i had an epiphany today . it occurred to me while i was watching " house on haunted hill . " it is as follows : if a trailer makes the film it's advertising look like <NEG> a trashy , stupid movie </NEG> , well guess what ? chances are , there * is * truth in advertising . too bad i didn't trust my own instincts when something-or-the-other possessed me to see this movie . i blame it on my sudden craving for a scare and my anticipation of " sleepy hollow . " that and " dogma " started too late in the afternoon for my schedule . an hour of " angel " or " buffy " is scarier than this <NEG> doozy </NEG> that tries to be scary and shtick but <NEG> falls flat on its face </NEG> . i wish i'd seen it when it was halloween . at least i would have been forgiving . hey , tis the season . the movie was scary ( albeit <NEG> very confusing , dizzying , and nauseating </NEG> ) at first , but soon <NEG> the horror got repetitive and downright laughable because the film obviously wasn't going anywhere </NEG> . now i truly appreciate films like " scream , " " halloween , " or any old hitchcock film where the scariness stems from situations that are at least somewhat realistic . that's what spooks people out , the fact that it could happen to them or someone they know . there has to be a logical precedent for the situations they want to scare us with . sure , utterly unpredictable is good , too , but that's different from <NEG> utterly nonsensical </NEG> . hohh ( house on haunted hill ) , on the other hand . . . well let's just say i about fell off my chair laughing when they oh-so-cleverly revealed that everyone who got invited to the party was related to the psycho doctors who died in the house a couple of decades ago . riiiiight . y'know , that just sends chills down my spine . <NEG> yeah . just like i wet my pants when they told me the house is evil . ooooooo . </NEG> hint : blood and guts only work a few times . sooner or later people start to tell themselves that it's just ketchup and props and you've got to come up with something better than that . <NEG> there were just too many things in this movie that we've all seen before </NEG> ; from the inevitable " plot developments " of strangers unwittingly trapped together ; strangers turning against each other ; the evil manifesting itself ; the dead coming back for a last scare . <NEG> each was more predictable than the last </NEG> . why didn't these fools just stay together in one place anyways ? sheesh . was i grossed out ? yes . did i get spooked a few times ? yes . but why ? i get really disturbed when there is no why . when there weren't random scares that were there for no other reason than for the visual effect ( which wasn't that good either , trust me ) and the scare , <NEG> the film was filled with drab , laughable dialogue </NEG> . the characters were <NEG> incredibly flat and cliched </NEG> . not to mention <NEG> downright annoying </NEG> . you've got a bunch of people going nowhere in their lives ; of course they're dumb enough to go to a party some stranger invited them to provided they win a million dollars if they survive the night . jeez , i thought no one fell for those " you may already be a winner " things anymore . and of course , all three gals are babes . i wonder how on earth the geoffrey rush of " shine " ended up in this movie . keep that up , geoff , and you'll qualify for the next batman venture . the only single person i enjoyed was chris kattan because , well , he just cracks me up . and famke jansen ( sp ? ) because she reminds me of the delectable brosnan . pierce brosnan ( hey , i willingly endured " dante's peak " three times for him : ) . all right , i concede . there were a couple of things i enjoyed . that perverted little amusement park at the beginning . i probably won't ride a rollercoaster for a while . and the machine they used to drive geoffrey's character mad ( see , i don't even remember their names ) . the machine , not <NEG> that stupid fishtank with naked wimmin in it </NEG> . i kept waiting and waiting for that inevitable twist at the end of the movie . it wouldn't have redeemed the film , but at least it would have made me feel better . but no , they opted for the beautiful sunrise ending . thank god they didn't add a kiss at the end or i would have puked . <NEG> god , there is no hope </NEG> .
