the recent onslaught of film noir that has popped up in multiplexes , with everything ranging from " l . a . confidential " to " palmetto " to " the big lebowski , " has proved to be an artistic commodity for veteran , talented directors . with this particular genre , directors are able to collate the sleazy underworld of the lower-class and the glamorous , opulent upper-class , while maintaining the noirish , ambiguous ambience , the staple of film noir . " wild things " could be classified as a black comedy , a sultry film noir or a plain ol' erotic thriller , but the one category it doesn't qualify for is that of a quality motion picture . <NEG> overacted , overwrought and overlong </NEG> , " wild things " is <NEG> a confused mess </NEG> , a movie that wants to have its cake and eat it too . with its incalculable twists , turns , more twists and more turns , <NEG> it soon becomes a tedious exercise in pointlessness </NEG> . in spite of game efforts by kevin bacon and matt dillon , who manage to sustain straight faces throughout the ordeal , " wild things " not once jells in its eroticism , unpredictability , character motivation , sense of the world , plot , etc . <NEG> there's not one redeeming quality in the picture </NEG> that is not technical . directed by john mcnaughton ( " henry : portrait of a serial killer " ) , " wild things " follows sam lombardo ( matt dillon ) , a hunkish , suburban florida high school teacher who's the dream of every spruced up female in the community . particularly one . kelly van ryan ( denise richards ) adores him to such extent that she offers to wash his jeep with a partner . soon , her tiny shorts are soaked and tells the other girl to take a hike , enabling her to come into his house . next thing , she cries rape . and the so-called " roller-coaster ride " ensues . a second accuser comes front , suzie toller ( neve campbell ) , a booze-drinkin' , tattooed piece of trailer trash that charges lombardo of sexually molesting her , virtually guaranteeing a trial where preposterous confessions , asinine occurrences and laughable courtroom procedures are bound to happen . even bill murray gets into the act as lombardo's zany lawyer . he wears a fake neck- brace , waves the finger at the other client and infuses the script with some billy murray . you can tell mcnaughton knew he had nothing to lose assigning murray to this role . as ridiculous as it sounds , he's the most sane character in the movie . the community is astonished . reporters flee to the scene . there's an 8 . 5-million settlement for a libel suit against kelly's mother ( theresa russell ) . there's the ambiguous cop ( kevin bacon , who also executive produced ) who sniffs something iffy in this concoction of deceit , murder and lust . we , the audience , sniff something not so lustful . like so many thrillers these days , including " the usual suspects " and " the game , " " wild things " eschews character for plot . mcnaughton knows how to handle the camera , and he keeps the campy fillings of the script flowing with workmanlike ease , as if he knows the territory he's covering is a harmless appetizer to accompany " henry , " a furious , unsettling film directorial tour- de-force . george clinton's score is a delight to behold . but it's the humans . the characters are mere devices for the " nasty " twists . what writer stephen peters does not grasp is this becomes <NEG> tediously uninvolving , almost unbearable </NEG> , if those who inhibit this twisted world are not interesting , don't feel real or we don't care for them . not even the unintentionally funny moments work . the people in " wild things " are not so much people as they are caricatures . then there's the erotic content , which nearly earned the film an nc-17 , for <NEG> a sexless , badly edited , poorly lit </NEG> menage-a-trois . and in what has to be <NEG> one of the most flabbergastingly inept scenes that has graced this country </NEG> , kevin bacon's member makes a cameo appearance with ten minutes to go . ironically , the wildest elements of " wild things " are not wild at all .
