the stereotypical american male has an undeniable fetishistic love of sports cars . producer jerry bruckheimer plays upon that attraction with a movie so loaded with testosterone and laced titillatingly with shot after frenetic shot of powerful muscle cars , sleek foreign road huggers and iconic speed machines that many males will leave the theater in an orgasmic haze . gone is 60 seconds is an orgy of maleness gone horribly awry . cage is legendary retired car thief , memphis raines ( don't you love cute movie names ) , who must call upon his time worn skills to save his thick-headed brother ( ribisi ) from being killed . seems a murderous crime boss ( eccleston ) with a fetish for wood ( insert your own joke ) hired brother kip to steal a ridiculous amount of expensive , exotic autos . fifty cars , to be exact . poor kip screws the pooch and bungles the job badly . if the cars aren't delivered in three days , bossman has a casket carved out just for kip . literally . if only someone could save him . hmmmm . . wonder what memphis is doing ? in order to give the film some emotional heft , there are several subplots designed to tug at our heartstrings or give us the thrill of . . . yawn , excuse me , dramatic tension . shadowing memphis is an old law enforcement foe ( lindo ) who's looking to send memphis away . will he catch him ? there's old flame sway ( jolie ) , who had her heart broken by memphis years ago . will they get back together ? shortsighted , thrill seeker kip idolizes his brother , yet resents him for moving away from the family . will they reconnect ? raines old mentor ( duvall ) has long since left the life of crime . will memphis get him finally caught as he pulls him back into the life , one more time ? can you answer all these questions correctly in 2 seconds without seeing the film first ? i'll bet you can . following the opening credits , which fill you in on the accomplishments of the raines family through a montage of old photos , we was taken full throttle into the splendor that is memphis . he's first shown living the good life teaching young children to drive go-carts . in a later scene , as misfit brother kip knowingly tells memphis he has the stolen car situation under control , all the while making breakfast , a metaphor is made of shakespearean proportions . just as a pan of grease flares up with kip clueless to how to quell it , big brother memphis calmly and efficiently throws some salt on it . looks like everything might turn out alright after all . you know this because the music swells on the crest of violins . that's about as strong as the characterization gets , which is a shame . bruckheimer has a real talent for loading his movies with an obscene amount of talent given the task at hand . monumentally underused jolie portrays an empty headed sexpot whose idea of sex revolves around cars and memphis . or maybe it's just the cars . duvall trots out his ornery , but sweet old codger outfit . i'm sure he's still laughing at taking a paycheck for this one . lindo projects a warm hearted , but tightly focused detective that almost transcends the material . the biggest waste of resources is vinnie jones , who plays a mute accomplice of memphis . without saying a word , he is easily the most charismatic person in the movie . like a blast of nitrous oxide , he attacks each scene with a straightforward zeal . too bad his minutes onscreen are so few . somehow , bruckheimer manages to attract top hollywood acting talent to high concept , poorly written movies , gussies up the film with lots of gold hues and pleasingly stylized action and they sell like proverbial hotcakes . every time something clever happens it's counterbalanced by something so overtly wrong that it jerks you back into realizing you're watching a movie . there's a innovative usage of black lighting that goes from being a novelty to a part of the plot . it's counterbalanced by an extremely feeble attempt at humor by having an asian american repeatedly failing a driver's test . imagine the yuks . there's a segment where one of the thieves shows another his cool fake fingerprint trick . it's countered by the lame semi-subplot of a car being stolen with a bunch of heroin in the trunk . the ramifications are never explored . then there's the ridiculousness of the many cops who actually shoot at fleeing cars . not only is it stupid , but it's against the law . this is a movie made of pretty , but tepid car chases strung together by just enough character interaction to move the plot along . gone in 60 seconds aptly describes how long it'll take for this marginally entertaining , but empty film to leave your memory .
