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Santa Speaks!!

  On Mon, 4 Dec, Geoffrey wrote:
>i thought i would send along this fact sheet about your friend, "santa"

" Santa", and "I", are always capitalized, geoff.You might know this if you
had ever been a "good" boy and studied. (-:

>sorry to burst your bubble but I don't think even fiat can make this guy
>exist.

Or get you your Christmas present. 

>Is there a Santa?

Yes

>No known species of reindeer can fly.
Flying reindeer,silly.


>...Flying reindeer which only Santa has seen.

You forgot Ms. Claus and the elves (not the Keebler one's)


>... One presumes there's at least one good child in each (house).

What happened in yours?


>Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sled,jump down the
>chimney, fill the stockings,distribute the remaining presents under the
>tree,eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney,get
>back into the sleigh and move on to the next house...

What can I say? I'm fast, ask Ms. Claus. Since I WON'T be stopping by your
house, except maybe to let reindeer do what reindeer do every 31 hours, I
should have time to spare. (-:


>...eat whatever snacks have been left

On a diet, no thanks.


>That means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second.

Like I said, I'm fast. No traffic either.


>The Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second.

Your right, that is slow. Time to upgrade the thing.


>on land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.

"Deer-roids". We like to think of our reindeer as "unconventional".
  

>353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second...,and creating deafening
>sonic booms in their wake.?

Earmuffs, can't hear it.


>In conclusion if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas eve he's
>dead now.

The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated!!!  (-:
Ho,ho,ho


 Santa Claus
 North Pole

via Rick Miller, using Julio's account
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Archive created by Jonathan Stanton (jonathan@cs.jhu.edu)
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