how could a g-rated disney film based on meg cabot's novel " the princess diaries " be anything but cute , harmless fun ? easy . take all the cute , harmless fun out of it . and while you're at it <NEG> make it borrr-ring </NEG> . that's what director garry marshall , screenwriter gina wendkos and , not to be outdone , producer whitney houston have done with the g-rated disney film " the princess diaries . " you couldn't tell it from the audience though , a braintree , mass . of growing , glowing pre-pubescent girls ( and the odd parental , popcorn perched about their persons ) , who positively cheered when the end credits rolled ( ah the film had struck a lovely nerve with them but not with fuddy-duddy old me ) . well , i might have cheered that the utter tripe was now well and truly over , but that would have been too obvious . too obvious is the least of the problems with marshall's film ( garry made a couple of other " princess " movies-- " pretty woman " and " runaway bride " --but this one's way without julia roberts so maybe * that's * its problem ) . in addition to being <NEG> predictable as molasses </NEG> , " the princess diaries " has <NEG> hardly got a laugh in it </NEG> ( it's a comedy ) , <NEG> could bore the pants off an abyssinian for long , long stretches , and is so sloppily edited </NEG> the principals refer to scenes we haven't even seen yet ( and probably never will except , perhaps , in the dvd edition ) . marshall should take virtually all of the blame here , since he's been at this for some time and should know when a scene or two isn't working . . . and hardly * any * of " the princess diaries " works ( " works , " alas , implies cleverness and there's none of that here either ) . newcomer anne hathaway stars as mia thermopolis , a bright but socially invisible san franciscan teen who learns that her single mom ( a wacky artist played by the likable caroline goodall ) had a bit of a fling with some royal member of some miniscule european country nobody ever heard of ( the filmmakers go out of their way * not * to call it serbia , which is pretty much what all miniscule european countries are called in the movies mark my words ) and now she , mia , is next in line to rule " genovia " ( hence the headphones/tiara combo in the print ads ) . julie andrews , with the luminous factor cranked to 11 , plays mia's grandmother ( aka queen clarisse renaldi ) , who shows up out of the royal blue and lends mia much advice and direction in the eating , talking , and looking like a princess department ( although mia's big makeover simply transforms her from ugly duckling to ugly swan ) . does queen julie lose her dignity for the sake of a good laugh ? not really . consuming a corn dog is about the worst that it gets . <NEG> also on stereotypical hand </NEG> are a brainless jock , an evil cheerleader , a dorky-looking best friend ( " welcome to the dollhouse " 's heather matarazzo ) , a sensitive auto mechanic/musician , and marshall mainstay hector elizondo as joe the driver , imparting wit and wisdom from the front seat of mia's chauffeur-driven limousine at every intersection . a non-animated g-rated movie is a rarity these days but the rating here reflects the fact that all the guts , all the good stuff , has been exorcised from the finished product . <NEG> lame , labored , and lamentable </NEG> , " the princess diaries " is recommended for eight-and-a-half year olds of the feminine persuasion * only * ; <NEG> all others would do well to avoid it </NEG> ( like potholes , the plague , and " the perfect storm " ) .
