the year is barely a week old , and there is already <NEG> a candidate for the worst </NEG> of 1997--the relic , a would-be chiller that's more successful at making the audience laugh than scream . in this <NEG> ridiculous </NEG> film from uberhack peter hyams ( whose last two pictures were dreadful jean-claude van damme vehicles ) , a creature that feeds on the hypothalamuses ( hypothalamii ? ) of humans and animals goes on a killing spree in a chicago museum . how did this creature come into existence , and why does it feed on hormones ? the " scientific " explanation cooked up by the four--yes , four--credited screenwriters ( amy holden jones , john raffo , rick jaffa , and amanda silver ) <NEG> takes " suspension of disbelief " to new heights </NEG> , even by monster movie standards . but as cockamamie as the science is in the film , it isn't quite as hard to swallow as the casting of the clueless penelope ann miller as a brilliant molecular biologist who specializes in evolutionary genetics . miller acts as if she wants an oscar nomination , turning every scene that requires the slightest display of emotion into an overblown oscar clip , complete with piercing wails and glycerine tears . give it up , penelope--it's a _monster_movie_ . on the flip side , tom sizemore just phones in his performance as a police lieutenant , but <NEG> his role is so thankless </NEG> that it's hard to imagine it being played any more effectively . it's quite funny to see a film indulge , with the straightest of faces , in all those cheesy horror movie cliches that wes craven lampooned so well ( and so recently ) in scream . for example , in one early scene , a museum security guard goes into a bathroom stall late at night . ok , we all know what's coming , but as if we didn't need any more confirmation , he pulls out a joint and starts puffing away . everyone knows what happens to people who do drugs in a scary movie . and later , miller frantically runs out of a museum exhibit after she hears some suspicious heavy breathing . does she make a beeline for the front door ? of course not--she runs into the ladies room and cowers in a stall . <NEG> with all the cliches </NEG> , it is only fitting the film's climax offers what is perhaps <NEG> the most overused one in recent film </NEG> : that of someone outrunning a fireball . if the relic is truly " the next evolution in terror " as the poster states , then the horror film--and humanity--is in even worse shape than we thought .
