E-mail silence for nearly &NUM weeks how awful ! Hope your are having some luck finding a job . Hope your family is well . Will hear from you soon hopefully . &NAME &NAME &NAME what do you know about &NAME ? Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : Your disreputable occupation dear &NAME , comp not really working , will reply longer when it is sorry love &NAME thanks for pc , very nice , glad to hear your views on &NAME &NAME From : &EMAIL To : ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Your disreputable occupation Date : Wed , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , I have a job . It is fairly disreputable but at least I am not a teacher . My goodness ! ! ! You 're working behind a bar ! ! ! How disreputable ! How could you ? ? ? I 'd rather be a teacher but not in &NAME , considering the exam mess . Actually , not in &NAME either , considering the pupils . Well , my holiday was great I sent you a postcard . The chocolate Well , lets just say I do n't like chocolate . ( &NAME , horror , he does n't deserve to live ! ) Actually , I brought back the knowledge of how to make a French chocolate cake . Is n't that enough ? ? ? I have also acquired some French and Swiss recipes , with a prolific use of garlic in them . I know all about &NAME and frankly these sick perversions disgust me . Are you bluffing ? I read this in &NAME airport and became very worried very quickly . If you really do know about &NAME , then you must inevitably consider yourself one of the glorious elect . If not , then you must feel very insecure and be trying to cover up your lack of knowledge by ridicule and blasphemy . We shall find out . We have the ways . ( We is me , by the way ) &NAME this is a short e-mail , but I 'm developing my holiday photos . &NAME will inevitably follow as I have n't found a job yet sort of . Best wishes , &NAME Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : Answers to your questions I admire your leadership skills is the point iw as making . I am glad to be wrong about the electricity . I will ask my mother what she will bu us from the list love &NAME From : &EMAIL To : ( &EMAIL ) Subject : Answers to your questions &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , In response to your e-mail If you and &NAME arrive on Monday the 25th you will be arriving roughly the same day as &NAME . Personal keys are obtained from the &NAME &NAME &NAME . I have the post key at the minute but it will be hanging in the flat eventually . Telephone bills are itemised . It will be a small feat to divide them up fairly . The line rental can be divided directly by &NUM though does that sound okay ? I agree with not too much rice ! £ &NUM per month for electricity ! ! ! ! ! ! Where on earth did you read that ! I might have made a typing error , but I ca n't find any records of it . Electricity is £ &NUM per month . Much more reasonable ! Glad to hear you love dettol . I do too . Please make your views known to the collective was for &NAME and &NAME 's benefit it 's from &NAME &NAME . &NAME . We guys are not weight-obsessed , the weighing scales were cooking weighing scales , for baking cakes etc. ( &NAME and I need this ) The addition of every piece of punctuation was only vaguely amusing . What ? I did n't add up punctuation ! If you 're talking about the word count then that was merely factual . It was not intended to be amusing . I am not rapidly emerging as leader in chief , I am merely trying to be helpfully organising . If it is not working then please inform me and I shall be quiet . The co-ordinates were a joke , but thanks for praying for us . Best wishes , &NAME If at first you do n't succeed skydiving is not for you &NAME If you want to buy / bring things ( which would be great ! ) then choose what you wish from this list : &NAME set of bowls , &NAME dishes , Cushions for living area , &NAME peeler , &NAME &NAME , &NAME ( including a large one for the living area ) , &NAME , Set of saucepans , &NAME &NAME , Water set ( glasses etc. ) , Cooking Weighing Scales . Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . Share information about yourself , create your own public profile at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: I Reply ... Hi &NAME , Yes , sadly Please never start emails to me like that again . I thought someone had died , or was in hospital or something . Seriously . this is another generalised email to clog your inbox and generally annoy you by not being personalised in any way . Would I be being very sad to admit that it 's actually the first email I 've received since leaving &NAME ? I thought so . the sight of talking chickens amused me &NAME ! That 's a healthy sign . Now tell me , what do you think of singing sheep ? &NAME ! We 'll get along like a house on fire next year ! I 'm sorry I do n't have anything more interesting to say So am &NAME Hopefully something disastrous will happen in the next few weeks so you wo n't all have to read these dull emails . Thanks for the quote . I hope you 're all well ... to those of you lucky enough to be jaunting off to foreign places , send me a postcard . Yes , I 'm well . Just a little bored . Yes , I 'll send a postcard . So , do you like chicken ? As a food , I mean . I see . &NAME . Me too . Yes , well , most people say that , do n't they ! &NAME . This is a great conversation . I agree with everything you say ! &NAME may it continue . You may be interested , but probably wo n't be , to know that I am practising cooking for the flat . No disasters yet , as such . Now , would you like me to paint your room bright pink with green dots , or black with blue and white interlacing octagons , when I 'm down at the flat in a few weeks time ? I thought so . See you . I have run out of words to write down , as I 've just written &NUM in an email to someone else . &NAME [ in ] SUBJECT: A reply to the power of &NUM Hi &NAME , In connection with the subject field are n't numbers SO much easier than words ? What , you disagree ? How curious ! Anyway , with regards to the question of whether or not &NAME and &NAME check their e-mail , I do not know about &NAME . &CHAR I mailed him &NUM days ago and have not yet received a reply . ( WAIT I 'VE JUST &NAME &NUM ! DATED &NUM / &NUM / &NUM , &NUM : 36PM ) However , &NAME 's email address ( &NAME etc. ) is actually his Dad 's, so the question is whether his Dad actually checks his email , and what does he find ? ! * * Hmmm. &NAME + fire usually damaged clothes . Not convinced . Clothes ! What about damaged skin ? Damaged computer disks ? Come to think of it , damaged domestos ? ? ? You really need to straighten out your priorities ! Do n't trust &NAME 's methods of cooking , they tend to be of the " What 's this ? How interesting ! I 'll put that in , then " variety . That made me laugh a lot . Thank you . ( I 'm being serious ) . I have n't got a job either , although I 'm not looking yet . However , my mum is , so there is always hope . she 'll end up at &NAME 's ( her 2nd choice ) . &NAME ! Woe , woe , thrice woe . ? ? ? I do not understand . Do you not wish to see your sibling safely established in &NAME 's? Thanks again for doing those photos for me . That 's quite alright . I enjoyed it . I could n't stop laughing when I was developing the one of you and &NAME . ( You know , the one where you look about &NUM years old . ) It is classically amusing . So much so that I took the liberty of enlarging a copy of it for myself . Well , this morning I 've been filling holes in wood with wood filler , while listening to Shine , &NAME , &NAME . A lovely monotonous job . This afternoon I 'm going on a trip to a garden centre , after which I shall return to prepare dinner . I intend to do something with chicken this evening ( for the meal ) . It is now this evening . The something with chicken was a success . I am going to be a leader at an Scripture &NAME camp in a weeks time . This morning I discovered that someone from &NAME 's is going on the very same camp ! Not only that , but she was in my bible study group last year ! &NAME ! The weather here is abysmal rain at &NUM degrees , &NUM degrees and &NUM degrees . That 's the inclination of the droplets not the temperature . Writing of temperature , I 'm noticing how chilly it is up here compared to &NAME . Totally out of the blue , do n't you think &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME is simply delirious ? I 'm listening to it at this moment in time . &NAME and utter joy perhaps even eclipsing water ! Well , since I 've started talking of water again , I shall stop . It is my self-regulating signal that I have nothing of any further interest to say . So , adieu , until we email again . &NAME ( &NAME is &NAME ! ) P.S. You never told me what you thought of the singing sheep ? I really would value your opinions for my customer survey aimed to correlate the market value of my singing sheep business to a similar one concerned with ducks . &NAME . SUBJECT: Blonde old ladies with water rates Hi &NAME , Yes , I 'm well . I 've just returned from my camp . It was fantastic , although I am absolutely totally exhausted . I only got &NUM hours of sleep per night for the week . Sleeping in a dormitory with &NUM hyperactive unnaturally energetic ten-year old kids has many disadvantages . However , I really enjoyed it all and the weather was perfectly splendid . I knew a few people before I got there and knew a lot more by the time I left . By the way , have you ever seen a video series called &NAME &NAME ? We watched it a lot at camp . I was in &NAME &NAME yesterday ( not to see the golf , but to get a kettle ) and it was totally packed because of the Open . So that 's my bikini story , sorry , you 're probably either embarrassed , disgusted or bored Yes . My sister disappears behind lampposts How curious . A trick I 've always wanted to master . I have always wanted to be blonde ! So have &NAME When my hair is exposed to sunlight it becomes slightly more blonde . Well , I 'm going down to &NAME on Wednesday to see the flat , buy textbooks , shop , check e-mail , visit some banks , etc. So , I shall e-mail and tell you how many holes there are in your bedroom wall , how many stains on the carpet , how many scratches on the coffee table etc. on Wednesday evening . I am a bit depressed seriously thinking about going to see my &NAME old ladies moaning about water rates get to wear a blonde wig ! I must go and apply moisturiser . Quite . I could n't agree more . Have you ever heard of &NAME ? Just wondering . Anyway , I 'm getting forms and the like filled in as I am leaving for a &NUM week holiday in &NAME on Saturday . I am looking forward to it all except the heat , the flight and the language difficulties . I only speak Scottish and English . Oh well ! It will be an experience I am sure ! See you , &NAME &NAME &NAME IS &NAME to us Scots ! &NAME I do not know what you could give your sister for her birthday . Perhaps a SUBJECT: &NAME ( &CHAR ) ? Hi &NAME , Do you mind being called &NAME ? It 's just there 's &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME is there an &NAME ? Anyway , as I said , I went down to see the flat yesterday . I had a great day and saw &NAME too . I think the bedrooms all need a coat of paint . The rest of the flat is optional . We have acquired ( do n't ask me how ! ) an ironing board and a TV table which are not in the official inventory . There were no letters for you in the post box . Have we decided finally on bedroom allocation ? If it 's what I think it is then your room smells of smoke . No , I have n't been careless with those matches House + fire usually damaged clothes etc It 's cigarette smoke . Most of the curtains do n't match . In the living area there are &NUM darkish blue two-seater settees . The fridge has a minor defect . We have a telephone socket ! ! ! It 's in the hall and there is a telephone ( extremely old , disgusting , dirty , unhygienic , will be disposed of as soon as I remember the rubber gloves type ) but the line is not connected . The little intercom system with the front door is fun ! &NAME and I played around with it for a while . We need air freshener musty smell in most areas . No bed linen , duvets , pillows etc. are provided . There are no headboards on the beds , which are thick metal and extremely ugly I 'll be bringing a valance . The toilet makes a noise like an aeroplane taking off . ( At least it 's not an elephant trumpeting this year ! ) The windows are quite nice . There is a cool little spy- hole in the flat door &NAME and I played with that too . The flat address is ; &NAME &CHAR , &NAME &NAME 's &NAME , &NAME , &NAME &NUM . The electricity works by a meter . There is an electronic key which must be taken down to a power shop and recharged in return for money . There is £ &NUM left in our meter . Most flats use £ &NUM per week , so we 're rather lucky . We also went to College in search of &NAME 's shirts . Outside his room is basically a builder 's yard ! The floors are up , etc Unfortunately we could n't find the shirts , but they may be in a lock-up so do n't give up hope yet ! I also went to the NatWest bank and enquired about flat accounts . &NAME . We shall need to discuss that nearer the time . Basically we need &NUM other person to operate it . Anyway , I 'm off on holiday early Saturday morning . E-mail silence for nearly &NUM weeks how awful ! Hope your are having some luck finding a job . Hope your family is well . Will hear from you soon hopefully . &NAME &NAME &NAME what do you know about &NAME ? SUBJECT: Your disreputable occupation Hi &NAME , I have a job . It is fairly disreputable but at least I am not a teacher . My goodness ! ! ! You 're working behind a bar ! ! ! How disreputable ! How could you ? ? ? I 'd rather be a teacher but not in &NAME , considering the exam mess . Actually , not in &NAME either , considering the pupils . Well , my holiday was great I sent you a postcard . The chocolate Well , lets just say I do n't like chocolate . ( &NAME , horror , he does n't deserve to live ! ) Actually , I brought back the knowledge of how to make a French chocolate cake . Is n't that enough ? ? ? I have also acquired some French and Swiss recipes , with a prolific use of garlic in them . I know all about &NAME and frankly these sick perversions disgust me . Are you bluffing ? I read this in &NAME airport and became very worried very quickly . If you really do know about &NAME , then you must inevitably consider yourself one of the glorious elect . If not , then you must feel very insecure and be trying to cover up your lack of knowledge by ridicule and blasphemy . We shall find out . We have the ways . ( We is me , by the way ) &NAME this is a short e-mail , but I 'm developing my holiday photos . &NAME will inevitably follow as I have n't found a job yet sort of . Best wishes , &NAME SUBJECT: Answers to your questions Hi &NAME , In response to your e-mail If you and &NAME arrive on Monday the 25th you will be arriving roughly the same day as &NAME . Personal keys are obtained from the &NAME &NAME &NAME . I have the post key at the minute but it will be hanging in the flat eventually . Telephone bills are itemised . It will be a small feat to divide them up fairly . The line rental can be divided directly by &NUM though does that sound okay ? I agree with not too much rice ! £ &NUM per month for electricity ! ! ! ! ! ! Where on earth did you read that ! I might have made a typing error , but I ca n't find any records of it . Electricity is £ &NUM per month . Much more reasonable ! Glad to hear you love dettol . I do too . Please make your views known to the collective was for &NAME and &NAME 's benefit it 's from &NAME &NAME . &NAME . We guys are not weight-obsessed , the weighing scales were cooking weighing scales , for baking cakes etc. ( &NAME and I need this ) The addition of every piece of punctuation was only vaguely amusing . What ? I did n't add up punctuation ! If you 're talking about the word count then that was merely factual . It was not intended to be amusing . I am not rapidly emerging as leader in chief , I am merely trying to be helpfully organising . If it is not working then please inform me and I shall be quiet . The co-ordinates were a joke , but thanks for praying for us . Best wishes , &NAME If at first you do n't succeed skydiving is not for you &NAME If you want to buy / bring things ( which would be great ! ) then choose what you wish from this list : &NAME set of bowls , &NAME dishes , Cushions for living area , &NAME peeler , &NAME &NAME , &NAME ( including a large one for the living area ) , &NAME , Set of saucepans , &NAME &NAME , Water set ( glasses etc. ) , Cooking Weighing Scales . SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME , Hi . It was great to see you and everyone else in &NAME . Now , thanks for your e-mail regarding money . I agree that we ought to begin with £ &NUM each in the account and take it from there . Also , yes , I do want to get fat . Unfortunately it never works . Oh well , some people would n't be complaining . By the way , would you mind sending me a copy of that list of items which you were hurriedly scribbling down at our flat meeting ? Also , do you know when all the flat birthdays are ? Incidentally , we never got around to discussing prayer and bible study as an integral part of flat life . Perhaps we should ? Am I correct in assuming that we are taking the following rooms ? &NUM &NAME , &NUM &NAME , &NUM &NAME , &NUM &NAME , &NUM &NAME . If not , please tell me . I am able to bring &NUM pull-cords for the lights in the bathroom and toilet . I hope this is agreeable . The current &NUM are forbidden by department of environmental health legislation . And no , before you ask , I did n't check . Oh , I am looking forward to living in this flat . Do you have any ideas for the name which should appear on our cheque book ? ( It 's top priority decisions like these which we need to sort out immediately . ) Did we definitely decide the stuffed moose 's head was impossible ? I think it would look imposing . Please write me an interesting reply . Thanks , &NAME &NAME I have absolutely no desire to become the youngest ever chief executive of &NAME Inc. I am a chemist . SUBJECT: [ Fwd : Re : ( no subject ) ] In the interests of food , of course I willsend you your looks . here is the definitive list : &NUM ) the " I am soooo irritated I will constantly frown and grit my teeth in a menacing fashion do n't you dare come within &NUM metres of me or I will rip your tongue out with my bare hands because the world is full of PEOPLE who ANNOY me . Do I need any other excuse ? " &NUM ) the " I will nod my head at you slowly and draw my eyebrows together sardonically and smile really patronisingly because I am so infinitely superior to you , a lowly mortal , bow to the goddess " &NUM ) the " if you will put your hand on my forhead I guess I haev no chance but to move forward in a rather scray but very very funny manner while emitting noises like a cow in labour " &NUM ) the " if you will come and interrupt me while I am reading pride and pred / watching neighbours / doing anything , actually , then you ca n't really expect me to come and help you with a good grace . Or any grace at all , not forgetting the loud sighs , eye rolling and death stare . Be afraid , be very very afraid . " &NUM ) the " I know you 're trying to have a serious argument with me but quite frankly , you are so ludicrous that every time you say anything I just dissolve into hysterical giggles . Oh , I know how infuriated it makes you , that 's exactly why I do it , person of limited intelligence " &NUM ) the " I know you 're trying to have a conversation with me , but to be honest , I 'm only standing here listening to you until someone more interesting comes along which is why I keep glancing over your shoulder adn making small noises which sound a lot like " hmmm " . " that 's all , folks . love &NAME xxxxxxxxxxx SUBJECT: A reply to a postcard from &NAME Dear &NAME , Hi . I hope you 're enjoying living in the flat . I was just replying to a letter when I noticed the postcard you sent me from &NAME . Therefore , here are some words connected with it &NUM ) Who exactly did you address the postcard too ? It looks something like &NAME for the Scottish ? Party . What is the ? word which I cannot read ? It is driving me crazy . &NUM ) You remarked on the length of my address . Well , you have actually merged my last &NUM addresses together hence the length ! My actual address is only &NUM lines long not &NUM ! &NUM ) I have been left bitter and startled at the lack of gratitude from the natives at the civilisation of your country by ours . - &NAME ! Your still alive , and therefore fortunate ! &NAME ! You 've got to be joking ? ! &NUM ) I am , at present , on kilt-watch . - Yes , that 's why most English people go to &NAME . &NUM ) I hope you have begun to sort the accounts out I am relying on you . &NAME - &NAME ! Why the truly ? Well , as you already know , yes I have . &NUM ) Now , about this ( non-existent ) television licence . Do you think the TV licensing agency will mind us having a TV and no licence ? I do so hope they do n't fine us £ &NUM or something , as I have n't budgeted for that . Have you ? Anyway , &NAME suggested I write to the TV licensing agency and inform them of our situation . This I will do with all due haste and fervour . Well , I 'd better go and eat something . The weather here is lovely clouds scudding across a light blue airy sky . See you on Saturday at midday . Bye , &NAME [ in] [ o] [ whatever really ] When you do n't know what to do walk fast and look worried SUBJECT: ( for &NAME ) Well , well , it 's that time of year again , when the hotmail accounts start once more . &NAME mine is the first &NAME email you receive to your &NAME account , hope you all have a great Christmas , hope that I keep to my promise that this is the only circular I will send . Much love to you all for a jolly time this Christmas , love &NAME &NAME , email me . I like it . Get more from the Web . FREE &NAME Explorer download : &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Hi &NAME Dear &NAME , Thank you so much for your little note . It was really nice . &NAME , I am not so intuitive as you may have assumed ! &NAME told me you liked that kind of thing . However , I am glad I asked her advice , as I have now found a shop in &NAME that I really like - unfortunately they do n't take switch . At least I think I like it , and I shall be going back there later this afternoon to search for Christmas presents to give to my family . I do n't understand why you apologised for saying " thanks for being so sweet " ! I do n't mind . I will e-mail you a lot , and I hope you do too . However , when I look over some of the e-mails I sent you last summer I can scarcely believe I actually sent them ! Anyway , this is not a very amusing e-mail . &NAME shall surely follow . Also , I have an idea for an interesting piece of photo-art which I may well conjure up over the holidays . ( It does not - unless you want it to - contain your picture , but it may well be quite amusing for anyone who knows &NAME . ) Well , I hope you 're enjoying being at home and do n't miss &NAME too much . I know I probably will . See you next term . &NAME &NAME I have just watched " Airplane " ! It 's absolutely ridiculous ! ! ! Yes , some of it was extremely amusing , hilarious infact . Other parts were not as interesting . However , thanks awfully for leaving it for me to watch. ( ! ) SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME dearest sweetiepie , I prefer to assume you are intutive . there must be &NUM member of the male species who is . airplane is a good film there are more in that genre . we will rent them next term . my family liked the idea of my x/mas presents , and my dad found the whole tim-giving-us-photos-hed-taken-himslef thing quite amusing . my dada can relate to that . bored , watching lots of trashy tv . what you up to ? do n't do anything I would n't do ... love &NAME From : &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &EMAIL Subject : Hi &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear &NAME , Thank you so much for your little note . It was really nice . &NAME , I am not so intuitive as you may have assumed ! &NAME told me you liked that kind of thing . However , I am glad I asked her advice , as I have now found a shop in &NAME that I really like - unfortunately they do n't take switch . At least I think I like it , and I shall be going back there later this afternoon to search for Christmas presents to give to my family . I do n't understand why you apologised for saying " thanks for being so sweet " ! I do n't mind . I will e-mail you a lot , and I hope you do too . However , when I look over some of the e-mails I sent you last summer I can scarcely believe I actually sent them ! Anyway , this is not a very amusing e-mail . &NAME shall surely follow . Also , I have an idea for an interesting piece of photo-art which I may well conjure up over the holidays . ( It does not - unless you want it to - contain your picture , but it may well be quite amusing for anyone who knows &NAME . ) Well , I hope you 're enjoying being at home and do n't miss &NAME too much . I know I probably will . See you next term . &NAME &NAME I have just watched " Airplane " ! It 's absolutely ridiculous ! ! ! Yes , some of it was extremely amusing , hilarious infact . Other parts were not as interesting . However , thanks awfully for leaving it for me to watch. ( ! ) Get more from the Web . FREE &NAME Explorer download : &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : Hi yes do you want to chat in a chatroom ? that would be fun &NAME xx From : &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &EMAIL Subject : Hi &NAME : Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , Are you still online ? ? ? &NAME Get more from the Web . FREE &NAME Explorer download : &WEBSITE SUBJECT: the &NAME reigns strong ... &NAME , We must arrange a time when both of us are free so that we can chat . I wo n't ring you - I do n't want to scare you or traumatise any of your family , but it would be nice to talk to you . I am free tomorrow at &NAME , if that 's any help . I start work at the &NAME tomorrow , at 6am ! ! ! ! This means that next term , I shall require a lot of peace in the mornings so that I can catch up on lost sleep . Be warned . Of course I am human . Of course you are a different species from me ... look at the differences in how our genders behave- how can we be the same race ? &NAME ... I too am watching a lot of trash TV . It begins at &NUM , with Midday money on &NAME , where fantastically stupid people are rewarded for the ineptness ( " What 's &NUM ? " ' &NUM ? " ' Try si ... si ... " &NAME ? " ' No. .. have another go " ' &NUM ? " ' That 's close enough , we 'll give it to you " ) . Then there 's Doctors at &NUM , fun with death and &NAME accents ... watch it- all the common patients have broad &NAME &NAME accents ; all the professional doctors are posh . &NAME is alive and well ... then a break till Neighbours and then ... da da da da daaaaaa ... &NAME &NAME , the best programme on TV at present . I am not paying &NAME &CHAR any money . I hope that you enjoy skiing ... &CHAR , I wish I was coming ! I heard about the lavatory from the boys , but not until after it had happened . &NAME in the milk will be a good one for next term . " whilst &NAME was engaged in polite conversation with &NAME " * * &NAME , in POLITE conversation ? 'Do n't disappoint my &NAME . " * * I like being called " your &NAME " ... I am not going to plot to kill you . Why would I make it that easy for you ? I 'm going to do something akin to Chinese water torture ... heh , heh , heh ... This is quite a long email . I 'm going to go and phone &NAME . Till tomorrow at &NUM ? Love , &NAME xx Get more from the Web . FREE &NAME Explorer download : &WEBSITE right , &NAME , tomorrow . I 'll set up a chatroom on microsoft ... go into msn , ithink , , , actually , you set up a chat room called &NAME something , something inventive with &NAME in it , and i 'll find you . but email me sixish if there are any problems , I 'll keep checking my inbox . love &NAME Get more from the Web . FREE &NAME Explorer download : &WEBSITE &NAME have created a room called marshallbees , try and find it if not email me &NAME x Get more from the Web . FREE &NAME Explorer download : &WEBSITE guys , go to msn , then find a chatroom called marshallbees at 8pm ( it 's changed from 6pm ) on sunday and we can all talk . maybe . do n't worry if not . love &NAME ( and &NAME ) Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Hi Hi &NAME , Are you still online ? ? ? &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME , &NAME , sorry I did n't receive your latest e-mail until now . I guess I missed chatting in a chatroom . That 's a shame as it would have been great fun ! Thanks for your e-mail ! Very well , I relent You may assume I am intuitive ! However , I must point out that being male does not place me in a separate species from you . You see , I actually believe that you , too , are human . Please return this courtesy . " Airplane is a good film there are more in that genre . We will rent them next term . - My incredulity abounds . &NAME , yes I agree that Airplane is a good film ( generally ) but are there really more of the same genre ? That seems slightly far-fetched . Anyway , I would take great pleasure in renting similar videos next term . May I say that I found the opening scene absolutely hilarious , when the aeroplane was likened to a shark . Fantastically funny ! What do you mean by saying that your family liked the idea of your Christmas presents ? Are you trying to tell me they thought it was a lovely idea we all sent presents to each other , or am I getting a completely wrong idea ? 'my dad found the whole Tim-giving-us-photos-he'd-taken-himself thing quite amusing . My dad can relate to that . - Yes It was extremely nice to receive those presents from &NAME . He is extremely clever / economical . Do n't you think ? I can see why your dad might find the idea amusing . I rather think my family did too although they cannot relate to it . " Bored , watching lots of trashy TV . What you up to ? Do n't do anything I would n't do - Yes , I 'm a little bored too . It is quite lonely being at home all day with nobody to talk too except oneself and the fridge . The unpleasant idea of chemistry textbooks looming over the rest of the day is slightly depressing . What on earth can you be watching on television ? I can find nothing of much interest save " Friends on Friday evening and &NAME &NAME tomorrow . Well , I 'm trying to study as much as I can psychologically cope with , but I 'm going to be working in my dad 's bookshop on Wednesday and Friday this week . That should give me a welcome break from the hallowed halls of chemistry . I 'm going to be spending the New Year up in the Scottish Highlands &NAME , and may possibly be going skiing . Last time I skied I fell over . I was about &NUM . I did n't much care for it and have never been back since . I hope I do n't fall down this time as it would be infinitely more embarrassing ! Anyway , I am also looking forward to going on the internet much more as we are changing our &NAME to one which provides a totally free service . Incidentally , are you aware of the fact that we may quite well owe &NAME &CHAR £ &NUM at the beginning of next term ? &CHAR is quite disastrous really As you ought to have been aware , I began defrosting our freezer the morning you left &NAME ! ! ! ( Just kidding although watching ice melt is incredibly more exciting than the paint drying process . ) Anyway , back to the story Well , I asked &NAME downstairs if we could store our freezer contents in their freezer . She said absolutely not , promptly pulled out a revolver , and shot me right between the eyes I 'm now dead . No ! Really &NAME , you should n't believe such fantastically unrealistic tales ! Dear , dear , dear ! You 're just so gullible ! ( Just kidding ! ) Anyway , she said certainly we could , so we did . Now , that was at about 11am and the freezer did n't finish defrosting until &NAME . ( Mainly because I never bothered to turn it off whilst leaving the door open and placing large bowls of hot water inside it ! ) When I finally got around to retrieving our frozen food , &NAME had gone home ! So had &NAME ! &NAME I was deserted ! ! ! I was in dire straits , so I Well , I wonder , what could I have ( feasibly ) done ? Most likely nothing , but you may imagine something ridiculous if you like . &NAME suggested I promptly said " Oh bother ? ? ? and tripped over my own feet . I think that 's a little harsh . So , &NAME &CHAR now has about &NUM kilos of our frozen chips , along with multiple loaves of bread ! The real trouble ( yes , seriously ! ) is that &NAME happened to mention the fee for storage in their freezer was £ &NUM per hour . This did not concern be greatly as I assumed she was joking , and even if she had turned out to be serious , it would only have cost us about £ &NUM . However , now that we are utilising her storage facilities over Christmas , it would cost our flat £ &NUM . This would lower our flat bank account balance by about &NUM - not a healthy way to start the term ! The second little flat story which I shall tell you is probably one you have heard from &NAME or someone else . Just in case you have not I would like to make you aware of the fact that on Saturday morning &NAME and &NAME came to visit and , whilst &NAME was engaged in polite conversation with &NAME , &NAME and &CHAR ( and various parents ) &NAME was redesigning our water closet . It appeared , from subsequent ( although not very close as &NAME had just cleaned it WARNING ! &NAME ! ! ) inspection that the entire visit had been a ruse , the sole purpose of which was to maliciously " blacken the reputation of our " spotless toilet . On reflection and long consultation with &NAME and &NAME we decided that they had facilitated the effects desired by themselves by pouring something akin to the nature and properties of food colouring down our lavatory . This distressed and perplexed us greatly . We are still distressed and perplexed greatly . Sleepless nights have been our lot ever since . Seriously . I now expect you to be distressed and perplexed . Greatly . Do n't disappoint my &NAME . I 'm counting on your being perplexed . In conclusion I would like to say that I 'm not really sure whether or not I 'll do anything you would n't do . In fact , I can think of quite a few things I do which you would n't do and am not quite sure it would be advisable to refrain from doing them. ( ! ) Now &NAME , I have just written you a long e-mail . I know you are a very busy person ( quote : [ &NUM 'm] " bored ) and I am extremely grateful that you should take the time to e-mail me ( seriously , seriously , no sarcasm ) as I really enjoy reading them , but could you try and write a slightly longer &NUM next time ? If you 'd rather not or do n't have time then okay . &NAME , I probably should n't have said that ! ( I 'm not being judgmental , so please do n't plot to kill me ! ) See you , &NAME &NAME I really liked your Scottish accent on the " phone the other night . It was most convincing ! Perhaps you can write in the language of the gods also ? SUBJECT: Chat at 6ish Hi &NAME , &NAME ! Well We shall discuss your e-mail in marshallbees at &NUM precisely . I do n't usually use &NAME to chat , but then , I do n't usually chat online only occasionally . Anyway , I shall try and find the chat-room . E-mail me if you ca n't make it and need to change the time or something . Well , see you at &NUM precisely . Oh , by the way . Perhaps you would like to download " Netscape &NAME &NAME Service sometime . I 'll give you the web-site address if you want to . You see , it enables you to chat directly i.e. a little box will appear in your computer screen . Also , its main benefit is that it lets you know when your friends are online . Anyway , see what you think . I will finish this short e-mail with the following quote from &NAME which we may choose to discuss this evening I quote from &NAME ; " I have similar characteristics to an amphibious-type creature who has evolved &NUM million years in a few hours and has mysteriously taken on the form of a large slug with uncontrollable mating habits &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? Reschedule3F ? Dear &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME , I would like to ask if you would mind not chatting tomorrow evening ( Sunday ) until &NAME , as I will be atchurch from 6pm . I hope this is coinvenient let me know if it is not . Still marshallbees chatroom . However , it would be much better if you could all get netscape instant &NAME ( &WEBSITE ) by then . I 've got it now and it only took about &NUM minutes to get and download . It is really cool and can do wonderful things . If we all got it then we could chat on it . However , until then marshallbees , Sunday , &NAME . See you then , &NAME SUBJECT: We are ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? 22cliquey22 ? - I believe ... Hi &NAME , It was very interesting to observe the psychology of group interactions in marshallbees on Sunday evening . Thanks for providing the opportunity . Here is a brief summary of our chat &NUM ) We all talked . &NUM ) You insulted me . &NUM ) I insulted you . &NUM ) I talked to &NAME in our own language ( i.e. Och , it sure is dreight the nicht ) . &NUM ) You talked to &NAME in your own language . &NUM ) An unknown and uninvited guest turned up , calling himself " &NAME . &NUM ) He was very nasty and called us names , like " elitists and " clicky . &SMILEY You corrected his spelling of " cliquey . &NUM ) You told him you were delighted to be an elitist if it meant you could spell correctly . &NUM ) We all told him to go away and learn to spell and construct grammatically correct sentences . &NUM ) &NAME was quite rude towards him . This was amusing , and may prove to be even more so if it turns out we knew the unknown guy . So , are you still well ? Are you still watching " Diagnosis Murder " every day ? I watched it today . I also watched it yesterday . However , I did n't get up at &NUM : 15am , tempting though it inevitably was . Today I synthesised penicillin ( on paper ) whilst yesterday I synthesised &NAME and &NAME ( on PAPER ) . Talking of Cocaine and Opium It could be quite interesting next term if some of our flat-mates came home to find a " Cocaine-laboratory set up in our kitchen . I can just imagine the scene Over the next few weeks subtle hints are dropped that &NAME is not quite the na 've chemist he makes out to be . &NUM morning when &NAME is checking the post she finds a parcel for &NAME from , say , &NAME . This is curious . She leaves it in his room and probably thinks nothing more of it , but perhaps she does Later that day she returns from her lecture to find the kitchen work-surfaces covered with complex-looking chemical apparatus containing curious tar-like substances that bubble . There are some shallow glass dishes containing a white powdery substance , just recrystalising from solution . The parcel is lying on the table , opened , and a lab-coat is strewn carelessly on the floor . The phone suddenly rings she picks it up to hear a curiously thick voice with a sinister-sounding message for &NAME . I do n't know what could happen next , but it may well be very amusing ( ! ) Anyway " I am not going to plot to kill you . Why would I make it that easy for you ? I 'm going to do something akin to Chinese water torture heh , heh , heh - Okay Now I 'm worried . What is Chinese water torture ? I hope you have a lovely Christmas &NAME and a most enjoyable birthday . I look forward to receiving a reply , &NAME SUBJECT: We are not cliquey , just educated &NAME , Here is a more realistic summary : &NUM ) We all played with little symbols &NUM ) Some creep came into our conversation &NUM ) You talked to &NAME in some weird and unintelligible version of English ( can the Scots got NOTHING right ? ) &NUM ) The creep called us elitist and cliquey ( sic ) &NUM ) I agreed on the premise that he cannot spell , and therefore clearly has not been to uni &NUM ) &NAME was , I agree , rude , but amusingly and justifiably so ... it 's just a good job &NAME and &NAME were n't there . What is this , I talked to &NAME in our own language ? And I do not remember insulting you at any point . But enlighten me . I agree too that we should experiment with cocaine ... kidding . Actually , drugs have never had any real fascination for me , but I know they have for &NAME . Maybe you could slip a little something into her early morning cup of tea to see exactly how hyper she can get ... funny ! Chinese water torture : the Chinese would deprive a person of liquid for days . Then they would place them into a room next to which would be an unseen , but audible , dripping tap . The person would then confess ( hopefully ) . Maybe I could start my own version , placing you in a room surrounded by mess , with an unseen but audible vacuum cleaner next door ... heh heh heh ! I have nearly finished at the &NAME ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! &NAME ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I am happy . &NAME , are you coming to my house for my birthday ? I would love to see you , and you know my parents adore you . You could clean my room . &NAME boy ... I do n't offer evryone that privilege , you know . Got to go , I 'm going out for a meal with some friends ( yes , I have more than &NUM ) . Got to get ready ... see you ... love &NAME xx From : &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &EMAIL Subject : We are " cliquey " - I believe ... &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , It was very interesting to observe the psychology of group interactions in marshallbees on Sunday evening . Thanks for providing the opportunity . Here is a brief summary of our chat &NUM ) We all talked . &NUM ) You insulted me . &NUM ) I insulted you . &NUM ) I talked to &NAME in our own language ( i.e. Och , it sure is dreight the nicht ) . &NUM ) You talked to &NAME in your own language . &NUM ) An unknown and uninvited guest turned up , calling himself " &NAME . &NUM ) He was very nasty and called us names , like " elitists and " clicky . &SMILEY You corrected his spelling of " cliquey . &NUM ) You told him you were delighted to be an elitist if it meant you could spell correctly . &NUM ) We all told him to go away and learn to spell and construct grammatically correct sentences . &NUM ) &NAME was quite rude towards him . This was amusing , and may prove to be even more so if it turns out we knew the unknown guy . So , are you still well ? Are you still watching 'Diagnosis Murder every day ? I watched it today . I also watched it yesterday . However , I did n't get up at &NUM : 15am , tempting though it inevitably was . Today I synthesised penicillin ( on paper ) whilst yesterday I synthesised &NAME and &NAME ( on PAPER ) . Talking of Cocaine and Opium It could be quite interesting next term if some of our flat-mates came home to find a " Cocaine-laboratory set up in our kitchen . I can just imagine the scene Over the next few weeks subtle hints are dropped that &NAME is not quite the na 've chemist he makes out to be . &NUM morning when &NAME is checking the post she finds a parcel for &NAME from , say , &NAME . This is curious . She leaves it in his room and probably thinks nothing more of it , but perhaps she does Later that day she returns from her lecture to find the kitchen work-surfaces covered with complex-looking chemical apparatus containing curious tar-like substances that bubble . There are some shallow glass dishes containing a white powdery substance , just recrystalising from solution . The parcel is lying on the table , opened , and a lab-coat is strewn carelessly on the floor . The phone suddenly rings she picks it up to hear a curiously thick voice with a sinister-sounding message for &NAME . I do n't know what could happen next , but it may well be very amusing ( ! ) Anyway " I am not going to plot to kill you . Why would I make it that easy for you ? I 'm going to do something akin to Chinese water torture heh , heh , heh - Okay Now I 'm worried . What is Chinese water torture ? I hope you have a lovely Christmas &NAME and a most enjoyable birthday . I look forward to receiving a reply , &NAME Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME ? oooo , &NUM . some of us have been busy , that 's all . love you &NAME , &NAME xx From : &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &EMAIL Subject : &NAME ? &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , Are you still talking to me ? Just wondering . &NAME Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? Hello3F ? Hi &NAME , Are you still talking to me ? Just wondering . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME is DOOMED Hi &NAME , " &NAME - &NAME . " You talked to &NAME in some weird and unintelligible version of English ( can the Scots get NOTHING right ? ) - Evidently not . Think about it . Obviously you cannot either , hence your sentence without meaning . " &NAME was rude it 's just a good job &NAME and &NAME were n't there . - Why ? ? ? Do you see &NAME and &NAME as some ultra-moral , easy-to-offend , hyper-Christian people ? I was there , how different am I to &NAME and &NAME ? " What is this , I talked to &NAME in our own language ? - Well , I assume you did . Since &NAME and I talked for about &NUM minutes in whisper mode whilst there was nothing appearing on the main screen , we assumed you and &NAME were conversing in your own language . " I do not remember insulting you at any point . But enlighten me . - Most assuredly I shall enlighten you . You called me names . I then asked if you enjoyed insulting me and you replied with something along the lines of " have you just worked that out ? Do you remember ? " Maybe you could slip a little something into her early morning cup of tea to see exactly how hyper she can get funny ! - Very funny ! It is worth it just to imagine it . I am laughing as I type . " Maybe I could place you in a room surrounded by mess , with an unseen but audible vacuum cleaner next door - If we assume this took place in &NAME &CHAR then there could be some slight technical difficulties I would have to be placed in either yours or &NAME 's room as they are the only untidy &NUM . If I was placed in your room then it would n't work as vacuum cleaners are terrified of &NAME 's room . If I was placed in &NAME 's room then that would also be impossible because vacuum cleaners are terrified of you and they have no need ( I 'm not talking about desire here ) to go into my room . In either case , I 'm the only &NUM in the flat who understands how to switch on vacuum cleaners . " &NAME , are you coming to my house for my birthday ? I would love to see you , and you know my parents adore you . You could clean my room . &NAME boy I do n't offer everyone that privilege , you know . - Much as I would love to I 'm afraid I am taking my grandmother ( yes , the &NUM with &NUM lives ) to see &NAME on the 26th . I 'm sorry &NAME , thanks very much for inviting me though . I 've sent you a birthday card , so do n't think it 's a Christmas &NUM and open it on Monday ! Anyway , I did n't know you were going to have a party . Would I have known anyone else who will be there ? It will break my heart not to have the chance to clean your room . Oh ! Why do I always miss these life-changing experiences ? ! ? Anyway , is your room ever really messy ? I do n't think it is at &NAME , but then I 'm comparing yours with &NAME 's. " Got to go , I 'm going out for a meal with some friends ( yes , I have more than &NUM ) . - Who 's the one ? ( I 'm joking , I know you have lots and lots of friends just in case you get offended . ) I got &NUM Christmas cards today ! Actually , it was a bit embarrassing . Well how would you explain a Christmas card that was addressed to " &NAME " &NAME &NAME , on the envelope , to your parents when they give it to you ? That would have been relatively okay , but then I opened it and discovered it was from a guy &NAME - an interesting experience . It turned out my fears were unfounded as my parents did not conclude I had weird friends , just &NUM with an interesting sense of humour . Guess what was on the front of &NAME 's card . A duvet ! He is just so obsessed with duvets , especially his own . Well , I must go . Actually , I must n't, but I do n't want to bore you further by continuing to type when I really am not thinking much about what I am typing . Oh , I was for the rest of the e-mail , do n't worry , but not for this paragraph . I 'm pleased to hear you are looking forward to finishing your work at the &NAME Office . Have a wonderful Christmas , &NAME &NAME I 'm sorry about the " Hello ? e-mail . I was just wondering if you were still alive as you had n't e-mailed in a week . But then neither had &NUM , although that 's another story . SUBJECT: &NAME , &NAME , " Hyper-Christians ! " Hi &NAME ! " It 's nearly Christmas , and although &NAME and nicety pervades the land , it stops at our front door , so I feel free to insult you . - &NAME and nicety does not pervade this land . I do n't know anything about your front door , but that sounds highly likely . " Yes , &NAME and &NAME are hyper-Christians . ( I feel so unworthy ) . - Are you being honestly serious here ? " You are different because I do n't think you are easily shocked . At least , having a poker face , you do n't show it . - I may not be easily shocked , but that was quite an insult . Do I honestly have a poker face ? I 'm in despair . " It [ mess ] disturbs and distracts me . - That 's exactly the way I feel about mess too . " I am sorry about whispering . It was very rude , and I 'm sorry . - That 's quite alright . I was n't saying you ought n't to have . &NAME and I whispered too , as did yourself and &NAME " I am not having a party . I just invited everyone to my house knowing that most people would n't be able to come . &NAME and &NAME &NAME and &NAME are coming though . You are missing out on my favourite foods they are expensive , ha ha ha . - Oh , I see . I 'm glad some of your friends will be there for your birthday . I deeply regret missing out on your favourite foods , and the fact that they are expensive goes without saying really , does n't it ? " Happy Christmas , sweet &NAME , may your blessings be plentiful in the New Year . - Why , thank you &NAME ! Incidentally , did you know that &NAME and I now only communicate through his lawyer , a 'Mr &NAME ? Here is the last e-mail I received from him &NAME &NAME Esq. , As Mr. &NAME 's lawyer , I assure you that you are , how shall I put it in the soup . Frankly , you are a very unwise young man to have crossed my client . You have dealt in an immature manner , and will be dealt with accordingly . You may be assured that you will be sued to the full extent of the law , and will probably never see your homeland again . ( You can expect to be deported as a slave to &NAME . ) Oh yes , Mr. &NAME , you have played with fire , and now you 're going to get burned ( or burrrrrrrrned , as you would say ) . You have unfortunately messed with one of the most important personages in the country ( in the form of my client ) , and I do n't get paid £ &NUM an hour to fool around in other words , your life as you know it is about to be terminated . So there 's the good news Mr. &NAME . The bad news is that my people ( thugs / mercenaries some might call them ) will be round shortly to un-tuck your bed-sheet . Yes it 's true Mr. &NAME , I 'm afraid there is no easy way to break this kind of news . So , until we meet face to face ( probably in the dock ) let me wish you a happy future . &NAME , Mr. &NAME Quite interesting , do you agree ? Well , I have been wrapping Christmas presents this evening . Oh my , time flies too quickly , it 's Christmas once again . I shall now go and do some photo-manipulation . See you , &NAME &NAME Are you looking forward to your birthday ? &NUM is a very old age to be . I ca n't imagine being that old seriously . You will no longer be a teenager , how tragic . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME is DOOMED Dearest Petal , It 's nearly Christmas , and although &NAME and nicety pervades the land , it stops at our front door , so I feel free to insult you . &NUM Yes , &NAME and &NAME are hyper-Christians . ( I feel so unworthy ) . You are different because I do n't think you are easily shocked . At least , having a poker face , you do n't show it . &NUM My room is really not that messy at all . In a mess hierarchy of the flat , you are at the top , followed by &NAME , then me , then &NAME and &NAME . I do n't really like mess . It disturbs and distracts me . &NUM I am sorry about whispering . It was very rude , and I 'm sorry . &NUM I am not having a party . I just invited everyone to my house knowing that most people would n't be able to come . &NAME and &NAME &NAME and &NAME are coming though . You are missing out on my favourite foods- they are expensive , ha ha ha . &NUM I find &NAME 's message to you rather amusing . &NUM Happy Christmas , sweet &NAME , may your blessings be plentiful in the new year . Love &NAME From : &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &EMAIL Subject : &NAME is DOOMED &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , " &NAME - Catchy . " You talked to &NAME in some weird and unintelligible version of English ( can the Scots get NOTHING right ? ) - Evidently not . Think about it . Obviously you cannot either , hence your sentence without meaning . " &NAME was rude it 's just a good job &NAME and &NAME were n't there . - Why ? ? ? Do you see &NAME and &NAME as some ultra-moral , easy-to-offend , hyper-Christian people ? I was there , how different am I to &NAME and &NAME ? " What is this , I talked to &NAME in our own language ? - Well , I assume you did . Since &NAME and I talked for about &NUM minutes in whisper mode whilst there was nothing appearing on the main screen , we assumed you and &NAME were conversing in your own language . " I do not remember insulting you at any point . But enlighten me . - Most assuredly I shall enlighten you . You called me names . I then asked if you enjoyed insulting me and you replied with something along the lines of " have you just worked that out ? Do you remember ? 'Maybe you could slip a little something into her early morning cup of tea to see exactly how hyper she can get funny ! - Very funny ! It is worth it just to imagine it . I am laughing as I type . 'Maybe I could place you in a room surrounded by mess , with an unseen but audible vacuum cleaner next door - If we assume this took place in &NAME &CHAR then there could be some slight technical difficulties I would have to be placed in either yours or &NAME 's room as they are the only untidy &NUM . If I was placed in your room then it would n't work as vacuum cleaners are terrified of &NAME 's room . If I was placed in &NAME 's room then that would also be impossible because vacuum cleaners are terrified of you and they have no need ( I 'm not talking about desire here ) to go into my room . In either case , I 'm the only &NUM in the flat who understands how to switch on vacuum cleaners . " &NAME , are you coming to my house for my birthday ? I would love to see you , and you know my parents adore you . You could clean my room . &NAME boy I do n't offer everyone that privilege , you know . - Much as I would love to I 'm afraid I am taking my grandmother ( yes , the &NUM with &NUM lives ) to see &NAME on the 26th . I 'm sorry &NAME , thanks very much for inviting me though . I 've sent you a birthday card , so do n't think it 's a Christmas &NUM and open it on Monday ! Anyway , I did n't know you were going to have a party . Would I have known anyone else who will be there ? It will break my heart not to have the chance to clean your room . Oh ! Why do I always miss these life-changing experiences ? ! ? Anyway , is your room ever really messy ? I do n't think it is at &NAME , but then I 'm comparing yours with &NAME 's. " Got to go , I 'm going out for a meal with some friends ( yes , I have more than &NUM ) . - Who 's the one ? ( I 'm joking , I know you have lots and lots of friends just in case you get offended . ) I got &NUM Christmas cards today ! Actually , it was a bit embarrassing . Well how would you explain a Christmas card that was addressed to " &NAME " &NAME &NAME , on the envelope , to your parents when they give it to you ? That would have been relatively okay , but then I opened it and discovered it was from a guy &NAME - an interesting experience . It turned out my fears were unfounded as my parents did not conclude I had weird friends , just &NUM with an interesting sense of humour . Guess what was on the front of &NAME 's card . A duvet ! He is just so obsessed with duvets , especially his own . Well , I must go . Actually , I must n't, but I do n't want to bore you further by continuing to type when I really am not thinking much about what I am typing . Oh , I was for the rest of the e-mail , do n't worry , but not for this paragraph . I 'm pleased to hear you are looking forward to finishing your work at the &NAME Office . Have a wonderful Christmas , &NAME &NAME I 'm sorry about the " Hello ? e-mail . I was just wondering if you were still alive as you had n't e-mailed in a week . But then neither had &NUM , although that 's another story . Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NAME , Are you having an enjoyable holiday ? I am . There is lots of snow here . I 'm going away on holiday today for the New Year . &NAME New Year . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME 20th Birthday &NAME ! &NAME Birthday &NAME ! I hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy eating expensive food . SUBJECT: Are you online ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? now3F ? See subject . &NAME SUBJECT: ( no subject ) &NAME , &NAME les examens went well today . And that you 're enjoying your labs . The phone bill came so we opened it with trepidation , but it 's really not too bed . Actually , it 's rather amusing ... &CHAR &CHAR ! &NAME SUBJECT: Fwd : [ Fwd : [ Fwd : [ Fwd : &NAME ] ] ] ( Fwd ) From : 'M.R.Jolley " ( &EMAIL ) To : &EMAIL Subject : [ Fwd : [ Fwd : [ Fwd : &NAME ] ] ] &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM got sent this , if you dont know Blur - &NAME , it really isnt worth reading it . &NAME Artslife Laziness is a preference to the habitual voyeur of what is known as &NAME ! A morning lecture can be avoided if you take the route straight through what is known as &NAME ! &NAME 's got too little work , he gets intimidated by the dirty engineers , they love a bit of it ! Artslife ! Who 's that idiot working , you should cut down on your science life mate , get back to bed ! &NAME my lectures My two-oo lectures I some-times go to them Go to them in my Artslife ! Know what I mean ? I get up when I want , except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the cleaner Artslife ! I put my trousers on , have a cup of tea , and I think about leaving the bed Artslife ! I play pool , I sometimes play &NAME too , it gives me an enormous sense of having done something &NAME ! And then I 'm happy for the rest of the day , safe in the knowledge that there will always be another grant cheque devoted to me &NAME my lectures My two-oo lectures I some-times go to them Go to them in my Artslife ! Its got nothing to do with your &NUM o' clock lectures you know And its not about your lecturers who go on and on and on and on . . ... &NAME my lectures My two-oo lectures I some-times go to them Go to them in my Artslife ! &NAME ... it 's a hard life , it really is ! Love you all loads , &NAME xxx Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: A message from &NAME Hi ! Thank you for telephoning half an hour ago . I thought you might like a copy of &NAME and &NAME 's CU song ... When We Say Nothing At All It 's amazing how quickly this year has gone by Sitting here at the front , ( &NAME 's starting to cry ) Try as he may , &NAME can never explain Why he 's saying the same thing again The &NAME exists to learn more about &NAME It 's the truth in our lives and we 've found that we need it We 'll miss sitting here as we say goodbye to you all ( Maybe ) we say it best , when we say nothing at all All day long we prepare all the stuff for CU Coming up with ideas and fun things to do Try as he may , &NAME 's always confused We 're all worried but mildly amused We say it best when we say nothing at all . &NAME , The &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME They are thinking seriously about making a recording . It was very funny ! &NAME is cooking tonight - 'sloppy &NAME 's' - I dread to think what that is . &NAME 's leaving &NAME and &NUM on our own at the weekend . Everyone is going away ! I hope you &NUM are having an enjoyable time being locked out of the house . Never fear if you do not get much work done - be assured I have done even less here . Well , telephone again soon . &NAME is having withdrawl symptoms due to a lack of your presence . &NAME &NAME . It 's very hard on him . See you soon . &NAME SUBJECT: ( no subject ) &NAME , if I find out that you have played a trick on me , the full wrath of &NAME will be upon you ... no more mercy , sweetie . it will be all out war , and as I am far meaner than you , you will regret it . a lot . if not , love you lots . &NAME x SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Hi &NAME , Yes , as you know , I did play a " trick " on you . I regret doing so , but not because you will play a mean trick on me . Personally , I blame &NAME - and he will suffer the consequences this weekend . 'Suffer " being the ( very ) appropriate word . By the way - interesting information - &NAME has left his new mobile at home ... ( ! ) See you at &NUM : &NUM or &NUM : &NUM - whenever . I hope you have a good day - I have had . My professor told me my results from yesterday were n't wrong - just not what I had expected . I am now finished for the day ! &NAME ( Seriously though - sorry for playing a trick on you . I admit that it was a bit devious of me . I look forward to your revenge - but please leave it at that . ) " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME , if I find out that you have played a trick on me , the full wrath of &NAME will be upon you ... no more mercy , sweetie . it will be all out war , and as I am far meaner than you , you will regret it . a lot . if not , love you lots . &NAME x SUBJECT: Regarding a certain diet Dear &NAME , &NAME is very good for you . Chocolate is extremely appetising . People who do n't eat waste away . Chocolate is extremely appetising . You need a healthy supply of vitamins and a certain level of sugars to maintain a well nourished appearance . ( Trust me - I 'm a scientist . ) Chocolate is extremely appetising . &NAME ( with your highest interest in mind ) &NAME &NAME is extremely appetising . ( And if you buy Fairtrade , then you 're giving third world farmers a better deal . ) SUBJECT: Re : Regarding a certain diet &NUM I do n't care about fairtrade &NUM chocolate is fattening and gives you spots &NUM I have survived b4 on &NUM chips , &NUM bars of chocolate and lots of water for &NUM days . &NUM you are going to lose big time , skeletor . love you ! &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , &NAME is very good for you . Chocolate is extremely appetising . People who do n't eat waste away . Chocolate is extremely appetising . You need a healthy supply of vitamins and a certain level of sugars to maintain a well nourished appearance . ( Trust me - I 'm a scientist . ) Chocolate is extremely appetising . &NAME ( with your highest interest in mind ) &NAME &NAME is extremely appetising . ( And if you buy Fairtrade , then you 're giving third world farmers a better deal . ) SUBJECT: Re : Regarding a certain diet I do n't lose - unless it pleases me to do so . By the way , please explain 'skeletor " . Thank you for your cooperation . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NUM I do n't care about fairtrade &NUM chocolate is fattening and gives you spots &NUM I have survived b4 on &NUM chips , &NUM bars of chocolate and lots of water for &NUM days . &NUM you are going to lose big time , skeletor . love you ! &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , &NAME is very good for you . Chocolate is extremely appetising . People who do n't eat waste away . Chocolate is extremely appetising . You need a healthy supply of vitamins and a certain level of sugars to maintain a well nourished appearance . ( Trust me - I 'm a scientist . ) Chocolate is extremely appetising . &NAME ( with your highest interest in mind ) &NAME &NAME is extremely appetising . ( And if you buy Fairtrade , then you 're giving third world farmers a better deal . ) SUBJECT: Re : Regarding a certain diet you are a TOAD &NAME wrote : I do n't lose - unless it pleases me to do so . By the way , please explain 'skeletor " . Thank you for your cooperation . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . You NEED chocolate . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NUM I do n't care about fairtrade &NUM chocolate is fattening and gives you spots &NUM I have survived b4 on &NUM chips , &NUM bars of chocolate and lots of water for &NUM days . &NUM you are going to lose big time , skeletor . love you ! &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , &NAME is very good for you . Chocolate is extremely appetising . People who do n't eat waste away . Chocolate is extremely appetising . You need a healthy supply of vitamins and a certain level of sugars to maintain a well nourished appearance . ( Trust me - I 'm a scientist . ) Chocolate is extremely appetising . &NAME ( with your highest interest in mind ) &NAME &NAME is extremely appetising . ( And if you buy Fairtrade , then you 're giving third world farmers a better deal . ) SUBJECT: Regarding our secret love affair ... This is a long and in-depth e-mail . Please do n't read it unless you have time . Thank you . Dear &NAME , Please do n't let your mother find out about our secret love affair . ( I am not being serious , but I guess you worked that out . ) It was good to hear from you yesterday . Anyway , the tricks &NAME left for the geology department at 2pm on Tuesday . I duly went down to the &NAME Trading Company and bought a substantial quantity of grass seeds for £ &NUM . I had been anxious that sowing grass seeds would do lasting damage to the carpet and that I would therefore be in a rather sticky situation . Therefore , I decided to do as follows I went to the &NAME &NAME and asked the lady there if I could borrow the keys for one of my friend 's rooms as they had forgotten to turn off their storage heaters before going home . She willing obliged but asked me to bring them straight back . I then quickly returned to the flat and opened &NAME 's room , placing on the floor a bin-liner on top of which I spread a damp dish-towel , sprinkling grass seed liberally over its surface . I then watered the towel and rushed back with the keys , after hastily turning off &NAME 's heater and checking &NAME 's. The lady was most thankful . So , I did n't carry out the trick as planned , for the carpet does not belong to me . I would have had no hesitation if it was &NAME 's or mine , but it is n't. However , it should still be amusing for &NAME to return and find a patch of grass growing in his bedroom , though he had locked the door . Now , trick number &NUM Earlier that day I made my way over to &NAME &CHAR to see &NAME . He obliged by giving me the relevant details but warned me that you had better not try to sell his stereo system . Anyway , I tried to call &NAME and find out about his guitar - &NAME only knew it was a &NAME &NAME guitar , and that &NAME had got it in a sale for about £ &NUM . Unfortunately &NAME was n't answering . Since time was quickly marching on I could n't go to &NAME to post &NAME 's advertisement , and I had n't the necessary information from &NAME anyway . So , this trick has not yet been completed . However , I intend to go down to &NAME sometime during the holidays and I will finish it then . In any case , that will only serve to make it even less understandable for &NAME , since the phone calls are not going to begin immediately after the holidays start . Well , on Tuesday I also managed to clean most of the flat , including the shower and bathroom . I also walked to the science site to visit the library and show my friend where the &NAME department was . In addition to that I defrosted and cleaned our fridge / freezer , and also cleaned my room with the utmost thoroughness . After that I had to pack my room , and as a result of my hectic morning , after busying myself with all this running around , I had to rush frantically to the railway station . I arrived on the platform , much out of breath due to the rather weighty nature of my bags , to see the train pulling out of the station . My heart sank , as the next train was not due for at least an hour . Thankfully it was not my train , which had been delayed by the ineptitude of &NAME by &NUM minutes . This was &NUM time when I was thankful for inefficiency . Eventually my train arrived and I embarked upon my journey , sad to leave &NAME . My train was then delayed my vandalising children on the railway track . I arrived at &NAME over &NUM minutes late , but still in &NUM piece and much calmer than I had been while rushing to try and catch my train . Now , I will keep you up to date with the latest happenings in that exiting focal point of all our lives , &NAME &NAME Well , on Monday evening &NAME invited &NAME and &NAME and &NUM first year &NAME girls for dinner . The meal was most delicious , and afterwards one of the first years was given the opportunity to cut &NAME 's golden locks - a most amusing occurrence indeed . The poor unfortunate girl was halfway through the task when she accidentally cut some of &NAME 's ear off . Now , you know what &NAME is like when he gets angry about something Well actually , he did n't assault her , but he yelled and almost cursed about it for a substantial number of minutes . I think the blood contrasted beautifully with his pale complexion . So &NAME now has a mutilated ear , something he will doubtless cherish as it was done at the hands of one of his favoured girls . I wonder if we could make him think we had paid &NAME ( the unfortunate girl ) to carry out her heroic deed ? Imagine his reaction ! Anyway , are you well ? Was your trip to &NAME library beneficial ? Are you pleased to be at home and did you enjoy your night our yesterday ? When you sent your last e-mail I was in the middle of a power cut . At &NUM : &NAME I was gaily about to check my e-mail , when the computer switched off and I was plunged into darkness . We proceeded to eat our dinner by the light of oil lamps . We lit our fire and &NUM the played the piano by candlelight for half an hour . It was very beautiful , but could get boring quite easily . I then went up to my room , oil lamp in hand , and began to study . At &NAME the electricity came back on and I received your e-mail . Thank you . My next piece of uninteresting trivia is that I now have absolutely free internet access at any time of the day or night ! We have signed up to ntl , the telephone company , and that is why I am sending you this in the middle of the day . Any time you wish to chat online just let me know , as it would be fun . Also , if you want &NAME &NAME &NAME Service , it can be downloaded from the following location ... &WEBSITE o73026 &NAME is going to get it , and possibly others . It is an extremely interesting piece of software which allows you to chat easily ( via text or voice ) online . It also allows you to see whether your friends are online if you or they want . It 's fun . Well , I have written some words to you , and I hope you are well and enjoying your holidays . Write back to me soon . I look forward to hearing from you . &NAME SUBJECT: Regarding our next tryst ... My dearest &NAME Meet me by the willow trees beside the river tomorrow at midnight . How shall I recognise you ? Anyway That was a rather psychedelic e-mail . I hope the colours do n't represent your moods because if so then you changed from a rather girlish pink to a morbid black , then back to the same pink before becoming a very light ethereal sky blue and ending with a more stable medium blue . You ought to see a psychologist . I do n't think that counts as orifice checking , but it 's still important . I 'd just like to point out , &NAME , that biology is nothing like chemistry whatsoever . I do n't really even consider biology a science . All biologists do is draw pictures of rabbits eating carrots . Chemistry is sooooooo much more sophisticated . We explode things . I was n't worried about &NAME taking on &NAME 's characteristics , more his parents and mine . No , I 'm not going down to &NAME especially to place an advertisement in &NAME . Honestly &NAME ! I would post it if that were the case ! No , I 'm going down to see the flat . " &NAME , why are you studying &NAME ? - I 'm studying because I have an enormous amount of work to do before the exams and I want to do better than last year . I know holidays have only begun , but I 'm bored already . I did n't know you had asthma . So , you went for a run . That 's the problem with living in a city ; when you do something , people see you although they probably do n't notice . Here in the country people notice . " I am going to my friend 's house tonight to say hello and look at her new extension ( fun ) . - Extension of what ? " The time thing is very very amusing . - &NAME thing ? Do you mean &NAME 's ear ? Incidentally , due to foot and mouth , we now get our post delivered only to the end of the road , newspapers are no longer delivered , and suspicion reigns . &NAME . It 's very cold here . I envy you the warm climate of &NAME . Although , you probably do n't think it 's warm . Now , &NAME is feeling rather unwell these days , and I think I shall send her a get well card . Would you like to do the same ? &NAME 's address is &NUM &NAME Road &NAME Park &NAME &NAME 3PT He said goodbye to &NAME today , I quote 'Miss &NAME has now left , and therein lies a story : I was taking her to &NAME to drop her off with her brother , and she assumed that it would be easy enough to find the place because she knew what it was called &NAME Halls . Thus , she did not ask for directions , and upon arriving in &NAME , she realised that it was somewhat bigger than she had expected and we would perhaps not be able to just " find the place by knowing its name ! And so , &NUM people , a number of text messages and an hour later we eventually found our destination ! Anyway , she is there now and I am emailing you from my living room where &NAME is currently residing . See you later , &NAME He often calls me " o fair and wondrous &NAME strange . " Till tomorrow at midnight , Yours with overwhelming affection , &NAME dearest pet , how 'd the tricks go ? was your trip home ok ? got to be quick because I 'm goijng out and the mother already thinks we are having a secert love affair ( kidding ) . hope you 're okay , &NAME , &NAME x Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: where shall our next tryst be ? &CHAR &NAME , my sweet ... anyway . how are you ? thanks for your long email . it was most interesting . &NAME , sowing seeds on carpet does NOT do lasting damage to the carptet . honestly . you are the chemist ... work it out via biology , it 's close enough ... kidding . I think the plastic bag thing was a good idea , just in &NAME &NAME goes schitz . I am glad we will be able to do the other tirick , but you are n't going down specially to do it are you ? do n't. the time thing is very very amusing . oops , that was n't meant to be in &NAME . I 'll change . is this the same ? maybe another change . better ? aah , yes . hmmm , this is okay too . umm , why are you studying &NAME ? holidays have only just begun . I am busier here than in &NAME . everyone seems to want me to do stuff , mainly for church ... dull . mother wanted me to go to the doctor 's, so I did , for a new asthma inhaler . next week I go to the dentist . I have already been to the optician . that 's ( nearly ) every orifice checked ! I have been for a run , I hated it . loads of peole saw me and I was very red and unfit . ugh . I am going to my friend 's house tonight to say hello and look at her new extwension ( fun ) . I have nothing exciting planned . I am bored , but ny sister comes back this weekend ... someone to plague ! all my love , secret lover boy . &NAME x Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: An e-mail from &NAME Dear &NAME , I 'm glad you like my e-mails . I like yours too . You have lots of allergies ! I have none , except Canadians - kidding . " &NAME is rather daft to have trusted &NAME " - Anyone is rather daft to trust &NAME , when it comes to directions . I 'm sure one could make a most amusing comedy series of her travels around the world . " Now &NAME , your challenge this week is to get from this end of the street to the other - the catch ? You must use a map . " What 's a numeracy test ? Is n't that really simple maths questions ? I hope you passed , but do n't be too disappointed if you did n't, there are plenty other things to do . And remember , if all else fails , you could marry &NAME and live in the frozen wilds of &NAME , cut off from all civilisation . He would hunt elk and grizzly bears , and you would cook them , with bread-cubes and noodles . Thank you for sending &NAME an e-greetings card . I 've posted her a get well card this morning . It should arrive on Monday . I 'm impressed that you 've been for another run . I intend to cycle this holiday , but it 's too cold for that so far . Did you enjoy picking up " The Genius " ? Are you stiff from your long car journey ? I 'm impressed that you 're studying . I have n't got any done today . However , I did get my hair cut , and I 've spent most of the afternoon painting the bathroom . I shall work this evening . Do you want to chat online sometime ? Well , I have nothing more of any interest to say . ( &NAME this is so short an e-mail ) I sometimes worry about not having anything interesting to write in e-mails . I 'm working on Monday and Tuesday next week , so that should be a little bit of a change of scenery . Regarding &NAME , &NAME writes as follows " &NAME , &NAME is having problems of &CHAR , how shall I say , personal nature . I wonder if she has some deep psychological problem that she is n't telling me about . The other day she just would n't light up , and even though I pumped her switches ( something that usually really gets her going ) I could not turn her on at all ! And then , after I had delved around her innards for half an hour or so and actually got her to boot up , her time and date settings were &NAME . Very strange . " &NAME is really interesting . " Till this evening my love ( kidding ) &NAME SUBJECT: in reciept of your message ... &NAME , these colurs look nice and forresty do n't they ? " build me a willow cabin at &NAME 's gate , and call upon my soul within the ferneycastle ... " looking forward to our meeting with ever more intensity ... kiddingx . chemisty is just biology speeded up . that 's all I 'm going to say and I think that it concludes the matter , really . I do enjoy emailing you , &NAME ... you write such nce long emails back ... I am glad you are studying . so am I . I have also been for &NUM ( this deserves bold and italic and underlined ) runs ! and surprised even myself by doing so , though I do ache rather . and I have to sit in a car all the way to &NAME tomorrow to pick up The Genius . so I will be quite stiff . I do have asthma . and ezcema . and hayfever . and various other allergies , that are dull and biology-like . &NAME is rather daft to have trusted that &NAME , pf all people , would know where she was goin ! &CHAR . doh . I went to &NAME today for my interview with arthr &NAME for a summer placement but I had to do a numeracy test and I have n't done all that stuff since gcse , so I do n't really think I 've passed . I will send cammie a e-greetings card ... &NAME , I will write more but my back aches rather a lot at the &NAME , so for now , my love , adieu . until our next meeting . all my adoring loves , &NAME x Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Re : An e-mail from &NAME my little petal , I indeed have many allergies . it is unfortuante . but they all seem to disappear when I travel up north ... weird , huh ? a numeracy test is NOT simple maths questions . they were hard , simple I 'm sure for someone with gcse maths , but not for me . I could NOT marry &NAME ; he would never have anyone with as lax moral standards as mine . " &CHAR " wrote to thank my computer ( " daisy " ) for the egetwell card she sent cammie . he said &NAME was a bit erratic ... that 's what you get with all that movng about and overuse , I guess ! &NAME and I went to &NAME , &CHAR phone &CHAR &NAME and he came and had coffee with us and then invited me and dad and little miss &NAME back to his house and we all had lunch and watched hte boat race ( an old odd english tradition you might not subscribe to ) . I am getting my hair cut too , sometime this week , I hav not had it cut since ... &CHAR , let me think ... october ... that 's nealy &NUM months ! ! ! ! no wonder it looks ick ... I am going to the library &NAME ! orrow to work and then I hav to go to the optician 's AGAIN because my new leneses are weird , stupid opticians , ca n't get anything right ! that 's it for interset I think , sorry ! I am going to &NAME 's party next weekend which I am not really lookinf forward to , but I am othet wise dull and unexiting . I am surprsied at the content of &NAME 's email . he could get raided by the police if he is not careful ! I shall adiue . watch &NAME bremner tongiht ( amusing ) and the thing about the sound of music children on wednesday ( cool ! ) . love till we meet again , o my &NAME ... &NAME x Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: sound of music okay , wednesday , &NAME , channel &NUM : the sound of music children ; after they were famous ... watch it and weep ! love to y' all , &NAME Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME OF COURSE I HAVE &NAME MATHS From : &NAME To : &EMAIL Subject : &NAME &NAME : Mon , &NUM Mar &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM My dearest &NAME ... ( etcetera ! ) 'Simple I 'm sure for someone with &NAME maths , but not for me . " - Do you not have &NAME maths ? " I could NOT marry &NAME ; he would never have anyone with as lax moral standards as mine . " - In the words of &NAME : " You could change " . Seriously though , do you really have lax moral standards ? 