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Re: the truth about "santa"

		I think I'm going to cry now, Geoff, you've smashed the 
greatest childhood belief I've ever had. WAAAH!!!

On Mon, 4 Dec 1995, Geoffrey M Wyatt wrote:

> dear readers of ceda-l:
> 
> in the interest of perpetuating the myth that i am a scrooge
> i thought i would send along this fact sheet about your friend, "santa"
> sorry to bust your bubble
> but i just don't think even fiat can make this guy exist
> 
> love geoff
> 
> > > > Is There a Santa Claus?
> > > >
> > > > 1)  No known species of reindeer can fly.  BUT there are 300,000
> > > > species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of
> > > > these
> > > > are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying
> > > > reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
> > > >
> > > > 2)  There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.  BUT
> > > > since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and
> > > > Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378
> > > > million according to Population Reference Bureau.  At an average
> > > > (census)rate of 3.5  children per household, that's 91.8 million homes.
> > > > One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
> > > >
> > > > 3)  Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
> > > > different
> > > > time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to
> > > > west(which seems logical).  This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
> > > > This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,
> > > > Santa
> > > > has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the
> > > > chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under
> > > > the
> > > > tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get
> > > > back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.  Assuming that each
> > > > of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth
> > > > (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our
> > > > calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per
> > > > household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to
> > > > do
> > > > what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and
> > > > etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second,
> > > > 3,000 times the speed of sound.  For purposes of comparison, the
> > > > fastest
> > > > man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky
> > > > 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles
> > > > per hour.
> > > >
> > > > 4)  The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.
> > > > Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set
> > > > (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa,
> > > > who
> > > > is invariably described as overweight.  On land, conventional reindeer
> > > > can pull no more than 300 pounds.  Even granting that "flying reindeer"
> > > > (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anoint, we cannot do
> > > > the job with eight, or even nine.  We need 214,200 reindeer.  This
> > > > increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to
> > > > 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of
> > > > the
> > > > Queen Elizabeth.
> > > >
> > > > 5)  353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
> > > > resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
> > > > spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere.  The lead pair of
> > > > reindeer
> > > > will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy.  Per second.  Each.
> > > > In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing
> > > > the
> > > > reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their
> > > > wake.The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths
> > > > of a second.  Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces
> > > > 17,500.06 times greater than gravity.  A 250-pound Santa (which seems
> > > > ludicrously slim)would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015
> > > > pounds of force.
> > > >
> > > > In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve,
> > > > he's dead now.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> 
>
References:
Archive created by Jonathan Stanton (jonathan@cs.jhu.edu)
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