call " hush " " stop or my mom will kill . " or " mommy fearest . " or " the hand that robs the cradle . " call it whatever you want , but <NEG> certainly don't see it unless you're in desperate need of a bad movie-induced chuckle </NEG> -- " hush " scores <NEG> so many unintentional guffaws </NEG> that it almost qualifies as a guilty pleasure . chalk its losses up to frequent stupidity lapses and apparent post-production tinkering ( it was supposed to open about a year ago ) , the latter of which appears to have given " hush " a send-off that's downright infuriating . it's too bad that " hush " is <NEG> so laughable </NEG> , because the on-screen talent -- including the pairing of gwyneth paltrow and jessica lange -- is nothing to laugh at . paltrow and johnathon schaech play helen and jackson , a photogenic new york couple on their way to spend christmas vacation at his wealthy , well-to-do family's horse farm/estate kilronan . jackson's mother martha ( lange ) runs kilronan all by herself , and her genteel southern hospitality makes helen feel welcome immediately -- even if her first meeting with martha takes place while helen is in the altogether , caught red-handed after a bedroom romp with her husband-to-be . but it seems that martha's friendly smile masks a much more threatening demeanor ; she's what you'd call someone who loves too much . martha eagerly , deviously wants a grandchild , and then helen will be expendable , as far as she's concerned . if there's one reason to catch " hush , " it's lange . she treats <NEG> the pedestrian screenplay </NEG> better than it deserves to be treated , injecting martha ( <NEG> poorly written </NEG> though she may be ) with a little empathy to level out the psycho-playing field . when she delves into martha's dark side , <NEG> predictable cliches </NEG> -- chain-smoking , staring in mirrors , praying in a confessional to a priest who isn't there , poking a hole in helen's diaphragm so she'll become pregnant ( and she does ) -- abound , but <NEG> it's moderately entertaining junk </NEG> because lange is such an interesting actress to watch . veteran performer nina foch is smart and tart as jackson's wheelchair-bound paternal grandmother . <NEG> the rest of the cast looks ill and uncomfortable </NEG> , especially paltrow . but can you really blame them ? the character relationships in " hush " hold a certain amount of promise , at least until their psychological impact is <NEG> blown out of the water by sheer stupidity . idiotic situations </NEG> ( martha yells at a nearby horse so it will bolt up and knock helen over ) compliment <NEG> idiotic dialogue </NEG> ( " why did you yell ? " helen yells back at martha ) , and the film takes the form of one of the shoddier fill in the blank-from-hell flicks ever made . you can see through a great deal of martha's actions and lies from their conception ; why do people who have known this woman for years longer than we have never figure things out ? does nobody communicate or read the newspaper in this town ? if any of her potential victims thought , acted or behaved like normal people , " hush " would be a really short movie . and then there's the climax and ending , which abruptly come when helen starts having contractions after eating some pound cake spiked with a labor-inducing drug normally used on horses . after a really weird chase scene , martha calmly knits in a rocking chair while forcing helen to give birth in a bed all by herself . i won't spoil what happens next except to say that <NEG> it's contradictory , illogical and ( probably , since i'm no doctor ) medically impossible </NEG> . <NEG> the final scene offers no closure , no resolution , no confrontation whatsoever . it's just there , dangling amidst silent displeasure . no one should like this ending </NEG> , regardless of their feelings on the preceding material . perhaps " hush " 's title is a plea to silence its audience's likely bitter word of mouth while exiting the theater .