'Daisy " ? ? ! ! Okay ! &NAME sends &NAME her greetings and will get to know her better later in the holidays . " He said &NAME was a bit erratic ... that 's what you get with all that moving about and overuse , I guess ! " - &NAME ! " I phoned &NAME and he came and had coffee with us " - &NAME ! ! Lunch with &NAME ! Things are moving quickly . No , I did not watch the boat race . Was &NAME pleased that &NAME won ? ( I did get that right , did n't I ? ) Anyway , yesterday I saw the sun for the first time since my return ! I was up in &NAME all day visiting my grandmother . We went to &NAME &NAME and ( do n't tell &NAME ) shopped for my grandmother . We then went a walk , but it was bitterly cold . Are you getting your hair cut very short ? As short as &NAME 's? That would look quite amusing ! Enjoy the party you 're going to at the weekend . I 'm working today , so I 'd better go and do that now . Thanks for the information about the Sound of Music programme . I had seen it advertised and was intending to watch it . " I am surprised at the content of &NAME 's e-mail . He could get raided by the police if he is not careful ! " - I 'm pretty certain &NAME gets raided by the police on an almost daily basis . How could anyone who looks so suspicious be left to live in peace ? Why do you think his family are thinking about moving to &NAME ? I can see the headlines 'Medlock &NAME &NAME Caught In &NAME Police &NAME " &NAME &NAME ( &NUM ) was arrested today for illegal possession of heroin . An early morning raid on his family home in &NAME uncovered in excess of &NUM million pounds worth ( estimated street value ) of the illegal drug . Thought to be the ringleader of an organised crime family with links to the mafia , &NAME is now contemplating &NUM years without much hope of parole . " He ruled our house with terror . It was something about those steely brown eyes of his " sobs his &NUM year old sister . &NAME remains non-communicative ( apparently an unusual state says his psychologist ) and unhelpful . We will bring you more news later . Now I really must be off to work ! &NAME my love &NAME Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME dearest . thank you for the timmish words of advice . I could not change , &NAME loves me the way I am . I do n't know , do YOU think I have moral standards or not ? &NAME looks forward to the ever closening day when she gets to know our pet a little better . no , things are NOT moving quickly with &NAME . they are not moving anywhere at all . I have not had my hair cut as short as &NAME 's, surprisingly . you are so strange . I would not make myself an object of ridicule just for your amusement . why ca n't I tell &NAME you went shopping ? does n't he like you helping old people ? if &NAME were ever to get caught by the police , I am sure they would not prosecute him after interviewing him and " let 's look at what heroin really means " for &NUM solid hours would probably put them off . but that was amusing . " what exactly is heroin ? " , mr . &NAME 's girlfriend asked . " is it sticky and golden and sweet ? he has a lot of that lying around " . police failed to bring conspiracy to supply charges against miss &NAME ( &NUM ) when she failed to turn up to her bail hearing for the 56th time running . " I was doing some drama " , miss &NAME told the judge who dismissed her case as " nonsense " after talking to her for &NUM minutes . 'she could never find out what drugs were , never mind know how to supply them " , he said . I have ahd my hair cut but it does n't look great , never mind . I 'll just tie it up . I have n't done a lot of work yet but I have been out for another run ! I have got to go ; &NAME and I are suppoesed to be chatting noline , but you know what she 's like with anything that does n't have pages to turn ! &CHAR , well , here we go . be assured of my love ! &NAME ps . when are we going to connect ... via the internet , of course ? Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: &NAME My dearest &NAME ... ( etcetera ! ) 'Simple I 'm sure for someone with &NAME maths , but not for me . " - Do you not have &NAME maths ? " I could NOT marry &NAME ; he would never have anyone with as lax moral standards as mine . " - In the words of &NAME : " You could change " . Seriously though , do you really have lax moral standards ? 'Daisy " ? ? ! ! Okay ! &NAME sends &NAME her greetings and will get to know her better later in the holidays . " He said &NAME was a bit erratic ... that 's what you get with all that moving about and overuse , I guess ! " - &NAME ! " I phoned &NAME and he came and had coffee with us " - &NAME ! ! Lunch with &NAME ! Things are moving quickly . No , I did not watch the boat race . Was &NAME pleased that &NAME won ? ( I did get that right , did n't I ? ) Anyway , yesterday I saw the sun for the first time since my return ! I was up in &NAME all day visiting my grandmother . We went to &NAME &NAME and ( do n't tell &NAME ) shopped for my grandmother . We then went a walk , but it was bitterly cold . Are you getting your hair cut very short ? As short as &NAME 's? That would look quite amusing ! Enjoy the party you 're going to at the weekend . I 'm working today , so I 'd better go and do that now . Thanks for the information about the Sound of Music programme . I had seen it advertised and was intending to watch it . " I am surprised at the content of &NAME 's e-mail . He could get raided by the police if he is not careful ! " - I 'm pretty certain &NAME gets raided by the police on an almost daily basis . How could anyone who looks so suspicious be left to live in peace ? Why do you think his family are thinking about moving to &NAME ? I can see the headlines 'Medlock &NAME &NAME Caught In &NAME Police &NAME " &NAME &NAME ( &NUM ) was arrested today for illegal possession of heroin . An early morning raid on his family home in &NAME uncovered in excess of &NUM million pounds worth ( estimated street value ) of the illegal drug . Thought to be the ringleader of an organised crime family with links to the mafia , &NAME is now contemplating &NUM years without much hope of parole . " He ruled our house with terror . It was something about those steely brown eyes of his " sobs his &NUM year old sister . &NAME remains non-communicative ( apparently an unusual state says his psychologist ) and unhelpful . We will bring you more news later . Now I really must be off to work ! &NAME my love &NAME SUBJECT: ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? &NAME : ? &NAME , &NAME , or ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? Canadian3F ? My dearest &NAME , " I could not change , &NAME loves me the way I am . I do n't know , do YOU think I have moral standards or not ? " - Do I have your permission to be " holy " ? &NAME loves us . He does n't like us the way we are , that 's why he wants to change us to be like &NAME . I 'm sure you do have moral standards . Not as strong as &NAME 's, well , perhaps just different . &NAME has the effect on me of inducing me to relax my moral standards . There is something about people with higher moral standards than your own which can be slightly suffocating . I have not discussed morals at length with you , so I ca n't say very much , except that you come across as being more concerned with being able to get alongside people in order for them to notice that you 're a Christian and talk about it in their own time , rather than being more separate from them . This is good . It is also good not to compromise your principles - that is what &NAME does . I am not saying you do , and I am not judging you - please remember this ! Out of curiosity , and as a topic for conversation , what do you think about my moral principles ? 'Daisy looks forward to the ever-closening day when she gets to know our pet a little better . " - Soon to be . " No , things are NOT moving quickly with &NAME . They are not moving anywhere at all . " - Have I struck a nerve ? &NAME , just joking . " I would not make myself an object of ridicule just for your amusement . " - &NAME I 'm disappointed . &NAME did . " Why ca n't I tell &NAME you went shopping ? Does n't he like you helping old people ? " It was on a Sunday , &NAME I like being patronising to people ! The story about &NAME and &NAME was absolutely hilarious . You made me laugh a lot . Thank you , you are very funny . " I have had my hair cut , but it does n't look great , never mind . I 'll just tie it up . " - If it 's not as bad as &NAME 's then it 's fine . " I have n't done a lot of work yet but I have been out for another run ! " - Do n't worry , you sound as if you 've done more work than &NAME , and running is good . Have you started your diet again yet ? " When are we going to connect via the internet , of course ? " - Oh , good ! Well , what about Friday evening at &NAME ? Are you free then ? Can you use &NAME instant messenger , then we do n't have to bother about chat-rooms ? It only takes &NUM minutes or so to download , and it 's wonderful . If you want the web-address , then ask me for it . Now , what do you think about the following adverts for the &NAME thing ? For &NAME &NAME , &NAME CMT-CPT . CD-player , hifi , radio , cassette , mini-disk capability . &NAME new , barely used , speakers included Only £ &NUM For &NAME &NAME &NAME guitar . Good condition . Bargain . £ &NUM Well ? I should think &NAME 's guitar is definitely a " bargain " , considering he bought it for £ &NUM in a sale ! This will be most amusing ! I 'm going down to &NAME tomorrow , and will post the adverts then . I may telephone you from the flat sometime . Is there anything you want done ? I 'd better do some of my lab-report now . So long my love &NAME &NAME April 1st is fast approaching - we need ideas ! &NAME I 've just received this news from &NAME yesterday : " As of this afternoon I decided never to have children ! " Very interesting . &NAME This is just in from &NAME too : " I am going to see &NAME tomorrow , and we will do 'sporty " things . " Curiouser and curiouser . &NAME &NAME has made a startling revelation to me . It is big news , but he wants me to keep it under my hat for the moment . I am actively seeking clearance , as it could be quite amusing to publish to the world . ( Do n't worry , it 's just ridiculous news , regarding &NAME . ) I shall keep you updated . Adieu . SUBJECT: morals ? antles , I think ... dearest ... I did n't mean that &NAME does n't want me to change , I meant that he accepts me as I am and judges me in the most holy and righteous way , he does n't want to make me change , he wants me to change because I love him , not for the sake of being " good " . I think I do compromise my principles more than &NAME , which is not good , but then my principles are differnet to his , so he may consider something I 've done a lapse when I would n't, if you see what I mean . &NAME is very pricipled , which is cool , and I reallt appreciate that in him . but I know what you mean about suffocation . my parents have the same effect ! while I remeber , could you email me the text of the article because I ca n't open it on my computer . thank you . umm , &NAME , send me the aol thing and we 'll do friday night ... cool ! umm , I have a great trick for april the first ... I 'll tell you about it on friday . may &CHAR te ! ll &NAME about &NAME 's lack of productiveness in the offspring area ? I think she would be interested . I look forward to hearing your &NAME news ... is she soon to be bin-fodder ? aah , got to go , children from s.o.m. on soon , have to email helpdesk before then too . &NAME , &NAME xx Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: &NAME : Reindeer headgear misspelt My Darling &NAME , Thank you for the morals talk . That makes sense . ( &NUM ) I 'll send the text of the article soon . ( &NUM ) &NAME , the &NAME thing ... &NAME &NAME &NAME Service can be downloaded from the following location . The download should not take too long , and the software is great . Contact me if you have any problems . &WEBSITE ( &NUM ) Friday night , &NAME . I look forward to hearing of your trick for April 1st ! ( &NUM ) Yes , please tell &NAME about &NAME 's offspring revelation . Here 's the quote again : " As of this afternoon I decided never to have children ! " Well , I 'm in &NAME just now . I 've been to the flat and am just about to go to &NAME where I shall post the advertisements . I 'm meeting up with &NAME , for lunch , who is here to do her Economics project . Forever your sweet ... ( etc. ) &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME yes but I do n't know how to use the aol thing , so I will be here . it 's antoineIce by the way , not &NAME . anyway , we can sort it at &NUM &NAME &NAME From : &NAME To : &EMAIL Subject : &NAME &NAME : Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , Are you still able to chat this evening at &NAME ? &NAME Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: &NAME Hi &NAME , Are you still able to chat this evening at &NAME ? &NAME SUBJECT: Hi ! Dear &NAME , It was lovely to talk with you the other evening . Did you have a nice time in &NAME today ? I bought a &NUM meter long rope out of the flat account yesterday . It was only about £ &NUM or so . Next term is going to be fun ! Anyway , I 've now got a hotmail account ! Please do n't e-mail me there though , as I like to have all my e-mails in my &NAME &NAME folders . However , I can now use &NAME &NAME as well as &NAME ! Well , I 'm off to &NAME &NAME tomorrow morning . I hope you enjoy &NAME &NAME , and I look forward to chatting again sometime during the last week of term . Best wishes , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME yes but I do n't know how to use the aol thing , so I will be here . it 's antoineIce by the way , not &NAME . anyway , we can sort it at &NUM &NAME &NAME From : &NAME To : &EMAIL Subject : &NAME &NAME : Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , Are you still able to chat this evening at &NAME ? &NAME Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: hey babe pet , hope you have a great time in &NAME and that you do n't catch foot and mouth ( I think &NAME has foot in mouth ) . I am looking forward to going to rainy cold intense &NAME . lucky lucky me . I only ate salad today . I like food too much to be on a diet but I feel fat too so ... anyway . &NAME &NAME xx From : &NAME To : &EMAIL Subject : Hi ! &NAME : Wed , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear &NAME , It was lovely to talk with you the other evening . Did you have a nice time in &NAME today ? I bought a &NUM meter long rope out of the flat account yesterday . It was only about £ &NUM or so . Next term is going to be fun ! Anyway , I 've now got a hotmail account ! Please do n't e-mail me there though , as I like to have all my e-mails in my &NAME &NAME folders . However , I can now use &NAME &NAME as well as &NAME ! Well , I 'm off to &NAME &NAME tomorrow morning . I hope you enjoy &NAME &NAME , and I look forward to chatting again sometime during the last week of term . Best wishes , &NAME Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME , Hi ! Did you have a good time at " &NAME &NAME " ? Did you do anything interesting ? Thanks for your e-mail , which I received whilst on holiday . I had a lovely holiday in &NAME &NAME , did not see any Irish mice , and sent you a postcard . Incidentally , I know I wrote in my postcard that the &NAME Isle had no foot and mouth , and I 'd just like to make it clear that the postcard was written before the current outbreaks . &NAME 's mum is 'secretly worried that &NAME might be a drug dealer . " What do you think of &NAME 's well-thought-out cottage idea ? Well , " we could make it very cheap " ( is she hinting at a subsidy here ? ) and " we could invite LOADS of people " ( delightful ) and " or somewhere " ( as usual , an excellent grasp of specifics ) somehow sound interesting . So , about &NUM people are descending on a very cheap cottage for a week - how delightful . A lovely idea ; it might even work . I have been revising organic chemistry for a week ( this is the first time in my life I 've studied the topic , which is about a third of my degree , and I 'm pleased to say I am enjoying it and it is rather interesting ! ) . I have also been moping over the demise of &NAME and the ascendancy of &NAME . Oh dear , change again . &NAME really ought to have tried harder . The mass populace ( &NAME ) thinks she 's old and past-it . &NAME seems to have all the appeal these days . Well , today I had a lazy morning as I was tired from &NUM hours travelling yesterday - we did n't get home until &NAME last night . I then did a small amount of studying this afternoon . I am shortly going outside ( it 's very windy weather , but otherwise pleasant ) to build a step up to our house . I will be using cement for the first time in my life ! Would you like to chat online sometime ? &NAME and I may be doing so this evening at &NAME , although I have n't heard from him , so it 's doubtful . Whenever is convenient , send me an e-mail . I 'm looking forward to seeing you soon , &NAME &NAME When are you going back up to &NAME ? SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME my little &NAME . sadly I will not be able to talkt to you until I get back to uni ( friday ) because my stupid daft idiotic nasty computer has broken down and I am typing this in the .library- I was unale to go a week without my hotmail ! thank you for the posatcard . it entertained me . I am not realy looking forward to &NAME 's holiday , although I do wonder whether it will actually happen ... why does &NAME 's mother think that &NAME might be adrug dealer ? ( founded in truth , I think ) is &NAME &NAME 's new computer ? char;ie is a silly name . it should be female and flowery , to fit in with all the other computers . I am gald you have done soem work . I have done virtually none , whicvhcmakes me quite scraed about the exams . I have to go . my sisietr is waiting to take me home ... it 's nioce having a chauffeur ! ! I will talk to you soon . prob , sat . love &NAME xx Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: [ Fwd : &NAME image &NAME pixels ] SUBJECT: Re : [ Fwd : &NAME image &NAME pixels ] babe , remind me to ask you about the grass and whether it worked or not . &NAME &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Very amusing . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &WEBSITE ? fetch)UID)|INBOX)3809&part1.2.1.2.1.3 [ Image ] SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME . Thank you both for your long and eulogous replies . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : [ Fwd : &NAME image &NAME pixels ] Very amusing . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &WEBSITE ? fetch)UID)|INBOX)3809&part1.2.1.2.1.3 [ Image ] SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME . You 're welcome . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : Thank you both for your long and eulogous replies . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME . No problem . &NAME &NAME wrote : You 're welcome . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : Thank you both for your long and eulogous replies . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME . Thank you for your reply . It cheered me up . I am having a nasty practical . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : No problem . &NAME &NAME wrote : You 're welcome . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : Thank you both for your long and eulogous replies . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME . honeypie , I 'll see you at &NUM . love &NAME x &NAME wrote : Thank you for your reply . It cheered me up . I am having a nasty practical . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : No problem . &NAME &NAME wrote : You 're welcome . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : Thank you both for your long and eulogous replies . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME , We really do need to get &NAME 's mobile phone sometime . &NAME 's as well . Hope you are well . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ? yes , yes and thank you , yes . &NAME x &NAME wrote : &NAME , We really do need to get &NAME 's mobile phone sometime . &NAME 's as well . Hope you are well . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Water Board Germs Committee Dear Sir , Your &NAME Country / Cockney accent ( were you born on a train ? ) appears to be missing . Please correct this . Yours , a satisfied customer P.S. I saw &NAME today in the library . He was about to go and give a presentation to a Mr. &NAME on the dangers of &NAME . " &NAME & Co. " wrote : &NAME , I 'm from the water board . I do hope you have n't been drinking the water from your taps without boiling it . There could be dangerous diseases in it . I 'm collaborating with my colleague , &NAME , from the &NAME . Remember , always boil your water . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Water Board Germs Committee &NAME " ere . &NAME am a zimple country fellooow an " &NAME objeeect to " aving moi acceeent maocked . &NAME work for the &NAME of &NAME " , &NAME do , an " &NAME want yous all to respeeect thaaat . &NAME . " &NAME &NAME " wrote : Dear Sir , Your &NAME Country / Cockney accent ( were you born on a train ? ) appears to be missing . Please correct this . Yours , a satisfied customer P.S. I saw &NAME today in the library . He was about to go and give a presentation to a Mr. &NAME on the dangers of &NAME . " &NAME & Co. " wrote : &NAME , I 'm from the water board . I do hope you have n't been drinking the water from your taps without boiling it . There could be dangerous diseases in it . I 'm collaborating with my colleague , &NAME , from the &NAME . Remember , always boil your water . SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME , I am bored revising ! Anyway , I just got theis e-mail , and although it is 'scandalously irreverent " , some parts are rather amusing . See you later , &NAME &NAME Remember to do those exam rules if you have time ! SIPPING VODKA A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak . After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done . The monsignor replied , " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit , I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass . If I start to get nervous , I take a sip . " So the next Sunday he took the monsignor 's advice . At the beginning of the sermon , he got nervous and took a drink . He proceeded to talk up a storm . Upon his return to his office after mass , he found the following note on the door : &NUM Sip the Vodka , do n't gulp . &NUM There are &NUM commandments , not &NUM . &NUM There are &NUM disciples , not &NUM . &NUM &NAME was consecrated , not constipated . &NUM &NAME wagered his donkey , he did not bet his ass . &NUM We do not refer to &NAME &NAME as the late &NAME &NUM The Father , &NAME , and &NAME &NAME are not referred to as Daddy , Junior and the Spook . &NUM &NAME slew &NAME , he did not kick the shit out of him . &NUM When &NAME was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey do n't say he was stoned off his ass . &NUM We do not refer to the cross as the " &NAME &NAME " &NUM When &NAME broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,' Take this and eat it for it is my body . " He did not say " Eat me . " &NUM The Virgin &NAME is not called &NAME with the &NAME , " &NUM The recommended grace before a meal is not : Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub , &NAME &NAME . &NUM Next Sunday there will be a &NAME pulling contest at &NAME &NAME 's, not a &NAME pulling contest at &NAME &NAME 's. &NAME sent this to me . SUBJECT: Repeat after me : ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? 22Libraries ? are ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? FUN22 ... ? Dear &NAME , &NAME again . I hope you have a useful and productive day in the library . You are impressively studious these days . Anyway , I am about to start my day 's work - Computational Chemistry , which is my first exam next Monday afternoon . &NAME is still crooning away to himself accompanied by his guitar , although he said he had a sore throat this morning . &NAME is wandering aimlessly about the flat , and &NAME is in her room doing goodness knows what . I am typing to you and listening to &NAME sound files . Once again , have a lovely day . &NAME &NAME &NAME is now " accompanying " &NAME now . You 're fortunate to have chosen the library in which to work . Here follow some phrases which I have designated to our dear friends &NAME " It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others " &NAME &NAME " Excellence is never an accident " &NAME &NAME " Never fear shadows they simply mean there 's a light shining nearby " &NAME &NAME " Always remember you are unique just like everybody else " &NAME &NAME " Eat one live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed skydiving is not for you " &NAME &NAME " When you do n't know what to do walk fast and look worried " &NAME &NAME " Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not a sense of humour to console him for what he is " &NAME &NAME " If you do n't have time to do it right when will you have time to do it over ? " &NAME &NAME " A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking " &NAME &NAME " He who makes a mistake and fails to correct it makes another " &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Repeat after me : ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? 22Libraries ? are ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? FUN22 ... ? Dear &NAME , That was absolutely hilarious ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! You really made me laugh . In fact , so much so that &NAME just heard me and demanded to know what I had done . &NAME seems to equate my laughter with devious cunning . Wonderful idea to do more and put them up in the flat ! &NAME " I do n't understand " &NAME &NAME " All I know is that I 'm really bad " &NAME Etc. . . &NAME do some this evening ! &NAME &NAME Thaks for texting &NAME ! P.P.S. You have cheered me up too . You have cheered me up ... &NAME " I love you ! ! ! ! " &NAME &NAME " Too many cooks spoil ... wait , no , I spoil the broth all by myself " &NAME &NAME " Are you not entertained ? " &NAME &NAME " &NAME people is a way of life " &NAME &NAME " If in doubt , say something sarcastic " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed , correct the other person 's mistake and then try again " &NAME &NAME " &NAME , sorry ... " &NAME &NAME " A bird in the ... room &NUM doors down is pretty convenient " &NAME &NAME 'Minion " &NAME &NAME " A girl and her wardrobe should not be parted " &NAME &NAME " 'Show me the money '' &NAME &NAME " Rocks are a way of life " &NAME &NAME 'Stop , look , listen . Think . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Speak . " &NAME &NAME " Life is like a box of chocolates ; I 'll offer you one and the rest are mine " &NAME &NAME " &NAME blonde " &NAME Well , that entertained me for a lot longer than it should have done . Let 's think of loads and then we can put them up in the flat . Thanks , pet ! Love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , &NAME again . I hope you have a useful and productive day in the library . You are impressively studious these days . Anyway , I am about to start my day 's work - Computational Chemistry , which is my first exam next Monday afternoon . &NAME is still crooning away to himself accompanied by his guitar , although he said he had a sore throat this morning . &NAME is wandering aimlessly about the flat , and &NAME is in her room doing goodness knows what . I am typing to you and listening to &NAME sound files . Once again , have a lovely day . &NAME &NAME &NAME is now " accompanying " &NAME now . You 're fortunate to have chosen the library in which to work . Here follow some phrases which I have designated to our dear friends ? &NAME " It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others " &NAME &NAME " Excellence is never an accident " &NAME &NAME " Never fear shadows ? they simply mean there 's a light shining nearby " &NAME &NAME " Always remember you are unique ? just like everybody else " &NAME &NAME " Eat one live frog first thing in the morning ? and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed ? skydiving is not for you " &NAME &NAME " When you do n't know what to do ? walk fast and look worried " &NAME &NAME " Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not ? a sense of humour to console him for what he is " &NAME &NAME " If you do n't have time to do it right ? when will you have time to do it over ? " &NAME &NAME " A conclusion is simply the place ? where you got tired of thinking " &NAME &NAME " He who makes a mistake and fails to correct it ? makes another " &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Repeat after me : ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? 22Libraries ? are ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? FUN22 ... ? Dear &NAME , Once again , you have excelled yourself . Very amusing . ( By the way , do I really blank people ? ) By the way , I got another crossword clue . Anyway , I look forward to receiving more later . I shall try and think of some to send you too . &NAME Babe : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME " &NAME &NAME " I 'm really bad . I 'm a terrible person . No , but if you could just see what I was thinking ... " &NAME &NAME " &NAME was nice really " &NAME &NAME " &NAME and I are always right " &NAME &NAME " Believe in yourself ... failing that , believe in me " &NAME &NAME " I feel , like , as if , like ... " &NAME &NAME " The answer to any question is drama " &NAME &NAME " I have the answer to any question ; it 's just that it 'll take a while to elucidate " &NAME &NAME 'Should be lecturing in economics ... no , wait , I already do that " &NAME &NAME " Empirical evidence for evolution " &NAME &NAME , I have to work , I 'm sure you 'll get some more later on ! Love &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , That was absolutely hilarious ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! You really made me laugh . In fact , so much so that &NAME just heard me and demanded to know what I had done . &NAME seems to equate my laughter with devious cunning . Wonderful idea to do more and put them up in the flat ! &NAME " I do n't understand " &NAME &NAME " All I know is that I 'm really bad " &NAME Etc. . . &NAME do some this evening ! &NAME &NAME Thaks for texting &NAME ! P.P.S. You have cheered me up too . You have cheered me up ... &NAME " I love you ! ! ! ! " &NAME &NAME " Too many cooks spoil ... wait , no , I spoil the broth all by myself " &NAME &NAME " Are you not entertained ? " &NAME &NAME " &NAME people is a way of life " &NAME &NAME " If in doubt , say something sarcastic " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed , correct the other person 's mistake and then try again " &NAME &NAME " &NAME , sorry ... " &NAME &NAME " A bird in the ... room &NUM doors down is pretty convenient " &NAME &NAME 'Minion " &NAME &NAME " A girl and her wardrobe should not be parted " &NAME &NAME " 'Show me the money '' &NAME &NAME " Rocks are a way of life " &NAME &NAME 'Stop , look , listen . Think . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Speak . " &NAME &NAME " Life is like a box of chocolates ; I 'll offer you one and the rest are mine " &NAME &NAME " &NAME blonde " &NAME Well , that entertained me for a lot longer than it should have done . Let 's think of loads and then we can put them up in the flat . Thanks , pet ! Love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , &NAME again . I hope you have a useful and productive day in the library . You are impressively studious these days . Anyway , I am about to start my day 's work - Computational Chemistry , which is my first exam next Monday afternoon . &NAME is still crooning away to himself accompanied by his guitar , although he said he had a sore throat this morning . &NAME is wandering aimlessly about the flat , and &NAME is in her room doing goodness knows what . I am typing to you and listening to &NAME sound files . Once again , have a lovely day . &NAME &NAME &NAME is now " accompanying " &NAME now . You 're fortunate to have chosen the library in which to work . Here follow some phrases which I have designated to our dear friends ? &NAME " It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others " &NAME &NAME " Excellence is never an accident " &NAME &NAME " Never fear shadows ? they simply mean there 's a light shining nearby " &NAME &NAME " Always remember you are unique ? just like everybody else " &NAME &NAME " Eat one live frog first thing in the morning ? and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed ? skydiving is not for you " &NAME &NAME " When you do n't know what to do ? walk fast and look worried " &NAME &NAME " Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not ? a sense of humour to console him for what he is " &NAME &NAME " If you do n't have time to do it right ? when will you have time to do it over ? " &NAME &NAME " A conclusion is simply the place ? where you got tired of thinking " &NAME &NAME " He who makes a mistake and fails to correct it ? makes another " &NAME SUBJECT: ( MESSAGE ) ( DATE ) Sat , &NUM May &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM ( &NUM ) ( MESSAGE_BODY ) Dear &NAME , Yes , I 'd already compiled them . We can look at them this evening if it 's convenient for you . I 'm just about to read your latest batch , so I 'll comment soon . &NAME 's been lecturing me on the virtue of proportionate response . This was as a result of &NAME locking me in the boiler room for half a minute , and then me promising vengeance . The lecture annoyed me . I mean , what on earth had it to do with &NAME anyway ? ! &NAME , I 'm venting my frustrations on text . Oh well , do n't some things just make you so angry ? ! I 've not got very much work done today , and I really could do without this party tonight ; but please do n't tell &NAME I said that . &NAME my e-mail is full of self-pity . Thanks for the text message . &NAME &NAME &NAME and log in as AntoineIce if you 'd like to . &NAME SUBJECT: Hi ! Dear &NAME , &NAME 's just been online for the first time . She was connected in my room with &NAME a few minutes ago . Now she 's talking to &NAME in his room . She is sitting on his lap and saying , in a soft American accent , " your batteries are not fully charged . She keeps repeating this , changing it sometimes to " your batteries are running low . What did you think of &NAME 's " Christian pickup lines e-mail ? It 's a gorgeous day . &NAME has taken to revising on the chair outside my door , but is now playing &NAME 's guitar in his room . Your latest selection is wonderful . I like the &NAME &NUM , but I agree that we should not broadcast such material on the walls of &NAME &NAME &NAME " I used to be &NAME &NAME &NAME " I only pretend to revise &NAME &NAME " I 'm just tidying my room &NAME &NAME " I think you 're LOVELY &NAME &NAME 'My degree is n't intellectually challenging enough &NAME &NAME " Geology is interesting &NAME &NAME " I need a mirror , QUICKLY ! &NAME &NAME " I really do n't want to be photographed Oh well , if you insist &NAME &NAME 'Surgical conditions &NAME &NAME , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME ( & &NAME ) , Just a short e-mail to ask if you wanted me to bring the apples ( hard , very hard - you know , they do n't seem to like people who bash apples together in &NAME , funny that ... ) , biscuits and crisps for the picnic lunch ? Please let me know either way by texting &NAME or telephoning the flat . ( I wo n't be online again " till later . ) Thanks awfully . &NAME &NAME I shall endeavor to construct an appropriate top &NUM sometime this afternoon &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME actually , we have &NUM in &NUM days . is n't that just lovely ? &NAME wrote : &NAME , Should we leave it till after exams ? I think the girls have &NUM in the first &NUM days - maybe we could do it after that ? What do you think ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME and I were hoping to invite you guys all for dinner in &NAME Vac this Friday , but &NAME has the place booked already . So , could you all decide on a time when you can make dinner over the next week and get back to me . Please notify &NAME of this also . Its nothing personal I just could n't remember his surname . I look forward to repaying you for some pretty darn good dinners in the first term this year and hope you are all , well , well . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME no , &NAME , this is my idea of an amusing prank . what do you think ? &NAME wrote : Really ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : actually , we have &NUM in &NUM days . is n't that just lovely ? &NAME wrote : &NAME , Should we leave it till after exams ? I think the girls have &NUM in the first &NUM days - maybe we could do it after that ? What do you think ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME and I were hoping to invite you guys all for dinner in &NAME Vac this Friday , but &NAME has the place booked already . So , could you all decide on a time when you can make dinner over the next week and get back to me . Please notify &NAME of this also . Its nothing personal I just could n't remember his surname . I look forward to repaying you for some pretty darn good dinners in the first term this year and hope you are all , well , well . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME it 's not really a joke . we do have these exams . I am scared . I am going to go revise now . adieu &NAME wrote : Quite good , especially since &NAME seems to be taken in by it . How are you ? I 'm at home , having curious problems . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : no , &NAME , this is my idea of an amusing prank . what do you think ? &NAME wrote : Really ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : actually , we have &NUM in &NUM days . is n't that just lovely ? &NAME wrote : SUBJECT: Re : Repeat after me : " Libraries are &NAME " ... You have cheered me up ... &NAME " I love you ! ! ! ! " &NAME &NAME " Too many cooks spoil ... wait , no , I spoil the broth all by myself " &NAME &NAME " Are you not entertained ? " &NAME &NAME " &NAME people is a way of life " &NAME &NAME " If in doubt , say something sarcastic " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed , correct the other person 's mistake and then try again " &NAME &NAME " &NAME , sorry ... " &NAME &NAME " A bird in the ... room &NUM doors down is pretty convenient " &NAME &NAME 'Minion " &NAME &NAME " A girl and her wardrobe should not be parted " &NAME &NAME " 'Show me the money '' &NAME &NAME " Rocks are a way of life " &NAME &NAME 'Stop , look , listen . Think . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Speak . " &NAME &NAME " Life is like a box of chocolates ; I 'll offer you one and the rest are mine " &NAME &NAME " &NAME blonde " &NAME Well , that entertained me for a lot longer than it should have done . Let 's think of loads and then we can put them up in the flat . Thanks , pet ! Love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , &NAME again . I hope you have a useful and productive day in the library . You are impressively studious these days . Anyway , I am about to start my day 's work - Computational Chemistry , which is my first exam next Monday afternoon . &NAME is still crooning away to himself accompanied by his guitar , although he said he had a sore throat this morning . &NAME is wandering aimlessly about the flat , and &NAME is in her room doing goodness knows what . I am typing to you and listening to &NAME sound files . Once again , have a lovely day . &NAME &NAME &NAME is now " accompanying " &NAME now . You 're fortunate to have chosen the library in which to work . Here follow some phrases which I have designated to our dear friends &NAME " It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others " &NAME &NAME " Excellence is never an accident " &NAME &NAME " Never fear shadows they simply mean there 's a light shining nearby " &NAME &NAME " Always remember you are unique just like everybody else " &NAME &NAME " Eat one live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed skydiving is not for you " &NAME &NAME " When you do n't know what to do walk fast and look worried " &NAME &NAME " Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not a sense of humour to console him for what he is " &NAME &NAME " If you do n't have time to do it right when will you have time to do it over ? " &NAME &NAME " A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking " &NAME &NAME " He who makes a mistake and fails to correct it makes another " &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Repeat after me : " Libraries are &NAME " ... Babe : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME " &NAME &NAME " I 'm really bad . I 'm a terrible person . No , but if you could just see what I was thinking ... " &NAME &NAME " &NAME was nice really " &NAME &NAME " &NAME and I are always right " &NAME &NAME " Believe in yourself ... failing that , believe in me " &NAME &NAME " I feel , like , as if , like ... " &NAME &NAME " The answer to any question is drama " &NAME &NAME " I have the answer to any question ; it 's just that it 'll take a while to elucidate " &NAME &NAME 'Should be lecturing in economics ... no , wait , I already do that " &NAME &NAME " Empirical evidence for evolution " &NAME &NAME , I have to work , I 'm sure you 'll get some more later on ! Love &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , That was absolutely hilarious ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! You really made me laugh . In fact , so much so that &NAME just heard me and demanded to know what I had done . &NAME seems to equate my laughter with devious cunning . Wonderful idea to do more and put them up in the flat ! &NAME " I do n't understand " &NAME &NAME " All I know is that I 'm really bad " &NAME Etc. . . &NAME do some this evening ! &NAME &NAME Thaks for texting &NAME ! P.P.S. You have cheered me up too . You have cheered me up ... &NAME " I love you ! ! ! ! " &NAME &NAME " Too many cooks spoil ... wait , no , I spoil the broth all by myself " &NAME &NAME " Are you not entertained ? " &NAME &NAME " &NAME people is a way of life " &NAME &NAME " If in doubt , say something sarcastic " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed , correct the other person 's mistake and then try again " &NAME &NAME " &NAME , sorry ... " &NAME &NAME " A bird in the ... room &NUM doors down is pretty convenient " &NAME &NAME 'Minion " &NAME &NAME " A girl and her wardrobe should not be parted " &NAME &NAME " 'Show me the money '' &NAME &NAME " Rocks are a way of life " &NAME &NAME 'Stop , look , listen . Think . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Speak . " &NAME &NAME " Life is like a box of chocolates ; I 'll offer you one and the rest are mine " &NAME &NAME " &NAME blonde " &NAME Well , that entertained me for a lot longer than it should have done . Let 's think of loads and then we can put them up in the flat . Thanks , pet ! Love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Hello again . I hope you have a useful and productive day in the library . You are impressively studious these days . Anyway , I am about to start my day 's work - Computational Chemistry , which is my first exam next Monday afternoon . &NAME is still crooning away to himself accompanied by his guitar , although he said he had a sore throat this morning . &NAME is wandering aimlessly about the flat , and &NAME is in her room doing goodness knows what . I am typing to you and listening to &NAME sound files . Once again , have a lovely day . &NAME &NAME &NAME is now " accompanying " &NAME now . You 're fortunate to have chosen the library in which to work . Here follow some phrases which I have designated to our dear friends ? &NAME " It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others " &NAME &NAME " Excellence is never an accident " &NAME &NAME " Never fear shadows ? they simply mean there 's a light shining nearby " &NAME &NAME " Always remember you are unique ? just like everybody else " &NAME &NAME " Eat one live frog first thing in the morning ? and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed ? skydiving is not for you " &NAME &NAME " When you do n't know what to do ? walk fast and look worried " &NAME &NAME " Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not ? a sense of humour to console him for what he is " &NAME &NAME " If you do n't have time to do it right ? when will you have time to do it over ? " &NAME &NAME " A conclusion is simply the place ? where you got tired of thinking " &NAME &NAME " He who makes a mistake and fails to correct it ? makes another " &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Repeat after me : " Libraries are &NAME " ... &NAME , can you compile these sayings ? thanks ... if you have time . love &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Once again , you have excelled yourself . Very amusing . ( By the way , do I really blank people ? ) By the way , I got another crossword clue . Anyway , I look forward to receiving more later . I shall try and think of some to send you too . &NAME Babe : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME " &NAME &NAME " I 'm really bad . I 'm a terrible person . No , but if you could just see what I was thinking ... " &NAME &NAME " &NAME was nice really " &NAME &NAME " &NAME and I are always right " &NAME &NAME " Believe in yourself ... failing that , believe in me " &NAME &NAME " I feel , like , as if , like ... " &NAME &NAME " The answer to any question is drama " &NAME &NAME " I have the answer to any question ; it 's just that it 'll take a while to elucidate " &NAME &NAME 'Should be lecturing in economics ... no , wait , I already do that " &NAME &NAME " Empirical evidence for evolution " &NAME &NAME , I have to work , I 'm sure you 'll get some more later on ! Love &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , That was absolutely hilarious ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! You really made me laugh . In fact , so much so that &NAME just heard me and demanded to know what I had done . &NAME seems to equate my laughter with devious cunning . Wonderful idea to do more and put them up in the flat ! &NAME " I do n't understand " &NAME &NAME " All I know is that I 'm really bad " &NAME Etc. . . &NAME do some this evening ! &NAME &NAME Thaks for texting &NAME ! P.P.S. You have cheered me up too . You have cheered me up ... &NAME " I love you ! ! ! ! " &NAME &NAME " Too many cooks spoil ... wait , no , I spoil the broth all by myself " &NAME &NAME " Are you not entertained ? " &NAME &NAME " &NAME people is a way of life " &NAME &NAME " If in doubt , say something sarcastic " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed , correct the other person 's mistake and then try again " &NAME &NAME " &NAME , sorry ... " &NAME &NAME " A bird in the ... room &NUM doors down is pretty convenient " &NAME &NAME 'Minion " &NAME &NAME " A girl and her wardrobe should not be parted " &NAME &NAME " 'Show me the money '' &NAME &NAME " Rocks are a way of life " &NAME &NAME 'Stop , look , listen . Think . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Speak . " &NAME &NAME " Life is like a box of chocolates ; I 'll offer you one and the rest are mine " &NAME &NAME " &NAME blonde " &NAME Well , that entertained me for a lot longer than it should have done . Let 's think of loads and then we can put them up in the flat . Thanks , pet ! Love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : the am is my guitar , wandering goodness knows have which I warning shining else " nothing you " worried " he is &NAME have of another " SUBJECT: Re : Repeat after me : " Libraries are &NAME " ... &NAME " &NAME , who make chocolate , are the spawn of the devil , but &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and our own government who have all either supplied or funded the purchase of arms for &NAME ; they 're just fine and &NAME " &NAME &NAME " &NAME " &NAME &NAME " &NAME he 's the entire &NAME Symphony Choir on his own recording of " The &NAME '' &NAME &NAME " &NAME are interesting " &NAME &NAME " Where ? " &NAME &NAME " Purification " &NAME &NAME " Love me , love my guitar " &NAME &NAME " Love me , love my rock strata " &NAME &NAME " Love me , love my dettol " &NAME &NAME " Love me , love me . " &NAME &NAME " &NAME " &NAME ( she should get this &NUM ) &NAME " Ice &NAME " &NAME &NAME " &NAME " &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Once again , you have excelled yourself . Very amusing . ( By the way , do I really blank people ? ) By the way , I got another crossword clue . Anyway , I look forward to receiving more later . I shall try and think of some to send you too . &NAME Babe : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME " &NAME &NAME " I 'm really bad . I 'm a terrible person . No , but if you could just see what I was thinking ... " &NAME &NAME " &NAME was nice really " &NAME &NAME " &NAME and I are always right " &NAME &NAME " Believe in yourself ... failing that , believe in me " &NAME &NAME " I feel , like , as if , like ... " &NAME &NAME " The answer to any question is drama " &NAME &NAME " I have the answer to any question ; it 's just that it 'll take a while to elucidate " &NAME &NAME 'Should be lecturing in economics ... no , wait , I already do that " &NAME &NAME " Empirical evidence for evolution " &NAME &NAME , I have to work , I 'm sure you 'll get some more later on ! Love &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , That was absolutely hilarious ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! You really made me laugh . In fact , so much so that &NAME just heard me and demanded to know what I had done . &NAME seems to equate my laughter with devious cunning . Wonderful idea to do more and put them up in the flat ! &NAME " I do n't understand " &NAME &NAME " All I know is that I 'm really bad " &NAME Etc. . . &NAME do some this evening ! &NAME &NAME Thaks for texting &NAME ! P.P.S. You have cheered me up too . You have cheered me up ... &NAME " I love you ! ! ! ! " &NAME &NAME " Too many cooks spoil ... wait , no , I spoil the broth all by myself " &NAME &NAME " Are you not entertained ? " &NAME &NAME " &NAME people is a way of life " &NAME &NAME " If in doubt , say something sarcastic " &NAME &NAME " If at first you do n't succeed , correct the other person 's mistake and then try again " &NAME &NAME " &NAME , sorry ... " &NAME &NAME " A bird in the ... room &NUM doors down is pretty convenient " &NAME &NAME 'Minion " &NAME &NAME " A girl and her wardrobe should not be parted " &NAME &NAME " 'Show me the money '' &NAME &NAME " Rocks are a way of life " &NAME &NAME 'Stop , look , listen . Think . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Pause . Speak . " &NAME &NAME " Life is like a box of chocolates ; I 'll offer you one and the rest are mine " &NAME &NAME " &NAME blonde " &NAME Well , that entertained me for a lot longer than it should have done . Let 's think of loads and then we can put them up in the flat . Thanks , pet ! Love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : the am is my guitar , wandering goodness knows have which I warning shining else " nothing you " worried " he is &NAME have of another " &NAME " Everyone else 's business is my business " &NAME &NAME 'Due to be punished " &NAME &NAME " Asking for it " &NAME &NAME " When did he actually ask us if he could have a party in our flat ? " &NAME &NAME " It 's my birthday ; if you did n't know that , you 've been abnormally deaf for the past &NUM weeks because I 've said it enough times " &NAME ( Keep these above for us , hon ! ) &NAME 'Medlock " &NAME &NAME 'Mr. &NAME " &NAME &NAME 'Darling snuffles " &NAME &NAME " Have a nice day ... I created it , do n't you know ? " &NAME &NAME " Yes , I am the ginger Canadian one " &NAME &NAME 'Monsieur Love " &NAME &NAME " Let 's not talk about me ... yes , I do make funny jokes , do n't I ? " &NAME &NAME 'Mr. &NAME " &NAME &NAME " Taboo is just a board game , boys " &NAME &NAME " I was born great , I achieved greatness , and I have had greatness thrust upon me " &NAME &NAME " I 'm not scared of dying , I just want &NAME to be there when it happens " &NAME &NAME " Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves " &NAME ( aka &NAME &NAME ) &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Yes , I 'd already compiled them . We can look at them this evening if it 's convenient for you . I 'm just about to read your latest batch , so I 'll comment soon . &NAME 's been lecturing me on the virtue of proportionate response . This was as a result of &NAME locking me in the boiler room for half a minute , and then me promising vengeance . The lecture annoyed me . I mean , what on earth had it to do with &NAME anyway ? ! &NAME , I 'm venting my frustrations on text . Oh well , do n't some things just make you so angry ? ! I 've not got very much work done today , and I really could do without this party tonight ; but please do n't tell &NAME I said that . &NAME my e-mail is full of self-pity . Thanks for the text message . &NAME &NAME &NAME and log in as AntoineIce if you 'd like to . &NAME I do n't want to go to the party either . more holy christinas making me feel like some thi &CHAR &NAME dragged out of a swamp . O well . &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Yes , I 'd already compiled them . We can look at them this evening if it 's convenient for you . I 'm just about to read your latest batch , so I 'll comment soon . &NAME 's been lecturing me on the virtue of proportionate response . This was as a result of &NAME locking me in the boiler room for half a minute , and then me promising vengeance . The lecture annoyed me . I mean , what on earth had it to do with &NAME anyway ? ! &NAME , I 'm venting my frustrations on text . Oh well , do n't some things just make you so angry ? ! I 've not got very much work done today , and I really could do without this party tonight ; but please do n't tell &NAME I said that . &NAME my e-mail is full of self-pity . Thanks for the text message . &NAME &NAME &NAME and log in as AntoineIce if you 'd like to . &NAME SUBJECT: ( no subject ) I 'm a comin " home ! SUBJECT: ( no subject ) yes , I realise I said " christinas " and not christians SUBJECT: &NUM / &NUM just a little reminder to those of you who have n't sent me your top &NUM lists yet ... I am incredibly bored and in need of distraction and would be grateful if you could supply it . if you have no idea what I am talking , ignore this email or ask me ! I hope you are all well and enjoying this glorious weather . love from &NAME x SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Really ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : actually , we have &NUM in &NUM days . is n't that just lovely ? &NAME wrote : &NAME , Should we leave it till after exams ? I think the girls have &NUM in the first &NUM days - maybe we could do it after that ? What do you think ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME and I were hoping to invite you guys all for dinner in &NAME Vac this Friday , but &NAME has the place booked already . So , could you all decide on a time when you can make dinner over the next week and get back to me . Please notify &NAME of this also . Its nothing personal I just could n't remember his surname . I look forward to repaying you for some pretty darn good dinners in the first term this year and hope you are all , well , well . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Quite good , especially since &NAME seems to be taken in by it . How are you ? I 'm at home , having curious problems . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : no , &NAME , this is my idea of an amusing prank . what do you think ? &NAME wrote : Really ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : actually , we have &NUM in &NUM days . is n't that just lovely ? &NAME wrote : &NAME , Should we leave it till after exams ? I think the girls have &NUM in the first &NUM days - maybe we could do it after that ? What do you think ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : SUBJECT: My problems ... Hi &NAME ! &NAME is conspiring behind my back with &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and all the other &NAME server things . This is WEIRD ! I 've been " experimenting " with checking my email via netscape from &NAME here at home . I 've just logged on , and now suddenly hundreds of weird-looking folders are appearing in my directories . The entire contents of my J-drive are here ~20MB , along with lots of other stuff , pine , altair , &NAME , deneb , I 'm confused ! I 've also got an e-mail from the ITS helpdesk informing me that my application for a new account was successful - I 've asked for no such thing ! Apart from that , I 'm having not too bad a day . I got my J-drive space doubled to &NAME at the ITS helpdesk , and I got a first from my inorganic labs . See you soon , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NUM Dear &NAME , In response to your request for the compilation of a list of our top &NUM characters of the opposite sex whom we " would find it pleasurable to sleep with " ( this definition applies in the loosest sense ) &NAME and I have produced the following lists . &NAME 's Babes &NUM of &NUM ( the cyborg ) from Start &NAME &NAME ( cyborg : part machine ) &NAME &NAME in the Good Life and To the Manor &NAME &NAME &NAME in &NAME &NAME in Sense and &NAME &NAME ( the arch-villainess ) in &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME in You 've got Mail Captain &NAME in &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME ( the old schoolteacher ) in &NAME of &NAME Gables The female doctor in &NAME &NAME &NAME Doubtfire in &NAME &NAME &NAME 's Babes &NAME ( a wookie ) in &NAME ( wookie : furry creature ) Princess &NAME The girl from &NAME in Space &NAME &NAME in &NAME and Prejudice &NAME ( &NAME &NAME ) in &NAME and &NAME &NAME &NAME in You 've got Mail The &NAME &NAME ( a dismembered head ) in &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , the &NAME &NAME presenter from &NUM &NAME &NAME in &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME in Sense and &NAME &NAME : We , the undersigned do not regularly engage in bestiality , nor is the nature of our sexuality debatable in any way . Our relationships with ( technically ) non-living entities should be considered a valuable part of modern society , indeed , one that much can be learnt from . &NAME " &NAME turn me on " &NAME &NAME " I like them furry " &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Apologies Dear &NAME , Thank you very much for the apology email . It was really lovely , but please do n't stay out of our way , unless you really want to . You are a lovely person to have around and your presence would be missed . I 'm sorry for being noisy and banging doors yesterday . &NAME &NAME If you feel like it , I 'd like to tell you about a new trick I 've thought of sometime later today . It 's quite daring and could be most amusing . &NAME wrote : Flat , I am sorry for yelling at you yesterday ; I had had a really bad day and I am quite stressed about my exams ... but that'snot a valid excuse ... I will stay out of your collective way as much as possible until the exams are over and I can go home ! Hope you all have good days , &NAME x &NAME &NAME , thank you for being so sweetly concerned ! SUBJECT: &NAME ; &NUM / &NUM , boys , what are you on ? ? Okay guys , thanks for replying . I found your top &NUM immensely amusing , especially &NAME and &NAME 's ... you CA N'T sleep with robots , dismembered heads OR cartoon characters , boys , even if they are from &NAME &NAME . &NAME ; good choices . I 'd forgotton about &NAME from &NAME ... he 's nice . Have you seen the version of The &NAME &NAME with him in it ? You should &WEBSITE . course ... kidding . Here are mine : &NAME , no , you ca n't have mine just yet because they are on disc and my disc is &NUM floors down . Tomorrow . Love from &NAME x SUBJECT: Apologies Flat , I am sorry for yelling at you yesterday ; I had had a really bad day and I am quite stressed about my exams ... but that'snot a valid excuse ... I will stay out of your collective way as much as possible until the exams are over and I can go home ! Hope you all have good days , &NAME x &NAME &NAME , thank you for being so sweetly concerned ! SUBJECT: [ Fwd : [ Fwd : &NUM / &NUM ] ] found them ! &NAME love &NAME x &NUM &NAME ( &NAME or Mr. ) ( &NAME and Prejudice ; &NAME ) * Because he 's the ultimate . I fell in love with him when I read the book when I was &NUM , and then all over again when he looks at &NAME just so so so intensely . And then he 's basically the modern version on &NAME , and it 's just the way he looks at her . &NUM &NAME &NAME ( from the " &NAME " books by &NAME &NAME ) * There 's a big chance you wo n't have read these books because they are n't &CHAR . well known , but they are book I would love to have written . They are so beautiful and poetic , and the heroine is an author ... and &NAME is beautiful . &NUM &NAME &NAME ( The &NAME &NAME ) * He does everything for &NAME , and yet still she ultimately rejects him ... it 's so tragic and such wonderful prose . &NUM &NAME ( Much Ado About Nothing ) * I think because I am very like &NAME , and would like to find my own &NAME &NUM day ; someone quite like me ! ( And because my &NAME 's name was &NAME , so I feel I have some connection ) . &NUM &NAME &NAME ( The &NAME &NAME Affair ) * It 's the money and the pinstripe suits ( mmm , men in suits ) ; o my word , he 's eminently fanciable . He has everything except me ! &NUM &NAME ( &NAME &NAME &NAME ) * He 's had so much practice ; and he 's so considerate and caring about what his women want . &NUM Captain &NAME &NAME ( The Sound of Music ) * Again , it 's the way he looks at &NAME when he realises he 's in love with her . He 's fine ! ( But maybe without the children ) . &NUM &NAME &NAME ( &NAME &NAME ) ( Yes , I do know that he was &NAME ) * I think because he epitomises the decadence of the pre-war period that I 'm in love with . I would love to have lived in that way in those decades ; so carefree and spirited and hazy , doing what you wanted all day , all those English traditions and repressed emotions , those magnificent low-waisted dresses and cloche hats . The threat of war looming near , yet the First World War seems almost romantic in a way , with men dying poetically on the mist-filled battlefields ... I wish I had lived then . &NUM &NAME &NAME ( The &NAME &NAME ) * Now this is the soppy of all soppy books ! But I read it when I was &NUM and I love it still . The period ( Georgian ) appeals to me too . &NUM &NAME or &NAME ... ca n't quite decide which ( I Capture the &NAME ) * But only really because I want to be &NAME &NAME , the narrator , because she knows what it is to be in unrequited love , and the last few paragraphs of the book are so hopeless , yet so hoping and beautiful . ( &NUM . &NAME &NAME 's cop in LA &NAME ) * &NAME ! SUBJECT: [ Fwd : [ Fwd : All Woman ! ] ] thought you might like this one , honey &NAME I am a Woman I shave my legs , I sit down to pee . And I can justify any shopping spree . Do n't go to a barber , but a beauty salon . Can get a massage , without a hard-on . I can balance the chequebook , can pump my own gas . Can talk to my friends , about the size of my ass . My beauty 's a masterpiece , and yes , it takes long . At least I can admit , to others when I 'm wrong . I do n't drive in circles , at any cost . And I do n't have a problem , admitting I 'm lost . I never forget , an important date . You just gotta deal with it , I 'm usually late . I do n't watch movies , with lots of &NAME . Do n't need instant replay , to remember the score . I wo n't lose my hair , I do n't get &NAME itch . And just cause I 'm assertive , Do n't call me a bitch . Do n't say to your friends , Oh &NAME , I can get her . In your dreams , my dear , I can do better ! Flowers are okay , But jewelry 's best . Would you look at my face , Not at my chest ! I do n't have a problem , with expressing my feelings . I know when you 're lying , You look at the ceiling . Do n't call me a girl , A babe or a chick . I am a WOMAN , Get it , you prick ? ! Now , you must forward this to &NUM FEMALES or you will have a HORRIBLE streak of bad love life . Not that I believe the above , I just think you should forward this to &NUM women so they can laugh too ! ! ! Click onto &WEBSITE " website . The information in this E-mail and in any attachment is confidential and is intended solely for the addressee . &NAME , copying , disclosure or use of such information by anyone else is unauthorised . If you are not the intended recipient please contact &EMAIL . Scanning software is employed to ensure that no offensive mail is transmitted from our network . In the unlikely event that any unauthorised mail is received , please destroy it , accept our apologies and contact &EMAIL with details of the sender . We will ensure that action is taken immediately to prevent any recurrence . &NAME Retail plc ( &NAME . no. &NUM ) is a member of the &NAME plc ( &NAME . no. &NUM ) group of companies . Both companies are registered in &NAME and &NAME . Registered offices : &NUM &NAME Street , &NAME &NAME &NAME . SUBJECT: ( no subject ) &NAME , do n't get offended by the thing I just sent you ... and for goodness sake do n't show it to &NAME ! SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME , Click on this link ... &WEBSITE &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME , I hope you are okay because you do n't seem okay . if it 's the phtos , of course I wo n't send them to your family if you do n't want me to ... sorry if I offended you . if you want to come and moan at me tonight , feel free ... it will NOT be an intrusion ... love &NAME x &NAME wrote : And help me to remember , when I 'm having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up , it takes &NUM muscles to frown , &NUM to smile , and only &NUM to reach across and smack them in the mouth . SUBJECT: Re : [ Fwd : Fwd : christian pick up lines ] &NAME suggested a variation : " ummm , I think you know a friend of mine . ... &NAME ? " &NAME wrote : this is just so . . . ... uhhh . ... well , terrible really ! enjoy ! from your always messy &NAME x This was sent to me by a friend at the CU . Hope you enjoy . &NAME Hi folks . Thought you might like this . Now you 'll know exactly what to say when you 're at &NAME Harvest / &NAME / Soul Survivor and that attractive boy / girl comes walking by ! CHRISTIAN PICKUP LINES &NUM &NAME &NAME &NUM I would like to pray with you &NUM You know &NAME . . . . . ... &NAME too &NUM &NAME told me to come talk to you &NUM I know a church where we could go and talk &NUM How about a hug , sister &NUM Do you need help carrying your Bible ? It looks heavy . &NUM Christians do n't shake hands , Christians gotta hug . &NUM Oh you are cold , &NAME &NUM : &NUM &NUM Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven ? &NUM What are your plans for tonight ? Feel like a Bible study ? &NUM I am here for you &NUM The word says " Give drink to those who are thirsty , and feed the hungry " , how about dinner ? &NUM You do n't have an accountability partner ? Me neither . &NUM You want to come over and watch the &NUM Commandments tonight ? &NUM Is it a sin that you stole my heart ? &NUM Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot ? &NUM &NAME bracelet . What Would &NAME &NAME ... I mean 'do " &NUM Do you believe in &NAME appointment ? &NUM Have you ever tried praying at a drive-in movie before ? &NUM Excuse me , I believe one of your ribs belongs to me . &NUM My friend told me to come and meet you , he said that you are a really nice person . I think you know him . &NAME , &NAME that 's his ) name . &NUM You know they said that you have never really dated until you have dated a Christian . &NUM Yeah I predicted &NAME over &NAME &NUM What ? Friends listen to &NAME &NAME in the dark . Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Re : our sweet little chick ca n't find chicks to order on internet . still looking . &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Hello . I am writing this primarily as work avoidance . Oh well , never mind . Anyway , let me know if you find a chick on the net . I would love a little chick ; it would be so sweet ! We could put it in &NAME 's room , in its own little pen . I 'm sure &NAME and &NAME will be thrilled with their gift . They could treat it like a little child . Perhaps it would help bring &NAME 's deeply hidden maternal instincts to the fore . I only hope it can put up with the rather " aromatic " conditions for a week until &NAME leaves . Obviously we shall have to name it ; or , rather , &NAME and &NAME will . I can just imagine &NAME as the stern and unyielding father figure of our little chick , and &NAME as the sweet , cowering mother . Okay , so perhaps not realistic , but an amusing depiction . Fish flakes in &NAME 's Ready &NAME I can scarcely contain myself in restless anticipation Mustard in &NAME 's biscuits &NAME &NAME of the insect kingdom in &NAME 's honey Wait , what about a bee ? That could be quite hilarious . He could take the jar back to &NAME demanding a refund , except he would n't be that silly . Oh , and we must arrange a leaving dinner for &NAME . There we shall present him with his flat sweatshirt . See you later . I hope you have a good day . &NAME I 'm hungry . SUBJECT: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx could you print off the xword today please thank you ... I have no printer credits left ... ta ! &NAME x SUBJECT: Re : xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx the CROSSword . you ARE being rather dull witted . but I love you anyway ! &NAME wrote : sorry if I 'm being rather dull-witted , but what are you reffering to by the x-word ? &NAME could you print off the xword today please thank you ... I have no printer credits left ... ta ! &NAME x SUBJECT: Re : xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx no , ca n't seem to find them on any search engine . have to look locally , ithink . &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME ! actually I 've just printed it off , before checking my e-mail ! I 'm about to start it now . are you having any luck with chicks ? &NAME the CROSSword . you ARE being rather dull witted . but I love you anyway ! &NAME wrote : sorry if I 'm being rather dull-witted , but what are you reffering to by the x-word ? &NAME could you print off the xword today please thank you ... I have no printer credits left ... ta ! &NAME x SUBJECT: ( no subject ) &NAME , I have not &NAME 's phone number , and I think maybe we should just cut our losses on this one ; we have plenty of stuff we can do to them later . if we just admit defeat then &NAME has to show you where the things is and it 's gone . it 's not that big a thing really , is it ? and I am so tired atthe moment ; I should be expending my energy on my revision and nothing else ! just let them gloat if they want to- we all have to lose sometime . if &NAME wants to think he 's got the better of you , let him ; after all , he 'll regret it later in the term anyway ... it might even be a nice device to make him let down his guard a little . do n't get frustrated ... do n't let him see that he 's made you mad ; just smile sweetly and agree that he 's got the better of us ... and I think he really has- we 're not going to find this without his help anyway . this is too minor to go into great long investigations over ; we 'll get bogged down by it when we should be revising . hope your day 's going ok , I 'll see you later . is tea about &NUM ? love &NAME SUBJECT: [ Fwd : try the link instead ... ] guys , I quite like this . ... you might have seen it before , but the little men are rather amusign . &NAME x &WEBSITE SUBJECT: a mathematical proof that women are evil We all know that women are time and money , so we can say ... Women &NAME &CHAR &NAME We also know that time is money ... &NAME &NAME Hence by substitution ... Women ( &NAME ^2 Since money is a root of all evil ... &NAME square root ( Evil ) ( &NAME ^2 Evil Therefore ... Women Evil SUBJECT: apologies dear &NAME , I do n't really think that women are evil , just in case you thought I might . hope you are not offended . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : nothing how ? how ? how ? AM PARANOID . &NAME wrote : you are in level &NUM of the library , computer number &NUM . &NAME p.s. send another forward to &NAME ; he 's seen that one already , then we can discover his password this evening . Actually , I 'll send you a few forwards ... SUBJECT: Re : nothing dear &NAME , do n't worry , it 's easily done . do you want me to tell you how ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : how ? how ? how ? AM PARANOID . &NAME wrote : you are in level &NUM of the library , computer number &NUM . &NAME p.s. send another forward to &NAME ; he 's seen that one already , then we can discover his password this evening . Actually , I 'll send you a few forwards ... SUBJECT: ( no subject ) I do n't mean that you are a freak , you are nice ! SUBJECT: Re : nothing yes , you spy freak boy , of course ... &NAME wrote : dear &NAME , do n't worry , it 's easily done . do you want me to tell you how ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : how ? how ? how ? AM PARANOID . &NAME wrote : you are in level &NUM of the library , computer number &NUM . &NAME p.s. send another forward to &NAME ; he 's seen that one already , then we can discover his password this evening . Actually , I 'll send you a few forwards ... SUBJECT: how dear &NAME , it is simple to discover where an e-mail was sent from if it is within the university network . simply click on the message , go to view , page source , and on the fifth line the following informatin is found : lib3--46 simply telling me that you were in the library on level &NUM , computer number &NUM . if I was on the &NAME network I could then use this to activate net send . &NAME SUBJECT: dear &NAME , the reason I was avidly pursuing the &NAME / virus thing this morning was because I had a nasty day yesterday , since I had a &NAME crisis , and I knew I was going to have another one today . therefore I was in rather a bad mood and it helped to take my frustratinos out on something else . it was not a competititive " boy thing " , although it probably looked like that . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) thank you , but I was n't spying . I sent the information to you so that you would understand how it was done . if I had been spying then I would hardly have shouted out that I was doing so , would I ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : I do n't mean that you are a freak , you are nice ! SUBJECT: Re : how still do n't get it , looked on grey screen but can " see my vomputer number . never mind . see you later , &NAME x &NAME wrote : dear &NAME , it is simple to discover where an e-mail was sent from if it is within the university network . simply click on the message , go to view , page source , and on the fifth line the following informatin is found : lib3--46 simply telling me that you were in the library on level &NUM , computer number &NUM . if I was on the &NAME network I could then use this to activate net send . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : how okay , it is there . I 'll show you later this evening on &NAME if you like . I hope you 're day is going well . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : still do n't get it , looked on grey screen but can " see my vomputer number . never mind . see you later , &NAME x &NAME wrote : dear &NAME , it is simple to discover where an e-mail was sent from if it is within the university network . simply click on the message , go to view , page source , and on the fifth line the following informatin is found : lib3--46 simply telling me that you were in the library on level &NUM , computer number &NUM . if I was on the &NAME network I could then use this to activate net send . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : - why did you have a nastty day ? lack of work ? never mind , when I get back we can watch friends vids and chill . love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : dear &NAME , the reason I was avidly pursuing the &NAME / virus thing this morning was because I had a nasty day yesterday , since I had a &NAME crisis , and I knew I was going to have another one today . therefore I was in rather a bad mood and it helped to take my frustratinos out on something else . it was not a competititive " boy thing " , although it probably looked like that . