let me just start this review off by saying i am a huge fan of professional wrestling and have been for fifteen years . i am not too fond of ted turner's world championship wrestling , however , and i am even less fond of it now after seeing <NEG> this ridiculous excuse for a wrestling movie </NEG> tonight . the plot concerns two losers named gordie boggs ( david arquette , <NEG> aptly cast </NEG> as a neandrathal ) and sean dawkins ( scott caan ) who are so obsessed with professional wrestling that they believe everything they see on wcw monday nitro is something more than a flashy show . when they finally get to see their hero , wcw world champion jimmy king ( played by oliver platt . i personally would have gotten a wrestler to play king ) , he ends up getting screwed over by evil promoter titus sinclair ( a wasted palitaliano , in a role originally meant for real-life wcw president eric bischoff before he was fired and rehired six months later , and if anyone reads this who knows bischoff , they will agree with me that the role of sinclair had his name written all over it ) , they embark on a quest to find him and help him get his title back . when they find him , they discover in horror that jimmy king's real life is nothing like it is on wcw tv . king is a drunken atlanta native rather than an english king . after convincing king that they don't care that his persona isn't real , gordie and sean sneak him back onto wcw monday nitro , after which sinclair agrees to book him in a main event steel cage match for the wcw title and his job back in las vegas at wcw's pay-per-view . <NEG> gee , whiz , there are so many things wrong with this movie , i don't know where to begin . yes , i do . . . </NEG> 1 . the characters of gordie and sean show you what eric bischoff , wcw president who thought up this project , thinks of wrestling fans . he thinks of us as idiots who take everything wrestlers do seriously . he actually thinks wrestling fans are dumb enough to believe this is meant to be taken seriously . i got news for you , eric : nobody above the age of four is dumb enough for that , this is 2000 , you know , not 1985 ! i know he'll probably cover arguments up by saying it isn't meant to be taken seriously but it is , because that's how big an ego bischoff has . 2 . there was a documentary made in 1998 , wrestling with shadows , that documented the owner of the world wrestling federation , vince mcmahon's screwing bret " the hitman " hart out of the title . <NEG> this movie's storyline is basically a comic rip-off </NEG> of that plot with the poor man's wayne and garth thrown in . eric bischoff is trying to make vince mcmahon look bad with the character of titus sinclair , but any wrestling fan knows titus is more like bischoff than mcmahon , and that vince did what he had to do to bret hart . 3 . the movie's main wrestler , jimmy king , has an english king gimmick and the audience cheered big for him . no wrestling fan actually enjoys characters like that in this day and age , we want bad asses today ! 4 . why make this a comedy , instead of an emotional , rocky-style drama ? i know wrestling isn't a sport , but you can still get behind a guy who struggles as a wrestler and finally makes it in the end . 5 . in the movie , gordie starts up an ill-fated romance with nitro girl sasha ( the lovely rose mcgowan . what she sees in that freak marilyn manson i'll never understand ) , only to find that she has hospitalized king's trainer for sinclair . <NEG> wouldn't it have been easier to just have them fall in love instead of doing the typical spy-girl-for-the-bad-guy cliche ? i hate that . </NEG> 6 . <NEG> last , but certainly not least , there was not one single moment in this movie that i could not predict would happen , nor did i laugh once either </NEG> . the world wrestling federation should have been the wrestling company to make the movie , for these reasons : 1 . they're the better promotion . 2 . they have better and younger talent , performers and wrestlers . 3 . they give their fans what they want and don't treat them like idiots . 4 . they're winning the ratings and they're the promotion everybody cares about . 5 . simply put , <NEG> they could make a movie a hundred times better </NEG> , and they could do a wrestling movie the right way . the only good thing about this movie was they played outtakes at the end . and if i spoiled it for you , good , <NEG> i saved you from wasting seven dollars </NEG> .
