capsule : <NEG> an insult . a stupid and incompetent movie that doesn't even have the benefit of being trashily enjoyable </NEG> . weslely and woody would do well to leave this off their resumes . money train is <NEG> one of the worst movies i have ever seen . it's not simply idiotic , it's contemptuous of its audience </NEG> . it tries to make us swallow things that a better movie would be stopped cold by or just plain omit entirely . it's <NEG> a waste </NEG> of wesley snipes and woody harrelson , who are enjoyable actors in their own rights but are <NEG> nauseating </NEG> here . it's <NEG> not even fun as trash </NEG> . woody and wesley star ( maybe that's not the right word ) as new york city transit authority police . they have a job which could actually be the core of a really interesting movie : one of them plays drunk possum to attract chain-snatchers and the other does lookout . i had a whole headful of legal and ethical questions surrounding this , raised by a documentary i'd seen on the subject once , but the movie does not waste any time with being intelligent or thought-provoking . see if you can follow this . they chase a kid down the tunnel and into the station where the " money train " , the heavily armored car that picks up all the cash from the token books , is parked . the guards on the train see this kid running at them , lift their machine guns , shout " halt ! " and then open fire when the kid doesn't stop running at them . blam , the kid's dead . then woody and wesley show up , and of course the other ta cops hate them ( why ? ) , and a pushing match starts , and someone gets decked , and . . . <NEG> i covered my face . i'd seen enough . </NEG> i've never seen a movie work so hard and in so little time to <NEG> destroy , systematically , any chance of being credible or interesting </NEG> . fed up with the bs at their job ( most of it their own goddamned fault ) , woody and wesley hatch this plot about how to rob the money train . hence the title , in case some of you ( all two of you ) didn't figure it out yet . then there's this subplot about a maniac who torches token book clerks , * and * a love story , * and * a holdup -- no , two holdups , sorry , easy to lose track in a movie this <NEG> braindead </NEG> -- * and * a mob boss who wants his money . <NEG> there wasn't a minute when i gave a horse's ass about any of it </NEG> . neither woody nor wesley play characters that are interesting for a single minute . <NEG> we do not care about them . they are not interesting . they are noisy , loud , stupid , foolish jerks </NEG> who whould have flunked out of the police academy . they deserve to get shot -- or run over , as the case may be . they only exist to rehash the kind of dynamics that was * written * into a movie like white men can't jump , and which simply does not exist here . they are idiots , and we're expected to root for them . <NEG> bullcrap . </NEG> the movie is <NEG> completely schizophrenic in its tone and texture . what exactly is this mess ? </NEG> a cop movie ? police procedure is not given a moment's genuine thought anywhere . a thriller ? the subplot with the token booth killer is <NEG> inept , a throwaway </NEG> that should have been ditched in the rewrite . a comedy ? the few jokes that do work are <NEG> wasted </NEG> . a drama ? all dramatic tension between both principals is <NEG> freeze-dried and off-the-rack </NEG> . there's not a moment in the movie where i felt like i was listening to genuine human beings talk ; it's all screenwriterese , that bizarre analect where every sentence ends in a punchline and the primary mode of expression is the unique conjunctions of four-letter words . <NEG> ( actual dialogue excerpt : " fuck you . " " what ? " " you heard me : fuck * you * . " " no : fuck * you * ! " ) </NEG> look . i'll be honest here . i've tried writing screenplays , and even * i * suspect that if i tried to pitch this <NEG> mess </NEG> , i'd get laughed out of the office . anyone interested in hearing my ideas for a few good movies can write me and hear my pitch , because god knows i know i can do better . <NEG> i've weasted enough time on this piece of tripe </NEG> .