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) ok ok . ... &NAME wrote : thank you , but I was n't spying . I sent the information to you so that you would understand how it was done . if I had been spying then I would hardly have shouted out that I was doing so , would I ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : I do n't mean that you are a freak , you are nice ! SUBJECT: p.s. thanks for the chemistry notes . that was sweet . &NAME ( although they 're too basic for me , but never mind , everyone else is going to fail too ) SUBJECT: Re : - dear &NAME , thank you . I shall look forward to that . I 'd better do some revision now then . see you later ! &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : why did you have a nastty day ? lack of work ? never mind , when I get back we can watch friends vids and chill . love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : dear &NAME , the reason I was avidly pursuing the &NAME / virus thing this morning was because I had a nasty day yesterday , since I had a &NAME crisis , and I knew I was going to have another one today . therefore I was in rather a bad mood and it helped to take my frustratinos out on something else . it was not a competititive " boy thing " , although it probably looked like that . &NAME SUBJECT: our sweet little chick Dear &NAME , Hello . I am writing this primarily as work avoidance . Oh well , never mind . Anyway , let me know if you find a chick on the net . I would love a little chick ; it would be so sweet ! We could put it in &NAME 's room , in its own little pen . I 'm sure &NAME and &NAME will be thrilled with their gift . They could treat it like a little child . Perhaps it would help bring &NAME 's deeply hidden maternal instincts to the fore . I only hope it can put up with the rather " aromatic " conditions for a week until &NAME leaves . Obviously we shall have to name it ; or , rather , &NAME and &NAME will . I can just imagine &NAME as the stern and unyielding father figure of our little chick , and &NAME as the sweet , cowering mother . Okay , so perhaps not realistic , but an amusing depiction . Fish flakes in &NAME 's Ready &NAME I can scarcely contain myself in restless anticipation Mustard in &NAME 's biscuits &NAME &NAME of the insect kingdom in &NAME 's honey Wait , what about a bee ? That could be quite hilarious . He could take the jar back to &NAME demanding a refund , except he would n't be that silly . Oh , and we must arrange a leaving dinner for &NAME . There we shall present him with his flat sweatshirt . See you later . I hope you have a good day . &NAME I 'm hungry . SUBJECT: Re : xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx sorry if I 'm being rather dull-witted , but what are you reffering to by the x-word ? &NAME could you print off the xword today please thank you ... I have no printer credits left ... ta ! &NAME x SUBJECT: guess ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? what3F ... ? our sweet little chick &NAME , I wonder what &NAME would do if I attempted to experiment on her little chick , just for practice ? &NAME Oh , apparently you dislike &NAME 's " &NAME " , hmmm SUBJECT: Re : xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx &NAME ! actually I 've just printed it off , before checking my e-mail ! I 'm about to start it now . are you having any luck with chicks ? &NAME the CROSSword . you ARE being rather dull witted . but I love you anyway ! &NAME wrote : sorry if I 'm being rather dull-witted , but what are you reffering to by the x-word ? &NAME could you print off the xword today please thank you ... I have no printer credits left ... ta ! &NAME x SUBJECT: chemistry ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? &NUM ? nonsense hi &NAME , I 've had a nasty day on the chemistry front . it 's impossible . I 've just spoken to &NAME , and she ca n't do any of the questions for our exam on thursday either . she does n't know anyone who can . oh dear , I 'm worried . I 'm looking forward to going out to mcdonalds for dinner though . see you soon . &NAME 's eating here at the flat . &NAME ( somewhat depressed , but still alive , and not as worried as he was earlier in the day ) SUBJECT: &NAME dear &NAME , yes , &NAME 's at 6pm . sorry if I was being silly about the virus thing . okay , I shall admit defeat . I think I already have anyway . shame &NAME 's not going to let you use &NAME this evening . if you really were wanting to revise then you 're more than welcome to use my computer . see you later , &NAME SUBJECT: nothing you are in level &NUM of the library , computer number &NUM . &NAME p.s. send another forward to &NAME ; he 's seen that one already , then we can discover his password this evening . Actually , I 'll send you a few forwards ... SUBJECT: [ Fwd : Fwd : [ Fwd : [ Fwd : [ Fwd : &NAME Game ] ] ] ] From : " &NAME &NAME " ( &EMAIL ) To : &EMAIL Subject : [ Fwd : [ Fwd : [ Fwd : &NAME Game ] ] ] &NAME : &NAME , &NUM May &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Well , we all need some light entertainment ! A little fun to help with the mid-term stresses of work ... Apparently &NUM secs is the time to beat ... &WEBSITE / Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: [ Fwd : Re : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME " &NAME ] Dear &NAME , Here is the email from &NAME . Hope you are well . &NAME Thanks &NAME . If you want things to liven up , play a trick , a &NAME &NUM on &NAME Have fun &NAME , &NAME Do You &NAME ! ? Get your &NAME address at &WEBSITE or your &NAME address at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : [ Fwd : Re : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME " &NAME ] have emailed time . he sshould be pretty scared by now ! ! &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Here is the email from &NAME . Hope you are well . &NAME Thanks &NAME . If you want things to liven up , play a trick , a &NAME &NUM on &NAME Have fun &NAME , &NAME Do You &NAME ! ? Get your &NAME address at &WEBSITE or your &NAME address at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : This was forwarded to me ... I have seen this b4 , but it is amusing and very clever . has &NAME seen it ? &NAME wrote : The following is an actual question given on a University of &NAME chemistry mid term . The answer was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues , which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well . Bonus Question : Is Hell exothermic ( gives off heat ) or endothermic ( absorbs heat ) ? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using &NAME 's Law , ( gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed ) or some variant . &NUM student , however , wrote the following : First , we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time . So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving . I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell , it will not leave . Therefore , no souls are leaving . As for how many souls are entering Hell , lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today . Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion , you will go to Hell . Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than &NUM religion , we can project that all souls go to Hell . With birth and death rates as they are , we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially . Now , we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because &NAME 's law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same , the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added . This gives &NUM possibilities : &NUM If Hell is expanding at slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell , then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose . &NUM Of course , if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell , then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over . So which is it ? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. &NAME &NAME during my Freshman year , ( ... that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you ) , and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her , then , # &NUM cannot be true , and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze . The student received the only A given . SUBJECT: Re : This was forwarded to me ... No , &NAME has not seen it . I did n't think he would appreciate it , but perhaps I shall send it to him after all . See you later . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : I have seen this b4 , but it is amusing and very clever . has &NAME seen it ? &NAME wrote : The following is an actual question given on a University of &NAME chemistry mid term . The answer was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues , which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well . Bonus Question : Is Hell exothermic ( gives off heat ) or endothermic ( absorbs heat ) ? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using &NAME 's Law , ( gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed ) or some variant . &NUM student , however , wrote the following : First , we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time . So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving . I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell , it will not leave . Therefore , no souls are leaving . As for how many souls are entering Hell , lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today . Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion , you will go to Hell . Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than &NUM religion , we can project that all souls go to Hell . With birth and death rates as they are , we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially . Now , we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because &NAME 's law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same , the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added . This gives &NUM possibilities : &NUM If Hell is expanding at slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell , then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose . &NUM Of course , if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell , then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over . So which is it ? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. &NAME &NAME during my Freshman year , ( ... that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you ) , and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her , then , # &NUM cannot be true , and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze . The student received the only A given . SUBJECT: a message from &NAME ... Dear &NAME , I guess you 're at home now . Am I good at guessing ? I 've just come back from the Cathedral tower with &NAME , &NAME and &NAME . It was lovely , but very tiring since we climbed the &NUM steps in less than &NUM minutes . &NAME and I are going downstairs to have tea with &NAME at 6: &NUM . I 'm really glad you said goodbye , since I was half-worried that you would n't, as you sometimes have done . Anyway , I hope you had a good journey home and are enjoying being there again . Thanks ever so much for asking me to come and see you sometime in the holidays ; I would really like that . Sorry I was n't in too good a mood this morning . I was feeling a little depressed and emotional , since &NAME and I had " issues which we discussed " , for want of a better description . Oh dear , well , such is life . It would be dull if everything was perfect . I 'm deluding myself ; it would be wonderful . Sorry for going on so ! I hope you have a lovely week - when do you start your church job ? I think I 'm going to be quite bored and lonely next week , here all on my own , so please feel free to telephone me if you want too . Very best wishes , &NAME &NAME Did you mean to leave the apron and tea towels ? SUBJECT: Re : a message from &NAME ... honey ( monster ) I am thinking about sending you a letter to your house addressed to you covered with hearts and stuff for your mother to find ... he he he . I might , I might not ... I have always said goodbye to you , have n't I ? sorry it I haven't ... I guess I am funny sometimes ( in a way that is n't amusing , I mean ) . what were your issues with &NAME ? you do n't have to tell me ... sorry , just being nosy . it seems funny when you describe your behaviour as emotional ... but do n't worry , I know you are ! we- &NAME and I thought that you should have the apron and teatowels so if you do n't want them , chuck them . I have done only a little ... been to church etc. .. food ! clean clothes ! I hope you are ok ... have a good week and enjoy the peace and quiet ! I am only a phone call away ... love &NAME xx From : &NAME To : &EMAIL Subject : a message from &NAME ... &NAME : Sat , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear &NAME , I guess you 're at home now . Am I good at guessing ? I 've just come back from the Cathedral tower with &NAME , &NAME and &NAME . It was lovely , but very tiring since we climbed the &NUM steps in less than &NUM minutes . &NAME and I are going downstairs to have tea with &NAME at 6: &NUM . I 'm really glad you said goodbye , since I was half-worried that you would n't, as you sometimes have done . Anyway , I hope you had a good journey home and are enjoying being there again . Thanks ever so much for asking me to come and see you sometime in the holidays ; I would really like that . Sorry I was n't in too good a mood this morning . I was feeling a little depressed and emotional , since &NAME and I had " issues which we discussed " , for want of a better description . Oh dear , well , such is life . It would be dull if everything was perfect . I 'm deluding myself ; it would be wonderful . Sorry for going on so ! I hope you have a lovely week - when do you start your church job ? I think I 'm going to be quite bored and lonely next week , here all on my own , so please feel free to telephone me if you want too . Very best wishes , &NAME &NAME Did you mean to leave the apron and tea towels ? Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: a message to &NAME Dear &NAME , Thank you so much for your e-mail ; it was really lovely . " I have always said good-bye to you , have n't I ? Sorry if I have n't ... I guess I am funny sometimes ( in a way that is n't amusing , I mean ) . " - Yes , you are funny sometimes , and , as &NAME said to &NAME and I at the beginning of the flat year when we were getting annoyed with your " funny " behaviour - " Guys , she 's good for you . " Oh , but do n't feel bad ; as I think I may have mentioned before , I 'm really glad I shared a flat with you . We have all been moody at some time or another , and personally , your moods are slightly amusing ( though only slightly ! ) . " What were your issues with &NAME ? you do n't have to tell me ... sorry , just being nosy . " - Of course I 'll tell you . Do you really think I would have mentioned it at all if I did n't want to tell you ? I prefer to see you as being interested , not nosy . Thank you for being interested . Well , on Friday evening after dinner , &NAME and I were looking at the flat accounts . I pointed out to him some entries , and he found some other entries . The entries were as follows ... ( &NUM ) The fact that the rope was bought out of the flat account , ( &NUM ) The meal you and I had at &NAME &NAME that night &NAME was cooking , ( &NUM ) The fact that we had bought " The &NAME " out of the flat account this term . &NAME was very cold towards me for the rest of the evening , and I was upset . Suffice it to say that I did not enjoy the &NAME that night . At lunchtime on Saturday I asked &NAME if he had been annoyed with me yesterday . He said he was annoyed , betrayed , hurt , etc. We had a long and painful discussion about the whole thing . I told &NAME I did n't realise he did n't want " The &NAME " to be bought out of the flat account and he seemed to find this difficult to believe , but accepted it , I think . The rope , I said was intended as a joke and I would be quite happy to pay back , since I had intended to mention it anyway . The meal , well , I think that upset &NAME the most . He said he felt that since he was very careful about his money , when I spent it like that he felt hurt . He said he did n't realise the flat account would be used like this otherwise he would have felt quite differently about it . I said that money was n't important and we had all spent other people 's money , i.e. reading week etc. The entire conversation was very very very slow and drawn out . We never once laughed or smiled . I apologised for all &NUM counts and asked &NAME what he would like me to do . He said he would appreciate me paying for the items , and said he would forgive me , as best he could . He then said that it might take him a while and that his manner towards me over the next while might well be coloured by it . What I felt , but did n't say , was that the entire thing was blown out of all proportion and that it was very petty . Perhaps &NAME reacted in the way he did because he is muddled up after splitting with &NAME . I do n't know , but I was very surprised at his ability to seemingly hold a grudge , as I have always thought and been told that he did n't do that for any longer than a very short time . I now regret eating that meal , but only because it caused all this trouble . Unfortunately I ca n't feel much remorse for the act itself , although I am trying . I do feel quite bad for upsetting &NAME and hurting him . Oh , it 's horrible . Thank you for listening . I 'm sorry for foisting this upon your eyes , and I hope you do n't mind too much . " It seems funny when you describe your behaviour as emotional ... but do n't worry , I know you are ! " - I think I find it very hard to show my emotions when with company . However , I certainly have them , as I have discovered this year . They make life very up and down . I wonder why I never used to be bothered by them ? I did not enjoy being the only person in either &NAME &CHAR or &CHAR last night , and I dreaded living on my own in the future . Thankfully , I do n't feel as bad this morning though ! &NAME ! Now perhaps I can write something less mournful . I 'm in the library this morning , about to start researching for my dissertation . Yesterday I said good bye to &NAME and later &NAME . Our phone was cut off , so I only have my mobile . We had our flat inspection yesterday morning , and the domestic manager said she had never seen such clean flooring in the kitchen ! However , se wanted me to have another go at the oven and clean the bathroom windows with glass cleaner ! She was VERY thorough ! She and the bursar were full of praise for our flat in general and said they should have had a competition for the cleanest flat . &NAME says ours would win . I have a feeling they might still have that competition ... Anyway , it does n't sound as if you 're too busy , so I hope you 're enjoying yourself . You deserve it since you worked very hard this term . You may say you did n't and just spent your day idling in the library , but you certainly appeared to be working hard and that is quite a feat in itself . Is your sister home yet , or are you alone with your parents ? In reference to the letter " covered with hearts and stuff " for my mother to find ... Hmmm . Obviously I 'd like a letter , although not covered with hearts and stuff , and if that was the case certainly not for my mother to find . Thank you fr the tea towels etc. Did you mean to leave your iron ? E-mail me soon ! ( And I shall not wallow in myself and &NAME 's issues any longer ! ) Very best wishes , &NAME &NAME I object to the greeting at the top of your e-mail . I detest sugar puffs . SUBJECT: a message to &NAME &NAME &NAME , what do you mean you were complaining about my behaviour ? I am the model of exemplary decorum ... kind of ... but what did &NAME mean by " she 's good for you " ? like I 'm some unpleasant tonic . I 'm almost offended . kind of . well ... I do n't know . that does n't sound like &NAME at all ... but people change , I guess . I have sent &NAME an email apaologising an saying that you and I are both equally to blame for &NUM things , and that you , &NAME and I are to blame for times-gate . please divide in half what we spent on those things and put it on my bill ... I 'll pay you back as soon as I can , which I think will be fairly soon . it has all been blwn well out of proportion by the sounds of it ; good grief ... I guess it 's about trust rather than money ... although neither &NAME or I begrudged you guys what you spent when we both went home . anyway . do n't feel too bad ... and I am always here to listen to you if you want to moan , gripe etc. &NAME is not yet home ; she arrives on thurday . I am going to &NAME tomorrow to go on the eye and go to see a play , so I will not be able to send you an email tomorrow uness something goes drastically wrong ... but I will on thursday , promise ! ( unless I meet &NAME criuse and he invites me out for dinner , in which case you may never hear from me again ) . I hope you have a nice day tomorrow , I will be online , hotmial wise on thursady eve , so we could have a chat if you email me a time - myabe 7ish ? I 'll look fairly early so you can go down to college . love &NAME xx From : &NAME To : &NAME &NAME Subject : a message to &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear &NAME , Thank you so much for your e-mail ; it was really lovely . " I have always said good-bye to you , have n't I ? Sorry if I have n't ... I guess I am funny sometimes ( in a way that is n't amusing , I mean ) . " - Yes , you are funny sometimes , and , as &NAME said to &NAME and I at the beginning of the flat year when we were getting annoyed with your " funny " behaviour - " Guys , she 's good for you . " Oh , but do n't feel bad ; as I think I may have mentioned before , I 'm really glad I shared a flat with you . We have all been moody at some time or another , and personally , your moods are slightly amusing ( though only slightly ! ) . " What were your issues with &NAME ? you do n't have to tell me ... sorry , just being nosy . " - Of course I 'll tell you . Do you really think I would have mentioned it at all if I did n't want to tell you ? I prefer to see you as being interested , not nosy . Thank you for being interested . Well , on Friday evening after dinner , &NAME and I were looking at the flat accounts . I pointed out to him some entries , and he found some other entries . The entries were as follows ... ( &NUM ) The fact that the rope was bought out of the flat account , ( &NUM ) The meal you and I had at &NAME &NAME that night &NAME was cooking , ( &NUM ) The fact that we had bought " The &NAME " out of the flat account this term . &NAME was very cold towards me for the rest of the evening , and I was upset . Suffice it to say that I did not enjoy the &NAME that night . At lunchtime on Saturday I asked &NAME if he had been annoyed with me yesterday . He said he was annoyed , betrayed , hurt , etc. We had a long and painful discussion about the whole thing . I told &NAME I did n't realise he did n't want " The &NAME " to be bought out of the flat account and he seemed to find this difficult to believe , but accepted it , I think . The rope , I said was intended as a joke and I would be quite happy to pay back , since I had intended to mention it anyway . The meal , well , I think that upset &NAME the most . He said he felt that since he was very careful about his money , when I spent it like that he felt hurt . He said he did n't realise the flat account would be used like this otherwise he would have felt quite differently about it . I said that money was n't important and we had all spent other people 's money , i.e. reading week etc. The entire conversation was very very very slow and drawn out . We never once laughed or smiled . I apologised for all &NUM counts and asked &NAME what he would like me to do . He said he would appreciate me paying for the items , and said he would forgive me , as best he could . He then said that it might take him a while and that his manner towards me over the next while might well be coloured by it . What I felt , but did n't say , was that the entire thing was blown out of all proportion and that it was very petty . Perhaps &NAME reacted in the way he did because he is muddled up after splitting with &NAME . I do n't know , but I was very surprised at his ability to seemingly hold a grudge , as I have always thought and been told that he did n't do that for any longer than a very short time . I now regret eating that meal , but only because it caused all this trouble . Unfortunately I ca n't feel much remorse for the act itself , although I am trying . I do feel quite bad for upsetting &NAME and hurting him . Oh , it 's horrible . Thank you for listening . I 'm sorry for foisting this upon your eyes , and I hope you do n't mind too much . " It seems funny when you describe your behaviour as emotional ... but do n't worry , I know you are ! " - I think I find it very hard to show my emotions when with company . However , I certainly have them , as I have discovered this year . They make life very up and down . I wonder why I never used to be bothered by them ? I did not enjoy being the only person in either &NAME &CHAR or &CHAR last night , and I dreaded living on my own in the future . Thankfully , I do n't feel as bad this morning though ! &NAME ! Now perhaps I can write something less mournful . I 'm in the library this morning , about to start researching for my dissertation . Yesterday I said good bye to &NAME and later &NAME . Our phone was cut off , so I only have my mobile . We had our flat inspection yesterday morning , and the domestic manager said she had never seen such clean flooring in the kitchen ! However , se wanted me to have another go at the oven and clean the bathroom windows with glass cleaner ! She was VERY thorough ! She and the bursar were full of praise for our flat in general and said they should have had a competition for the cleanest flat . &NAME says ours would win . I have a feeling they might still have that competition ... Anyway , it does n't sound as if you 're too busy , so I hope you 're enjoying yourself . You deserve it since you worked very hard this term . You may say you did n't and just spent your day idling in the library , but you certainly appeared to be working hard and that is quite a feat in itself . Is your sister home yet , or are you alone with your parents ? In reference to the letter " covered with hearts and stuff " for my mother to find ... Hmmm. Obviously I 'd like a letter , although not covered with hearts and stuff , and if that was the case certainly not for my mother to find . Thank you fr the tea towels etc. Did you mean to leave your iron ? E-mail me soon ! ( And I shall not wallow in myself and &NAME 's issues any longer ! ) Very best wishes , &NAME &NAME I object to the greeting at the top of your e-mail . I detest sugar puffs . Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: another message to &NAME Dear &NAME , " What do you mean you were complaining about my behaviour ? I am the model of exemplary decorum kind of but what did &NAME mean by 'she 's good for you " ? like I 'm some unpleasant tonic . I 'm almost offended . &NAME of . " - Please , please , do n't be offended with me . You 're a very pleasant tonic . I think that &NAME and &CHAR ( well , &NUM cannot speak for &NAME ) were slightly irritated at the way you seem to sometimes behave as though you are on the fastest and best roller-coaster at &NAME towers . I mean that sometimes ( most of the time ) you are absolutely lovely , and then ( and I think this annoys &NAME more ) you might seem to ignore someone . I think &NAME thought it would help broaden our experience of people to live with you - or something like that . It might improve our tolerance of people who are not always the way we would like them to be . Another example would be the way I very often had to bite my tongue this year to stop myself flaring up at &NAME when he annoyed me . I succeeded , for the most part . However , you were not nearly so much of a trial , and I hope you will not be offended with me , because I like you and there is nothing at all amiss with your decorum in the normal sense . " Well I do n't know . That does n't sound like &NAME at all " - Well , it did look like &NAME . It also sounded like him . It might have been a very clever gag by &NAME &CHAR , but I am doubtful of their aptitude in the fields of either holographic projection or advanced cybernetics . " I have sent &NAME an email apologising and saying that you and I are both equally to blame for &NUM things , and that you , &NAME and I are to blame for times-gate . " - Thank you very much . " Times-gate " ? As in " Water-gate " ? I have put the items on your bill and you can take as long as you like to pay it off . " &NAME is not yet home ; she arrives on Thursday . I am going to &NAME tomorrow to go on the eye and go to see a play , so I will not be able to send you an email tomorrow unless something goes drastically wrong but I will on Thursday , promise ! ( unless I meet &NAME &NAME and he invites me out for dinner , in which case you may never hear from me again ) . " - Is your sister flying home ? I hope you had a good time in &NAME . I have never been to &NAME . What play did you see ? Did you meet &NAME &NAME ? I guess I shall not get a reply if you did . &NAME &NAME &NAME . " I will be online , hotmail wise on Thursday eve , so we could have a chat if you email me a time- maybe 7ish ? I 'll look fairly early so you can go down to college . " - Wonderful ! 7pm sounds great . I shall get down to college for then . I tried to download the hotmail messenger thing yesterday but the ITS service would n't let me , so would you mind using the &NAME &NAME thing that you downloaded earlier in the year ? It 's the product that the ITS uses and therefore I will be able to access it . I 'm looking forward to chatting to you this evening . I hope you have a lovely day . Is it very hot in &NAME ? I got a letter from &NAME this morning . She says " are [ you ] still surviving in &NAME &NAME whilst we are all in the sunny south ? " Well , it 's been really hot here too , although yesterday was n't quite as sunny . It 's splendid weather . Oh dear , I 'm talking about the weather again . Well , until this evening &NAME , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME , I am currently waiting for you to come online . &NAME , you 're even later than &NAME would be ! Anyway , a video has been left in the flat - 'Sense and &NAME " - is it yours ? Very best wishes , &NAME SUBJECT: Chat Dear &NAME , I presume you are busy , otherwise engaged , or something . Never mind . If you can , I 'd still really like to chat with you this evening . I 'm going back to the flat now , but just text me and I can be in college &NUM minutes later . Any time before &NAME . &NAME to hear from you . Very best wishes , &NAME SUBJECT: an answer to your query Dear &NAME , I hope you are well . If you are using Netscape Navigator , go to " &NAME " , " Preferences " , " Clear &NAME &NAME " . If not , then tell me what software you are using and I 'll try and let you know . I 'll write a longer e-mail to you tomorrow evening , because I 'm really tired and it 's horribly hot here . It was good to see you online this evening , even if only for a short while . I hope you enjoy your party at the weekend . Why are you a little nervous about it , if you do n't mind me asking ? My week is n't very exciting either - sitting in a bookshop all day . Well , have a good day tomorrow . Very best wishes , &NAME &NAME The telephone bill came today - £ &NUM , but I 'll send a flat e-mail out within a day or &NUM when I 've added everything up . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME People , Please look over this promptly and let me know if you made any of the calls unaccounted for ... &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE SUBJECT: a message from &NAME Dear &NAME , Thank you very much for replying to my text messages ! I like having a mobile phone ! Anyway , I hope you 're managing to cope a little better with the heat . If not , then put your head in a freezer for a while . Or , think of poor &NAME and &NAME going off to &NAME , where it is doubtless hotter still . Today I worked in the morning and finished tidying away my &NAME stuff in the afternoon . Then I helped my Dad in the garden for a while . &NAME , I hope you enjoy your weekend in &NAME . Will you see anyone there whom I know ? By the way , I was wondering if you 'd heard from &NAME this holiday . He has n't e-mailed me at all . Neither has &NAME . Well , I think I shall go to bed now . My parents had to buy black-out curtains for me to stop the light waking me in the mornings ! The sun was getting me up at &NUM : 45am . I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow . See you soon . &NAME SUBJECT: a quick note from &NAME " &NAME " ? ! Hi &NAME ! &NAME , I 'm getting rather tired of rain , well , not exactly rain . We have been living under a thick misty sea fog for the past &NUM days . Deliciously cool , but wearing thin , well , I wish it would . However , that would mean back to the heat I 've heard from both &NAME and &NAME today , so I 'm happy ! I hope you have a wonderful weekend too . I look forward to communicating next week . ( That sounds dreadfully dry and technical ! ) Very best wishes , &NAME SUBJECT: Hi &NAME , Sorry to hear you do n't feel well . Yes , I 'm okay , except that I 'm bored and the weather 's miserable . Hope you enjoy seeing &NAME and &NAME . Bye , &NAME &NAME Do you want to chat online sometime ? SUBJECT: Re : Bubbles &NAME , I am now going to &NAME . I will attempt to communicate with you from the outward place . adieu till tuesday . &NAME xx From : &NAME To : &EMAIL Subject : &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , The attachment is a photo for which you might like to fill in the speech bubbles , if you 're not feeling too ill . I 'm collecting the captions , and have already had some very amusing &NUM back from &NAME . Have a nice day . &NAME ( ( &WEBSITE ) ) Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . &NAME , soz to bother you very quickly , I logged off accidentally , as in it said " log off a.ritchie " and I did , but how do I get it back and how do I rest the password ? thanks you are a star . love &NAME xxx Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: &NAME is ... ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? 28insert ? apt ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? word29 ? Dear &NAME , " &NAME , I am now going to &NAME . I will attempt to communicate with you from the outward place . Adieu till tuesday . &NAME xx " I blinked . Anyway , I did n't mean that . SUBJECT: Greetings Dear &NAME , Hello ! It was nice to talk to you last night . I hope you did n't mind me going , but I was very very tired as I had been up since &NUM : &NUM a.m. As you know , I arrived back from &NAME camp yesterday . &NUM intense week of abseiling , go-karting , mountain biking , sport , activities , bible study , prayer , music and meetings . Oh , and yes , there were &NUM &NUM and &NUM year olds as well . Children say the most curious things . I think my &NUM favourites from this week were " are we allowed to get the dinner plates dirty when we eat ? " and 'do you have to sign a form to become a Christian ? " Joking aside though , I enjoyed myself and was immensely relieved not to be sharing a dorm with children this time . Consequently I enjoyed a much more respectable &NUM or &NUM hours sleep each night . ( Well , most nights . ) &NAME importantly , one of the children made a commitment to &NAME , which was wonderful . This afternoon I 've been with my family to &NAME - a nearby country house . It is very warm today and I like it . We had quite a good week , weather wise , for the camp . Tomorrow morning I begin my new job for &NUM weeks . I will be working from &NUM o' clock until &NUM in the lab , and I am quite looking forward to it although I hope it will not be too boring . Sorry I never sent you a postcard , but I did n't really get a chance to buy one . Do you mind ? Anyway , I think the one you sent me more than made up for my lack of imagination . Well , what are you doing for the remainder of the holidays ? Are you still being a caretaker ? Do email soon . Very best wishes , &NAME SUBJECT: Flat Telephone &NAME Dear &NAME , Hello . I have enclosed a simplified telephone bill as requested . Also , I would like to let you know that by now your flat deposit will have been credited to your account by &NAME &NAME 's. I received &NUM pounds , so that augurs well for the rest of you . Hope you had a lovely day with &NAME in &NAME . I am going to book my train tickets this evening . Thank you for your text message , and sorry that I had to rush away when you telephoned me last night . I had placed an advertisement for my &NUM chemistry sets , which I have had for &NUM years in the local newspaper , and a man came to view them . He then bought them , which was wonderful ! Now it is the weekend , and I am very glad . I shall indulge in a long stay in my bed tomorrow morning . By the way , if you get any e-mails from 'Social Research Associates " in your &NAME account , do n't download the attached document as it is a virus . &NAME told me . I got &NUM such e-mails and tried repeatedly in vain to open them . I was very very curious about them . Thankfully I was using web-mail , and it refused to let me open the e-mails - much to my frustration ! Anyway , I must dash . See you soon . Oh , and since you made such a point of it in our online chat session last Sunday , I shall end my e-mail as follows love &NAME Telephone &NAME DATE PLACE NUMBER DURATION COST PERPETRATOR &WEBSITE &NAME &NAME says if I receive no response within &NUM week he will spam yours and &NAME 's e-mail accounts . &NAME that get a reaction ? SUBJECT: SIMPLE BILL Dear &NAME , I have just received &NAME 's comments on the telephone bill . therefore , here is an even simpler bill for you to look at ... DATE PLACE NUMBER DURATION COST PERPETRATOR &WEBSITE &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Flat Telephone &NAME quickly , I have starred those I recognise ( &CHAR / &CHAR &NAME ) . I have put the &NUM in brackets coz I do n't recognise them but they could well have been me . the rest are unknown to me . hope this helps , email you soon . &NAME x ps what is " spam " ? ( apart from a rather unpleasant luncheon meat ? ) From : &NAME To : &EMAIL Subject : Flat Telephone &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear &NAME , Hello . I have enclosed a simplified telephone bill as requested . Also , I would like to let you know that by now your flat deposit will have been credited to your account by &NAME &NAME 's. I received &NUM pounds , so that augurs well for the rest of you . Hope you had a lovely day with &NAME in &NAME . I am going to book my train tickets this evening . Thank you for your text message , and sorry that I had to rush away when you telephoned me last night . I had placed an advertisement for my &NUM chemistry sets , which I have had for &NUM years in the local newspaper , and a man came to view them . He then bought them , which was wonderful ! Now it is the weekend , and I am very glad . I shall indulge in a long stay in my bed tomorrow morning . By the way , if you get any e-mails from 'Social Research Associates " in your &NAME account , do n't download the attached document as it is a virus . &NAME told me . I got &NUM such e-mails and tried repeatedly in vain to open them . I was very very curious about them . Thankfully I was using web-mail , and it refused to let me open the e-mails - much to my frustration ! Anyway , I must dash . See you soon . Oh , and since you made such a point of it in our online chat session last Sunday , I shall end my e-mail as follows love &NAME Telephone &NAME DATE PLACE NUMBER DURATION COST PERPETRATOR &WEBSITE * * * &WEBSITE * * * &WEBSITE ( * * * ) &WEBSITE ( * * * ) &WEBSITE &NAME &NAME says if I receive no response within &NUM week he will spam yours and &NAME 's e-mail accounts . &NAME that get a reaction ? Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE &NAME , in need of desperate help ! how do I clear the thing ... ok , you get to the sign in bit for hotmail and you type your name . on this computer I only have to type " &CHAR " and it comes up as &EMAIL . how do I stop it doing that , coz I accidental;ly typed my password in and now it comes up for all the family to see and it 's my pin and everything ! help ! love &NAME x Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : &NAME in &NAME dear babe sorry you ca n't make it next weekend . it would have been cool to see you again . ta for the pc , glad you had a gd time in &NAME . I have nothing else to tell you because I am bored stiff . I hope yoiu are having a more entertaining time than me . love &NAME xx From : &NAME To : " &NAME &NAME " &NAME : " &NAME " , " &EMAIL &NAME " , " &EMAIL &NAME " , " &EMAIL &NAME " , " &EMAIL &NAME " , " &NAME &NAME " , " &NAME " , " &EMAIL &NAME " , 'Millza ( &NAME ) " , " &EMAIL &NAME " Subject : Re : &NAME in &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear assorted wonderful people , After reading many e-mails ( &NUM ) about a marvellous-sounding proposed weekend in &NAME , I regret to inform you that I will be unable to attend . &NAME , &NUM cannot get off work that weekend . Therefore I wish you all a most enjoyable weekend and I hope to see you &NUM weeks later in &NAME &NAME . With deepest regrets at missing such a fun-sounding time , &NAME Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Possibly some help , perhaps not ... Dear &NAME , It was lovely to chat to you , and thanks for the e-card once more . It really is very nice . Now , about your compromised security details You can either change you pin ( an enjoyable pastime ) , or Click on : My computer , &CHAR , Windows , &NAME &NAME &NAME . Then : Select all the files , by clicking on " edit " and 'select all " . Finally : Press the 'delete " key on your keyboard . This might work . If not , I 'll try again at 10pm . Hope you are well , &NAME SUBJECT: ( MESSAGE ) ( DATE ) &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM ( &NUM ) ( MESSAGE_BODY ) Dear &NAME , 'Dear babe ( you do kinda remind me of the pig ... ) " - I shall try to take that in the nicest possible sense . " Thanks for your help ; sorry it was n't more of a proper conversation ! " - You 're quite welcome . Is the confusion tactic having any success ? I 'm sure the scroll-list thing will not be endless , and that if you type in enough false passwords , your one will eventually not appear . " I do n't think I am going to have time this hol to come visit , unfortunately , but next summer I definitely will unless I 've offended you irreparably ( likely ) . " - Oh good ! I look forward to that . Of course you have n't offended me ! Why would you think that ? Do you think I 'm easily offended ? " We have a new car . It 's big . " - Very nice . What type is it ? Is it blue ? We 're thinking of getting a new car in a week 's time too . Well , I 've had not too bad a day today . I managed to escape working tomorrow which is wonderful as I can sleep . Next weekend I 'm going to &NAME for my cousin 's wedding , so that shall mean more time off work ! This evening I 've done some chemistry and am going to watch " Friends " in &NUM minutes . Have you heard from &NAME lately ? I have n't. Do you think she 's offended by that text message I sent her when we were in the tram travelling back from &NAME ? Apparently she 's on another camp this weekend . Are you well ? What are you doing this weekend ? &NAME seems to pass very quickly and meaninglessly when one is quite busy . See you soon , love &NAME ( still debating on the babe-pig thing ) SUBJECT: Your Cyberstalker " little truffler " ? ? ? " Was just about to speak to you when you disappeared . " - Oh , you were too slow . Sorry . 'Some random guy emailed me and said that he had just moved here and wanted to meet people and he " noticed I went to school here " , how would he get this info ? And is he a creep ? And do I have a cyberstalker ? " - I would say he definitely must be a creep . All the evidence points to that . Seriously , though , perhaps someone is playing a practical joke on you . If not , then it is quite probable that he ( or she ) could find out such details about you . I do n't know how , but it is possible . As to having a cyberstalker again , an exciting possibility . Are you happy ? What film did you go and see ? Bye , &NAME SUBJECT: ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? Boredom3F ? Dear &NAME , Thanks very much for your e-mail . It was really good to chat to you last night , and sorry for being in rather a depressed mood at first - if you noticed . Anyway , I am happier today and have just got home from work . Why are you so bored ? Are you looking forward to seeing &NAME ? I look forward to receiving your pictures of &NAME . Do you still want to know about &NAME 's idea for a practical joke ? Well , if you do then please do n't tell anyone , especially him . His parents recently bought a new remote control doorbell , which can be activated from up to &NUM meters away . Such an item would produce much scope &NAME suggested both placing it in someone 's room at night , and also in a lecture theatre in someone 's bag . I prefer the lecture theatre idea , but it is much more risky . &NAME , it might be interesting if he did that . Anyway , &NAME 's brother 's username file still has not been created . I realised I could connect to the &NAME undergraduate server and find out , but it is not there yet . We must wait Hope you become less bored soon . Say hi to &NAME for me if you remember , &NAME SUBJECT: Rather difficult to categorise . Dear &NAME , " I forget whether it 's my turn or yours , but it 's probably mine . " - So now it must be mine . I wish I was coming this weekend too . I enjoyed chatting to you a few evenings ago . Did you 'shop till you dropped " in &NAME ? How did your sister enjoy &NAME ? So are you still enjoying having &NAME to stay ? Say hi to her from me . What have you been up to this week ? Today I have been at work etc. , etc. , rather boring stuff . This evening I finished all the chemistry I 'm doing this summer ! ! ! I am very happy ! Now I can write emails Actually , I 'm sure I have other things to do as well . I am getting a nasty cold at the moment and I am enjoying sneezing . ( Well , it 's such an unusual experience , and it is rather pleasant . ) I put my virus down to my colleagues at work . They are all rather ill too at present . This is what comes when one integrates with society - I should never have left the house . Actually , I should never have stopped drinking cactus juice something to take up again . Here in &NAME the natives are gathering round their fires , plotting something wicked I 'll be bound . You can hear them at nights wailing and moaning softly to each other . Some say it 's just the wind passing through the trees , but I 'm a chemist and therefore must know better . I fear they shall never let me return to &NAME . Perhaps the southern redheaded one could use his influence on them . They are in awe of his powers of talking for hours about rocks . Strange folk , the Scottish barbarians . &NAME , only &NUM weeks of the summer holidays left . Are you yearning to be back in &NAME ? I 'm not sure if I 'm looking forward to it . It 's rather funny , but most of the summer I miss being in &NAME with my friends , but then for usually about the last week or so I miss being at home with my family . Surely it does n't take me that long to readjust ? Oh dear , oh dear . I want a moose 's head . I wonder if &NAME brought one back from &NAME . He did say he would , but that was a year or more ago . Such a charming object , a moose 's head , do n't you think ? So delightful , so imposing , so furry . I 'm sure &NAME would like one . Well , I seem to have written some rather ridiculous nonsense this evening . Never mind , I 'm happy with my chemistry . Perhaps that 's the reason ; perhaps it 's the moon . Perhaps it 's because I have n't done the &NAME &NUM crossword today and my brain has to do something with it 's excess neural energy . Perhaps that 's the most ridiculous thing I 've every thought up . I do n't know ! Have a lovely day tomorrow , whatever you and &NAME are doing , and do enjoy the weekend . I hope we can chat sometime soon . Very best wishes , Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME is staying with me . I will pay you when I see you if that 's ok . if not , email me . looking forward to seeing you , too , &NAME . &NAME . From : " &NAME &NAME " To : " &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " &NAME : " &NAME , &NAME " Subject : Re : &NAME &NAME : Sat , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Yeah , I 'll try and do that on monday . If I forget , I 'm sure you 'll remind me ! &NAME , any news on the job sit ? Perhaps we could kidnap you from work . That would be exciting . Looking forward to seeing you guys . ... &NAME Boys , Girls and &NAME , Please can you either pay or cash ( &NAME ) your outstanding cheques to the flat account , so we can close the book on it . &NAME . &NAME ( a &NAME / &NAME conglomerate ) Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE Dearest Babe-pig-in-the-city , I forget whether it 's my turn or yours , but it 's probably mine . &CHAR , &NAME , I wish you were coming this weekend . It wo n't be the same without you ! &NAME is here visiting me . It is fun . We went to town today and then to the flower festival at my church . Tomorrow we 're going to &NAME ( town near here ) . The parents and &NAME and &NAME have gone to a concert at church but I 'm too tired . I went to that 21st party ( you remember , &NUM you know ) and stayed up til 4am , so I 'm pretty knackered still . Just watching TV . That 's all . &NAME to chat soon , love &NAME xxx Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME little man , I had wondered at your silence but I thought you were too busy looking for truffles . kidding . I have been &CHAR &CHAR &CHAR busy with church stuff , like locking up after annoying late people . are you going to watch the sketch show tonight on itv ? it is very funny , I think you will really like it . my sisiter has departed to &NAME once more and I am berfeft of youthful company . has &NAME deicded what he 's going to do ? will you come round for a meal and fix our tv ? I am looking forward to seing you lots , you must come to my house soon , but only if you want to of course . I have nothing of interest to tell you . my best to the fragrant &NAME , &NAME &NAME x From : &NAME ( &EMAIL ) To : &EMAIL Subject : &NAME &NAME &NAME : Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear &NAME , Hello . You may have wondered why I have been so silent for the past week , then again you may not . Well , the reason is because dear old &NAME was very ill . She contracted a nasty computer virus last Wednesday . This malicious program did not allow her to open any applications , like Word , &NAME Explorer , etc. Anyway , after downloading a little program from our anti-virus company 's web-site and injecting &NAME with it she is now back to her old cheerful self . Her first encounter with a computer virus - quite interesting . I saw your bridesmaid-to-be yesterday when he arrived in &NAME &NAME . I must say I ca n't picture him as a bridesmaid . It will be a very odd wedding . I have only &NUM more days of work left ! ! ! O joy ! Then I will be going back to lovely &NAME on Monday . So what have you done this week ? Are you all prepared for next term yet ? ( I certainly am not anyway . ) Are you still going to post those photos , or would you rather give them to me at &NAME ? Hope you are well and having a good time . It would be nice to chat sometime soon if you like . Have a good evening , &NAME Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : truffles ( I like that word ) &NAME , my love , I 'm pleased with your progress under my tutelage . you actually signed yourself " love &NAME " . well done , heartiest congrats ! truffles are &NUM things . they are expensive chocolates , very rich and gorgeous . they are also things that pigs hunt for that are woodlandy ; like pig truffles really . they scruff their snouts along the ground trying to find them , it 's called truffling . of course I will come visit you , whenever I get my first invite ! &NAME &NAME x From : &NAME To : &EMAIL Subject : truffles ( I like that word ) &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear &NAME , What are truffles ? " I have been &CHAR &CHAR &CHAR busy with church stuff , like locking up after annoying late people . " - You should just lock them up instead . When do you finish your vergering job ? " &NAME you come round for a meal and fix our tv ? I am looking forward to seeing you lots , you must come to my house soon , but only if you want to of course . " - I would love to come round for a meal , but I 'm not sure if I 'll be able to fix a TV , however I 'm sure I could try . I 'm looking forward to seeing you lots too . Of course I 'd like to come to your house soon ! You shall have to come and visit me in college too , but only if you want of course . I 'm going back on Monday sometime . " I have nothing of interest to tell you . " - &NAME neither , unfortunately . We 're getting a new car on Saturday and I 'm looking forward to seeing it . It matches my phone . 'My best to the fragrant &NAME . " - &NAME has a nice computery scent . My greetings to &NAME . Love &NAME Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : truffles again hi babe , ca n't stya have to put the cats to bed . thanks for the email , hope to see you soon , on sun if you want or mon if you want to come round . &NAME atn From : &NAME To : &EMAIL Subject : truffles again &NAME : Wed , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear &NAME , " &NAME are &NUM things " - I prefer the chocolate kind , although I have little acquaintance with either . " They scruff their snouts along the ground trying to find them , it 's called truffling . " - You seem to be rather an authority on pigs . " I will come visit you , whenever I get my first invite ! " - You 're most welcome to come and see me anytime . I will be very pleased to see you , and you do n't need an invite ! But if you 're not busy on Tuesday sometime then you have an invite . Only &NUM more days of work left . Marvellous ! I wonder what I shall do this evening . &NAME , perhaps I 'll begin getting my belongings together for going back to &NAME . Really looking forward to seeing you again . Love &NAME Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Dear &NAME , Hello . You may have wondered why I have been so silent for the past week , then again you may not . Well , the reason is because dear old &NAME was very ill . She contracted a nasty computer virus last Wednesday . This malicious program did not allow her to open any applications , like Word , &NAME Explorer , etc. Anyway , after downloading a little program from our anti-virus company 's web-site and injecting &NAME with it she is now back to her old cheerful self . Her first encounter with a computer virus - quite interesting . I saw your bridesmaid-to-be yesterday when he arrived in &NAME &NAME . I must say I ca n't picture him as a bridesmaid . It will be a very odd wedding . I have only &NUM more days of work left ! ! ! O joy ! Then I will be going back to lovely &NAME on Monday . So what have you done this week ? Are you all prepared for next term yet ? ( I certainly am not anyway . ) Are you still going to post those photos , or would you rather give them to me at &NAME ? Hope you are well and having a good time . It would be nice to chat sometime soon if you like . Have a good evening , &NAME SUBJECT: truffles ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? &NUM ? like that ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? word29 ? Dear &NAME , What are truffles ? " I have been &CHAR &CHAR &CHAR busy with church stuff , like locking up after annoying late people . " - You should just lock them up instead . When do you finish your vergering job ? " &NAME you come round for a meal and fix our tv ? I am looking forward to seeing you lots , you must come to my house soon , but only if you want to of course . " - I would love to come round for a meal , but I 'm not sure if I 'll be able to fix a TV , however I 'm sure I could try . I 'm looking forward to seeing you lots too . Of course I 'd like to come to your house soon ! You shall have to come and visit me in college too , but only if you want of course . I 'm going back on Monday sometime . " I have nothing of interest to tell you . " - &NAME neither , unfortunately . We 're getting a new car on Saturday and I 'm looking forward to seeing it . It matches my phone . 'My best to the fragrant &NAME . " - &NAME has a nice computery scent . My greetings to &NAME . Love &NAME SUBJECT: truffles again Dear &NAME , " &NAME are &NUM things " - I prefer the chocolate kind , although I have little acquaintance with either . " They scruff their snouts along the ground trying to find them , it 's called truffling . " - You seem to be rather an authority on pigs . " I will come visit you , whenever I get my first invite ! " - You 're most welcome to come and see me anytime . I will be very pleased to see you , and you do n't need an invite ! But if you 're not busy on Tuesday sometime then you have an invite . Only &NUM more days of work left . Marvellous ! I wonder what I shall do this evening . &NAME , perhaps I 'll begin getting my belongings together for going back to &NAME . Really looking forward to seeing you again . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : truffles again Dear &NAME , Hi . I 've finished work ! I 'm very happy . Thanks for the e-mail . Looking forward to seeing you , but I do n't arrive in &NAME until Monday afternoon , so Sunday is not possible , unfortunately . Why did you put the cats to bed ? I thought you disliked them ? Anyway , have a good weekend . Love &NAME Dear &NAME and &NAME , Thank you for the messages you left on my door . I assume they were from you as they had your names after them . If they were forged then please ignore this e-mail . Why does everyone ask me where I am today ? Lectures have started - of course ! I have put some pictures up on my walls &NAME , and &NAME says my room now passes . &NAME . I still have a long way to go though . You both may be interested to know ( though I doubt it ) that &NAME ( also known as " that horrible stuffed creature " ) has now found a permanent home with our intrepid &NAME &NAME who , incidentally , was mortified that he received no messages when you had both been so close to his room ( a feat of tremendous endurance in itself and really he ought n't ask for any more ) . Hope you are both well and had enjoyable days , love &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME , Excuse me - but you received that e-mail from &NAME , not me . I asked him to write you an entirely different reply . However , I will still try and help you , although I must ask you to retract your accusation that I am best friends with a computer . It is causing me great pain and the emotional scarring is likely to be deep and long lasting . &NUM ) I assume you are referring to &NAME &NAME &NAME , the service on the &NAME &NAME ? &NUM ) There ought to be no problem in creating an independent address list to that of you directory , but unfortunately there is . &NAME &NAME does not seem to remember the address list you create , so you seem to have to re input it each time you log on to a networked PC . This is extremely tiresome , but until the ITS fix the problem I know not of any solution . Perhaps our &NUM technically minded friends will shed some light on the situation . &NAME SUBJECT: Poetry Dear &NAME , &NAME , I have n't heard that variety before . Anyway , of course I realise your verse is far superior to &NAME 's. I however , being the tender-hearted barbarian that I am , did not want to hurt her feelings after the valiant attempt at poetry which she made . How many hours and drafts it must have taken her to produce such a composition as &CHAR &NAME we love you We truly do ( and your pen ) Where &CHAR &CHAR ? Whilst your delightful creation surpasses the sublime &CHAR &NAME I adore thee &NAME &NAME my favourite boy And when thou smilst at me I brings profoundest joy . I look forward to my imminent room inspection . I cannot comment on &NAME 's standards yet as I have still to see her room . As for the message you left on &NAME 's door , he thought that was from someone else . He could n't read your name . " We ask where you are because we do n't know , dimwit . We do n't know EXACTLY where you are . And writing " &NAME , where are you ? See you soon , &NAME " is better &NAME " &NAME , you troll , you 're obviously out seducing an innocent first-year . Leave them alone , you skulking great monster . " Is n't it ? " - That 's nasty . I am not a dimwit . I was attending a lecture . Of course it 's better to write the truth than lies . Innocent first years ? Whatever next . See you soon , love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) This is NOT helpful . &NAME , you are best friends with a computer , and &NAME , it 's your DEGREE ! ! Where is the knowledge , the erudition , the learnedness ? I am now not sure whether I need the help or you both do . &NAME ( slightly irritated ) P.S. Am adding &NAME so he does n't feel left out . Also , he may be able to help me . Unlike SOME people . &NAME &NAME wrote : After consultation with &NAME , he says : I do n't really know . So , a suggestion is : " look in the help file " &NAME this helps ( as if ) &CHAR " &NAME &NAME " wrote : Also , sorry , a technical point . Do you know how I create an address list in &NAME without adding all the people that I want to put in it to my own address book ? If you are busy , do n't worry about it . I can always ask &NAME these third years . They have nothing to do ... SUBJECT: Re : &NAME , Can you really tell me that you did n't recognise the superiority of my verse to &NAME 's, and my own especial distinctive style ? I am disgusted at your lack of taste and culture . I am going to inspect your room before long and tell you whether it passes my high standards . They are higher than &NAME 's; I have seen her room . I did leave &NAME a message on his door . Obviously neither of you can read . We ask where you are because we do n't know , dimwit . We do n't know EXACTLY where you are . And writing " &NAME , where are you ? See you soon , &NAME " is better &NAME " &NAME , you troll , you 're obviously out seducing an innocent first-year . Leave them alone , you skulking great monster . " Is n't it ? &NAME , great to see you yesterday . I 'll see you later . In about &NUM minutes , actually . When can I come for a sleepover ? ( with &NAME too , of course ) . Love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME and &NAME , Thank you for the messages you left on my door . I assume they were from you as they had your names after them . If they were forged then please ignore this e-mail . Why does everyone ask me where I am today ? Lectures have started - of course ! I have put some pictures up on my walls &NAME , and &NAME says my room now passes . &NAME . I still have a long way to go though . You both may be interested to know ( though I doubt it ) that &NAME ( also known as " that horrible stuffed creature " ) has now found a permanent home with our intrepid &NAME &NAME who , incidentally , was mortified that he received no messages when you had both been so close to his room ( a feat of tremendous endurance in itself and really he ought n't ask for any more ) . Hope you are both well and had enjoyable days , love &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME , Hello ! How are you today ? Did you have any of your &NUM lectures ? I 've had a very good day in that I handed in my dissertation and finished my experiment by 3pm . This means I have all of tomorrow off ! I am very happy about this . Anyway , you owe the flat account £ &NUM . It was most pleasant to see you on Saturday afternoon . I hope your cough is getting better . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Dear &NAME , Are you being serious ? I hope you 're not too bored . I 'm going shopping this morning since I have the day off . Actually , I 've just got up - shockingly late . We watched &NAME &NAME last night ( we being &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME etc. ) . Hope you have a good day . I shall contact &NAME &NAME and demand money from him . See you , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : hey babe . bored yet not willing to do anything . I know I owe much cash . contact my accountant , &NAME , who pays all my bills . &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Hello ! How are you today ? Did you have any of your &NUM lectures ? I 've had a very good day in that I handed in my dissertation and finished my experiment by 3pm . This means I have all of tomorrow off ! I am very happy about this . Anyway , you owe the flat account £ &NUM . It was most pleasant to see you on Saturday afternoon . I hope your cough is getting better . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME hey babe . bored yet not willing to do anything . I know I owe much cash . contact my accountant , &NAME , who pays all my bills . &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Hello ! How are you today ? Did you have any of your &NUM lectures ? I 've had a very good day in that I handed in my dissertation and finished my experiment by 3pm . This means I have all of tomorrow off ! I am very happy about this . Anyway , you owe the flat account £ &NUM . It was most pleasant to see you on Saturday afternoon . I hope your cough is getting better . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME glad you had a good time last night , be seeing you around . &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Are you being serious ? I hope you 're not too bored . I 'm going shopping this morning since I have the day off . Actually , I 've just got up - shockingly late . We watched &NAME &NAME last night ( we being &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME etc. ) . Hope you have a good day . I shall contact &NAME &NAME and demand money from him . See you , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : hey babe . bored yet not willing to do anything . I know I owe much cash . contact my accountant , &NAME , who pays all my bills . &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Hello ! How are you today ? Did you have any of your &NUM lectures ? I 've had a very good day in that I handed in my dissertation and finished my experiment by 3pm . This means I have all of tomorrow off ! I am very happy about this . Anyway , you owe the flat account £ &NUM . It was most pleasant to see you on Saturday afternoon . I hope your cough is getting better . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME I will def come visit you soon , althought not this pm . are you free tomorrow ? &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Did I say I had a good time ? Actually , I did , although I never mentioned it . Have a good afternoon . If you 're bored you can come and visit me . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : glad you had a good time last night , be seeing you around . &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Are you being serious ? I hope you 're not too bored . I 'm going shopping this morning since I have the day off . Actually , I 've just got up - shockingly late . We watched &NAME &NAME last night ( we being &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME etc. ) . Hope you have a good day . I shall contact &NAME &NAME and demand money from him . See you , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : hey babe . bored yet not willing to do anything . I know I owe much cash . contact my accountant , &NAME , who pays all my bills . &NAME x &NAME wrote : SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Dear &NAME , Did I say I had a good time ? Actually , I did , although I never mentioned it . Have a good afternoon . If you 're bored you can come and visit me . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : glad you had a good time last night , be seeing you around . &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Are you being serious ? I hope you 're not too bored . I 'm going shopping this morning since I have the day off . Actually , I 've just got up - shockingly late . We watched &NAME &NAME last night ( we being &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME etc. ) . Hope you have a good day . I shall contact &NAME &NAME and demand money from him . See you , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : hey babe . bored yet not willing to do anything . I know I owe much cash . contact my accountant , &NAME , who pays all my bills . &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Hello ! How are you today ? Did you have any of your &NUM lectures ? I 've had a very good day in that I handed in my dissertation and finished my experiment by 3pm . This means I have all of tomorrow off ! I am very happy about this . Anyway , you owe the flat account £ &NUM . It was most pleasant to see you on Saturday afternoon . I hope your cough is getting better . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Dear &NAME , I am free after &NUM : &NUM tomorrow . I would love to see you then if you are not doing anything else . Have a good evening . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : I will def come visit you soon , althought not this pm . are you free tomorrow ? &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Did I say I had a good time ? Actually , I did , although I never mentioned it . Have a good afternoon . If you 're bored you can come and visit me . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : glad you had a good time last night , be seeing you around . &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Are you being serious ? I hope you 're not too bored . I 'm going shopping this morning since I have the day off . Actually , I 've just got up - shockingly late . We watched &NAME &NAME last night ( we being &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME etc. ) . Hope you have a good day . I shall contact &NAME &NAME and demand money from him . See you , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : SUBJECT: Re : &NAME hello petal ! I have auditions and callbacks , so I may not be able to come round but I wil;l def see you later in the wekk , love &NAME xx hope you are well . xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I am free after &NUM : &NUM tomorrow . I would love to see you then if you are not doing anything else . Have a good evening . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : I will def come visit you soon , althought not this pm . are you free tomorrow ? &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Did I say I had a good time ? Actually , I did , although I never mentioned it . Have a good afternoon . If you 're bored you can come and visit me . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : glad you had a good time last night , be seeing you around . &NAME x &NAME wrote : SUBJECT: ( no subject ) SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Dear &NAME , Absolutely no bother at all . It is quite easy if you know how , and I will now tell you how ... Select the email addresses in the " &NAME " document . ( Drag the mouse , holding down the left hand button , from the top of the &CHAR column to the bottom - cells D1 to &NAME Then go to " edit " and click " copy " . Next , open a new message window in " &NAME &NAME " . Click in the " to " line ( where you normally type the e-mail address of the person you 're emailing ) , then go to " edit " and click " paste " . A long list will appear . Press return and the computer will do things to it . Then type your email as normal . There are a lot of people in the ballroom dancing society . &NAME that was helpful , if not please let me or &NAME know and we 'll try to explain it more clearly . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : hello ... sorry to bother you , but I really need your help and will be forever more in your debt . o fabulous boys ... am sending you the ballroom dancing list ; I need to get the email addresses from that list onto this thing ( as yours are above ) but I ca n't seem to copy and paste . any ideas , o brainy one ? if not , do n't worry , I will just have to bore myself stupid and type them all out again ( ggrrr . computers hate me ) . love to both you little stars ( ! yes , I know compliments ahev no bearing on whether you can actually do this or not ) , &NAME xx &WEBSITE Type : &NAME &NAME &NAME ( application / x-msexcel ) &NAME : &NAME Download Status : Not downloaded with message SUBJECT: ( no subject ) I HATE myslef . I am so STUPID . why can I not do this simple thing ? &NAME . hmmm . improvements to self needed . SUBJECT: ( no subject ) you are both stars and very brainy too ! thank you thank you thank you ! love &NAME xx SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME , To the best of my knowledge &NAME and I are going to your house this evening for dinner . If this is not accurate information , please correct me . As far as I am aware we intend to arrive at 7pm . However , it would be nice to know where you live as I have , unfortunately , forgotten . I know how to get there ; I just do n't know where it is . Anyway , please would you e-mail me sometime today and let me know . Thank you very much . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME , if you thank me one more time ... grr , we are FRIENDS . you do n't need to thank me especially as you are doing me a favour as I do n't have to hike down the hill . &NUM is good . it will be simple food , as I have a seminar till &NUM . I live at &NUM mistletoe st . I should warn you that I have to go see somone about trains at just after &NUM , but other than that you are welcom to stay tl whenever . lookign forwadrt I see you both ... love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , To the best of my knowledge &NAME and I are going to your house this evening for dinner . If this is not accurate information , please correct me . As far as I am aware we intend to arrive at 7pm . However , it would be nice to know where you live as I have , unfortunately , forgotten . I know how to get there ; I just do n't know where it is . Anyway , please would you e-mail me sometime today and let me know . Thank you very much . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Dear &NAME , In spite of you protests yesterday I would like to thank you for inviting me to dinner last night . It was lovely and I think your house is very nice . It is even quite clean and tidy . I am impressed . It was really nice to see you again . I walked to lectures this mornig with &NAME and we surveyed the roadside in search of suitable lamp-posts for &NAME 's shrine . This will be very amusing ... Hope you are enjoying your busy day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: [ Fwd : Fwd : [ Fwd : A little joke ... ] ] I apologise if this offends any of you . &NAME x Hello everyone , I just thought this was quite funny , and that you might like to read it . If you do n't find it funny , remember : I did n't force you to press on the link ! oh and apologies for the large number of forwarded messgaes ! &WEBSITE &NAME Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: &NAME Answers Dear &NAME , Answers to the &NUM perplexing clues from yesterday 's crossword ... &NUM Down : " An archbishop of &NAME ; his school " - &NAME &NUM Down : " E.g. &NAME , &NAME " - Opera Hope you had a good day . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Answers dearest &NAME , thank you lots . I have a favour . &NAME and I were wondering if you would 'do " the posters , ie if I send you the title and stuff you will arrange them ? we would be grateful ! I will give them to you tonight at &NAME 's thing if you are going , or someone else if you are not . &NAME &NAME ps I have rather presumed you will , have n't I ? well , do do it , &NAME ! thanks &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Answers to the &NUM perplexing clues from yesterday 's crossword ... &NUM Down : " An archbishop of &NAME ; his school " - &NAME &NUM Down : " E.g. &NAME , &NAME " - Opera Hope you had a good day . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Answers Dear &NAME , Of course I 'll do it if you like , but I 'm not very artistic . However , I 'm sure you might have some vague ideas of what you want them to look like ? Hopefully ... ! Yes , I 'm going to &NAME 's thing this evening , so that will be okay . Hope you are having a good day . See you this evening . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : dearest &NAME , thank you lots . I have a favour . &NAME and I were wondering if you would 'do " the posters , ie if I send you the title and stuff you will arrange them ? we would be grateful ! I will give them to you tonight at &NAME 's thing if you are going , or someone else if you are not . &NAME &NAME ps I have rather presumed you will , have n't I ? well , do do it , &NAME ! thanks &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Answers to the &NUM perplexing clues from yesterday 's crossword ... &NUM Down : " An archbishop of &NAME ; his school " - &NAME &NUM Down : " E.g. &NAME , &NAME " - Opera Hope you had a good day . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : [ Fwd : Re : ( no subject ) ] Dear &NAME , What is this for ? Do you want it to go on the poster ? I assume it is Godspell stuff . Hope you had a good weekend . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : Here you go ... &NAME &NAME &NAME St. &NAME 's College &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME DH1 &NAME Department of Geological Sciences University of &NAME [ Image ] SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Dear &NAME , I am having problems with the disk you gave me . It is either not formatted or formatted for apple only . Anyway , it will not give me access to the publisher file . Therefore , could you please email me the relevant file and that will hopfully work . I got the picture okay . Do you want it to form the entire background for the poster ? Hope you enjoyed your weekend at home and I 'll see you sometime . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : [ Fwd : Re : ( no subject ) ] &NAME , could you send me the rough copy of what you 've done so far for the poster just so I can check it over for dates , times etc ? thanx babe . &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , What is this for ? Do you want it to go on the poster ? I assume it is Godspell stuff . Hope you had a good weekend . