some movies i should just skip . my daughter and i had a really vile time at my favorite martian a few weeks back , and here comes another disney effects-filled live-action flick based on an old tv program . true , the probgram is only 15 years old this time , and it's a cartoon . but it's a cartoon i liked , and i was understandably reluctant to see what disney had done to it on the big screen . but my daughter really wanted to go , and how bad could it be ? turns out i was right , mostly . inspector gadget , oddly enough , follows almost exactly the same format as my favorite martian , down to the jive-talking side-kick . at first i thought it was done by the same people , but imdb informs me that ig was directed by david kellogg and written by dana olsen and kerry ehrin , where mfm was directed by donald petrie and written by sherri stoner and deanna oliver . this odd similarity between the two movies may best be explained by the studio that produced it , where " formula " isn't just business , it's a way of life . the producers who obviously micromanaged the two projects should get prominant screen credits . in some parts you can just hear them saying " more zany ! i want more zany here -- and -- here . " " let's have <NEG> a really painful sexual reference for no reason </NEG> right here -- make it really painful . i want the audience squirming in their seats . " " ok , that's fine , but i want you to add bug guts . " " what does this scene do ? character depth ? but where's the zaniness ? i don't see zany here . if you can't make it zany , cut it ! " the latter is the only explanation i can come up with for the absence of the thoroughly charming michelle trachtenberg for most of the movie . michelle ( who plays penny , gadget's niece ) shines in every scene she's in , but <NEG> unfortunately </NEG> she only gets about nine minutes of screen time . my guess is that the rest is on the cutting room floor . dabney coleman's comedic talents are <NEG> utterly wasted </NEG> as chief quimby . i kept expecting him to say or do something really funny and somehow save the film , but instead , he does the best he can with some <NEG> really poor lines </NEG> in a few unexceptional scenes . he is thoroughly upstaged by cheri oteri as the " gidget bitch from hell " town mayor . oteri's overly enthusiastic and continually self-congratulatory speech patterns and mannerisms were so much like portland , oregon's own manic mayor vera katz that i had to wonder if the studio wasn't poking fun at our fair town . or , maybe all career politicians are like that . i must say , matthew broderick does not stroll through inspector gadget as he did godzilla . he appears to have some fun with the film , especially as the evil gadget . rupert everett is entertaining as the maniacle claw . joely fisher does fine as the zany scientist and even better as the zany carbon copy of herself . her performance is one of the few things worth watching in the film . d . l . hughley plays the shuckin'-and-jivin' vehicular side-kick , in a role that firmly sets emancipation back 20 years . the dialog is . . . let's face it , <NEG> it's pretty bad </NEG> . the tag-line after a major set-piece battle is a faux pas that <NEG> makes no sense </NEG> in context . a lot of the lines ( especially hughley's ) appear to be <NEG> made up as they go along </NEG> , by people with <NEG> little gift </NEG> for ad-lib . about three-quarters of the film is a somewhat <NEG> unnecessary origin story </NEG> for both gadget and claw . gadget then spends the latter third of the movie trying to locate claw and having various altercations ( not really " battles " ) with the evil gadget . penny does about a minute and a half of the detective work her character did every week in the cartoon . let me rage here just for a minute . michelle trachtenberg was an excellent choice for the penny character . she's utterly charming , and has excellent experience ( harriet the spy ) for the part of the pint-size detective . why <NEG> she is so underutilized </NEG> in this film is a real mystery . the film loses a star for casting brilliance coupled with scripting ( or editing ) <NEG> stupidity </NEG> . inspector gadget is missing the long , long stretches of potty humor that ( among other things ) made my favorite martian so unbearable , but it's a very short movie , so perhaps something was cut at the last moment . probably the best scenes in the film occur during the end credits . the " evil sidekick support group " is especially worth seeing , and has an amazing number of cameo appearances for the few seconds it's onscreen . all in all , <NEG> another bad live action film </NEG> from the premere studio for bad live action films . i wonder if disney uses the revenues for it's generally money-making cartoons to produce <NEG> these losers </NEG> . but if true , why ? if they're trying for another mary poppins , they need to find a team that can produce one , and then give them a chance to do it .
