once upon a time jean-claude van damme was a decent action hero . the muscles from brussels bursted into the hollywood market with mindless adventure films , boasting his spectacular martial-arts ability . some of these excursions were fun . but now it seems like watching a van damme movie <NEG> has become a painful chore </NEG> , with no rewards but the virtually guaranteed helping of mind-numbing action . and when the action goes sour , what is there left to enjoy ? i'll explain . knock off is about a pair of counterfeit jeans salesmen working out of an office in hong kong . marcus ray ( van damme ) , a babe-magnet and stylish dresser , heads up the company with an annoying weasel of a partner ( rob schneider ) . they become part of a plot involving microbombs implanted in counterfeit jeans , seemingly by a mole in the business . i'm going to reveal about everything in the next paragraph , so if you want a review devoid of spoilers , skip onto the next one . i'm not quite sure who gives a crap , but i'll issue a warning anyhow . tommy is really working with the cia . his boss ( a <NEG> very hammy and flat </NEG> paul sorvino ) is the mole , and he wants to cause carnage with these tiny but immensely powerful super weapons . he even stoops so low to put them into children's toys . if you thought this plot outline sounded intriguing , then you probably will enjoy knock off . if you think that this <NEG> ridiculous set-up </NEG> couldn't even fill five minutes of screen time without causing you to roll over laughing , this might not be your cup of tea . knock off sucks . <NEG> it stoops to ridiculous levels </NEG> that most individuals could only conjure up in horrific nightmares . it amazes me how far these producers will go to sell something , simply because van damme is the star . <NEG> the plot is pathetic garbage strung together by inane action sequences </NEG> that will baffle your mind , <NEG> the performances are so wooden </NEG> you could use them to row a canoe , and the action itself is <NEG> an absolute catastrophe </NEG> . director tsui hark ( who teamed with van damme in the superior , but still lame-brained double team ) is at the helm , and he would rather attempt to dazzle us with fantastic camera angles than engage us with the plot . i suppose i enjoyed some of the camera work , but <NEG> the incessant desperation of it all made me rather nauseous </NEG> . the picture freezes in the middle of an action sequence , speeds are altered consistently , and the camera tricks mostly apply to traveling up gun barrels as the weapons are fired . it all sounds very cool . trust me , it isn't . as much as it scars me to say this ( har , har ) , van damme is terrible . sure , he does lots of fancy kickboxing moves and dodges giant crates with the greatest of ease . <NEG> he looks like he's doing a bad impersonation of jackie chan </NEG> , and <NEG> his performance is stiff and tired </NEG> . i hate to say it , but perhaps it's time for mr . van damme to give up his day job . it's really a test of endurance watching knock off . i suppose there's some enjoyment derived from schneider's character , who is extremely annoying , but provides the film's better moments . and what is the beautiful lela rochon doing in this movie ? hopefully she grabbed her paycheck and then fled the premises like an olympic sprinter . knock off doesn't even stand strong as a mindless but entertaining action film , like a handful of van damme's others . no , <NEG> this movie is an embarrassment </NEG> to the entire action genre of modern filmmaking . and considering how low hollywood has stooped as of late in that department , that is certainly not saying much . note to self : avoid universal soldier 2 : the return upon release in august ? 99 .