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : Here you go ... &NAME &NAME &NAME St. &NAME 's College &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME DH1 &NAME Department of Geological Sciences University of &NAME [ Image ] SUBJECT: ( no subject ) babe , can I come and see you about &NUM tonight and sort the poster out and then we can have a chat ? is urgent we sort the poster out though ... hope this is ok , will assume it is , text me if not , but see you at &NUM ! love &NAME xx SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Of course it 's okay , but since I have n't got the title thing I have n't been able to do very much . See you at 8pm . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : babe , can I come and see you about &NUM tonight and sort the poster out and then we can have a chat ? is urgent we sort the poster out though ... hope this is ok , will assume it is , text me if not , but see you at &NUM ! love &NAME xx SUBJECT: spell.pub SUBJECT: &NAME Hi &NAME , What do you mean it only saves the text ? Are you talking about the email ? Click on the attachment and select 'save to disk " . Then put in your disk and save it . Have a good day , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Meal Dear &NAME , Yes , we were , but &NAME does n't do happy hour on Friday nights , so we thought we would fall back on our original plan and cook one . It will be cheaper this way , ~£ &NUM per person . Hope you can still come . Can you still come ? We 'll all ( minus a few ) probably get a video out or go to the cinema or chat afterwards . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME , I thought we were going out for a meal ? huh ? &NAME wrote : Dear past residents of &NAME &CHAR , &NAME &CHAR and select others , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME would like to arrange a meal , provisionally for this Friday at 7pm in &NAME Vac kitchen . &NAME and &NAME will cook a delightful feast and the charge will be split between us sometime . Hope you can come , please let us know either way - before Friday lunchtime ( but sooner would be nice ) . Thank you very much . SUBJECT: Re : Payment for meal last Friday unfortunately I am not sacred of either &NAME or time ( they are wimps ) and so will never be paying . your ever . &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear all , Thank you for coming last Friday evening . I hope you all had an enjoyable time . The total cost of the meal was £ &NUM , and that is to be divided between &NUM . Therefore everyone oews me £ &NUM . Cheques should be made payable to &CHAR &CHAR &NAME . I do not take switch as yet ; unfortunately . &NAME is also perfectly acceptable . Do not feel required to settle this account until the end of the summer term , when I shall come knocking on your door with &NUM large bodyguards ( &NAME and &NAME ) . Anyway , I think that 's all . &NAME SUBJECT: ( no subject ) see you at &NUM tomorrow ? love &NAME xx SUBJECT: Re : Payment for meal last Friday Dear &NAME , I assume the " of " is meant to be " to " ... " I am not sacred to either &NAME or time " ? This raises interesting questions . If you do n't want to pay , fine . I do n't mind . Let your ( ahem ) conscience deal with it . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : unfortunately I am not sacred of either &NAME or time ( they are wimps ) and so will never be paying . your ever . &NAME x &NAME wrote : Dear all , Thank you for coming last Friday evening . I hope you all had an enjoyable time . The total cost of the meal was £ &NUM , and that is to be divided between &NUM . Therefore everyone oews me £ &NUM . Cheques should be made payable to &CHAR &CHAR &NAME . I do not take switch as yet ; unfortunately . &NAME is also perfectly acceptable . Do not feel required to settle this account until the end of the summer term , when I shall come knocking on your door with &NUM large bodyguards ( &NAME and &NAME ) . Anyway , I think that 's all . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Dear &NAME , I would love to see you at &NAME tomorrow . Hope you are having a good day . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : see you at &NUM tomorrow ? love &NAME xx SUBJECT: My literary acheivements Dear Miss &NAME , I would be delighted to allow you to proof-read my most recent novel . " The &NUM shores of the ocean " is an epic work which draws together &NUM fine people from very different lifestyles . I wrote it myself . In return for letting you preview my novel I have no doubt you will want to bestow upon me all sorts of gifts , etc. I have no objetcions to this and I feel I ought to tell you I am particularly partial to kiwi fruits at the moment . Please collect the book from my secretary , &NAME &NAME , at your convenience . I look forward to hearing your opinion on my most splendid achievement . Yours sincerely , &CHAR &CHAR &NAME ( Dear &NAME , &NAME says he would like you to read his book . I have it , so let me know when you want to collect it . Love &NAME . ) SUBJECT: My Birthday Meal Dear &NAME , Thank you so much for offering to organise my birthday meal . It was really kind of you . If you still do n't mind doing it then these are the people I would like to invite People : &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME . &NAME : Monday 26th November , evening . &NAME : I do not particularly mind where we goo and unless you have any particular preference perhaps you could ask the above people in your email to them . Whatever . Thanks ever so much again . Love &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME 's book & hope you ahd a good day . It was snowing ! ! ! Do you remember making snowballs last year and keeping them in the freezer ? SUBJECT: Re : &NAME 's Birthday You 're very funny . Thank you . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME , Friends of &NAME , and &NAME . &NAME will soon be reaching the illustrious age of &NUM ( on the 26th of November , for those of you reaching for your diaries ) , and it has been suggested that we celebrate this by going out for a meal . Realistically but unfortunately , the only evening possible that is even vaguely near &NAME 's actual birthday , is the Monday itself . This is a problem for all die-hard &NAME fans , and those on the Ballroom &NAME &NAME . However , if we go to &NAME 's for &NAME &NAME ( it 's just a name , &NAME , I 'm not promising any drastic mood enlightenments ) , we could book for &NUM 30ish which would leave plenty of time for those wanting to get back for &NAME . The rest of us ( or possibly just me and &NAME , if people do n't want to miss the &NAME I double act ) could then go on to elsewhere ( to be decided later ) . If everyone could let me know asap , as I can then either book the meal or have a mad think about another date , that would be great . If I have n't heard from you by next Tuesday , I 'll assume you 're not coming . Unlike most other birthday invitations , this one will not be containing the usual " if I 've forgotton anyone , please forward this email to them " . &NAME does n't really like many people ( &NAME 's only invited on sufferance ) . Thanks for reading this , for hopefully replying and for being special enough people for &NAME to want to invite you ! Love , &NAME . SUBJECT: &NAME Apologies for the mass email ; Just wondered if any of you wanted to come and see &NAME ( which , incidentally , I am producing ) . It 's on at the Assembly Rooms Thursday 15th- Saturday 17th , and , though I do say it myself it 's pretty good ! Thanks to all of you who are already planning to see it- if you do want tickets , just email me and I 'll reserve them for you . Hope you 're all well . Love , &NAME x SUBJECT: Dear &NAME , I would like to see you this week . Would &NAME on wednesday be a suitable time ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : - It would . Would it be a suitable time for you ? &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I would like to see you this week . Would &NAME on wednesday be a suitable time ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : - Dear &NAME , No , actually , I was just suggesting it to waste time . Of course it 's a suitable time for me . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : It would . Would it be a suitable time for you ? &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I would like to see you this week . Would &NAME on wednesday be a suitable time ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : - &CHAR &CHAR then then . love &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , No , actually , I was just suggesting it to waste time . Of course it 's a suitable time for me . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : It would . Would it be a suitable time for you ? &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I would like to see you this week . Would &NAME on wednesday be a suitable time ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : - Why do you call yourself &NAME ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &CHAR &CHAR then then . love &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , No , actually , I was just suggesting it to waste time . Of course it 's a suitable time for me . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : It would . Would it be a suitable time for you ? &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I would like to see you this week . Would &NAME on wednesday be a suitable time ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : - &NAME &NAME &NAME . &CHAR &CHAR tomorrow . &NAME wrote : Why do you call yourself &NAME ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &CHAR &CHAR then then . love &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , No , actually , I was just suggesting it to waste time . Of course it 's a suitable time for me . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : It would . Would it be a suitable time for you ? &NAME &NAME wrote : SUBJECT: &SMILEY Hi &NAME , Did you ever find the jacket you lost a few weeks ago in &NAME 's? If not , then try going to the &NAME flat before Sunday as they have lots of lost property whihc they are about to give to &NAME . It was really nice to see you today ! &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &SMILEY I did find my jacket thank you honey . but ta for the reminder . it was good to see you too . enjoy the rest of your day . I am going to watch tv ! love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , Did you ever find the jacket you lost a few weeks ago in &NAME 's? If not , then try going to the &NAME flat before Sunday as they have lots of lost property whihc they are about to give to &NAME . It was really nice to see you today ! &NAME SUBJECT: For your diary ... Dear &NAME , I am really sorry if my text message upset you , although I was hurt that you had forgotten me . Did you really mean that I could ring you and see if you wanted to visit even if it was n't a Wednesday at &NAME ? That would be lovely . Anyway , I would definitely like to see you before term ends . I am free Thursday 29th from &NUM : 45pm until 2am Friday 30th from &NUM : 45pm until &NAME from 9pm until 2am Saturday 1st from when I get up until lunch time from after &NAME until 2am Sunday 2nd from &NUM : 30pm until 2am Tuesday 4th from ( at least & possibly earlier ) 5pm until 2am Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : For your diary ... &NUM you do n't stay up till &NUM &NUM I did n't forget YOU , you baby , I forgot the appt . grrr ! I will reply when I have my diray with me . love ya ! &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I am really sorry if my text message upset you , although I was hurt that you had forgotten me . Did you really mean that I could ring you and see if you wanted to visit even if it was n't a Wednesday at &NAME ? That would be lovely . Anyway , I would definitely like to see you before term ends . I am free Thursday 29th from &NUM : 45pm until 2am Friday 30th from &NUM : 45pm until &NAME from 9pm until 2am Saturday 1st from when I get up until lunch time from after &NAME until 2am Sunday 2nd from &NUM : 30pm until 2am Tuesday 4th from ( at least & possibly earlier ) 5pm until 2am Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : For your diary ... &NUM Sometimes I do stay up until 2am . I 've done so at least &NUM times in the past week . &NUM Forgetting the appointment is the same as forgetting me , as I was the appointment . &NUM What is a 'diray " ? Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NUM you do n't stay up till &NUM &NUM I did n't forget YOU , you baby , I forgot the appt . grrr ! I will reply when I have my diray with me . love ya ! &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I am really sorry if my text message upset you , although I was hurt that you had forgotten me . Did you really mean that I could ring you and see if you wanted to visit even if it was n't a Wednesday at &NAME ? That would be lovely . Anyway , I would definitely like to see you before term ends . I am free Thursday 29th from &NUM : 45pm until 2am Friday 30th from &NUM : 45pm until &NAME from 9pm until 2am Saturday 1st from when I get up until lunch time from after &NAME until 2am Sunday 2nd from &NUM : 30pm until 2am Tuesday 4th from ( at least & possibly earlier ) 5pm until 2am Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : For your diary ... &NAME , you know what a diray is , it 's just my misspelling . it 's not the same as forgetting you , you make it sound as if I did it on purpose becasue I hate you or something . I would have forgotton whoever it was , not just you . good grief . &NAME wrote : &NUM Sometimes I do stay up until 2am . I 've done so at least &NUM times in the past week . &NUM Forgetting the appointment is the same as forgetting me , as I was the appointment . &NUM What is a 'diray " ? Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NUM you do n't stay up till &NUM &NUM I did n't forget YOU , you baby , I forgot the appt . grrr ! I will reply when I have my diray with me . love ya ! &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I am really sorry if my text message upset you , although I was hurt that you had forgotten me . Did you really mean that I could ring you and see if you wanted to visit even if it was n't a Wednesday at &NAME ? That would be lovely . Anyway , I would definitely like to see you before term ends . I am free Thursday 29th from &NUM : 45pm until 2am Friday 30th from &NUM : 45pm until &NAME from 9pm until 2am Saturday 1st from when I get up until lunch time from after &NAME until 2am Sunday 2nd from &NUM : 30pm until 2am Tuesday 4th from ( at least & possibly earlier ) 5pm until 2am Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : For your diary ... what about tuesday at &NUM ? &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I am really sorry if my text message upset you , although I was hurt that you had forgotten me . Did you really mean that I could ring you and see if you wanted to visit even if it was n't a Wednesday at &NAME ? That would be lovely . Anyway , I would definitely like to see you before term ends . I am free Thursday 29th from &NUM : 45pm until 2am Friday 30th from &NUM : 45pm until &NAME from 9pm until 2am Saturday 1st from when I get up until lunch time from after &NAME until 2am Sunday 2nd from &NUM : 30pm until 2am Tuesday 4th from ( at least & possibly earlier ) 5pm until 2am Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : For your diary ... Dear &NAME , Tuesday at &NUM suits me fine . See you then , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : what about tuesday at &NUM ? &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I am really sorry if my text message upset you , although I was hurt that you had forgotten me . Did you really mean that I could ring you and see if you wanted to visit even if it was n't a Wednesday at &NAME ? That would be lovely . Anyway , I would definitely like to see you before term ends . I am free Thursday 29th from &NUM : 45pm until 2am Friday 30th from &NUM : 45pm until &NAME from 9pm until 2am Saturday 1st from when I get up until lunch time from after &NAME until 2am Sunday 2nd from &NUM : 30pm until 2am Tuesday 4th from ( at least & possibly earlier ) &NAME until 2am Love &NAME SUBJECT: Hi &NAME ! Dear &NAME , Hope you are enjoying the CU conference . I am now back in &NAME . I have n't done very much this morning other than get up late . This afternoon I 'm going to &NAME to do some shopping . I must do some work ! Have a good day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: ( no subject ) &NAME babe . I have horrific amounts of work to do , it is horrid , although I am very mush enjoying writing about &NAME &NAME . which is what I am doing now . la de da . I have done nothing very interesting at all since the start of term , which is why I have no news . hmm hmm . I have read a bit and been ot bed early . and eaten stuff . I need some new trainers so I have had a look for those . I have seen &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME but noit &NAME , . perhaps he is avoiding me and who could blame him . the library is quite a restful place to work but my back hurts . I have a tutorial at either &NUM , &NUM or &NUM but I ca n't remember which which is annoying . I am scared scared scared by the work I have to do . nothing else to say , I am afraid due to boring life . &NAME xx SUBJECT: Re : Boredom quickly because I have a lecture- you are turning into a girl ! ! ! ! ! shopping indeed ! &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , So you 're busy with work then ? Glad to hear you 're still sleeping , eating etc. I do n't know about &NAME - he may be avoiding you . Is this bad ? My back hurts too . I hope you remember when your tutorial is . Do not be afraid of work . I have nothing much to say since I have absolutely nothing of interest to do . I have been doing some work and lazing around . Getting up late , eating , watching &NAME &NAME , checking my email Very boring . I want to go to &NAME and buy clothes . Hopefully soon . Have a good evening . &NAME SUBJECT: Boredom Dear &NAME , So you 're busy with work then ? Glad to hear you 're still sleeping , eating etc. I do n't know about &NAME - he may be avoiding you . Is this bad ? My back hurts too . I hope you remember when your tutorial is . Do not be afraid of work . I have nothing much to say since I have absolutely nothing of interest to do . I have been doing some work and lazing around . Getting up late , eating , watching &NAME &NAME , checking my email Very boring . I want to go to &NAME and buy clothes . Hopefully soon . Have a good evening . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Boredom No I 'm not . Shopping is simply a vehicle for me to get out somewhere . &NAME quickly because I have a lecture- you are turning into a girl ! ! ! ! ! shopping indeed ! &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , So you 're busy with work then ? Glad to hear you 're still sleeping , eating etc. I do n't know about &NAME - he may be avoiding you . Is this bad ? My back hurts too . I hope you remember when your tutorial is . Do not be afraid of work . I have nothing much to say since I have absolutely nothing of interest to do . I have been doing some work and lazing around . Getting up late , eating , watching &NAME &NAME , checking my email Very boring . I want to go to &NAME and buy clothes . Hopefully soon . Have a good evening . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME likes simultaneous equations thanks for a loevly weekend , we had a good time too . am now supposedly hard at work in the library . in relaity bored . O well . I hope you are not too stressed out by our visit . have a good week , say hello to &NAME for me . am in process of compiling list for you both ! love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME and &NAME , What can I say ? I had an absolutely wonderful weekend . Thank you ever so much . You 're both really lovely . It was certainly a surprise and thank you for giving up your time . I appreciated it . I hope you both enjoyed yourselves in barbaric &NAME and were not too shocked by the natives . Hopefully I 'll be going to &NAME a week on Monday ( 22nd ) sorry , I said Tuesday , did n't I , but I made a mistake ( scandalous admission ) and would love to see you both then . Do write ( or whatever ) soon , Love &NAME &NAME &NAME , it would seem that you were very perceptive when it came to laying odds on Saturday evening . SUBJECT: are these ok ? umm . of course : green day . . . . . . ... good riddance and then : all seeing I . . . . ... and the beat goes on &NAME &NAME . . . . . . ... always a woman sixpence none the richer . . . ... kiss me st etienne . . . . . . ... &NAME third day . . . . . ... I 've always loved you u2 . . . . . . ... all that you ca n't leave behind &NAME &NAME . . . . . ... you 've got a friend &NAME &NAME . . . . . ... fever the laas . . . . . . ... there she goes ravel . . . . . . . ... bolero ( NOT a pop song ) you 're amazing ! we want you to stay that way . &CHAR &CHAR SUBJECT: &NAME likes simultaneous equations Dear &NAME and &NAME , What can I say ? I had an absolutely wonderful weekend . Thank you ever so much . You 're both really lovely . It was certainly a surprise and thank you for giving up your time . I appreciated it . I hope you both enjoyed yourselves in barbaric &NAME and were not too shocked by the natives . Hopefully I 'll be going to &NAME a week on Monday ( 22nd ) sorry , I said Tuesday , did n't I , but I made a mistake ( scandalous admission ) and would love to see you both then . Do write ( or whatever ) soon , Love &NAME &NAME &NAME , it would seem that you were very perceptive when it came to laying odds on Saturday evening . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME likes simultaneous equations " Hello you &NUM " , " Well , today I have eaten a bowl of cereal and a piece of toast , so I have not JUST had " how is &NAME ? " . You should eat more , &NAME . " - I am lost . " &NAME , PLEASE STOP punctuating your emails with those stupid &NAME signs , it drives me mad . I feel foreign and unable to read your emails properly . " - &NAME &NAME , you see I write my emails in Word and when I copy them to &NAME strange things must happen . I shall try and make this one look normal . " &NAME , you are not thrifty , but what is the point of thrift ( cf. that bit in the &NAME / Godspell about not storing your treasures on earth ) . We should spend spend spend , thus I am going clothes shopping soon . " - Cf. That bit in the &NAME about being a good steward . But spending money is definitely fun . I thought you 'd just been clothes shopping - on the internet ? " Today I have sent off my thing to national savings which will enable me to redeem the money my parents have saved for me , I have done washing , I have changed my bed , had coffee with &NAME who amended my &NAME so that it now blatantly lies about how good I am at things . " - &NAME , do you have a national savings account ? I do too - but I suppose that 's not surprising . You did your washing - I miss doing my washing &NAME 's are never supposed to be an accurate reflection - of course they 're meant to exaggerate . " I have done no work . I do n't care . " - Is n't it strange that one never gets lots of work done on the same day as one 's friends . I found that last year in the flat with &NAME - he often told me he 'd done &NUM hours work , and I 'd done the crossword . Anyway , I got lots of work done yesterday - but not to be too annoying , it did n't really get me anywhere and I 'm still stuck even though I did n't stop " till &NAME . Oh dear ! " He [ &NAME &NAME ] said his new shoes were " nice and waterproof " and I said he sounded like &NAME . He said that he was aware that this was not a compliment . I did not mean it as an insult . He also said that I was very sarcastic . Am I too sarcastic ? " - No , no , no , of course not . You have a very nice level of sarcasm . It 's part of your personality . A non-sarcastic &NAME would be a very peculiar creature indeed . And I like sarcasm . " &NAME , my friend &NAME in &NAME &NAME wants to know how you are . " - Oh , that 's nice . Please tell her I 'm much better thank you and I hope she is well too and anything else you can think of . ( That 's the one I met when I was at your house is n't it ? ) " Love you both , in varying relationships . &NAME xx " - Just what on earth is that supposed to mean ? ? ? That can be taken in many different ways . Love you both , in the same relationship . &NAME ( I know that sounds bad , but you know what I mean . Anyway , it 's no worse than &NAME 's. ) SUBJECT: Music Dear &NAME , I have managed to find the following songs All seeing &NUM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And the beat goes on &NAME &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . &NAME &NAME Sixpence none the richer . . . . Kiss me &NAME &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . &NAME Third Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I 've always loved you The &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . There she goes Ravel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . &NAME ( NOT a pop song ) Unfortunately the following &NUM have copyright restrictions so I am unable to access them &NAME &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Always a woman U2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . All that you ca n't leave behind &NAME &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . You 've got a friend &NAME &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . &NAME Since the songs I have successfully downloaded only last about &NUM minutes perhaps there are some others you would like to include too ? Let me know . Hope you 're having a good day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Music Hi &NAME , for 'Dusty &NAME &NAME Of A Preacher &NAME " I have found &NUM versions &NAME Fiction version Soundtrack &NUM minutes long Original version &NAME &NAME &NUM minutes long &NAME &NAME version Blues &NUM minutes long Which would you like ? Also , for " &NAME - All That You Ca n't Leave Behind " , that appears to be the name of the album . Which song in it did you want ? Hope you are having a good day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Visit to &NAME Dear &NAME and &NAME , I am sorry to have to tell you that unfortunately I wo n't be coming to &NAME next week for the day . My department have suggested that they just send the results of my experiment and that I need n't bother coming down . I also feel I could do with some more rest . Hopefully I 'll be back soon though . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Music the middle one sounds good . I thought the aforesaid song was a songon the album too . but do n't stress too much about it . sorry , nothing to say due to dull life . &NAME x ps sorry you ca n't come down . &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , for 'Dusty &NAME &NAME Of A Preacher &NAME " I have found &NUM versions &NAME Fiction version Soundtrack &NUM minutes long Original version &NAME &NAME &NUM minutes long &NAME &NAME version Blues &NUM minutes long Which would you like ? Also , for " &NAME - All That You Ca n't Leave Behind " , that appears to be the name of the album . Which song in it did you want ? Hope you are having a good day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME likes simultaneous equations well , today I have eaten a bowl of cereal and a piece of toast , so I have not JUST had " how is &NAME ? " . you should eat more , &NAME . &NAME , PLEASE STOP punctuating your emails with those stupid euro signs , it drives me mad . I feel foreign and unable to read your emails properly . &NAME , you are not thrify , but what is the point of thrift ( cf that bit in the bible / godspell about not storing youre treasures on earth ) . we should spend spend spend , thus I am going clothes shopping soon . today I have sent off my thing to national savings which will enable me to redeem the money my parents ahev saved for me , I have done washing , I have changed my bed , had coffee with &NAME who amended my cv so that it now blatantly lies about how good I am at things and am about to go see &NAME and have dinner with &NAME . I have done no work . I do n't care . I saw &NAME masson . he might be going back to &NAME if he ca n't find a job . this would be a shame . he said his new shoes were " nice and waterproof " and I said he soundede like &NAME . he said that he was aware that this was not a compliment . I did not mean it as an insult . he also said that I was very sarcastic . am I too sarcastic ? &NAME , my friend &NAME in st &NAME wants to know how you are . love you both , in varying relationships . &NAME xx &NAME wrote : hello you &NUM ! &NAME for your message &NAME and you are very welcome . We enjoyed seeing you ( well I did ... ca n't speak for &NAME ) and all I have had today is " how is &NAME ? " I went to church last night and we had a sermon on &NAME &NAME ... hardly mentioned the &NAME at all but it was very very cool and much better than an English lecture ! Today I have been very naughty and I bought some red boots but they had £ one off so really I have made a saving of £ &NUM . I am so thrifty ! ! ! I have also managed to do no work today ... people keep popping into my room for chats . ... very nice but not very productive . ... I am writing an essay on te future of the welfare state . very very interesting . love you both ! ( yes that includes you &NAME ! ) &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME and &NAME , What can I say ? I had an absolutely wonderful weekend . Thank you ever so much . You 're both really lovely . It was certainly a surprise and thank you for giving up your time . I appreciated it . I hope you both enjoyed yourselves in barbaric &NAME and were not too shocked by the natives . Hopefully I 'll be going to &NAME a week on Monday ( 22nd ) sorry , I said Tuesday , did n't I , but I made a mistake ( scandalous admission ) and would love to see you both then . Do write ( or whatever ) soon , Love &NAME &NAME &NAME , it would seem that you were very perceptive when it came to laying odds on Saturday evening . SUBJECT: Re : Music okey dokey bro ... how about : falling . . . . . . . . . . . ... &NAME keys dusty &NAME . . . . . . . ... son of a preacher man fat boy slim . . . . . . . . ... praise you manic street preachers . . . . . . ... you stole the sun from my heart rem . . . . . . ... nightswimming u2 . . . . . . . . ... with or without you merci , mon amie . emailyou tomorrow if I remember ! love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I have managed to find the following songs All seeing &NUM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And the beat goes on &NAME &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . &NAME &NAME Sixpence none the richer . . . . Kiss me &NAME &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . &NAME Third Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I 've always loved you The &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . There she goes Ravel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . &NAME ( NOT a pop song ) Unfortunately the following &NUM have copyright restrictions so I am unable to access them &NAME &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Always a woman U2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . All that you ca n't leave behind &NAME &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . You 've got a friend &NAME &NAME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . &NAME Since the songs I have successfully downloaded only last about &NUM minutes perhaps there are some others you would like to include too ? Let me know . Hope you 're having a good day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Music yes , but I 'm going now . love &NAME xx have a good day &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME ! Are you still online ? &NAME the middle one sounds good . I thought the aforesaid song was a songon the album too . but do n't stress too much about it . sorry , nothing to say due to dull life . &NAME x ps sorry you ca n't come down . &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , for 'Dusty &NAME ? ? &NAME Of A Preacher &NAME " I have found &NUM versions ? &NAME Fiction version Soundtrack &NUM minutes long Original version &NAME &NAME &NUM minutes long &NAME &NAME version Blues &NUM minutes long Which would you like ? Also , for " &NAME - All That You Ca n't Leave Behind " , that appears to be the name of the album . Which song in it did you want ? Hope you are having a good day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Music Hi &NAME ! Are you still online ? &NAME the middle one sounds good . I thought the aforesaid song was a songon the album too . but do n't stress too much about it . sorry , nothing to say due to dull life . &NAME x ps sorry you ca n't come down . &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , for 'Dusty &NAME ? ? &NAME Of A Preacher &NAME " I have found &NUM versions ? &NAME Fiction version Soundtrack &NUM minutes long Original version &NAME &NAME &NUM minutes long &NAME &NAME version Blues &NUM minutes long Which would you like ? Also , for " &NAME - All That You Ca n't Leave Behind " , that appears to be the name of the album . Which song in it did you want ? Hope you are having a good day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Music Dear &NAME , Sorry to bother you , but do you want your songs in any particular order on your &NAME ? Also , do you want anything in particular on the cover ? Have a good day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Music Dear &NAME , " &NAME you had a good weekend in &NAME . When are you coming back ? " - Thank you , I did . Well , hopefully I 'll be back on Saturday but it depends on the omnipotent doctor . I will let you know . " &NAME and I have booked our party . It 's going to be on the 22nd of Feb. This is exciting . " - I 'm sure it is exciting . Did you say it was in &NAME &NAME &NAME ? What kind of party is it going to be ? " How is &NAME ? Are you feeling any better ? " - &NAME is well and asleep as usual . I am feeling better than I was last week when I was n't feeling very well . I think I was just a little annoyed that I was n't getting better as well as I wanted to . &NAME ... " Come back soon to my arms my love . " - Oh , that is what I am longing for . I cannot sleep at nights for thinking of you my love ... Love &NAME no thank you ! could I maybe have an extra one ? if it 's too much hassle , do n't worry about it , but shaggy . . . ... it was n't me . you might not want to let your mother hear the lyrics . hope you had a good weekend in &NAME . when are you coming back ? I had an ok weekend . I got some new trainers . they 're ok , but not fantatic . but they 're ok . thanks for your texts . went to church yesterday . the evening was good , but &NAME preached in the mornign and it was very very random . normailly I like &NAME 's sermons , but this one . ... hmm . let 's just say it had potential . &NAME and I have booked our party . it 's going to be on the 22nd of feb. this is exciting . put whatever on the cover of the cd . but surprise me ! how is &NAME ? are you feeling any better ? come back soon to my arms my love . bye ! &NAME x SUBJECT: Re : Music no thank you ! could I maybe have an extra one ? if it 's too much hassle , do n't worry about it , but shaggy . . . ... it was n't me . you might not want to let your mother hear the lyrics . hope you had a good weekend in &NAME . when are you coming back ? I had an ok weekend . I got some new trainers . they 're ok , but not fantatic . but they 're ok . thanks for your texts . went to church yesterday . the evening was good , but &NAME preached in the mornign and it was very very random . normailly I like &NAME 's sermons , but this one . ... hmm . let 's just say it had potential . &NAME and I have booked our party . it 's going to be on the 22nd of feb. this is exciting . put whatever on the cover of the cd . but surprise me ! how is &NAME ? are you feeling any better ? come back soon to my arms my love . bye ! &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Sorry to bother you , but do you want your songs in any particular order on your &NAME ? Also , do you want anything in particular on the cover ? Have a good day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: ( no subject ) Dear &NAME , &NAME , well , I 'll start by apologising for the message I sent you- it was fairly nasty and I 'm sorry for the way in which I said things . But I wo n't apologise for the content , because it was true . Firstly , &NAME asked me some days ago whether I would be able to come to a meal on the Wednesday . I told her about college group and said that I could n't, so you all knew that I would n't be able to , and to be included in any kind of invitation list was just patronising . Secondly , had I been arranging the meal , I would have made some kind of effort to re-arrange had one of you not been able to make it- to not even try is basically just saying that you 're not bothered whether I 'm there or not , which is not nice . Thirdly , to say that you 'do n't understand " what &NAME and I were trying to say reads like this : " &NAME ca n't come to the meal , but I do n't want to take responsibility for her being hurt , so I 'll pretend I do n't know what 's going on " . I ca n't help wondering whether , had it been say , &NAME or &NAME who could n't have gone , whether you and &NAME would have made more of an effort to reschedule . I 'm sorry if this seems harsh , but I 'm just trying to be honest . I know you were upset by the email I sent you , but &NAME , if you do n't tell me , I ca n't even begin to respond . I mean , the ball was firmly in your court , to be honest- and what is friendship without honesty ? If you have a problem with something I do or say , you have to tell me . I know you 're shy , but ( and I 'm sorry to be blunt ) you 're going to have to make the effort . The only reason I can see for you not making any effort to talk to me about this is if you 're not bothered whether you 're friends with me or not . If this is the case , there 's nothing I can do to change your mind and I wo n't bother you ever again . But that would sadden me , because I do enjoy your company and I like spending time with you . But- and this is a big but- I WO N'T have a one-sided friendship where I have to make every effort to see you , to apologise , to forgive first . If you wo n't make any effort with this , &NAME , there 's nothing I can do ; but I 'm not going to sit by and let your stubborness spoil your friendships . Either we are honest with each other , and we tell each other when the other has done something " wrong " , and I try and get over my pride and you your shyness , or we are n't friends ; because I hate unreal friendships . I WANT you to be honest with me , and I will be with you . If you do n't reply to this email , I 'll know that you do n't want to be friends with me . If you do , let me know when you 're free , and we can meet up and talk about this , or just reply by email ... but only if honesty is on the agenda . I think you 'll probably be really annoyed when you read this , but take a few minutes to think over what I 've said- and I 've only said it because ( &CHAR ) I want to be honest with you and ( &CHAR ) I care about you and want you to be happy and fulfilled in your friendships . Just tell me what you think- say anything ! I do want to see you ... and I guess I 'll know by tomorrow whether you feel the same . With love , &NAME x SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Dear &NAME , " &NAME , well , I 'll start by apologising for the message I sent you - it was fairly nasty and I 'm sorry for the way in which I said things . But I wo n't apologise for the content , because it was true . " - Thank you . I found it very hurtful and have n't been thinking of much else since . Your email basically accused &NAME and &NUM of not caring about you or your feelings , suggested you did n't want to have anything more to do with us , and was dripping with sarcasm . &NAME . The point in having the meal was because the &NAME 's President 's &NAME was on Wednesday . The invitation was open to anyone on the list , and you were n't the only one who could n't make it . Had only &NUM or &NUM of us been able to go the meal would still have gone ahead . " &NAME , &NAME asked me some days ago whether I would be able to come to a meal on the Wednesday . I told her about college group and said that I could n't, so you all knew that I would n't be able to , and to be included in any kind of invitation list was just patronising . " - It was not patronising . &NAME had cell group at &NUM : &NUM but she still came . When did your college group start ? Since you would n't discuss trying to work around the issue we simply made the meal as early as we could ( to the discomfort of some others I might add ) in the hope that you would be able to attend . 'Secondly , had I been arranging the meal , I would have made some kind of effort to re-arrange had one of you not been able to make it - to not even try is basically just saying that you 're not bothered whether I 'm there or not , which is not nice . " - As I have already mentioned , if people could n't make it then that 's a shame but the meal was on Wednesday for a particular reason . As I have also mentioned , we did make " some kind of effort " to rearrange the meal as best we could within the framework of the reason for the meal . " Thirdly , to say that you " do n't understand " what &NAME and I were trying to say reads like this : " &NAME ca n't come to the meal , but I do n't want to take responsibility for her being hurt , so I 'll pretend I do n't know what 's going on '' - Perhaps you overestimate my intelligence . I received rather cryptic replies from both you and &NAME . Neither of you stated your intentions clearly . For example , your reply to the first email was " enjoy " - very informative . " I ca n't help wondering whether , had it been say , &NAME or &NAME who could n't have gone , whether you and &NAME would have made more of an effort to reschedule . " - And I ca n't help saying that it would have made no difference to our " efforts to reschedule " whatsoever . You will only be able to come close to understanding our point of view when you realise that the meal was not primarily arranged for a social reason , but for a practical one . " I 'm sorry if this seems harsh , but I 'm just trying to be honest . I know you were upset by the email I sent you , but &NAME , if you do n't tell me , I ca n't even begin to respond . " - How do you know ? " I mean , the ball was firmly in your court , to be honest - and what is friendship without honesty ? If you have a problem with something I do or say , you have to tell me . " - It has nothing to do with honesty . The reason I did not respond to your email was because I generally prefer not to lose my temper if I can help it . I would have regretted it . I am regretting writing this now - but what choice do I have since you basically said reply or we wo n't be friends . " I WO N'T have a one-sided friendship where I have to make every effort to see you , to apologise , to forgive first . If you wo n't make any effort with this , &NAME , there 's nothing I can do ; but I 'm not going to sit by and let your stubbornness spoil your friendships . " - &NAME . Whenever I suggest we meet up to see each other I get the usual " I 'm so busy with work and seeing people and doing this and that . My life is just so busy , I 'll have to see if there 's a space in my diary " Do you know what that says to me ? It says " I really do n't have time to see you . It 's a matter of priorities . " As I have explained , it is n't stubbornness on my part , it 's a different approach to possible conflicts . " Either we are honest with each other , and we tell each other when the other has done something " wrong " , and I try and get over my pride and you your shyness , or we are n't friends ; because I hate unreal friendships . I WANT you to be honest with me , and I will be with you . " - It would seem you already have acknowledged that you knew I was hurt by your email , so I 'm sure you were aware I thought you had done something " wrong " . As I have explained before , it 's nothing to do with shyness . I 'm shy around people I do n't know - not with my friends . " If you do n't reply to this email , I 'll know that you do n't want to be friends with me . If you do , let me know when you 're free , and we can meet up and talk about this , or just reply by email ... but only if honesty is on the agenda . " - &NAME , the blackmail part Sorry . I want to talk to you about this . I 'm free all the time . Just come to my room and if I 'm not there text me and I 'll be there as soon as I can . " I think you 'll probably be really annoyed when you read this . " - No , I was very pleased . It made a change from the last email you sent me which must be good . I really like you and want to be friends . That 's why I was so upset by your email . Love &NAME &NAME Please do n't be too upset at all the horrible things I 've said to you in this email . You may call it honesty , but I feel awful about sending it to you . SUBJECT: OK . . . . . . . . . ... &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , " &NAME , well , I 'll start by apologising for the message I sent you - it was fairly nasty and I 'm sorry for the way in which I said things . But I wo n't apologise for the content , because it was true . " - Thank you . I found it very hurtful and have n't been thinking of much else since . Your email basically accused &NAME and &NUM of not caring about you or your feelings , suggested you did n't want to have anything more to do with us , and was dripping with sarcasm . * * &NAME , for a start , let 's leave &NAME out of this , as it 's between me and you , babe . Secondly , I 'm impressed and honoured that you replied . I 'm glad you still want to be friends . I was worried that you would n't. That is not sarcasm . But &NAME , look at it from my perspective- I did n't know about the President 's Formal ; it just looked to me as if you could n't be bothered to re-arrange . These things have to be explained to me . I 'm sorry about the sarcasm , but your email hurt me too . &NAME . The point in having the meal was because the &NAME 's President 's &NAME was on Wednesday . The invitation was open to anyone on the list , and you were n't the only one who could n't make it . Had only &NUM or &NUM of us been able to go the meal would still have gone ahead . " &NAME , &NAME asked me some days ago whether I would be able to come to a meal on the Wednesday . I told her about college group and said that I could n't, so you all knew that I would n't be able to , and to be included in any kind of invitation list was just patronising . " - It was not patronising . &NAME had cell group at &NUM : &NUM but she still came . When did your college group start ? Since you would n't discuss trying to work around the issue we simply made the meal as early as we could ( to the discomfort of some others I might add ) in the hope that you would be able to attend . * * We had to be there to set up at &NUM . What am I supposed to do , turn back time ? ( &NAME , sarcasm , ca n't help it , genetic heritage ) . And I 'm not going to apologise for discomforting others when arrangments are made on my behalf that I know nothing about . And the point is that I was asked if I wanted to go and then excluded . Why solicit my opinion and then ignore it ? What 's the point ? Plus , I did NOT have the opportunity to discuss anything ; that is n't true . I was sent an email saying that that was when we were going , not " When do you think we should go ? " . 'Secondly , had I been arranging the meal , I would have made some kind of effort to re-arrange had one of you not been able to make it - to not even try is basically just saying that you 're not bothered whether I 'm there or not , which is not nice . " - As I have already mentioned , if people could n't make it then that 's a shame but the meal was on Wednesday for a particular reason . As I have also mentioned , we did make 'some kind of effort " to rearrange the meal as best we could within the framework of the reason for the meal . * * If you do n't tell me things , I do n't know ! See above for lack of knowledge of &NAME 's Ents. I am not &NAME 's. I do not have all the information . " Thirdly , to say that you 'do n't understand " what &NAME and I were trying to say reads like this : " &NAME ca n't come to the meal , but I do n't want to take responsibility for her being hurt , so I 'll pretend I do n't know what 's going on '' - Perhaps you overestimate my intelligence . I received rather cryptic replies from both you and &NAME . Neither of you stated your intentions clearly . For example , your reply to the first email was " enjoy " - very informative . * * I had already told &NAME and &NAME that I could n't come . I assume that you all talk to each other . " I ca n't help wondering whether , had it been say , &NAME or &NAME who could n't have gone , whether you and &NAME would have made more of an effort to reschedule . " - And I ca n't help saying that it would have made no difference to our " efforts to reschedule " whatsoever . You will only be able to come close to understanding our point of view when you realise that the meal was not primarily arranged for a social reason , but for a practical one . * * And you will only come close to understanding MY point of view when you realise that IF YOU DO N'T TELL ME , I DO N'T KNOW . I AM NOT PSYCHIC . Also , your first line of this sounds suspiciously sarcastic . " I 'm sorry if this seems harsh , but I 'm just trying to be honest . I know you were upset by the email I sent you , but &NAME , if you do n't tell me , I ca n't even begin to respond . " - How do you know ? * * It became apparent to me . Plus , in some ways , I am psychic and I already knew . " I mean , the ball was firmly in your court , to be honest - and what is friendship without honesty ? If you have a problem with something I do or say , you have to tell me . " - It has nothing to do with honesty . The reason I did not respond to your email was because I generally prefer not to lose my temper if I can help it . I would have regretted it . I am regretting writing this now - but what choice do I have since you basically said reply or we wo n't be friends . * * It does have to do with honesty , &NAME , because in the past if you have been upset about something , you have n't said anything . And you do need to tell me , even if it 's a horribly sarcastic email . I do n't care if you lose your temper . Yell at me . That 's what I 'm here for . Sort of ... " I WO N'T have a one-sided friendship where I have to make every effort to see you , to apologise , to forgive first . If you wo n't make any effort with this , &NAME , there 's nothing I can do ; but I 'm not going to sit by and let your stubbornness spoil your friendships . " - &NAME . Whenever I suggest we meet up to see each other &NUM get the usual " I 'm so busy with work and seeing people and doing this and that . My life is just so busy , I 'll have to see if there 's a space in my diary " Do you know what that says to me ? It says " I really do n't have time to see you . It 's a matter of priorities . " As I have explained , it is n't stubbornness on my part , it 's a different approach to possible conflicts . * * This term , I have &NUM modules of coursework to hand in. That 's &NUM lots of writing and research . I have my dissertation to hand in. That 's another . Plus &NUM formative essays . That 's &NUM , &NUM words in total by &NAME . I have a play to produce ( how cool ? ! another one ! ) . I have and will make every effort to see you , but do remember that I only see &NAME &NUM or &NUM times a week outside of lectures , and she 's my best friend ... and everyone else even less . And remember as well that virtually &NUM has come to visit me this term- heaven forbid that they should have to walk for &NUM minutes , or make some kind of effort . I do try , &NAME , but making an effort to see you ALL when it 's kind of unreciprocated sometimes takes it 's toll ... and you 're not usually the one who I do n't see because of that . If you like , we can meet up regularly once a week , or twice , or whatever , I do n't mind . I do n't just drop in on people because they 're usually out ... and I ca n't speak for the others as to when they see you . &NAME If I do n't have my diary with me , I ca n't say yes or not because I do n't know my timetable , and obviously I ca n't miss course stuff . " Either we are honest with each other , and we tell each other when the other has done something " wrong " , and I try and get over my pride and you your shyness , or we are n't friends ; because I hate unreal friendships . I WANT you to be honest with me , and I will be with you . " - It would seem you already have acknowledged that you knew I was hurt by your email , so I 'm sure you were aware I thought you had done something " wrong " . As I have explained before , it 's nothing to do with shyness . I 'm shy around people I do n't know - not with my friends . * * &NAME , &NUM kind of disagree , especially if we 're in a big group . Sometimes you barely say anything at all . " If you do n't reply to this email , I 'll know that you do n't want to be friends with me . If you do , let me know when you 're free , and we can meet up and talk about this , or just reply by email ... but only if honesty is on the agenda . " - &NAME , the blackmail part Sorry . I want to talk to you about this . I 'm free all the time . Just come to my room and if I 'm not there text me and I 'll be there as soon as I can . * * It was n't meant to be blackmail , &NAME ... I did n't think of it like that . I just wanted you to tell me how you felt , and on past experience , I thought you probably would n't, that 's all . And yes , I will come and see you in your room . " I think you 'll probably be really annoyed when you read this . " - No , I was very pleased . It made a change from the last email you sent me which must be good . * * &NAME I really like you and want to be friends . That 's why I was so upset by your email . * * Yes , ok , I 'm sorry I upset you , but do try and stand in my shoes and see this from my P.O.V. for a &NAME . You hurt me too , and I have told you why and apologised . Love &NAME &NAME Please do n't be too upset at all the horrible things I 've said to you in this email . You may call it honesty , but I feel awful about sending it to you . * * I 'm not upset , I 'm glad that you replied and that you were honest with me . I would rather you were sarcastic and nasty and angry than you said nothing at all ( thought that 's when you say it best ... just kidding ! ) . Do n't feel too bad , although if it would make you feel better , I could say some horrid stuff back ? ! Kidding ... I think what I really want to end by saying is that you 're a sweetie , and I hope you can forgive my hot temper . I have been regretting that email . But at the same time , it 's part of me and I ca n't change that . So do n't take what I say to heart ( do n't take me seriously , for heaven 's sake ! ) , and always remember your pinch of salt ... SUBJECT: ( no subject ) &NAME , have you not checked your emails today yet , or are you totally and utterly offended with me and so are not talking to me , or are you expecting me to come and see you ? Please bear in mind that , thought I do want to see you , I must finish my essay this weekend and that that will involve spending most of my time in the library . &NAME and I are having breakfast on Saturday after she has stayed over , and then I am going to church twice on Sunday , but that 's it . If you can come up to the library , we could have a coffee break &NUM day , but I ca n't lose much time . It 's NOT that I do n't want to see you , but I 'm not seeing anyone else and my work has to come first . I hope you can understand that . Maybe see you this weekend , hope so ! &NAME x SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Dear &NAME , " Umm , have you not checked your emails today yet , or are you totally and utterly offended with me and so are not talking to me , or are you expecting me to come and see you ? " - Yes , I 've checked my email . No , I thought I had already made it clear that I 'm not offended with you . Yes , I was kind of expecting you to come and see me since you said yesterday " yes , I will come and see you in your room " . It would have been greatly appreciated if you had let me know you were not able to come in the near future . Anyway , since that is indeed the case I will reply to your email ... * No , let 's not leave &NAME out of this . It is as much to do with her as it is with you or I and she has been feeling very hurt as a result of the situation . In any case , she is not well . At the risk of telling you what to do ; if you have not already done so I suggest you contact her and discuss it . * I 'm sorry , but I thought you knew the reason for the meal was because of the President 's Formal . I assumed you and &NAME communicated . Also , not being in &NAME 's is no excuse for ignorance . I only found out from my friends , not through any official channels , and as you know all my friends you had the same probability of finding out as I did . You ca n't argue with logic . * No one told me you could n't come to the meal . " It does have to do with honesty , &NAME , because in the past if you have been upset about something , you have n't said anything . And you do need to tell me , even if it 's a horribly sarcastic email . I do n't care if you lose your temper . Yell at me . That 's what I 'm here for . Sort of ... " - Oh , wo n't coffee tomorrow be fun . " And remember as well that virtually &NUM has come to visit me this term - heaven forbid that they should have to walk for &NUM minutes , or make some kind of effort . " - Oh , sorry , but I 've kind of been occupied elsewhere . I would be happy to visit you at your house but obviously I 'm not going to walk all the way there only to find you 're not in. It will have to be arranged . See you tomorrow at &NUM : &NUM pm on level &NUM of the library . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , " Umm , have you not checked your emails today yet , or are you totally and utterly offended with me and so are not talking to me , or are you expecting me to come and see you ? " - Yes , I 've checked my email . No , I thought I had already made it clear that I 'm not offended with you . Yes , I was kind of expecting you to come and see me since you said yesterday " yes , I will come and see you in your room " . It would have been greatly appreciated if you had let me know you were not able to come in the near future . * * &NAME . Although I did n't specify when , it was more a long-term thing . This is what I mean , if you 'd told me about the President 's Formal , I would not have made the same kind of assumptions you did when I wrote the above . Ca n't you even try and see how it all looked to me , &NAME ... ? It did actually really hurt . Anyway , since that is indeed the case I will reply to your email ... * No , let 's not leave &NAME out of this . It is as much to do with her as it is with you or I and she has been feeling very hurt as a result of the situation . In any case , she is not well . At the risk of telling you what to do ; if you have not already done so I suggest you contact her and discuss it . * * Do n't risk it . Seriously . * I 'm sorry , but I thought you knew the reason for the meal was because of the President 's Formal . I assumed you and &NAME communicated . Also , not being in &NAME 's is no excuse for ignorance . I only found out from my friends , not through any official channels , and as you know all my friends you had the same probability of finding out as I did . You ca n't argue with logic . * * This is actually a little offensive , &NAME . I ca n't and wo n't be blamed for not finding out when things are on when they seemingly have absolutely nothing to do with me . As there are posters in &NAME 's about the formal ( which I saw last night ) , lists on which to sign up and this is an annual occurence , you had far more chance to find out about it than I did . I 'm not arguing with logic , but you seem to think that I should know everything that 's going on and I blatantly do n't and wo n't. * No one told me you could n't come to the meal . * * &NAME " It does have to do with honesty , &NAME , because in the past if you have been upset about something , you have n't said anything . And you do need to tell me , even if it 's a horribly sarcastic email . I do n't care if you lose your temper . Yell at me . That 's what I 'm here for . Sort of ... " - Oh , wo n't coffee tomorrow be fun . " And remember as well that virtually &NUM has come to visit me this term - heaven forbid that they should have to walk for &NUM minutes , or make some kind of effort . " - Oh , sorry , but I 've kind of been occupied elsewhere . I would be happy to visit you at your house but obviously I 'm not going to walk all the way there only to find you 're not in. It will have to be arranged . * * &NUM do n't really think I was referring to you , was I ? I did use " THEY " and not " YOU' ( plural ) , so I think you can safely count yourself out of that one if you read it through carefully . And that 's fine , but equally , you then ca n't expect me to call on you on the offchance that you are in , as it is exactly the same distance for me . See you tomorrow at &NUM : 00pm on level &NUM of the library . * * &NAME . &NAME x SUBJECT: ( no subject ) &NAME babe . I 'm bored . how goes the day ? I am sitting in the library . it is cold and boring . I hate having to work . today I had a seminar , though it is reading week so I have no lectures . &NAME &NAME &NAME . I am going to read &NAME &NAME . my contact lenses are beginning to blur . I had a bad dream &NAME the matrix last night . I dreamt that my mouth was all covered over like that guy 's, and then skin was all stretching . ugh . I knew it was a bad idea to watch it . gott go , la essay calls . love &NAME xx SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Dear &NAME , When did you watch the Matrix ? I watched it yesterday afternoon . You were n't there , were you ? It was quite disgusting . Hope you are getting on well with your essay . It was nice to see you a few minutes ago . I have been in the lab all day today . I am doing an experiment in which one has to vibrate a tube for &NUM hours - most tedious , and it makes the usual dinner-time question of 'so , what did you do today ? " rather difficult to answer . As you say , the things chemists get up to . Looking forward to seeing you on Friday . &NAME &NAME &NAME . I really must read some of the other books some time . What did you think of the service last night ? You know , I was discussing this with &NAME afterwards , and we came to the conclusion that he really is oblivious to his look-a-like status . Have a good time at home . Love &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME babe . I 'm bored . how goes the day ? I am sitting in the library . it is cold and boring . I hate having to work . today I had a seminar , though it is reading week so I have no lectures . &NAME &NAME &NAME . I am going to read &NAME &NAME . my contact lenses are beginning to blur . I had a bad dream &NAME the matrix last night . I dreamt that my mouth was all covered over like that guy 's, and then skin was all stretching . ugh . I knew it was a bad idea to watch it . gott go , la essay calls . love &NAME xx SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) &NAME . No , I was not there . I am tempted to say something sarcastic at this point , but I cannot choose from my many options . I saw it in &NAME 's as part of mission . I imagine your description of your day in the lab amused many . What are we doing on Friday ? Just kidding . Of course I 'll be there . Looking forward to it ! If you are talking about &NAME , he said ( and I quote ) " Hey- I have always found the resemblance rather flattering " , so I doubt he is unaware . But he did n't say " Okily-dokily folks ! " , which would have made my year , if not my lifetime . I am distracting myself and must go . &NAME xxx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , When did you watch the Matrix ? I watched it yesterday afternoon . You were n't there , were you ? It was quite disgusting . Hope you are getting on well with your essay . It was nice to see you a few minutes ago . I have been in the lab all day today . I am doing an experiment in which one has to vibrate a tube for &NUM hours - most tedious , and it makes the usual dinner-time question of 'so , what did you do today ? " rather difficult to answer . As you say , the things chemists get up to . Looking forward to seeing you on Friday . &NAME &NAME &NAME . I really must read some of the other books some time . What did you think of the service last night ? You know , I was discussing this with &NAME afterwards , and we came to the conclusion that he really is oblivious to his look-a-like status . Have a good time at home . Love &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME babe . I 'm bored . how goes the day ? I am sitting in the library . it is cold and boring . I hate having to work . today I had a seminar , though it is reading week so I have no lectures . &NAME &NAME &NAME . I am going to read &NAME &NAME . my contact lenses are beginning to blur . I had a bad dream &NAME the matrix last night . I dreamt that my mouth was all covered over like that guy 's, and then skin was all stretching . ugh . I knew it was a bad idea to watch it . gott go , la essay calls . love &NAME xx SUBJECT: Re : Hello Boys ! Very funny " &NAME &NAME " wrote : A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost . He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below . He descended a bit more and shouted , " Excuse me , can you help me ? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago , but I do n't know where I am . " The woman below replied , " You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately &NUM feet above the ground . You are between &NUM and &NUM degrees north latitude and between &NUM and &NUM degrees west longitude . " ' You must be an engineer , " said the balloonist . " I am , " replied the woman . " How did you know ? " ' Well , " answered the balloonist , " everything you told me is technically correct , but I have no idea what to make of your information , and the fact is I am still lost . Frankly , you 've not been much help so far . " The woman below responded , " You must be in management . " ' I am , " replied the balloonist , " but how did you know ? " ' Well , " said the woman , " you do n't know where you are or where you are going . You have risen to where you are , due to a large quantity of hot air . You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep , and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems . The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met , but now , somehow , it 's my fault . " Do You &NAME ! ? Everything you 'll ever need on &NUM web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts &WEBSITE Join the world 's largest e-mail service with &NAME &NAME . Click Here SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Dear &NAME , Oh , but you must admit it was rather a coincidence . Did he really say that ? &NAME me , &NAME will be surprised . Hope you 're essays are going well . I 'm very hungry and am going to &NAME since I 've missed college luch by now after a horrible morning in the labs . Also , while I 'm complaining , my neck is very sore . Have a nice day . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME . No , I was not there . I am tempted to say something sarcastic at this point , but I cannot choose from my many options . I saw it in &NAME 's as part of mission . I imagine your description of your day in the lab amused many . What are we doing on Friday ? Just kidding . Of course I 'll be there . Looking forward to it ! If you are talking about &NAME , he said ( and I quote ) " Hey- I have always found the resemblance rather flattering " , so I doubt he is unaware . But he did n't say " Okily-dokily folks ! " , which would have made my year , if not my lifetime . I am distracting myself and must go . &NAME xxx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , When did you watch the Matrix ? I watched it yesterday afternoon . You were n't there , were you ? It was quite disgusting . Hope you are getting on well with your essay . It was nice to see you a few minutes ago . I have been in the lab all day today . I am doing an experiment in which one has to vibrate a tube for &NUM hours - most tedious , and it makes the usual dinner-time question of 'so , what did you do today ? " rather difficult to answer . As you say , the things chemists get up to . Looking forward to seeing you on Friday . &NAME &NAME &NAME . I really must read some of the other books some time . What did you think of the service last night ? You know , I was discussing this with &NAME afterwards , and we came to the conclusion that he really is oblivious to his look-a-like status . Have a good time at home . Love &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME babe . I 'm bored . how goes the day ? I am sitting in the library . it is cold and boring . I hate having to work . today I had a seminar , though it is reading week so I have no lectures . &NAME &NAME &NAME . I am going to read &NAME &NAME . my contact lenses are beginning to blur . I had a bad dream &NAME the matrix last night . I dreamt that my mouth was all covered over like that guy 's, and then skin was all stretching . ugh . I knew it was a bad idea to watch it . gott go , la essay calls . love &NAME xx SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) &NAME , I 'm not going to say ANYTHING . My word ... You are the " I " one were clearly not listening to the sermon . You may complain all you like . It makes life worthhile . Am going home for a couple of days . Do n't miss me too much ! Love yus , &NAME xxx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Oh , but you must admit it was rather a coincidence . Did he really say that ? &NAME me , &NAME will be surprised . Hope you 're essays are going well . I 'm very hungry and am going to &NAME since I 've missed college luch by now after a horrible morning in the labs . Also , while I 'm complaining , my neck is very sore . Have a nice day . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME . No , I was not there . I am tempted to say something sarcastic at this point , but I cannot choose from my many options . I saw it in &NAME 's as part of mission . I imagine your description of your day in the lab amused many . What are we doing on Friday ? Just kidding . Of course I 'll be there . Looking forward to it ! If you are talking about &NAME , he said ( and I quote ) " Hey- I have always found the resemblance rather flattering " , so I doubt he is unaware . But he did n't say " Okily-dokily folks ! " , which would have made my year , if not my lifetime . I am distracting myself and must go . &NAME xxx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , When did you watch the Matrix ? I watched it yesterday afternoon . You were n't there , were you ? It was quite disgusting . Hope you are getting on well with your essay . It was nice to see you a few minutes ago . I have been in the lab all day today . I am doing an experiment in which one has to vibrate a tube for &NUM hours - most tedious , and it makes the usual dinner-time question of 'so , what did you do today ? " rather difficult to answer . As you say , the things chemists get up to . Looking forward to seeing you on Friday . &NAME &NAME &NAME . I really must read some of the other books some time . What did you think of the service last night ? You know , I was discussing this with &NAME afterwards , and we came to the conclusion that he really is oblivious to his look-a-like status . Have a good time at home . Love &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME babe . I 'm bored . how goes the day ? I am sitting in the library . it is cold and boring . I hate having to work . today I had a seminar , though it is reading week so I have no lectures . &NAME &NAME &NAME . I am going to read &NAME &NAME . my contact lenses are beginning to blur . I had a bad dream &NAME the matrix last night . I dreamt that my mouth was all covered over like that guy 's, and then skin was all stretching . ugh . I knew it was a bad idea to watch it . gott go , la essay calls . love &NAME xx SUBJECT: &NAME , How are you this week ? Are you having a good time ? I am in the library . It is very boring and the sun is shining outside . I am now going to college to have lunch - oh good ! Are you coming to visit me on Friday again ? Enjoy the rest of your day . Love &NAME SUBJECT: ( no subject ) Thanks for coming up last night ... it was good to see you all . Love &NAME x SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Thanks for " inviting " me . " &NAME &NAME " wrote : Thanks for coming up last night ... it was good to see you all . Love &NAME x SUBJECT: 21st Birthday Party Dear &NAME , I would like to come to your party . Where is the &NAME Club ? Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : 21st Birthday Party walk along elvet riverside and turn down old elvet . you will come to a fork in the road after about 100metres . take the left fork , keeping the racecourse and river visible as you walk down the roda . after about 50meters you will come to &NAME city rfc ground . turn right into the ground and follow path to &NAME club . good luck . see you friday if not before . enjoy the sports ball . &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I would like to come to your party . Where is the &NAME Club ? Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : 21st Birthday Party Thanks &NAME I am not going to the Sports &NAME - of course ! Have a good day . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : walk along elvet riverside and turn down old elvet . you will come to a fork in the road after about 100metres . take the left fork , keeping the racecourse and river visible as you walk down the roda . after about 50meters you will come to &NAME city rfc ground . turn right into the ground and follow path to &NAME club . good luck . see you friday if not before . enjoy the sports ball . &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , I would like to come to your party . Where is the &NAME Club ? Love &NAME SUBJECT: Thursday Just quickly , before my lovely lecture ... would any of you like to come to a workshop on Thursday about " &NAME and the &NAME &NAME " ? I think it will be fun ... it starts at 7.30pm and lasts for about an hour and a half . The only pre-requisites are having watched ( at some point ) 'Snow &NAME " and " Beauty and the Beast " . Anyway , just thought I 'd ask . &NAME 's Fiction is the only bit of my degree I enjoy- it would be nice to share it with you ! Love &NAME xx &NAME Do let me know . xx SUBJECT: ( no subject ) cool ... &NUM it is then .hope you 're having a good week , love &NAME xx SUBJECT: Re : [ Fwd : An Invitation ! ] Hello ! Enjoy your lecture and have a good evening . Love &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , you 're not on the list , so I thought you should have this . I am quite tired , this can be seen by the fact that it took me &NUM goes to spell " thought " properly . I am going to an xtra lecture this evening . I hope you have anice night . love &NAME xx Hello everyone ! This is just a quick note to invite you all to come on The &NAME Escape , &NAME 's annual student house party on the 10th-13th June . This year we will have &NUM speakers looking at The Doctrine of the Second Coming and &NAME - &NUM stroming topics . We will also have a variety of seminars ( including one on guidance ) and possibly a workshop on preparing a Bible passage for leading a &NUM or small group . All the details will be revealed at Claypath on Sunday ( &NUM / &NUM ) and you can always mail us or call us if you want to know more . &NUM good thing is that we have cut £ &NUM off last year 's price by moving to a new location ( in the &NAME &NAME ) so the cost will be £ &NUM . The centre is also much closer to &NAME so if you need to get back for a viva ( [ Image ] ) or a ball ( [ Image ] ) you will ba able to do so fairly easily . If you know people who would want to come are not on the mailing list for this e-mail then do please forward this message to them - it 's not that we are not inviting them - we just do n't have their e-mail addresses . We do hope that you will all be able to come . &NAME ( &EMAIL ) & &NAME ( &EMAIL ) &NUM &NUM &NUM Join the world 's largest e-mail service with &NAME &NAME . Click Here SUBJECT: &NAME , About your text messages ; if you do n't want me to come and see you , I wo n't, seeing as I have a " great capacity for irritating ( you ) " ; it certainly does n't sound like you want to see me . What can I say ? You hated it when I wrote you something this rude , and now you 're doing it to me . I am tired and incredibly worried about my work . I am sorry that I forgot to come and see you , but I really do n't think it merits this kind of behaviour , and I really ca n't take it at the moment . It just seems really petulant , as does your comment replying to &NAME 's email about the Festival Dinner . What happened to forgive and forget ? You make me feel really bad ; as if I 'm not feeling rubbish enough already . I do n't really know what else to write . &NAME . SUBJECT: Re : Dear &NAME , &NAME , sorry , sorry , sorry ... Please forgive me - I get easily irritated about people not being on time / forgeting appointments etc. " It certainly does n't sound like you want to see me . " - This may seem like strange logic , but if I did n't want to see you I would n't be bothered if you did n't turn up . I do want to see you . That 's why I was very disappointed when you did n't turn up . I wo n't bother asking you to try and see it from my point of view because I have no wish to have an argument . I 'm really sorry for offending you . If you 're too busy with work then why did n't you say so ? You do n't have to come and see me if you 're stressed about you dissertation , exams , etc. Just let me know . As for my reply to &NAME 's email ; that was not petulance and should not have been taken for it . It is quite true that I am not usually one to go to formal dinners ( having only been to &NUM and I 'm in third year ) so I think me reply was quite justified and was intended top be a positive statement of approval for &NAME 's idea . Whether your judgement of it was coloured by our earlier " encounter " I have no idea , but I certainoly hope everyone else did n't see it the same way as you did . " What happened to forgive and forget ? " I 've forgiven and forgotten - now , but it took me a few hours to do so . I am really very very very far from perfect and that is why I was so temperamental . Hope you feel less tired , less stressed and less rubbish very soon , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME , About your text messages ; if you do n't want me to come and see you , I wo n't, seeing as I have a " great capacity for irritating ( you ) " ; it certainly does n't sound like you want to see me . What can I say ? You hated it when I wrote you something this rude , and now you 're doing it to me . I am tired and incredibly worried about my work . I am sorry that I forgot to come and see you , but I really do n't think it merits this kind of behaviour , and I really ca n't take it at the moment . It just seems really petulant , as does your comment replying to &NAME 's email about the Festival Dinner . What happened to forgive and forget ? You make me feel really bad ; as if I 'm not feeling rubbish enough already . I do n't really know what else to write . &NAME . SUBJECT: [ Fwd : [ Fwd : Good wife guide ] ] ] ] ] Something to give to your espoused ... when and if . &NAME x Dear girls , I know I do n't normally send forwards , but this is hilarious , and made me laugh in the library ( a rare occurrence ... ) &NAME ! Lots of love , &NAME &NAME , leanda sent me this , I nearly did n't bother reading it but it 's so so funny - even I disagree with some parts ! ! ! ! ! ! Love you both loads &NAME xxxx This is for anyone who joined me in wishing that we could just get married and forget about the careers office ! ! &NAME The &NAME Wife Guide . . . ... classic ! This is an actual extract from a &NAME Economics textbook printed in the early 60's. Absolutely unbelievable . Men love it ! Women ca n't believe it ! The &NAME Wife Guide . Have dinner ready . Plan ahead , even the night before , to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return from work . This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs . Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal ( especially his favourite dish ) is part of the warm welcome needed . Prepare yourself . Take &NUM minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives . Touch up your make-up , put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking . He has just been with a lot of work weary people . Be a little &NAME and a little more interesting for him . His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it . Clear away the clutter . Make &NUM last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives . Gather up schoolbooks , toys , papers etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables . During the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by . Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too . After all , catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction . Minimize all noise . At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer , dryer or vacuum . Try to encourage the children to be quiet . Be happy to see him . Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him . Listen to him . You may have a dozen important things to tell him , but the moment of his arrival is not the time . Let him talk first ; remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours . Make the evening his . Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you . Instead , try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax . Try to make sure your home is a place of peace , order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit . Do n't greet him with complaints and problems . Do n't complain if he 's late home for dinner , or even stays out all night . Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day . Make him comfortable . Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom . Have a cool or warm drink ready for him . Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes . Speak in a low , soothing and pleasant voice . Do n't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity . Remember , he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness . Once he has had a chance to have his evening meal clear the dishes and wash up promptly . If your husband should offer to help decline his offer as he may feel obliged to repeat this offer and after a long working day he does not need the extra work . Encourage your husband to pursue His hobbies and interests and be supportive without seeming to encroach . If you have any little hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these , as women 's interests are often rather trivial compared to men 's. At the end of the evening tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his breakfast needs . Your husband 's breakfast is vital if he is to face the outside world in a positive fashion . Once you have both retired to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible . &NAME feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom , as he would have to do for his train . But remember to look your best when going to bed . Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious . If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night . When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him . If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it . In all things be lead by your husband 's wishes ; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy . Should your husband suggest congress then accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man 's satisfaction is more important than a woman 's. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had . Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent . It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing , freshen up and apply your night-time face and hair care products . You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning . This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes . SUBJECT: Re : Dearest &NAME , I DO want to come and see you , I just forgot- and yes , I am very busy with stupid work , but I still want to see you . I do see it from your poin of view- I do understand- but I really did n't forget on purpose ; I just have a lot on my mind at the moment . I 'm sorry I irritate you , but I ca n't do much about that , really , except try exceptionally hard not to forget- and I really did n't mean to . I 'll see you at &NAME 's birthday bonanza . If I can find you among the multitude of people he 's invited , it 'd be nice to say hello . Love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , &NAME , sorry , sorry , sorry ... Please forgive me - I get easily irritated about people not being on time / forgeting appointments etc. " It certainly does n't sound like you want to see me . " - This may seem like strange logic , but if I did n't want to see you I would n't be bothered if you did n't turn up . I do want to see you . That 's why I was very disappointed when you did n't turn up . I wo n't bother asking you to try and see it from my point of view because I have no wish to have an argument . I 'm really sorry for offending you . If you 're too busy with work then why did n't you say so ? You do n't have to come and see me if you 're stressed about you dissertation , exams , etc. Just let me know . As for my reply to &NAME 's email ; that was not petulance and should not have been taken for it . It is quite true that I am not usually one to go to formal dinners ( having only been to &NUM and I 'm in third year ) so I think me reply was quite justified and was intended top be a positive statement of approval for &NAME 's idea . Whether your judgement of it was coloured by our earlier " encounter " I have no idea , but I certainoly hope everyone else did n't see it the same way as you did . " What happened to forgive and forget ? " I 've forgiven and forgotten - now , but it took me a few hours to do so . I am really very very very far from perfect and that is why I was so temperamental . Hope you feel less tired , less stressed and less rubbish very soon , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME , About your text messages ; if you do n't want me to come and see you , I wo n't, seeing as I have a " great capacity for irritating ( you ) " ; it certainly does n't sound like you want to see me . What can I say ? You hated it when I wrote you something this rude , and now you 're doing it to me . I am tired and incredibly worried about my work . I am sorry that I forgot to come and see you , but I really do n't think it merits this kind of behaviour , and I really ca n't take it at the moment . It just seems really petulant , as does your comment replying to &NAME 's email about the Festival Dinner . What happened to forgive and forget ? You make me feel really bad ; as if I 'm not feeling rubbish enough already . I do n't really know what else to write . &NAME . SUBJECT: Re : Dear &NAME , You do n't normally irritate me , just in case you wondered . I never thought you forgot on purpose . Yes , he has invited many people , has n't he ? Enjoy the library . Love &NAME &NAME wrote : Dearest &NAME , I DO want to come and see you , I just forgot- and yes , I am very busy with stupid work , but I still want to see you . I do see it from your poin of view- I do understand- but I really did n't forget on purpose ; I just have a lot on my mind at the moment . I 'm sorry I irritate you , but I ca n't do much about that , really , except try exceptionally hard not to forget- and I really did n't mean to . I 'll see you at &NAME 's birthday bonanza . If I can find you among the multitude of people he 's invited , it 'd be nice to say hello . Love &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , &NAME , sorry , sorry , sorry ... Please forgive me - I get easily irritated about people not being on time / forgeting appointments etc. " It certainly does n't sound like you want to see me . " - This may seem like strange logic , but if I did n't want to see you I would n't be bothered if you did n't turn up . I do want to see you . That 's why I was very disappointed when you did n't turn up . I wo n't bother asking you to try and see it from my point of view because I have no wish to have an argument . I 'm really sorry for offending you . If you 're too busy with work then why did n't you say so ? You do n't have to come and see me if you 're stressed about you dissertation , exams , etc. Just let me know . As for my reply to &NAME 's email ; that was not petulance and should not have been taken for it . It is quite true that I am not usually one to go to formal dinners ( having only been to &NUM and I 'm in third year ) so I think me reply was quite justified and was intended top be a positive statement of approval for &NAME 's idea . Whether your judgement of it was coloured by our earlier " encounter " I have no idea , but I certainoly hope everyone else did n't see it the same way as you did . " What happened to forgive and forget ? " I 've forgiven and forgotten - now , but it took me a few hours to do so . I am really very very very far from perfect and that is why I was so temperamental . Hope you feel less tired , less stressed and less rubbish very soon , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME , About your text messages ; if you do n't want me to come and see you , I wo n't, seeing as I have a " great capacity for irritating ( you ) " ; it certainly does n't sound like you want to see me . What can I say ? You hated it when I wrote you something this rude , and now you 're doing it to me . I am tired and incredibly worried about my work . I am sorry that I forgot to come and see you , but I really do n't think it merits this kind of behaviour , and I really ca n't take it at the moment . It just seems really petulant , as does your comment replying to &NAME 's email about the Festival Dinner . What happened to forgive and forget ? You make me feel really bad ; as if I 'm not feeling rubbish enough already . I do n't really know what else to write . &NAME . SUBJECT: Re : [ Fwd : [ Fwd : Good wife guide ] ] ] ] ] That is some of the most ridiculous nonsense I have ever read . &NAME wrote : Something to give to your espoused ... when and if . &NAME x Dear girls , I know I do n't normally send forwards , but this is hilarious , and made me laugh in the library ( a rare occurrence ... ) &NAME ! Lots of love , &NAME &NAME , leanda sent me this , I nearly did n't bother reading it but it 's so so funny - even I disagree with some parts ! ! ! ! ! ! Love you both loads &NAME xxxx This is for anyone who joined me in wishing that we could just get married and forget about the careers office ! ! &NAME The &NAME &NAME Guide . . . ... classic ! This is an actual extract from a &NAME Economics textbook printed in the early 60's. Absolutely unbelievable . Men love it ! Women ca n't believe it ! The &NAME &NAME Guide . Have dinner ready . Plan ahead , even the night before , to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return from work . This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs . Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal ( especially his favourite dish ) is part of the warm welcome needed . Prepare yourself . Take &NUM minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives . Touch up your make-up , put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking . He has just been with a lot of work weary people . Be a little &NAME and a little more interesting for him . His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it . Clear away the clutter . Make &NUM last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives . Gather up schoolbooks , toys , papers etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables . During the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by . Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too . After all , catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction . Minimize all noise . At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer , dryer or vacuum . Try to encourage the children to be quiet . Be happy to see him . Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him . Listen to him . You may have a dozen important things to tell him , but the moment of his arrival is not the time . Let him talk first ; remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours . Make the evening his . Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you . Instead , try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax . Try to make sure your home is a place of peace , order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit . Do n't greet him with complaints and problems . Do n't complain if he 's late home for dinner , or even stays out all night . Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day . Make him comfortable . Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom . Have a cool or warm drink ready for him . Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes . Speak in a low , soothing and pleasant voice . Do n't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity . Remember , he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness . Once he has had a chance to have his evening meal clear the dishes and wash up promptly . If your husband should offer to help decline his offer as he may feel obliged to repeat this offer and after a long working day he does not need the extra work . Encourage your husband to pursue His hobbies and interests and be supportive without seeming to encroach . If you have any little hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these , as women 's interests are often rather trivial compared to men 's. At the end of the evening tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his breakfast needs . Your husband 's breakfast is vital if he is to face the outside world in a positive fashion . Once you have both retired to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible . &NAME feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom , as he would have to do for his train . But remember to look your best when going to bed . Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious . If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night . When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him . If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it . In all things be lead by your husband 's wishes ; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy . Should your husband suggest congress then accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man 's satisfaction is more important than a woman 's. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had . Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent . It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing , freshen up and apply your night-time face and hair care products . You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning . This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes . SUBJECT: ( no subject ) hello . how are you ? I hope well . my dissertation is ick . see you friday- would you like to meet at the library ? you could come back after lunch . this means , I would liekt to meet at the lib , if that 's ok . you have a &NUM o'clock , do n't you ? would you much mind , &NAME ? I would apprecaite it , tho I you ca n't, I shall of course still come and see you ( bar all tricks of memeory ) . &NAME a xx SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Hello . I am more or less well except for being very very tired . I guess we could meet in the library . 2pm at the front entrance ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : hello . how are you ? I hope well . my dissertation is ick . see you friday- would you like to meet at the library ? you could come back after lunch . this means , I would liekt to meet at the lib , if that 's ok . you have a &NUM o'clock , do n't you ? would you much mind , &NAME ? I would apprecaite it , tho I you ca n't, I shall of course still come and see you ( bar all tricks of memeory ) . &NAME a xx SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Hi again , Actually , sorry , but could we meet at 11am in the library instead , as it would be much easier for me etc. Thanks , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : hello . how are you ? I hope well . my dissertation is ick . see you friday- would you like to meet at the library ? you could come back after lunch . this means , I would liekt to meet at the lib , if that 's ok . you have a &NUM o'clock , do n't you ? would you much mind , &NAME ? I would apprecaite it , tho I you ca n't, I shall of course still come and see you ( bar all tricks of memeory ) . &NAME a xx SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) sorry &NAME , have a lecture at &NUM , so would n't be able to do much . is there another time ? &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi again , Actually , sorry , but could we meet at 11am in the library instead , as it would be much easier for me etc. Thanks , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : hello . how are you ? I hope well . my dissertation is ick . see you friday- would you like to meet at the library ? you could come back after lunch . this means , I would liekt to meet at the lib , if that 's ok . you have a &NUM o'clock , do n't you ? would you much mind , &NAME ? I would apprecaite it , tho I you ca n't, I shall of course still come and see you ( bar all tricks of memeory ) . &NAME a xx SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) I have a lecture at &NAME too , but never mind . 2pm at the library then . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : sorry &NAME , have a lecture at &NUM , so would n't be able to do much . is there another time ? &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi again , Actually , sorry , but could we meet at 11am in the library instead , as it would be much easier for me etc. Thanks , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : hello . how are you ? I hope well . my dissertation is ick . see you friday- would you like to meet at the library ? you could come back after lunch . this means , I would liekt to meet at the lib , if that 's ok . you have a &NUM o'clock , do n't you ? would you much mind , &NAME ? I would apprecaite it , tho I you ca n't, I shall of course still come and see you ( bar all tricks of memeory ) . &NAME a xx SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) it 's not that , we can meet then if you want , it 's just that then we will only have like &NUM quarters of an hour or somthing . we can do &NUM if you want , it 's just that it would n't be for that long . but it is up to you- just email me a time- &NUM or &NUM . either is good ! a xxx &NAME wrote : I have a lecture at &NAME too , but never mind . 2pm at the library then . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : sorry &NAME , have a lecture at &NUM , so would n't be able to do much . is there another time ? &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi again , Actually , sorry , but could we meet at 11am in the library instead , as it would be much easier for me etc. Thanks , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : hello . how are you ? I hope well . my dissertation is ick . see you friday- would you like to meet at the library ? you could come back after lunch . this means , I would liekt to meet at the lib , if that 's ok . you have a &NUM o'clock , do n't you ? would you much mind , &NAME ? I would apprecaite it , tho I you ca n't, I shall of course still come and see you ( bar all tricks of memeory ) . &NAME a xx SUBJECT: Meeting I would like to see you at 2pm then . But what will we do ? There is nowhere in the library to talk ... ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME we can go for a WALK ! no. .. we can go to the lib cafe , or the chem cafe . that will be fun ! those lovely people ... &NAME xx &NAME wrote : I would like to see you at 2pm then . But what will we do ? There is nowhere in the library to talk ... ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Sorry I stopped net sending you so suddenly - my computer crashed . Have a good afternoon . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME that 's ok , wondered what happened . have you decided upon a time for tomorrow yet , m. forrestius ? &NAME wrote : Sorry I stopped net sending you so suddenly - my computer crashed . Have a good afternoon . &NAME SUBJECT: ( no subject ) I take it that means it 's &NAME ? ! text me if diff . &CHAR &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) I sent you an email saying 2pm , so yes , &NAME if that 's okay ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : I take it that means it 's &NAME ? ! text me if diff . &CHAR &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) yup , &CHAR &CHAR there &NAME wrote : I sent you an email saying 2pm , so yes , &NAME if that 's okay ? &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : I take it that means it 's &NAME ? ! text me if diff . &CHAR &CHAR SUBJECT: Why &NAME ? ... Dear &NAME , Here is the web-page you requested . It contains the names of all the &NAME central computer and file servers ... &WEBSITE Some of the names seem very strange . You may also find this web-page interesting ... &WEBSITE Hope you had a good weekend in &NAME . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Why &NAME ? ... &NAME , when you click on the web-page go to &NAME &NAME and &NAME &NAME " , under 'Miscellaneous " . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Why &NAME ? ... merci &NAME . my dissertation hates me but I had a good weekend . how was guys and dolls ? I hear good . when are we going to meet this week ? is wed any good for you ? I have forgot what we said not because I do n't care ( I do ) but because I am thinking about other things . well , &NUM other thing . my dissertation . it hatres me . did I say that already ? I ca n't say I blame it , but it 's pretty depressingly bad . ( sigh ) . wed ? let me know . luv yuz babe . &NAME xx &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME , Here is the web-page you requested . It contains the names of all the &NAME central computer and file servers ... &WEBSITE Some of the names seem very strange . You may also find this web-page interesting ... &WEBSITE Hope you had a good weekend in &NAME . Love &NAME SUBJECT: Today Dear &NAME , Did you get my text message ? As I said , I am free all afternoon today . Anyway , have a good day . Also , could you send me the holiday folder when you have time . Thanks . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME Dear &NAME , Here is how to email the holiday folder to me as an attachment ... &NUM ) In &NAME &NAME click on &NAME &NAME &NUM ) Type my email address &NUM ) Click on attachments ( the paperclip ) &NUM ) Double click on the white space &NUM ) Find the files ... The files you want to attach are in your " &CHAR " drive , then in the " netscape " folder , then in the 'mail " folder you should find a file which is the name of the holiday folder . Double click on this file . Then attach another file , also in " &CHAR " , " netscape " , abut this time in &WEBSITE " folder . It should be called the same as the first file , but have a .snm part after the name . Double click on this file too . I hope this is clear and if you have any difficulties then please let me know . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) Hi &NAME , Thanks , but it does n't seem to have worked ... Could you just forward all the individual emails to me please ? Thanks very much . &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : I think this is right . there is some stuff about my other hols , please ignore this ! it was lovely to see you today and I hope you have a good few days until I see you again , &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ( no subject ) We booked the house through the &CHAR website on &WEBSITE . The house was in &NAME , with a party of &NUM ( thats what you need to search for on the website ) and property ref &NUM , &NAME Farm , &NAME &NAME , near &NAME . &NAME thats of help ! They 're a lovely Christian couple , and especially like Christians staying ! &NAME &NAME and speak to you soon , &NAME On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &NAME &NAME wrote : sorry this is such a small email , will write more again soon , but could you poss send me the telephone number of that house you and your frineds stayed at last summer ? much obliged ! love &NAME xx SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME ... The idea of a holiday for all , at the end of this academic year , appeals ... basically , what I need to know is : &NUM Do you want to come ? &NUM When are you free ? When are you not free ? ( SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Hi pettle ! Have texted &NAME to find out when she gets back , but as yet have had no reply and I 'm not holding out much hope as she is not too good at replying to my texts ! ! Anyway , I have booked the video room for 8pm , so we can watch a film . When do you want to come into college ? I finish at &NUM today , and although I like to go to &NAME 's Hall worship , am seriously tempted to &NAME it . Hmmm. .. you could come and have tea in college ( if that is tempting for you ) if you like , or just meet us after we 've had tea or whatever . The choice is yours . Feel from to name a time any time after &NUM . &NAME . . ... Re : HOLIDAY &NUM yes , I would like to go &NUM as yet , I have absolutely NO plans for the summer ! So , I guess I 'm free for the entire period ! &NUM my budget is willing to stretch to a max of £ &NUM . Ideally , that would include transport costs etc as well as accomodation . Does that sound a reasonable price ? I 'm not good with money ! ! Lots of love , see you later , &NAME xxxxx " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME ... The idea of a holiday for all , at the end of this academic year , appeals ... basically , what I need to know is : &NUM Do you want to come ? &NUM When are you free ? When are you not free ? ( SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Dear &NAME , &NAME is wonderful . I am available all summer . My budget will cover anything I want it to cover . Love &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME ... The idea of a holiday for all , at the end of this academic year , appeals ... basically , what I need to know is : &NUM Do you want to come ? &NUM When are you free ? When are you not free ? ( SUBJECT: Re : &NAME I 'd be quite up for going away I think . Maybe sometime in August ? Probably not spending much more than £ &NUM would be preferable . Later , &NAME &NAME ... The idea of a holiday for all , at the end of this academic year , appeals ... basically , what I need to know is : &NUM Do you want to come ? &NUM When are you free ? When are you not free ? ( SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NUM ) Yes &NUM ) Ca n't commit . Probably not in September but I do n't know what I am doing next year and that hugely affects what I do with the summer . ( &NAME / &NAME /holidays / world travel ... ) &NUM ) &NAME enough not to eat dog meat all week , sleep in a sewer or only look at the outside of monuments . More specifically I want good value ( good locality nice place to stay things to do not too far away ) rather than dirt cheap . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME urm , still not sure of my plans , but would love to come . Although I initially thought immediately after we break up would be the best time , it now seems to make more sense to go around august bank holiday weekend , as we wo n't be sick of the sight of each other , &NAME will be back from &NAME , and then if I do end up going to &NAME for July I 'll be back . &NAME ... cheaper the better , of course , but could probably stretch to £ &NUM , depending on how much it cost to get there etc. thank you or doing this , if you get fed up , let me know and someone will take over ! love , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " wrote : &NAME ... The idea of a holiday for all , at the end of this academic year , appeals ... basically , what I need to know is : &NUM Do you want to come ? &NUM When are you free ? When are you not free ? ( SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Hey &NAME Here are my blind date holiday answers : &NUM ) it sounds like a cool idea , so that 's a yes &NUM ) I 'm not free very much , so if I do n't fit in then forget me and all come and visit me next year ! I am free for the first fortnight of September , and possibly for some of August , but that 's not sure yet . I 'm in &NAME until the end of July . You could of course all come to &NAME for a holiday ... &NUM ) budget depends on whether I go to &NAME / &NAME in August with &NAME or not ( ! ) , but should n't be that restricted anyway . I 'm working at the minute and earning reasonably ( i.e. minimum wage ! ) but living costs are currently &NUM , so not too restricted . £ &NUM / &NUM ? Hope you 're ok and work 's going all right ; really looking forward to you party ! I 'm expecting it to be the social highlight of the year , so it 'd better be good ! See you Friday Love &NAME &NAME ... The idea of a holiday for all , at the end of this academic year , appeals ... basically , what I need to know is : &NUM Do you want to come ? &NUM When are you free ? When are you not free ? ( SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Hi &NAME , as am not sure when in &NAME best if you just make plans and then can you let me know so I can see if I can come . Hope you are ok ? How is life in &NAME &NAME ? lots of love &NAME xxx From : " &NAME &NAME " ( &EMAIL ) To : &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , " &NAME ( &NAME { sy } ) " ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) , &NAME ( &EMAIL ) &NAME : as ( &EMAIL ) Subject : &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM &NAME ... The idea of a holiday for all , at the end of this academic year , appeals ... basically , what I need to know is : &NUM Do you want to come ? &NUM When are you free ? When are you not free ? ( SUBJECT: Guess what ? &NAME , sorry for another email thing ... My email address is : &EMAIL or &EMAIL ( but I do n't really know how this works ; if someone would explain , I would be grateful &NAME ) Adieu till we meet again . Love &NAME xx ok , sorry to bother you all ... it tunrs out my new email address is NOT &EMAIL thing , but IS &EMAIL . hmm , it 's been a trying time . &NAME xx Chat with friends online , try &NAME &NAME : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME babe . have not yet found job . &NAME appalling . am bored . west wing great . have nothing of interest to say . you well ? sorry for email shortness ... love &NAME xx From : &NAME &NAME To : &EMAIL Subject : &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME , Hello . I have now moved into &NAME &CHAR and my spare time is spent cleaning cupboards . My telephone number is &NUM &NUM &NUM and you are most welcome to call me as I will be very pleased to hear from you . I started my nine-week chemistry placement on Monday and it looks as though I am going to enjoy it &SMILEY The chemistry is interesting - and that ( of course ) is the main thing However , I have been getting up at 6am to catch a bus to &NAME and that is tiring ! Last night I lost my mobile phone and felt such a profound loss that I was quite shaken . I had left it on an express bus to &NAME and therefore despaired of all hope of ever seeing it again . Amazingly it was still on the bus when it got back into &NAME later that evening and I was reunited ! &NAME - &NAME you are enjoying your holiday in &NAME . &NAME - See you on Sunday evening ! &NAME - &NAME your placement is going well too . &NAME - &NAME ! Are you still practising scrabble ? &NAME - &NAME , absent one . &NAME - Did you enjoy your holiday in &NAME ? &NAME - Hopefully I 'll see you in a week or so sometime . &NAME - &NAME , absent one . &NAME - It was good to talk to you the other evening , enjoy &NAME ! I 'm not sure about boredom being decadent . I 'll try and write properly soon . Very best wishes , &NAME &NAME &NAME is the easiest way to share and print your photos : Click Here SUBJECT: Hi Dear &NAME , Hello ! How are you ? I wo n't ask you if you enjoyed your holiday in &NAME , but take my word for it - it does have some shops ; they just tend to congregate in cities . Thanks for your postcard - I got it yesterday . Hope you 're enjoying being at home again . I 'm enjoying living in the flat ; it 's good fun so far . Well , my placement is good . I 'm doing research on coatings for paint - which is much more interesting than it sounds honestly ! I say 'doing " , but I have n't really started yet due to &NUM thing and another . Most of my time so far has been spent reading patents and being inducted . There are a few other students working there too , so that 's nice . We were supposed to start doing some experiments today but then it was pointed out we did n't have safety footwear , so that required a little trip out to buy some maybe tomorrow will see some work Wonderfully , I do n't have to get up at 6am every day any more ! I 've found someone who works there and lives in &NAME , so he gives me a lift there and back . Sorry I have n't emailed much - internet access has been rather difficult as college is the nearest online place for me and I only manage to check it once or twice a week ! However , I now have a computer at work so that should make things easier . My family has been staying with me last week . They were having a holiday in and around &NAME . Last Sunday &NAME and his family came to visit for the evening . We all went out for a meal to &NAME &NAME , and &NAME and I also went to visit &NAME &NAME . &NAME wanted to try and look around &NAME &CHAR , but it was locked . However , &NAME I was open so we wandered in there and looked around a little - most bizarre ! We also had a little look in &NAME &NAME &NAME to hear from you soon and looking forward to seeing you at the beginning of September . Are you happy for me to come down to &NAME , because you 're quite welcome to come up and visit me this time ? Love &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi hello &NAME ! I have ajob- of sorts . I am temping in an office , which is really nice because I am working at a desk and not with the general public . I am working with people who have degrees . iis great ! I am off to &NAME this w/e for a wedding , I do n't think you know her . it should be fun tho . I went shopping after work today and bought my last bit of outfit . I am glad you are having fun ? have you made some nice friends ? ! youur job counds like it will prepare you for a career , which is more than my degree ever did ... I am fairly bored at home , but my parents are away this week doing a camp for disadvantaged kids , so &NAME and I are raving it up at home alone . we bought coconut ice cream and doughnuts and went driving ! wow , are we living dangerously ... I would like to make this longer , but I am living a dull life and have nothing to say . if you have questions , ask them and I will reply . I am not interesting enough at the &NAME to spontaneously give you info . ... love &NAME xx From : &NAME &NAME To : &NAME Subject : Hi &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear &NAME , Hello ! How are you ? I wo n't ask you if you enjoyed your holiday in &NAME , but take my word for it - it does have some shops ; they just tend to congregate in cities . Thanks for your postcard - I got it yesterday . Hope you 're enjoying being at home again . I 'm enjoying living in the flat ; it 's good fun so far . Well , my placement is good . I 'm doing research on coatings for paint - which is much more interesting than it sounds honestly ! I say 'doing " , but I have n't really started yet due to &NUM thing and another . Most of my time so far has been spent reading patents and being inducted . There are a few other students working there too , so that 's nice . We were supposed to start doing some experiments today but then it was pointed out we did n't have safety footwear , so that required a little trip out to buy some maybe tomorrow will see some work Wonderfully , I do n't have to get up at 6am every day any more ! I 've found someone who works there and lives in &NAME , so he gives me a lift there and back . Sorry I have n't emailed much - internet access has been rather difficult as college is the nearest online place for me and I only manage to check it once or twice a week ! However , I now have a computer at work so that should make things easier . My family has been staying with me last week . They were having a holiday in and around &NAME . Last Sunday &NAME and his family came to visit for the evening . We all went out for a meal to &NAME &NAME , and &NAME and I also went to visit &NAME &NAME . &NAME wanted to try and look around &NAME &CHAR , but it was locked . However , &NAME I was open so we wandered in there and looked around a little - most bizarre ! We also had a little look in &NAME &NAME &NAME to hear from you soon and looking forward to seeing you at the beginning of September . Are you happy for me to come down to &NAME , because you 're quite welcome to come up and visit me this time ? Love &NAME &NAME &NAME is the easiest way to share and print your photos : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : Hi rats , sorry , &NAME , I was at a wedding from friday to sat afternoon , and then I went straight over to &NAME to spend the night with &NAME &NAME ( ha ha ) ... O well . but yes , I woudl love to chat to you sometime . presumably it will have to be when you are at home . I am here next sat and sun , if that 's any good . the wedding was the &NUM exciting event of my summer so far , so I was a bit out of the social circle and took a while to get into having to talk to people . but it was still pretty good . did I tell you I was temping ? it is quite good fun altho it is &NUM buses there and the same back , which is a bit of a pain . but I am a credit to my family , obviosuly , in my manners and impeccable behaviour.it is raining here which is better than the sultry weather . my sister says hi and continued thank yous for her phone , which itruly believe she is in love with . wierd girl . well , lots of love ... &NAME xx hope you 're ok.xx From : &NAME To : " &NAME &NAME " Subject : Re : Hi &NAME : Sat , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , Thanks for your email . I 'm very pleased to hear you have a job . This weekend I 'm at home ( ! ) and having a lovely relaxing time after a weeks work . My job is going well and is quite good fun , although , as I said , I do n't do very much . Anyway , would you like to chat sometime tomorrow afternoon as I have access to the internet here ? Hope you are having a good time . &NAME Chat with friends online , try &NAME &NAME : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : Hi Hi &NAME , Thanks for your email . I 'm very pleased to hear you have a job . This weekend I 'm at home ( ! ) and having a lovely relaxing time after a weeks work . My job is going well and is quite good fun , although , as I said , I do n't do very much . Anyway , would you like to chat sometime tomorrow afternoon as I have access to the internet here ? Hope you are having a good time . &NAME SUBJECT: Call to arms I know I should n't forward , but ... this is most amusing ! &NAME it all ... Love &NAME xx From : &NAME &NAME " To : &EMAIL &NAME : &EMAIL Subject : Re : Call to arms ( Fwd ) &NAME : Wed , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Yes , this is spam , but it is also amusing . It was allegedly posted very briefly on the &NAME &NAME &NAME by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor . The company , of course , does not have a sense of humor , and made the web department take it down immediately . ( For once , the " IMPORTANT " note at the end is worth a read too ... ) Thank you for purchasing a &NAME &NAME military aircraft . In order to protect your new investment , please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below . Answering the survey questions is not required , but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires . &NUM [ _ ] Mr. [ _ ] Mrs. [ _ ] Ms. [ _ ] Miss [ _ ] Lt. [ _ ] Gen . [ _ ] Comrade [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] Other First Name : _________________________________________ &NAME : ________ Last Name : __________________________________________ &NAME : _____________________ ( max . &NUM &NAME ) Code Name : ______________________________ &NAME : ___________________________ &NUM Which model of aircraft did you purchase ? [ _ ] F-14 &NAME [ _ ] F-15 &NAME [ _ ] F-16 &NAME [ _ ] F-117A Stealth [ _ ] Classified &NUM Date of purchase ( Year / Month / &NAME ) : &NUM / ____ / ____ &NUM Serial Number : ________________________ &NUM Please indicate where this product was purchased : [ _ ] Received as gift / aid package [ _ ] &NAME / showroom [ _ ] Independent arms broker [ _ ] Mail order [ _ ] Discount store [ _ ] Government surplus [ _ ] Classified &NUM Please indicate how you became aware of the &NAME &NAME product you have just purchased : [ _ ] Heard loud noise , looked up [ _ ] Store display [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] Recommended by friend / relative / ally [ _ ] Political lobbying by manufacturer [ _ ] Was attacked by &NUM &NUM Please indicate the &NUM ( &NUM ) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this &NAME &NAME product : [ _ ] Style / appearance [ _ ] &NAME / maneuverability [ _ ] &NAME / value [ _ ] &NAME / convenience [ _ ] &NAME / bribe [ _ ] Recommended by salesperson [ _ ] &NAME &NAME reputation [ _ ] Advanced Weapons Systems [ _ ] &NAME politics [ _ ] Negative experience opposing one in combat &NUM Please indicate the location ( &CHAR ) where this product will be used : [ _ ] &NAME &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] Aircraft carrier [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] Middle East ( not &NAME ) [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME / Far East [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME . Third &NAME countries [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME &NUM Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future : [ _ ] Color TV [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME &NAME [ _ ] &NAME &NAME [ _ ] &NAME Missiles [ _ ] Space Shuttle [ _ ] &NAME &NAME [ _ ] &NAME &NAME &NUM How would you describe yourself or your organization ? ( Indicate all that apply : [ _ ] Communist / Socialist [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] Neutral [ _ ] Democratic [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME / &NAME &NUM How did you pay for your &NAME &NAME product ? [ _ ] Deficit spending [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] Suitcases of cocaine [ _ ] Oil revenues [ _ ] Personal check [ _ ] Credit card [ _ ] Ransom money [ _ ] Traveler 's check &NUM Your occupation : [ _ ] Homemaker [ _ ] &NAME / marketing [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] Middle management [ _ ] &NAME billionaire [ _ ] Defense Minister / General [ _ ] Retired [ _ ] &NAME &NUM To help us better understand our customers , please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis : [ _ ] Golf [ _ ] &NAME / sailing [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] Running / jogging [ _ ] &NAME / misinformation [ _ ] &NAME / overthrow [ _ ] &NAME on loans [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME market / smuggling [ _ ] &NAME / collections [ _ ] Watching sports on TV [ _ ] &NAME [ _ ] &NAME / torture [ _ ] Household pets [ _ ] Crushing rebellions [ _ ] &NAME / reconnaissance [ _ ] Fashion clothing [ _ ] &NAME disputes [ _ ] Mutually Assured &NAME Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire . Your answers will be used in market studies that will help &NAME &NAME serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies , governments , extremist groups , and mysterious consortia . As a bonus for responding to this survey , you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes ! Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes ? Please write to : &NAME &NAME CORPORATION Marketing Department , Military &NAME Division IMPORTANT : This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee ( &CHAR ) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem , no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs . If you are not the intended recipient , any dissemination , distribution or copying of this email is not authorized ( either explicitly or implicitly ) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas . Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning , it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored . No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email , although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time , let me tell you . Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards , so just ignore that Alert Notice from &NAME . However , by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets . If you have received this email in error , please add some nutmeg and egg whites , whisk and place in a warm oven for &NUM minutes . &NAME &NAME is the easiest way to share and print your photos : Click Here &NAME &NAME I know you 're busy so this is just a quick question . you know when you were at my house and you deleted those things from the computer ? what paths did you take to get there ? I do n't understaaaannnnd . ... hope all 's werll with you . I would emai longer but life is dull and I have nothing to say . oo , I did see &NAME this w/e whic hwas lovely . we went shopping and did girly things , like talk . work is horrid and dull ... hope life is better for you sweetie ! &NAME xx &NAME &NAME is the easiest way to share and print your photos : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : ? &NAME &NAME . do n't think it worked but will keep trying . am quite inept . am ssooooooooooooooooo bored at work , filing is the WORST . O well . it is all good practice for something . went to see the importance of being earnest tonight . I think even &NAME might enjoy it on the non risque scale , so you certainly would- make &NAME take you . I hear you were in your persona of " wild &NAME " the other night ; I hear you were ( gasp ) throwing cushions . hmmm . ... ! well , I wish I had something more interesting to say . but &NAME ... love &NAME xx From : &NAME To : " &NAME &NAME " Subject : Re : ? &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME ! Okay ... Go to " tools " , " internet options " and then delete your temporary internet files and clear your history . Then you 'll need to go to 'my computer " , " &CHAR " , " windows " , " temporary internet files " and delete all the cookies there ( i.e. all the files ) . If you have any difficulty please email me . I think my directions are correct , but they might not be . Glad you had a good weekend with &NAME . Please note that talking is n't an exclusively girly thing . I have only &NUM more days of work left ! &NAME Chat with friends online , try &NAME &NAME : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? &NAME ? Hi &NAME ! Okay ... Go to " tools " , " internet options " and then delete your temporary internet files and clear your history . Then you 'll need to go to 'my computer " , " &CHAR " , " windows " , " temporary internet files " and delete all the cookies there ( i.e. all the files ) . If you have any difficulty please email me . I think my directions are correct , but they might not be . Glad you had a good weekend with &NAME . Please note that talking is n't an exclusively girly thing . I have only &NUM more days of work left ! &NAME SUBJECT: Message from &NAME &NAME , and welcome to this email on behalf of &NAME ... I went up to &NAME today ( where &NAME is completing the second part of her training ) to see &NAME , and she desired me to send you this , as she has little access to email , altho " she will shortly . Apologies for information which some of you know ; it bears repeating . &NAME is working for Youth for &NAME doing advanced sports evangelism , and as of next week will be based in &NAME , en &NAME . She will be living with her boss , &NAME , who is about &NUM , and the other member of the team , &CHAR / &NAME , who is about &NUM years younger than &NAME . She has been training with them and &NUM others ( who will form a team in the &NAME ) . OK , I 'm now going to paraphrase what &NAME asked me to tell you ... &NAME is feeling very blessed that &NAME has saught to use her talents in a way that she will enjoy . She feels that she has a particular calling this year towards girls , and getting alongside them- she is looking forward to doing &NUM , and possibly to coaching some hockey as well as football . She is glad to be in &NAME , and her time in &NAME has made her thankful for the great provision &NAME is making for her . On a slightly less-good note , she is finding the training quite hard , as the other trainees are all boys , and are from differing backgrounds to herself . While she is glad that &NAME is challenging her to come out of her comfort zone , being the oldest , most mature and only female member of the team can sometimes be trying for her . Please ( if you want to ) pray for all of the above , and ask for security for &NAME as a lone girl , her safety may be called into question . I had such a wonderful time with &NAME it was fabulous to see her , and see how faithfully she is prepared to adhere to &NAME 's plans for her . Her time in &NAME has developed her leadership skills , and the photos were fantastic- such a beautiful place . Finally , if I have missed anyone vital from the email list , please let me know . &NAME will have email next week , so feel free to reply to her . With love , &NAME ( and &NAME ) xx &NAME and receive Hotmail on your mobile device : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : ? hey boy . thanks for the books back , was n't expecting them , but thanks ! have got new temping job at national grid . they do things with electrivity , I do n't unbderstand at all ! also I am in the accounts dept , fine for a girl who can barely add up ! hope all 's good with you . saw &NAME at w/e , was good . nopw job news yet , will be forced to decapitate next church person who asks . heard the news about &NAME leaving claypath ? love &NAME xx From : &NAME To : " &NAME &NAME " Subject : Re : ? &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME ! Okay ... Go to " tools " , " internet options " and then delete your temporary internet files and clear your history . Then you 'll need to go to " my computer " , " &CHAR " , " windows " , " temporary internet files " and delete all the cookies there ( i.e. all the files ) . If you have any difficulty please email me . I think my directions are correct , but they might not be . Glad you had a good weekend with &NAME . Please note that talking is n't an exclusively girly thing . I have only &NUM more days of work left ! &NAME Join the world 's largest e-mail service with &NAME &NAME . Click Here SUBJECT: &NAME squares Apologies if you 've seen this before ... still amusant tho ! &NAME x From : &NAME &NAME " To : &EMAIL &NAME : &EMAIL Subject : Re : &NAME squares &NAME : Wed , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Not all will have had the " privilege " of seeing this the first time around , but I can never remember this programme being as funny as this Fwd suggests . THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever ( not scripted and dull like today ) , and wit was sharp without ever being vulgar . ( &NAME &NAME was the host asking the questions , of course . ) Q: Do female frogs croak ? A: &NAME &NAME : If you hold their little heads under water long enough . Q: If you 're going to make a parachute jump , you should be at least how high ? A: &NAME &NAME : &NUM days of steady drinking should do it . Q: True or False - a pea can last as long as &NUM , &NUM years . A: &NAME &NAME : &NAME , it sure seems that way sometimes . &NAME You 've been having trouble going to sleep . Are you probably a man or a woman ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : That 's what 's been keeping me awake . Q: According to &NAME , if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he 's really attractive , is it alright to come out directly and ask him if he 's married ? A: &NAME &NAME : No , wait until morning . Q: Which of you &NUM senses tends to diminish as you get older ? A: &NAME &NAME : My sense of decency . Q: In &NAME , does it take more than &NUM words to say " I love you " ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : No , you can say it with a pineapple and a &NUM . Q: What are 'Do It " , " I Can Help " and " Ca n't Get It " ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : I do n't know , but it comes from the next apartment . Q: As you grow older , do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : You ask me one more growing older question , &NAME , and I 'll give you a gesture you 'll never forget ! &NAME &NAME , why do Hell 's Angels wear leather ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily . &NAME &NAME , you 've just decided to grow strawberries . Are you going to get any during your first year ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : Of course not ; I 'm too busy growing strawberries ! Q: In &NAME , what 's a perfect score ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NAME , the pin boy . Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss &NUM subjects at nudist camps . One is politics . What is the other ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : Tape measures . Q: During a tornado , are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : Unfortunately , &NAME , I 'm always safe in the bedroom . Q: Can boys join the &NAME Fire Girls ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : Only after lights out . Q: When you &NAME a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail . What will a goose do ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : Make him bark ? Q: If you were pregnant for &NUM years , what you give birth to ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : Whatever it is , it would never be afraid of the dark . Q: According to &NAME &NAME , is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : It got me out of the Army ! Q: While visiting &NAME , your tour guide starts shouting , " Poo ! &NAME ! &NAME ! " What does that mean ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NAME crossing . Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body . What is it ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : Mine may be abused but it certainly is n't neglected ! &NAME &NAME , what do you call a pig that weighs more than &NUM pounds ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : A divorcee . Q: Back in the old days , when &NAME Grandpa put horseradish on his head , what was he trying to do ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : Get it in his mouth . Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time , your wife or your elephant ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : Who told you about my elephant ? Q: When a couple have a baby , who is responsible for its sex ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : I 'll lend him the car . The rest is up to him . &NAME &NAME &NAME did it over &NUM years ago , when he was &NUM years old . Now he says it was " one of the best things I ever did . " What was it ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : &NAME &NAME . &NAME &NAME &NAME recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least &NUM occasions . What are they ? &NAME &NAME &NAME : His feet . &NAME &NAME is the easiest way to share and print your photos : Click Here SUBJECT: &NAME babe . This is my email address for a couple of weeks , anyway . We 'll se after that . It capitalises thinbgs automatically for you ! ! Anyway . I should be doing stuff . Lots of love &NAME xx This e-mail and any files transmitted with it , are confidential to National Grid and are intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed . If you have received this e-mail in error , please contact the National Grid service support centre on &NUM - &NUM &NUM ( &NUM &NUM &NUM ) . SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME , Thanks for the email and text message . Sorry I did n't reply - I 've been at home for a few days holiday and left my phone charger in &NAME . Anyway , hope your job with the national grid is going well . I start lectures next week ... up to &NUM hours a week - how will I cope ? ? ? &NAME came up to &NAME yesterday to visit apparently . Unfortunately I was n't there . Oh well ! &NAME , have a nice day . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : You make me laugh- you do n't sound very sorry to have missed &NAME 's visit ! I am still at work , still bored . &NAME to get email tho' - makes it more interesting . &NUM hours a week- weakling ! I am working ( hang on while I work this out)- sorry had to get calculator out- &NUM hours a week , and no friends around as well ( sob , get out those violins)- think yourself jolly lucky , my boy ! Also , next term , you'lll have so much free time that you 'll have time to swing a cat ( or something like that ) . Or is that room ... ? Anyway . &NAME , you 're using excessive punctuation to emphasise the irony of your remarks . That 's not like you at all . And I hear you 've been throwing cushions and laughing . What will it be next ? Drugs ? Drink ? You reprobate ... just kidding- glad you 're having a good time ! &NAME , better go ... keep me posted on what 's going on . Love &NAME xx Hi &NAME , Thanks for the email and text message . Sorry I did n't reply - I 've been at home for a few days holiday and left my phone charger in &NAME . Anyway , hope your job with the national grid is going well . I start lectures next week ... up to &NUM hours a week - how will I cope ? ? ? &NAME came up to &NAME yesterday to visit apparently . Unfortunately I was n't there . Oh well ! &NAME , have a nice day . &NAME This e-mail and any files transmitted with it , are confidential to National Grid and are intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed . If you have received this e-mail in error , please contact the National Grid service support centre on &NUM - &NUM &NUM ( &NUM &NUM &NUM ) . &NAME , my love ... hope term has begun well for you ... just a quick note ( am at work ) to say hello and hope you 're having fun ... lots of love , &NAME xxx Join the world 's largest e-mail service with &NAME &NAME . Click Here SUBJECT: Re : Thank you ! I 'm in the library printing off exam papers . Hope you have a good evening . My lectures started today . Quite good . Lunch was delicious ... I 'm being unphased by mess . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : I am back at work bring bored . saw &NAME at the w/e . , that was nice . we are short staffed today and yet I still have nothign to do . helas . saw my sister at the w/e too ( guess where I went ) . she has a room the sie of a small palace . hah . hope the flat 's cool . &NAME , but are you turning into &NAME ? &NAME xx From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME To : &NAME &NAME Subject : Re : &NAME : Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Thank you ! I 'm in the library printing off exam papers . Hope you have a good evening . My lectures started today . Quite good . Lunch was delicious ... I 'm being unphased by mess . &NAME Chat with friends online , try &NAME &NAME : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : Now why would you say I 'm turning into &NAME ? ? ? I had such a great morning ! My project is so exciting ! I 'm trying to make molecular transistors ! How cool is that ? ! Did you have a nice time in &NAME ? Is &NAME well ? Lunchtime soon ... &NAME SUBJECT: Re : unfazed by mess , excited about sciency things , excessive punctuaitonyou already are &NAME . am bored bored bored . good grief there has to be mor to life ... weeel . I would tell you summat interesting , but there 's nothing to tell . a very bored little &NAME xxx From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME To : &NAME &NAME Subject : Re : &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Now why would you say I 'm turning into &NAME ? ? ? I had such a great morning ! My project is so exciting ! I 'm trying to make molecular transistors ! How cool is that ? ! Did you have a nice time in &NAME ? Is &NAME well ? Lunchtime soon ... &NAME &NAME and receive Hotmail on your mobile device : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : &NAMEThis morning I had a tour of my new lab . After being there about &NUM minutes a PhD student dropped a flask in a sink whereupon the sink was filled with a rush of flames . Quite exciting . The benchtop began to catch fire and eventually we used a fire extinguisher to do what it was made for . I 'm going to like working there ... ! This afternoon I 'm going to read and go to the bank ( exciting &NAME things to do with your spare time ) . What do you actually do in your job ? It ca n't be that boring if you get to use a computer ... &SMILEY Oh , and by the way , the Scottish accent is not at all convincing . Have a nice day ! &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME . I was n't aware I had treid to do a scottish accent ( this time ) . I probably just misspelled somthing ! am ata work again today . have discovered world 's best chocolate cake and the delight of friday afternoons . ho hum . my church is v bad at the &NAME , miss claypath ! how 's it going there ? when does &NAME actually leave ? have you heard anything about his replacment ? have just had yoghurt my lunch and chocolate crispie things . wow , life is a ball ... hope u well , &NAME xx From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME To : &NAME &NAME Subject : Re : &NAME : Wed , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM &NAME This morning I had a tour of my new lab . After being there about &NUM minutes a PhD student dropped a flask in a sink whereupon the sink was filled with a rush of flames . Quite exciting . The benchtop began to catch fire and eventually we used a fire extinguisher to do what it was made for . I 'm going to like working there ... ! This afternoon I 'm going to read and go to the bank ( exciting &NAME things to do with your spare time ) . What do you actually do in your job ? It ca n't be that boring if you get to use a computer ... &SMILEY Oh , and by the way , the Scottish accent is not at all convincing . Have a nice day ! &NAME &NAME &NAME is the easiest way to share and print your photos : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : &NAME , Oh , perhaps that was why I did n't think it was a very good one then . &NAME ... strange that it 's such a popular foodstuff . I had a most vile lunch today . Lecture cancelled though ... &SMILEY &NAME seems fine . I do n't know when &NAME is leaving , and I know nothing about any possible replacements ( sorry for being so uninformative ! ) . My project supervisor seems never to be in today ... how irritating ! Never mind . Must do some prep work for my first day of experiments next wednesday . Hope you have a good evening . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : hey babe . am here at work thinking of you , just waiting for the perfect job to announcs itself anf jump into my lap ... la la la ... life continues apace . choc cake and custard donuts are nice thp , and I have experienvced both today ... miss you ... naturally ... hope you 're looking after &NAME and enjoying the flat , muchos love , &NAME xx From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME To : &NAME &NAME Subject : Re : &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM &NAME , Oh , perhaps that was why I did n't think it was a very good one then . &NAME ... strange that it 's such a popular foodstuff . I had a most vile lunch today . Lecture cancelled though ... &SMILEY &NAME seems fine . I do n't know when &NAME is leaving , and I know nothing about any possible replacements ( sorry for being so uninformative ! ) . My project supervisor seems never to be in today ... how irritating ! Never mind . Must do some prep work for my first day of experiments next wednesday . Hope you have a good evening . &NAME &NAME &NAME is the easiest way to share and print your photos : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME , Thanks for your prompt reply . I 'm glad you are hoping to come . You seem to be eating a lot of chocolate and things these days . I 'm in the library again ... dull . Must try to understand difficult lecture from yesterday before I have the next one this afternoon ... Tomorrow I start my project - exciting ! Flat is fine . I think &NAME can look after herself though . Hopefully . Oh well , have an interesting day . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : you sayin " I 'm fat ? no , but we just had a team breifing with free lunch ... samosas ... sarnies ... pizza , yum , and raspberry and fresh cream roulade . mmm . shoul I get back to addressing my envelopes . the excitement . &NAME From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME To : &NAME &NAME Subject : Re : &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , Thanks for your prompt reply . I 'm glad you are hoping to come . You seem to be eating a lot of chocolate and things these days . I 'm in the library again ... dull . Must try to understand difficult lecture from yesterday before I have the next one this afternoon ... Tomorrow I start my project - exciting ! Flat is fine . I think &NAME can look after herself though . Hopefully . Oh well , have an interesting day . &NAME Chat with friends online , try &NAME &NAME : Click Here SUBJECT: Re : &NAME . I do n't have interesting days . here 's what I do . I get up at &NUM and go thro the usual morning ablutions for a normal person not obsessed with cleanliness . then &NUM or other parent drives me to work and all day I answer phones like this : " good morning / afternoon , the national ( higher tone of voice ) grid company " , with occasional breaks for tea / coffee . then I go home . there are bonuses . today we had a free buffet courtesy of the grid , which was tremendously delish , and they have water coolers , which really are the best thing since sliced bread . but that 's it . job , come to &NAME ... ach , computers . xxxx From : &CHAR &CHAR &NAME To : &NAME &NAME Subject : Re : &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Hi &NAME , Thanks for your prompt reply . I 'm glad you are hoping to come . You seem to be eating a lot of chocolate and things these days . I 'm in the library again ... dull . Must try to understand difficult lecture from yesterday before I have the next one this afternoon ... Tomorrow I start my project - exciting ! Flat is fine . I think &NAME can look after herself though . Hopefully . Oh well , have an interesting day . &NAME &NAME &NAME is the easiest way to share and print your photos : Click Here SUBJECT: OR DO N'T BOTHER WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER IF I DO THIS ? WILL I BE ABLE TO ERASE IT WHEN I LEAVE ? WILL IT ALLOW ME TOUSE MESSENGER OR JUST &NAME ? AND WHY CAN I NOT REMEMBER TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK ? Oh dear . &NAME lock is okay , I thought I had said something wrong for a moment . If you 're bored , try trillian ... &WEBSITE It allows you to use &NAME and &NAME ITS has n't blocked it so I use it here . See you , &NAME &NAME , &NAME wrote : WELL . I DO N'T KNOW . AND I HAVE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT CAPS LOCK ON . I WILL FIND OUT IN MY LUNCH BREAK . MY MIND IS &NAME WITH THE BOREDOM . &NAME XX Hi &NAME , It wo n't be baked beans ( I do n't like them ) . Nor will it be fish ( we are having a fortnight of poverty ) . I 'll try and make sure it is n't poisonous . Oh , &NAME emailed me to ask what time you 're getting in to &NAME station ? Could you let me know please ? Thanks ! Very much looking forward to seeing you ! &NAME Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . SUBJECT: Re : OR DO N'T BOTHER Hi &NAME , Trillian will allow you to access &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , and a few others . You can delete it at any time . It 's a small folder and it 's all self contained so there 's only &NUM thing to delete . &NAME to see you there . &NAME &NAME , &NAME wrote : WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER IF I DO THIS ? WILL I BE ABLE TO ERASE IT WHEN I LEAVE ? WILL IT ALLOW ME TOUSE MESSENGER OR JUST &NAME ? AND WHY CAN I NOT REMEMBER TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK ? Oh dear . &NAME lock is okay , I thought I had said something wrong for a moment . If you 're bored , try trillian ... &WEBSITE It allows you to use &NAME and &NAME ITS has n't blocked it so I use it here . See you , &NAME &NAME , &NAME wrote : WELL . I DO N'T KNOW . AND I HAVE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT CAPS LOCK ON . I WILL FIND OUT IN MY LUNCH BREAK . MY MIND IS &NAME WITH THE BOREDOM . &NAME XX Hi &NAME , It wo n't be baked beans ( I do n't like them ) . Nor will it be fish ( we are having a fortnight of poverty ) . I 'll try and make sure it is n't poisonous . Oh , &NAME emailed me to ask what time you 're getting in to &NAME station ? Could you let me know please ? Thanks ! Very much looking forward to seeing you ! &NAME Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . SUBJECT: Re : OR DO N'T BOTHER Have remembered caps this time . Will try it in 'me lunch " . xxx Hi &NAME , Trillian will allow you to access &NAME , &NAME , &NAME , and a few others . You can delete it at any time . It 's a small folder and it 's all self contained so there 's only &NUM thing to delete . &NAME to see you there . &NAME &NAME , &NAME wrote : WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER IF I DO THIS ? WILL I BE ABLE TO ERASE IT WHEN I LEAVE ? WILL IT ALLOW ME TO USE MESSENGER OR JUST &NAME ? AND WHY CAN I NOT REMEMBER TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK ? Oh dear . CAPS lock is okay , I thought I had said something wrong for a moment . If you 're bored , try trillian ... &WEBSITE It allows you to use &NAME and &NAME ITS has n't blocked it so I use it here . See you , &NAME &NAME , &NAME wrote : WELL . I DO N'T KNOW . AND I HAVE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT CAPS LOCK ON . I WILL FIND OUT IN MY LUNCH BREAK . MY MIND IS &NAME WITH THE BOREDOM . &NAME XX Hi &NAME , It wo n't be baked beans ( I do n't like them ) . Nor will it be fish ( we are having a fortnight of poverty ) . I 'll try and make sure it is n't poisonous . Oh , &NAME emailed me to ask what time you 're getting in to &NAME station ? Could you let me know please ? Thanks ! Very much looking forward to seeing you ! &NAME Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &CHAR are good cooks - discuss Oh dear . &NAME lock is okay , I thought I had said something wrong for a moment . If you 're bored , try trillian ... &WEBSITE It allows you to use &NAME and &NAME ITS has n't blocked it so I use it here . See you , &NAME &NAME , &NAME wrote : WELL . I DO N'T KNOW . AND I HAVE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT CAPS LOCK ON . I WILL FIND OUT IN MY LUNCH BREAK . MY MIND IS &NAME WITH THE BOREDOM . &NAME XX Hi &NAME , It wo n't be baked beans ( I do n't like them ) . Nor will it be fish ( we are having a fortnight of poverty ) . I 'll try and make sure it is n't poisonous . Oh , &NAME emailed me to ask what time you 're getting in to &NAME station ? Could you let me know please ? Thanks ! Very much looking forward to seeing you ! &NAME Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &CHAR are good cooks - discuss &NAME , I ca n't download this at work ! I would be relieved of my kneecaps and wage packet fairly quickly . Oh dear . &NAME lock is okay , I thought I had said something wrong for a moment . If you 're bored , try trillian ... &WEBSITE It allows you to use &NAME and &NAME ITS has n't blocked it so I use it here . See you , &NAME &NAME , &NAME wrote : WELL . I DO N'T KNOW . AND I HAVE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT CAPS LOCK ON . I WILL FIND OUT IN MY LUNCH BREAK . MY MIND IS &NAME WITH THE BOREDOM . &NAME XX Hi &NAME , It wo n't be baked beans ( I do n't like them ) . Nor will it be fish ( we are having a fortnight of poverty ) . I 'll try and make sure it is n't poisonous . Oh , &NAME emailed me to ask what time you 're getting in to &NAME station ? Could you let me know please ? Thanks ! Very much looking forward to seeing you ! &NAME Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . Unless expressly stated to the contrary , the views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of National &NAME &NAME plc or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates ( Group Companies ) , and the Group Companies , their directors , officers and employees make no representation and accept no liability for its accuracy or completeness . This e-mail , and any attachments are strictly confidential and intended for the addressee ( &CHAR ) only . The content may also contain legal , professional or other privileged information . If you are not the intended recipient , please notify the sender immediately and then delete the e-mail and any attachments . You should not disclose , copy or take any action in reliance on this transmission . You may report the matter by calling us on + &NUM ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM . Please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this transmission . The Group Companies do not accept any liability for viruses . An e-mail reply to this address may be subject to monitoring for operational reasons or lawful business practices . SUBJECT: &NAME Investigates Dear &NAME , Sorry I took so long to send you this &SMILEY &NAME your interview on Tuesday was good . Speak soon . &NAME So ... Scene &NUM - &NAME busts the door of a &NAME opium den open , shouting : &NAME : " Och , put yu' rre wee hands up where I can see them , or I 'll blow yu' rre heads off . " Startled stoners stagger to their feet ( Muttering , &NAME , argh , uch , och , ach ) - &NAME spots his man and drags him out by the kilt . Scene &NUM outside in a dingy alleyway Mc &NAME : " &NAME know yu' rre involved in this scam , smuggling-in imitation I ca n't believe it 's not real sheep 's bladder haggises . Who ewe getting them from &NAME , tell me or I 'll feed you to the Lynxs that live in these fields , and the rolling heather . " &NAME ( dumping his kilt ) : " &NAME , &NAME - it 's a chinese man called Wing wong - he 's running them out of &NAME in an imitation &NAME , disguised to look like a tram . " &NAME : " &NAME , that fiend . It 's a cunning disguise - I always knew he 'd be trying to muscle in om my turf , ever since I beat him in tossing the cabre in &NUM all those years ago . By the Sweat of &NAME &NAME I 'll put a stop to him - to be sure , so I will . " Tune-in tomorrow for the next installment ... SUBJECT: [ Fwd : Re : &NAME ] Here you are &NAME ... " The Tales of &NAME " Version &NUM &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME , When you are bored , when you have absolutely nothing to do , when time seems to stand still , I would be grateful if you could add anything to , and correct incorrect details , in this following tale . &CHAR BRIEF HISTORY OF THE ORIGINS AND WAYS OF " QUON " &NUM evening , many many moons ago , when I was sojourning in the room of &NAME , we began to weave a strange and haunting tale ... A strange and haunting tale indeed ... As I inhaled ( a questionable habit ) copious quantities of &NAME 's extra strong coffee powder , I happened to mention a particular Raven I often saw on the roof outside my room . On hearing this , &NAME looked up , slightly startled . I could tell by the piercing look in his left eye that I had stumbled unwittingly upon something worth finding out . Little did I realise how deep the knowledge he carried within himself would affect our lives . cough , before proceeding to tell me that the Raven was , in fact , a messenger . I paused and glanced at him questioningly . The Raven , he continued , was reconnoitring this world of ours on direct orders from the &NAME &NAME Council . I learned that the bird 's name , translated into our tongue , was " &NAME " . This means " Bringer of Comfortable Mattresses " , but that is irrelevant . May I interject that if one were to try to pronounce " &NAME " in the native Ravenish tongue , it would sound something close to this : " &NAME " This however is quite hard to pronounce and so we shorten it to simply " &NAME " . &NAME had journeyed many light years from the Planet of &NAME where war was ravaging his beloved homeland . He had been instructed by the High Council to search for sentient life-forms willing to aid them in their struggle against the vicious , life-sucking " S.N.A.I.L. " sub-species . That is , &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME . These creatures represent a serious threat to the stability of the &CHAR &NAME , where the planet of &NAME exists . Finding himself in the City of &NAME , away from his home world 's air , he immediately took on the guise of the common " raven " , in character with the rest of his species . For indeed , whenever they leave the nitrous oxide filled environment of the Planet of &NAME its inhabitants develop a completely new genetic make-up , transforming them into their second form - a common raven . Second form ? Second effervation I think you 'll find ... Once in &NAME , &NAME headed for the place most likely to contain sentient life - &NAME &NAME 's College . He had read the University prospectus on his journey through the stars and sought out &NUM &NAME &NAME in particular as his sensors indicated a particularly high concentration of " unusual " neural development there . &NAME made his temporary headquarters , or " nest " as the locals called it , in the dense forest canopy to the rear of &NAME 's. Once base contact had been established he began a swift reconnoitre of the area by air . Suddenly a sharp sensation ran through his head . Then , almost imperceptibly slowly , a voice began to form in his brain , words entered his mind and he found himself listening to and communicating with another life-form . This being , he soon discovered , was called " &NAME " and lived at the top of &NUM &NAME &NAME . As the days went by their knowledge of each other grew and &NAME became a frequent visitor to &NAME 's room . He discovered in this human a mutual understanding of celestial physics and stellar thermodynamics . , not to mention inter-dimensional field theory on which &NAME himself was a renowned expert . Indeed , this is how it happened ... So , that brings me to the part of the tale where &NAME confided in me the knowledge of the existence of &NAME . Thereafter , I wished with all my heart to greet this curious emissary face to face . &NAME informed me that I should be able to do this the following morning and told me that the phrase " &NAME " ( I greet the o mighty one ) would be sure to produce an apt response . Indeed , tomorrow morning came , and I did all &NAME had suggested , additionally performing the Universal Greeting towards the bird . this involves lying down on the floor whilst shaking one 's head from side to side &NUM times then nodding it up and down &NUM times , during which time it is most proper to say the other being 's name in their native tongue . As I began to become acquainted with &NAME language became a bit of a problem . However , that particular hurdle was soon crossed as &NAME bestowed my computer with a Universal Translator , enabling perfect understanding between us to occur . Over the weeks my friendship with this strange ambassador has deepened remarkably . &NUM or &NUM curious incidents have taken place , such as the time when &NAME 's feathers turned white , giving him the appearance of a magpie . Upon consultation with &NAME I learned that this was normal behaviour , due to the tri-annual change of gender cycle which &NAME 's species undergo . I would not say that our relationship has always been perfect . Indeed , far from it . &NAME displays irritable tendencies at times and can become quite angry over relatively trivial misdemeanours , such as when I forget to perform the Universal Greeting daily towards him . However , on the whole , he is an absolutely charming fellow , and I hope you have the pleasure of meeting him some day . A quite fantastic tale , and one that deserves telling ... &NAME [ in ] &NAME [ in ] SUBJECT: Re : An email &NAME , Thank you kindly for emailing me with all those fascinating questions . I will endeavour to answer them now : &NUM &NUM So , how is your first week back in &NAME going ? My first week back in &NAME was not spent in &NAME , if you see what I mean . Nor was it spent in the bath , if that 's what you meant . I was away in &NAME at a Christian schools convention , where I judged junior platform events and played the bass guitar with my dad in the evening meetings . ( We did not play the same guitar , in case that 's what you were thinking . ) &NUM &NUM Are you enjoying your job ? I have not started my job yet . That begins on Monday . I spoke to my boss today who has decided to take my first week off in &NAME . I told him I thought that was a bit of a desperate measure - he disagreed . &NUM &NUM Why have n't you emailed me yet ? I site the answer to question &NUM as a possible answer to the above question . &NUM &NUM What time is it ? The time is &NUM : &NUM according to my computer clock . &NUM &NUM Do you like being asked questions ? &NAME , &NAME I suppose so . &NUM &NUM Could you think of as many questions as me ? Almost certainly - for example : How many sheep are there in your house ? How many sheep are there in your garden ? How many sheep are there in your village ? How many sheep are there in your county ? How many sheep are there in &NAME ? I do not expect answers to these questions . I 'm glad to hear you are learning to cook . I also cooked dinner last night , and very nice it was too . You 'll be pleased to learn that I have a 'really useful student cook-book " ! Well , tonight I am going with my family round to a friend 's house for some kind of take-away . It will probably not involve ravens , but I 'm sure it will be nice anyway . See you later &NAME , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME IS DEAD ! ! ! ! ! ! It 's true ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Reports are coming in of sightings of a lifeless Raven , lying below a tree somewhere in &NAME . It seems the Raven in question was attempting some form of strange and twisted communication ritual involving bizarre movements of the head . The word on the street is that this supposed Raven could actually be the one known only as &NAME , an intergalactic ambassador from the &CHAR &NAME . We now turn to our reporter on the scene . ... So , exactly how many reports have we had in. Reporter : Well ... actually not that many . How many ? Reporter : Well ... ummm ... not very many at all really . HOW MANY ? ? ? ? Reporter : Well , actually just the one . Just the one ! ! ! ? ? ? ? ! ! ! Who from . Reporter : The eye-witness was &NUM &NAME &NAME , who appeared to be quite flustered and claimed she had seen the " raven " lying below the tree . She also muttered something about being sick and tired of searching for &NUM . We do not believe this had anything to do with her story however . FOLKS ! ! ! ! ! I am hearing some breaking news . ... WHAT ? ? ? . . ... SURELY NOT ! ! ! ! ! . ... folks , I have just heard from reliable sources that the whole story is a hoax - set up by some poor disillusioned girl from &NAME who lost it somewhere during the search for this remarkable bird . The name " &NAME " has been banded about in relation to the &NAME incident , and some say that the aforementioned persona has had contact with the Raven since the reported 'death " of &NAME . &NUM LIVES ON ! ! ! ! ! ! SUBJECT: It could be YOU &NAME , I hope these accusations regarding &NAME are all scandalous false-hoods . Welcome home ! ! ! ! ( unless you are reading this email on holiday because you found a way to check your account - in which case Have a great holiday ! ! ! ) Speak soon , PB SUBJECT: Re : Secrecy on &NAME 's movements lifted ! &NAME , I do n't know what all this about you getting news about me from &NAME is ! Do n't trust someone who once tried to frame the death of &NAME ! I 'm sure all the things you 've heard are scandalous falsehoods ! Very impressed with the &NAME slide-show . FANTASTIC ! &NAME , with so much work , I do not have time to put together such fascinating documents ! I 'm sure anybody evesdropping on our correspondences would think we had serious psychological problems ! I wonder whether your next project might be to set up a " followers of &NAME " website . &WEBSITE or &WEBSITE or maybe &WEBSITE ( .gal is a galactic domain extension ) or maybe a commercial version &WEBSITE We could be up for making a lot of money here &NAME ! What do you think ? Anyway , we 'll talk soon . Later , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME ? How dare you ! Yeah , hi &NAME . &NAME so long ! Some of us have work to do you know ( only joking ) . Just &NUM weeks to go for me now ! ! ! ! ! ! ! &NAME ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! It has been quite a long haul , but I 'm really glad I 've done it . Who knows what doors it will open in the future as well . &NAME is good like that . Today my brother and I drove back to the house we used to live in &NUM years ago . We met some of our old neighbours , who at first asked us if we were lost , and then when we told them who we were they ahhhed and oohhhed , and then invited us in for a drink . We have not seen them for &NUM years ! It was really great . My new sound module sounds great . I 've got some excellent piano sounds - thought you might be pleased to know that . So , I hope your one-day-a-week job is not taxing you too much &NAME . Listen , do n't tire yourself working so much - it 's just not worth it . Anyway , enough of the sarcasm . &NAME all is well . We must talk about flat stuff soon . Large it &NAME , PB &NAME Oh , by the way , I would treat reports of &NAME frying ravens ( or whatever it was ) with very great suspicion . Let us not forget that she has attempted to trick us in the past ( and failed ) and very likely will try again . I 'm sure if there was any danger to &NAME himself , his ambassadors would have her eliminated before you could say " &NAME 's claw " . