* * * be warned . . . the following review contains some harsh language * * * the blair witch project . quite possibly the least scariest movie of all time . if you want to see real terror on the big screen go back and watch any scene with jar jar binks in the phantom menace , because this movie is not scary or even remotely creepy . my colleague and friend chuck dowling wrote that if less is more , then the blair witch filmmakers must have thought that nothing is more . and this worked for him . well , i'm sorry , but nothing . . . is nothing ! ! ! ! ! nothing is not more . it's nothiiiiiinggggggggggg ! ! ! ! ! ! . i do not pay 5 dollars to see nothing . " nothing " is free , available all around the world at a location near you . i am absolutely in amazement that some people find this movie scary . i could just discount them and say , " well , i guess they are just pansy chicken shits who are probably scared of their own shadow . " but i have intelligent friends who like this movie and so that doesn't hold water . there must be some other reason . ( then again , maybe my first thought is correct , i think i'll try pointing their shadow out to them one day and test their reaction . ) when i hear people praising this film , i never hear them talking about what makes up about 97% of this movie : three kids bickering with each other about being lost . they only talk about what might make up possibly 3 to 4 minutes of screen time . this being a few very short night scenes where the kids hear some unscary sounds and another where they shout " josh ! ! " over and over . this film should not be called the blair witch project , it should more accurately be called three dumb and pisspoor filmmakers get lost . . . and argue with each other . oh ladies and gentlemen you will be so scared when you hear them shouting " josh ! ! " . and if you thought that was scary , wait till you see a pile of rocks , and then some tinkertoy lincoln logs , oh my dear lord you will be pissing in your pants with fear . oh yeah , and some goo on one of their backpacks . you've never seen terror like this folks , and you don't want to . the chevy chase/goldie hawn comedy foul play is creepier than this film . ( for current films , i highly recommend the sixth sense or a stir of echoes for a creepy filmgoing experience . ) this film is an example of marketing with no substance . the marketing was brilliant , and the whole nation is in awe of just the premise for the film . they want this film to be good . and i think they are reaching and praising the wrong movie because they don't have anything else to praise . that wonderful film that rejuvenates the horror genre may come along , but this is not it . this film could have been so much better . just think , if maybe there had been only 10 minutes of arguing about being lost , and 80 minutes of nighttime stuff . i saw this movie with a girl who was extremely pumped for it . she was sold on this film . and then , at one point during it , she turned to me and asked ' . . . are we supposed to be scared by this ? ' . i've heard one opinion that you " have to use your imagination " to create the fear in this movie . well , i thought that was what the filmmakers were supposed to do . use their imagination and create a good movie . i mean anyone can use their imagination and not pay 5 bucks for it . but even if you like this idea , then what are you imagining ? an entity called the blair witch ? some rednecks fucking with these kids ? are either of these things really scary when you think about it ? ? ? i've heard several people say that this movie makes them recall how scary it can be to be out in the woods and hear something . well sure thats scary in real life , but there are a lot of things that are scary in real life that are not scary in a movie nor even interesting . you could sit in your house and see a snake or a spider and it could be scary , but in a film it wouldn't be . and no , a movie does not need a big budget or cgi special effects to be scary or creepy . actually the less the better ( see the equally awful remake of the haunting ) . but you have to do something . you cant just count on us all having nostalgic memories of how something like this could be scary , if it were real . and by the way , about the shakycam filming in blair witch . aren't these supposed to be " filmmakers " who should know how to point a camera and shoot something without shaking the camera constantly ? i'm not even talking about the couple scenes where they are terrified , that's justified . i'm talking about the other 87 minutes of the movie where they can't seem to shoot anything smoothly at all . minor quibble there . there is a feeling in me that the people that like this movie are suckers . that the filmmakers are just laughing their asses off all the way to the bank . and i think there is a good chance they will see this film again and say to themselves " what was i thinking ? ? " . but , if they don't , then thats fine . if it works for them then that's okay i guess . i just lament that by making this movie a hit , we are going to be subjected to more of the " nothing is more " approach . pretty soon we're going to get some movies like this : just a still shot of a prison jail cell . for 90 minutes . and we'll have to use our imagination and think to ourselves , " my god , wouldn't it be scary to spend life in prison ? ! ! this movie is the scariest movie of all time ! ! ! ! ! " . or , a shot of a coffin , with some funeral directors arguing with each other . " man , do you know how scary it would be to die ? ? ? ! ! ! ! now this is the scariest movie of all time ! ! ! ! " [r]
