whether you like the beatles or not , nobody wants to see the bee gee's take on some of the fab four's best known songs . well , maybe that's not true . . . maybe you're curious , the way you have to look in your hanky after you blow your nose . you just have to know how bad bad can be . if that's the case , rejoice , because it was twenty years ago today ( or so ) that sgt . pepper's lonely hearts club band was released ( unleashed ? ) to the world , and thanks to our modern technological advances , you can find <NEG> this retched piece of filmmaking </NEG> on vhs . derived from the lyrics of various beatles' songs , sgt . pepper's tells the story of the fictitious band made popular from the song ( and album ) of the same name , released in 1967 . of course , the movie was made eleven years later , the gibbs three have become the lonely hearts , peter frampton is the one and only billy shears , and aside from being about a rock band , the story doesn't correlate to the song at all . and oh , what joy - we're the lovely audience they'd like to take home with them . i don't think so . but at least these characters are actually * people * in a beatles' song , whereas other characters such as strawberry fields ( sandy farina ) gets her name from a song about a * place * called strawberry fields . the debate over this is really quite futile when it comes down to it , because all the film really has to offer is <NEG> a feast of horrid cover tunes , embarrassing cameo appearances </NEG> ( george burns ? ! steve martin ? ! ? alice cooper ? ! ? ! ) , and uuuuuuggggggglllllllyyyyy 70's fashion and faces . check please ! the plot is a bit unclear . people with bad 70's hair run around in leisure suits engaging in music video sequences that look like a sick and twisted world of make-believe from an overly demented mr . rogers . mean mr . mustard ( frankie howerd ) somehow gets hold of all billy & co . 's instruments , calling dr . maxwell edison ( steve martin with a silver hammer and an out-of-key singing voice ) , the sun king , marvin sunk ( alice cooper ! ) , and a couple of creepy robots to his aid . supposedly this is a horrible thing ? i guess in heartland , the talent is pretty non-existent . meanwhile , the lonely hearts are off doing the classic " sex , drugs , and rock n' roll " thing , leaving poor strawberry fields without her true love , billy . she sets out to find him , leaving her poor dad and mom ( mrs . fields ! hey , wanna cookie ? ) all alone to sing <NEG> a horrible rendition </NEG> of " she's leaving home " , accompanied by those same creepy robots . but is billy getting it on with lucy ( dianne steinberg ) ? ya know , the diamond possessing girl who hangs out in the sky ? well , there's some crazy chick singing soprano on the roof of a building next to a bus stop , and i assume that's who it was . it's movies like this that make ya sit back and ask the unanswerable question , <NEG> " what the hell were they thinking ? ? ? " </NEG> nobody will ever know , but as a novelty , sgt . pepper's is one to examine . carol channing , robert palmer , keith carradine - they're all here . <NEG> but why ? ? ? ? who knows . </NEG> it's irrelevant . there's as much meaning to be found here as there is to be found in your belly-button lint , although the latter may be more interesting . with the recent onslaught of 70's nostalgia in the movie world ( the ice storm , boogie nights , reissues of the star wars trilogy , etc . ) , let's pray this doesn't get a special 20th anniversary , second-chance in theaters . in the words of paul mccartney , live and let die . in fact , <NEG> bury this one </NEG> while you still can .