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME , OK , here 's the deal . &NAME &NAME Signal Processing , meaning that you can add effects like reverb and chorus to the sounds ( pianos , guitars , etc. .. ) &NAME Musical Instrument &NAME &NAME ( or something like that ! ) . This means that you can link an instrument with &NAME to other instruments or devices such as the computer . This is how I do my computer based recording using the keyboard . I would suggest that for future use , &NAME is probably vital . I am surprised that the &NAME keyboard does not have &NAME , but I suppose that is why it is so cheap , as otherwise it sounds superior to the Casio . Any further questions let me know ! &NAME SUBJECT: Is n't it just so great Sir &NAME , In regards to the flat stuff : I think we will have enough saucepans . I am bringing a couple of tiny &NUM , but I think &NAME has some as well , and maybe &NAME or &NAME . &NAME knives . Hmmmm. Do n't think I 've got any at the moment . I have n't got any spare rugs unfortunately . I can confirm that I am indeed bringing : &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME The countdown continues , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Analysis of Welcome Poem This is a work of true genius &NAME - the product of a wildly overactive mind . &CHAR &NAME &NAME wrote : &CHAR COMPLEX LITERARY ANALYSIS OF THE HISTORIC WELCOME POEM ( WRITTEN BY HIS LORDSHIP ) BY A WORTHY FOLLOWER OF THE VENERABLE &NAME . &NAME Dear Flat people , I was so overwhelmed by the depth of hidden feeling , knowledge and purpose in &NAME 's poem that I felt I really must pass on this exposition of it To my flat mates of joy , [ Reference to this ( infinitesimal ) hypothetical temporal state of being on seeing &NAME . ] Say I , &NAME oh boy ! [ Origin unknown , possibly Canadian . Generally excepted as an exultation of glory to the male members of the flat . ( I.e. &NAME and &NAME ) This has been unsuccessfully disputed in recent years by followers of &NAME and &NAME . ] What fun we shall have as a &NUM ! [ &NAME approach to flat life , giving evidence to the view that dictators always start out like this . It is a little known fact that the term &NUM probably does not refer to the &NUM flat people , but may in fact be of anglo- canadian origin and mean group of &NUM slaves controlled by red-haired pseudo- deity . ] Will we not be cooking [ Earlier manuscripts substitute we and will , giving a more likely rendition of the text ] Fried RICE and looking [ Delusional reference to the mythical idea that students eat &NAME . Many treatises were written on this subject by the venerable &NAME &NAME . His authoritative writings still draw many followers . ] for chicken of suitable size ? [ Reference to expensive organic chicken usually smaller and therefore more difficult to find . Very popular with the revered flat people . ] Till we next meet then , [ &NAME anticipation of friendship , the author reveals his deep-felt need for companionship . Linked with the frailty of human emotion syndrome as studied by &NAME of the &NAME &NAME medical research labs . ] &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME &NAME , [ Here each of the author 's flat mates is personified as a well-known clock &NUM ) &NAME . An anagram of the V.G.A. clock ( &NAME Germ-free Apartment ) . Thought to pertain to the author 's ideal state of being for the coming year . &NUM ) &NAME The &NAME &NAME is often found in anthills . Its source of power is unknown , but it appears to work reasonably accurately . It comes with a built- in television . &NUM ) &NAME . There is no such clock , thereby giving great support to the popular view that the original spelling was N2o . This would then correlate with the well known laughing clocks of eastern &NAME . ( N2O is the chemical symbol for nitrous oxide more commonly known as laughing gas . ) &NUM ) &NAME . Likened to &NAME &NAME in &NAME , this shows the authors feelings regarding the permanency of &NAME , his unwavering tick-tock Some authorities use this reference to introduce the deity of &NAME , but we refute that , giving &NAME the credit . ] I wish you the best of the prize . [ Curiously , here the author appears to be wishing for his friends to enjoy his presence while he is absent . This seemingly contradictory statement actually makes perfect sense if the reader interprets the merit of the author 's presence inversely from that which is portrayed . However , scholars struggle over this version as it is generally thought His Lordship was very well liked by his colleagues . A dilemma for the modern mind to puzzle over if ever there was one . The venerable &NAME &NAME put it down to grammatical errors , but this proved highly unpopular with the &NAME ( Pro &NAME &NAME ) groups of his day , leading to his untimely martyrdom . ] What prize is this ? I hear you say , [ Figurative language appertaining to the gift of friendship . Fundamentalist followers of His Lordship often claim that he could actually hear his friends questioning remarks over hundreds of miles . This cannot be refuted strongly enough as current opinion states that His Lordship was definitely not divine . Some may argue that early engravings of the renowned flat person glow with a radiance of their own , but we attribute this to their being discovered in close proximity to radioactive surroundings &NAME &NAME 's &NAME ] Of which his lordship speaks today [ Allusion to the means of communication employed by the author to deliver his poem . Many beautiful words have been written on this proverbial verse of verses , highlighting the individuality of text . The appearance of living words are starkly contrasted by the citation of the author 's pseudo-title his lordship , denoting grim and lofty determination . However , the non-inclusion of capital letters in the name suggests a glimmer of recognition that mortality may have reached the author . Death comes to all . ] Why , tis living with me , of course ! [ False egoism , of which the author is prone . Also can be interpreted that the gift of friendship is living inside the author , or , for that matter , any gift . Could this possibly be another hidden allusion to the author 's brevity of existence ? The venerable &NAME &NAME was of that opinion . ] ( &NAME &NAME , &NAME ! ) [ Probably the author 's original comments . These words have become timelessly enshrined as the Pro &NAME &NAME benediction . &NAME squawk loudly while chanting in solemn Canadian monotones &NAME &NAME , &NAME many times over . This practice is outlawed in &NUM states due to the subtle machinations of the Venerable &NAME &NAME &NAME Group . These worthy individuals have taken it upon themselves to ensure the Welcome Poem is passed down through the generations in all purity and with the highest appreciation of purpose . ] SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME , I HAVE FINISHED WORK ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Thanks for your little message . I was much amused and immediately summoned my brother to show him ! I just do n't know what 's got into &NAME - she used to be so harmless and seemingly docile . Oh well , I suppose it just goes to show that the only person you can trust is a potato . So , I assume you are well &NAME . My phone has broken - it now rings at about &NUM / &NUM rd the volume that it used to , so I ca n't hear it . But there is a service centre in &NAME , where they should be able to fix it for free ! &NAME ! See you soon , PB SUBJECT: &NAME People , A joke for you : A school was having real problems keeping the boys out of the girls toilets , so they decided to take further measures . They got all the boys together and sat them down before telling them : if you are caught in the girls toilet it will be £ &NUM the first time , £ &NUM the second time ... then one of the boys raised his hand and interrupted , saying , 'Sir , how much for a season ticket ? " &NAME or what ? &NAME , what do you think of Glyco-nutrient supplements ? I am thinking of taking them . See ya " &CHAR SUBJECT: An email Hi &NAME , So , how is your first week back in &NAME going ? Are you enjoying your job ? What do you do all day ? Why have n't you emailed me yet ? Are you well ? What time is it ? Do you like being asked questions ? Could you think of as many questions as me ? I could n't. My first week in bonny &NAME is proceeding okay . The scenery is pleasant , but it 's surprisingly chilly ! I 'm must have become too used to the hot weather in &NAME that I think normal is cold ! I have been tidying and organising my room , books , academic work , computer files , etc. I 've organised , re-organised , and cleaned up my computer goodness knows how many times . Just kidding actually , I 've only done it a few times seriously ! &NAME ha ha ! sorry , I just laughed out loud . I suddenly thought about &NAME punting on the river with some innocent tourists in tow , then suddenly scaring them senseless by jumping up and down , flapping his arms , and croaking like a demented raven . &NAME has a lot to answer for ! Every time I see a crow here ( and there are LOTS around here ! ) I think could you be &NAME ? ( Not really seriously ) I saw a whole flock of crows yesterday while I was out a bike ride the intergalactic advance party for the invasion of the Scottish Borders . Well , obviously do n't you agree ? I 've been learning to cook . So far I have made the dinner most days since I got back . It is quite an interesting experience . I also did the shopping myself today . ( &NAME in voice of five-year-old who proudly announces the achievement of some minor feat . ) I shall be perfectly adapted to flat life by the end of the &NAME . Incidentally , what about stuffed raven with nuts and garlic as a flat delicacy next term . ( I did n't say that ! Please do n't tell &NAME . I beg of you I mighty emissary ! ) I will end with the following quote from the ITS booklet Computing at &NAME . Do n't tell me you have n't read it ! I 'm amazed ! Utterly confounded ! Bemused , confused , and finally , shocked ! Section &NUM ; Never forget that the person on the other end is human ( &NAME ! ) It is easy to misinterpret a message without the voice inflections of face- to-face communication . I quite agree . Email has its limitations ! However , that should n't prevent you from writing a long reply ! Your sincere friend and flat-mate , &NAME [ in ] ( &NAME Is &NAME ! ) &NUM words SUBJECT: Sheep ? &NAME , Nor was it spent in the bath , if that 's what you meant We did not play the same guitar , in case that 's what you were thinking If you keep writing funny things like those I shall run out of wit . Now , before continuing on towards the main body of this epistle , I would humbly and fervently beg of you to please use &NUM spaces between your sentences . This one-space-hooliganism is driving my sentence-construction-neurosis to distraction . Thank you , &CHAR grammatical prince . ( &NAME ) Now , do you really think you can put me off answering the questions about sheep ? ! I 'm just itching to have a go ; How many sheep are there in your house ? None . Animals are nor welcome in my abode , even sheep . How many sheep are there in your garden ? Once again , none , usually . You see , since our garden is literally a ploughed field ( tractor and plough came last week ) there is no motivation for sheep to grace it with their presence . Oh well , we shall soon plant a nice lawn for them . How many sheep are there in your village ? I do not live in a village . I live in the COUNTRY . I.e. no nasty unhygienic people in close proximity abiding . I live surrounded by fields , some of which contain sheep , &NUM , grass , and other natural produce of the Scottish Borders agricultural system . I have never taken the time to count the sheep , just the &NUM , and therefore &NUM cannot give you an exact figure . &NAME . Will this ruin your life for good ? How many sheep are there in your county ? Check the internet . I would n't like to hazard a guess . I might be gloriously and utterly wrong . How many sheep are there in &NAME ? Multiply the population of &NAME by the number of people in &NAME divided by the number of daffodils in &NAME . The sheep , as well put by a young foreign guest of our family last summer is , after all , the national hero . There is a statue of him in a quaint southern Scottish town that 's what prompted this epitaph . I also cooked dinner last night , and very nice it was too . You 'll be pleased to learn that I have a 'really useful student cook-book " ! &NAME , well , good , what do you use it for ? &NAME , but &NAME has been informing me of your cookery skills &NAME 's comments on flat cooking to &NAME ; Glad to hear about your cooking ; now there 's one of us who can cook ( do n't trust &NAME and &NAME 's cooking , do n't trust &NAME 's methods of cooking , tend to be of the " What 's this ? How interesting ! I 'll put that in , then " variety ) . I thought that was highly amusing . Now , I am going to be a leader at an Scripture &NAME camp in a weeks time . This morning I discovered that someone from &NAME 's is going on the very same camp ! Not only that , but she was in my bible study group last year ! It 's &NAME . Is n't that amazing ? ! Well , this morning I 've been filling holes in wood with wood filler , while listening to Shine , &NAME , &NAME . &CHAR lovely monotonous job . This afternoon I went on a trip to a garden centre , after which I returned to prepare dinner . I made something with chicken this evening ( for the meal ) . Incidentally , have you heard from &NAME by email at all ? &NAME could n't understand why he did n't reply to her . I do n't think she knew it was his dad 's e-mail address she was sending to . Totally out of the blue , do n't you think &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME is simply delirious ? I 'm listening to it at this moment in time . &NAME and utter joy perhaps even eclipsing water ! Well , since I 've started talking of water again , I shall stop . It is my self-regulating signal that I have nothing of any further interest to say . So , adieu , for this evening . &NAME [ o] [ in] [ whatever really ! ] ( &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ! Fill this land with the Father 's glory ! ) SUBJECT: &NAME SIGHTED IN TREE News is fast coming in of a reported sighting of &NAME , the raven who doubles as an intergalactic emissary . An eye-witness source confirmed the sighting to our special reporter . Here are the latest details in this developing situation Date of sighting : Saturday 8th July &NUM &NAME : In a tree near &NAME &NAME is a little known area in &NAME 's national park . Exact location : &NAME : 54 &NUM ; &NUM &NUM &NAME &NAME : 1 &NUM ; &NUM &NUM &NAME Our eye-witness source is a &NAME &NAME from &NAME . Appearing rather bemused she told our reporter she was convinced that I saw him , later making the omission that I may be entirely wrong : it may not have been &NAME who I saw . Her fascinating ideas on the reason for &NAME to be so far north are as follows ; I am sure that he has got wind of the fact that &NAME is now stationed in &NAME , and he was on his way there . As the raven flies , &NAME is directly midway between &NAME and &NAME 's home . Is this just a stunning coincidence ? When we asked &NAME to comment he retorted sardonically that Any idea that he is making his way to see me is pure speculation and I really cannot comment on what seems a rather absurd notion . &NAME 's immediate response to this unveiled attack on her sanity is unprintable . However , she did later make the following public statement , I have a programme whereby you can distort photos and make people 's noses and ears bigger or whatever you fancy . When questioned further , she just smiled in an unsettling kind of way . Our editor wisely noted that there could be trouble ahead here . &NAME 's account of &NAME 's behaviour shed 's little light on the situation ; He was so evidently grumpy ( squawking &NAME and viciously attacking the surrounding tree branches ) that I can only assume that his tracking devices are causing problems for him . ( &NAME is a technical term . ) What could have made &NAME so mad ? Is &NAME telling the whole truth or hiding some vital information ? &NAME suggested that You may have to resort to contacting &NAME &NAME ( DIFFERENT is spelled R.I.G.H.T. ) about it so that he can telepathically communicate with &NAME and put him back on the right course . A very good idea and one which we are following up as you read . However , there is only &NUM person who can tell us what we need to know , and that 's &NAME but where is &NAME ? &NAME is heading the section detailed to locate the renegade raven . We asked her what her strategy was for finding The Emissary . Her spokesman said she has her whole family looking out for a dumb-looking raven . &CHAR leaked report from &NAME 's &NAME &NAME Ltd. later informed us that he had been subsequently sacked for dissing the undefiled name of &NAME , pending an official investigation by the &NAME &NAME Council . We will keep you updated in this important state of affairs . Remember , keep your eyes open for &NAME . All sightings should be reported to the official Hunt for &NAME &NAME &NAME . Telephone number &NUM &NUM &NUM . Please ask for &NAME before describing you sighting in detail to those of the establishment without the required security clearance . Thank you . SUBJECT: My Vision &NAME , How is my Scottish friend ? Who ! ? What ? ! Where ? ! When ? ! Most importantly why ? Actually , I am fine . I 've just returned from my camp . It was fantastic , although I am absolutely totally mind-numbingly exhausted . I only got &NUM hours of sleep per night for the week . Sleeping in a dormitory with &NUM hyperactive unnaturally energetic ten-year old kids has many disadvantages . However , I really enjoyed it all and the weather was perfectly splendid . I knew a few people before I got there and knew a lot more by the time I left . I was in &NAME &NAME yesterday ( not to see the golf , but to get a kettle ) and it was totally packed because of the Open . I have just received a disconcertingly strange e-mail from &NAME about her bikini . I was absolutely disgusted . Are you on holiday ? Hmmm. That 's a difficult one . Considering term finished on the 30th June and does n't start again until October Yes ! I 'm going to &NAME on Saturday though and looking forward to it all except the heat , the flight and the language difficulties . I only speak Scottish and English . Oh well ! It will be an experience I am sure ! I hope your work is going well and you are coping with the lack of spare time which you seem to have . Considering I have n't stopped for literally more than &NUM minutes in the last week I can empathise with you considerably . I just cannot understand how &NAME can do one of those camps this &NAME ! She ca n't be human . Now , on to business &NAME ! ! ! What ! ! ! &NAME is dead ! ! ! Oh , thank goodness , it 's just a hoax ! That had be badly shaken for a moment there . Do I take it rightly then ? - that &NAME has performed an elaborate hoax by staging the death of &NAME ? Just wait till I see her . I am most displeased . I arranged a legally binding contract with &NAME 's &NAME &NAME Ltd. I am not about to take this lying down . &NAME , old chap , would you send me the transcripts from the reporter who interviewed &NAME please ? I need some solid evidence to pursue my vendetta . some poor disillusioned girl from &NAME who lost it Enough of the sympathy ! This is serious now . &NAME appeared to me in a dream last night . ( I had eaten some cheese the night before ) Here is what I can remember of my dream As I slept , I saw a hazy black object speeding across a seemingly huge expanse of silvery grey sky . As I watched , the object began to grow in size and became darker and blacker than the deepest hole or cave you can imagine . What appeared to be stars began to spiral towards the object until there were so many that they flowed into it in the likeness of a milky river glistening with hundreds and thousands of precious stones . Then the scene changed suddenly . I was standing on the top of a huge mountain , overlooking a city which I recognised . As I watched , an arrow of flaming fire appeared from the north and sped down into the heart of the city . Sounds of wailing and moaning reached my ears as the entire city was consumed . The scene changed once again . I found myself standing on the banks of a cool shallow river . On the opposite bank a shadowy figure was lurking . I called on him in clear and ringing tones to show himself . He wore darkness as a cloak and his face was more alive looking than any I had ever beheld . He was a raven . He spoke to me in a language I did not understand , using words &NUM cannot remember . However , I understood his message . His face began to swim before me - I could see cities , kings and nations in his eyes . Then all was black . The dream is interpreted as follows In the opening scene we see &NAME winging his way across the hiajfhboj , which is the equivalent of the lowlands in his home planet of &NAME sometimes described as Planet of the &NAME . The increase in &NAME 's size correlates to his flourishing knowledge of the ways of men . His similarity to a black hole emphasises the idea persistent in Siluhfodascian literature that they alone will &NUM day know everything , that there shall be no end to their knowledge and dominion . The river of stars represent those who oppress and defy &NAME , his people , the &NAME , and their ways . Many are those , bright perhaps in their own way , but ultimately consumed . This scene represents the power and majesty of the &NAME . The second scene portrays the judgement on those who diss &NAME . The city represents &NAME and the judgement upon &NAME for staging &NAME 's death is inevitable . The arrow from the north is &NAME , stationed as he is in some secret location near my abode . This scene represents the terror and judgement of the &NAME . In the final scene the river portrays the uncrossable divide between the land of men and the &NAME . No man can ever set foot in &NAME perhaps this is just as well . The raven is a picture of &NAME 's people . Their knowledge and antiquity burning bright but cloaked from us by vast distances in time and space . &NAME thought as a means of communication is briefly referred to here . The sudden end of the dream suggests a hint of what lies in the future for &NAME . Could they be trying to pass on some of their ways and dominion to us as their time runs out . This scene represents the personality and communicativeness of the &NAME . Thank you . Make of that what you will , but it 's message is startlingly clear to me . I fear it came as a warning against us becoming to familiar with &NAME as to stage elaborate hoaxes . Enough , no more , tis not as much as it was before - &NAME . The name &NAME has been banded about in relation to the &NAME incident , and some say that the aforementioned persona has had contact with the Raven since the reported 'death " of &NAME . Quite true . He followed me to &NAME camp . He observed me playing frisbee golf and football , was concealed in a tree as I was soaked with water by ten-year olds , peered through my dorm window as I caught some brief sleep . Yes , I have had contact with &NAME , not to mention my dream . Yours in &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: Who , me ? ? ? Hi &NAME , Did you get my text messages ? Cool ! What did you think of &NAME 's Voyager leaflet ? Cool ! What did you think of &NAME 's e-mail about &NAME ? Scandalous ! Anyway , as you may have guessed , I went down to see the flat yesterday . I had a great day and saw &NAME too . I think the bedrooms all need a coat of paint . The rest of the flat is optional . We have acquired ( do n't ask me how ! ) an ironing board and a TV table which are not in the official inventory . There were no letters for you in the post box . Have we decided finally on bedroom allocation ? If it 's what I think it is then &NAME 's smells of smoke . Most of the curtains do n't match . In the living area there are &NUM darkish blue &NUM seater settees . The fridge has a minor defect . We have a telephone socket ! ! ! It 's in the hall and there is a telephone ( extremely old , disgusting , dirty , unhygienic , will be disposed of as soon as I remember the rubber gloves type ) but the line is not connected . The little intercom system with the front door is fun ! &NAME and I played around with it for a while . We need air freshener musty smell in most areas . No bed linen , duvets , pillows etc. are provided . There are no headboards on the beds , which are thick metal and extremely ugly I 'll be bringing a valance . The toilet makes a noise like an aeroplane taking off . ( At least it 's not an elephant trumpeting this year ! ) The windows are quite nice . There is a cool little spy-hole in the flat door &NAME and I played with that too . The flat address is ; &NAME &CHAR , &NAME &NAME 's &NAME , &NAME , &NAME 4DS . The electricity works by a meter . There is an electronic key which must be taken down to a power shop and recharged in return for money . There is £ &NUM left in our meter . Most flats use £ &NUM per week , so we 're rather lucky . We also went to College in search of &NAME 's shirts . &NUM is basically a builder 's yard ! The floors are up , etc Unfortunately we could n't find the shirts , but they may be in a lock-up so do n't give up hope yet ! I also went to the NatWest bank and enquired about flat accounts . &NAME . We shall need to discuss that nearer the time . Basically we need &NUM other person to operate it . Anyway , I 'm off on holiday early Saturday morning . E-mail silence for nearly &NUM weeks how awful ! Hope your job is going well . Hope your family is well . Will hear from you soon hopefully . Yours in the &NAME &NAME , &NAME ( Remember that ! ) SUBJECT: Q. I hope you do n't have the cheek to pick this up before you get home My most humble apologies I mighty one . I cannot account for the strange and prolific effervations exhibited by &NAME at the moment . What ! ! ! Tell me more ! I had no idea ! Well &NAME , I had a marvellous holiday . I will let you see my holiday snaps when they are developed they will be quite different from normal photos , mark my words . Anyway , that is something for you to anticipate joyously . &NAME to hear from you the day before yesterday . Incidentally , the temperature while I was phoning was &NUM degrees in the shade . Needless to say , I was not in the shade . I have acquired some French and Swiss recipes , with a prolific use of garlic in them . I hope you get my postcard soon . &NAME is deliciously cool ! Have you heard about the abominable mess the Scottish exam results are in incompetence ! Anyway , I think I shall do some developing this afternoon . &NAME this is so short an email , but I am waiting until later before I give you the news of &NAME . You are being kept in suspense . See you , &NAME &NAME &NAME what does &NAME know about &NAME ? ? ? She told me that frankly these sick perversions disgust me . ? ? ? Yours worriedly , &NAME . SUBJECT: &NAME ? Hi &NAME , Just wondering if you 're ... alive ? Still sentient ? Let me know at your convenience . Thank you , &NAME ( We had an absolutely horrendous lightening storm this morning . It cut the power here . I bet you 're glad you 're not on holiday in &NAME like &NAME ! ) SUBJECT: &NAME and &NAME &NAME ! Hi there ! Glad you 've finished work , you are no doubt relieved . Well , &NAME nutrient supplements ! I 've never heard of them . However , in general I think taking vitamin supplements is a good idea and has a positive effect on a person 's health . I think I 'll have to try and start to take iron supplements , as I often tend to approach blackout when I stand up . Our foods these days do not contain what they should do . At any rate , if what I fear flat cooking will be like is true , I would definitely take them . I myself take a nutritional health drink most mornings . Anyway , this flat stuff is just chaos . I ask you , does anyone actually read the e-mails I send them ? ! When I write things like please make your views known to the collective in bold capital letters , you 'd think they 'd realise I was trying to get a message across ! &NAME has been conjuring up more devious anti-Quon propaganda . Here is a sample of her latest gossip Oh , I saw &NAME the other day , and you wo n't believe what he was up to ! We were eating our picnic [ & ] I saw &NAME fly past . He made as if he was going to land on the grass beside our car , and suddenly lunged to the left towards an unsuspecting seagull and proceeded to maul it Good old &NAME ! He was good enough to let his victim fly away though - so he did n't absolutely kill it . We really must take her to task ! This is becoming an obsession with her . Do you think she is working for some dark and sinister anti-Quon league ? Send me your wisdom and thoughts on the matter . I hope your phone gets fixed . Anyway , write back soon , as e-mails are the highlights of my life ! By the way , &NAME also seems to think she is a member of the canine species SUBJECT: Keyboards Hi &NAME , Well , I am having difficulty choosing between &NUM keyboards . Perhaps you will be able to help me out &NAME &NAME &NUM &NAME &NAME ; No of &NAME : &NUM &NUM Polyphonic Notes : &NUM &NUM Sounds : &NUM &NUM Rhythms : &NUM &NUM Track / &NAME &NAME : &NUM &NUM / &NUM &NAME &NAME : &NUM &NUM &NAME : Yes Yes &NAME Speaker : Yes Yes &NAME &NAME : Yes Yes &NAME NO Yes Touch &NAME : Yes Yes &NAME &NAME : Yes Yes &NAME : Yes Yes &NAME &NAME : Yes Yes &NAME : £ &NUM £ &NUM Now , do you know what &NAME is ? Is &NAME important , and what is it ? Are track / song memories important ? What are polyphonic notes are they important ? Is the number of sounds important ? I.e. Would a slightly less expensive model be a lot worse than these ? Thanks for your anticipated help ! Please let me know a.s.a.p. if possible , as I have to buy it tomorrow or Wednesday ! Also , would you be interested in bringing KITCHEN SCISSORS , and DUSTERS to the flat as &NAME forgot them ? Also if you have a TOASTER , &NAME forgot that too ! This would be very helpful . See you soon , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Dear &NAME , Hi . It was great to see you and everyone else in &NAME . We never got around to discussing prayer and bible study as an integral part of flat life . Perhaps we should ? Am I correct in assuming that we are taking the following rooms ? &NUM &NAME , &NUM &NAME , &NUM &NAME , &NUM &NAME , &NUM &NAME . If not , please tell me . I am able to bring &NUM pull-cords for the lights in the bathroom and toilet . I hope this is agreeable . The current &NUM are forbidden by department of environmental health legislation . And no , before you ask , I did n't check . Oh , I am looking forward to living in this flat . Do you have any ideas for the name which should appear on our cheque book ? ( It 's top priority decisions like these which we need to sort out immediately . ) Did we definitely decide the stuffed moose 's head was impossible ? I think it would look imposing . Please write me an interesting reply . Thanks , &NAME &NAME I have absolutely no desire to become the youngest ever chief executive of &NAME Inc. I am a chemist . SUBJECT: [ Fwd : Something to cheer you up ] The next president of the &NAME ... " If we do n't succeed , we run the risk of failure . " ... &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " &NUM word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor , and that &NUM word is " to be prepared " . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. , &NUM / &NUM " I have made good judgments in the past . I have made good judgments in the future . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " The future will be better tomorrow . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " I stand by all the misstatements that I 've made . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. to &NAME &NAME , &NUM / &NUM / &NUM " When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA , my answer has been direct & simple : Who is to blame for the riots ? The rioters are to blame . Who is to blame for the killings ? The killers are to blame . ... &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " We have a firm commitment to &NAME , we are a part of &NAME . We have a firm commitment to &NAME . We are a part of &NAME . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " It is n't pollution that 's harming the environment . It 's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " Welcome to Mrs. &NAME , and my fellow astronauts . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. &NAME is essentially in the same orbit ... &NAME is somewhat the same distance from the &NAME , which is very important . We have seen pictures where there are canals , we believe , and water . If there is water , that means there is oxygen . If oxygen , that means we can breathe . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. , &NUM / &NUM / &NUM " The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation 's history . I mean in this century 's history . But we all lived in this century . I did n't live in this century . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. , &NUM / &NUM / &NUM " I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. , &NUM / &NUM / &NUM " Verbosity leads to unclear , inarticulate things . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. , &NUM / &NUM / &NUM " We 're going to have the best educated American people in the world . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. , &NUM / &NUM / &NUM " People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " I am not part of the problem . I am a Republican " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. , &NUM / &NUM / &NUM " We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. , &NUM / &NUM / &NUM " For NASA , space is still a high priority . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. , &NUM / &NUM " Quite frankly , teachers are the only profession that teach our children . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. , &NUM / &NUM / &NUM " The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that &NAME &NAME may or may not make . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " We 're all capable of mistakes , but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " [ It 's] time for the human race to enter the solar system . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. " Public speaking is very easy . " ... Governor &NAME &NAME &NAME , Jr. to reporters mailto : &EMAIL Address : &NUM &NAME &NAME , &NAME , DH1 1JW &NAME : ( &NUM ) &NUM &NUM The address &EMAIL is a restricted mailing list : you cannot send to it . SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME GET YOUR COPY OF " &NAME &NUM " &NUM GREAT SHOTS OF EVERYONE 'S FAVOURITE MODEL FOR EVERY MONTH OF THE YEAR . &NAME , I hope you are " keeping on moving " . See ya , &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : " &NAME &NUM " Dear &NAME &NAME , I regret to inform you that " &NAME &NUM " is currently out of print due to excessive demand . Since the year is drawing to an end it is unlikely that there will be a 6th reprint . However , I invite you to reserve your copy of " &NAME &NUM " - a new and exciting venture which we are now promoting . The calendar is expected to be ready for publication in mid-December , so avoid the Christmas rush and book your copy today ! Yours faithfully , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " Customer Services &NAME &NAME " &NAME &NAME " inc . &NUM ( " &NAME &NAME " and " &NAME &NAME " are registered trademarks of " &NAME &NAME " inc . Reproduction of these terms is prohibited by &NAME , under the &NUM &NAME Descriptions Act , section &NUM ) SUBJECT: Re : " &NAME &NUM " Many thanks sir , You can be assured I will be ordering in bulk within the next week . Sincerely , Mr. &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME &NAME , I regret to inform you that " &NAME &NUM " is currently out of print due to excessive demand . Since the year is drawing to an end it is unlikely that there will be a 6th reprint . However , I invite you to reserve your copy of " &NAME &NUM " - a new and exciting venture which we are now promoting . The calendar is expected to be ready for publication in mid-December , so avoid the Christmas rush and book your copy today ! Yours faithfully , &NAME " &NAME &NAME " Customer Services &NAME &NAME " &NAME &NAME " inc . &NUM ( " &NAME &NAME " and " &NAME &NAME " are registered trademarks of " &NAME &NAME " inc . Reproduction of these terms is prohibited by &NAME , under the &NUM &NAME Descriptions Act , section &NUM ) SUBJECT: &CHAR / end &NAME , Have a fab weekend ! Make sure you spend at least half of it in the bath ! Looking foward to celebrating your birthday on Sunday . Bye Mr. &NAME &NAME I tilt my head slightly and to the side , and smile in a benign manner whilst half-closing my eyes . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME ? &NAME , I will be at my Grandparent 's house , but they are on the inet , so I 'll try and be there . See ya &CHAR Dear &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME , I would like to ask if you would mind not chatting tomorrow evening ( Sunday ) until &NAME , as I will be atchurch from 6pm . I hope this is coinvenient let me know if it is not . Still 'marshallbees chatroom . However , it would be much better if you could all get netscape instant &NAME ( &WEBSITE ) by then . I 've got it now and it only took about &NUM minutes to get and download . It is really cool and can do wonderful things . If we all got it then we could chat on it . However , until then 'marshallbees , Sunday , 8pm . See you then , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME ! ! ! &NAME , My sister is in love with you . &NAME , she 's not . Anyway , I 'm glad you are wallpapering . It will do you good to get that messy paste all over your baby-smooth hands ! I 've been away for the last few days visiting my friend &NAME in &NAME ( you might remember him ) . I had a GREAT time and it was not at all ridiculous ! Apart from the fact that I missed my train on the way home , and thus had to buy another ticket - quite painful - and that meant that I missed my football match today - significantly unimpressive . My computer science revision work is fairly boring , especially software engineering - I just do n't want to learn about requirements engineering - I just DO N'T! Anyway - speak soon . &CHAR &NAME , I am NOT AMUSED ! ! Just how many people has " &NAME shown that picture to ? Revenge is sweet &NAME &NAME and I am a master of it . Anyway , I hope &NAME is favourable to &NAME . " I can imagine your family standing on the highlands in the freezing drizzle , clad in your family kilts , lustily singing in the dawn on New Year 's day . Or have I got slightly the wrong impression ? - Yes , you 've got slightly the wrong impression ! Keep working at the multi-tasking . Now &NAME , thanks for the pictures which you sent me . However , I asked for one where you looked " pensive not " evil . Any more would be appreciated. ( ! ) So , what have you been up to in the past few days ? Are you settling down into your new home ? Today I am wallpapering . It is very boring ! Yesterday I was working , which was quite good fun . I saw your 'Savage Garden &NAME &NAME advertised on television last night . Anyway , the chemistry is going pretty well how is computer science ? &NAME &NAME I tilt my head slightly and to the side , and smile in a benign manner whilst half-closing my eyes . &NAME &NAME and I wish to invite you and &NAME to chat online Sunday at 6pm . SUBJECT: You 've obviously passed Warp &NUM ! &NAME ! ! ! Hi , I 'm well . " Am I bored ? Well , probably not , although I 'm rather lazy . I 've not done as much Chemistry as I could have . No , I most certainly am not revising my quantum mechanics ! ( Yet ! ) That would make me disillusioned for the entire holiday . So , you 're in a new house ! Well , anything is bound to be 'relatively tiny after &NUM rooms ! Yes , I hope your room will be alright too . When you ask me to say hi to " everyone , to whom are you referring ? By the way , I 've just finished watching " Voyager on the television . Did you see it ? If you did , then I 'll just say that living with you if you had passed warp &NUM would n't be very different than reality just kidding ! So , what are you up too ? Are you sharing a bedroom in your new house ? How is &NAME ? &NAME is in good health , thanks to your restorative makeover on Saturday . Are your nails still that " hideous shade of colour ? Well , &NAME , I was wondering if you had any pictures of yourself which you could e-mail me . You see , I 'm looking for one of you with a condescending gaze , and also &NUM where you have your hands raised up , expounding some theory or suchlike . Can you help ? Well , I hope you 're " keeping moving on . &NAME feels very isolated up here . Tell me , does it feel isolated living in the deep south , where most other people live ? I have trouble imagining that it can ! Have you heard from anyone else whom I know yet ? Well , I 'm trying to study as much as I can psychologically cope with , but I 'm going to be working in my dad 's bookshop tomorrow and Friday this week . That should give me a welcome break from the hallowed halls of chemistry . I 'm going to be spending the New Year up in the Scottish Highlands &NAME , and may possibly be going skiing . Last time I skied I fell over . I was about &NUM . I did n't much care for it and have never been back since . I hope I do n't fall down this time as it would be infinitely more embarrassing ! Anyway , I am also looking forward to going on the internet much more as we are changing our &NAME to one which provides a totally free service ntl . Tell me , does &NAME have netscape instant messenger service ? &NAME is thinking of downloading it . ( She has SUCH a mind of her own ! ) I hope you and your family are all well in your new home . I 'm really looking forward to receiving your amusing e-mail ! &NAME &NAME I tilt my head slightly and to the side , and smile in a benign manner whilst half-closing my eyes . SUBJECT: CHAT ! ! ! &NAME , &NAME and I are in &NAME chat - chatroom 'marshallbees " Join us if you can . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME ! ! ! &NAME , I am NOT AMUSED ! ! Just how many people has " &NAME shown that picture to ? Revenge is sweet &NAME &NAME and I am a master of it . Anyway , I hope &NAME is favourable to &NAME . " I can imagine your family standing on the highlands in the freezing drizzle , clad in your family kilts , lustily singing in the dawn on New Year 's day . Or have I got slightly the wrong impression ? - Yes , you 've got slightly the wrong impression ! Keep working at the multi-tasking . Now &NAME , thanks for the pictures which you sent me . However , I asked for one where you looked " pensive not " evil . Any more would be appreciated. ( ! ) So , what have you been up to in the past few days ? Are you settling down into your new home ? Today I am wallpapering . It is very boring ! Yesterday I was working , which was quite good fun . I saw your 'Savage Garden &NAME &NAME advertised on television last night . Anyway , the chemistry is going pretty well how is computer science ? &NAME &NAME I tilt my head slightly and to the side , and smile in a benign manner whilst half-closing my eyes . &NAME &NAME and I wish to invite you and &NAME to chat online Sunday at 6pm . SUBJECT: The board 's decision is FINAL &NAME , 'My sister is in love with you &NAME , she 's not . - What ? ! I 'm confused . Does this have anything to do with a certain photograph ? Whether or not the incidents are related , I wish that photo be destroyed instantly. ( ! ) " It will do you good to get that messy paste all over your hands ! - I disagree . My manager disagrees . The &NAME 's &NAME - relations team disagrees . " you might remember him [ &NAME ] - Yes , I do . I had the privilege to shake his hand on the stairs of &NUM &NAME &NAME earlier this year . " I just do n't want to learn about requirements engineering I just DO N'T! - You mean , you do n't want to learn about it ? Subtlety is a craft you have undoubtedly attained mastery of . Now , &NAME &NAME Regarding your communication dated 13th December &NUM in which you stated that ; " &NUM [ &NAME ] have similar characteristics to an amphibious-type creature who has evolved &NUM million years in a few hours and has mysteriously taken on the form of a large slug with uncontrollable mating habits . These personal revelations slightly worried me . So much so that I referred your case to the good doctor &NAME . So full of humility is she that she denied having any medical skill but nevertheless submitted the following observations to the " What to do about &NAME 's Rare Illness Board of &NAME 'Sounds worrying . We have a slug for a CU rep ? Perhaps worse : a CU rep with the characteristics of a slug . Worse still : you have a Flat-mate with the characteristics of a slug . So , &NAME is slow , leaves slim wherever he goes , and has " uncontrollable mating habits . Talk to him . Ask him what the problem is . one of the things I do n't get about guys is the way they bottle things up and do n't talk to others about . I think that &NAME has been somewhat stressed . Therefore , &NAME &NAME , the Board of Enquiry hereby diagnoses you with 'Slug-Stress-Syndrome , a rare illness that stems from too much time around " female computers . The side effects are varied and generally devastating . The following web-site is available for those who feel that this disease will push them over " the edge : &WEBSITE . Anyway &NAME , it was a shame you could n't make it to chat last night . In the end , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and I turned up . We talked for about an hour . An uninvited guest turned up , calling himself " &NAME . We do n't know who he was , but he was very nasty and called us names , like " elitists and " cliquey ( only he called it " clicky and &NAME corrected him ) . &NAME told him she was delighted to be an elitist if it meant she could spell correctly . Then we all told him to go away and learn to spell , and I told him to learn grammar too . It was quite amusing , and &NAME was quite rude towards him ! ( By the way , &NAME says his computer automatically changes his words to what he really means to say hence the interesting combinations of letters issuing forth from his direction . ) I just hope we do n't actually know &NAME " &NAME . It would be awful if it turned out to be someone we 'd invited to chat it was n't you was it ? So &NAME , is &NAME going to get &NAME &NAME &NAME Service ? I 've got it on &NAME now it has wonderful potential . I 'm going down to &NAME on &NAME &NAME , primarily so my Grandmother can see where I 'm at university . Is there anything you 'd like me to do ? Well , how are you settling into your house ? Are you looking forward to Christmas ? What will you be doing at &NUM : &NUM on the 29th of December ? Do you want to know the history of &NAME ? This is a possible version of events Well , a long time ago in the delta &NAME [ all my stories start there , it 's such a happening place ] there was a young computer named &NAME . She was a very lonely computer and often wondered where her future lay . She desperately wished that she could have a young computer programmer to love and &NAME . &NUM day , she met a raven . This raven was called " &NUM [ translates to " &NAME remember him ] and an aura of &NAME enveloped him . In fact , it enveloped him so thickly that young &NAME could n't even see him , so she relied on her &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME System ( logos , Greek " the word ) . Anyway , &NAME and &NAME had a heart to binary-matrix talk , the outcome of which changed &NAME 's hard disk forever . Shortly after their conversation ( for &NAME was very impetuous ) &NAME successfully pleaded with &NAME to transport her to earth . That gallant raven obliged , and , &NAME met up with a strange young man . Her first observation was that He had similar characteristics to an amphibious-type creature who had evolved &NUM million years in a few hours and had mysteriously taken on the form of a large slug with uncontrollable mating habits . However , she could cope with that as she was a very interesting computer herself . Anyway , she introduced herself to the young computer scientist ( for that was what he was ) who fell head over heels in love with her ( he was good at gymnastics ) . &NAME ( for that was this intriguing young programmer 's name ) and &NAME were inseparable after that particular display of gymnastics &NAME being very impressed with his general humility and speed of speech patterns . The end or just the beginning ? &NAME well , &NAME , I think I shall do something else . I look forward with delight and the promise of joy to your next communication . Also , I ca n't believe Voyager is not on television this week ! Until the next time of correspondence , &NAME [ y] [ o] [ in] [ this list is getting longer ] SUBJECT: stood-up ? Boys and girls , &WEBSITE at &NUM : &NUM on Sunday , but could not locate a chat room entitled Marshallbees ( or numerous variants on the theme ) . Hmmmmm. Please enlighten me on my undoubted error . &CHAR Dear &NAME , &NAME you could n't be there on Sunday , it was fun . We had an interloper ( freak ) join us . Weird . Hope you have a good time at your grandparents " house- you should definitely sleep and rest ! Hope your family 's well , got to rush , love &NAME Get Your Private , Free E-mail from &NAME &NAME at &WEBSITE . SUBJECT: Re : The board 's decision is FINAL &NAME [ y] [ &CHAR ] " gerrrrrrrrrrms " &NAME , I think you have maliciously quoted my last communication out of context , and I will have no further contact with you or any of your colleagues unless it is through my lawyer . - -------The following communication is from &NAME &NAME 's lawyer , Mr. &NAME &NAME &NAME Esq. , As Mr. &NAME 's lawyer , I assure you that you are , how shall I put it ... in the soup . Frankly , you are a very unwise young man to have crossed my client . You have dealt in an immature manner , and will be dealt with accordingly . You may be assured that you will be sued to the full extent of the law , and will probably never see your homeland again . ( you can expect to be deported as a slave to &NAME ) Oh yes , Mr. &NAME , you have played with fire , and now you 're going to get burned ( or burrrrrrrrned , as you would say ) . You have unfortunately messed with one of the most important personages in the country ( in the form of my client ) , and I do n't get paid £ &NUM an hour to fool around - in other words , your life as you know it is about to be terminated . So there 's the good news Mr. &NAME . The bad news is that my people ( thugs / mercenaries some might call them ) will be round shortly to un-tuck your bed-sheet . Yes it 's true Mr. &NAME , I 'm afraid there is no easy way to break this kind of news . So , until we meet face to face ( probably in the dock ) let me wish you a happy future . Sincerely , Mr. &NAME . - &NAME Transmission-------- &NAME , 'My sister is in love with you &NAME , she 's not . - What ? ! I 'm confused . Does this have anything to do with a certain photograph ? Whether or not the incidents are related , I wish that photo be destroyed instantly. ( ! ) " It will do you good to get that messy paste all over your hands ! - I disagree . My manager disagrees . The &NAME 's &NAME - relations team disagrees . " you might remember him [ &NAME ] - Yes , I do . I had the privilege to shake his hand on the stairs of &NUM &NAME &NAME earlier this year . " I just do n't want to learn about requirements engineering I just DO N'T! - You mean , you do n't want to learn about it ? Subtlety is a craft you have undoubtedly attained mastery of . Now , &NAME &NAME Regarding your communication dated 13th December &NUM in which you stated that ; " &NUM [ &NAME ] have similar characteristics to an amphibious-type creature who has evolved &NUM million years in a few hours and has mysteriously taken on the form of a large slug with uncontrollable mating habits . These personal revelations slightly worried me . So much so that I referred your case to the good doctor &NAME . So full of humility is she that she denied having any medical skill but nevertheless submitted the following observations to the " What to do about &NAME 's Rare Illness Board of &NAME 'Sounds worrying . We have a slug for a CU rep ? Perhaps worse : a CU rep with the characteristics of a slug . Worse still : you have a Flat-mate with the characteristics of a slug . So , &NAME is slow , leaves slim wherever he goes , and has " uncontrollable mating habits . Talk to him . Ask him what the problem is . One of the things I do n't get about guys is the way they bottle things up and do n't talk to others about . I think that &NAME has been somewhat stressed . Therefore , &NAME &NAME , the Board of Enquiry hereby diagnoses you with 'Slug-Stress-Syndrome , a rare illness that stems from too much time around " female computers . The side effects are varied and generally devastating . The following web-site is available for those who feel that this disease will push them over " the edge : &WEBSITE . Anyway &NAME , it was a shame you could n't make it to chat last night . In the end , &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and I turned up . We talked for about an hour . An uninvited guest turned up , calling himself " &NAME . We do n't know who he was , but he was very nasty and called us names , like " elitists and " cliquey ( only he called it " clicky and &NAME corrected him ) . &NAME told him she was delighted to be an elitist if it meant she could spell correctly . Then we all told him to go away and learn to spell , and I told him to learn grammar too . It was quite amusing , and &NAME was quite rude towards him ! ( By the way , &NAME says his computer automatically changes his words to what he really means to say hence the interesting combinations of letters issuing forth from his direction . ) I just hope we do n't actually know &NAME " &NAME . It would be awful if it turned out to be someone we 'd invited to chat it was n't you was it ? So &NAME , is &NAME going to get &NAME &NAME &NAME Service ? I 've got it on &NAME now it has wonderful potential . I 'm going down to &NAME on &NAME &NAME , primarily so my Grandmother can see where I 'm at university . Is there anything you 'd like me to do ? Well , how are you settling into your house ? Are you looking forward to Christmas ? What will you be doing at &NUM : &NUM on the 29th of December ? Do you want to know the history of &NAME ? This is a possible version of events Well , a long time ago in the delta &NAME [ all my stories start there , it 's such a happening place ] there was a young computer named &NAME . She was a very lonely computer and often wondered where her future lay . She desperately wished that she could have a young computer programmer to love and &NAME . &NUM day , she met a raven . This raven was called " &NUM [ translates to " &NAME remember him ] and an aura of &NAME enveloped him . In fact , it enveloped him so thickly that young &NAME could n't even see him , so she relied on her &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME System ( logos , Greek " the word ) . Anyway , &NAME and &NAME had a heart to binary-matrix talk , the outcome of which changed &NAME 's hard disk forever . Shortly after their conversation ( for &NAME was very impetuous ) &NAME successfully pleaded with &NAME to transport her to earth . That gallant raven obliged , and , &NAME met up with a strange young man . Her first observation was that He had similar characteristics to an amphibious-type creature who had evolved &NUM million years in a few hours and had mysteriously taken on the form of a large slug with uncontrollable mating habits . However , she could cope with that as she was a very interesting computer herself . Anyway , she introduced herself to the young computer scientist ( for that was what he was ) who fell head over heels in love with her ( he was good at gymnastics ) . &NAME ( for that was this intriguing young programmer 's name ) and &NAME were inseparable after that particular display of gymnastics &NAME being very impressed with his general humility and speed of speech patterns . The end or just the beginning ? &NAME well , &NAME , I think I shall do something else . I look forward with delight and the promise of joy to your next communication . Also , I ca n't believe Voyager is not on television this week ! Until the next time of correspondence , &NAME [ y] [ o] [ in] [ this list is getting longer ] SUBJECT: sound of silence &NAME , I am going away on Saturday so there will be an " email silence " from myself for about a week . Respectfully yours , &CHAR SUBJECT: SUMMONS To : &NAME &NAME From : Her Majesty 's &NAME &NAME Service Re : Notification of the charges being brought against you by Her Majesty 's Government Dear Sir , Your client and yourself have hereby been charged with &NUM count of unlawful egoism , intent to practice human slavery , unlawful rolling of &CHAR 's, and threatening behaviour . The charges are outlined in more detail as follows ; &NUM ) Unlawful pride . You said : " one of the most important personages in the country ( in the form of my client ) . The law says : " Anyone with the Christian name " &NAME is of no importance whatsoever - &WEBSITE of the &NUM Civil Liberties Act. &NUM ) Intent to practice human slavery . You said : " You can expect to be deported as a slave to &NAME . The law says : 'Slavery is forbidden by the laws and practices of our dominion . - Section &NUM , subsection &NUM of the &NUM &NAME &NAME . &NUM ) Unlawful rolling of &CHAR 's. You said : " Or burrrrrrrrned , as you would say . The law says : " No one who is not of Scottish birth may roll their &CHAR 's in public . - &NAME &NAME , granted by His Majesty &NAME &NAME the 6th of &NAME . &NUM ) Threatening behaviour . You said : 'My people ( thugs / mercenaries ) will be round shortly to un-tuck your bed-sheet . The law says : " Bed-sheets must NEVER be disturbed whilst being slept in. - Section &NUM of the &NAME Act of Public Conduct , &NAME &NAME , &NUM . If you and your client are found guilty you are likely to be Sentenced to &NUM years incarceration at an egoism treatment centre for committing crimes of " &NAME &NAME . Deported to &NAME for " intent to practice human slavery . Summarily executed for " unlawful rolling of &CHAR 's as the original penalty for that crime has never been repealed . Cleaned from head to toe in dettox once a week for the rest of your life by specially trained therapists . You and your client are hereby summoned to appear in court at &NAME &CHAR , &NAME City , at &NUM : 30pm on the 7th day of January , &NAME . Do not be late . &NAME &NAME ( Her Majesty 's &NAME &NAME Service ) SUBJECT: Hi &NAME &NAME ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Hi &NAME , You went to the flat - I take it my room has not been ransacked then ? &NAME is well , I spoke to him the other day ( in case your at all even slightly interested in the well-being of the &NUM with the ginger hair of destiny ) The war sounds good - as long as it does not cause me any discomfort of any sort I am up for it . I had a good time away - plenty of reading and stuff . Finished one of my books . We also had snow - it was white ! ! ! ! I 'm looking forward to whacking my heater on full as soon as I get back ! See you soon , &NAME &NAME ! Hi . How was your time away from home ? Is it snowing down there in &NAME ? We had a beautiful white Christmas here in &NAME . I like snow . Anyway , what have you been up to in the past week ? I was down in &NAME on Tuesday last . I went to the flat it was absolutely FREEZING ! Not much else to say really , everything was still there . Oh , incidentally , did you know we 've declared war on &NAME &CHAR ? E-mail reply to &NAME " This fiasco could start a war ! &NAME ! ! Who 's declaring ? ? - &NAME &CHAR hereby declares war on the residents and furnishings of &NAME &NAME We will do all within our power to defeat you . We will fight you on the stairs , we will fight you in your rooms , we will fight you in the hallways and corridors of power . We will do all humanly possible to protect our land and it 's " inheritance . We will not rest until you have been defeated . Reasons why we shall win &NAME has an evil laugh , which turns human blood to jelly . &NAME has prophesied our victory who dares go against that ? ! &NAME is so tidy your hearts will fail for fear when he says the dread-word " vacuum-cleaner . &NAME is so messy it will scare you senseless . &NAME has a sword of destiny and none of you do ha ! I thought you might like to know . Anyway , I 'm going up to the highlands for New Year in a few hours , so I 'd better go and pack some things ! See you , &NAME SUBJECT: [ Fwd : go here ] this is cool &WEBSITE / &NAME &NAME &NAME College , &NAME University SUBJECT: Hi &NAME ! Hi , When are you all going back to &NAME ? I 'm returning on Saturday at midday . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : munching on tree bark Pray tell , good Sir , who is the foe ? &NAME the Gracious &NAME wrote : Good afternoon &NAME . Hope you had a great day and that your exams went smooooothly . In &NUM &NUM / &NUM hours I will have completed an eight-hour day at the science site ! No rest for the &NAME eh ? ! &NAME is coming round for dinner tonight ! But then maybe you 'll not get this message until tomorrow ( which will then , of course , be today ) at which point you will realise that this whole message contains virtually useless information . In fact one might say that our society is in danger of drowning in a sea of useless information - what do you think sire ? Anyway , " till we meet again and the foe is vanquished ... &CHAR SUBJECT: munching on tree bark Good afternoon &NAME . Hope you had a great day and that your exams went smooooothly . In &NUM &NUM / &NUM hours I will have completed an eight-hour day at the science site ! No rest for the &NAME eh ? ! &NAME is coming round for dinner tonight ! But then maybe you 'll not get this message until tomorrow ( which will then , of course , be today ) at which point you will realise that this whole message contains virtually useless information . In fact one might say that our society is in danger of drowning in a sea of useless information - what do you think sire ? Anyway , " till we meet again and the foe is vanquished ... &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : munching on tree bark How silly of me . &NAME &NAME wrote : Why , the Englishman of course ! &CHAR &NAME wrote : Pray tell , good Sir , who is the foe ? &NAME the Gracious &NAME wrote : Good afternoon &NAME . Hope you had a great day and that your exams went smooooothly . In &NUM &NUM / &NUM hours I will have completed an eight-hour day at the science site ! No rest for the &NAME eh ? ! &NAME is coming round for dinner tonight ! But then maybe you 'll not get this message until tomorrow ( which will then , of course , be today ) at which point you will realise that this whole message contains virtually useless information . In fact one might say that our society is in danger of drowning in a sea of useless information - what do you think sire ? Anyway , " till we meet again and the foe is vanquished ... &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : munching on tree bark Why , the Englishman of course ! &CHAR &NAME wrote : Pray tell , good Sir , who is the foe ? &NAME the Gracious &NAME wrote : Good afternoon &NAME . Hope you had a great day and that your exams went smooooothly . In &NUM &NUM / &NUM hours I will have completed an eight-hour day at the science site ! No rest for the &NAME eh ? ! &NAME is coming round for dinner tonight ! But then maybe you 'll not get this message until tomorrow ( which will then , of course , be today ) at which point you will realise that this whole message contains virtually useless information . In fact one might say that our society is in danger of drowning in a sea of useless information - what do you think sire ? Anyway , " till we meet again and the foe is vanquished ... &CHAR SUBJECT: morn " &NAME ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Good morning my old codger ! Have a great practical ! See you later , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : morn " See you ! &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Good morning my old codger ! Have a great practical ! See you later , &NAME SUBJECT: Hi &NAME Hi &NAME &NAME , How is your practical going ? Is it as challengingas you hoped for ? Mine was n't too bad . I look forward with great relish to dinner this evening . &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME Hmmmmmmmm. . . My practical is a little bit technical for me , but I 'm wading through slowly . Dinner will be DELICIOUS ! &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME &NAME , How is your practical going ? Is it as challengingas you hoped for ? Mine was n't too bad . I look forward with great relish to dinner this evening . &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME You 'd better wade a bit quiker - you only have &NUM minutesleft . I am SO GLAD that dinner will bedelicious - I salivate in anticipation . ( Not true ) &NAME &NAME wrote : Hmmmmmmmm. . . My practical is a little bit technical for me , but I 'm wading through slowly . Dinner will be DELICIOUS ! &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME &NAME , How is your practical going ? Is it as challengingas you hoped for ? Mine was n't too bad . I look forward with great relish to dinner this evening . &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: Hi &NAME ! Hi &NAME ! Are you cooking dinner yet ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME ! &NAME , I 'm in the Chemistry department computer room ! ! ! Is n't that exciting ! ! ! ! &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME ! Are you cooking dinner yet ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME ! Highly exciting &NAME . I hear you are not joining us for dinner this evening . Shame on you &NAME &NAME ! &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , I 'm in the Chemistry department computer room ! ! ! Is n't that exciting ! ! ! ! &CHAR &NAME wrote : Hi &NAME ! Are you cooking dinner yet ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME ... ( ! ) Hope you shocker ! &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME , I 've just sent this to &NAME , from &NAME . I think &NAME still has no idea about what 's really going on here - I expected her intelligence to be higher . &NAME &NAME , I do n't think you fully undrestand the depths of my true feelings for you . &NAME &CHAR &NAME &NAME &NAME &NUM &NUM &NUM &NAME &CHAR , &NAME &NAME 's &NAME , &NAME 's &NAME , &NAME , &NAME &NUM St. &NAME 's College &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME Department of Geological Sciences University of &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME is &NUM Most esteemed friends , Romans and countrymen , I am now &NUM . I am having a party on Friday ( 9th ) . Please come round to my flat ( &NAME &CHAR ) and bring something consumable . PLEASE invite anyone else who I 've ( quite probably ) missed off the list , not because I do n't like them AT ALL , but because I 've randomly banged this address list together . Anyway , come round ( if you want to ) any time after &NUM : &NUM &NAME . &NAME &NAME If any of my flat-mates do n't know about this , then , &NAME ... sorry . SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME , yes I think you 're right . I 'm feeling tired and more than a little unmotivated this morning ! Oh well , now I must pull myself together ! &CHAR &NAME wrote : Good morning &NAME , I hope you stop feeling sticky soon . Canadians are dangerous . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi Indeed you must . &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , yes I think you 're right . I 'm feeling tired and more than a little unmotivated this morning ! Oh well , now I must pull myself together ! &CHAR &NAME wrote : Good morning &NAME , I hope you stop feeling sticky soon . Canadians are dangerous . