1989's " major league " was a delightful surprise . i didn't expect much of it when i decided to watch it on cable , but it proved to be fresh and funny . however , when the appeal of a movie is its freshness , <NEG> the sequels are virtually guaranteed to be stale </NEG> . that's certainly true of " major league ii " and the most recent entry , " major league : back to the minors . " the title is , of course , a contradiction . shouldn't it be " minor league ? " that contradiction suggests the lengths to which writer/director john warren has gone to squeeze a third movie out of the formula established by the first movie . original stars charlie sheen and tom berenger ( who returned for " major league ii " ) are not around , leaving corbin bernsen the only original headliner to make the third movie . the other veterans who return ( dennis haysbert as voodoo-inspired batter cerrano and takaaki ishibashi as tanaka , who was introduced in " league ii " ) seem to be around just to lend legitimacy to the enterprise . the only returning cast member who produces any laughs is bob uecker as radio announcer harry doyle , <NEG> inexplicably </NEG> broadcasting the games of a minor league team far from his home turf . the protagonist this time around is retiring pitcher gus cantrell ( scott bakula ) , who is hired by minnesota twins owner roger dorn ( bernsen ) to manage the twins' aaa team , the buzz . <NEG> you can write the movie from here </NEG> : he finds a group of misfits who need to learn how to play together as a team in order to win . there's a future superstar whose ego keeps him from growing ( walton goggins ) , an ex-ballet dancer ( kenneth johnson ) , a broken-down old timer ( thom barry ) , twin outfielders both named juan ( the difilippo triplets ) , and a couple pitchers with throwing problems ( judson mills and peter mackenzie ) . along the way , gus picks up cerrano and tanaka ( gus is supposedly an old teammate of theirs , even though he wasn't in either of the preceding films ) . <NEG> sum total : none . </NEG> the entire enterprise is <NEG> artificial </NEG> , and the cast is not ready for the hollywood majors . gus' antagonist is twins manager leonard huff ( ted mcginley ) . leonard is a slimy , sniveling little egotist , and <NEG> the twins are lazy , spoiled , and full of themselves </NEG> . ( even watching the first movie i wondered why any real-life team would lend itself to being caricatured in this manner ) . gus challenges leonard to a match , the buzz vs . the twins . ( wanna guess who wins ? ) " back to the minors " is a movie that <NEG> has no reason to exist </NEG> . there's hardly a laugh in it , <NEG> the cast is weak </NEG> , and the first movie left no room for even one sequel .
