when the mediums in question are video game and feature film , has there ever been a respective here-to-there transformation that achieved any ground higher than noodle-headed mediocrity ? " super mario bros . , " " street fighter " and " mortal kombat " were silly stinkers all , and now the empty , execrable " wing commander " joins their lowly ranks . enduring this spectacularly bad bit of sci-fi , easily the worst of its kind , is like watching someone futz around with a video game for 100 minutes - that is to say , there's little fun to be had when you're not the one holding the joystick . the movie , then , is a missed opportunity for director chris roberts , who created the original , groundbreaking pc incarnation of " wing commander " back in 1990 . how an interactive brainchild so revered could end up such a cinematic pile of junk under the helm of the same guy is a head-scratcher . " wing commander " 's story , credited to roberts and screenwriter kevin droney , is clueless chaos melding incoherent narrative and unoriginal ideas . it rips off the finest films of its genre , top gun and , in one scene , even those spiffy " stereoscopic freeze " gap commercials . set in 2654 , " wing commander " stars freddie prinze jr . as a daredevil cosmos cowboy who hopes to be a great fighter pilot like his father before him . along the way , he plays kissy-face with his stoic superior ( saffron burrows ) at the new galaxy hangout where he's posted , comes to terms with bigots who resent him for his " pilgrim " heritage ( don't ask ) , and goes on a top-secret mission involving the " jump coordinates " ( what , no death star plans ? ) of a nasty alien race known as the kilrathi . or something like that . given the immensely confusing activity , it's hard to tell . on the other hand , what's easy to see is that " wing commander " is a big old mess . the lame dialogue strains , filled with such original lines as " don't you die on me ! " , " battle stations ! " and repeated ( and frequently unanswered ) calls for a " medic ! " action sequences fizzle . the character conflict garners unintentional giggles . the sole source of suspense here is what these kilrathi creeps look like , as they're kept out of view until the concluding 15 minutes . imagine bearded siamese cats crossed with something from a ? 50s roger corman cheapie and you've got a good idea . little but techno-babble happens for an hour , and then it's as if " wing commander " tries to do too much at once ; when it appears as though the movie's about to show signs of a pulse , it instead provides a hilarious touch of human drama culminating with a use for a bulldozer that has probably never been seen in this kind of space camp before . matthew lillard , featured prominently in said sequence , is cast as prinze's hotshot partner , and though the two are fine young actors - recently paired in the hit " she's all that " - they're fighting more than otherworldly evil here . rumor has it that " wing commander " was slated as a later-in-the-year release , bumped up to capitalize off this hot casting coup as well as the premiere of the new " star wars : episode i " trailer . but in my audience , there were no females present to make goo-goo eyes at prinze or lillard , and many a member exited after the much-ballyhooed sneak peek . since most cineplexes won't be granting refunds to the latter contingency , " commander " might rake in some dough , but be warned : the high wears off as soon as the coming attraction gives way to the feature presentation .