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME , for your vacation has begun ! Most illustrious prince , Greetings from &NAME &NAME I 've been to " Pizza Hut " this lunchtime where I ate &NUM slices of pizza . ( As did &NAME . ) I am extremely full . I feel ill . ( Please feel free to mourn and transform yourself into a picture of abject misery on my behalf . ) The weather here is lovely . We said &NAME to &NAME this morning . &NAME and I are now alone . Last night we stayed up talking by candle-light to &NAME until 1am . The candle gradually went out and then we continued talking in darkness until 2am . &NAME and I were tired this morning . I trust that you and &NAME are both in good spirits ? Convey to her my good wishes , if you will . I am printing out exam papers in the library . I am now going to go shopping to look for a present for Mother 's Day . The end-of-term-feeling is weird . It 's not entirely unpleasent , but very strange . We are entertaining again this evening ; &NUM first year girls and &NAME and &NAME are coming for dinner . I still do n't feel like eating and dinner . I must go , I look forward to continuing our conversations by electronic mail . By the way &NAME , what is your address this vacation , as I would like to send you a postcard when I go on holiday . Please let me know today or tomorrow . Thank you . &NAME " Excellence is never an accident " SUBJECT: 3rd January &NUM &NAME ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ( Hi ) Firstly , why does &NAME seem to think it 's the 3rd of January &NUM ? Is she that behind the times ? &NAME &NAME . Secondly , I must thank you for sending me &NUM e-mails whilst I have yet to finish writing one . Thirdly , thanks awfully for sending me your address . Fourthly , &NAME is very amusing ! Fifthly , my brother is thinking about getting a guitar . What type do you have ? ( The &NUM &NAME likes . He could only tell me it was an &NAME &NUM , he did n't know the model number etc. ) Yes , I have managed to do some work ! I 'll be doing some more after I 've finished writing to you . What on earth did you and &NAME teach the little beasties at your dad 's school ? I find the idea very amusing . Well , I got back home on Tuesday evening . My story is as follows On Tuesday I managed to clean most of the flat , including the shower and bathroom . I also walked to the science site to visit the library and show my friend where the &NAME department was . In addition to that I defrosted and cleaned our fridge / freezer , and also cleaned my room with the utmost thoroughness . After that I had to pack my room , and as a result of my hectic morning , after busying myself with all this running around , I had to rush frantically to the railway station . I arrived on the platform , much out of breath due to the rather weighty nature of my bags , to see the train pulling out of the station . My heart sank , as the next train was not due for at least an hour . Thankfully it was not my train , which had been delayed by the ineptitude of &NAME by &NUM minutes . This was &NUM time when I was thankful for inefficiency . Eventually my train arrived and I embarked upon my journey , sad to leave &NAME . My train was then delayed by vandalising children on the railway track . I arrived in &NAME over &NUM minutes late , but still in &NUM piece and much calmer than I had been while rushing to try and catch my train . Now , I will keep you up to date with the latest happenings in that exiting focal point of all our lives , &NAME &NAME Well , on Monday evening &NAME invited &NAME and &NAME and &NUM first year CU girls ( &NAME and &NAME ) for dinner . The meal was most delicious , and afterwards one of the first years ( &NAME ) was given the opportunity to cut &NAME 's golden locks - a most amusing occurrence indeed . The poor unfortunate girl was halfway through the task when she accidentally cut some of &NAME 's ear off . Now , you know what &NAME is like when he gets angry about something Well actually , he did n't assault her , but he yelled and almost cursed about it for a substantial number of minutes . I think the blood contrasted beautifully with his pale complexion . So &NAME now has a mutilated ear , something he will doubtless cherish as it was done at the hands of one of his favoured girls . Seriously though , it was only a small &NAME . Anyway , are you well ? Yesterday evening I was in the middle of a power cut . At &NUM : &NAME I was gaily about to check my e-mail , when the computer switched off and I was plunged into darkness . We proceeded to eat our dinner by the light of oil lamps . We lit our fire and &NUM the played the piano by candlelight for half an hour . It was very beautiful , but could get boring quite easily . I then went up to my room , oil lamp in hand , and began to study . At 8pm the electricity came back on and I succeeded in checking my e-mail . My next piece of uninteresting trivia is that I now have absolutely free internet access at any time of the day or night ! We have signed up to ntl , the telephone company , and that is why I am sending you this in the middle of the day . Any time you wish to chat online just let me know , as it would be fun . Also , if you want &NAME &NAME &NAME Service , it can be downloaded from the following location ... &WEBSITE o73026 &NAME others will get it too , as it is an extremely interesting piece of software . Anyway , it is extremely cold here . I woke up this morning and the temperature was only &NUM degrees &NAME . It feels like I 'm back in January ! So , write soon , and I hope you get some work done . &NAME " Eat one live tree frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day " SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME &NAME , Hi . The &NAME Code Yes , I think it is a hoax probably . I do n't know an awful lot about it , and I probably think there are significant number patterns in the &NAME , but I do n't think I like the idea of using word patterns etc. to tell the future . Why do you ask ? I think you are investigating it . Do you understand the computer-based side ? I do n't know how much my brother is willing to spend on a guitar - probably a lot if I know him . What do you mean by " what 's your problem " ? Out of interest , could you tell me your guitar 's model number and details ? &NAME seems to think you 're giving it to him . That 's awfully kind of you &NAME . I do n't do caber-tossing . I do surface chemistry ( at least that 's my aim for today ) . This afternoon I intend to help my mum paint the bathroom ceiling before going into &NAME to buy some Mother 's Day gifts . I do hope &NAME gets better soon . Have you got &NAME &NAME &NAME yet ? Incidentally , your storage heater was on , but I 've switched it off now . &NAME this is a short e-mail , surface chemistry is calling - faintly . " Till you reply , &NAME SUBJECT: Arise ! Arise ! It 's &NUM : &NUM Oh most fair and wondrous &NAME , Here is my address : &NUM &NAME Road &NAME Park &NAME &NAME 3PT Today I begin my work campaign . I am not particularly looking forward to it , but I must just GET ON WITH IT . Miss &NAME has now left , and therein lies a story : I was taking her to &NAME to drop her off with her brother , and she assumed that it would be easy enough to find the place because she knew what it was called - &NAME Halls . Thus , she did not ask for directions , and upon arriving in &NAME , she realised that it was somewhat bigger than she had expected and we would perhaps not be able to just " find " the place by knowing its name ! And so , &NUM people , a number of text messages and an hour later we eventually found our destination ! Anyway , she is there now and I am emailing you from my living room where &NAME is currently residing . See you later , &NAME Most illustrious prince , Greetings from &NAME &NAME I 've been to " Pizza Hut " this lunchtime where I ate &NUM slices of pizza . ( As did &NAME . ) I am extremely full . I feel ill . ( Please feel free to mourn and transform yourself into a picture of abject misery on my behalf . ) The weather here is lovely . We said &NAME to &NAME this morning . &NAME and I are now alone . Last night we stayed up talking by candle-light to &NAME until 1am . The candle gradually went out and then we continued talking in darkness until 2am . &NAME and I were tired this morning . I trust that you and &NAME are both in good spirits ? Convey to her my good wishes , if you will . I am printing out exam papers in the library . I am now going to go shopping to look for a present for Mother 's Day . The end-of-term-feeling is weird . It 's not entirely unpleasent , but very strange . We are entertaining again this evening ; &NUM first year girls and &NAME and &NAME are coming for dinner . I still do n't feel like eating and dinner . I must go , I look forward to continuing our conversations by electronic mail . By the way &NAME , what is your address this vacation , as I would like to send you a postcard when I go on holiday . Please let me know today or tomorrow . Thank you . &NAME " Excellence is never an accident " SUBJECT: Re : 3rd January &NUM &NAME , &NAME is having problems of &CHAR , how shall I say , personal nature . I wonder if she has some deep psychological problem that she is n't telling me about . The other day she just would n't light up , and even though I pumped her switches ( something that usually really gets her going ) I could not turn her on at all ! And then , after I had delved around her innards for half an hour or so and actually got her to boot up , her time and date settings were &NAME . Very strange . You have free internet access ! ! ! ! JEALOUSY , ENVY , JEALOUSY , MALICE , HATRED , ENVY , JEALOUSY , JEALOUSY . ( a few of the emotions that were running through my head in the last few seconds ( not necessarily in that order ) ) What do you think of the &NAME Code . I think it 's a hoax . I have a &NAME &NAME &NAME guitar . What is your problem ? Seriously , how much is your brother wanting to spend ? &NAME , I wo n't keep you from your caber-tossing any longer &NAME , C ya , &NAME &NAME ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ( Hi ) Firstly , why does &NAME seem to think it 's the 3rd of January &NUM ? Is she that behind the times ? &NAME &NAME . Secondly , I must thank you for sending me &NUM e-mails whilst I have yet to finish writing one . Thirdly , thanks awfully for sending me your address . Fourthly , &NAME is very amusing ! Fifthly , my brother is thinking about getting a guitar . What type do you have ? ( The &NUM &NAME likes . He could only tell me it was an &NAME &NUM , he did n't know the model number etc. ) Yes , I have managed to do some work ! I 'll be doing some more after I 've finished writing to you . What on earth did you and &NAME teach the little beasties at your dad 's school ? I find the idea very amusing . Well , I got back home on Tuesday evening . My story is as follows On Tuesday I managed to clean most of the flat , including the shower and bathroom . I also walked to the science site to visit the library and show my friend where the &NAME department was . In addition to that I defrosted and cleaned our fridge / freezer , and also cleaned my room with the utmost thoroughness . After that I had to pack my room , and as a result of my hectic morning , after busying myself with all this running around , I had to rush frantically to the railway station . I arrived on the platform , much out of breath due to the rather weighty nature of my bags , to see the train pulling out of the station . My heart sank , as the next train was not due for at least an hour . Thankfully it was not my train , which had been delayed by the ineptitude of &NAME by &NUM minutes . This was &NUM time when I was thankful for inefficiency . Eventually my train arrived and I embarked upon my journey , sad to leave &NAME . My train was then delayed by vandalising children on the railway track . I arrived in &NAME over &NUM minutes late , but still in &NUM piece and much calmer than I had been while rushing to try and catch my train . Now , I will keep you up to date with the latest happenings in that exiting focal point of all our lives , &NAME &NAME Well , on Monday evening &NAME invited &NAME and &NAME and &NUM first year CU girls ( &NAME and &NAME ) for dinner . The meal was most delicious , and afterwards one of the first years ( &NAME ) was given the opportunity to cut &NAME 's golden locks - a most amusing occurrence indeed . The poor unfortunate girl was halfway through the task when she accidentally cut some of &NAME 's ear off . Now , you know what &NAME is like when he gets angry about something Well actually , he did n't assault her , but he yelled and almost cursed about it for a substantial number of minutes . I think the blood contrasted beautifully with his pale complexion . So &NAME now has a mutilated ear , something he will doubtless cherish as it was done at the hands of one of his favoured girls . Seriously though , it was only a small &NAME . Anyway , are you well ? Yesterday evening I was in the middle of a power cut . At &NUM : &NAME I was gaily about to check my e-mail , when the computer switched off and I was plunged into darkness . We proceeded to eat our dinner by the light of oil lamps . We lit our fire and &NUM the played the piano by candlelight for half an hour . It was very beautiful , but could get boring quite easily . I then went up to my room , oil lamp in hand , and began to study . At 8pm the electricity came back on and I succeeded in checking my e-mail . My next piece of uninteresting trivia is that I now have absolutely free internet access at any time of the day or night ! We have signed up to ntl , the telephone company , and that is why I am sending you this in the middle of the day . Any time you wish to chat online just let me know , as it would be fun . Also , if you want &NAME &NAME &NAME Service , it can be downloaded from the following location ... &WEBSITE o73026 &NAME others will get it too , as it is an extremely interesting piece of software . Anyway , it is extremely cold here . I woke up this morning and the temperature was only &NUM degrees &NAME . It feels like I 'm back in January ! So , write soon , and I hope you get some work done . &NAME " Eat one live tree frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day " SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME &NAME my partner in crime , How 's &NAME ? Thanks for the card - &NAME sends her love . She seems to be rather unstable at the moment . I have thought a few times , dare I say it , about how nice it would be to 'replace " her . Please keep this quiet as it is a bit of a touchy subject , I 'm sure you can imagine . ( knowing your experience with women ) Today I was teaching the wee beasties again . As of this afternoon I decided never to have children ! &NAME I am going to see &NAME tomorrow , and we will do 'sporty " things like play squash and football . When are we coming to visit you in the father-land next term ? Did we decide on a date ? I think we said the first w/end of term ? ? ? My thumb hurts because my brother kicked a football at me and it bent my hand . Yes , I know it 's a violent game . How 's the chemistry ? See ya " &NAME &NAME , Hi . The &NAME Code Yes , I think it is a hoax probably . I do n't know an awful lot about it , and I probably think there are significant number patterns in the &NAME , but I do n't think I like the idea of using word patterns etc. to tell the future . Why do you ask ? I think you are investigating it . Do you understand the computer-based side ? I do n't know how much my brother is willing to spend on a guitar - probably a lot if I know him . What do you mean by " what 's your problem " ? Out of interest , could you tell me your guitar 's model number and details ? &NAME seems to think you 're giving it to him . That 's awfully kind of you &NAME . I do n't do caber-tossing . I do surface chemistry ( at least that 's my aim for today ) . This afternoon I intend to help my mum paint the bathroom ceiling before going into &NAME to buy some Mother 's Day gifts . I do hope &NAME gets better soon . Have you got &NAME &NAME &NAME yet ? Incidentally , your storage heater was on , but I 've switched it off now . &NAME this is a short e-mail , surface chemistry is calling - faintly . " Till you reply , &NAME SUBJECT: Startling revelations indeed ! Hi " &NAME " What are you ? Some sort of weird South American flower with a penchant for difficult-to-pronounce names ? " When are we coming to visit you in the father-land next term ? Did we decide on a date ? I think we said the first &CHAR / end of term ? ? ? " - Yes , we decided the first weekend of term . That is the 27th - 29th April . Please write it in large letters in your diary . I have to organised things for then , so the date must be confirmed . What time do your lectures finish on the Friday ? Is it still &NUM : &NAME ? 'She [ &NAME ] seems to be rather unstable at the moment . I have thought a few times , dare I say it , about how nice it would be to 'replace " her . Please keep this quiet as it is a bit of a touchy subject , I 'm sure you can imagine . ( knowing your experience with women ) " - &NAME ! I 'm shocked ! Does &NAME know you might be going to &NAME her ? Please can I tell people ? It could be quite amusing . 'Scandalous revelations as &NAME ditches &NAME after long-term relationship turns sour . Allegations of &NAME being involved in " Please &NAME ! We would n't produce anything until term started again , if you like . It would be such fun ! Anyway , let me know . Who are &NAME 's lawyers ? I think you 'll be needing to contact &NAME , &NAME and whoever soon . The chemistry is well . Do you want to cha online sometime ? Let me know if you do , and if so , when is convenient . Well , I have a lab report to do today , and I 'm going down to &NAME tomorrow . I shall visit the flat and check on things there . Is there anything you 'd like me to do ? I hope you enjoyed your day with &NAME , and he is well . &NAME ( Actively seeking clearance to publish details of the rumoured split between &NAME and &NAME . ) SUBJECT: Re : Newspaper Article &NAME , This is very funny . ... I think &CHAR &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME and &NAME , Please read this ; it 's interesting , relevant , and will impact on society in a big way . &NAME goes to &NAME and myself . &NAME / &CHAR &NAME &NAME you are all well , &NAME . SUBJECT: Re : Startling revelations indeed ! &NAME , OK , alright then . ... I 'll let you publish some scandalous rumours ... BUT ... Only to whet the public 's appetite - good for &NAME you know . I think my lectures on Friday the 27th will be finishing at &NUM : &NUM , yes . I would like to chat online . I need to get what version of &NAME ? Where from ? Do n't forget that I 'm a bit limited because I do n't have FREE UNLIMITED INTERNET ACCESS ! ! ! ! ! ( as some of us do ) I actually tried to call you yesterday but your phone was engaged for AGES . Now &NAME , I know you 're fairly popular with the ladies and everything , but can you please give me at least a few minutes window time when you are not on the phone to one of them . Thanks , I had a fun time at &NAME 's. We did all sorts of exciting things like play squash and football and go to the cinema etc. Speak soon , &NAME Hi " &NAME " What are you ? Some sort of weird South American flower with a penchant for difficult-to-pronounce names ? " When are we coming to visit you in the father-land next term ? Did we decide on a date ? I think we said the first &CHAR / end of term ? ? ? " - Yes , we decided the first weekend of term . That is the 27th - 29th April . Please write it in large letters in your diary . I have to organised things for then , so the date must be confirmed . What time do your lectures finish on the Friday ? Is it still &NUM : &NAME ? 'She [ &NAME ] seems to be rather unstable at the moment . I have thought a few times , dare I say it , about how nice it would be to 'replace " her . Please keep this quiet as it is a bit of a touchy subject , I 'm sure you can imagine . ( knowing your experience with women ) " - &NAME ! I 'm shocked ! Does &NAME know you might be going to &NAME her ? Please can I tell people ? It could be quite amusing . 'Scandalous revelations as &NAME ditches &NAME after long-term relationship turns sour . Allegations of &NAME being involved in " Please &NAME ! We would n't produce anything until term started again , if you like . It would be such fun ! Anyway , let me know . Who are &NAME 's lawyers ? I think you 'll be needing to contact &NAME , &NAME and whoever soon . The chemistry is well . Do you want to cha online sometime ? Let me know if you do , and if so , when is convenient . Well , I have a lab report to do today , and I 'm going down to &NAME tomorrow . I shall visit the flat and check on things there . Is there anything you 'd like me to do ? I hope you enjoyed your day with &NAME , and he is well . &NAME ( Actively seeking clearance to publish details of the rumoured split between &NAME and &NAME . ) SUBJECT: Re : chat I did n't download it , did I ? I 'm trying now , but it 's just timed-out I think . Still trying . ... &CHAR Yes , the one you downloaded . &NAME &NAME , I 'm trying to get on now . Do I need &NAME &NAME ? &CHAR SUBJECT: Chicken ! ! ! Dear &NAME &NAME , Thank you for granting us permission to publish details of your rumoured impending split with &NAME . We are most grateful that you choose to place your confidence in our firm and would like to take this opportunity to remind you that our company has an unblemished record in managing high-status break-ups . We hope this will reassure you in your excellent choice . &CHAR preliminary date for publication of your side ( substantially biased , naturally ) of the story is set for April 23rd . This may be altered if thought beneficial to your cause . Sincerely , &NAME &NAME ( Celebrity Split Consultant , Public Relations Department , &NAME , &NAME & &NAME ) Hi &NAME ! " I would like to chat online . I need to get what version of &NAME ? Where from ? Do n't forget that I 'm a bit limited . " - Oh good ! You need to get version &NUM ( Well , that 's the one on the web-page , although mine says &NUM here on &NAME ) , downloadable from &WEBSITE o73026 When do you want to chat ? What about Tuesday at &NUM p.m. ? " I actually tried to call you yesterday but your phone was engaged for AGES . Now &NAME , I know you 're fairly popular with the ladies and everything , but can you please give me at least a few minutes window time when you are not on the phone to one of them . " - &NAME my liege , please forgive your most humble servant for utilising his gift of free internet access . Glad you tried to call , try again . I 'm at work tomorrow and Tuesday , but the phone should be free from &NUM : 15pm to &NUM : &NAME tomorrow , if that 's any way convenient ! " Thanks , I had a fun time at &NAME 's. We did all sorts of exciting things like play squash and football and go to the cinema etc. " - How lovely . Thanks for the photos &NAME , they are interesting ! We both look like convicts ! ( Especially when viewed in black and white , hmmm , that could be exploited ! ) Well , I 'm busy with chemistry , and guess what ! Organic chemistry is actually making sense ! ( That 's the third of the course which I 've totally ignored up until now ! ) I really quite like it at the moment ; it seems reasonably simple ! Anyway , I hope you are well . What are you up to for the last &NUM weeks of the holidays ? Are you going to be doing anything of notable excitement ? How is your revision going ? &NAME to hear from you soon , &NAME ( Please do n't think that just because we 're not all at the flat today , on April &NAME 's day , does n't mean you are all going to get away with it . &NAME and I shall be postponing the first day of this month We can do that , you know ) SUBJECT: Chat Hi &NAME , If you want to chat now , use &NAME online . I 'm &NAME . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : chat Yes , the one you downloaded . &NAME &NAME , I 'm trying to get on now . Do I need &NAME &NAME ? &CHAR SUBJECT: Another &NAME in the road ... Dear &NAME , It was lovely to talk with you the other evening . Did your dad have a good birthday ? Well , I 'm off to &NAME &NAME tomorrow morning . Are you going to &NAME &NAME ? I look forward to chatting again ; sometime during the last week of term perhaps ? Best wishes , &NAME &NAME As I said , I still will be able to check my e-mail in &NAME &NAME . SUBJECT: Re : chat I did n't download it , did I ? I 'm trying now , but it 's just timed-out I think . Still trying . ... &CHAR Yes , the one you downloaded . &NAME &NAME , I 'm trying to get on now . Do I need &NAME &NAME ? &CHAR SUBJECT: Chat Hi &NAME ! Yes , I 'd love to chat online soon . Unfortunately I shall not be back until late on Sunday evening . How does Monday or Tuesday evening sound ? &NAME - &NAME ! Interesting . Looking forward to seeing you soon . &NAME SUBJECT: Medlockworld &NAME ! &NAME , good afternoon , this e-mail is from &NAME . Thank you for your e-mail , I had a wonderful holiday on the &NAME Isle . I 'm glad to hear you have been working . I 'm also pleased to receive , at long last , news that &NAME is still alive . Thank you . " &NAME is a bit better after I gave her a good clean-out and made sure all her components were in order . " - I 'm so happy for you both . " Guess what , I 'm buying a lap-top ! ! ! ! ! ! " - I 'm shocked . Is it any good ? I look forward to meeting " &NAME " , what is his hard drive called ? I 'll be very sorry not to see &NAME - I was counting on her presence this term to ensure we had a lovely time in the flat . " &NAME , the other day I overdrew my bank account for the first time . Now I have got an overdraft , just like all the other students ! " - Oh yes , it 's a well-known fact that absolutely all ( without any exceptions ) students have an overdraft . Welcome to the multinational , multilingual crowd that comprises the rest of the entire world student population . Incidentally , when you overdraw your bank , that means you are overdrawn - you do n't automatically have an overdraft . They charge you lots of money for being overdrawn without an overdraft . Well , today I had a lazy morning as I was tired from &NUM hours travelling yesterday - we did n't get home until &NAME last night . I then did a small amount of studying this afternoon , followed my moving some money through my various accounts ( always guaranteed to lift the corners of my mouth into a smile ) . I am shortly going outside ( it 's very windy weather , but otherwise pleasant ) to build a step up to our house . I will be using cement for the first time in my life ! Are you well ? When is &NAME due to enter Medlockworld ? Yes , I 'd love to chat online . Does tonight suit you ? If so , then what about 7pm ? If not , let me know when ? Until sometime in the near future &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Hi &NAME , The new series of voyager starts tomorrow at &NUM : 50pm . It 's the final part of the double episode which the last series ended with . Just thought you 'd like to know ! &NAME SUBJECT: Regarding words Hi &NAME , I forgive you for indulging in barbarous sports . Wednesday sounds fine if you can make it . Yesterday I did not do anything much exciting . I planned my menus for next term , etc. My entire family were at home yesterday , which is quite a rare occurrence . Well , I must go and do some work this morning . See you , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Hi &NAME , &NAME , I 've been playing football tonight . I think I will be out tomorrow night too ( raving party animal ) . I might be able to chat on Wednesday eve . and I must do some more work this week ! Have you done anything exciting today &NAME ? I am going to buy a guitar with my friend &NAME tomorrow - for him that is ! My lap-top should be very good thankyou . See you soon , &NAME &NAME ! &NAME , good afternoon , this e-mail is from &NAME . Thank you for your e-mail , I had a wonderful holiday on the &NAME Isle . I 'm glad to hear you have been working . I 'm also pleased to receive , at long last , news that &NAME is still alive . Thank you . " &NAME is a bit better after I gave her a good clean-out and made sure all her components were in order . " - I 'm so happy for you both . " Guess what , I 'm buying a lap-top ! ! ! ! ! ! " - I 'm shocked . Is it any good ? I look forward to meeting " &NAME " , what is his hard drive called ? I 'll be very sorry not to see &NAME - I was counting on her presence this term to ensure we had a lovely time in the flat . " &NAME , the other day I overdrew my bank account for the first time . Now I have got an overdraft , just like all the other students ! " - Oh yes , it 's a well-known fact that absolutely all ( without any exceptions ) students have an overdraft . Welcome to the multinational , multilingual crowd that comprises the rest of the entire world student population . Incidentally , when you overdraw your bank , that means you are overdrawn - you do n't automatically have an overdraft . They charge you lots of money for being overdrawn without an overdraft . Well , today I had a lazy morning as I was tired from &NUM hours travelling yesterday - we did n't get home until &NAME last night . I then did a small amount of studying this afternoon , followed my moving some money through my various accounts ( always guaranteed to lift the corners of my mouth into a smile ) . I am shortly going outside ( it 's very windy weather , but otherwise pleasant ) to build a step up to our house . I will be using cement for the first time in my life ! Are you well ? When is &NAME due to enter Medlockworld ? Yes , I 'd love to chat online . Does tonight suit you ? If so , then what about 7pm ? If not , let me know when ? Until sometime in the near future &NAME SUBJECT: Sunday eve . Humans , If some combination of us are going to &NAME 's birthday on Sunday evening then we need to get back from &NAME 's house in time ( probably by about 7: &NUM ) . Is this OK with all ? &CHAR SUBJECT: &NAME arts action Boys , Check this link out - it is quite fabulous ! &NAME &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : The meaning of life &NAME , STOP SPELLING YOUR NAME WRONGLY ! ! ! ( It 's &NAME ) &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ad &NAME ! What are you all doing ? I have just had a tutorial in organic chemistry with an amusing tutor . It was good fun , although I understood very little ! However , that 's not important . I 'm shortly going back to the flat to eat my lunch - lovely chicken with lemon and coriander , noodles , and soy sauce . I hope you are all having productive mornings , and if you are not , life is about much more than exam revision . I look forward to seeing you all later today ! &NAME SUBJECT: Re : The meaning of life &NAME ha ha ! &NAME wrote : &NAME , STOP SPELLING YOUR NAME WRONGLY ! ! ! ( It 's &NAME ) &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ad &NAME ! What are you all doing ? I have just had a tutorial in organic chemistry with an amusing tutor . It was good fun , although I understood very little ! However , that 's not important . I 'm shortly going back to the flat to eat my lunch - lovely chicken with lemon and coriander , noodles , and soy sauce . I hope you are all having productive mornings , and if you are not , life is about much more than exam revision . I look forward to seeing you all later today ! &NAME SUBJECT: Die &NAME in humble obescience . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Die &NAME , Much as the thought appeals , I will maintain my dignity . Hope you are having oodles of fun in your practical . Remember - if you reach out with your inner self you will feel my presence emanating through the wall . Later , &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME in humble obescience . &NAME SUBJECT: &CHAR + &CHAR &NAME & friends , Interesting email . I do not think it is as clear-cut as your friend would have us think . Just because science suggests something at this stage in history does n't mean that subsequent discoveries will not mean that our current hypotheses ( for after all , this is all we have ) must be radically changed / revised . Having said that , it is obviously important not to ignore what science is telling us today , and since you obviously want to talk about 'scientific " issues , here is where I stand , for your perusal : Age of the earth : I will make no statement on how old I think the earth is - I have no idea . If it is billions of years old , this does not affect my faith or my 'scientific " beliefs , but I do wonder what was happening during that vast length of time , and also why &NAME has told us nothing about it . If it is a number of thousands of years old then it does not surprise me . I do not have a problem at all with &NAME having 'deceived " us or something ( as your friend suggests ) . Just because I cannot understand something in light of what I see around me ( science ) does not mean that the thing cannot be true and I must be right . &NAME : I do not think we evolved from lower species . The &NAME says that &NAME formed living beings to reproduce after their own kind . This law seems to be observable when we look at the product of cross-breeding ( sterility ) . I do not see any convincing evidence that evolution occurs , or occured , or ever would occur . This does not mean that I deny that within species one can observe favourable transformations ( aka fruit-fly experiments ) . Being a computer scientist ( & working with statistics , orders of complexity , etc. ) , it is clear to me that the kinds of odds against Special Evolution are extraordinary - the law of thermodynamics indicates that this stands against the natural order of nature , and such concepts as the formation of &NAME are inconceivable by any other means than design . Without coming from a standpoint of " Evolution MUST have occurred " &NUM cannot see the evidence from the fossil record - surely we would expect thousands ( millions ) of gradual semi-formed organisms . In fact , most of our knowledge about 'missing links " is founded on fragments of bone . Evolutionists can hardly even show us the complete skeletal structure of a single " primate-man " . If science rests on evidence then I see no reason to suspect that Special Evolution might be true . Any other issues - let me know . &NAME " T.S. &NAME " wrote : Guys , I hummed and hawed about sending this on to you , as I 've only just cooled down from the weekend , and I do n't want to get het up about it again , but I sent an e-mail to &NAME &NAME , a geologist in &NAME , who is in my home group , and whom I hold in the highest respect re our favorite topic . For the sake of both sides , read what he says . You do n't have to , and I do n't want this to divide our friendship , guys , but I thought that I would keep screaming in my head if something was n't said . Love you all loads , and thanks for the great day yesterday . &NAME Hi &NAME , Thanks for the emails - you obviously had a great time away ! As to the Creation / &NAME Earth business . Do n't get too upset about it . I think people are doing a great deal of harm , but they are usually willing to say &NAME is white when pressed . Saying that radiometric dating is unreliable is as silly as saying radio waves are unreliable ( when you change to channel &NUM , you usually get something with pictures and sound , unless there is a freak weather situation ) . Likewise dating . When several different decay schemes are used on the same rock , each with its own different half life , and give the same age ( concordance ) the method ca n't be said to be false . The half lives of some decay schemes are among the most precisely measured constants in physics - e.g. the &NAME clock which now replaces our world 's measurement of time . &NAME can go wrong - things such as weathering , or reheating rocks above their &NAME temperature ( which resets their clocks ) can occur - but they are the analog of the freak weather conditions in the TV example - understandable situations which can usually be checked . I also do n't believe our &NAME plays silly games with us . He would not give us the gift of scientific enquiry only to turn round and say - &NAME ha ! I only put those old-looking fossils there to fool you . I think a lot of the problems people with a young Earth viewpoint have stem with a fear that &NUM day science may pull the carpet of faith from under them . But if &NAME has made everything , science will never undermine what He 's done or prove He did n't do it ! Below I have lifted out bits of articles from the Christians in Science website . It is well worth looking at some of the material there , and following links to other articles and books . &NAME the term goes well ( and exams are not too harsh ) &NAME SUBJECT: Re : The &NAME &NAME sad really I think . Thank goodness the world still has some people like &NAME . &CHAR SUBJECT: &EMAIL d90s4s &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME , What do you type once logged on to &NAME to get the usernames ? Thanks . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Thanks ! &NAME wrote : mailname ( surname ) &NAME wrote : &NAME , What do you type once logged on to &NAME to get the usernames ? Thanks . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME mailname ( surname ) &NAME wrote : &NAME , What do you type once logged on to &NAME to get the usernames ? Thanks . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME You cynical old trout . &CHAR &NAME wrote : And help me to remember , when I 'm having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up , it takes &NUM muscles to frown , &NUM to smile , and only &NUM to reach across and smack them in the mouth . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME It 's from &NAME &NAME . Stay online , I 'm trying to find you . &NAME &NAME wrote : You cynical old trout . &CHAR &NAME wrote : And help me to remember , when I 'm having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up , it takes &NUM muscles to frown , &NUM to smile , and only &NUM to reach across and smack them in the mouth . SUBJECT: &NAME , Did you get my net send message ? Are you cg68--31 ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , I do n't think any are me , but : &WEBSITE is &NAME ( to &NAME ) Bye ! &CHAR People , Please look over this promptly and let me know if you made any of the calls unaccounted for ... &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE &NAME &WEBSITE SUBJECT: a message from &NAME Hi &NAME , Thanks very much for providing that information concerning the telephone bill . Well , how are you ? I sent you a text message this morning , but you did n't reply . Are you enjoying the summer weather ? I am - we are living under a thick and chilly sea fog , and have been for the past &NUM days . I 've just finished my week in my Dad 's bookshop . It was quite good . I read some books , listened to music , did some work , sent some text messages , etc. Oh , and sold books too ! Next week I 'm painting our sitting room and starting to make a cobbled path . I 'm also meant to finish off our stone roundabout thingy , but it 's boring ! I 'm quite happy today ! Tomorrow I shall hopefully go for along cycle ride in the morning and attempt some of my dissertation in the afternoon . My parents areaway to visit my grandmother for the weekend , so it 's just me and my brother at home . I got back from &NAME last Sunday evening . I said goodbye to the flat and handed in the keys ( or rather , my parents did as they were staying in &NAME 's for a few days and there was no one at reception when I was leaving ) . The end of a chapter ( and a gloriously enjoyable on at that ) in my life . That means I get to turn over the page . I 've never thought of that before ! So , what are you whiling away your time with ? Have you found any jobs you want to do this summer ? Are your various computers all well ? Have you heard from &NAME ? I think it must be time for another mass-update . Definitely , I 'd guess tomorrow . Well , I 'd better go Very best wishes , &NAME SUBJECT: Try a little harder Is that it ? ! Oh well , I suppose it 's better than nothing ( most ungraciously written ) . Sorry about the attachment . I sent the e-mail again this morning - did you get the attachment then ? " I merely meant to insinuate that you know how to keep your favourite ladies happy . " - Scandalous insinuations . Today I have been painting a room . &NAME , &NAME SUBJECT: I am me &NAME &NAME ! Thank you - that was very funny , except , could you clarify &NUM or &NUM points for me ? &NUM ) &NAME says : " Oh , errr , it 's just that I 've never seen one like that before . " - To what is she referring when she says " &NUM " ? A man , a primate , or a Canadian ? &NUM ) I say : " Yes &NAME , yes &NAME , &NUM bags full &NAME . " - Is this meant to insinuate that I think highly of &NAME , or am I being sarcastic ? Thank you . I particularly like the captions for you and &NAME . Now , would you mind awfully not showing the picture to anyone else for a while ? It 's just that I would like to collect other people 's independent ideas and am afraid your genius might rub of onto them . I 'm sure you understand . Well , have you been doing anything of interest lately ? Amaze me . I do not think I have - well , I did watch Voyager yesterday , and I rather enjoyed it . &NAME , send me something amusing so that I have some material to write about . Hope you are enjoying being a miracle of biochemistry ; I am . Well , until next time The collection of organic molecules it pleases you to call &NAME " I tilt my head slightly and to the side , and smile in a benign manner whilst half-closing my eyes . " &NAME &NAME is more than &CHAR , &CHAR , &CHAR and &CHAR , as you very well know . SUBJECT: &NAME have ears &NAME , " You are besotted with &NAME . You talk , eat , sleep and breathe &NAME . " - I most certainly am not ! I appreciate that &NAME has a valid contribution to make to society , nothing more . It may be true that I find his orange hair entrancing , but it is n't actually . No , &NAME is a " great guy " - his words , not mine . " I am doing some community work this weekend . I think I 'm playing parachute games and organising kids on a bouncy-castle . " - I hope you enjoy it and I hope they do to . I 'm off to camp next Saturday . " I have almost finished by &NAME parser generator . I will send you a copy if you like . It 's revolutionary . " - Congratulations ! Yes , I 'd love to receive a copy , although I 've absolutely no idea what it does . You 'll have to explain . &NAME , eh ? I expect nothing less , at least in words . " Please do n't send emails to my &NAME account . Just send them to this one . " - Thank you , I was thinking of asking you which address you wanted me to use ! Well , I wrote &NUM sixth of my dissertation yesterday ! I have now completed the section on 'molecular wires " , and am about to move on to 'molecular switches " . Eventually I 'll be writing about nanocomputers , the theory of which I find quite interesting , but for the moment I am explaining the building blocks . Talking of building , this afternoon I have been putting the finishing touches to a stone circle I have been constructing for our garden . It has now begun to rain so I have retreated gracefully indoors and was pleasantly greeted by your e-mail . This evening I am going to have my hair cut , by that well-known hairdresser - my mother . I will probably be going down to &NAME next week , perhaps on Thursday . I need to get some more papers from the library for my dissertation . It will also afford me the opportunity to do some shopping and absorb the general ambience . Are you happy that you 've nearly finished your &NAME parser generator ? Will you have much else to occupy yourself with ? Let me tell you a little story . One of my lecturers told me that the &NAME ITS usernames were simply our &NAME codes transferred into base-32 . However , I was looking into this a few days ago ( no , I do n't have too much time on my hands ) and it did not seem to be an accurate explanation . My username certainly produced a number the same length as my &NAME code , but the digits were different . I am unable to solve this puzzle at present . Sincerely , &NAME &NAME As you know , I use my &NAME address all the time . However , if you wanted to , you could sent emails ADDITIONALLY to my &EMAIL address . Just a thought . Please send them to my &NAME address though . SUBJECT: Re : I am me &NAME &NAME ! &NAME &NAME . Thank you - that was very funny , except , could you clarify &NUM or &NUM points for me ? sure . &NUM ) &NAME says : " Oh , errr , it 's just that I 've never seen one like that before . " - To what is she referring when she says " &NUM " ? A man , a primate , or a Canadian ? I prefer to leave it to the imagination - it 's a wonderful thing ! &NUM ) I say : " Yes &NAME , yes &NAME , &NUM bags full &NAME . " - Is this meant to insinuate that I think highly of &NAME , or am I being sarcastic ? you are besotted with &NAME . You talk , eat , sleep and breathe &NAME . Well , have you been doing anything of interest lately ? Amaze me . I do not think I have - well , I did watch Voyager yesterday , and I rather enjoyed it . &NAME , send me something amusing so that I have some material to write about . Hope you are enjoying being a miracle of biochemistry ; I am . Well , until next time I am doing some community work this weekend . I think I 'm playing parachute games and organising kids on a bouncy-castle . I have almost finished by &NAME parser generator . I will send you a copy if you like . It 's revolutionary . Bye , &NAME &NAME Please do n't send emails to my &NAME account . Just send them to this one . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME have ears &NAME , I tried it the transformation on mine , and it appears that the length of the base &NUM number would indeed correlate to the length of the ITS username . As you can see : &NAME number &NUM : &NUM / &NUM &NUM &CHAR &NUM &NUM / &NUM &NUM &CHAR &NUM &NUM / &NUM &NUM &CHAR &NUM &NUM / &NUM &NUM &CHAR &NUM &NUM / &NUM &NUM &CHAR &NUM &NUM / &NUM &NUM &CHAR &NUM Thus , the number is &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM &NUM or in more conventional terms : T6N49E Now that does n't look much like a username to me , but it is the correct number of 32its . I also tried it on lots of other bases that would produce the correct number of basenits ( not manually ! ) , but with no success . Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. &CHAR &NAME , " You are besotted with &NAME . You talk , eat , sleep and breathe &NAME . " - I most certainly am not ! I appreciate that &NAME has a valid contribution to make to society , nothing more . It may be true that I find his orange hair entrancing , but it is n't actually . No , &NAME is a " great guy " - his words , not mine . " I am doing some community work this weekend . I think I 'm playing parachute games and organising kids on a bouncy-castle . " - I hope you enjoy it and I hope they do to . I 'm off to camp next Saturday . " I have almost finished by &NAME parser generator . I will send you a copy if you like . It 's revolutionary . " - Congratulations ! Yes , I 'd love to receive a copy , although I 've absolutely no idea what it does . You 'll have to explain . &NAME , eh ? I expect nothing less , at least in words . " Please do n't send emails to my &NAME account . Just send them to this one . " - Thank you , I was thinking of asking you which address you wanted me to use ! Well , I wrote &NUM sixth of my dissertation yesterday ! I have now completed the section on 'molecular wires " , and am about to move on to 'molecular switches " . Eventually I 'll be writing about nanocomputers , the theory of which I find quite interesting , but for the moment I am explaining the building blocks . Talking of building , this afternoon I have been putting the finishing touches to a stone circle I have been constructing for our garden . It has now begun to rain so I have retreated gracefully indoors and was pleasantly greeted by your e-mail . This evening I am going to have my hair cut , by that well-known hairdresser - my mother . I will probably be going down to &NAME next week , perhaps on Thursday . I need to get some more papers from the library for my dissertation . It will also afford me the opportunity to do some shopping and absorb the general ambience . Are you happy that you 've nearly finished your &NAME parser generator ? Will you have much else to occupy yourself with ? Let me tell you a little story . One of my lecturers told me that the &NAME ITS usernames were simply our &NAME codes transferred into base-32 . However , I was looking into this a few days ago ( no , I do n't have too much time on my hands ) and it did not seem to be an accurate explanation . My username certainly produced a number the same length as my &NAME code , but the digits were different . I am unable to solve this puzzle at present . Sincerely , &NAME &NAME As you know , I use my &NAME address all the time . However , if you wanted to , you could sent emails ADDITIONALLY to my &EMAIL address . Just a thought . Please send them to my &NAME address though . SUBJECT: ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? 22Logic , ? what do they teach ? iso-8859-1 ? &CHAR ? them ... &NAME ? &NAME &NAME , As I mentioned a few hours earlier , and about a hundred miles further southward , the flat account is still open and has our money in it . I am waiting for our esteemed colleagues , &NAME and &NAME to send me a list of which calls they think they have made . &NAME , I wait , I wait , I wait . Perhaps you could engage in some subtle hinting ? Anyway , once I receive that information I shall speedily conclude working out the telephone bill and calculate how much we all owe . Following that , I shall draw our final bills ( or cheques , as is more likely - I hope ! ) and send them to you all . I hope that is to your satisfaction . What have you been encountering this week in the way of &NAME , academic work , fun , or anything else remotely interesting ? Thank you for your attempts at solving the username puzzle . I have not given up yet , but must confess I am currently without leads and pretty much at a loss . Do not fear though , it will be solved before I leave &NAME ! ( Brave words for a chemist . ) I have been spending most of the last week writing my chemistry dissertation . I have now completed a rough draft , which ( thankfully ) my supervisor is " pleasantly surprised " with - I 'm not quite sure how to take that ! Anyway , I have also been finishing my stone circle in our garden , and my dad is going to plant a tree in it next week . Apart from that , I have been indulging in lazy mornings and late nights . Very bad and undisciplined ! Well , I certainly had a busy day today ! I got up at &NUM o' clock and caught a train to &NAME at &NUM : &NUM . After alighting at &NAME station I promptly made my way to the library . There I worked ( toil such as only &NAME would understand ) until &NUM : &NUM , after which I felt within me prognostics of hunger pangs . Henceforth I skipped gaily along to &NAME 's Restaurant of Fine Foods and procured a high quality lunch . Late as it was , the time delay only heightened my appreciation of sumptuous chicken pieces delicately fried in the purest olive oil You know , &NAME only have a bad reputation due to the senior management 's most effective scaremongering tactics . If everyone realised how akin to &NAME their delectable morsels were the chief executives would have no where to eat out for dinner . Very best wishes , &NAME SUBJECT: Greetings Hi &NAME , What is &NAME ? Is it an operating system ? I informed &NAME and &NAME of the telephone bill once more . I arrived back from &NAME camp yesterday . &NUM intense week of abseiling , go-karting , mountain biking , sport , activities , bible study , prayer , music and meetings . Oh , and yes , there were &NUM &NUM and &NUM year olds as well . Children say the most curious things . I think my &NUM favourites from this week were " are we allowed to get the dinner plates dirty when we eat ? " and 'do you have to sign a form to become a Christian ? " Joking aside though , I enjoyed myself and was immensely relieved not to be sharing a dorm with children this time . Consequently I enjoyed a much more respectable &NUM or &NUM hours sleep each night . More importantly , one of the children made a commitment to &NAME , which was wonderful . Last Tuesday evening we all played &NAME outside in the grounds of the country house we stayed in. &NUM had to dress up as a &NAME , and this I did with some relish . Yesterday evening I went to a concert in &NAME . The &NAME &NAME Philharmonic Orchestra was playing . This afternoon I 've been with my family to &NAME - a nearby country house . It is very warm today and I like it . We had quite a good week , weather wise , for the camp . Tomorrow morning I begin my new job for &NUM weeks . I will be working from &NUM o' clock until &NUM in the lab , and I am quite looking forward to it although I hope it will not be too boring . I 'm very sorry to hear about your car , although I 'm glad to hear you still patronise &NAME 's. &NAME , now , I wonder if you can help me ? I am going to buy a &NAME rewriter , and I would like to be able to put it in my computer . Do you have any advice about which model to go for ? I hope you are well and making the most of the heat wave currently hitting &NAME . All the best , &NAME SUBJECT: Web-site address Dear &NAME , Hi ! It was good to talk to you earlier this evening . I was quite shocked to discover that I had been doing so for &NUM minutes ! Anyway , I shall write again soon , but here is the web-site you asked for . If you think there is anything odd about it , then let me know before tomorrow evening , since I shall order my &NAME thingy then . &WEBSITE / See you , &NAME SUBJECT: A reply Hi &NAME ! Here is my reply to your &NUM e-mails . Firstly , it was good to talk with you both today and the other day as well . I hope you have a good time with &NAME this evening . Please pass on my regards . Today I went into &NAME and got my mobile fascia . Now I do not have a cracked &NAME ! We 've had a thunderstorm here but the sun is now shining . I am having a look at some of my chemistry for next year - it looks fun ! I will order your memory with my rewritable &NAME and let you know when it arrives . Have a nice day , &NAME &NAME I hope the camp goes well the week after next , but I 'm sure I shall say that again nearer the time . SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME Hi &NAME ! ! ! I 'm in &NAME library . I am still waiting on &NAME & &NAME to reply with their calls before anything can be done with the &NAME . &NAME . &NAME wrote : &NAME , What is the state of the telephone bill and the remnants of the flat account ? &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : " Logic , what do they teach them ... ? " &NAME , May I humbly suggest that you re-send the &NAME . &NAME emails to the aforementioned women ? May I also humbly suggest that you put a note on it suggesting slightly increased urgency ? My car was vandalised last night - how annoying . BIG EXCITMENT ! ! ! ! ! I 'm installing &NAME on my computer - it is a bit of a nightmare , but I 'll hopefully get it working soon . Just got back from playing tennis ( in the rain ) . It was fun but slippery . We went to watch a film last night and also sampled some of the fine edibles purveyed by the &NAME 's establishment . The film was unfortunately a LOAD OF &NAME . ( &NAME &NAME and &NAME &NAME ) . C ya , &NAME &NAME &NAME , As I mentioned a few hours earlier , and about a hundred miles further southward , the flat account is still open and has our money in it . I am waiting for our esteemed colleagues , &NAME and &NAME to send me a list of which calls they think they have made . &NAME , I wait , I wait , I wait . Perhaps you could engage in some subtle hinting ? Anyway , once I receive that information I shall speedily conclude working out the telephone bill and calculate how much we all owe . Following that , I shall draw our final bills ( or cheques , as is more likely - I hope ! ) and send them to you all . I hope that is to your satisfaction . What have you been encountering this week in the way of &NAME , academic work , fun , or anything else remotely interesting ? Thank you for your attempts at solving the username puzzle . I have not given up yet , but must confess I am currently without leads and pretty much at a loss . Do not fear though , it will be solved before I leave &NAME ! ( Brave words for a chemist . ) I have been spending most of the last week writing my chemistry dissertation . I have now completed a rough draft , which ( thankfully ) my supervisor is " pleasantly surprised " with - I 'm not quite sure how to take that ! Anyway , I have also been finishing my stone circle in our garden , and my dad is going to plant a tree in it next week . Apart from that , I have been indulging in lazy mornings and late nights . Very bad and undisciplined ! Well , I certainly had a busy day today ! I got up at &NUM o' clock and caught a train to &NAME at &NUM : &NUM . After alighting at &NAME station I promptly made my way to the library . There I worked ( toil such as only &NAME would understand ) until &NUM : &NUM , after which I felt within me prognostics of hunger pangs . Henceforth I skipped gaily along to &NAME 's Restaurant of Fine Foods and procured a high quality lunch . Late as it was , the time delay only heightened my appreciation of sumptuous chicken pieces delicately fried in the purest olive oil You know , &NAME only have a bad reputation due to the senior management 's most effective scaremongering tactics . If everyone realised how akin to &NAME their delectable morsels were the chief executives would have no where to eat out for dinner . Very best wishes , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Greetings &NAME , Welcome back . Did you just watch the &CHAR thingy ? &NAME . I 've got a &NAME &NAME &NAME - something like that would be good . &NAME , I 'll email again soon , &CHAR Hi &NAME , What is &NAME ? Is it an operating system ? I informed &NAME and &NAME of the telephone bill once more . I arrived back from &NAME camp yesterday . &NUM intense week of abseiling , go-karting , mountain biking , sport , activities , bible study , prayer , music and meetings . Oh , and yes , there were &NUM &NUM and &NUM year olds as well . Children say the most curious things . I think my &NUM favourites from this week were " are we allowed to get the dinner plates dirty when we eat ? " and 'do you have to sign a form to become a Christian ? " Joking aside though , I enjoyed myself and was immensely relieved not to be sharing a dorm with children this time . Consequently I enjoyed a much more respectable &NUM or &NUM hours sleep each night . More importantly , one of the children made a commitment to &NAME , which was wonderful . Last Tuesday evening we all played &NAME outside in the grounds of the country house we stayed in. &NUM had to dress up as a &NAME , and this I did with some relish . Yesterday evening I went to a concert in &NAME . The &NAME &NAME Philharmonic Orchestra was playing . This afternoon I 've been with my family to &NAME - a nearby country house . It is very warm today and I like it . We had quite a good week , weather wise , for the camp . Tomorrow morning I begin my new job for &NUM weeks . I will be working from &NUM o' clock until &NUM in the lab , and I am quite looking forward to it although I hope it will not be too boring . I 'm very sorry to hear about your car , although I 'm glad to hear you still patronise &NAME 's. &NAME , now , I wonder if you can help me ? I am going to buy a &NAME rewriter , and I would like to be able to put it in my computer . Do you have any advice about which model to go for ? I hope you are well and making the most of the heat wave currently hitting &NAME . All the best , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Greetings &NAME , Yes , another email from me . You must be squirming with excitement . &NAME is an &NAME , yes . I saw someone on TV today who very much reminded me of you - Data from &NAME Next Gen . ! Yes , OK so he 's an android ( humanoid ) but your characteristics are almost identical ! &NUM or &NUM hours of sleep a night ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! That 's not a camp , that 's a holiday ! ! The dog threw-up on the carpet this evening . I 'm going to visit &NAME tomorrow - my uncle 's house is less than an hour away from her 's. I 'm also hoping &NAME &NAME is going to come and visit me this weekend . Heat is GREAT ! ! ! Apart from the flies , which I HATE with a vengeance . They must die . Bye , &NAME Hi &NAME , What is &NAME ? Is it an operating system ? I informed &NAME and &NAME of the telephone bill once more . I arrived back from &NAME camp yesterday . &NUM intense week of abseiling , go-karting , mountain biking , sport , activities , bible study , prayer , music and meetings . Oh , and yes , there were &NUM &NUM and &NUM year olds as well . Children say the most curious things . I think my &NUM favourites from this week were " are we allowed to get the dinner plates dirty when we eat ? " and 'do you have to sign a form to become a Christian ? " Joking aside though , I enjoyed myself and was immensely relieved not to be sharing a dorm with children this time . Consequently I enjoyed a much more respectable &NUM or &NUM hours sleep each night . More importantly , one of the children made a commitment to &NAME , which was wonderful . Last Tuesday evening we all played &NAME outside in the grounds of the country house we stayed in. &NUM had to dress up as a &NAME , and this I did with some relish . Yesterday evening I went to a concert in &NAME . The &NAME &NAME Philharmonic Orchestra was playing . This afternoon I 've been with my family to &NAME - a nearby country house . It is very warm today and I like it . We had quite a good week , weather wise , for the camp . Tomorrow morning I begin my new job for &NUM weeks . I will be working from &NUM o' clock until &NUM in the lab , and I am quite looking forward to it although I hope it will not be too boring . I 'm very sorry to hear about your car , although I 'm glad to hear you still patronise &NAME 's. &NAME , now , I wonder if you can help me ? I am going to buy a &NAME rewriter , and I would like to be able to put it in my computer . Do you have any advice about which model to go for ? I hope you are well and making the most of the heat wave currently hitting &NAME . All the best , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Flat Bills &NAME , You have been an absolutely superb ( if somewhat secretive , overly-extravagant and deceitful &SMILEY ) keeper of the flat wealth , without whom the year in Marshal I would have been a lot , um , nastier . Thanks , &NAME Dear Flat People ( minus &NAME ) , The enclosed document will tell you how much you owe the flat accounts at its closure . ( Except for &NAME , whom the account owes . ) Well , that is it . The flat account is now closed ( expect I 'm still keeping it open really and am going to use it for my own use ) . Have a nice week . &NAME SUBJECT: A message for &NAME Dear &NAME , Hello . What was children 's camp like ? Were you the subject of adoration for multiple teenage girls this time ? Hope you enjoyed it . Are you still living in &NAME ? I 've had Thursday and Friday off work since the harvest has been slow in starting and there was literally nothing for me to do - all painting and tidying completed . Therefore I 've been spending my time doing some Chemistry . Last weekend I spend a lovely few days at &NAME 's house . She ate &NUM slices of pizza on Monday lunchtime at pizza hut and felt rather ill afterwards . Dear , oh dear . I consumed a much more respectable &NUM . After eating &NUM once with &NAME I decided not to attempt a repeat performance . Yesterday morning I went for a walk on the beach which we all went to when the flat came to visit &NAME . It was gloriously sunny and most enjoyable , although I could n't see any remains from our forbidden campfire . Bye , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : A message for &NAME Hi &NAME ! In the present-tential form of the words of the Terminator " I 'm back . " Yes , it certainly was a tiring week , and last night I was absolutely EXHAUSTED . I think one of the hardest things about the camp was the incessant noise . I was leader of &NUM boys and they were just SO NOISY all the time . I thought my brain was going to explode . Still , at least after the first night they quietened down for sleep without too much arm-twisting . Yes , I acquired a number of femal fans during the week and I am now being bombarded with text messages by one of them - oh well . I now have &NAME staying with me , and we will probably attempt to do some shopping today ( do n't tell &NAME ! ) . I wonder if the shops in &NAME are open on Sunday . Life is crazy is n't it - I wonder what it 's all about . Also , I wish that I was better at being myself all the time - then life would be less tiring ( sometimes ) . It sounds like you are being a good chemistry student , so GOOD FOR YOU . &NAME sunscreen , &NAME Dear &NAME , Hello . What was children 's camp like ? Were you the subject of adoration for multiple teenage girls this time ? Hope you enjoyed it . Are you still living in &NAME ? I 've had Thursday and Friday off work since the harvest has been slow in starting and there was literally nothing for me to do - all painting and tidying completed . Therefore I 've been spending my time doing some Chemistry . Last weekend I spend a lovely few days at &NAME 's house . She ate &NUM slices of pizza on Monday lunchtime at pizza hut and felt rather ill afterwards . Dear , oh dear . I consumed a much more respectable &NUM . After eating &NUM once with &NAME I decided not to attempt a repeat performance . Yesterday morning I went for a walk on the beach which we all went to when the flat came to visit &NAME . It was gloriously sunny and most enjoyable , although I could n't see any remains from our forbidden campfire . Bye , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Musings on life , part &NUM . &NAME , &NAME old boy ( as one of my church friends always addresses me ) . Thanks for your text message - thanks for really &NAME your soul and letting it all hang out - great . Am now in my next house , in a little town near &NAME . All is well , and I think I might even be able to set &NAME up soon and record some more music . How 's the work coming ? Today I am going to try and acquire a new digital camera from an internet retailer . Have you discovered the secret of happiness ? If so please tell me . Bye &NAME &NAME , " I was leader of &NUM boys and they were just SO NOISY all the time . " - Tell me about it . It amazes me how much energy children have . " Yes , I acquired a number of female fans during the week and I am now being bombarded with text messages by one of them - oh well . " - A rather half-hearted attempt at feigning disappointment . " I now have &NAME staying with me . " - A word of advice - do n't leave him alone with your duvets . " Life is crazy is n't it - I wonder what it 's all about . Also , I wish that I was better at being myself all the time - then life would be less tiring ( sometimes ) . " - Yes , it 's crazy . Is n't it strange ! ? I feel like musing on existence . I know what you men about being yourself . It seems to be a modern tenet to attain to . Life is easier if you do n't try to be something you 're not . But that 's no reason not to change , or allow yourself to be changed . &NAME , life 's funny , but it 's a lot easier if you look for the good things in it . I like being happy , it 's so relaxing . Well , tomorrow I return to work dear me . I 've got lots of chemistry done this past week - wonderful ! Have a good time with &NAME . &NAME midge repellent , ( I think that could be a hit too - do n't you ? ) &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Musings on life , part &NUM . My friend , I hope you feel better soon ; but what are feelings ? They do not alter fact , only colour it . And all important facts are immutable , so in which shade lies their true colour ? You assume I do n't feel good ? Why ? &CHAR &NAME , Hello . " Thanks for your text message - thanks for really &NAME your soul and letting it all hang out - great . " - Well you do n't exactly do that either , do you ? ? ? " Am now in my next house , in a little town near &NAME . All is well , and I think I might even be able to set &NAME up soon and record some more music . How 's the work coming ? " - &NAME , so you 're back near &NAME again . I 'm glad all is well , are you sure ? Music , &NAME , mmm , good . Well I hope you enjoy that . Work is now busy . I get up at &NUM : &NUM each day ( usually Saturdays too ) and work until &NAME with half an hour for lunch . I analyse nitrogen levels , moisture contents , species , varieties , germination rates , and get very tired ! However , I am learning how hard some jobs are and am glad I am at university . Unfortunately it makes 3rd year appear as these holidays did during the exams ! " Today I am going to try and acquire a new digital camera from an internet retailer . " - Very nice . Are you happy with it ? " Have you discovered the secret of happiness ? If so please tell me . " - No , I have not , except perhaps , not to look for it all the time . I hope you feel better soon ; but what are feelings ? They do not alter fact , only colour it . And all important facts are immutable , so in which shade lies their true colour ? Bye , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Musings on life , part &NUM . My dear &NAME , I actually feel quite good at the moment , but as you say feelings are fickle . However , if I could find the secret of happiness then maybe I could feel great all the time ? ! ? Anyway , I 've just bought a new digital camera ( do n't tell &NAME ) . Bye , &NAME &NAME , " You assume I do n't feel good ? Why ? " - Because you said " Have you discovered the secret of happiness ? If so please tell me . " If you are happy then why are you looking for something you have ? Do you feel good ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : grand get-together Guys , It 's really not that big a thing if I ca n't make it , so by all means have it on the 15th , it makes sense . If any / all of you were going to stay at &NAME 's I may well be able to get there late and see you then and Sunday . Just a thought , but &NAME , I think you 'd better just say the 15th as it 's getting a bit late and the longer you leave it the more red faced the blonde from up north will get ... Love you , &NAME Could we get some degree of noise out of you people as to yes or no. .. if it 's looking good I 'll book my train tickets ... if not strangely enough I wo n't! ! &NAME Friends , Romans and Countrypeople , As some of you might know , &NAME and I are cunningly planning a 'Marshal A & &CHAR + extras " get-together . We have ruminated and cogitated and are proposing as a possiblility the weekend of the &NUM / &NUM / 16th of September at &NAME 's house ( &NAME ) . We need to know who can / ca n't make it on those days , and then we can take it from there . WE MUST KNOW SOON ! Please get back to me &NAME . " Till we meet again and the foe is vanquished , &NAME Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : IMPORTANT I can only really make that weekend , but if you change it , do n't worry about it ... I 'll see you all soon . &NAME From : " &NAME " To : " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , 'Millza ( &NAME ) " , " &NAME , &NAME " , &NAME , &NAME " Subject : IMPORTANT Date : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM &NAME , I have had quite a few replies and it seems that only &NAME will definitely not be able to make the aforementioned weekend ( is that a DEFINITE NO &NAME ? ) , so . ... This is what we 're going to do : Please reply to this message , telling me whether you can / ca n't make the following dates . I suggest you copy the dates straight out of this email and just put " yes " , " no " or " part " beside the date to say whether you can / ca n't it then ( " part " if you can only make part of it ) . The dates are as follows ( the following is what you are going to copy and send back to me , with your own input ) : Weekend &NUM / &NUM : Weekend &NUM / &NUM / &NUM : &NAME : Regards , &NAME Friends , Romans and Countrypeople , As some of you might know , &NAME and I are cunningly planning a 'Marshal A & &CHAR + extras " get-together . We have ruminated and cogitated and are proposing as a possiblility the weekend of the &NUM / &NUM / 16th of September at &NAME 's house ( &NAME ) . We need to know who can / ca n't make it on those days , and then we can take it from there . WE MUST KNOW SOON ! Please get back to me &NAME . " Till we meet again and the foe is vanquished , &NAME Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : grand get-together hello everyone . I have recieved part of an e-mail conversation about the weekend . it is very strange to only read part of it but I 'm sure you all know what 's going on . Anyway , I can make the original weekend . I do n't think I 'll be able to make this weekend as I 'm going to &NAME 's ( unless we met there &NAME ? ) but I do n't know if I can make any other days especially in the weekdays . . ... hmmm ... &NAME I do n't understand how to copy e-mails but I think I 've told you the answer anyway , ummmm . ... hope evryone is ok . I have been varnishing doors in our extension today whilst having a discussion on taxation with our &NAME and my friend &NAME . It is disgusting how little nurses get paid in relation to footballers ! love to you all . &NAME I am replying to your letter ... just very slowly . &NAME I have an &NAME &NAME poetry book that you can have because my Mum bought it second hand . looking forward to seeing you all wether in the next few weeks or in &NAME . &NAME welcome home . &NAME &NAME for the newspaper article . Glad to see that I am in good and beautiful company . &NAME . . . ... when do you go ? Will write v.soon . LOADS of love &NAME xx From : " &NAME &NAME " To : " &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , 'Millza ( &NAME ) " , " &NAME , &NAME " Subject : Re : grand get-together Date : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Could we get some degree of noise out of you people as to yes or no. .. if it 's looking good I 'll book my train tickets ... if not strangely enough I wo n't! ! &NAME Friends , Romans and Countrypeople , As some of you might know , &NAME and I are cunningly planning a 'Marshal A & &CHAR + extras " get-together . We have ruminated and cogitated and are proposing as a possiblility the weekend of the &NUM / &NUM / 16th of September at &NAME 's house ( &NAME ) . We need to know who can / ca n't make it on those days , and then we can take it from there . WE MUST KNOW SOON ! Please get back to me &NAME . " Till we meet again and the foe is vanquished , &NAME Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : IMPORTANT ( br) ( br) ( br) ( br) ( br) ( br)Hello people ! Got back from &NAME on Saturday and have n't had the chance to check my emails till now . &NAME ! I 've just had to read SO many about some fun-sounding get-together in &NAME ! Here 's my little reply : Weekend &NUM / &NUM : probably not Weekend &NUM / &NUM / &NUM : best for me Weekdays : nah ! So , yes , I probably will be able to make the weekend everyone else seems keen on ( apart from &NAME and &NAME ) , but it will depend on train costs ( which I 'll now investigate ; I am skint ) and who else goes . You know I 'd LOVE to see you all , but the incentive to go would be even greater if I knew that &NAME and &NAME were going as I wo n't see them for AGES if they do n't, and I will be seeing you others &NUM weeks later ! Can you make it you guys ? Hope so . Keep me posted . Bye for now , love you all , &NAME xxx PS - I 'm seeing &NAME on Wednesday ! &NAME and &NAME &CHAR are going to see the &NAME match at &NAME &NAME " Park on wed night , so &NAME is coming to see me then ! Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : that sounds very cool . see you then everyone although &NAME I 'll see you on sunday . ( am looking forward to it very much ) muchos love from the hamillgirl From : " &NAME &NAME " To : " &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , " &NAME &NAME " , " &NAME " , " &NAME , &NAME " , 'Millza ( &NAME ) " , &NAME , &NAME " &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM My dear and distant friends , scattered amongst the nether-reaches of this fair and fabled land , Greetings . As it stands ( people-wise ) right now , for the grand get-together on the weekend of the 14-16th at my place . ... Me ( possibly - ( joke ) ) &NAME &NAME ( Yes ) &NAME ( Yes ) &NAME ( yes ) &NAME ( hopefully yes ) &NAME ( arriving on Sat night - yes ) &NAME ( due to some brilliant negotiating - yes ) &NAME ( Hopefully yes ) &NAME ( Yes ) &NAME ( yes ) &NAME ( no responce as yet - can someone give me his number please ? ) &NAME ( unfortunatly -no ) And tonight &NAME suggested inviting &NAME too , so hopefully he might be able to come as well . ( Please someone forward this on to him ! -Thanks ) Tell me if I 've got any of these wrong ... What I need from you is : approximate date and time of arrival And when you come bring with you - sleeping bags pillow water bottle . ( I 've got lots of mattresses , so no need to bring them ) And with regards to FOOD ... as &NAME said , it would be helpful if you brought something . The way I think it is best to work this out is as follows . Watch me delegate . &NUM ) I 'm out from &NUM : &NUM on friday night , ( my parents " 25th ) but &NAME will be here ( Is that possible , &NAME ? ) . He can be me . So , if &NAME can be in charge of supper for those of you who will be here on that night , that would be very helpful . &NAME , there is a very good Fish + &NAME shop nearby , which means you could order that if you want . &NUM ) Saturday Breakfast - I 'll handle this , cooking a feast of French Toast and &NAME , etc &NUM ) Saturday Lunch - Perhaps &NUM people could handle this - &NAME + &NAME . If you could get stuff to make ( perhaps a picnic ) lunch for the people who will be here . If it is picnic , then that gives us flexiblilty . &NUM ) Saturday night - you will be treated to a &NAME ( which I 'll deal with ) Could &NUM people bring things to make a salad with ( &NAME + &NAME ) and could &NUM people bring a desert ( &NAME + &NAME ( &NAME - I know you are coming from &NAME , so if you ca n't do this - worry not ! ) ) &NUM ) Sunday breakfast - cereal + toast or something simple like that ( I 'll handle it ) &NUM ) Sunday lunch - &NAME + garlic bread . ( I 'll do this ) Could &NUM people bring deserts there ? &NAME + &NAME . &NAME , &NAME , and &NAME , if you CAN come ... ( and read this e-mail ) either bring some munchables ( anyone else is welcome to do this too ! ) And if anyone is coming in a car and wants to bring some liquids ( juices for bfast + coke etc ) with them ( &NAME ) that would be great . Do n't bring drinks if you are on the train - too heavy I 'm sure ! Tell me if this is a problem . So , your responce to this e-mail will be prompt ( click now on reply ) saying if this sound ok or not to you , and then we can work out any details or hick ups which may arise ... Keep smiling ! &NAME Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Re : &NAME in &NAME Dear assorted wonderful people , After reading many e-mails ( &NUM ) about a marvellous-sounding proposed weekend in &NAME , I regret to inform you that I will be unable to attend . &NAME , &NUM cannot get off work that weekend . Therefore I wish you all a most enjoyable weekend and I hope to see you &NUM weeks later in &NAME &NAME . With deepest regrets at missing such a fun-sounding time , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME in &NAME NO ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! , " &NAME &NAME " , " &NAME " , " &EMAIL &NAME " , 'Millza ( &NAME ) " , " &EMAIL &NAME " Subject : Re : &NAME in &NAME &NAME : &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &NUM : &NUM : &NUM &NUM Dear assorted wonderful people , After reading many e-mails ( &NUM ) about a marvellous-sounding proposed weekend in &NAME , I regret to inform you that I will be unable to attend . &NAME , &NUM cannot get off work that weekend . Therefore I wish you all a most enjoyable weekend and I hope to see you &NUM weeks later in &NAME &NAME . With deepest regrets at missing such a fun-sounding time , &NAME Get your FREE download of &NAME Explorer at &WEBSITE SUBJECT: Musings on life , part &NUM . &NAME , " I was leader of &NUM boys and they were just SO NOISY all the time . " - Tell me about it . It amazes me how much energy children have . " Yes , I acquired a number of female fans during the week and I am now being bombarded with text messages by one of them - oh well . " - A rather half-hearted attempt at feigning disappointment . " I now have &NAME staying with me . " - A word of advice - do n't leave him alone with your duvets . " Life is crazy is n't it - I wonder what it 's all about . Also , I wish that I was better at being myself all the time - then life would be less tiring ( sometimes ) . " - Yes , it 's crazy . Is n't it strange ! ? I feel like musing on existence . I know what you men about being yourself . It seems to be a modern tenet to attain to . Life is easier if you do n't try to be something you 're not . But that 's no reason not to change , or allow yourself to be changed . &NAME , life 's funny , but it 's a lot easier if you look for the good things in it . I like being happy , it 's so relaxing . Well , tomorrow I return to work dear me . I 've got lots of chemistry done this past week - wonderful ! Have a good time with &NAME . &NAME midge repellent , ( I think that could be a hit too - do n't you ? ) &NAME SUBJECT: Musings on life , part &NUM . &NAME , Hello . " Thanks for your text message - thanks for really &NAME your soul and letting it all hang out - great . " - Well you do n't exactly do that either , do you ? ? ? " Am now in my next house , in a little town near &NAME . All is well , and I think I might even be able to set &NAME up soon and record some more music . How 's the work coming ? " - &NAME , so you 're back near &NAME again . I 'm glad all is well , are you sure ? Music , &NAME , mmm , good . Well I hope you enjoy that . Work is now busy . I get up at &NUM : &NUM each day ( usually Saturdays too ) and work until &NAME with half an hour for lunch . I analyse nitrogen levels , moisture contents , species , varieties , germination rates , and get very tired ! However , I am learning how hard some jobs are and am glad I am at university . Unfortunately it makes 3rd year appear as these holidays did during the exams ! " Today I am going to try and acquire a new digital camera from an internet retailer . " - Very nice . Are you happy with it ? " Have you discovered the secret of happiness ? If so please tell me . " - No , I have not , except perhaps , not to look for it all the time . I hope you feel better soon ; but what are feelings ? They do not alter fact , only colour it . And all important facts are immutable , so in which shade lies their true colour ? Bye , &NAME SUBJECT: Musings on life , part &NUM . &NAME , " You assume I do n't feel good ? Why ? " - Because you said " Have you discovered the secret of happiness ? If so please tell me . " If you are happy then why are you looking for something you have ? Do you feel good ? &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME says hi &NAME , Hello . Firstly , thank you for sending the " lucre " e-mail . Your classification of &NAME ( at least I assume it was he ) was rather amusing . It was really great to hear from you the other night . Thanks for calling . &NAME suggested you all kidnap me from work - I like that idea very much ! Yesterday morning I was working , but in the afternoon I went up to &NAME and bought a pair of shoes . I am now in the rather frivolous position of having &NUM pairs of shoes . Last night I had a wonderfully luxurious hot bath , which I enjoyed immensely . This morning I have been at church and am now looking forward to a delicious stir-fry for lunch . I have decided that I am only going to write up another &NUM chemistry lectures before next term , after which I will relax / turn my attention to more interesting pursuits in the evenings . Bye , and enjoy next weekend . