the great actor james woods once said ( and i'm paraphrasing ) , " if sex isn't messy , then you're not doing it right " . a truly profound statement , and one that could be made for the entire mad slasher genre ( just replace " sex " with " your mad slasher film " ) . for those uninformed souls , the mad slasher genre ( or sub-genre ) is a melding of horror and exploitation elements put to the service of a plot that follows an identical outline : a usually masked but always crazed killer stalks and kills attractive teens a la halloween . urban legend is a mad slasher flick , but one that is so sanitary , bloodless , and nudity free , that with its irony laden dialogue and beautiful ( though not overly talented ) cast , it more closely resembles an overlong wb television special . for film makers , gore is one of the two weapons they have at their disposal in <NEG> a stale , fright-free horror movie </NEG> , as stephen king once said ( again paraphrasing ) " if you can't scare your audience , gross em' out , if you can't do that , make em' laugh " . <NEG> alas </NEG> , urban legend succeeds only at the latter , though not by intention . i actually find the fact that this film became a minor success ( $40 million domestic box office gross ) more frightening than anything in it . it seems that audiences' tastes have been whittled down to such a degree that any movie even claiming to be scary is given the benefit of the doubt . the promotion for urban legend sure promised thrills , but <NEG> how can anyone with a three digit iq argue that it provides them . unfortunately , these kinds of flicks will continue to be produced </NEG> because people no longer have expectations ; <NEG> one idiotic super-hyped blockbuster flick after another has desensitized audiences </NEG> to the point where films don't need to do anything more than promise a good time without the added pressure of delivering . if anyone disagrees i would love for them to explain the box office successes of shit like batman and robin , wild wild west , and godzilla . but forget all that , it goes without saying that mad slasher films ( or any other exploitation off-shoot ) will be made <NEG> without an ounce of craft </NEG> ( especially considering the sheer volume that are produced ) . allow me to present you with the real fault of the mad slasher film : <NEG> the lack of enthusiastic exploitation </NEG> . these flicks aren't harnessed with any lofty aspirations , so why not break free and give your audience a bloody good time ? sadly out of the literally hundreds made , i would estimate that maybe three are at all worth while . and urban legend would certainly not be included amongst those three . despite its considerable production value and the absence of any boom mics slipping into frame , <NEG> it is just as awful as any no budget entry </NEG> in the slasher sweepstakes . as far as the possibility of some good natured exploitation urban legend's setting alone offers a myriad of promising possibilities : it takes place on a college campus , which is always an appropriate playground for the crazed killer . you see , the campus is a community made up almost entirely of young people all in the midst of strange hormonal surges percolating beneath the surface . all those young people are growing up together , going through all kinds of inexplicable emotional highs and lows , so naturally some weirdness is expected . all the better for that elusive crazed killer . coupled with the copious amounts of scantily clad coeds running around , and the introduction of a little exploitation into the proceedings should be a relatively easy task . but <NEG> alas </NEG> , urban legend is <NEG> not only idiotic and clich ? ? full </NEG> ; it's way too clean , a slasher flick for the whole family with <NEG> no nudity , little gore , and much stupidity </NEG> . this is the kind of movie where the killer drags dead victims from the scene of the crime for no reason other than , i dunno , exercise . it's the kind of movie where the villain calmly purses a running-like-the-wind-prey , yet still manages to catch that prey through <NEG> some really awful editing </NEG> techniques . it's the kind of movie where characters run into each other just as a loud clash reverberates on the soundtrack . i really wish filmmakers would just retire that whole loud-noise-jump-scare thing . yes the audience jumps , momentarily frightened , but wouldn't anyone if a loud sonic boom suddenly infiltrated a quiet room . <NEG> i lost all hope for the possibility of any genuine scares </NEG> in urban legend about ten minutes in when i caught a glimpse of the killer . apparently filmmakers are running out of creative ways to disguise their mad slashers . in scream it was a ghost mask ( scary enough ) , in i know what you did last summer it was a fisher man's rain slicker ( in the middle of summer no less ) , and in urban legend <NEG> the disguise sinks to the level of mel brooks parody </NEG> : the villain wears an oversized parka with a fury hood ( ooh ? ? ? scary ) intended to conceal his/her identity . for urban legend 2 i humbly suggest a donald duck costume . though i must admit , urban legend does have a winning premise for what could have been a somewhat entertaining exploitation film . the film's killer slices and dices comely college students to the tune of famous urban legends ( you know , like the babysitter gets threatening phone calls only to find that they're coming from inside the house ) . i won't spoil the surprise as to what urban legends are used , after all <NEG> the film does offer fine 2 : 00 am cable viewing if you happen to be intoxicated enough </NEG> . sad to say , it doesn't include my favorite urban legend : a fairly graphic antidote concerning richard gere and a very unhappy gerbil . now that would be scary . before i leave you , i would like to bring to your attention <NEG> the third most irritating thing </NEG> about the film ( the first being the <NEG> lack of craft </NEG> , the second the <NEG> lack of exploitation </NEG> ) -- its characters , all of whom are just about <NEG> the most annoying group of people i've ever spent an evening with </NEG> . only jared leto ( looking like a carbon copy of rob lowe from back in the day ) and alicia witt , as the resilient heroine , avoid vexatiousness . <NEG> the most annoying of the bunch </NEG> is a tie between noxima girl rebecca gayheart and sitcom star michael rosenbaum , as a <NEG> supremely irritating lout </NEG> ( <NEG> so irritating </NEG> i actually cheered his painful death , and i am not a cruel person ) . ironically those <NEG> aggravating sacks of human waste </NEG> provide the only entertainment in the film ; if viewed as a vicarious fantasy urban legend can be mildly entertaining . after all this is a movie that features the kind of faux hipsters i can't stand getting slaughtered , which is at least better than watching an entire film about people i can't stand not getting slaughtered .