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Freeserve Hi &NAME , Thanks for the Freeserve number . Unfortunately I needed it in order to see if I could connect to the internet , so I could n't actually receive it via e-mail until that nasty virus was eradicated . &NAME &NAME is now much better . I got a nice little program from my &NAME company 's site on the internet which found and destroyed the virus . Excellent . Anyway , I have now finished work ! I am very happy . This morning I had such a lovely lazy time . Are you anxious to get back to &NAME tomorrow ? I guess you 'll be there by the time you read this . Hope you are settling in well in your new room . I shall be in &NAME briefly on Monday around midday to drop of all me stuff , then my Mum is taking me to &NAME to get material for my duvet ( and bin ) cover . I will then be back in college for tea , ready to start a new term - hopefully ! Looking forward to seeing you . Very best wishes , &NAME SUBJECT: My spirit is there . Is yours ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : - I was there in &NAME and Truth , and enjoyed it immensely . Apart from the last dance , by which time I was fed up . &CHAR &NAME wrote : My spirit is there . Is yours ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : - What was the last dance ? I hope you were n't in bed too late &NAME &NAME . &NAME &NAME wrote : I was there in &NAME and Truth , and enjoyed it immensely . Apart from the last dance , by which time I was fed up . &CHAR &NAME wrote : My spirit is there . Is yours ? &NAME SUBJECT: Regarding your client 's mounting debts . Dear &NAME &NAME , Firstly may I say that it is a pleasure to once more do business with your firm . In light of recent correspondance from your client , Miss &NAME , I am following her instructions to collect her debt from yourself . The purpose of this letter is to open preliminary negotiations as to the how , when , and how much of the money is to be collected . The amount stipulated is £ &NUM but we must remember that this has been outstanding for a good many months . Therefore at this stage I feel moved to compassion and will await an offer of suitable recompense . I hope I need not get heavy-handed with your firm &NAME &NAME , as I hold it , and yourself , in the highest admiration - for a money-laundering company . Your sincerely , &NAME &NAME ( " We collect debt - however it is deemed necessary " ) SUBJECT: Re : Regarding your client 's mounting debts . &NAME , &NAME never actually gave me her money , so you must get it from her . Later , &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME &NAME , Firstly may I say that it is a pleasure to once more do business with your firm . In light of recent correspondance from your client , Miss &NAME , I am following her instructions to collect her debt from yourself . The purpose of this letter is to open preliminary negotiations as to the how , when , and how much of the money is to be collected . The amount stipulated is £ &NUM but we must remember that this has been outstanding for a good many months . Therefore at this stage I feel moved to compassion and will await an offer of suitable recompense . I hope I need not get heavy-handed with your firm &NAME &NAME , as I hold it , and yourself , in the highest admiration - for a money-laundering company . Your sincerely , &NAME &NAME ( " We collect debt - however it is deemed necessary " ) SUBJECT: Re : Regarding your client 's mounting debts . Dear dear - scandalous girl . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , &NAME never actually gave me her money , so you must get it from her . Later , &CHAR &NAME wrote : Dear &NAME &NAME , Firstly may I say that it is a pleasure to once more do business with your firm . In light of recent correspondance from your client , Miss &NAME , I am following her instructions to collect her debt from yourself . The purpose of this letter is to open preliminary negotiations as to the how , when , and how much of the money is to be collected . The amount stipulated is £ &NUM but we must remember that this has been outstanding for a good many months . Therefore at this stage I feel moved to compassion and will await an offer of suitable recompense . I hope I need not get heavy-handed with your firm &NAME &NAME , as I hold it , and yourself , in the highest admiration - for a money-laundering company . Your sincerely , &NAME &NAME ( " We collect debt - however it is deemed necessary " ) SUBJECT: State your location &NAME &NAME , &CHAR require to know where you are at this moment . &NAME &NAME and myself have been trying to contact you all evening . Please telephone me . Sincerely , &NAME &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi &NAME ! Good morning &NAME ! Yes , I am indeed at my desk . I am currently struggling with the FLIPPING FORMATTING IN WORD . &NAME ! It is about to drive me nuts . Why ca n't it be sensible about outline numbering ? ? ? ? College is very quiet . I quite like it , although I think it would get somewhat boring if I stayed here for too long . &NAME and I went to her house last night . It was a good time , and I managed to mess up one of the keys on her piano whilst trying to fix it ! Not so good . Anyway , we had a nice stir-fry and she has just left this morning . I am seriously going to miss my internet connection when I go home . &NAME well , only a few weeks before I am reunited with the ether . &NAME , have a good day and say hi to &NAME for me . &NAME Hi &NAME ! Are you busy working ? I am intending to begin today . Intending being the operative word . It is quite cold here in &NAME , but my parents have kindly said I may put the heating on if I begin to freeze . I spend most of yesterday getting all my stuff unpacked - quite a task . I 'm having chicken risotto for lunch ; and looking forward to it immensely . Last night I watched an episode of Voyager - a very good one actually . I 'm hoping you 're sitting at your desk with &NAME when you receive this so that you can reply , but perhaps you 're not . By the way , whatever you did to &NAME seems to have worked . I do n't have to log in when I start up any more ! The new backgrounds are lovely too . So , how is everyone in college ? How many of you are still left ? Is it lonely ? What do you think of &NAME more or less without its students ? Did you go to &NAME 's house yesterday ? Hope you have a good day . &NAME SUBJECT: holla &NAME , whassup my main man ? Have they put you back together yet ? What was it like ? Did the nurse help you to have a shower ? ? ? Anyway , I hope you 're checking your emails ; I 'm back from snowboarding and so life can continue . It was great fun - amazing scenery and plenty of bruises ! I fell over on average about &NUM time a day . But it was great fun and I would love to go again . Now I am going to try and get some more uni work done , although I wo n't have much time what with New Year , etc. When are you coming back to &NAME ? See you soon , &NAME SUBJECT: Hi &NAME ! Hi &NAME ! Are you busy working ? I am intending to begin today . Intending being the operative word . It is quite cold here in &NAME , but my parents have kindly said I may put the heating on if I begin to freeze . I spend most of yesterday getting all my stuff unpacked - quite a task . I 'm having chicken risotto for lunch ; and looking forward to it immensely . Last night I watched an episode of Voyager - a very good one actually . I 'm hoping you 're sitting at your desk with &NAME when you receive this so that you can reply , but perhaps you 're not . By the way , whatever you did to &NAME seems to have worked . I do n't have to log in when I start up any more ! The new backgrounds are lovely too . So , how is everyone in college ? How many of you are still left ? Is it lonely ? What do you think of &NAME more or less without its students ? Did you go to &NAME 's house yesterday ? Hope you have a good day . &NAME SUBJECT: ricardos Table booked for &NUM : &NUM . Incidentally , I think &CHAR 2k + &NUM is actually a better axiom being that &NUM is an integer and causes problems for &CHAR 2k - &NUM . See you later , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ricardos Thanks &NAME ! &NAME yes , &NUM again ... Very true . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Table booked for &NUM : &NUM . Incidentally , I think &CHAR 2k + &NUM is actually a better axiom being that &NUM is an integer and causes problems for &CHAR 2k - &NUM . See you later , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ricardos Actually , the definition is incorrect , because &CHAR must be a natural number , not an integer ! &CHAR Thanks &NAME ! &NAME yes , &NUM again ... Very true . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Table booked for &NUM : &NUM . Incidentally , I think &CHAR 2k + &NUM is actually a better axiom being that &NUM is an integer and causes problems for &CHAR 2k - &NUM . See you later , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ricardos What is a natural number ? Tell me over dinner . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Actually , the definition is incorrect , because &CHAR must be a natural number , not an integer ! &CHAR Thanks &NAME ! &NAME yes , &NUM again ... Very true . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Table booked for &NUM : &NUM . Incidentally , I think &CHAR 2k + &NUM is actually a better axiom being that &NUM is an integer and causes problems for &CHAR 2k - &NUM . See you later , &NAME SUBJECT: hmmm So actually of course , we can forget what I said earlier about natural numbers and revert to our original definition &CHAR 2k -/+ &NUM Deep sigh , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : hmmm &NAME , Why can we forget whatyou said earlier about natural numbers ? You appear to have lost me . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : So actually of course , we can forget what I said earlier about natural numbers and revert to our original definition &CHAR 2k -/+ &NUM Deep sigh , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : hmmm Because &CHAR is not limited to positive numbers . &NAME , Why can we forget whatyou said earlier about natural numbers ? You appear to have lost me . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : So actually of course , we can forget what I said earlier about natural numbers and revert to our original definition &CHAR 2k -/+ &NUM Deep sigh , &NAME SUBJECT: 'My precious ... " Good morning &NAME , I hope you are enjoying eating raw fishes in dark and damp caves . Have you lost your ring ? What have I got in my pocket ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : 'My precious ... " &NAME , &NAME my precious , I would n't like to speculate on what you 've got in your pocket ... How are " things " ? How was the train station ? &NAME got some trainers , but I did n't. See you soon , &NAME Good morning &NAME , I hope you are enjoying eating raw fishes in dark and damp caves . Have you lost your ring ? What have I got in my pocket ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME Tomorrow evening was not on the list therefore it is not possible . One of us will not be in. &NAME Sunday then - unless &NAME or &NAME cannot make it . I am sure they will let us know soon . And who on earth is " &CHAR " anyway ? &NAME &NAME wrote : How about tomorrow evening ? ? ? Sunday also sounds good . &CHAR Good evening , It has been brought to my attention that the members of this crew are suffering from severe &NAME &NAME withdrawl symptoms - I myself included . &NAME , enough of that . If you want to watch &NAME &NAME at all this term then reply to this email promptly . If you do n't - fine . Possible times for collective viewing : Sunday evening ( 17th ) Tuesday evening ( 19th ) Wednesday evening ( 20th ) Thursday evening ( 21st ) Sunday evening ( 24th ) Please let me know the earliest time convenient . A very special hologram SUBJECT: chat &NAME , I think you me and &NAME need to sit down sometime fairly soon for a proper chat about accomodation next year . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : chat &NAME , I think it is essential we do this . I suggest tomorrow afternoon / evening . Let me know today what time would be suitable ( &NAME too ) . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , I think you me and &NAME need to sit down sometime fairly soon for a proper chat about accomodation next year . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : chat How about meeting after dinner at about &NUM : &NUM ? &CHAR &NAME , I think it is essential we do this . I suggest tomorrow afternoon / evening . Let me know today what time would be suitable ( &NAME too ) . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , I think you me and &NAME need to sit down sometime fairly soon for a proper chat about accomodation next year . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : chat 7: &NUM is perfect . Venue ? ? ? &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : How about meeting after dinner at about &NUM : &NUM ? &CHAR &NAME , I think it is essential we do this . I suggest tomorrow afternoon / evening . Let me know today what time would be suitable ( &NAME too ) . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , I think you me and &NAME need to sit down sometime fairly soon for a proper chat about accomodation next year . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : chat Your room ? ? Make sure you have food ready . &CHAR 7: &NUM is perfect . Venue ? ? ? &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : How about meeting after dinner at about &NUM : &NUM ? &CHAR &NAME , I think it is essential we do this . I suggest tomorrow afternoon / evening . Let me know today what time would be suitable ( &NAME too ) . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , I think you me and &NAME need to sit down sometime fairly soon for a proper chat about accomodation next year . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : chat Dear &NAME & &NAME , &NAME , my room it is . I will have been shopping that afternoon so you will have plenty to eat . Do n't be late . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Your room ? ? Make sure you have food ready . &CHAR 7: &NUM is perfect . Venue ? ? ? &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : How about meeting after dinner at about &NUM : &NUM ? &CHAR &NAME , I think it is essential we do this . I suggest tomorrow afternoon / evening . Let me know today what time would be suitable ( &NAME too ) . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : proper SUBJECT: MY BIRTHDAY Friends , Romans and Countrymen , I am soon to be &NUM years old . Thus , as the veritable granddaddy of &NAME 's college , I would like to invite you to celebrate my birthday with me by partaking of food and drink at a local establishment ( not sure where yet - see below ) on Sunday March 3rd ( my birthday ) at about &NUM : &NUM pm . The thing is this ... I NEED YOU TO REPLY &NAME to let me know if you can come , because I need to get a rough idea of numbers before I book anywhere . Also , if I have left somebody off the list it is ( probably ) not deliberate ! So please invite them as well , BUT &NAME ME KNOW ! Finally , PLEASE do n't feel obliged to come . If you ca n't afford a meal out , or you need to work , etc. then that is FINE - I 'll just catch up with you another time . THE &NAME , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : MY BIRTHDAY Hideous shape with whom I am not pleased , I would like to be at your birthday meal . Please register my disapproval that it is planned for a Sunday and that you have too many friends with whom I am not well aquainted . Have a nice day . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Friends , Romans and Countrymen , I am soon to be &NUM years old . Thus , as the veritable granddaddy of &NAME 's college , I would like to invite you to celebrate my birthday with me by partaking of food and drink at a local establishment ( not sure where yet - see below ) on Sunday March 3rd ( my birthday ) at about &NUM : &NUM pm . The thing is this ... I NEED YOU TO REPLY &NAME to let me know if you can come , because I need to get a rough idea of numbers before I book anywhere . Also , if I have left somebody off the list it is ( probably ) not deliberate ! So please invite them as well , BUT &NAME ME KNOW ! Finally , PLEASE do n't feel obliged to come . If you ca n't afford a meal out , or you need to work , etc. then that is FINE - I 'll just catch up with you another time . THE &NAME , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : MY BIRTHDAY noted . Hideous shape with whom I am not pleased , I would like to be at your birthday meal . Please register my disapproval that it is planned for a Sunday and that you have too many friends with whom I am not well aquainted . Have a nice day . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Friends , Romans and Countrymen , I am soon to be &NUM years old . Thus , as the veritable granddaddy of &NAME 's college , I would like to invite you to celebrate my birthday with me by partaking of food and drink at a local establishment ( not sure where yet - see below ) on Sunday March 3rd ( my birthday ) at about &NUM : &NUM pm . The thing is this ... I NEED YOU TO REPLY &NAME to let me know if you can come , because I need to get a rough idea of numbers before I book anywhere . Also , if I have left somebody off the list it is ( probably ) not deliberate ! So please invite them as well , BUT &NAME ME KNOW ! Finally , PLEASE do n't feel obliged to come . If you ca n't afford a meal out , or you need to work , etc. then that is FINE - I 'll just catch up with you another time . THE &NAME , &NAME SUBJECT: UPDATE OK , I have booked tables at the Raj-pooth on Claypath for &NUM : &NUM . Further details will follow . PLEASE let me know if you can / ca n't come & thanks to those who have already replied : &CHAR ) . Fare ye well , &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Boys , I am LOVING the &NAME . It is on now , and somewhat distracting me from my work ! But hey , if I was n't listening to it I 'd be a man of constant sorrow . So , to use a rather cheesy cliche ... Thanks for being such great friends ! See you soon , &NAME SUBJECT: My profound hope Good morning Sir , I trust you will have most interesting day today . With wishes from &NAME SUBJECT: Re : My profound hope &NAME Mr. &NAME , Ever yours , &NAME Good morning Sir , I trust you will have most interesting day today . With wishes from &NAME SUBJECT: Re : A long time ago in a galaxy far far away ... part &NUM Hmmmm. Dear &NAME ... We all want answers ... do n't we ? Sometimes it 's nice to have questions too though . You only get yummy chocolate cake if you come to our bible study group . You do not , although you might want to request a transfer for reasons of gastronomic delight . By the way , if you were thinking of visiting me and eating chocolate at the same time then I must warn you that I have eaten all the chocolate cake last night and there is only coffee cake left . I hope you are satisfied , my lord , &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : WHAT YUMMY CHOCOLATE CAKE ? ? ? ? WHY DID N'T I GET ANY ? ? ? ? ANSWERS , I WANT ANSWERS ! ! ! ! ! &CHAR &NAME I only helped choose the coke and stuff - &NAME bought it . Maybe I 'll get it this week ... &NAME ... ice cream ! Thanks for the icecream and huge bottle of coke last week guys - we 're still drinking it I think ! Are you sure you do n't want any dinner on &NAME &NAME ? After that yummy chocolate cake you fed us last night ... : &CHAR Also - we want to give you plenty of time to " be warned " about &NAME ! If you 're busy , that 's fine - you 're welcome up anytime . Love &NAME x &NAME wrote : Hello ! Friday is fine . I will probaly arrive at about &NUM : 15pm . Do you need more ice cream ? &NAME &NAME wrote : makes the &NAME time ? 'dinner " time ! ! SUBJECT: Re : A long time ago in a galaxy far far away ... part &NUM &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ... You are quite a character . Have a good afternoon ! &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Hmmmm. Dear &NAME ... We all want answers ... do n't we ? Sometimes it 's nice to have questions too though . You only get yummy chocolate cake if you come to our bible study group . You do not , although you might want to request a transfer for reasons of gastronomic delight . By the way , if you were thinking of visiting me and eating chocolate at the same time then I must warn you that I have eaten all the chocolate cake last night and there is only coffee cake left . I hope you are satisfied , my lord , &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : WHAT YUMMY CHOCOLATE CAKE ? ? ? ? WHY DID N'T I GET ANY ? ? ? ? ANSWERS , I WANT ANSWERS ! ! ! ! ! &CHAR &NAME I only helped choose the coke and stuff - &NAME bought it . Maybe I 'll get it this week ... &NAME ... ice cream ! Thanks for the icecream and huge bottle of coke last week guys - we 're still drinking it I think ! Are you sure you do n't want any dinner on &NAME &NAME ? After that yummy chocolate cake you fed us last night ... : &CHAR Also - we want to give you plenty of time to " be warned " about &NAME ! If you 're busy , that 's fine - you 're welcome up anytime . Love &NAME x &NAME wrote : makes the &NAME time ? 'dinner " time ! ! SUBJECT: Re : A long time ago in a galaxy far far away ... part &NUM &NAME &NAME . And to you . &CHAR &NAME , &NAME , &NAME ... You are quite a character . Have a good afternoon ! &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Hmmmm. Dear &NAME ... We all want answers ... do n't we ? Sometimes it 's nice to have questions too though . You only get yummy chocolate cake if you come to our bible study group . You do not , although you might want to request a transfer for reasons of gastronomic delight . By the way , if you were thinking of visiting me and eating chocolate at the same time then I must warn you that I have eaten all the chocolate cake last night and there is only coffee cake left . I hope you are satisfied , my lord , &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : WHAT YUMMY CHOCOLATE CAKE ? ? ? ? WHY DID N'T I GET ANY ? ? ? ? ANSWERS , I WANT ANSWERS ! ! ! ! ! &CHAR &NAME I only helped choose the coke and stuff - &NAME bought it . Maybe I 'll get it this week ... we 're yummy you fine - need what makes that the &NAME good time ? 'dinner " on time ! ! SUBJECT: Email number &NUM ... Dear &NAME , Hopefully it will please you to add this to your collection of my emails ... I do trust you take heed to the words of the attachment I am sending you . I see you as &NAME &NAME - a notorious menace ... Only kidding . Have a good afternoon . My room has been taken over my the geology department . &NAME has a colleague in there now too ... &NAME &NAME Have I beaten &NAME now ? SUBJECT: Re : Email number &NUM ... Attachment ? ? ? Dear &NAME , Hopefully it will please you to add this to your collection of my emails ... I do trust you take heed to the words of the attachment I am sending you . I see you as &NAME &NAME - a notorious menace ... Only kidding . Have a good afternoon . My room has been taken over my the geology department . &NAME has a colleague in there now too ... &NAME &NAME Have I beaten &NAME now ? SUBJECT: Re : Hey &NAME , I have had a really nice evening . I worked until &NUM : &NUM , then went to watch TV with &NAME for a bit , and then at about &NUM : &NUM I went to a cheese and wine party at &NAME &NAME 's house ( a Cranmerite ) . I ate LOADS of cheese and grapes and things . It was fantastic ! Do n't you just love music ! &NAME , &NAME Hi &NAME ! How are you this evening ? Was football good ? I 've been to see " Guys and &NAME " - very good . Although , I was sitting next to &NAME and he was getting rather hot under the collar at some points . I 'm sure he 'll tell you about it . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Football was cancelled . &SMILEY &CHAR Hi &NAME ! How are you this evening ? Was football good ? I 've been to see " Guys and &NAME " - very good . Although , I was sitting next to &NAME and he was getting rather hot under the collar at some points . I 'm sure he 'll tell you about it . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME , Sorry to hear football was cancelled . Tell me - did you watch TV in " &NAME " TV room ? You must be very courageous ! Did they have &NAME at the cheese and wine party ? Glad to hear you enjoyed it . Yes , I love music . It is wonderul and very stirring . Hope you have a great day . See you later . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Hey &NAME , I have had a really nice evening . I worked until &NUM : &NUM , then went to watch TV with &NAME for a bit , and then at about &NUM : &NUM I went to a cheese and wine party at &NAME &NAME 's house ( a Cranmerite ) . I ate LOADS of cheese and grapes and things . It was fantastic ! Do n't you just love music ! &NAME , &NAME Hi &NAME ! How are you this evening ? Was football good ? I 've been to see " Guys and &NAME " - very good . Although , I was sitting next to &NAME and he was getting rather hot under the collar at some points . I 'm sure he 'll tell you about it . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME , Yes , in the &NAME TV room ! ! ! ! I was quaking in my very-trendy skateboarding trainers . They did indeed have &NAME at the party because I BROUGHT IT ! I bet you 're not going to formal ... oh well . Till we meet again and the case is solv-ed , &CHAR &NAME , Sorry to hear football was cancelled . Tell me - did you watch TV in " &NAME " TV room ? You must be very courageous ! Did they have &NAME at the cheese and wine party ? Glad to hear you enjoyed it . Yes , I love music . It is wonderul and very stirring . Hope you have a great day . See you later . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Hey &NAME , I have had a really nice evening . I worked until &NUM : &NUM , then went to watch TV with &NAME for a bit , and then at about &NUM : &NUM I went to a cheese and wine party at &NAME &NAME 's house ( a Cranmerite ) . I ate LOADS of cheese and grapes and things . It was fantastic ! Do n't you just love music ! &NAME , &NAME Hi &NAME ! How are you this evening ? Was football good ? I 've been to see " Guys and &NAME " - very good . Although , I was sitting next to &NAME and he was getting rather hot under the collar at some points . I 'm sure he 'll tell you about it . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME , &NAME ! ! ! &NAME , I 'm not going to formal ... Never mind , etc. Till we meet again indeed . What is the case ? I like cases ... Is n't life wonderful ? &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , Yes , in the &NAME TV room ! ! ! ! I was quaking in my very-trendy skateboarding trainers . They did indeed have &NAME at the party because I BROUGHT IT ! I bet you 're not going to formal ... oh well . Till we meet again and the case is solv-ed , &CHAR &NAME , Sorry to hear football was cancelled . Tell me - did you watch TV in " &NAME " TV room ? You must be very courageous ! Did they have &NAME at the cheese and wine party ? Glad to hear you enjoyed it . Yes , I love music . It is wonderul and very stirring . Hope you have a great day . See you later . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Hey &NAME , I have had a really nice evening . I worked until &NUM : &NUM , then went to watch TV with &NAME for a bit , and then at about &NUM : &NUM I went to a cheese and wine party at &NAME &NAME 's house ( a Cranmerite ) . I ate LOADS of cheese and grapes and things . It was fantastic ! Do n't you just love music ! &NAME , &NAME Hi &NAME ! How are you this evening ? Was football good ? I 've been to see " Guys and &NAME " - very good . Although , I was sitting next to &NAME and he was getting rather hot under the collar at some points . I 'm sure he 'll tell you about it . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : It is the case that all men are mortal . It is also the case that Socrates is a man . Therefore , it must be the case that Socrates is mortal . &NAME . &CHAR &NAME , &NAME ! ! ! &NAME , I 'm not going to formal ... Never mind , etc. Till we meet again indeed . What is the case ? I like cases ... Is n't life wonderful ? &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , Yes , in the &NAME TV room ! ! ! ! I was quaking in my very-trendy skateboarding trainers . They did indeed have &NAME at the party because I BROUGHT IT ! I bet you 're not going to formal ... oh well . Till we meet again and the case is solv-ed , &CHAR &NAME , Sorry to hear football was cancelled . Tell me - did you watch TV in " &NAME " TV room ? You must be very courageous ! Did they have &NAME at the cheese and wine party ? Glad to hear you enjoyed it . Yes , I love music . It is wonderul and very stirring . Hope you have a great day . See you later . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Hey &NAME , I have had a really nice evening . I worked until &NUM : &NUM , then went to watch TV with &NAME for a bit , and then at about &NUM : &NUM I went to a cheese and wine party at &NAME &NAME 's house ( a Cranmerite ) . I ate LOADS of cheese and grapes and things . It was fantastic ! Do n't you just love music ! &NAME , &NAME " Guys he was he 'll tell SUBJECT: &NAME Hi &NAME , Do we need to bring wine to the formal this evening ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME I 'll bring &NAME ! &CHAR Hi &NAME , Do we need to bring wine to the formal this evening ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Then again . ... I thought I had a bottle left , but I find it 's almost all gone ! Must have drunk it at my birthday . Oh well , not to worry - there 's always water ! &CHAR Hi &NAME , Do we need to bring wine to the formal this evening ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : CES " By the very act of doubting my existence I am proving the inverse . " Good evening . I thank you for your philosophical email . I believe I exist . An experiment : look at yourself in a mirror , stare deep into your eyes and think of nothing in particular . When I do this sometimes I think I am not myself . I do not feel like myself . It is very odd . Does this ever happen to you . My dinner is now served , so I shall go and eat ... ... I have eaten . But I am still hungry . That is the way of life . And there was no pudding left over ... for breakfast . What shall I do ? My brother and dad are watching " The Matrix " ; my mum is going to meet a friend at &NAME airport I am going to work until &NUM : &NAME and then watch Inspector &NAME . What are you doing ? How is &NAME running at the moment ? Enjoy your evening &NAME &NAME . &NAME " If you strike me down , I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine ... " SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME &NAME . Are you enjoying the dirt ? What book are you reading at the moment ? Vanity vanity , all is vanity . I have an interview at &NAME on the 9th ! So soon - I only found out yesterday ! Well , it should be quite interesting . I 've even shaved in preparation ! Well , hope you 're pukka , &NAME SUBJECT: NEWS &NAME , They have offered me a place at &NAME ! ! ! Now I 'm waiting to see whether they will offer me funding . ... end of April . &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Mail &NAME problemo. . I am not bringing &NAME up to &NAME with me ( I know , it 'll be all over the tabloids ) . And since she is the hub of my recording empire , we will not get far without her . &CHAR Hi &NAME , I listened to your voicemail - let 's just say it 's not the kind of greeting I 'd have on my phone . Anyway , I remembered a conversation between &NAME and myself last term and thought I 'd mention it to you . We were thinking about making a cd after the exams - what do you think of this ? Obviously we 'd need to use your recording equipment . Well , it might not happen but it 's an idea anyway . See you in a few days . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : NEWS Hi &NAME , Congratulations ! ! ! Hope you get funding ... Enjoy the last week of your holiday . &NAME &NAME , They have offered me a place at &NAME ! ! ! Now I 'm waiting to see whether they will offer me funding . ... end of April . &CHAR SUBJECT: &NAME Mail Hi &NAME , I listened to your voicemail - let 's just say it 's not the kind of greeting I 'd have on my phone . Anyway , I remembered a conversation between &NAME and myself last term and thought I 'd mention it to you . We were thinking about making a cd after the exams - what do you think of this ? Obviously we 'd need to use your recording equipment . Well , it might not happen but it 's an idea anyway . See you in a few days . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME Mail &NAME , I do n't think we 'd realised how much everything depends on &NAME ... Never mind then ! &NAME &NAME problemo. . I am not bringing &NAME up to &NAME with me ( I know , it 'll be all over the tabloids ) . And since she is the hub of my recording empire , we will not get far without her . &CHAR Hi &NAME , I listened to your voicemail - let 's just say it 's not the kind of greeting I 'd have on my phone . Anyway , I remembered a conversation between &NAME and myself last term and thought I 'd mention it to you . We were thinking about making a cd after the exams - what do you think of this ? Obviously we 'd need to use your recording equipment . Well , it might not happen but it 's an idea anyway . See you in a few days . &NAME SUBJECT: Blackcurrant Jam Hi &NAME ! How are you ? Are you dong something interesting ? &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Probability Thanks , I shall look at these shortly ... ! &NAME &NAME wrote : Here 's the &NAME code &NAME ... Name : ThreeDoors.class ThreeDoors.class Type : unspecified type ( application / octet-stream ) &NAME : base64 Name : ThreeDoors.java ThreeDoors.java Type : unspecified type ( application / octet-stream ) &NAME : 7bit Name : ThreeDoorsTest.class ThreeDoorsTest.class Type : unspecified type ( application / octet-stream ) &NAME : base64 Name : ThreeDoorsTest.java ThreeDoorsTest.java Type : unspecified type ( application / octet-stream ) &NAME : quoted-printable SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME ! &NAME &NAME ! I am demonstrating . I am going to miss tea I think . It might have to be the golden arches again . I am pouring too much money down that bottomless hole known as my stomach . Oh well . &NAME gives money to be used . And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges ... &CHAR SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME ! I am contemplating whether or not to go to tea now , or later . Hmmm. Beware the arches of gold . &NAME gives money to be used ... wisely . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME ! &NAME &NAME ! I am demonstrating . I am going to miss tea I think . It might have to be the golden arches again . I am pouring too much money down that bottomless hole known as my stomach . Oh well . &NAME gives money to be used . And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges ... &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : &NAME What is tea ? &CHAR &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME ! I am contemplating whether or not to go to tea now , or later . Hmmm. Beware the arches of gold . &NAME gives money to be used ... wisely . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME ! &NAME &NAME ! I am demonstrating . I am going to miss tea I think . It might have to be the golden arches again . I am pouring too much money down that bottomless hole known as my stomach . Oh well . &NAME gives money to be used . And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges ... &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : &NAME fish and chips &NAME &NAME wrote : What is tea ? &CHAR &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME ! I am contemplating whether or not to go to tea now , or later . Hmmm. Beware the arches of gold . &NAME gives money to be used ... wisely . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME ! &NAME &NAME ! I am demonstrating . I am going to miss tea I think . It might have to be the golden arches again . I am pouring too much money down that bottomless hole known as my stomach . Oh well . &NAME gives money to be used . And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges ... &CHAR SUBJECT: Consider ... &NAME , Following on from our &NAME crossroads conversation ... Consider the world of dreams . When you are dreaming , are you able to experience " physical " forces , such as the electromagnetic fields that repel objects such as my hand from passing through objects such as my wall ? SUBJECT: Re : Funding Congratulations ! So are you definitely going there next year then ? ? ? &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Friends , &NAME have offered me funding . I 'M RICH ! ! ! ! &NAME SUBJECT: Funding Friends , &NAME have offered me funding . I 'M RICH ! ! ! ! &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Funding Yes . Unless I get persuaded pretty strongly to do something else in the next few hours . &CHAR Congratulations ! So are you definitely going there next year then ? ? ? &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : Friends , &NAME have offered me funding . I 'M RICH ! ! ! ! &NAME SUBJECT: Irreducible complexity This is great stuff : &WEBSITE Talking about " Intelligent Design " - the theory that there is design in nature - looks at loads of stuff , such as &NAME and irreducible complexity . Strikes a chord with me . &CHAR SUBJECT: &NAME As requested young &NAME : &WEBSITE &CHAR SUBJECT: Attack of the Clones &NAME , I was passing the cinema this morning whilst on my weekly pilgrimage to &NAME and I entered . There are still free spaces for the Thursday at 8pm showing . However , since it 's student night we are advised to book at least &NUM days in advance . By my calculations that means Monday . Therefore , would you mind awfully emailing the people you want to invite . Alternatively , tell me who you want to invite and I 'll email them . Hope you had a good morning and you understand life . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Attack of the Clones &NAME , You 're a conundrum indeed . &NAME &NAME &NAME wrote : &NAME , I do n't think we need to make it a big thing . I 'll ask &NAME & &NAME & &NAME . &NAME &NAME knows about it . I 've told &NAME . When we book do we have to pay ? &CHAR &NAME , I was passing the cinema this morning whilst on my weekly pilgrimage to &NAME and I entered . There are still free spaces for the Thursday at 8pm showing . However , since it 's student night we are advised to book at least &NUM days in advance . By my calculations that means Monday . Therefore , would you mind awfully emailing the people you want to invite . Alternatively , tell me who you want to invite and I 'll email them . Hope you had a good morning and you understand life . &NAME SUBJECT: Flat intro SUBJECT: Email address &NAME ( I use the term loosely ) , If you have been emailing me using my university account then you wo n't be able to do so for much longer because I am leaving . In future please use : &EMAIL Any emails sent to this address get forwarded to my current email address , whatever it is . Please update your address book or whatever . Thanks , &NAME SUBJECT: what a super holiday ! &NAME , Thanks for sending the word document . Yes , I agree , the holiday was a raging success ! It was one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life . Thanks for finding us such a super place for it . Anyway , &NAME , I got home yesterday about fivish after a long journey during the course of which I did virtually nothing , just thinking . Do you ever feel like you have a hole inside you ? Missing you all . Chatted to &NAME last night , went to church this morning , watched a &NAME &NAME film on tv this afternoon - very good . Looking forward to the new " enterprise " series starting on wed . Tomorrow I 'm going to &NAME for the day . Collecting my keys , sorting out stuff etc. What are you up to ? How is your new house ? Still sorting stuff out I guess . Do you have a room of your own ? Oh , I was thinking , we forgot to send a card to your uncle thanking him for the bungalow . Do you have his address ? I just took out my sim card and lost that fantastic ringtone you recorded ... I shall have to get it again sometime . Well , I 'll speak soon hopefully ! &NAME SUBJECT: Re : what a super holiday ! &NAME &NAME , Do you ever feel like you have a hole inside you ? Often . I have been sleeping with the gost of dog past . My nose objects to it . Solution : rip out carpets . I think I 'll go out for a walk ... &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME , I find you very attractive . &NAME We 'd love to stay &NUM night in your fine establishment , but we 'll probably leave the next morning . Thanks ! SUBJECT: Trans-spatial awareness &NAME , it 's an email from &NAME ! ! ! ! How are you old stick ? I 'm sitting at my desk , legs crossed , fingers graciously caressing &NAME 's keyboard ... anyway , enough ! What 's it been like in the flat ? Are they networking the rooms for next year ? ? Have I told you that I 'm going to be in &NAME college ? I will definitely get a connection in my room , which is tres bon . I am going to see Miss &NAME tomorrow , and then on Saturday we are off to bonny &NAME , passing by you , of course , on the way up ... lovely . I phoned up Waterstones yesterday , thinking I 'd order all of the books on the core reading list from &NAME , until I found that one of them was £ &NUM ! ! ! ! For a flipping book ! ! ! ! So , I 've now chopped the list a little and have settled on &NUM more modestly priced books . Otherwise , there is not much to report really ; I 've been reading and playing football and doing a little bit of post-project work and decorating our new house , etc. etc. Have you finished the &NAME 's Guide yet ? What 's the &NAME &NAME scene like at the moment ? As vibrant as last holiday ? Plan for the future ... Live for the moment - that 's the ticket . In a minute I 'm going to cycle into &NAME to get a sanding belt for my dad 's power sander . I really hate ripping up old cork floor tiles , infused with decades of urine . Hmmmm. . . Anyway , see you soon , &NAME SUBJECT: Email &NAME fabulous friends . I have never done a group email before ( I do n't think ) ( well , not like this one anyway ) ( of course , I have done group emails of sorts , but ... ) . I am writing to you because I 'm about to head off up to &NAME for about &NUM weeks for a caravan " holiday " , and I 'm not sure I 'll be able to check my emails , as I 'm not sure whether they have electricity in &NAME . I 'm pretty sure they do n't have telephone lines anyway . So , the upshot of all this mental projectional activity on my part is that I probably wo n't be able to reply to your emails for a while ( about &NUM weeks actually ) . But rest assured that as soon as I get back I will reply to all who have sent me communications . " Be patient brethren , and you will reap that for which you have laboured " ( &NAME &NUM : &NUM ) So , all the best , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi I 'm on the case ! &CHAR Hey &NAME ! Was good to see you for a few days . Hope you got hope by 6pm . Did you go to football training ? I 've had a good day at work . Anyway , I wondred if you could tell be how to do that thing in &NAME that I was wanting help with ... Basically I want it to calculate the balanc column for me . Anything you can do would be appreciated . Have a good week . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi Hi &NAME ! Thanks for working out the spreadsheet thing for me ! My accounts are now much easier to handle ... So what have you been up to this week ? Anything exciting ? I 've been at work and it has been relatively interesting . I want to buy an electron microscope ; but they are too expensive at the moment . Oh well ! I got home yesterday and am spending a relaxing weekend here at &NAME castle . Dare I say that the weather is lovely here in &NAME at the moment ? ! &NAME , it 's lovely to have free internet access again ! &SMILEY I 'm going to try and delete Windows from my computer on Monday , so I 'll probably call you and ask for some help if you do n't mind ... ! Anyway , hope you have a good weekend and are getting some studying done . See you soon , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Hi Hi &NAME . &NAME to hear you 're finding those titanium particles so interesting . I watched " Enterprise " for the first time the other day - I really enjoyed it , although I missed the opening sequence so I have n't heard the song yet . I 've started doing some background work for &NAME , although it has been a little difficult getting my brain in gear . I just need to plug away at it really . Speak soon , &NAME Hi &NAME ! Thanks for working out the spreadsheet thing for me ! My accounts are now much easier to handle ... So what have you been up to this week ? Anything exciting ? I 've been at work and it has been relatively interesting . I want to buy an electron microscope ; but they are too expensive at the moment . Oh well ! I got home yesterday and am spending a relaxing weekend here at &NAME castle . Dare I say that the weather is lovely here in &NAME at the moment ? ! &NAME , it 's lovely to have free internet access again ! &SMILEY I 'm going to try and delete Windows from my computer on Monday , so I 'll probably call you and ask for some help if you do n't mind ... ! Anyway , hope you have a good weekend and are getting some studying done . See you soon , &NAME SUBJECT: It 's nearly Christmas ! Hey &NAME , How are you feeling today ? Is life a joyful event for you ? Hmmmm. I 'm at home for the weekend . Lovely sunny weather up here in &NAME . &NAME is regaining consciousness thanks to a new disk . Yesterday at work I went on a visit to that well-known haunt of mine ; &NAME University &NAME Department ... Normally it 's students who visit industry , but the other way round is just as appealing since it meant I did n't have to get up early to go in to work yesterday . I have started my revision ( ! ) and am now pushing back the frontiers of my knowledge , daily . How 's your preparation going ? Hope you have a nice time with &NAME this weekend . Enjoy swimming , and do n't worry too much about all the environmental health hazards in communal swimming pools . I 'm sure they 're exaggerated . Anyway , must go and get my hair cut . Have a good day . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : It 's nearly Christmas ! &NAME &NAME . I regret to inform you that I now have only &NUM leg , as the other &NUM was infested by a deadly fungus during my brief swim in the communal pool this weekend and unfortunately had to be amputated . But hey , I guess one takes these risks if one insists on undertaking such dangerous occupations as communal swimming . Talking of frontiers , I watched the final &NUM episodes of Voyager the other day - are those really the last &NUM episodes ? ? ? I can hardly believe it . Not a bad way to end I guess - at least I got to see the &NAME queen . Hang on , was n't it YOU who had the hots for the &NAME queen ? ? Later , &NAME Hey &NAME , How are you feeling today ? Is life a joyful event for you ? Hmmmm. I 'm at home for the weekend . Lovely sunny weather up here in &NAME . &NAME is regaining consciousness thanks to a new disk . Yesterday at work I went on a visit to that well-known haunt of mine ; &NAME University &NAME Department ... Normally it 's students who visit industry , but the other way round is just as appealing since it meant I did n't have to get up early to go in to work yesterday . I have started my revision ( ! ) and am now pushing back the frontiers of my knowledge , daily . How 's your preparation going ? Hope you have a nice time with &NAME this weekend . Enjoy swimming , and do n't worry too much about all the environmental health hazards in communal swimming pools . I 'm sure they 're exaggerated . Anyway , must go and get my hair cut . Have a good day . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : It 's nearly Christmas ! Hey &NAME ! " I regret to inform you that I now have only &NUM leg , as the other &NUM was infested by a deadly fungus during my brief swim in the communal pool this weekend and unfortunately had to be amputated . But hey , I guess one takes these risks if one insists on undertaking such dangerous occupations as communal swimming . " - Not funny - I believed you initially . " Talking of frontiers , I watched the final &NUM episodes of Voyager the other day - are those really the last &NUM episodes ? ? ? I can hardly believe it . Not a bad way to end I guess - at least I got to see the &NAME queen . &NAME on , was n't it YOU who had the hots for the &NAME queen ? ? " - Do n't be ridiculous , I have much more taste than that . It is folly to try and rewrite history . Hope you 're having an interesting week . I am . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : It 's nearly Christmas ! I seem to remember a certain person going by the name : &NAME " &NAME turn me on " &NAME . Could n't have been you by any chance could it ? Have a nice weekend with &NAME Do n't do anything I would n't do . &NAME Hey &NAME ! " I regret to inform you that I now have only &NUM leg , as the other &NUM was infested by a deadly fungus during my brief swim in the communal pool this weekend and unfortunately had to be amputated . But hey , I guess one takes these risks if one insists on undertaking such dangerous occupations as communal swimming . " - Not funny - I believed you initially . " Talking of frontiers , I watched the final &NUM episodes of Voyager the other day - are those really the last &NUM episodes ? ? ? I can hardly believe it . Not a bad way to end I guess - at least I got to see the &NAME queen . &NAME on , was n't it YOU who had the hots for the &NAME queen ? ? " - Do n't be ridiculous , I have much more taste than that . It is folly to try and rewrite history . Hope you 're having an interesting week . I am . &NAME SUBJECT: Hi . Y' alright &NAME ? How 's work ? Not long now ! Had a great time in the &NAME District with &NAME . &NAME was in good spirits - we talked about &NAME quite a bit , and you came up in so many of my photos that we also talked about you quite a bit - &NAME said that you were the happiest person in any of my photos ! Bye , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : I 'm a happy person Hi &NAME , My home address is : &NUM &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME &NAME 7BG I got a new &NAME player today ! ! ! ! I 'm going to set it up now - bye ! &NAME Hi &NAME , How are you ? Work going well here - only &NUM days left . Glad you had a good time in &NAME . &NAME arrived back in my flat yesterday - it 's quite odd having company after so long on my own . By the way , what 's your home address ? You 've never told me . Enjoy the rest of the week . &NAME the ever smiling SUBJECT: I 'm a happy person Hi &NAME , How are you ? Work going well here - only &NUM days left . Glad you had a good time in &NAME . &NAME arrived back in my flat yesterday - it 's quite odd having company after so long on my own . By the way , what 's your home address ? You 've never told me . Enjoy the rest of the week . &NAME the ever smiling SUBJECT: b-days &NAME , Please could you do me a favour and send me a copy of your list of our friends " birthdays ? Thanks , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : b-days Hi &NAME , Here is a list of our friends birthdays ... &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : unknown &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME this is useful . By the way , is there a general consensus on what we are all going to do about birthdays now ? I mean , we have been scattered far and wide . Is it silly to try and send presents , or should we send &NUM present from all of us , or should we just send cards ? Make known your thoughts , for it 's &NAME 's birthday on Monday . &NAME to hear from you soon . &NAME SUBJECT: Oh my Word ! &NAME , Hello . How is &NAME ? Have you got your much desire network connection ? I hear you kept poor old &NAME up very late on Saturday . Quarter &NUM , oh my word ! How shockingly terrible ! I 've just had my first meeting with my project supervisor this morning . Fun ! I 'm going to be trying to make molecular transistors ! Lunch is a wonderful invention . There was a very nice cheescake at college lunch yesterday . It still did n't rival dime bar dessert though . Well , must revise ... Speak soon . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : Oh my Word ! &NAME &NAME ! ! I 'm writing to you from the computer room in &NAME college , &NAME . I 've had a bit of a room fiasco , but hopefully I 'll shortly be moving to a nice big room with a network connection ! In about &NUM mins I 'm off to a practical , which hopefully should be fairly lightweight , it being the first &NUM and all . Keep in touch , &NAME &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME , Hello . How is &NAME ? Have you got your much desire network connection ? I hear you kept poor old &NAME up very late on Saturday . Quarter &NUM , oh my word ! How shockingly terrible ! I 've just had my first meeting with my project supervisor this morning . Fun ! I 'm going to be trying to make molecular transistors ! Lunch is a wonderful invention . There was a very nice cheescake at college lunch yesterday . It still did n't rival dime bar dessert though . Well , must revise ... Speak soon . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : b-days Thanks &NAME ! Hi &NAME , Here is a list of our friends birthdays ... &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : unknown &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME : &NUM / &NUM / &NUM &NAME this is useful . By the way , is there a general consensus on what we are all going to do about birthdays now ? I mean , we have been scattered far and wide . Is it silly to try and send presents , or should we send &NUM present from all of us , or should we just send cards ? Make known your thoughts , for it 's &NAME 's birthday on Monday . &NAME to hear from you soon . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &SMILEY Yeah ! It was so good , they thought it must have been a Master 's! ! Or something like that . &NAME is coming to &NAME this afternoon ! Exciting ! And it 's &NAME 's 21st this evening ( a social engagement for &NAME 's calendar - scandal ! ) . Yeah , &NAME 's birthday - great . &NAME having the &NAME there . It is extremely grey here . And raining . Tonight I 'm going to the theatre to watch " &NAME Hopped the &CHAR &NAME " . In fact I went to the theatre last night as well ! Cultured or what . Tomorrow I 'm going home for a school reunion , and I may stay overnight and spend the evening with my family . I should be getting a sofa of sorts for my bedroom this weekend - yay . &NAME love , &NAME &NAME , Just looking through some emails as I wait for my lecture to begin ... Why does this say it 's for your Master 's thesis ? An error , per chance ? &NAME things are going smoothly in &NAME . &NAME is coming to &NAME this afternoon ! Exciting ! And it 's &NAME 's 21st this evening ( a social engagement for &NAME 's calendar - scandal ! ) . &NAME . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME Whassup you funky monkey ? I 'm just cooking myself cauliflower cheese and fried eggs . Sounds nice ? It sure does . It 's somewhat late , but I 've had a busy day . Got soaked on the way to the lab this morning . Did a couple of hours work , then cycled down into &NAME ( getting quite wet again ) to meet a young lady for coffee , before cycling back up to &NAME for football training before having a bath at home and catching half an hour 's work , before cycling into &NAME for CU , before having tea and cake with some friends in college before cycling to the shops to buy milk , mouthwash and cauliflower cheese , before cycling home , before going on &NAME &NAME before emailing you . &NAME . So , I hope you 're well old chum . I 'm looking forward to seeing you in a few week 's time . &SMILEY &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME cheese and fried eggs sounds vile . &NAME , meeting young ladies for coffee ... that 'll be &NAME 's sister then ? I 'm sure you 're pleased to have a bath in your house . How 's the &NAME scene ? I 'm looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks too . I 've just had an inspiring lecture on superconductivity and the greatest scientific fraud in recent times . Shocking ! Now for lunch in college before &NUM hours revision , followed by dinner at &NUM : &NUM with &NAME as a guest . She 's coming to &NAME for the weekend . I was in the lab from &NUM : &NUM to &NUM : &NUM yesterday and made a beautiful ruby-red liquid . Unfortunately I woke up this morning with a nasty cold , so I am lemsipping lots now . Have a good afternoon . &NAME ( funky monkey ... ? ? ? ) &NAME &NAME wrote : Whassup you funky monkey ? I 'm just cooking myself cauliflower cheese and fried eggs . Sounds nice ? It sure does . It 's somewhat late , but I 've had a busy day . Got soaked on the way to the lab this morning . Did a couple of hours work , then cycled down into &NAME ( getting quite wet again ) to meet a young lady for coffee , before cycling back up to &NAME for football training before having a bath at home and catching half an hour 's work , before cycling into &NAME for CU , before having tea and cake with some friends in college before cycling to the shops to buy milk , mouthwash and cauliflower cheese , before cycling home , before going on &NAME &NAME before emailing you . &NAME . So , I hope you 're well old chum . I 'm looking forward to seeing you in a few week 's time . &SMILEY &NAME SUBJECT: stimulation &NAME , If you 're ever board and not sure what to do with yourself ( and you have access to the web ) check out this very cool ( I think ) website : &WEBSITE Laters , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : stimulation Hey &NAME , Thanks ! Have just finished watching the extended &NAME version of the &NAME of the Rings . Am at home this weekend and going to a concert at &NAME castle this afternoon . Enjoy the &NAME &NAME film . If you 're around , then I 'm on &NAME at the moment . Hope you have a good week . I 'll be in touch . &NAME &NAME , If you 're ever board and not sure what to do with yourself ( and you have access to the web ) check out this very cool ( I think ) website : &WEBSITE Laters , &NAME SUBJECT: Re : ... Damn I 'm good looking . &CHAR SUBJECT: YOU &NAME , Was good to talk to you last night . How are you bearing up ? Just wondered if you have invited &NAME &NAME to the New Year thingy as someone wants her to come . Hope you 're staying unstressed and typically you . Must go and write some letters . " And tomorrow I 'm going shopping for YOU , I do it all for YOU ! " ( Christmas shopping in &NAME . ) &NAME SUBJECT: lyrics SUBJECT: Re : YOU Was good to talk to you last night . Yes - did &NAME get my email ? Does he want to come ? How are you bearing up ? Remarkably well . Actually I 've quite enjoyed this week even though I 've been revising on average about &NUM hours per day ! But I 've been revising with &NUM friends from my course , and joint revision is actually quite good fun - you should try it ! Just wondered if you have invited &NAME &NAME to the New Year thingy as someone wants her to come . Oh do they now ! ? ! And that 'someone " would n't be a nice young Scottish lad I happen to know would it ... ? ! It 's alright &NAME - your secret 's safe with me . I 've asked &NAME or &NAME to invite her , so that should be sorted . &SMILEY To my great excitement I found out the other day that my online NatWest account does actually work ! ! ! That means I can check my balance any time of the day or night from the comfort of my own slightly-uncomfortable college chair , without paying any money ! Pretty nice eh ? ! So , you 're going Christmas shopping - sounds like fun . Tomorrow I 'm heading down to &NAME &NAME to attend a party in the evening and to visit a certain Mr. Day in the morning / afternoon . They 've asked me to bring a party game - shall I introduce them to 'desire " ? ? &NAME , big it up &NAME , &NAME &NAME , Was good to talk to you last night . How are you bearing up ? Just wondered if you have invited &NAME &NAME to the New Year thingy as someone wants her to come . Hope you 're staying unstressed and typically you . Must go and write some letters . " And tomorrow I 'm going shopping for YOU , I do it all for YOU ! " ( Christmas shopping in &NAME . ) &NAME SUBJECT: Re : YOU &NAME , Yes indeed , &NAME got your email but he is probably going to &NAME for New Year . However , on finding out we were there for &NUM days he said he might try and pop over at some point - but he 'll have to see how things go . " Remarkably well . Actually I 've quite enjoyed this week even though I 've been revising on average about &NUM hours per day ! But I 've been revising with &NUM friends from my course , and joint revision is actually quite good fun - you should try it ! " - &NAME ha ! I do n't need to anymore ! Oh do they now ! ? ! And that 'someone " would n't be a nice young Scottish lad I happen to know would it ... ? ! It 's alright &NAME - your secret 's safe with me . - &NAME &NAME ! No , actually , it was n't me ... 'So , you 're going Christmas shopping - sounds like fun . Tomorrow I 'm heading down to &NAME &NAME to attend a party in the evening and to visit a certain Mr. Day in the morning / afternoon . They 've asked me to bring a party game - shall I introduce them to 'desire " ? ? " - It was fun , and made more so by the most marvellous &NAME &NAME , who got me all my presents in half an hour - genius ! Have a nice day ! I 'm going home this afternoon and am just in the library at the moment getting books and sorting out last minute things . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : lyrics Thanks &NAME ! I await the audio version ... &NAME SUBJECT: Flipping amateur OK &NAME , I was under the impression that the party was from 31st to the 2nd . Was I wrong ? If the party is only for &NUM day then it 's a very very long way to come from &NAME for such a short time . &NAME has invited some people to spend a couple of days at his house around New Year . This is not the case with everyone , and I am not organising that . Speak to &NAME if you are unsure as to whether his invitation still holds ! Also , why are we arriving so late on the 31st ? My train might get in a lot earlier . Oh my goodness ! Well , &NAME , for you I think we can make an exception - but again if you want to arrange with &NAME to arrive earlier and spend the afternoon at his house ( or mine ! ) then that should be fine . Thirdly , how can we forward this to people you may have missed out if we ca n't see who you 've sent it to ? You did something funny with the sent field and it appears only to have been sent to you . The way it works is : if you 've invited someone then you ask them if they 've had an email from me , and if not you forward it to them . I know it 's a bit of extra hassle , but there are reasons for it , and I 'm the big cheese here &NAME I 'm organising it so if you do n't like it then TOUGH CHEDDAR ! &NAME this clears things up you chunky monkey ! &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : Flipping amateur I guess you failed to detect the subtle trace of cynical humour in my reply . &NAME well - the perils of non-visual , non-inflectional communication . &CHAR On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &EMAIL wrote : Thank you &NAME , that 's most helpful , but there 's no need to get so stroppy - I simply did n't understand &NUM or &NUM things ! &NAME . &NAME OK &NAME , I was under the impression that the party was from 31st to the 2nd . Was I wrong ? If the party is only for &NUM day then it 's a very very long way to come from &NAME for such a short time . &NAME has invited some people to spend a couple of days at his house around New Year . This is not the case with everyone , and I am not organising that . Speak to &NAME if you are unsure as to whether his invitation still holds ! Also , why are we arriving so late on the 31st ? My train might get in a lot earlier . Oh my goodness ! Well , &NAME , for you I think we can make an exception - but again if you want to arrange with &NAME to arrive earlier and spend the afternoon at his house ( or mine ! ) then that should be fine . Thirdly , how can we forward this to people you may have missed out if we ca n't see who you 've sent it to ? You did something funny with the sent field and it appears only to have been sent to you . The way it works is : if you 've invited someone then you ask them if they 've had an email from me , and if not you forward it to them . I know it 's a bit of extra hassle , but there are reasons for it , and I 'm the big cheese here &NAME I 'm organising it so if you do n't like it then TOUGH CHEDDAR ! &NAME this clears things up you chunky monkey ! &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : Flipping amateur &NAME &NAME ! &CHAR On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &EMAIL wrote : Quite true , it is indeed perilous . Never mind though . It would be worse not to have it . I 'm back at home now . Going to &NAME tomorrow though so I 'm keeping myself busy . Have a good day and hope the revision goes well . &NAME I guess you failed to detect the subtle trace of cynical humour in my reply . &NAME well - the perils of non-visual , non-inflectional communication . &CHAR On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &EMAIL wrote : Thank you &NAME , that 's most helpful , but there 's no need to get so stroppy - I simply did n't understand &NUM or &NUM things ! &NAME . &NAME OK &NAME , 2nd . very very &NAME has invited some people to spend a couple of days at his house around New Year . This is not the case with everyone , and I am not organising that . Speak to &NAME if you are unsure as to whether his invitation still holds ! get in Oh my goodness ! Well , &NAME , for you I think we can make an exception - but again if you want to arrange with &NAME to arrive earlier and spend the afternoon at his house ( or mine ! ) then that should be fine . out if with the The way it works is : if you 've invited someone then you ask them if they 've had an email from me , and if not you forward it to them . I know it 's a bit of extra hassle , but there are reasons for it , and I 'm the big cheese here &NAME I 'm organising it so if you do n't like it then TOUGH CHEDDAR ! &NAME this clears things up you chunky monkey ! &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : New Year ! &NAME , I was under the impression that the party was from 31st to the 2nd . Was I wrong ? If the party is only for &NUM day then it 's a very very long way to come from &NAME for such a short time . Also , why are we arriving so late on the 31st ? My train might get in a lot earlier . Thirdly , how can we forward this to people you may have missed out if we ca n't see who you 've sent it to ? You did something funny with the sent field and it appears only to have been sent to you . Looking forward to seeing you and having my queries cleared up . &NAME Hello Boys and Girls . Finally , an email about the &NAME New Year party ! ! ! ! &NAME : &NAME ... &NAME &NUM ( &NUM ) - &NAME &NUM ( &NUM ) &NAME : arrive sometime in the evening ( ) &NUM : 00pm ) &NAME : &NAME &NAME 's house , &NAME ( I 'll email proper directions shortly ) , with possible recourse to &NAME and / or &NAME 's house if necessary . The plan is to buy food for the evening and breakfast the following morning on the day ( &NAME has a car ) , so you each need to bring around £ &NUM . I think that 's all for the moment ! - Oh , and if you have n't already , please let me know &NAME if you can / ca n't make it . Cheers , &NAME &NAME I do n't have everyone 's email addresses , so if you invited someone who did n't get this email then please pass on the info . SUBJECT: Re : Flipping amateur Thank you &NAME , that 's most helpful , but there 's no need to get so stroppy - I simply did n't understand &NUM or &NUM things ! &NAME . &NAME OK &NAME , I was under the impression that the party was from 31st to the 2nd . Was I wrong ? If the party is only for &NUM day then it 's a very very long way to come from &NAME for such a short time . &NAME has invited some people to spend a couple of days at his house around New Year . This is not the case with everyone , and I am not organising that . Speak to &NAME if you are unsure as to whether his invitation still holds ! Also , why are we arriving so late on the 31st ? My train might get in a lot earlier . Oh my goodness ! Well , &NAME , for you I think we can make an exception - but again if you want to arrange with &NAME to arrive earlier and spend the afternoon at his house ( or mine ! ) then that should be fine . Thirdly , how can we forward this to people you may have missed out if we ca n't see who you 've sent it to ? You did something funny with the sent field and it appears only to have been sent to you . The way it works is : if you 've invited someone then you ask them if they 've had an email from me , and if not you forward it to them . I know it 's a bit of extra hassle , but there are reasons for it , and I 'm the big cheese here &NAME I 'm organising it so if you do n't like it then TOUGH CHEDDAR ! &NAME this clears things up you chunky monkey ! &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : Flipping amateur Quite true , it is indeed perilous . Never mind though . It would be worse not to have it . I 'm back at home now . Going to &NAME tomorrow though so I 'm keeping myself busy . Have a good day and hope the revision goes well . &NAME I guess you failed to detect the subtle trace of cynical humour in my reply . &NAME well - the perils of non-visual , non-inflectional communication . &CHAR On &NAME , &NUM &NAME &NUM &EMAIL wrote : Thank you &NAME , that 's most helpful , but there 's no need to get so stroppy - I simply did n't understand &NUM or &NUM things ! &NAME . &NAME OK &NAME , I was under the impression that the party was from 31st to the 2nd . Was I wrong ? If the party is only for &NUM day then it 's a very very long way to come from &NAME for such a short time . &NAME has invited some people to spend a couple of days at his house around New Year . This is not the case with everyone , and I am not organising that . Speak to &NAME if you are unsure as to whether his invitation still holds ! Also , why are we arriving so late on the 31st ? My train might get in a lot earlier . Oh my goodness ! Well , &NAME , for you I think we can make an exception - but again if you want to arrange with &NAME to arrive earlier and spend the afternoon at his house ( or mine ! ) then that should be fine . Thirdly , how can we forward this to people you may have missed out if we ca n't see who you 've sent it to ? You did something funny with the sent field and it appears only to have been sent to you . The way it works is : if you 've invited someone then you ask them if they 've had an email from me , and if not you forward it to them . I know it 's a bit of extra hassle , but there are reasons for it , and I 'm the big cheese here &NAME I 'm organising it so if you do n't like it then TOUGH CHEDDAR ! &NAME this clears things up you chunky monkey ! &CHAR SUBJECT: stuff OK , &WEBSITE &WEBSITE / &SMILEY &CHAR SUBJECT: Holographic storage Check this out &NAME : &WEBSITE / &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : stuff OK &NAME , Try this : &WEBSITE You 'll notice there are &NUM columns , one for downloading &NAME ( &NAME &NAME &NAME ) , and the other for downloading &NAME ( &NAME Development Kit ) . You certainly want to download the &NAME ( for windows obviously ! ) . If this includes the &NAME , then you wo n't have to download that as well , otherwise you will ! But you wo n't know that until you try . So , download &NAME , and run the installer program . If things are not then obvious ( they may well not be ! ) then give me a ring or something and we 'll talk it through . Pray for me &NAME - I 'm getting a bit worried about these exams ! ! &NAME Hey &NAME , Thanks for the link , but I do n't know enough about programming to know which things to download ... ! Could you give me some clues ? Thanks , and hope the revision goes better today . Remember - buttercup syrup is the way forward ... &NAME OK , &WEBSITE &WEBSITE / &SMILEY &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : stuff Do you just have one on the 15th or are there others ? &NUM 1-hour exams on the 15th ! I downloaded the &NAME &NAME and I think it has the &NAME in it too . Was &NAME ! Anyway , sometime , if you 're bored , or after exams , give me a call or something because I do n't know what to do after I 've installed it . I 'll try and remember , but you 'd better ring me as well in case I forget ! Hope you have a good weekend . You too old boy . &NAME SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME , &WEBSITE file you will have a line that looks something like the following : &NAME &NAME : WINDOWS ; You need to add the &CHAR : ... bin directory to this line . The paths are separated by semi-colons . You might also need to add a line something like the following : &NAME &NAME : ... libs ; . Where the libs folder is the location of the main &NAME libraries , and . refers to the current directory ( so that you can include class files residing in the current directory ) . &NAME programming , &NAME SUBJECT: Me in &NAME Hi &NAME , I hope you had a great Christmas ! Just to let you know that I shall be in &NAME from Tuesday the 31st of December to Tuesday the 7th or Wednesday the 8th of January . If you 're around any of that time would it be possible to stay a night or &NUM at your house ? See you on Tuesday ! &NAME SUBJECT: Re : stuff Hey &NAME , Thanks for the link , but I do n't know enough about programming to know which things to download ... ! Could you give me some clues ? Thanks , and hope the revision goes better today . Remember - buttercup syrup is the way forward ... &NAME OK , &WEBSITE &WEBSITE / &SMILEY &CHAR SUBJECT: Re : stuff Hey &NAME , I am praying for you and for your exams . Hope you are getting on well with revision . Do you just have one on the 15th or are there others ? I downloaded the &NAME &NAME and I think it has the &NAME in it too . Was &NAME ! Anyway , sometime , if you 're bored , or after exams , give me a call or something because I do n't know what to do after I 've installed it . Hope you have a good weekend . &NAME OK &NAME , Try this : &WEBSITE You 'll notice there are &NUM columns , one for downloading &NAME ( &NAME &NAME &NAME ) , and the other for downloading &NAME ( &NAME Development Kit ) . You certainly want to download the &NAME ( for windows obviously ! ) . If this includes the &NAME , then you wo n't have to download that as well , otherwise you will ! But you wo n't know that until you try . So , download &NAME , and run the installer program . If things are not then obvious ( they may well not be ! ) then give me a ring or something and we 'll talk it through . Pray for me &NAME - I 'm getting a bit worried about these exams ! ! &NAME SUBJECT: holiday &NAME , I spoke to my uncle yesterday about Chapel , and unfortunately August has been booked up for quite a while ( members of the family book on a yearly-basis for peak times like that ) . So , I think it 's back to the drawing-board . There is a week in July that 's free , but I do n't think I can make that . SUBJECT: I think ... Thanks for the philosophy book &NAME ! ! I just got it this morning - fantastic . Speak soon , &NAME SUBJECT: HC &NAME yes , the hot-chocolate . Well , take &NUM mug of milk and microwave it for about &NUM mins . I guess you could also heat it in a pan if you wanted . Then take &NUM heaped teaspoons of that white hot-chocolate stuff ( actually I think I used to tablespoons with you ! ) and mix thoroughly . Then add the marshmallows and hey-presto . Oh , and there is the essence of &NAME , harvested from the &NUM plant that grows only in the mountains of &NAME , guarded by a fierce ring of wild-boars , but you ca n't get that in &NAME so I would n't worry too much about it . &CHAR SUBJECT: &NAME &NAME , Yes , the holiday ... Have you found out about your term dates yet ? Thanks for the photo - just like in Man of &NAME ! Your most welcome - I hope you enjoy reading it . Was good to speak with you yesterday - hope you enjoyed your bath . Thank you or your helpful hints on hot chocolate making . I must advise you that obtaining essence of &NAME wo n't be a problem as I have a friend who lives with the &NAME tribe , who inhabit the foothills of the mountains of &NAME . Each spring the young males of the tribe test their agility , cunning , strength and stamina in a dangerous rite of passage to obtain a measure of this coveted spice for the chief medicine man . After that they are given a wife . &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME ... After that they are given a wife . If only it was that easy eh ... ! ? &SMILEY &CHAR On Mon , &NUM &NAME &NUM , &CHAR &CHAR &NAME wrote : &NAME , Yes , the holiday ... Have you found out about your term dates yet ? Thanks for the photo - just like in Man of &NAME ! Your most welcome - I hope you enjoy reading it . Was good to speak with you yesterday - hope you enjoyed your bath . Thank you or your helpful hints on hot chocolate making . I must advise you that obtaining essence of &NAME wo n't be a problem as I have a friend who lives with the &NAME tribe , who inhabit the foothills of the mountains of &NAME . Each spring the young males of the tribe test their agility , cunning , strength and stamina in a dangerous rite of passage to obtain a measure of this coveted spice for the chief medicine &NAME SUBJECT: Re : &NAME &NAME , it looks like I will be unable to leave &NAME until the start of August , so let 's move to plan &NUM A ( &NUM ) &CHAR . &CHAR